2004/10/29

For some reason last night, I become absolutely convinced that there was something I'd forgotten to do at work, and that I was going to be walking into a huge bunch of shit when I finally got here today.

On the contrary, the day's actually been fairly quiet, and people don't seem too upset about anything. I am surprised, but pleased. And hoping it carries through the day like this.

My boss' boss was also thrilled with the away message that I use now, and recommended that everyone who regularly gets chased down by people do the same. It's kinda nice that lately I've been getting a few "good going!"s to go along with all the usual shit that gets dumped on me... now if I can only keep this up and secure myself a job, wouldn't that be lovely? :P

I still have to dig up pieces for my Hallowe'en costume. I'll be sure to link to or post pictures when they're available... I'm still waiting to see if any pics turn up from the wedding I attended awhile ago (like the one with my friend R biting my butt), but so far I haven't seen any.

There's a part of me that wants to get really involved in some kind of physical sport, something that not a lot of people around here or that I know do. It'd be kind of cool to box or weight-lift or something, but I just don't have the money and likely not the discipline to get involved in something like that. I wish I could spend a tonne of money on a nutrionist or a chef, and then I'd be assured that I would be eating properly and my muscles would actually be evident, but... urgh. It takes self-discipline, and I don't really have that. I mean, honestly, if I didn't have a trainer, I don't think I'd be making it to the gym very often at all. That's why, although it's definitely not cheap, I don't mind spending the money that way -- if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be where I am now, by far. And we have fun together, and she bends the rules on a regular basis for me, so that's cool.

I'm debating whether or not I'm going to make another go of NaNoWriMo this year. The first year, I only hit 3000 words or so; last year I managed to just peak 8000... maybe this year I could manage to break 10k, but 50k? It's self-discipline again. Not to mention my cats aren't exactly big on leaving me alone to write. :)

But I got the good pens again at work recently, and they make me want to write. It's just the coming up with the ideas and the descriptive stuff that I find difficult to do... I can't really imagine myself spending a page or two trying to describe what a scene or particular person looks like... although there are plenty of books that I've read that don't follow that particular convention, so maybe I'm just being too restrictive in what I imagine as the kind of style in which I "have" to write. I mean, it's my story (whatever it might wind up being); if I want to write it as a diary, that's a recognized genre of writing style... and rarely do people spend ages writing descriptions in their journals. At least, if everyone writes like me, I don't think they do. :)

Okay, stream of consciousness writing is leading to ideas for NaNoWriMo... there's a reason that this particular exercise is lauded as being a great way to get yourself writing and in the habit of writing. Granted, it's likely not particularly exciting for the rest of you to read, but... when are my entries ever exciting? Especially lately, what with the whole personal life not being exciting, but that's okay with me, actually.

Welcome to being in my head. *grin*

I do have a coffee date with someone tomorrow, and that's kinda cool. I'm back into the "no putting any big hopes into anything" frame of mind, and we'll see how long that sticks. *shrug* Of course, I may still start propositioning people...

I was calculating with OFK earlier in the week as to how long it's been since I've seen any lovin'. It turns out it's less time than I would've thought, which either means that time has been really dragging recently, or I've put sex far enough out of my mind that it seems like a distant memory. Or something. I figure that so long as I don't start approaching my personal drought 'record,' I'm all good... and I can lord that over my friends who've gone for much longer stretches. ;)

Anyhow, time to grab some lunch and head over to the drugstore to see if they might have some orange spray-in hair colour. Here's hoping; I don't really want to chance the so-called temporary stuff, especially as I hate orange. :)

2004/10/28

It's kinda frustrating that I still kinda want you.

I wonder if certain people knew that if they were to proposition me, I might say yes. Especially if I'd had a bit to drink so my inhibitions were low.

A guy off my first round with Lavalife is determined to drive me nuts.

Work is determined to drive me nuts, too, but I'm keeping up. I think.

As a plus, I have an appointment to get my hair cut. Not for another two and a half weeks, but at least I have the appointment -- it's a good start.

Funny is when your mother cockblocks you (as well as a friend -- but it was Mom, first). Granted, it wasn't really a cockblock, but it's funnier to say it that way. :)

Online translation sources aren't exactly 100% reliable. I submitted "Nova Scotia" to one (to make sure I was right), and it gave me back "Scotia de nova." So useful.

I had a good day at the gym yesterday. My trainer had me benching 95 lbs, 'cause she's trying to kill me. :) I did 145 lbs on the squats, which is a bit less than I have done (I've done 150 lbs), and she mentioned I was looking sleeker (I'm a seal!). When all the weights and torture were over and done with, I ran for 16 minutes straight on the treadmill, and I could've run longer, but my tanning appointment was coming up. :)

One of the more fun parts of doing squats, I find, is that about two hours or so after I finish, I wind up with these funky broken blood vessel/hicky marks around my neck from where the neck guard presses down. That, more than anything, is a good indicator -- in my opinion -- that I'm doing heavy weight. :)

Well, of course, the plates and stacks and numbers say it just as well, but it's the injuries I sustain that tell me I'm doing lots of weight! Yeah, that's it! :)

Last week I was hanging out with a big group of zone folks, and at one point in the car a few of us were discussing miniskirts, and I was saying it'd be nice to wear 'em, but I've been told I don't have the legs for them (thanks, Mom... although that was ages ago). Then later that night, when we were all back together, we were discussing exercise and working out, and Greg, male N and I were showing off our various odd muscles that amuse us -- I have one that wraps a bit over my forearm/elbow that's most obvious when I do pushups, as well as one that wraps over my shin bone somewhat... and it was when I pulled up my pant leg to show off that one that T exclaimed, "Oh my God, your legs are *awesome!* What're you talking about, you can't wear a miniskirt?" That was pretty cool. :D

Let's see, any worthwhile cat updates? Well, this morning I had a cat on each arm -- Thena was wrapped up in one arm, and Venus was curled up in the other, while we were all lying in bed. That was pretty nice. :) However, it made it very difficult to want to get out of bed the way I sorta/kinda/not really wanted to.

I need to start going to bed before midnight. I'm tired. :P

2004/10/26

Depressed.

Stressed.

Broke.

I hate my life.

2004/10/25

I love that my body likes to mess with my head by doing things like making me fairly horny the day after I declare, "My libido's in the toilet and although I do miss sex, I really kinda don't."

Stupid body, wanting to get fucked.

2004/10/22

New pictures up at here. This includes pictures of Venus, although they're further on... I didn't clean out my camera for awhile. If I get bored at work, I'll start some explanations.

2004/10/20

New plan for making money (and regaining some sanity): I rent out the cats.

2004/10/19

*sigh* I need a sugar daddy. I hate owing money.

2004/10/18

Gah. Busy week, no updating.

Recap: Tuesday night Tallboy and I went to see Shark Tale. Decent movie, I've seen funnier. Wednesday morning it was decided we'd just be friends. Bleah, sucky, but what can you do? Tuesday night I was looking at him and thinking, "Am I in this because of him, or because of the situation?" And the fact that I didn't really feel much of anything during the talk meant that it seemed to be the situation.

Wednesday night I went to the gym, then Markuk came over and we shared some red wine and sorta watched tv. I say sorta 'cause we mostly talked through it. Thursday was getting together with S, N and Markuk for drinks, which became dinner, which then became hot chocolate/dessert and more talking.

Friday I went shopping after work; I met up with OFK and T, and we picked up wedding gifts, and I got a dress and new shoes for the wedding. We went back to my place for some food, then over to JW and AM's for DDR (enough acronyms yet?) and general hanging out. N started giving me a backrub, then got distracted by a story he was telling that used his hands, so JJ took over -- and he has strong hands. I was surprised. He was also playing with pressure points, and that was kinda interesting and different -- a sort of, "this is almost too painful and I want to stop it but now it's getting to be not so bad..." Pretty cool. I wound up stretching out on the couch, using someone's thigh (OKF?) for a pillow (who traded with N at some point), and sorta dozing. I went home, patted the kitties and went to bed.

Saturday I was supposed to have boxing class, but the other girls in it had to back out, so my trainer and I just worked out for a bit. I got home and got ready for the wedding, and then we were off. The ceremony was really pretty, and everyone looked great. Apparently now I cry at weddings -- I remember tearing up during Greg and Madeleine's, and I was doing the same this time around.

Dinner was pretty good; I was joking that JJ and I were racing to the bottom of the carafes of wine, since we were the only two at our table drinking, and I was drinking red while he drank white. I wound up drinking ... maybe a little over half the bottle, whereas since he was driving he only had one drink. The wine snuck up on me -- I was sober, then all of a sudden, I was tipsy. I cut myself off at that point, and I sobered up fairly quickly.

Lots of time was spent on the dance floor with my friends, though. I danced like crazy monkeys, and had a great time. The DJ catered the music to the crowd, which was great -- lots of Beatles and oldies mixes at the start of the night, then totally "our" music by the end of the night -- I mean, he played "Black Hole Sun" and so on. It was fun. :) There was dumb to be had involving kicking straight from the ground into the air as high as we could with straight legs (dumb for me, wearing brand-new heels), and at one point N hooked my foot and landed me on the ground, which was great... but I was surprisingly totally uninjured. Apparently working out has done wonderful things for the absorption powers of my immortal ass. :)

There was also portions of the evening spent biting/being bitten, and at one point S accidentally jabbed her finger in my mouth, resulting in a scratched gum, but overall, everyone is fine and a good time was had. :) And of course, we all looked great. If any good pictures of me exist, I'll try to post or link them.

2004/10/17

Today's theme: my cats are annoying and noisy.

And the first time I opened this window, it was displaying everything in reverse order, as I typed it. Odd...

2004/10/14

Blue PowerAde + red wine = purple tongue = funny

Red wine = "You have a very nice butt."

Also funny? I stayed completely sober the whole time, and no headache from gym + wine. I find that if I drink even one small drink after the gym, I get a headache -- but not this time. As I was told, "this is a very nice bottle of wine."

Feeling a bit better. Still a little down (which is where I've been the whole time -- I guess once again it was the idea of the thing, rather than the thing itself that had me going) from another ending (so much for lavalife), but... I'm feeling better.

2004/10/13

Ah well, back where we started.

I'd *really* like to know -- what is it about me that is such a turn-off to guys? Why do they fear/shun a relationship with me so?

2004/10/12

I updated The Whore's Boudoir! We shall celebrate!

Today is the first day of the strike, and so far, I'm having a great time. I chatted online with a few people for much of the morning, I ran into my friend Greg on the way into work today and chatted with him (this would be pre-work, but it still counts as a positive), I've cemented plans somewhat for tonight, and it's nice and quiet, so I can focus on what my work is. I promise, I really have done some work. Tragically, just 'cause the rest of us are on strike doesn't mean the Minister has stopped travelling and so on. Jerk. :)

Also, due to a popular request (okay, from Shawn), that made sense and amused me, Tall Guy (TG) will henceforth be known as Tallboy (TB), instead. This way we get to invoke the idea of beer (and tuberculosis) when I discuss him, which will apparently entertain Shawn more than my stories ever could (hah!). Plus, it fits in with the more entertaining nicknames/descriptors that have been around -- the Frog, the Professor -- and so on. For those of you that had always wondered (-1 of you), the Frog was not French, and the nickname did not stem from that. Just for the record.

I was out at the folks' place last night for Thanksgiving dinner. EW, a friend of mine who I've discussed before (girlfriend from long ago), was there, as well as a neighbour of ours that Mom has befriended. Dinner was, as always, quite tasty, and I took vegetables home -- but Dad didn't slice off any turkey to take home. *gasp!* I was sad.

I did, however, get to bring home an old toy chest that was apparently mine, so that's more furniture for the apartment. However, it'll be a great place to put the games and puzzles that, until now, didn't really have a place to live (aside from that cardboard box), and maybe some of my craft stuff, or my skates and roller skates. Roller skates, not roller blades.

This week is shaping up to be another busy one; tonight OFK and I are discussing vacation plans, then I'm meeting up with Tallboy for a show or some such. Tomorrow I'm hopefully, finally, getting some groceries after the gym, and running a few other errands, likely. Another day this week I'm meeting up with a few friends for a drink or two to catch up, Saturday is a wedding and possible birthday plans for Tallboy, and I still have to go shopping for the wedding and that present. Urgh. At least my money situation is starting to shape back up, so I can stop panicking and can actually afford to do things like, say, buy groceries so I can eat.

Something tells me I have plans for Thursday, but since I can't remember what they are, for now I'm going to pretend that nothing is going on. :) I also have to get back to IKEA at some point to return some curtains I bought, buy a new curtain rod to replace the one that I managed to lose (likely in the parking lot of the IKEA), and buy more curtains and rods for other rooms. I actually kinda like the new look of the living room -- the chair's been moved to the other side of the room, a bookcase has moved, and there are curtains up... it's not like much has changed, but it balances the room a bit better. As much as I sometimes hate to admit it (especially after I'd been cranky while it was going on), Mom was right. :)

*And* I managed to get the recycling and garbage all out today, so I am once again without giant amounts of cardboard taking up space. And I've reduced the kitties to one litter box, so they'll stop kicking litter all over that corner of my bedroom. Hah! :) Maybe at some point I'll get a nice arm chair and put it in my bedroom, or even a loveseat or something... or maybe just move the bookcase in there when/if I wind up with the piano.

Yes, that's right, my mom's considering giving me the piano (and keeps plotting where to put it) so that she can free up some space in the living room at home. I wonder if I'd play much if I had it? Maybe I can finally manage to get all the way through the Muppet Show theme. ;)

2004/10/11

Ah, the charms of lavalife...

Kalvedon (who then changed his user name, or maybe deleted his profile, but my message seemed to go through), referring to a line out of my profile: "Why would anyone speak to you intelligently? that would be like feeding pearls to a swine."

Every time I start feeling good about myself, along comes someone to just shoot it down... I cry.

Okay, that last part is sarcastic, I promise. As fake as it all may be, I've gotten way more compliments on lavalife than I have negative comments, so hah. Men can just be idiots.

2004/10/10

Okay, so the rundown of Friday night.

I was freaking out, 'cause I didn't have/make enough time to edit my stuff, my printer wasn't working, and I was nervous as hell -- combination of having the boy there, and it having been so long since I'd been on stage last.

I got Shawn to print out my stuff and bring it, and he got there later than he'd said, so I was all panicky about that. Jay bought me a drink, and I gotta say -- those chocolate martinis are damned addictive from that place. They come with chocolate chips in the bottom. :) I'd just started eating all of the chocolate chips in the bottom of mine, when they announced that I was first.

S and I had managed to take over a couch and one wall of the upstairs balcony. When I heard my name called, all I said was, "Shit," and started walking -- without looking at any of my friends, just focused on getting through the crowd.

I got up on stage, started adjusting my papers, which took mke what felt like forever, and was made that much more difficult from the shaking hands -- and the shaking feet, which was a new one on me.

I wound up reading just two pieces: "Caught next to a hard plce," and "You did what on my what?!" Slightly modified versions of each, since my stuff isn't written for public reading like that, but they seemed to go over well. Ish. My friends said I did well, and Shawn said he could see a lot of nodding and laughing when I was reading, which was cool. I know I heard some laughing, but it didn't feel like much. However, I was more focused on getting through my stuff and trying not to be boring.

Note to all: easy way to break the ice on a date (if that's even a concern) is to read a piece that has the line, "I love the cock" in it. Not that ice-breaking was needed, and not that it couldn't have backfired horribly, but...

It was weird; in a sense having my friends there, listening, made things almost harder. Here were various people -- such as Jay -- who don't read the Whore's Boudoir, because they find it too personal, or not their style, and here they were, in my cheering section. :)

I wound up talking to the boy throughout a few of the other performers, although we did listen at times, and there was a few performers that we really liked -- one writes for a local alternative weekly paper, and the other I saw last year at writersfest. The evening wrapped up around 10:30, and pretty much everyone disappeared at that point, except for TG (tall guy/the boy), S, D (whom I hadn't seen in years), and myself.

We headed over to another little fancy bar for $4 martinis, and sat on precariously tall stools and talked. We mocked some of the yuppies at the bar, so obviously looking to pick up. Jay called me on my cell phone at one point, and for a change, I won't repeat what he was saying, since I'm not looking to embarrass him... but let's just say that it involved him offering up his and ex-bf J's cocks for our services, if we were interested. :)

Around midnight, TG drove us all home, and he and I chatted a little while longer in my driveway. Things seem to be going well -- both my trainer and I seem to have met good guys with whom we've clicked, around the same time. TG and I have a fair bit in common, we have no problems carrying on a conversation, and the part that I can't seem to get over is that he seems to like me. I've gotten so accustomed to having to insinuate myself with people who are interested enough to want to get in my pants, but not to actually want to date me. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it doesn't seem like it's going to. Or at least, not for awhile. Gah. I don't know... for now, it's good and it's fun and I'm being stupid and so on.

When a guy likes a girl, and it's early on, how much time does he tend to spend thinking about her? I'm curious. This is once again me having a hard time believing that boys like girls the same way that girls like guys. I'm sure it can be true, it's just... my brain is wonky. :)

Saturday I had my boxing class, and I was doing what I could to punch hard. When you've never seriously punched anything or anyone, trying to punch hard is difficult. I seem to be getting better, so people had better watch out. >:)

I also went to the bachelorette party last night, and I had fun, but I also had a headache, so I wound up leaving when we left the first bar (after dinner). I talked to Big A for a bit, then wound up watching some television before going to bed. Both Saturday and Sunday morning the cats woke me up early, and spent much time racing each other back and forth across my bed. So kind of them. Saturday morning also had one of the housing owners or maintenance people coming by (after phoning at 9:30) to do little tasks on the apartment that I've been needing done.

I also spoke to JJ and Jay and found out that ex-bf J was buying Jay drinks, which explained the phone call I received. :)

Today my folks called and announced they were coming by, and we put up some curtains, moved around some furniture, and got 'helped' by the cats. :) Much as I hate to admit it, things look a bit better now in my living room. If only I could keep the damn place clean... but that would entail shaving the cats, to start. :)

2004/10/09

2004/10/08

Okay, so I was skimming through my articles yesterday, and everything I've ever written is crap. Argh.

In the meantime, have some links:

Here's a car I want. Hybrid, small, efficient, fairly safe, affordable, soon to be available in Canada... and I can park it in my tiny little backyard, perhaps. You saw the Paypal link -- start donating and I'll buy it, I promise. ;)

Second... castration led to Christianity. I wouldn't recommend it for the weak of stomach or the wimpy, or if you're eating... but otherwise, it's pretty interesting and not particularly gruesome. The connections the author makes is kinda cool, and mimics things I've learned in other course (not this particular conclusion, but the steps involved in getting there).

Alphabet Sex.

In non-link news, I semi-hate my shoes. I got these open-toed, backless sandals the day Mom and I did our major shopping trip, and they hate me. The first day I wore them, I stumbled three times. Other days I typically stumble once, and today I did a full-out spill on the sidewalk. I scraped the palm of one hand, and my knee a little bit. Fortunately I didn't do any major damage, but I still feel like a momotard, and now I have a scraped hand and knee. Bah.

I have to go look at the receipt from the clothes I bought. There's a skirt and maybe a pair of pants that I want to return, 'cause I'm not sure I'm ever going to wear them. I'll try them on again first, but I'm really not keen on the skirt. I just hope that it's not too late to do it, although I suppose I'd accept store credit if I had to.

Mom and I went to IKEA last night, and I managed to spend almost $400. I hate taxes; $50 of the money I spent was in taxes alone. Grr. But, I bought myself a tv stand, a corner shelf, a few sets of curtains, some plastic stuff to cover up my kitchen door (must finish the job that AM started at my birthday/housewarming party and peel/wash the rest of the paper that the previous tenants put on the window), some little bowls ($0.49 for two -- a bargain!), and that's about it. I looked at lamps and bookcases, but didn't see any lamps I liked, and Mom wouldn't let me buy a bookcase. It's probably a good thing, too, considering how much money I spent there already.

I also paid my insurance yesterday, so once again, I am back at being broke. Flat broke. So very very broke. *sigh* Ah well, at least I have a few paycheques between now and when rent is next due, and I'm fairly certain that my training sessions are currently paid off (although I'll need to pay for the boxing sometime soon).

My trainer and I are switching to 2 30-minute sessions a week, and we're just going to talk less during them. :) Once my shins go back to normal, I'm going to try to start running again; alternately, I can always go dig up those shoe inserts and use them again for a bit.

Thena's getting back in the habit of cuddling me in the mornings, after my alarm goes off. We had a fairly prolonged snuggle this morning, and Venus seemed to know to wait her turn; after a few minutes, she came over to investigate, but she waited first, which I thought was cool. Venus wasn't helping me very much during the assembling of the tv stand -- she kept attacking the pieces and she even ran off with one piece of dowel. I finally locked her in the bedroom while I was working with the various pieces. I managed to get it put together quickly (after three major trips to IKEA, I am the assembly master), but forgot to put two pieces of dowel into the bottom part. I have decided to blame the cat. :P I almost forget to put any dowel in, but was able to remove the top and fix that part -- I couldn't do the same to the bottom, 'cause I realized my mistake after I had already nailed the back on. Very well.

Actually, it was with the matching CD cabinet that I also screwed up -- I'd put the back on upside-down, but I managed to fix that before. Maybe I should stop buying from that set, since I didn't screw up my bedroom furniture...

I find it funny that I have more matching dishes and furniture than many of my friends do. My mom is very big on having everything coordinated, right down to the types of wood that I buy for each room. :) Apparently I never really got to live through the "student cheap" phase... well, beyond the whole buying from IKEA part.

Off I go to rewrite my articles... if only they didn't suck so. :P

2004/10/07

I like cheese. I wish it didn't hate me so. :(

I'm doing my reading at the open mic tomorrow night. Still haven't chosen any pieces, or even practiced them. So much for my loyal audience helping me to select. :) I also have to figure out what I'm going to wear tomorrow. Have to look hot, you see -- so contacts and make up are a given.

I'm going to have a small crowd of friends there to watch -- I think about 5 or 6 at this point, including, it would seem, the Tall Guy. So this should be fun. I know I'm very much looking forward to it.

Work today is very boring. I am very bored, and tired.

This morning my kitties were amusing me. Thena came for a bit of a cuddle after my alarm went off, and she kept nuzzling/licking my face. She still greets me like that when I get home; she loves to be picked up and will rub her face against my chin over and over again. One night I came home, and they were both on the couch, and I got the facial chin rub from both of them. Very cute. :)

I have extended names for them: Thena is Princess Thena Demon Beast, and Venus is Venus Van Morrison, the tiny nutjob. They keep me amused, for sure. :)

My mom's dragging me off to IKEA tonight, to buy curtains for my apartment. While I'm there, I'm going to pick up a new bookcase, tv stand and some lamps, too. Then tonight, one of the people from the development company or whatever it's called that owns my building will finally come by to fix things. Or at least look at what needs fixing. :P

2004/10/05

Back and forth on the good and bad situations... hard to get a read on anything right now, but if anyone has any good job leads, by all means throw 'em my way. No, I'm not out of work, but a change would be nice.

Others... nice coffee date out last night. Wound up closing out the restaurant, talking for 3 hours straight. And this from two people who kinda describe themselves as shy. :) No idea which direction it's going to go -- be it dating or just friends, but I had fun regardless.

I also found out yesterday that I have made it on the list for the open mic reading at the next durtygurls event. This is this Friday, at 8 p.m. Cover is $7, and if you want further information on it, email me and I will provide. In the meantime, I'm taking recommendations as to what articles I should read while there.

Urgh. Does anyone know what I want to do for a living?

2004/10/03

I have random thoughts to post here, but I'm going to do it sometime when it doesn't get directly tied to something else, making it totally obvious what it is I'm talking about.

I took the kitties to the vet yesterday morning, and everyone checks out well. Venus' hernia has grown a little, but not very much, so so far it's okay. I had the bloodwork done for Thena, and the vet called me that afternoon to say that she turned up negative for both feleuk and FIV. This makes me a happy mommy. Big A provided transportation and cat-wrangling services, and I thank him. :)

I went to my boxing class yesterday -- first one. There's only three of us in the class, plus my trainer who's running it, so it's a nice small group. So far, I feel decent about my right cross, my jab is relatively lame, and my uppercuts really kinda suck. I liked being paired with my trainer, 'cause it felt like I could actually hit the pads properly -- when the other girls held it, I felt like I was just touching them, regardless of how much force I actually put into the punch.

I didn't feel too exhausted or anything during or after the class yesterday (just starved), but today I'm sore. Mainly in the back, but a bit in my shoulders, too. We did a bunch of rotator cuff warm-ups, so I'm probably okay because of that.

After the class, I hit up Lewiscraft to replace the hoop I broke, and wound up buying a bunch of other craft items, too. I saw something I want to make for some friends as a wedding gift for them, but it's a kit I'd have to order -- they didn't have it in stock, and that's a good thing. Right now, I'm past broke, so I have to wait to spend money. Not that I have, but... when I'm stealing from my credit line to cover my rent cheque, I'm past broke.

So, if anyone wants to randomly give me money, you can send it to me at whoresboudoir@rogers.com through PayPal. I promise to love you forever.







Not that I expect this to work, but what the hell, right? :)

What else? I finally got home, made plans to get together with E that night, and my folks told me they were bringing over a box of my junk, so I had to stay home until they got there. It turns out that what they were bringing me was, well, a box of pots and this. Obviously not from that store, but it's the first pic I found. :)

E and I got some Greek food (had to pay extra because I'm outside of their delivery range -- maybe I really should hang on to the damn menus that I receive so I know the places that are within my range), and rented Club Dread to watch. It was... not good. Very hard to tell if it was supposed to be funny or just stupid, but it didn't quite manage either very well. I'd also picked up two more discs of season 2 of CSI, but I picked up one I'd already rented, so that's annoying. I blame the girl who came and talked to me while I was picking them out, trying to "sell" me on renting movies I'd already chosen; I think the wrong disc was also behind the box. Two irritations!

After the movie and so on, E and I went for a walk around the neighbourhood. On the way back, he noticed that there were two cats in the tree outside of my back door. One was full-grown, and the other, once we saw him more closely (and I even got to pick him up) was only about 7 or 8 weeks old... he was *tiny*. I keep forgetting how small kittens are, since I don't notice Thena or Venus' growth. E didn't feel he was a stray, but I was not impressed with someone letting their kitten out overnight like that -- it was past midnight when we got back.

I tend to forget how silky my kitties' coats are, too, at least compared to other cats. This kitten had a very rough coat. Even the vet yesterday was saying that Venus had a beautiful coat, and it's true. Both my kitties have silky fur. :)

Mom and Dad got to meet Venus for the first time yesterday. Since there was a bunch of noise and weird movements from the tv being brought in, she was a bit skittish, but they got to say hi, at least.

2004/10/02

I remember emerging from the comforting embrace of a warm bed and a warm, comfortable, loving embrace to pile on clothes, do my best to rouse myself and get into a cold car. Often I'd have to brush snow or scrape frost off the car before I could go anywhere; attempts to drive with a frost-encrusted windshield were usually in vain.

Mostly I wanted to return to that warm bed that I'd left behind, with you in it. It was there I was comfortable, holding you close and breathing your catnip scent as I slept beside you, sometimes entwined with you. You'd pile the covers on me and later blame me for stealing them, regardless of how many times I'd throw them off of me; I often found you warm enough without the need for extra coverings, but some nights, I wanted everything I could get.

We had our little cocoon, our time spent isolated from the rest of the world, talking and laughing and just being together. My memories of you are positive ones, all of them.
I remember emerging from the comforting embrace of a warm bed and a warm, comfortable, loving embrace to pile on clothes, do my best to rouse myself and get into a cold car. Often I'd have to brush snow or scrape frost off the car before I could go anywhere; attempts to drive with a frost-encrusted windshield were usually in vain.

Mostly I wanted to return to that warm bed that I'd left behind, with you in it. It was there I was comfortable, holding you close and breathing your catnip scent as I slept beside you, sometimes entwined with you. You'd pile the covers on me and later blame me for stealing them, regardless of how many times I'd throw them off of me; I often found you warm enough without the need for extra coverings, but some nights, I wanted everything I could get.

We had our little cocoon, our time spent isolated from the rest of the world, talking and laughing and just being together. My memories of you are positive ones, all of them.

2004/10/01

I'm frustrated with my life right now.

I'm really not sure how I feel about my job; 'hate' isn't quite apt, but 'enjoy' certainly doesn't cover it either. I feel in some ways as if I'm screwing up constantly, and I don't enjoy that.

There's a durtygurls event coming up next Friday. I waited several weeks and then finally sent an email last night, after (sort of) attending 3 writersfest events, asking if I could be a part of the open mic. There's a chance that I may get to stand on stage next week and read some of the Whore's Boudoir articles I've written. I really hope I get to... it's a scary prospect, but it could be seriously amazing.

I feel as though, if I only knew what I wanted to do with my life, I'd feel more satisfied with it, or at least I would have some direction to it. I was flipping through the notes I took last year from one of the roundtables I attended, and it had some great motivating questions and comments, from a writing stand-point. I was thinking over the story I started for NaNoWriMo last year, too, and thinking of ways I could or should edit it to give my characters a bit more depth. I wonder if I'm actually cut out for fiction writing.

I've also been somewhat disappointed with my regular blogroll. Out of the two dozen or so sites I hit on a daily basis, I think perhaps 2 people have updated in the last week; maybe 5 or 6 in the last two weeks, and only some 10 in the last month.

Okay, I just had a sort of conversation with another coworker, and it looks as though I'm not being directly blamed for recent events, which is nice. There's frustration, but he seems to be directing it upwards, and not at me... me likey.

Anyhow, I also want to read more, or at least keep a record of what I'm reading and what I think of it. I was going for a bit with a book every few days, and I was finding that I was constantly scrounging for a new novel to read, depending on my mood. I usually have anywhere from 1-4 books on the go, on average, and it all depends on what I feel like reading. Sometimes it's a novel, sometimes it's feminist critiques. I started reading 'The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time' and put it aside in favour of something a bit more portable and more pulpy: 'Obsidian Butterfly,' the only Anita Blake book I've only read once. What can I say? Sometimes I really prefer carrying my PDA around, especially if I'm taking the small bag.

I haven't been sleeping too well this past week, or at least not getting to sleep at a decent hour. Tuesday, the day I took off from work, I wound up going for a run at 11 o'clock at night, so it was fairly understandable that I didn't get to sleep until nearly 2. I'd also had a 2-hour nap that morning, but usually morning naps don't adversely affect me. Wednesday I crashed for about 40 minutes and felt really refreshed and not logey at all afterwards... but it meant I wasn't tired when it was bedtime. Similar story last night; I wound up sleeping for awhile during one of the writersfest events, and so I was fairly alert for the rest of the evening.

I haven't been doing my extra bout of sleep in the mornings, either. It used to be that my alarm would go off at 6:30, and I'd doze again until sometime after 7. Now, I wake up before my alarm, and for a period before and after it, my cats spend time digging at me through the sheets. Thena was *very* into this digging this morning, getting very wound up and determined to do I don't quite know what... but she had a purpose, for sure. I think it's because they're hungry and they feel this is an effective way of getting my attention. :P I try to teach them that doing this doesn't immediately equal food -- I always go to the bathroom first before feeding them, but maybe it's time to break that routine somewhat.

They drive me nuts, too. I fill Thena's dish first, they both start eating it (adult food). I take Venus into the bedroom to fill her dish, they both follow me into the bedroom and eat her food -- kitten food. At least I know they'll share a dish without problems, but still... argh. Thena was tiring of the kitten food when I had just her, but now that I have Venus, it's delicious again. Damn cats. At least Thena's still young enough that it's not overly fattening for her, but still...! I think it's time to move Venus' dishes into the kitchen, since I no longer lock her up during the day. This also means I can start moving the second litterbox out of the bedroom and stop the spills of litter that accumulate on my floor. Damn cats. :)

I went to three writersfest events yesterday; I fell asleep during the first one (I felt bad about that), I left partway through the second to get some food, but I stayed for the whole third one. I even bought the lady's book afterwards -- a hardcover, no less, which I almost never buy. Dammit. Chapters.ca has it on sale at 30% off, too... guess I'm going to return it. I'm a loser.

My coworker told me yesterday that I'm a phenomenal writer, better than most (many?) of the bureaucrats here. I don't know about the first part, but I'll agree with the second -- most bureaucrats aren't good writers. I've seen some of what they write, and... well, it's poo, it really is.

Okay, things have gotten a bit better since I started writing this. Long conversation with a friend, some semi-urgent requests that were very easy to handle, upsetting someone at another department (not my fault), and I even got a shoulder squeeze and a kiss on the head from someone out of appreciation! Yay! :)

I think it's time to end this here... otherwise it's going to become a day listing of my mood, back and forth. That could be fun for some, but I doubt it. I also have a new little table, which is cool... I can use it to block people out of my office, perhaps. >:)

They also have the chair massage people here today, so I'm thinking of going for that. Yumm... $15 for an upper-body massage, I could live with that. I'm just chicken for some reason about actually going for it. Does that make sense?

Also, is it bad that I think I might be sorta-kinda-not-really flirting with the new guy?