Plans for next posts:

A treatise on the word BUT and its importance in conversation, particularly with me.

A rundown on Friday night and the vast amounts of liquor I consumed, plus its effect.

A rundown on the conversation held from about 1-3 a.m. in my driveway with two old friends, K and G.

A very astute comment: "Sometimes love isn't enough." and interesting thoughts on jealousy. Is there really honestly such a thing as a totally non-jealous person? What if you've had bad experiences in your past where someone's hurt you or cheated on you or you suspect they cheated on you... are you still not jealous then? I mean, sure, rationally you may realize that person B is not person A, but how forgiving a person can you really be?

Vague weirdness and kinda down feelings today. Plans to dye the hair again, see how that turns out. Want a change and don't have any body parts to pierce? Leery about that next tattoo? Cut your hair already recently? Dye your hair, and make some minor changes.

Caught up on email today from work, that was good. I was feeling verbose. Now I just have to wait for replies I'm going to get, if any. :)

Spoke with/ran into some people I haven't seen in awhile; I was just a social butterfly! After flirting somewhat with the Loblaws cashier guy, I had the thought, "I'm back!" Hours later, I'm a little iffy on it, but we'll see what happens.

I think I need to distance myself from the online world I inhabit. I think I deal much better in face-to-face conversations; the only problem being, I generally seem to have more time for the online stuff. :P It's just that I have a number of friends who live out of the city or province or country, so... it's tough to see or talk to them, unless I use online (free...ish) means.

Okay, time to go check out Jay's site, at his demand, and go to bed. Schoolwork waits for no woman. :P

Well, I'm feeling somewhat less insane. That may be due to catching up on sleep, or depriving myself of sleep, or getting some assignments done and handed in, or finishing off my period. Any way you look at it, I think I'm doing a bit better.

I was thinking last night, after my second evening spent watching Sex and the City until 3 a.m. (did I mention, I got my 3rd season discs in the mail the other day? It's been a wild party!), that maybe I am like Samantha, as my girlfriend D keeps telling me. Not that I'm having conquests all the time or emotionless sex on a regular basis (okay, on any basis), but in my openness and willingness to discuss anything and everything anywhere, whether it's my life or not. I mean, I honestly don't care if that person sitting behind us on the bus hears that I had wild and crazy sex last night and the details -- maybe it'll inspire them to some craziness of their own!

At the same time, I think I'm part Carrie and Miranda as well; I don't know if there's any Charlotte in me. I'm Carrie in her crazy life, her boyfriends she's hung up on (although I never slept with my Big while dating Aidan), and her writing. I think I would really enjoy being a columnist, especially if I got to write the way she does -- on basically whatever she wants.

And I'm Miranda in her cynicism, and sometimes in her pessimism. I'm generally an optimist, though... maybe that's how I'm part Charlotte. I'm an open, cynical, optimistic, romantic, insane writer. :)

I think that's why Sex and the City appeals to so many women. Okay, why it appeals to me; I can see elements of each of the characters in myself and others, and I can empathize with their situations. The coworker and I used to watch some of the old seasons together, sometimes with his roommate, and they were both unanimous in their detest for Miranda and her ways. There's an episode in the second season where she fakes orgasms with one guy because he just isn't doing anything that works for her. Coworker and his roommate were totally against this, and basically couldn't understand why a woman would do such a thing -- I could, and just couldn't seem to explain it in such a way that 'satisfied' them (pun intended).

I also like that it shows real (albeit thin and beautiful) women eating real food, and dealing with real issues. There's an episode in the fourth season where (again) Miranda is dating a guy who goes to the washroom with the door open (and I'm not talking just peeing here), and she just can't deal with it. Or in the third season, Charlotte dates a man who's a horrible kisser, and she breaks up with him for it. It's nice to see that there are other women (okay, actresses) dealing with their own quirks when it comes to relationships and men, and it means that as viewers, we don't have to feel guilty about having the same or similar issues.

I'd think of more to say on the subject, but I'm cold and I have to get moving to get to work. And Digger wants the rest of his breakfast or something, and the fishies are hungry. It's never-ending at my little menagerie. :)

And yet I don't feel jealous or upset when he says that they've shared the "I love you"s. So, I make no sense in my head. :P

And I forgot the Shadow story: last night, settled in to bed, she starts walking around on me on top of the covers, then comes to my right-hand side (I was lying on my stomach) and tunnels under the covers, as she often does. My sweatshirt had ridden up a little bit, exposing about two inches of skin, which was getting quite the tickling as she was nosing around and crawling over to my other side, so that now she is on the edge of my bed that is not up against a wall. I was a little worried she might get pushed off in the middle of the night, and maybe she was as well, because she settled down next to me and draped her paws on my back. When I sleep on my stomach (my usual sleeping position), I have one knee drawn up; well, because of where she was placed, I couldn't quite get comfortable, so I wound up turning so I was facing away from her. When I did this, she moved her paws (obviously, I didn't give her much choice) and placed them against my back and flexed them a bit. I think this was the "don't turn anymore, or don't roll over on me" warning. :)

It was very nice having her snuggled up against my side, her fur tickling me and making me laugh. It was a nice pick-me-up after writing the paper all night and being slightly stressed about the exam, which affected my sleep. I woke up later in the night, pressed up against the wall, with her smack-dab in the middle of my bed. When there's a lump in my bed, I tend to do my best to negotiate around it, but in this case, I guess she moved me around. ;)

This one's gonna be full of random thoughts and whatnot, so I apologize for the lack of coherence in advance. Have fun! :)

Today has been very weird for emotions. I don't even know how to chart them, but I've gone from feeling unsettled and restless and weird and possibly jealous to wanting to cry and various loops in between.

The ex- was telling me about having had his girlfriend down in our little neck of the woods, and having her to local eateries and up to his cottage, and a part of me was thinking, "This is my city," and wanting to ask if he and her (he and she?) were having clandestine sex the way he and I used to, sneaking it when his parents were out or mine were out, things like that. And y'know what? It bothered me. I didn't ask, 'cause I was pretty certain he wouldn't take the question well (since most times when we talk now it's pretty short and bleh), and I just felt unsettled and weird. It's not that I want him back for myself or anything like that, but... I don't know. I felt weird. I think it wouldn't have bothered me so much if I wasn't feeling so fneh to begin with, but even now with him saying that his relationship with her seems to have settled and he's not out looking all the time (which he was before, I think I detailed it here ages ago), it's just... it's like something I don't want to hear, but not out of jealousy or anything. I don't feel resentment exactly; maybe it's some minor envy because he has so many advantages that I don't have and life just isn't being unkind to him. I mean, Christ; I only wish someone would bankroll me a year of living on my own, and I could feel free to add extra years to my degree and take one course a semester and only apply to one place for a job and then just wait to see what happens. I'd love to have a place of my own, or with roommates, and have my boyfriend over any time I wanted and not have to worry about my folks or his folks happening home when we're having sex or feeling cuddly or whatever. Argh. Life sucks. :P

I was tired for the better part of today; I was up later than intended writing my paper, then I had to get up early for my midterm, which I never really got to study for. I think I did okay; I managed to bring some of the Socrates' Rhetoric readings that I did for Theories into the midterm, so we'll see if the prof is impressed or turned off by my attempt to appear intelligent. :) I also turned in the paper, and fell asleep for a minute or two at time in Theories, and I was right under the prof's nose, so we'll see if my marks reflect the fact that Wednesdays are my longest days and Theories is boring. :P

I asked one of the list maintainers to unsubscribe me back on Friday or Saturday, and he told me Tuesday that he had. I sent a message to the list explaining that I'd unsubscribed, and that I would still try to turn up at the odd events, and maybe reappear on the list at some point later. J sent me an email asking why I'd done it, that now I'd be missing out on all his insulting emails that he sends. It was weird to hear from him, because I've been trying to message him through ICQ and I don't know if he's ignoring my messages or that he now hates me or what (one suspicion). I called him this evening from my cell, on both his home and cell lines, and the first two times I tried each, they were busy -- so I thought that he'd blocked my number and I was hurt. I tried his home number again a bit later and it rang, but he didn't answer so I just hung up. I have vague ideas of what I want to say, but nothing concrete.

I got my hair cut last night, and it's back to being its regular flat, headphone-smushed stupid self today. Big surprise; I could have hair down to my shoulders, chop it off to an inch in length, and it would somehow manage to look the same, just a bit shorter, the day after it's done. :P Anyhow, it's shorter and it feels like it has more body, although that may just be residual hair spray and various other affixations, even though I washed it twice this morning.

But getting the hair cut got me to thinking about an article I'd read once. It stated that we pay people to touch us, in a professional manner, but touch us nonetheless because we are a low-context society (go communications learnings!) and do not touch each other in casual ways. This means that one of our basic human needs, the need for touch, gets satisfied through visits to people like doctors, shoe salespeople, hairdressers, masseurs and various other people that have to touch us, in some minor manner or another, to perform their jobs. It's an interesting concept, especially as many people would not accept the same touches from a stranger on the street, but when they have a 'professional right' to touch us, we accept it. Face it, how would you react if someone you didn't know just started adjusting or playing with your hair the way a hairdresser does? Let alone touch you or poke at you the way your doctor does. :P

What other thoughts have I had? I spent some time discussing the increasing expression of sexual need that women my coworker, J, appears to be in contact with, are doing. These are women from all age groups; my age (a resounding 22) right on up to the people about his age that he speaks with in chat rooms (45+). I was speculating that for my age group, at least, many women may, rightly or wrongly, equate personal freedom and liberation with sexual freedom, and therefore feel that by being in touch with their sexual side, and acknowledging that it is a strong drive and hey, women like sex too!, that they are somehow more secure, more independent women. That may well be true, but I do not feel that one equals the other; hell, look at me. :P For women around my coworker's age, I was suggesting that it could be due to their having passed their sexual peak (around 35 on average) and riding their prime on out; many women who are anorgasmic (inorgasmic? They can't come) at a young age suddenly discover either through their bodies changing or they (finally) encounter experienced lovers, that all of a sudden they are orgasmic, and sex is much more enjoyable for them. Speaking as someone that spent a great many years of her sexual life being anorgasmic during the act itself, I know that it is quite possible to enjoy sex without having an orgasm, so it's not as if "I can't come (during penetration only)=I don't like sex," but perhaps some women feel that it isn't worth the bother, and I fully support their making that choice, the same as I would support a man doing the same thing.

I used to feel like a total freak; the studies I've seen say that about 1/3 of women are actually able to orgasm from penetration alone. That's it -- 33% of women. Somewhere around the same number of women have never had an orgasm. Fortunately, I was never part of that number; I was merely challenging. ;) Subsequent experience taught me that, hell yes I can come, and y'know what on top of that? I'm a screamer! ;) But prior to that, it seemed as if most of my female friends with whom I discussed sex could come during sex, and for them it wasn't difficult at all; anatomically, I am not suited to orgasm from rubbing my pubis against someone else's pubic bone. It just doesn't provide the right stimulation for me, because I'm just not built for it. *shrug* I can live with that, and still have a great time in bed. It's the foreplay stuff that's sometimes more fun... othertimes it's just getting slowly made love to or out-and-out fucked that's where it's at. ;)

I also had a conversation with an old friend today about school programs and how long we've known each other and whatnot, as well as some of my thoughts behind the whole abandoning the list thing. It was really nice, and it kept me alert and interested during my shift at work, which isn't a usual thing for Wednesdays. Did I mention Wednesdays are my longest days? Urgh.

I can't believe there's only something like 7 weeks of classes left; at least 7 Wednesday classes left. *dance* Of course, in that time I still have a reading log, a term paper and a midterm to do, and that's just for the scary class. November is going to royally suck.

Huh. Checking out Blogger stats right now, and someone hit my site twice by searching for 'j-place amateur' -- frankly, I'm afraid of what 'j-place' might stand for, and I thought I knew a bunch of the terms. In the interests of science, let's see what else turns up when I do the same search...

I get an ad for a bisexual exhibitionist swinger, some information on professional versus amateur photographers, up the skirt shots, and some other random sites that include 'j-place' as a name... my site turned up for two different entries: One when I mention going over to J's place (the ex-boyfriend), and then another where I posted a big list of what your first initial tells about you when it comes to sex, and for "J" names, you don't like amateurs... weird things turn me up on Google. :)

So, I'm giving myself a day off or so. Today my third season of Sex and the City arrived from Chapters (which reminds me of the other thing I wanted to write about), so I'm going to watch a few episodes tonight then gorge on those and my Greek Mythology readings tomorrow. After sleeping in. :) And pampering myself in the bath and facial mask and all the stupid girly things that are fun to do. Maybe I'll even redo my nails if I feel adventurous. :)

So, Chapters thoughts. The Ottawa Citizen had an article about this on Sunday; namely that they're slowly making Chapters less reader-friendly, and more into a business. They've phased out the comfy chairs (which I'd noticed -- it's because they're harder to keep clean and undamaged, they claim), opened up the kid's section (so that parents will stop abandoning kids there, apparently), and now Starbucks has a sign out asking that you not bring in unpaid merchandise. According to the author of the article, Chapters people used to be very understanding if you spilled coffee on a book or magazine you hadn't purchased; frankly, I find that highly doubtful, and I seem to recall that sign having been there for quite some time -- it's not a recent addition. What is a recent addition, though, is the purpley paint that's slowly replacing the happy yellow paint that used to adorn the walls. As well, all of the big signs that used to advertise which section you were in -- "Lifestyles," "Fiction" and whatnot -- are now gone, namely because there were where the purple paint is now. The section in front of the cashiers used to have a few tables full of discounted books, and maybe some Godiva chocolates or gift boxes (Chapters has long had a partnership with Godiva, that predated the Indigo acquiring them), but now there are vast tables full of stuffed toys, kitchenware, candles, and various other non-book related items. If I want to buy a martini glass and shaker, I think I'm going to go to a kitchenwares store; I'm not about to go to my local Chapters. Chapters is for books; I go there because I like the selection of books it has (and please note, I still frequent Coles, probably even more so than Chapters), not because I can buy prepackaged coffee or decks of cards (yes, these are all items you can buy in Chapters, this isn't even Starbucks coffee that they're selling). Chapters had a warm, uplifting feeling for me; anytime I'm going from work to go to Chapters, I tell my coworker J that I'm going to "play in Chapters." It smelled slightly of coffee, which I liked even though I don't drink the stuff, and there was light jazz or pop music playing in the background (Starbucks always seemed to have some jazz music going on, same with their Internet-capable computer section), nothing that interfered with your book perusal. Today, there was some kind of harder R&B... I don't know quite how to describe it, but it certainly wasn't music I would have chosen to put on while eyeing books. A bookstore is a calming, fun place for me; I can spend hours just gazing at the titles and covers and the different colours and lettering and sizes and such of the books. I don't require music to enhance the experience, but if so, I think that something like jazz music is a nice background counterpoint.

Anyhow, I'm not as ranty about it as that sounds. It's just thoughts I had while there. I did leave with one book, though, so the experience wasn't for nought; mainly I'm waiting on the paperback versions of some of my favourite author's books to come out, or even their newest offerings (i.e., Susan Andersen, Jennifer Crusie, Terry Pratchett, Robert Asprin, if you were wondering ;)).

Heard from Di that Sara, her sister, said that the part-time profs may be going on strike. Of course, there's nothing on the website if this is in fact the case. What it does mean, though, is the potential to screw up my final year (although not a huge deal, since I live at home and work basically full-time throughout the year). However, if it means that I fail Theories, or even if I do fail Theories on my own account, I'm going to the department to offer them a pint of blood and my best friend and my first born children in order that they might pass me.

Barring that, I'll offer to kill off a select few of their enemies, and see if that helps my case. :)

Maybe several pounds of chocolate... we'll see.

I remembered why I was bringing up the conversation with K, the old friend. I realized today (although it's been mentioned by a few people before, it seemed to really drive home today), that I tend to attribute a lot of negative qualities to groups of people. That sounds wrong; namely, I project past experiences onto people. It's nothing to do with them -- it's not like anyone in the group gave me cause to think that such-and-such an action or comment meant what I analyzed it to me, but it's simply my conditioning from past relationships and friendships, unfortunately. Because the ex- or the coworker would say or react to something a certain way, I expect totally different groups of people to react the same way. Or someone makes a comment and I read way too much into what they've said or their expression or their tone. It's quite the road to paranoia, and it's totally unfair. I've always taken people's opinions to heart, even if they were someone that meant nothing to me. I don't know why I have, maybe conditioning from elementary school when the R's would make fun of me and I just wanted to be liked, I don't know.

What am I trying to say? Namely that I'm always self-conscious. I worry all the time that I'm talking too much, or not enough, or saying something offensive or stupid or not funny... and sometimes I relax and forget all this... and that would seem to be the times when the coworker would start to pout because I said something that upset him or I didn't pay enough attention to him or whatever.

Ben and I had a conversation a few nights ago about the 'importance' of having bad relationships because they teach you how to deal with adversity and you learn how to fight with someone you love. I say to you Ben, this is freaking proof that all you wind up with is baggage and horrible circumstances. Bad relationships are nothing but bad experiences, and while I have to celebrate all that every one of my relationships has taught me, I tend to regret the baggage and sore spots and hot buttons and paranoias -- either mine or someone else's (like The Ex-, UBFM's problem with being called a "goof" -- but you could call him anything else!). I need a few years in an isolation chamber to lose all this... and any other social skills whatsoever I might have had. ;)

I think that's all I have in my head for now. I'm going to go see if I can get onto Dad's computer so I can start my smut- or porn-watching, as my parents term it. I call it fun. :) I may have tomorrow, or I may wind up using it all up on the emails I owe and whatnot. We'll see. :)

Sorry about the updates arriving in one big chunk; I had some problems with the blog for a few days and couldn't post to it. :P I'll have some stuff later, but I'm feeling kinda blah about writing right now.

Actually, I'm feeling kinda blah in general. Stupid weather.

So, finished the paper around 12:30 a.m. last night. Tales about Shadow cat later -- kinda lost my momentum here for now.

I am the reading log's bitch. :P

More stuff from old emails and such...

The Language of a College Student

Beer Goggles: One's perception when under the influence of alcohol. Often causes unattractive people to look hot, long distances to look jumpable, and break dancing moves to look easy.

Beer Slut : A woman at the party who will get on any guy who is providing free beer.

BFN : Butt Fuck Nowhere - really far from campus, and/or civilization. [Jen's note: Where I have classes every semester, it seems. :P And I thought I was the only one that used this phrase!]

Booze [s?]nooze : A nap taken early in the afternoon to prepare for the night's party, after you've already been drinking.

Breaking the Seal :Going pee pee for the first time while drinking. Once the seal is broken, restroom trips become much more frequent.

Butterface : A girl who has a great body but not an attractive face. Comes from...."Everything looks good on her, BUT-HER-Face."

Cock Block : When one guy in a group interferes with another guy's efforts to score.

Deja Booty :1) a situation in which an individual reunites with a former fling in a seemingly random - and ironic twist of fate. 2) a rare instance when one hooks up with a seemingly new person only to realize that they had hooked up in the past but forgot because they drank too much Gold Schalger that night with Cool Jay down the hall.

Dropping Ass :An extremely violent bowel movement after a weekend of bad bar food and beer, "Don't go in the bathroom, I just dropped ass like Hiroshima."

Fifteen Minute Rule : If a professor is more than 15 minutes late, the class may leave and not expect any repercussion. If the class is taught by a TA, the time is shortened considerably.

Glaze Your Seat : Making a female excited.

Got Five On It : A rule that allows an individual to leave his/her seat in a room and return within five minutes and still retain rights to sit there.

Hallcest: The dangerous act of getting with someone on your hall your freshman year.

Hoggin' :The practice of hooking up with large, hefty individuals.

Jersey Chaser :A lady who only wants to get with the football/basketball players.

Knocking It : Recreational intercourse. Possibly from "knocking the boots." Possibly not.

Lightweight : One who is unable to handle their alcohol. [Jen's note: I.e., me, especially when I haven't been drinking in awhile.]

MDA (Mysterious Drinking Accident) : What happens when you get drunk and hurt yourself in some way, but don't remember it. Evidence of MDA's include cuts and bruises and NO MEMORY how you got them.

Navy Seal : When you have to pull a mission impossible because your friend is hooking up with the cute girl, but they brought the ugly girl. So you have to pull a Navy Seal and take one for the team. See also Jump On the Gernade.

Sausage Party : A gathering of many more men than women.

Setting the Pick : This is when you employ a friend to stop someone from approaching. For example, you see an old hook up coming up to you at a party. They will certainly ruin your current chances at nookie, so your friend intercepts the old flame before they get to you. Of coarse, you now owe your friend in return for the favor.

Slump Busting : When you are in a slump; either academic, athletic, or romantic, the sure fire cure is to go to the bar and find the nastiest, fattest, most wretched woman you can, take her home, and do the deed. Also known as, "taking one for the team" and "laying the wood to a fattie."

The Stranger : Sitting on your hand until it becomes numb, then jerking off. If feels like someone else, "a stranger," is doing it for you.

The Stranger-Ette : Same as above, but paint your nails.

Summer Teeth (mostly in Sudbury) : That woman has summer teeth, "summer" there, some ain't."

Three Second Rule :If a piece of food falls on the floor, one has three seconds to retrieve it before it gets to dirty to eat. Less than three seconds and the food in question is safe to ingest.

Ten Second Rule :Drunk version of Three Second Rule.

Upper Pooper :What you would like to do to a particularly attractive female.

Walk of Shame: The long, humiliating walk across campus in the same thing that you had on last night after hooking up that night.

Wounded Soldier : A full beer found when cleaning up the next day after a party.

I now have fouffy hair. :)

And before I forget... thank you to the person who found my site by searching for "blog" and "awesome sex" on Google. I think that's freaking hilarious, and I'm only sorry I haven't had any to post here for awhile. ;)

And a file from D, my girlfriend:

This pre-booty call agreement (hereinafter referred to as the "Agreement") is entered into on the _____day of __________, 2002, by_______________________, between ____________and______________.


THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:

1. No sleeping over - unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.

2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.

3. No calls before 9 PM - we don't have shit to talk about.

4. None of that "lovemaking" shit - only sex allowed.

5. No emotional discussions (i.e. Where are we heading with this? Do you love me?) The
answer is no, so don't ask.

6. No plans made in advance - that is why you are called the "backup," unless you are from
out-of-town, then it's only a one-time advanced arrangement.

7. All gifts accepted - money is always good.

8. No baby talk - however, dirty talk is encouraged.

9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers - it's really none of your damn business.

10. No calling each other "friends with privileges" we are not friends, just sex buddies.

11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK - don't be offended.

12. No extra clothing - I don't want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.

13. No falling asleep right after sex - it's over, so get your ass up, get dressed and go the
fuck home.

14. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it - I don't care.

15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.

16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be: "My roommate's
girlfriend/boyfriend."

17. Doggie style is the preferred position - the reason is less eye contact the better.

19. No condoms, no fucking. Carry your ass home.

20. Bring your own drink - I am not your liquor store.

21. No phone use, please - don't want anyone calling back looking for your ass.


* EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS:

The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this Agreement, it will automatically
become null and void and you will then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from phone memory and email list. In other words, you will be BLOCKED from all communications until your silly ass understands the rules.


Participating Party

Signature_______________________________________
Date: ________________

Participating Party

Signature_______________________________________
Date: ________________

Too weird, it looks like some of the comments have disappeared off my site. :( Who's deleting their comments?!

Ah well. So tired. Nice dinner last night with the folks... mentioned to them I think I might have SAD (Seasonal Affect Disorder -- when you get really depressed because of the changing over to fall/winter). I was saying that last fall/winter I was never totally 'up' until spring, and in the fall I had a whole bunch of crap going on, but in the winter, not really... and now it seems to be happening again, so... So I'm not sure what the next step is. I was saying I could try getting one of those lamps (a full spectrum lamp, I found out) and see how it goes... I know there are prescribed times to use it and all that, but I also know at least two people who have them, so I could find out all the info and just see if it helps.

Then my dad started making jokes about how we could set it up in the basement and also grow pot down there. He was saying that all the extra electricity is going to obviously cost money, so this way we could grow pot and make a profit, or at least break even. Then I made the joke that if the lamp didn't work out, at least I could smoke the pot and feel better that way. And this was a good family dinner. ;)

Hung out with R last night, who was in town. I got the pity visit, 'cause I happened to reply to his email and he called me up. ;) We were trying to get together with Ben, but couldn't get a hold of him, so we figure he was with his girlfriend and therefore out of reach. R and I drank at the bar for a bit, and because it's been since my birthday since I got drunk, and since D's birthday since I've had any alcohol (essentially a month), I was a very cheap drunk. :P Then went over to Denny's for dessert, since I hadn't had any with my family's dinner, and brought my dad back a slice of pumpkin pie. Good times, fun conversation as always.

Sunday night I got together with Big A, finally met his dog. Gave the pup a scratch for about two hours straight, so I'm now his new best friend, I think. :) It was good seeing Big A again... we got cheesecake after I finished my shift and just chatted all over the place; people, pets, and all the rest. We're going to start hanging out more, I think... life last year just got stupid for both of us, so we had to take time for that, as opposed to each other, unfortunately.

What else? The weekend was pretty quiet overall. Tonight is going to be slightly stressful, since I have to get some reading done and write a paper, and still get up tomorrow by 6:30 for an exam... crap! I have to do some studying for that, as well. :P It's "do 2 of 5 essay questions" so I don't think I'll be in a lot of trouble, but still... argh.

Hooray for school. :P I always forget the constant mild panic of never being fully-caught up on my readings, and worrying all the time about making sure I'm making payments to everything I owe on... *sigh* Ah well, just a few more months to go, and then I can either move on to just work, or part-time school, or another degree and bunch of debt. Yay!

Anyhow, time to get ready for class. Maybe we'll get our women and media papers back... I really do hope that the TA was teaching the course on Friday; otherwise I'll feel bad that we missed it. :P And Friday is the university day, so this week has been a really short week!

And the Bay has their Christmas decorations out for sale already -- I saw them last week in one of the hallways connecting it to the mall. Argh! It wasn't even freaking Thanksgiving yet, let alone Hallowe'en or Remembrance Day! If there are three major days before the holiday you have your decorations out for, then you have them out way too early. Admittedly, it was for sale, not for decorating the store, but it's just a slippery slope. :P

Do you ever look at someone or think of someone you know and wonder, "How in the hell does this person get laid? How does some guy willingly fuck him/her? Or how does some girl willingly let him/her into her body?"

Then do you ever wonder if people look at you and think the same thing, and feel guilty for being so snotty in the first place?

My head is an interesting place to live.

Being tipsy at the Denny's is fun! As is bringing home pie for your dad. :)

I just love being threatened. Maybe it wasn't intended that way, but that makes twice I've heard that exact phrase used, from the same person, and it sure as hell feels that way.

Let's see, first date was 6/28/02... breakup was 9/04/02. That's... about 67 days, give or take.

Today is 10/14/02. It's been about... 40 days. That gives me 27 days to get over or shut up.

I need to leave this city. Leave my computer behind, get a new phone number, new cell phone, and new life.

I wish it were six months from now. I wish it were six years from now.

Fuck. I wish I could stop feeling.

Are you happy?

Fixed up some pages a bit... slowly but surely developing the sample pages for each comic strip. So far, I've done Dilbert, Get Fuzzy and Avalon. We'll see what else I get done. :)

Gotta get ready for work now (including showering and whatnot), but I'll have plenty of time to post from work, so I will likely be doing so.

Sorry about the lack of updates; I've been feeling very uninspired, writing-wise, which is why I'm really behind on emails as well.

Actually, I've been feeling very uninspired about a lot of things, which is why I'm also behind on cleaning my room, getting rid of old clothes and books, and doing my readings. I'm starting to pull ahead in that last, though, so that's good.

So, had an argument with the ex- a few nights ago about how I put my mood in my MSN name. He feels I do it just for attention, and if I didn't want people asking me all the time about it, I wouldn't be doing it. I told him I do it to reflect how I'm feeling, which is true. If I'm feeling happy, it goes in there. If I have a quote I like, it goes in there. If no one asks me about it, fine. *shrug* That was... oh, Tuesday night, I think. Also had an argument in there about him assuming that once I've made up my mind on something, I can't change it (namely his girlfriend), and blah blah blah... we had one awhile ago about something stupid that I don't feel like typing out, but the short version of it is that, even though he's known me for about 8 or 9 years now (eesh!), he couldn't give me the benefit of the doubt on a comment I'd made; he automatically assumed the worst and went after me for it, instead of asking me about to see if that's actually how I meant it. :P

Got together with Ben for lunch on Wednesday. It was an awful day, weather-wise, and I was drinking hot drinks and had a hot soup for lunch. I had on a long-sleeved shirt, a sweatshirt, and my jacket, and I was still freezing. While we were waiting for the bus, Ben lent me his fleece, which I put on on top of everything, and I was finally warm. :) I don't deal well with being cold; I really really dislike it.

I spent the first half of the week being rather exhausted, too. Tuesday and Wednesday I was just absolutely wiped, Wednesday in particular, as I was up so early and at school for so long. I was falling asleep in both my classes and while I was at work, and yet on the bus, and before class, I couldn't really nap. :P

Yesterday I spent finishing up the second season of Sex and the City; I watched some of it Wednesday night, as well. I watched Gilmore Girls on tape, snuggled with the cats, got a tiny bit of reading done, and then went and picked up Ben and brought him to class with me. Chatted with the TA for a bit afterwards, and then went back to Ben's and watched "She's All That" -- finally! -- with his younger brother and I got home around 4:30 in the morning. Urgh. :)

It was kinda fun; I was being bad. The brother and I were flirting somewhat, but in what I think was a fairly harmless manner; prior to Ben returning from a phone call, we'd been talking about a girl that likes the brother and how he feels about it and whatnot. Most of our flirting involved poking at each other, or insulting or throwing out sexual comments to each other. We're both in a dry spell right now, so that doesn't really help, I don't think. ;) It's weird; I think he's a cutie, but I view him as a bit of a brother figure, simply because he's Ben's brother and much too young. So, it's fun to joke around and laugh, and I think (I hope!) everyone gets a giggle out of it, and doesn't get upset about it. However, if anyone is bothered by this (read: Ben or his brother), I would hope they would feel comfortable enough speaking up about it to me.

Tuesday's Women and Media class was taught by the TA, and my girlfriends and I don't like him or what he had to say, so we skipped class today. I got to bed late (obviously), so I was not terribly impressed when Mom called me at 10:30 this morning and woke me up. :P However, it meant I had time to get up and slug around the house, including watching CSI. It meant I got to work at the same time as I would've had I gone to class and then gone to work. The difference was that this week, I was done work around quarter after five (I worked until about 6, doing some music uploading that I've been putting aside for awhile), then came home and made myself some dinner and did a bit of reading... mostly I've been trying to find something on television that'll hold my interest for longer than five minutes. :P

Although I did watch the courtroom scene of Tom Cruise movie I can think of that I liked; I don't find him attractive, except in that flick. I hate the shaggy, unshorn look he has going on now; I like my men clean-cut for the most part, but some can get away with the scruffy look, or the long hair...Brendan Fraser in George of the Jungle, or Swordfish or X-Men are good examples of guys who can get away with it. Val Kilmer looked great in The Saint, and Dean Cain looked deliciously scrumptious in Lois & Clark.

Okay, I'm done now. However, I'm disappointed with some of the pictures that IMDB has for the actors. :P As soon as I get some good ones, they'll go into the photo gallery I'm setting up. :)

*mops up drool*

What else? Well, the coworker emailed me the other day saying that he missed having me in his life. The email was three lines long, and since I have shown over and over that I have no respect for that kind of rule of netiquette, here it is:
"subj: Crazy
You wanna hear something crazy?

I actually miss not having you in my life.

Weird eh?"

So I lied to Ben when I said it had the believe it or not thing, but that would normally be how he would write it. So, I replied, explaining that I've been ignoring him and treating work as something to go and do because I've got a lot on my mind, not because I hate him. I explained that this year, my stress is showing itself as crying jags instead of being snappy (which was how I was to him before, but I honestly think that was a product of him being part of the stress, but I didn't tell him that)... and he sent me one email saying he was sorry to hear that, and he remembered how tough it was going to school and work at the same time (sidebar about that, but I'll leave it be), and he sent me a picture of two cats that he hoped would make me smile, at least. Then he sent me another email saying that he'd still be willing to give me a hug, but I had to ask for it; he wasn't going to offer it.

Fneh. Typical coworker stuff; "I'll do x or y or z for you, but you have to ask for them; I'm not going to offer them!" I don't know what that's all about, but there are certain patterns he has that are so fucking frustrating and annoying that it just drives me nuts. :P He complained once that I wasn't predictable, that he could never be certain how I'd react to something... well, that may be a problem and all, but frankly, I think in a lot of ways it's preferable to always having the same patterns and such, like his royal arseness. :P Sorry, I'm not actually feeling as annoyed as that likely all came off. :)

Time for a Sex and the City break... I'll continue this when I get back. :)

Okay, I'm back. Caught some Sex and the City, and also caught the second half or so of Dogma, one of the great Kevin Smith flicks. :)

What else was I going to write about? Well, caught White Oleander on Monday with J and a couple of girls from the crew. A review I read of it today in the paper said that while it was a good movie, you're basically left asking, "And what's the point?" which was pretty much how I felt after it was over. I didn't hate it, I didn't love it, and I was left wondering, "Okay, so...?"

I'm going to keep padding out my site, including fixing out the favourites/samples part of the comics page, and adding a photo gallery with pics of celebrities and whomever else I feel like putting up there. Likely not pics of friends or myself, continuing that tradition, but we'll see; I may bend on that.

I thought I had something more I wanted to say, but now I can't recall it. :P

Well, I'm getting my system upgrade within the next week or so... so it means that I can start watching my DVDs in my room, and it means that I'll likely be heading out to pick up season three of Sex and the City very soon. :)

I've decided that the PMS is what's really responsible for my wicked-ass mood swings. :P Last winter I didn't do so well with the weather, either; once spring came around, I was much happier. Maybe it's the same in this situation, which is going to make for some long, miserable months. *sigh*

Overall, this last year has really sucked total balls:

The ex- and I broke up.
I started seeing the pizza guy and screwed that up -- and it wasn't the greatest relationship to begin with, but it was good for what it was supposed to be.
I started seeing the coworked, and anyone who's been reading for any length of time knows how well that worked, and especially ended. ;)
My grandmother died.
Chloe disappeared.
The ex- started dating and sleeping with his current girlfriend, which took me quite some time to get used to and over, especially when he kept coming back and fooling around with me and saying he wanted to sleep with me, and he wanted to sleep with me more than her. And no, I didn't do it.
Then, I meet this wonderful guy, totally fall for him and have a great, if short, relationship, and now I'm getting over that. :P Oh. Well. I'm tough.

I have thoughts here on dry spells, but I don't know the best way to articulate it, and I'm bound to shock people. ;) I feel bad; I never really bothered about that before, but now I'm starting to think about what I write every now and then.

I'll try, though. Although I should probably go to sleep very soon; I'm writing seriously grammatically incorrect sentences. :P

Okay, so... basically, as long as I've been sexually active (and I'm not talking about full penetration or anything, I'm talking about any kind of sexual activity), I haven't had much of a dry spell. That's not to say that I was jumping from relationship to relationship, although the last several years have pretty much worked out that way. I mean... I started going out with the ex- the first time, then The Ex-, then the ex- again, then the pizza guy, the coworker, and J. I wasn't looking for anyone, except kinda in J's case... it just worked out that way. The Ex- was the first guy I slept with (unfortunately, one might say), and since that time, the longest non-penetration amount of time I've had has been four months. The first time was the choice of the ex- -- he wanted to wait on penetration, but we were fooling around otherwise -- and the second time was chronicled on here back in the spring, when I stopped sleeping with the coworker. He and I would occasionally fool around, but there wasn't any penetration, and that was the way I wanted it.

All of that is leading up to the thought I've had, and that's that a self-imposed dry spell -- even one with 'other' activities -- is one thing... having one imposed on you, without any other kind of contact, sucks. :P Especially when, yes, you are horny, but not for just anyone that happen along. Because, speaking honestly and not vainly, if I wanted to get laid, I probably could. That's not a definite, I'm sure that things have changed in other people's lives, and for all I know the last person to make me an offer has since found someone, but there was also a friend of mine who not-really asked me out... I'm sure I could turn that into something more if I wanted to. But, I don't.

I learned after the three times that I had non-romantic sexual relationships with people that I need the caring to really put myself into the act itself. As sex for sex's sake, I still enjoy the act and still want to ensure that my partner enjoys himself, but it's more like the orgasm is the goal, and let's get to that goal sooner, rather than later. When I'm in a romantic relationship with someone, sure, sometimes it's a quickie or what-have-you (as chronicled in here ;)), but I definitely feel the mood more often where I want to take my time kissing my partner all over and teasing and pleasing him, ensuring that he has the best possible time, and enjoying being pampered and teased when it's my turn.

Now that I think about it, I think the first time that J and I slept together was likely my best 'first time' with anyone. The first time is usually awkward and uncomfortable, since you're so busy learning each other's bodies and you're all excited 'cause it's the first time and all, but we had a lot of time spent on foreplay, and he was driving me insane and I was doing my best to do the same to him. When it came time for the goal... well, a few select friends have been fortunate enough to hear that story, but quite frankly, I was surprised, amazed, pleased, and very giggly. Maybe some day when I'm less conscious of his friends reading here, I'll post more details, but for now... it's weird, it's one of those lines I just can't bring myself to cross, even though he used to encourage me to do so. I think he liked the public ego boost, or at least the idea of it. ;)

Ah well... I can write stuff like that now without the feeling of regret that I used to have. That's not to say that I don't feel that at other times, like when I see him in person, but for now at least, I'm numb. Well, I'm warm, which is a pleasant change from most of today when I was freezing, but I'm not feeling all weepy and such. Apparently that part of my period has passed. :P

For people who've read this far, thoughts on Monday. At first, I was okay. I got there late and wound up sitting next to him, which had not been my plan. Then, when he went to get snacks and drinks, he wouldn't take my money for the snacks I got. Then, he got a large popcorn and we wound up sharing it. All of these are boyfriend/girlfriend things, and the fact that I couldn't enjoy them as such was a bit of salt in the wound, but I did okay. He and I had chatted a bit on ICQ earlier that afternoon (and when I say a bit, I mean about 7 or 8 lines probably), and then another 5 or 6 lines when I got home, and we said a few words to each other at the theatre, but that was about it. I know at one point when I looked over at him, or caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of my eye, it was a case of "Damn, you look good," but what can I do about it? Nadda thing. :P

One of the girls that was at the movie and I have been emailing back and forth; she's one of the people to whom I owe email. She's had some pretty insightful and interesting things to say on the matter, and it's been really ... well, interesting I guess... to learn someone else's perspective on it.

It's unfortunate that he's not ready for a relationship right now, but y'know what? It's his loss. He told me that I was fantastic and all kinds of other things, and he said he was totally falling for me, the ex-'s cousin thought we were adorable together, all of his friends and family that I met appeared to like me, and the same applies for my friends and family -- my mom even liked him! -- and we both said we were good together... and he's missing out on that. I'm going places. I'm finishing my degree, I'm going to go places in my job as soon as I get some courage, and I might be changing various other situations as well. I'm at a great place in my life right now, and I will be building something really great here, and he's going to miss out on that. I understand where he's coming from, but quite frankly, I think there's balance that could've been achieved, but now... I don't know, maybe it's too late. Whether it is or not, it's not my move to make, that's for sure.

So, as much as I've bemoaned in here on my site, I don't want another relationship. Sure, there are things I miss about being in a couple, and these are things that you just can't do or get as a single chick, but I'm okay with that. My friends appreciate me, and I have more time and energy to devote to my schoolwork and my paid work. If someone asked me out on a date, I'd say yes, provided I was interested. *shrug* But I'm not looking for anything more, which is exactly the time when I usually meet someone and wind up in a serious relationship with them. :P

But I'm holding out for someone worthwhile, someone who'll treat me right. Ah hell, who'm I kidding? I'll probably wind up with another string of toads and get hung up on someone who'll probably physically abuse me or something equally awful. *roll* I also know that I'd likely go back out with J if he were to ask me, but first of all, I know that's not going to happen for a long time, if ever, and second of all, I'd be a lot more cautious, I know.

*roll* Okay, I'm lying to myself. I probably wouldn't be that cautious even then. *sigh* I'm stupid.

So, thinking far in advance to the only fun events that are going to be part of my life for the next little while... Hallowe'en and the work Christmas party. I have an idea for my costume for Hallowe'en, I just need to get a hair cut, hair dye, and and idea of how I'm going to put that costume together in the next little while. I want to get a black bodysuit, so I need to get to a dance supplies store in that time.

For the work Christmas party, I've heard that it's being held in our workplace this time around, which kinda sucks, and kinda leads me to think that I don't want to go spend money on a dress or go too fancy... last time, I bought a dress, and I don't think I like it very much, or didn't even half-way through the evening. I'm thinking I'll wear my high school grad dress; it's royal blue, it's longish, it's nice, and when else will I get to wear it again? :P Apparently we'll have a block of hotel rooms reserved for us, so I'll probably get a room again, even if it's just me, or if I share it with some of the other producers/ops from work, as Vicki suggested. I'd love to have a room to myself with a boyfriend... Part of me wants to set a goal of being in a relationship by that time, especially if the coworker will be showing up with his girlfriend, but the other part of me knows that that's unrealistic, calculating, and unlikely to happen anyways. I don't want a boyfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend, that's just stupid.

But damn, I'd love to initiate one of those kind-sized beds, which I didn't take the opportunity to do last year. But last year I was exhausted, annoyed, weirded, feeling vaguely guilty, and frankly, just not interested enough. Which was weird, 'cause hotel rooms kinda make me horny. :)

Ah well, maybe I'll hook up with someone at the party. ;)

Yesterday, hanging out with Ben, waiting for Di to show up (which she never did, because she and Ben are the Polkaroo). We had a bit of a chat about hope, which I'll try to get into tomorrow, but for now, I really have to go to bed. I'm reaching cross-eyed stage, or at least the "I can't think" stage. I'll try to come up with more for tomorrow, if my faithtful readers can be bothered to read that much. ;)

And btw... use the comments section! It's there for a reason... so I know that people love me and actually read my site, not just hit it by accident. :)

Night everyone.

Oh yeah... sometimes I wonder how many of the hits I get are actually me, checking to see if anyone's posted any comments, or checking to see if what I'm writing/trying out has posted properly. :P :)

I'm trying to revise a bunch of my site, clean up the garbage that is the HTML code in my template. It's not going to be the prettiest of formats, but I'm trying. :)

More cleaning off of my computer...

Here's a few text files I've found. I'm zipping up a lot of the pictures that I had on my hard drive... not deleting them, but not making them accessible, either.

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one that has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.


And a joke...
Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they make love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped on her reading lamp one passionate night, only to find a cucumber in his hand. "Is THIS what you've been using on me for the last 5 years?" she asked, pointing at the vegetable. "Honey, let me explain . . ." "Why, you sneaky bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a bitch!" "Speaking of sneaky," her husband coolly interjected, "maybe you'd like to explain our three kids."

Hello, wicked ass mood swings. It's gonna be a fun week, ladies and gentlemen!

Driving home from the movie this evening, I felt like doing anything but going straight home. I wanted to spend time with a friend or two, and it was then that I realized just how few of my friends live in the city. Especially friends that I can call up and just hang out with for an hour or two until I felt better, without necessarily talking about what was upsetting me.

It's a very lonely feeling, having plenty of friends and so few of them nearby. I wish I had set crew of people, like on Sex and the City or something. A best friend or a group of friends that I could call up and get together whenever there was something going on.

Anyhow, I think that blue mood has passed for now. I think the crying was cathartic, so we'll see how long that lasts.

In a blast from the past... I'm going through files on my computer and seeing what I could clean out. Here's something I found that I wrote long before this started. I think I figured I'd host it off our home mail server, and it just never went anywhere:

"March 7, 2001. 8:20 p.m.

Well, I’ve decided to jump on the bandwagon that my friends have started rolling, at least for now. I’ll see what I can do about starting an online journal, and let people into the horrible little recesses and nooks and crannies that are my head and psyche (sorry about the language, I’m in paper-writing mode).

The latest frustration in my life involves my parents. You’d think I’d be out of the teenage rebellion/frustration phase, wouldn’t you? Mind you, I never really rebelled, so maybe that’s what this is now. I want to have a social life, so I go out of the house. Now, when I hang out with certain people who drive me home, I don’t always get home until a decent hour, which causes my parents anger, since they’d be happier if I spent more time on school. Dammit. My classes this semester are boring, and do not interest me much, so after working and going to classes and having little to no time to myself, the last thing I want to do is come home and reading Organizations Theories or read about Marxism in the media or other crap like that.

Whatever. I just finished one of the papers, and it’s probably crappy and I don’t care. Now there’s only two left. *sigh*

What else? I’m in a weird place right now relationship-wise, and I don’t know what to think anymore and I almost don’t care. The coworker told me on Monday that he likes me, and we had lunch today, and that was fine. He knows that I’m not looking for commitment, just fun, and that didn’t seem to send him running off, so I guess I shouldn’t worry. I wonder if I’m doing the right thing, going out for dates with someone who may be more into me than I am into him, but I like his company and he’s a good person, so I guess as long as I don’t lie to him or let things get out of hand, it’s all good.

I think that’s all I feel like writing right now. We’ll see what happens later."

Funny how things look in hindsight, now? I don't even remember this lunch he and I had together, but that was an awfully long time ago, emotion-wise and everything else wise. Eeesh. He's a good person... *laugh* Okay, not fair. :)

So, going to go see if I can get the computer from Dad to watch some more shows, or perhaps have a quick shower to warm up. I hate the fall and winter seasons -- I'm always cold.

Maybe if I just hide away and never talk to anyone, I'll feel better.

I'm so tired. So tired of everything and all of it and feeling it and feeling and school and pressure and work and being here and being me and looking like me and feeling and thinking like me.

I'm tired of boring my friends with all my crap and misery. It's been over a month. Why can't I just suck it up and move on? Or be at peace with things, like the other couple I know that broke up a month ago? I mean, they were together for a few years... why has two months done this to me?

Maybe I really can't be single. I have friends like that and they don't seem to think there's anything wrong with it. Why do I have to be single?

Well, maybe because I have bad luck in choosing guys. *sigh*

I want everything to freeze in place so I can get everything done. I want everything to speed up and take me a few months from now so I can feel better.

I want to be done school and in another place. Maybe if I stop using ICQ and MSN and just not go out, things will improve.

I'd go out and have a one-night stand or hook up with someone just for some kicks, but it would be hollow and it would just make me feel like crap. Since I already feel like crap, why reinforce the situation?

I like being in love. Correction: I like being in love when it's working out. The alternative sucks balls, and I've felt like this too much in the last few years.

First, it was the ex-, now J. It's time to stop giving my heart. Period. Be the robot the coworker's accused me of, and stop feeling and crying and hurting and suffering.

Am I bleak enough yet? *sigh*

I think perhaps I'll take myself out for a drink tonight. Either that, or I'll slug around the house and do nothing, since I look like crap.

Fuck. Being me just sucks lately.

And yet, some people would argue I have it all. I'm not very in debt, I'm looked-after, I have a steady job (even if aspects of it are stressing me out lately), I'm in my final year of school, and yet... I just can't appreciate it.

Maybe I will once it's all gone. :P

Anyhow, time to get to work on the paper. Then try to do some more reading. Isn't my life a blast?

Oh yeah, forgot... long story short, on Saturday I was in the studio. I was curious if the coworker had found this place or not, as he had asked me once about a post that appeared here and on unCultured. He revealed that it was unCultured he had read, which I don't care about.

Anyhow, brat that I am, I checked out the history on his computer, and sure enough, every week or so he checks out unCultured, at least from work. For all I know, he hits it daily from home.

If you know the name of this site (which is never the way I refer to it, it's just 'my site'), and the name under which I post, you can find this place easily. Same thing if you search for my email address, or at least one of them (I've changed a few of them that I use here, so it's harder to find). Anytime I access my site or any site that points to it, I wipe the history of my computer -- I found out once that one of the jocks goes through the history every night he has a shift and checks out the sites that other people go to. By that time, I'd hit my site a bunch, so either he doesn't bother reading it or never bothered checking it out, or by the time his shifts came around, it had been removed from the history, I don't know.

So, anyways... I don't know if he can't find my site, or thinks that unCultured is it, but in the meantime, I'm assuming he hasn't found it and I'm happy. :)

I'm half-tempted to give the ex- the link to it... I barely talk about him anymore, but some of what's on here is pretty... not great... for someone to read about themself, so maybe I won't. At this point, I almost don't care if the coworker even finds it. *shrug* I know he's not a big reader, and he doesn't have the patience to sit down and read for long periods of time (his words, more or less), so I don't think he'd bother going back far enough to read anything that might get him really ranting at me. ;)

I don't feel right.

I don't know what's wrong, but I just don't feel right.

Well, maybe that's not entirely true. All I know is, I haven't felt entirely right for awhile.

I don't know whether to be encouraged or depressed about that.

On another note... I bought the fishies some treats today -- whole bloodworms in a gel. They don't seem too enthused about it, although Storm ate some this evening. I think this afternoon they were likely full from the late breakfast they'd just had, and they were stressed from me cleaning their tank. They still seem a little stressed, not as enthusiastic about food as they usually are, but otherwise they're doing well.

I picked up a catnip toy for Digger (there's a certain kind he really likes), and he was very thrilled with it. Even Shadow got to play with it for a bit. It was funny; Digger was out in the porch, and he was getting all high off the catnip, and when Shadow came over to investigate, he was swiping at her. I laughed; Mom made me bring him inside so they were separated. :)

Ah well... got a parking ticket today from the lot next door to work. I was bound to get one eventually, so I don't mind; goodness knows I've gotten away with it enough that paying the $20 ticket is absolutely nothing.

I appear to have started biting my nails again. Well, there's no appear about it; it's happening.

Wound up telling Mom and Dad about the possible plans I'm coming up with for the end of the 2002 year or endish of the school year. Nothing's definite or confirmed, however, so I'm not posting anything about it for awhile.

This afternoon, Mom and Dad called me to ask me to (well, to demand that I) show up at Price Club. They'd purchased a television that wouldn't fit in Dad's car, so they needed Mom's hatchback. Of course, they didn't tell me that, just said for me to get there ASAP, so I had a multitude of questions and theories running through my head, not the least of which was that they'd found Chloe at PetSmart and wanted to surprise me. That just goes to show how long I can hang onto hopes, even if I've accepted that she's not coming back.

Anyhow, I returned home with the television, and they followed me back so they could unload the television (so I wouldn't take it downtown to work with me), and continue their errands. They ended up directly behind me, and Dad kept a few car lengths back so as not to be too close if I had to stop; they certainly wouldn't want to damage the car or their new acquisition.

I'm driving along, being careful with my maneuvres and my speeding, since my parents are immediately behind me. I'm on one of the major roads, doing just slightly above the speed limit (85 maybe, instead of 80), on my way towards home, when I notice a car riding my ass -- seriously tailgating me. I thought at first Dad was being funny, and then I noticed that it wasn't him at all. Well, I know how to deal with tailgaters; I slowed right down. Took my foot off the gas, and just kept slowing down until I was cruising along at 60. Buddy was still kissing my bumper the whole time. Meanwhile, cars are whipping by us on the right hand side, so he can't get out. Finally, he gets around me and lane hops a bit and that's the last I see of him.

When we all met up back at the house, Mom and Dad said that Buddy'd cut them off to get around a minivan on the right hand side, then got stuck between the two of us. Apparently all the cars behind Mom and Dad were pulling out and passing our little caravan, thereby boxing Buddy in. They said they were back there laughing their heads off, especially seeing how frustrated this guy was getting. I was checking my rearview mirror, and he didn't seem to be cursing me, but I guess he was getting pretty antsy. Anyhow, they praised me, saying I did exactly the right thing, and I guess I provided them with some entertainment for what would have otherwise been a pretty dull drive.

The other night, I went over to Ben's place for some tv watching and just general hanging out. We watched Sex and the City and Josie and the Pussycats (She's All That, our original choice for teen flicks, was rented -- although both movies have the same female lead), and it gave me my idea for what I'd like to dress up as for Hallowe'en. Along with his brother, we had quite the interesting conversation on horror flicks, and as always, I had fun. Got to see his other brother drunk later that evening, and he was being slightly belligerent, but he was drunk and it was about 4 in the morning at that point; I'm sure (and I think Ben confirmed it for me later), that I was also not exactly a sweet and cheerful person. ;) It didn't help that I was still feeling the cold, I was quite tired, and I didn't have any cold medication with me because I'd left my backpack at home. :P

My point to that segue was about stupid drivers -- the guy who was passing so that he was driving towards me, and I felt he was cutting things a tad too close, although I don't think I was in serious danger of an accident, but I did brake anyhow -- and there was some other dillhole whose antics I can't remember now.

But what that does lead me to is another thing that pisses me off , which I dealt with on the drive to work today, and that's people that don't signal their turns and/or lane changes. I think it's especially unforgiveable on a four-lane highway with everyone cruising at speeds no less than 100 km/h (well, except for the one guy I got stuck behind just before my exit, who was doing 80 (!!!)), but it annoys me just as much driving around suburbia. It's awful when you're a pedestrian, because even if you have the right of way, drivers will get all upset when you happen to be where they want to turn, but they didn't do you the courtesy of having on their turn signal so that you can be aware that they were going to run you down. I don't care if you're in a turning lane, have your damn signal on -- I've seen plenty of people drive straight through an intersection from a turning lane, and I've seen people turning with the wrong blinker on. Admittedly, that's less helpful, but at least Buddy had the principle of the thing that time. Even if he was a moron.

I still love the song, "All I want is you," by U2. It's my favourite song of theirs, I think, and likely my favourite slow song. I can't really think of any others right now.

I like slow dancing in private. A great slow song comes on the stereo or the radio, I like approaching my boyfriend and slow-dancing with him.

Admittedly, I've only done that with one boyfriend, but the principle is still there. I think it's romantic, without being over-the-top mushy, and it's private and between the two of you.

The lyrics to "Caress me down," by Sublime, are also speaking to me now, but in a totally different way. ;)

I want to take stock of my life and figure out what I want. Okay, rephrase that. I know what I want, I just can't do anything about it right now. I'm stuck in this city for seven months at the least. Depending on where life takes me between now and then, I may be here longer than that, I may not.

Of course, I don't really have the money to go elsewhere, but it's a nice pipe dream.

I'd like a grand gesture or two. I think it would be really romantic to receive flowers at work.

Sometimes I feel like the people I talk to either don't get how I'm feeling, or just are trying to pretend they don't know. Okay, so I'm thinking of one person in particular right now, but I'm sparing names. I don't want to start a fight, I just want to acknowledge what I'm feeling.

I need to buy new jeans. These ones are getting really almost unfit for public wearing. It's too bad I can't fit into the other ones anymore, at least I don't think I could. The store where I buy these has changed all their styles, and marked up their prices, too, so I have to go there some day when I'm actually in the mood to shop. I can't just show up and buy the style I liked, since they've all changed. That annoys me, and I can't seem to get jeans I like anywhere else, which also annoys me.

However, it's hard to be seriously annoyed when you have a cat snuggling you and giving you gentle licks, as mine just did. As I also have to get up early tomorrow, I'm off to bed.

What kind of porno would you star in?
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While I was driving to school yesterday, I happened across a dead cat in the lane in which I was driving, right next to the median. I cried off and on until I got to my class. Part of me kept thinking about whether that was how Chloe died or not, and the other part of me was just sad for that poor cat.

I'll be taking a somewhat different route to get to the highway for the next few days, just to be on the safe side. I know there's a roadkill patrol, but I've seen wild animals stay on the road for several, if not many, days. I don't to take any chances.

On a more up note, I finished my paper last night. If you will, here is a paragraph from it:

In some ways, this [the ultimate goal for women being marriange and motherhood] has not changed. Many advertisements feature a smiling, happy, perfectly coifed woman surrounding by healthy, beatific children and a handsome, affable husband, explaining just how happy she is that the newest (insert product here) has made her home so spotless she could do open-heart surgery on her kitchen table after preparing a pot roast dinner with all the trimmings for her perfect nuclear family. Either that, or the newest product has expedited the process of performing whatever routine, mind-numbing task that has been automatically delegated to Mom because the workplace is set up so that she could never earn nearly as much as her husband. In a nineties or millennium twist, there is the career woman rushing home to the same basic family structure, and regardless that she beat her husband home by mere minutes, it is up to her to ensure that a hot, nutritionally-balanced home made meal appears on the table as soon as Dad announces that he is starving. Modern advertising still appears to say that, while women are welcome in the workforce, they are still responsible for ensuring that the home keeps running, remains spotless at all times, and that the children are looked after as well as the husband, a bland, vague, non-threatening presence in the background.

Hehe. I'm kinda proud of that one.

Anyhow, gotta try to rework the conclusion and bit and then get ready to go. I'm up really early (relative to when I actually have to leave), and I couldn't get to sleep last night, and I still have my cold, so I'm a little iffy right now. Ah well, hopefully it won't be an especially taxing day. One class, then a fair bit of work to do, and that's just what I held over on from Wednesday. :)

What else? Well, exciting discussion with Ben last night, but I'm holding off on posting anything about it until there's some kind of further details/decision made about it. In the meantime, I go to get ready. :)

So, I have a whole bunch of stuff due over the next two weeks, including meeting with different partners to do things, and no idea when I'm actually going to get it all done. Urgh.

I have five reading logs to do by the end of November (first one due tomorrow, so of course I'm writing it now), so by the time I'm finished the two months, I will be the Queen of Reading Logs/Synthesis Papers (two different names for basically the same idea).

Crown me! Bow down before my mastery of the domain of reading logs!

Okay, I can't really claim that until I finish writing the damn things. Back to work!

*sigh* So, hours of HTML down the drain 'cause I just can't seem to make it work. Grrr. Ah well.

Crap, just thought Dr. Seuss was dead -- not a good feeling. :(

It's a bit long, but funny, especially for anyone who does or has owned a cat (if they can really be 'owned'). :)

CAT QUIZ FOR HUMANS
From J Bologna
Additions: JokeMaster

Your cat waits and meows at the front door when you arrive. Is it saying?
a) Welcome home, I missed you
b) The phone rang twice while you were out
c) Feed me, *NOW*
d) So, I see you didn't bring me the mate I asked for.
e) Your pillow is history

Your cat meows at the door when you go out. Is it saying?
a) Please don't leave me here all alone
b) Have a nice day
c) But what if I get hungry while you out?
d) Kiss that new vase goodbye

Your cat digs its claws in your leg. This is?
a) An unsuppressed primal instinct
b) A sign of affection
c) A demand to be fed now
d) Have YOU had YOUR shots?
e) An attempt to 'fix' you like you 'fixed' him

Your cat scratches at the door after being fed. Is it saying?
a) Lemme out - I need to fertilize the garden
b) Wanna go out and play?
c) Wonder what they've got to eat next door?
d) Do I mark my territory outside, or inside?

When your cat stares at you, it means:
a) It is bored silly
b) It's trying to understand how it's food grows in cans
c) You are being sized-up for an attack
d) Human mating habits are disgusting

Your cat brings a dead mouse/bird into the house. This means:
a) A primal instinct is being displayed
b) You're not feeding me enough
c) It is showing a sign of affection by sharing
d) It is demonstrating the fact that it knows how to kill; be warned
e) All of the above

Your cat displays signs it wants to mate with other cats in the neighborhood. You should:
a) Let it out immediately
b) Try to switch its interests to other things
c) Put on heavy protective clothing if you are not planning to let it out
d) If the other cat's owner is attractive, maybe you could double

Your cat sleeps with you; covering your face. This means:
a) It is showing you great affection
b) It knows you are allergic to cats
c) It has discovered the fine art of suffocation
d) You should have let it out tonight

> >^,,^< >^,,^< >^,,^< >^,,^<

CAT QUIZ FOR CATS
From J Bologna
Additions: JokeMaster

Your human walks into the kitchen. Does this mean?
a) It's hungry
b) It's lost
c) You're hungry
d) Let the begging begin

Your human puts down a bowl of food for you. Is this?
a) Supper
b) Something s/he obviously wouldn't eat
c) Something to keep you going till supper's ready
d) Inedible junk to be scorned in favor of what the humans eat

Your human removes you from the top of the television. Does this mean?
a) You're in trouble - better not do it again
b) Nothing - humans do this from time to time
c) The human wants to play, so climb up again to amuse it
d) It is time to chew on the cable wire again

Staircases are for:
a) Getting up to the human's bed at 4am
b) Lying in wait in the dark at the top of
c) Walking down just slower than the human in front of it
d) All of the above

Your human talks/yells at you. You should:
a) Listen intently, even if you don't understand
b) Meow in acknowledgment and continue what you were doing
c) Ignore him/her completely; you're a cat, they mean nothing
d) Move on to the next annoying activity to encourage their talking behavior

Phone and electrical cords and strings from fabrics are:
a) Important to humans and should be left alone
b) Playthings and deserve your total attention; no matter what damage may result
c) Annoying and should be removed immediately

Birds, small rodents and large bugs should be:
a) Ignored (especially if your human wants them removed)
b) Played with until they stop playing
c) Presented to your human as a proud trophy
d) Hidden under your human's pillow for safe keeping
e) Consumed for their nutritional value

A human giving you a bath should be considered:
a) Under no circumstances
b) Under no circumstances
c) Under no circumstances
d) An act of war
e) All of the above

Your human's value is limited to:
a) Providing food
b) Providing water
c) Letting you out
d) Providing opposite-gender feline companionship
e) Leaving you alone
f) All of the above; if properly trained


>^,,^< >^,,^< >^,,^< >^,,^<

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats."-Albert Schweitzer

And some bologna, but hey, I could use some great sex... and it's fun to laugh at ;)

Did you know that you can tell from the skin whether a person is sexually active or not?

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when woman make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which make hair shiny and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases the body endorphin into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite or same sex crazy!

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

This message has been sent to you for good luck in sex. The original is in a room in Malaise. It has been sent around the world nine times. Now sex has been sent to you. The "Hot Sex Fairy" will visit you with in four days ( I can't wait) of receiving this message, provided you, in turn, send it on. If you don't then you will never receive good sex again for the rest of your life.

You will eventually become celibate, and your genitals will rot and fall off. This is no joke! Send copies to people you think need sex (who doesn't?)

Don't send money, as the fate of your genitals has no price. Do not keep this message. This message must leave your e-mail in 96 hours. Please send ten copies and see what happens in four days. Since the copy must tour the world, you must send it. This is true, even if you are not superstitious.

GOOD SEX, but please remember: 10 copies of this message must leave your e-mail in 96 hours or you will not have good sex again for the rest of your life!!!!


Now, I have to say, some of this is really pretty sexist. But then again, it's easy to see sexism when you're studying it everywhere. :) However... *sigh* Argh. I hate being sick, I hate having a cold, I hate being so tired and run down. And there are a number of other things I hate, work being right up there right now. I'm getting kinda screwed at work, and the problem is, I can't really say anything about it, because it's one of my bosses doing it. I hate not being able to call people on their hypocrisy or other comments/stupidities because they happen to be my superior. Don't try to be my friend and then be my boss -- it doesn't work.

Hmm... life might get interesting over the next while, or it might remain completely and totally unchanged; we'll see. More than likely, totally unchanged, but one can hope, no? No. But... I wish. *sigh*

Anyhow, I'm going to try to sleep off this cold. Or at least put myself out of my misery. :P

Shadow used me as a launchpad the other night, so I have a beautiful set of scratches adorning my chest. *sigh* I love my cats. :)

And a joke I found in rec.humor.funny.reruns:

A middle aged businessman goes to see his physician.

"Doctor, I've got this problem," the man says. "My secretary, she
loves to give blow jobs. Every morning when I get to work I get a blow
job. She gives me a quick one before I leave for lunch. And before I
leave work at the end of the day she *really* works me over."

"So what seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.

"Well, you see, my wife is a nymphomaniac," the man continued. "I
service her every morning when we get up. I go home for a quick half
hour every day at lunch and then we have a marathon session each night
before we go to sleep."

"I still don't know what your problem is," said the doctor.

"You see Doc, every time I masturbate I get these dizzy spells."

On that note, I go finish getting ready for the day. Urgh, stupid cold. It's not there yet, but I can feel it, lurking in the background. *grrr*

I skipped class today because I was gross sick for a good chunk of the day, in spite of eating basically nothing. Before supper, my entire day's food was the equivalent of a normal day's midmorning snack. The sick just manifested itself (in spades!) around 5:00, lucky me. I'm also coming down with a cold, which is the exact perfect time for me not to have one. Finally, I have a blue tongue, but that's because of my popsicles, not any other condition with which I might be afflicted.

Whoever put vanilla and mint together are doing my tastebuds a serious disservice.

I had a chat with D this morning after our a.m. class. That was nice; we compared notes on our dissolving/ed relationships, and she's trying to get me to go out with her and the girls in two weeks. I told her it really depends on what I have due around that time. :P I'm not sure if I want to go or not; different crowds, different ideas of what constitutes a good time...

I need a haircut, although it's finally getting long enough to tie back into a ponytail, albeit a sad one. :)

I also need to clean out the fishies tank... it's not that gross, since their poo is clear, but I think they'd appreciate it. Maybe I'll try to sneak them into the kitchen and see if Mom notices. ;)

(Okay, okay... of course she would. Then, if I didn't move them after she asked me six or seven hundred times, she'd put them out in the porch. We're both awful. :)

Writing emails to people sometimes helps me think things through in ways that I don't when I'm writing here. I'm not sure why the difference; maybe just feeling introspective 'cause my body was going all kablooey on me, I'm not sure. Realized some things while I was writing that hadn't necessarily struck me before.

I realized today that sometimes we take certain things for granted. There are very few people that I can think of with whom I've developed an automatic connection. Most of them are pretty recent, too, and unfortunately, some of them I've lost touch with, or at least a bit. Some friendships I've renewed -- like H. Others have lapsed a bit, like A, but he and I still do chat, just not as often as we used to, which is a shame. It's funny how groups of friends can rotate like that.

So, making a connection with someone is really important, especially in the context of a relationship. It's not something that's happened to me very often. Maybe about as often as I've been in love -- I'm not entirely sure that the two are connected, although it seems that way. In other relationships, there's always been discord, it's never matched up really well -- the coworker, the pizza guy (although for those two it wasn't really meant to), The Ex-... I don't know. For the record, here, I'm not moping or sulking or whining, I'm just reflecting, trying to be introspective.

Oh yes, before I forget. I made a comment in my post last Friday about the J that hated me. I wanted to clarify, 'cause that had some confusion with it -- that's J, one of the security guards at work (not the one who fed me, the one who now shares a place with the coworker). That's not meant to be J, the most recent ex-boyfriend.

Anyhow, I think that's all I have to say for now. At some point, I'm hoping to post a well-thought out commentary on politics or current events or something. In the meantime, a final thought -- it's very strange when you're single around the same time as some of your long term friends and they start coming on to you. Very unexpected.

Well, tonight's evening of slugging and pampering went okay. I exercised a bit on the bike (only about 15 half-hearted minutes), did some brain exercises with some logic problems, and before that, bathed and shaved and facialed and relaxed a bit. Going back earlier than that, watched the last half of the first season of Sex and the City, and ate popcorn and drank a Coke, thereby negating my healthy dinner and lunch of the last two days, salad and trail mix.

Yay for rabbit food.

My appetite seems to be diminishing -- I'm down to about two meals a day plus the odd snack here and there, and I'm not sure if it's because of an effort on my part or just a peak or valley in the ol' cycle. I'm not losing any weight from it, and I'm not feeling ill because of it, so I guess it's not a major concern... but it's not deliberate and I do still eat, so don't worry about me. No anorexia here; I like food too much.

I think later in the month, when I have the university day, I'm going to run away for the weekend and not tell anyone where I've gone. If I work Thursday instead of Friday, I'm sure my boss won't have a big problem with me going, and that'll give me a full two, two and a half days to run away. Officially, I can't really afford the time off (I got my paycheque from when I was on vacation -- losing about 62 hours makes a difference), but that's not for awhile yet. It's only a day or two that I'd be losing, pay-wise, so maybe the whole thing would balance out. I wonder if I'd take someone with me, someone from here.

I've started thinking already about the work Christmas party, and that's just nuts. I don't know why I am; it's way too far away. In the meantime, I have birthdays and things to attend to, and hell, even Hallowe'en (note the correct spelling, thank you very much. :) I want to set goals for myself, but I don't know how realistic they would be -- things like, have a date for the Christmas party, preferably someone I'm dating over a friend. However, if a friend is in town and wants to accompany me, then by all means.

I want someone to show up at my work to pick me up one night, and present me with flowers. Or even send flowers to me at work. I want romance and companionship and TLC and hugs and cuddles and kisses and someone who thinks about me when they're not with me, and misses me when we're apart. I want someone who'll look after me when I'm sick and let me look after them when they're sick.

I want what a lot of my friends have already found, and I want to lose this damn ... depression, for lack of a better word ... that I've been in for the last month.

I want back what I had.

I think about it -- what if things did go back? But I don't know that it could be what it was. I worry that I'd be guarded and uncertain, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

*sigh* Who'm I kidding? I'd take it back, warts and all. That's part of any relationship, or at least the ones I've had -- maybe that says something about my relationships, I don't know.

Argh, argh, argh, argh, argh.

I'm going through the angry/bargaining phase lately. What are the stages of grief? Denial, grief, anger, bargaining, acceptance? I think that's the order in which they go. Well, two stages fully completed (although the first never really happened -- hah, denial!) within a month... three more to go in maybe about that same amount of time?

But do we ever really get over the people we love? I mean, I still have some feelings for the ex-, although a lot of the time it seems to be impatience. :P

I realized today that my company and me and everything that I bring to a relationship is not preferable to a television and working out. That's really kinda depressing.

Anyhow, the positives of the day are the email and the kind words that I mentioned earlier in the day. I just wasn't feeling productive at all today, which is why I haven't replied just yet.

Also, my ear seems to have just needed that little bit of care and attention -- the yuck doesn't seem to have come back and it doesn't hurt, so I think it'll heal up okay.

Bit off a few of my nails (two), so that's not a good sign (but they're all weak and flaky from the dremmeling they got when I had the acrylics done, so I blame that), and got kinda depressed/discouraged when I was doing the news demo today -- those are bunch sucks for the day. Class, however, was interesting, and I got to chat with someone that subs in once in awhile at work and recognized me (and it's not the first time he's done so), so that was cool. I was also told today by someone that I was "definitely going to be a journalist," which is funny, 'cause I don't know if I see myself going that way, but who knows?

As well, Jay told me that I was funny and should write an advice column or something. I find that amusing; usually it's people that have their shit together or at least pretend to that you'd want giving advice, not mopey ol' me. :)

And finally, I get to revel in the glory that is a freshly shorn body. I forgot how nice new razors can feel.

On that note, I'm off to bed. Maybe tomorrow will be a more productive day.