I think I feel more flirtatious as a blonde. Interesting.
My brain has also been coloured by the books I’ve been reading lately (Pink Think, Where the Girls Are, various media texts that critique the stereotypes etc., that exist in advertising and other paraphernalia), and the schoolwork I did this semester – I’m starting to read things into advertising that probably isn’t meant to be there. As Stuart Hall would term it, I’m performing a negotiated reading of the copy.
Argh, school nerd.
Anyhow, there’s an ad for the Cinnabon place in the mall I walk through on my way to work; it features a woman opening the door to a guest that’s handing over a box of Cinnabons as a greeting. In the background, there is a man and a young woman standing, laughing and chatting. The copy reads something about how “sharing is the point of the season” or something along those lines… my brain reads that and subverts it into something about how wifey is sharing hubby with the young lady in the background. Somehow I don’t picture cinnamon buns as being the snack of choice for a swinging party, but hey, you do need to get your blood sugar back up somehow. And I like cinnamon buns as much as the next person.
I’m getting really annoyed with telemarketers lately. I keep leaving the house late, so I wind up fielding the calls. One, they won’t listen when I tell them my folks aren’t interested in whatever they’re selling. I’m 22 years old; I think by now I know what my folks will or won’t go for, and it’s not gonna be a subscription to the Sun or donating to the police services fund (especially when you’re so damn insistent to talk to my dad that you’d rather call back at another time then tell me what it’s in regards to). Two, stop frigging calling so many times! If I turned down a subscription to the Sun last month, chances are I’m not gonna want one this month (okay, I exaggerate, but this is my site, so I can damn well say what I want). Three… argh. I’m actually really pissed off at the pushiness of some of these people, like the MBNA lady from yesterday. When I look back at it, I keep getting mad at myself for not having been more insistent that I didn’t need a credit card “just for emergencies.” I have one “just for emergencies.” Just ‘cause it gets used for other things doesn’t mean that it’s not there “just for emergencies.” Besides, the more credit cards I have, the higher in debt I can get myself and the worse off I am if my wallet gets stolen.
I’m really pissed at myself for having gone through the whole damn process. But I am glad that I didn’t give her my SIN number. I’m not that fucking retarded. I got back at her indirectly today when I ran roughshod over the Sun lady. “I’m so-and-so calling from the Sun.” “Thanks, but we get the Citizen and we’re not interesting in a subscription to the Sun.” “Oh, we don’t want you to give up your subscription to the Citizen [*cough* bullshit *cough*] … we just have a special promotion.” [interrupting] “Sorry, still not interested.” “Okay, thanks.”
I’m not rude to them, ‘cause it’s not in my habit, but I’m gonna start being that way. Like the one that called this morning at 10 in the morning looking for my mom. Argh! Cripes, if you can’t pronounce our last name, I can pretty much guarantee that we’re not interested in what you’re selling. It’s how we weed you out, you see.
The one that got me was the guy calling from the bank at regular intervals looking for my sister to make a “courtesy call.” Guess what, asswipe?! She’s going to school several provinces away! She’s not here! Y’know what? That’s why we got the damn loan for her! Argh!
I realize, they’re calling from call centres, they don’t know what they’re doing, but it still pisses me the fuck off. I haven’t done a ranty post in awhile, this is fun.
As well, the coworker is just a big ol’ damn bloody tool. He’s been back from vacation what, three days now, and today one of the nice guys here was complimenting my hair (I dyed it, you see ;), and he was saying that I was always dyeing my hair, and when would I be satisfied with my appearance? I said when I looked like him, and he stuck out his gut and rubbed it. Coworker started to say something, then stopped himself, laughing. Fine by me, like I want to hear what he has to say. It’s one thing to make snarky comments when you’re friends with someone, but it’s something else entirely when the waters are murky between you, as they are with him and I. What a tool.
In other rants… Santa has been in the local mall since November 16th. Is there a problem with this picture? Yes, yes there is. I heard Christmas music shortly thereafter, and the decorations were up before Hallowe’en. There is something wrong here. Store owners are all worried that consumers aren’t spending as much as they’d like? Here’s why – because we’re fucking sick of having Christmas pushed down our throats so fucking early! I’m sorry, but when I haven’t yet figured out what I’m going as for Hallowe’en, I’m not fucking thinking of what I’m buying my mom and dad for Christmas!
And holy hell the backlash over the removal of the term “Christmas” from everything! My mom was saying it’s because it’s people getting upset at the spirit that is Christmas being removed from the whole thing – Christmas is about people spending time with their families, etc., etc. I saw, forget the commercialization of the damn thing and take back the holiday. Reclaim it, make it what you want. If that means that you and your folks just have a nice dinner together, watch a video, no exchange of gifts, then by all means! It doesn’t have to be about presents (but yes, I’m as much of a consumer as the next person and I like gifts, too).
So, this rant seems to have gotten awfully long and lost a lot of its heat. Time to post it. Other than that… not much is new and exciting. Although apparently Shadow woke Dad up at some point ‘cause she was playing with one of her mouse toys in the bathtub and therefore bouncing off all the walls and thudding around. Hehehe. Y’know, I should’ve taken it as a Sign when tool played with Shadow and completely ignored Digger. Digger was snuggling with me this morning, it was nice; after the phone rang and woke us up, he moved from my feet (where he was sleeping) up to beside me for a pat, then went back to sleep when I did the same. What a cutie.
2002/12/11
I don't think my fish like the food I got. Storm keeps eating one and spitting it out, but he ate it earlier.
Mind, I think he buried one of the pellets in the rocks. Maybe he did the same to all of them.
I guess I have to get them the food they like tomorrow. Damn picky fish. :)
*yawn* I go to bed now. Tomorrow, I continue writing. Tomorrow, article for WB. I promise.
Mind, I think he buried one of the pellets in the rocks. Maybe he did the same to all of them.
I guess I have to get them the food they like tomorrow. Damn picky fish. :)
*yawn* I go to bed now. Tomorrow, I continue writing. Tomorrow, article for WB. I promise.
2002/12/10
Dmn pushy MBNA people. "Thank you for choosing..." -- but I didn't choose! Argh!
Asking for my SIN number -- I don't think so. :P
And a Platinum MasterCard; that's so not going to go through. MBNA annoys me. I think they've sent me an application or tried to sign me up for a credit card once a year since I hit university. *grrr* I'll take pleasure in cutting up anything they send.
The lady on the phone was funny, though -- she kept telling me of how she approved of my program choice and how I must be a good daughter to my parents... that based on my mom's name, she could see where mine came from (which isn't how I got the name Jen, but what the hell), and then she found it really funny that I'd lived at the same address for basically my whole life. I mean, I'm not about to go into details for her, but yeah, I was born in another city, lived there a year, then moved here. I live at home, it's not like it's unusual... hell, there are plenty of people older than me who still do. Argh.
Ah well. Stupid solicitors. This is why I think I might just keep my cell when I move out, and maybe not bother getting a real phone. Either that, or start flaming places like MBNA, especially since, as a student, they just wasted 10 minutes of my studying time in the middle of exams (plus the time I spent writing up this entry). :)
Asking for my SIN number -- I don't think so. :P
And a Platinum MasterCard; that's so not going to go through. MBNA annoys me. I think they've sent me an application or tried to sign me up for a credit card once a year since I hit university. *grrr* I'll take pleasure in cutting up anything they send.
The lady on the phone was funny, though -- she kept telling me of how she approved of my program choice and how I must be a good daughter to my parents... that based on my mom's name, she could see where mine came from (which isn't how I got the name Jen, but what the hell), and then she found it really funny that I'd lived at the same address for basically my whole life. I mean, I'm not about to go into details for her, but yeah, I was born in another city, lived there a year, then moved here. I live at home, it's not like it's unusual... hell, there are plenty of people older than me who still do. Argh.
Ah well. Stupid solicitors. This is why I think I might just keep my cell when I move out, and maybe not bother getting a real phone. Either that, or start flaming places like MBNA, especially since, as a student, they just wasted 10 minutes of my studying time in the middle of exams (plus the time I spent writing up this entry). :)
"He looks like he brushed his hair with a pork chop."
"I'd totally bone him! He looks like he'd be wild in the sack."
"You have really sensitive nipples, don't you?" (said after I finish coming down from an arousal high from having my nipples played with)
"I was going to offer you a pillow."
"I was talking to Jen last night, and all that, and yeah, so... you and her?"
"I'm going to have to totally fuck you because apparently you have it, whatever it is."
"Wow, you can tell they didn't use this 'cause it looks really bad." (said about the CGI extras on the MIB II DVD that hadn't yet gone through post-production)
"I like seeing you like that."
"Like what?"
"Writhing."
"I can't think of anyone I'd rather it was with than you."
... Just a few funny/nice things people have said. Some of them made me laugh out loud. Some of them made me feel all gushy inside. They're all couched, however, to protect the innocent. I mean, the guilty. I mean, my friends. :)
"I'd totally bone him! He looks like he'd be wild in the sack."
"You have really sensitive nipples, don't you?" (said after I finish coming down from an arousal high from having my nipples played with)
"I was going to offer you a pillow."
"I was talking to Jen last night, and all that, and yeah, so... you and her?"
"I'm going to have to totally fuck you because apparently you have it, whatever it is."
"Wow, you can tell they didn't use this 'cause it looks really bad." (said about the CGI extras on the MIB II DVD that hadn't yet gone through post-production)
"I like seeing you like that."
"Like what?"
"Writhing."
"I can't think of anyone I'd rather it was with than you."
... Just a few funny/nice things people have said. Some of them made me laugh out loud. Some of them made me feel all gushy inside. They're all couched, however, to protect the innocent. I mean, the guilty. I mean, my friends. :)
Naughty or Nice?
(me): Still very much on nice list, but must continue good behavior. Should eat more vegetables instead of junk food. Was very polite last Thursday! When doing chores, needs to do them as well as possible. Often exhibits good behavior.
(me): Still very much on nice list, but must continue good behavior. Should eat more vegetables instead of junk food. Was very polite last Thursday! When doing chores, needs to do them as well as possible. Often exhibits good behavior.
Dad and I were talking about the cats last night. Apparently he's not a big fan of Shadow -- he calls her the cat equivalent of a yappy little dog. It's true, she does like to hear her own voice and will just yap, yap, yap... but I like it. My first cat was a tabby-Siamese cross (Sookie -- you could see the Siamese in the bone structure in her face, her jumping ability, and her voice), and I like a talkative cat.
He said that Digger meows when he wants something, not just for the hell of it. Well, I disagree with the second part; Digger can be just as vocal about nothing sometimes. Or, he's really vocal about wanting something he can't have -- like outside when it's -20 out or 3 in the morning, or food when it's not time for food (we're trying to get him and Shadow to lose weight).
Dad didn't remember that Chloe perched on everyone's shoulders -- he only remembered her doing it to UBFM, and the thing with Chloe was she liked to be on the tallest person. It meant that she'd go up on Mom's shoulders, then mine, then Dad's if he was standing nearby. The trick to remember was not to stand right next to the person she was perched on if you were taller. If you stood a little ways away, she wouldn't try to walk to you.
It's the second time Dad and I have wound up reminiscing about Chloe lately; I'm not sure why it is. It's been over a year since she disappeared. He and I both agreed that she mellowed considerably as she got older, and that's one reason why it was hard to lose her. She finally let me brush her a few times, and she wasn't as high-strung as she'd been as a kitten. I have a whole bunch of theories as to why she was high-strung and why she didn't like to be held, but that's for another time.
I really miss her. Part of me wishes that she'd died somehow, rather than have been taken in by another family. If she had been taken in by another family, that meant that I didn't look hard enough to find her. I feel guilty for having that thought, and I feel guilty for not having looked hard enough.
On a totally unrelated, more upbeat note, I like learning new things about my body. And Shadow's a doofus. She got up on the kitchen table or something and managed to get her head and one paw through the handle of a plastic grocery bag, so it was wrapped around her torso (Chloe used to have the same thing happen once in awhile with her collar). She was fine, she was just running around like a doofus.
Anyhow, off to the grind now. Yay for exams. :P
He said that Digger meows when he wants something, not just for the hell of it. Well, I disagree with the second part; Digger can be just as vocal about nothing sometimes. Or, he's really vocal about wanting something he can't have -- like outside when it's -20 out or 3 in the morning, or food when it's not time for food (we're trying to get him and Shadow to lose weight).
Dad didn't remember that Chloe perched on everyone's shoulders -- he only remembered her doing it to UBFM, and the thing with Chloe was she liked to be on the tallest person. It meant that she'd go up on Mom's shoulders, then mine, then Dad's if he was standing nearby. The trick to remember was not to stand right next to the person she was perched on if you were taller. If you stood a little ways away, she wouldn't try to walk to you.
It's the second time Dad and I have wound up reminiscing about Chloe lately; I'm not sure why it is. It's been over a year since she disappeared. He and I both agreed that she mellowed considerably as she got older, and that's one reason why it was hard to lose her. She finally let me brush her a few times, and she wasn't as high-strung as she'd been as a kitten. I have a whole bunch of theories as to why she was high-strung and why she didn't like to be held, but that's for another time.
I really miss her. Part of me wishes that she'd died somehow, rather than have been taken in by another family. If she had been taken in by another family, that meant that I didn't look hard enough to find her. I feel guilty for having that thought, and I feel guilty for not having looked hard enough.
On a totally unrelated, more upbeat note, I like learning new things about my body. And Shadow's a doofus. She got up on the kitchen table or something and managed to get her head and one paw through the handle of a plastic grocery bag, so it was wrapped around her torso (Chloe used to have the same thing happen once in awhile with her collar). She was fine, she was just running around like a doofus.
Anyhow, off to the grind now. Yay for exams. :P
2002/12/09
Hooray with the crazy hair dyeing!
However, the head is itchy. This is the part I always forget and always hate -- the itchy head, the cold wetness of the hair dye on my head, the crazy itchy scalp!
And the getting the hairdye everywhere... counter, clothes, face, eyebrow this time -- that's a new one. Maybe it'll fall out, maybe it'll get somewhat dyed, we'll see.
I waited until after the Christmas dinner to dye my hair; I didn't want to take the chance (Ack! Itch!!) that I'd clash with my dress, as much of a loser as that makes me sound. :)
I'll add a picture of my dress to the pictures page... I got Dad to take some shots of me before I left, so I'll scan and post in two years when I get that developed.
In the meantime, I'm going to go kill the gremlin that keeps posting on my computer. :P
However, the head is itchy. This is the part I always forget and always hate -- the itchy head, the cold wetness of the hair dye on my head, the crazy itchy scalp!
And the getting the hairdye everywhere... counter, clothes, face, eyebrow this time -- that's a new one. Maybe it'll fall out, maybe it'll get somewhat dyed, we'll see.
I waited until after the Christmas dinner to dye my hair; I didn't want to take the chance (Ack! Itch!!) that I'd clash with my dress, as much of a loser as that makes me sound. :)
I'll add a picture of my dress to the pictures page... I got Dad to take some shots of me before I left, so I'll scan and post in two years when I get that developed.
In the meantime, I'm going to go kill the gremlin that keeps posting on my computer. :P
Correction:
"I knew this guy once... he was into semantics..."
(*laughter*, then realization on my part): "Waitaminute, that's semiotics, you moron!"
And "My new shoes are from caterpillar... I can push girls around! *brbrrbrpbprbprbpprb*"
*grin* It was a good call. I laugh, remembering. :)
As for Big A... advice? I gots none. Remember my situation, and cry. Don't bother asking me for advice -- I don't get hit on, remember?
Oh wait, that guy on the bus. Hrm. Story for later. :)
"I knew this guy once... he was into semantics..."
(*laughter*, then realization on my part): "Waitaminute, that's semiotics, you moron!"
And "My new shoes are from caterpillar... I can push girls around! *brbrrbrpbprbprbpprb*"
*grin* It was a good call. I laugh, remembering. :)
As for Big A... advice? I gots none. Remember my situation, and cry. Don't bother asking me for advice -- I don't get hit on, remember?
Oh wait, that guy on the bus. Hrm. Story for later. :)
Feeling down. Low down. Urgh. My moods suck, the weather sucks, etc., etc., etc.
Sorry for so little content lately. It's just been awhile since I've thought of anything especially interesting to say, and some of the things I do have to say, I can't put up here. I should just forget about all my readers (or at least who they are) and go nuts and just spill all.
So here goes...
Jay was giving me funky advice that I didn't take, 'cause I'm a total loser and a chickenshit and I've used up all my karma and I halfway don't know what I want.
Did some training yesterday again at work. I'm not sure if I like the trainee that I had or not; he picks on me when he's not behind the board, and I barely know him at all, and then when he gets behind the board and I give him directions, he stares blankly at me. No acknowledgement that I even spoke whatsoever. Argh! I mentioned it to Charmaine last week and then again this week; we put it down to a lack of eating last week, so he and I split on food, but it was the same thing this week, and she said she noticed it again. I don't know, I'm probably being overly critical 'cause I'm stressed out, but... argh. I hate training.
Went over to J's last night to give him the DVD I'd bought him off eBay for his birthday. Well, we're long past his birthday, and it's not quite Christmas, so it's an in-between gift. Wound up watching one of the episodes (it was the first two episodes of FarScape), then chatted for a bit afterwards. Kinda weird to think that the two of us have crawled all over one another but can't think of things to say to fill five minutes of conversation.
Anyhow, went home, chatted with Jay on the phone for awhile, then went to bed. It was freezing in my room last night, Mom found out this morning that the windows in my room were open on both sides of the casing. That's ass. :P
Now I'm just farting around, need to get ready for work. I don't want to leave the house, but I'm going to be taking tomorrow and maybe Thursday off because of exams, so I have to. *grrr*
I hate being cold. :(
Oh yeah, the ex- told me a few days ago that he's going to be bringing his current to my neighbourhood for the holidays. Not sure what I think about it, but I think I'm even feeling less territorial about it then before.
Okay, so all of this is really nothing more or less than I was going to post anyhow. Guess I haven't laid anything out. Sorry. :)
Sorry for so little content lately. It's just been awhile since I've thought of anything especially interesting to say, and some of the things I do have to say, I can't put up here. I should just forget about all my readers (or at least who they are) and go nuts and just spill all.
So here goes...
Jay was giving me funky advice that I didn't take, 'cause I'm a total loser and a chickenshit and I've used up all my karma and I halfway don't know what I want.
Did some training yesterday again at work. I'm not sure if I like the trainee that I had or not; he picks on me when he's not behind the board, and I barely know him at all, and then when he gets behind the board and I give him directions, he stares blankly at me. No acknowledgement that I even spoke whatsoever. Argh! I mentioned it to Charmaine last week and then again this week; we put it down to a lack of eating last week, so he and I split on food, but it was the same thing this week, and she said she noticed it again. I don't know, I'm probably being overly critical 'cause I'm stressed out, but... argh. I hate training.
Went over to J's last night to give him the DVD I'd bought him off eBay for his birthday. Well, we're long past his birthday, and it's not quite Christmas, so it's an in-between gift. Wound up watching one of the episodes (it was the first two episodes of FarScape), then chatted for a bit afterwards. Kinda weird to think that the two of us have crawled all over one another but can't think of things to say to fill five minutes of conversation.
Anyhow, went home, chatted with Jay on the phone for awhile, then went to bed. It was freezing in my room last night, Mom found out this morning that the windows in my room were open on both sides of the casing. That's ass. :P
Now I'm just farting around, need to get ready for work. I don't want to leave the house, but I'm going to be taking tomorrow and maybe Thursday off because of exams, so I have to. *grrr*
I hate being cold. :(
Oh yeah, the ex- told me a few days ago that he's going to be bringing his current to my neighbourhood for the holidays. Not sure what I think about it, but I think I'm even feeling less territorial about it then before.
Okay, so all of this is really nothing more or less than I was going to post anyhow. Guess I haven't laid anything out. Sorry. :)
2002/12/08
All right-y then. A few things I will endeavour to stop doing:
* Staying up until 4 or 5 in the morning on a regular basis.
* Biting my fingers and nails.
* Eating junk food.
* Procrastinating.
* Over-analyzing.
Okay, so I'm sorta laughing at how that's all going to be totally impossible. Except maybe the first one.
Why is it that one little off-the-cuff comment can have your brain so stuck on something for so long? I almost wish I knew what the answer would be before I said anything. Someone else find out for me, wouldja? I know Charmaine told me to just forget about it, the loss is not mine, etc... but argh with my brainage.
Yesterday was a brief Christmas shopping/birthday shopping expedition with Ben. We went and got his cell phone set up and harrassed Mark at work, I bought some food for the fishies (Storm, btw, appears to have decided that Dr. Seuss is allowed to live next to him for awhile longer), and then we went to Microplay and Future Shop. I bought a popsicle at Microplay, and when we were in Future Shop I saw someone I knew from high school dressed as a walking advertisement for X-Box. I think I felt sad for him.
Mark called me on my cell while we were there, so I wandered off and chatted with him while perusing the store. I felt bad since he'd called me that morning and I totally ignored the call because I was still somewhat asleep. My meanderings through the store kept bringing me in other people's way (lots of cute guys working that day), so I wound up hiding in the laptop aisle where I played Spider Solitaire while talking on my phone. It was almost as if I were back at home. :)
We went over to Toys 'R Us, where we ran into Angus, which was funny because when I called his name, he was all like, "Yeah?" as if he was expecting to hear his name called or something. :) Ben got Mark's birthday gift (it's a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll, don't tell), and then we were off to downtown, 'cause it was after 5 at that point.
Got some Pita Pit for dinner, then I settled in for a *dull* shift. My boss called me at one point and said that my mixes were good that night, after which I promptly let one CD run out to dead air 'cause I was outside filling up my water bottle, and then had a few other loose mixes. Okay, so it wasn't deliberate, but I was tired and stupid. That's my excuse!
Drove over to the Casa Markus Aurillius und Benito Mussolini, tried to write a bit for my delayed article (which will just become another cancelled article, I fear), and then watched Clueless with Mark. After the movie ended, we formed a nest on the floor with various pillows, a beanbag, and a blanket (it wasn't the best nest), and watched cartoons and went to sleep. I was feeling the need for some quiet and some just being, so it served my needs well. Working alone in a small room all night with no one to talk to online and some alternating depressing/happy music can really skew your mood.
That's why I call random people and harrass them at their places of work. :)
I have all these notes around for various column ideas or topics that come to me so I can remember them for later. Right now there are a bunch of post-its in a stack in front of my computer saying things like, "group of lovers," and "hard ons" and "talking after sex." Or there are potential titles like, "Blinded by the Lust... Light" or "Restraining Myself." These are on the same post-its for things to remember to do, like "Gonq writings" or "paper (research)" and "printouts." I have a great memory at times, it's just very easily distracted. As I said to Jay in relation to something else, my brain gets stuck on something for awhile, and I'm all fixated, and then it's like, "Ooh! Shiny object!" and I move on. There's a reason I've been described as a cat before. :)
I think my libido is bi-polar. Just what, two, three weeks ago? I was ready to fuck anything that twitched, just about. Now, I'm like, "Hmmm, Dean Cain is offering himself to me? I'll get back to him." Stupid libido.
I had other things I thought I was going to write, but now they've escaped my brain. Well, there were those two guys who did the updated "When Harry Met Sally" for me on the bus and the other guy who smiled at me, but I'll write about that later. For now, it's time for a shower.
* Staying up until 4 or 5 in the morning on a regular basis.
* Biting my fingers and nails.
* Eating junk food.
* Procrastinating.
* Over-analyzing.
Okay, so I'm sorta laughing at how that's all going to be totally impossible. Except maybe the first one.
Why is it that one little off-the-cuff comment can have your brain so stuck on something for so long? I almost wish I knew what the answer would be before I said anything. Someone else find out for me, wouldja? I know Charmaine told me to just forget about it, the loss is not mine, etc... but argh with my brainage.
Yesterday was a brief Christmas shopping/birthday shopping expedition with Ben. We went and got his cell phone set up and harrassed Mark at work, I bought some food for the fishies (Storm, btw, appears to have decided that Dr. Seuss is allowed to live next to him for awhile longer), and then we went to Microplay and Future Shop. I bought a popsicle at Microplay, and when we were in Future Shop I saw someone I knew from high school dressed as a walking advertisement for X-Box. I think I felt sad for him.
Mark called me on my cell while we were there, so I wandered off and chatted with him while perusing the store. I felt bad since he'd called me that morning and I totally ignored the call because I was still somewhat asleep. My meanderings through the store kept bringing me in other people's way (lots of cute guys working that day), so I wound up hiding in the laptop aisle where I played Spider Solitaire while talking on my phone. It was almost as if I were back at home. :)
We went over to Toys 'R Us, where we ran into Angus, which was funny because when I called his name, he was all like, "Yeah?" as if he was expecting to hear his name called or something. :) Ben got Mark's birthday gift (it's a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll, don't tell), and then we were off to downtown, 'cause it was after 5 at that point.
Got some Pita Pit for dinner, then I settled in for a *dull* shift. My boss called me at one point and said that my mixes were good that night, after which I promptly let one CD run out to dead air 'cause I was outside filling up my water bottle, and then had a few other loose mixes. Okay, so it wasn't deliberate, but I was tired and stupid. That's my excuse!
Drove over to the Casa Markus Aurillius und Benito Mussolini, tried to write a bit for my delayed article (which will just become another cancelled article, I fear), and then watched Clueless with Mark. After the movie ended, we formed a nest on the floor with various pillows, a beanbag, and a blanket (it wasn't the best nest), and watched cartoons and went to sleep. I was feeling the need for some quiet and some just being, so it served my needs well. Working alone in a small room all night with no one to talk to online and some alternating depressing/happy music can really skew your mood.
That's why I call random people and harrass them at their places of work. :)
I have all these notes around for various column ideas or topics that come to me so I can remember them for later. Right now there are a bunch of post-its in a stack in front of my computer saying things like, "group of lovers," and "hard ons" and "talking after sex." Or there are potential titles like, "Blinded by the Lust... Light" or "Restraining Myself." These are on the same post-its for things to remember to do, like "Gonq writings" or "paper (research)" and "printouts." I have a great memory at times, it's just very easily distracted. As I said to Jay in relation to something else, my brain gets stuck on something for awhile, and I'm all fixated, and then it's like, "Ooh! Shiny object!" and I move on. There's a reason I've been described as a cat before. :)
I think my libido is bi-polar. Just what, two, three weeks ago? I was ready to fuck anything that twitched, just about. Now, I'm like, "Hmmm, Dean Cain is offering himself to me? I'll get back to him." Stupid libido.
I had other things I thought I was going to write, but now they've escaped my brain. Well, there were those two guys who did the updated "When Harry Met Sally" for me on the bus and the other guy who smiled at me, but I'll write about that later. For now, it's time for a shower.
Me so sleepy... write more tomorrow from work. Forgot to add things, can't remember what they are at the moment, going to bed first anyhow. Getting to hang out and just be comfy with someone when you're feeling down is nice. Especially when they make you feel better without knowing you're feeling bleh in the first place.
2002/12/07
Hi everyone,
Sorry about the lack of postage this past week. Rogers has been slow as molasses, so I haven't felt especially inclined to write. As well, I haven't really had anything to write, which is funny, 'cause some days I'll post four times about nothing and come up with screens of text.
We had the group dinner last night, and I brought Ben along as my date. I went out ahead of time and got my hair cut and styled, and borrowed one of my sister's dresses, and I think the overall effect was rather nice. We went to see Markolopolous at work and show off our finery, then off to dinner -- about an hour late. What can I say? It takes time to get beautiful. At least, that's what I told my dad. :)
What else has been going on this week? Nada, really. Got the paper handed in, hung out with Ben and Mark and watched flicks... the other night, Mark and I prepared my chicken and pasta in tomato sauce meal for Ben and then another friend helped himself to some. Got rave reviews from everyone who smelled or tasted it, which was awesome. It was great fun making it, too -- we had Cake playing in the background, and everytime one of us started to sing to the lyrics, it was at the exact same time as the other did. Freaky, but cool. :)
Mark showed up at my work that day (that was Thursday) and we went and grabbed some coffee (well, apple cider in my case), and wandered a bit. It was pretty cool having one of my friends just turn up at work to say hi; that doesn't usually happen.
Still have all those writings for the Gonq to do by the 11th. At least now I'm remebering them. :P Urgh, busy next few days; got an exam on the 10th and one on the 13th, then two papers to write by the 13th and 16th... and then this stuff. I guess it's not necessarily a bad thing that New York has been cancelled.
And yes, I am still owing an article on Whore's Boudoir. Essh. Been bad on that lately, but it's a crazy time for me. I think I have a topic for yesterday's article, just have to compose out of my crazy little head.
For now, it's time to get my butt moving on the day. It's time for birthday gift shopping and likely some Christmas shopping as well. I totally have no ideas for anyone right now, so this'll be interesting. :P
Oh yes, and to all of you lovely folk who read this page, thank you once again. My stats from two weeks ago were 211 hits; last week were 315. I don't know who or where you are, but I appreciate every single one of you. :)
Sorry about the lack of postage this past week. Rogers has been slow as molasses, so I haven't felt especially inclined to write. As well, I haven't really had anything to write, which is funny, 'cause some days I'll post four times about nothing and come up with screens of text.
We had the group dinner last night, and I brought Ben along as my date. I went out ahead of time and got my hair cut and styled, and borrowed one of my sister's dresses, and I think the overall effect was rather nice. We went to see Markolopolous at work and show off our finery, then off to dinner -- about an hour late. What can I say? It takes time to get beautiful. At least, that's what I told my dad. :)
What else has been going on this week? Nada, really. Got the paper handed in, hung out with Ben and Mark and watched flicks... the other night, Mark and I prepared my chicken and pasta in tomato sauce meal for Ben and then another friend helped himself to some. Got rave reviews from everyone who smelled or tasted it, which was awesome. It was great fun making it, too -- we had Cake playing in the background, and everytime one of us started to sing to the lyrics, it was at the exact same time as the other did. Freaky, but cool. :)
Mark showed up at my work that day (that was Thursday) and we went and grabbed some coffee (well, apple cider in my case), and wandered a bit. It was pretty cool having one of my friends just turn up at work to say hi; that doesn't usually happen.
Still have all those writings for the Gonq to do by the 11th. At least now I'm remebering them. :P Urgh, busy next few days; got an exam on the 10th and one on the 13th, then two papers to write by the 13th and 16th... and then this stuff. I guess it's not necessarily a bad thing that New York has been cancelled.
And yes, I am still owing an article on Whore's Boudoir. Essh. Been bad on that lately, but it's a crazy time for me. I think I have a topic for yesterday's article, just have to compose out of my crazy little head.
For now, it's time to get my butt moving on the day. It's time for birthday gift shopping and likely some Christmas shopping as well. I totally have no ideas for anyone right now, so this'll be interesting. :P
Oh yes, and to all of you lovely folk who read this page, thank you once again. My stats from two weeks ago were 211 hits; last week were 315. I don't know who or where you are, but I appreciate every single one of you. :)
2002/12/05
New chapter up on My Novel. I'm tired, so it's not writing itself the way I'd hoped. I'm part-way through the next chapter, so that should appear soon.
2002/12/04
2002/12/03
2002/12/02
Tonight went well; ended up getting the written portion of the paper done, so my partner said I didn't have to come over. I was on my way downtown anyhow, so I wound up just going to work and chatting with Mark and Mark from there, until I went and got together with some of the gang. Some goofing around, some comments about me writing porn starring various men from the gang together, stuff like that. :)
I've been stupid since about... oh, 4 this afternoon. :P Getting about 20 hours of sleep across four days will do that to you, really. Urgh. The last two nights in particular have been pretty awful, so I'm going to bed early and sleeping as long as I can. I'll dye the hair tomorrow morning. ;)
Otherwise, tomorrow entails a trip to the porn store, work, and polishing the format on the paper. Nice, easy night.
And I'll continue to watch Storm try to kill Dr. Seuss. What a knob this fish is. :P :)
I've been stupid since about... oh, 4 this afternoon. :P Getting about 20 hours of sleep across four days will do that to you, really. Urgh. The last two nights in particular have been pretty awful, so I'm going to bed early and sleeping as long as I can. I'll dye the hair tomorrow morning. ;)
Otherwise, tomorrow entails a trip to the porn store, work, and polishing the format on the paper. Nice, easy night.
And I'll continue to watch Storm try to kill Dr. Seuss. What a knob this fish is. :P :)
Okay, so it's awful, but it made me laugh:
If Dear Abby was a Man...
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing - your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved, too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you loose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking Him a nice meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
If Dear Abby was a Man...
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing - your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved, too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you loose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking Him a nice meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
Spent last night chatting with Charmaine, which is always great. She and I can have really thoughtful conversations, or really funny ones. I was tired and feeling stupid (even worse today), so I and then she and I were mocking a bunch of our coworkers for awhile, right in front of my trainee, who probably thinks I'm a total bitch. We weren't coming up with anything new -- aside from the "this one hit on me" "oh yeah? this other one hit on me" kinds of tales -- but it was still funny. Fuck it was funny. :)
We also spent about an hour talking about the various guys at the station we could bone. One of my show hosts came out during that time, I kinda censored myself, Char didn't, he laughed and said we were just as awful as guys. Makes work an awful lot more fun when you have friends there. I like working weekends for people like Charmaine and Vicki, when I get to see them.
L appears to have rescinded his offer, but there's a possible one from K downstairs. It's in that questionable joking phase -- where I'm questioning myself, "Is he joking, or is he serious?" My coworker J says if I offered, he'd take me up on it, but I get a vague player vibe off this guy. I feel as if, if any girl offered, he'd accept. I'm comfortable right now with just a fuck friends relationship in some circumstances, but if I have one, I want it to be because the guy is thinking, "Yeah, I like Jen, she's cool and I want to sleep with her, I just don't want her as a gf," rather than, "Yeah, I'll fuck Jen 'cause she offered." I want to be special without being seriously special, or something like that. :)
I watched 13 Conversations About One Thing last night with Mark, after getting to help him and Mandy close down the store. I've helped a number of my friends at their jobs, it's weird. I'm trained to be so many different kinds of monkey. :) I hadn't planned to stay there the whole time, thought I'd chill at Ben's place with him for a bit, but he didn't call until later anyhow, so I didn't really have anywhere to go. Gave Mandy a lift home, then got to say night to Ben. Checked out my sites, emailed someone who'd posted a comment on Whore's Boudoir, then waited. And waited. Finally, after 2, put on the flick. It was interesting, kept tying back to other characters, which was likely the point. It starts more or less at the end then goes back and forwards. Not very easy to watch when you're really tired and such.
Sorry, this post isn't making much sense either, since I'm still tired. Mom woke me up at 12 to give me my bonds. I remembered just now that I had a dream last night, and I was thinking of it when I was in the shower, but now I can't remember what it was. It was weird, though.
Ah well, off to try on my sister's dress for Friday's dinner. If it doesn't fit or I don't like the way it looks, I might just go with my grad dress. I can't really justify buying a new one, although R did mention a store downtown that carries nice stuff. I might check it out later in the week.
I've heard a few people say that so-and-so's blog is awesome, and it makes me wonder, "What's wrong with mine?" Not that they've said anything is, but I don't hear people say it. Maybe they're saying it to other people who link to my blog. Maybe I'm just all super paranoid and should realize that what I write here is rarely (okay, never) genius, and that plenty of people as it is get some sort of pleasure out of reading it, so I should just relax. :P :)
We also spent about an hour talking about the various guys at the station we could bone. One of my show hosts came out during that time, I kinda censored myself, Char didn't, he laughed and said we were just as awful as guys. Makes work an awful lot more fun when you have friends there. I like working weekends for people like Charmaine and Vicki, when I get to see them.
L appears to have rescinded his offer, but there's a possible one from K downstairs. It's in that questionable joking phase -- where I'm questioning myself, "Is he joking, or is he serious?" My coworker J says if I offered, he'd take me up on it, but I get a vague player vibe off this guy. I feel as if, if any girl offered, he'd accept. I'm comfortable right now with just a fuck friends relationship in some circumstances, but if I have one, I want it to be because the guy is thinking, "Yeah, I like Jen, she's cool and I want to sleep with her, I just don't want her as a gf," rather than, "Yeah, I'll fuck Jen 'cause she offered." I want to be special without being seriously special, or something like that. :)
I watched 13 Conversations About One Thing last night with Mark, after getting to help him and Mandy close down the store. I've helped a number of my friends at their jobs, it's weird. I'm trained to be so many different kinds of monkey. :) I hadn't planned to stay there the whole time, thought I'd chill at Ben's place with him for a bit, but he didn't call until later anyhow, so I didn't really have anywhere to go. Gave Mandy a lift home, then got to say night to Ben. Checked out my sites, emailed someone who'd posted a comment on Whore's Boudoir, then waited. And waited. Finally, after 2, put on the flick. It was interesting, kept tying back to other characters, which was likely the point. It starts more or less at the end then goes back and forwards. Not very easy to watch when you're really tired and such.
Sorry, this post isn't making much sense either, since I'm still tired. Mom woke me up at 12 to give me my bonds. I remembered just now that I had a dream last night, and I was thinking of it when I was in the shower, but now I can't remember what it was. It was weird, though.
Ah well, off to try on my sister's dress for Friday's dinner. If it doesn't fit or I don't like the way it looks, I might just go with my grad dress. I can't really justify buying a new one, although R did mention a store downtown that carries nice stuff. I might check it out later in the week.
I've heard a few people say that so-and-so's blog is awesome, and it makes me wonder, "What's wrong with mine?" Not that they've said anything is, but I don't hear people say it. Maybe they're saying it to other people who link to my blog. Maybe I'm just all super paranoid and should realize that what I write here is rarely (okay, never) genius, and that plenty of people as it is get some sort of pleasure out of reading it, so I should just relax. :P :)
2002/12/01
Forgotten thoughts: If you're not sleeping with them, men have a very short attention span.
Okay, generalization, just wanted to get it out.
Next: last night, two separate people gave me really nice compliments. Jay said I was a good role model, something that still makes me laugh. Two, Ben said he thought I was a positive influence, that I was doing some good. I'm glad to think it, glad to hear it, and really hope it's true, 'cause ... well, I want to help. :)
Okay, generalization, just wanted to get it out.
Next: last night, two separate people gave me really nice compliments. Jay said I was a good role model, something that still makes me laugh. Two, Ben said he thought I was a positive influence, that I was doing some good. I'm glad to think it, glad to hear it, and really hope it's true, 'cause ... well, I want to help. :)
People suck/people don't suck.
People don't suck in that I had a nice long conversation last night with the guy who emailed me about my columns and said that it really hit the spot for him. He's 21 and lives in Alberta and was flirting with me ever so-slightly. Cute. :) And I checked out his blog and he'd mentioned me on there. Sweetass. :)
People don't suck in that Char didn't realize that I read her blog, so all the nice things she's been saying on there have been because she wants to say them, not for any other reason.
People do suck in that this stupid woman from the Legion called me 9:27 a.m. on a Sunday morning to find out the address of my sister's school.
"Hi, is Kimberly there?"
"No, she's in Halifax." (I like saying that)
"Oh, well, this is blah blah blah and blah blah blah, do you have the address?"
"No."
"Oh well, are your parents around, do they have the address?"
(Here I am, desperately trying to get this woman with her vaguely abrasive voice to shut up so I can get back to sleep because it was frigging 4 a.m. before I got to sleep and my alarm is set to go off for 10).
...I forget quite what I said here, but it worked out to her asking "Are they unavailable?" to which I said "Yes, can they call you back?" because I didn't want to stumble downstairs to look for them and I barely wanted to have to get up to get a pen and paper to write down her number.
She asked what time would be better for her to call back, and I said after noon. That would have been the best time to call in the first place, you stupid evil woman. Argh. When I worked at the animal hospital, I didn't make phone calls before 10 a.m. on Saturday unless I absolutely had to. During the week was a bit different, because people are up for work and such, but... really. 9:27 on a Sunday morning? That's inhumane.
People don't suck in that I had a nice long conversation last night with the guy who emailed me about my columns and said that it really hit the spot for him. He's 21 and lives in Alberta and was flirting with me ever so-slightly. Cute. :) And I checked out his blog and he'd mentioned me on there. Sweetass. :)
People don't suck in that Char didn't realize that I read her blog, so all the nice things she's been saying on there have been because she wants to say them, not for any other reason.
People do suck in that this stupid woman from the Legion called me 9:27 a.m. on a Sunday morning to find out the address of my sister's school.
"Hi, is Kimberly there?"
"No, she's in Halifax." (I like saying that)
"Oh, well, this is blah blah blah and blah blah blah, do you have the address?"
"No."
"Oh well, are your parents around, do they have the address?"
(Here I am, desperately trying to get this woman with her vaguely abrasive voice to shut up so I can get back to sleep because it was frigging 4 a.m. before I got to sleep and my alarm is set to go off for 10).
...I forget quite what I said here, but it worked out to her asking "Are they unavailable?" to which I said "Yes, can they call you back?" because I didn't want to stumble downstairs to look for them and I barely wanted to have to get up to get a pen and paper to write down her number.
She asked what time would be better for her to call back, and I said after noon. That would have been the best time to call in the first place, you stupid evil woman. Argh. When I worked at the animal hospital, I didn't make phone calls before 10 a.m. on Saturday unless I absolutely had to. During the week was a bit different, because people are up for work and such, but... really. 9:27 on a Sunday morning? That's inhumane.
To open, my fish is mentally deficient.
He's had a life companion for the past *how* many months? And it was just this evening that he spotted him and has decided that Dr. Seuss must die. I don't know, maybe they had a fight while I was out, 'cause Dr. Seuss seems totally unconcerned with the fact that Storm wants to see him dead. Dr. Seuss is just staring at him, bored, while Storm alternates between completely flipping out at him, or turning his back and sulking... for about two seconds before he goes back to the fish equivalent of yelling swear words at him from behind a closed door.
Storm also tried to eat my finger this morning, so I think he's having a really off day.
I think perhaps cleaning the water was, in hind sight, a bad idea, 'cause now Storm's all freaked out and stupid. Dr. Seuss always gets stressed for a bit after I do anything; clean the water, move the tank, feed him... but that's why I adopted him. 'Cause he was sick and neurotic-looking.
I told Ben I want to have a whole bunch of them when I move out. :) Fish are fun, and I like having them next to my computer now; it's easier to feed them and they provide a great distraction from working at anything on the computer. :)
Maybe if I feed him, he'll stop being stupid. :)
And some writings from the other night and this evening, before I move on to updating My Novel.
Friday:
Is how I am wrong? When I said that how I was online was how I am in person, my prof kinda laughed and said something like, "yeah, we get that impression." Yet, I didn't think I'd given away that much in this class.
It's funny how one joke, one comment, one laugh can make you question yourself.
But wait. Before you roll your eyes, before you grouch, before you yell at me, wait. I accept that not everyone likes who I am, maybe there should be some secrets -- and I do have them, believe it or not -- but this is how I am, and I'm okay with it. I've had more people tell me they like who I am and how I am than not, so that's all well and good.
I have ideas for things I'd like to do with this site. If anyone would like to help me redesign it, please contact me. We can talk kitty litter.
End of Friday's notes.
Side note: feeding Storm has not changed his termperament, he ate and now feels that he has the energy to kill Dr. Seuss, who still doesn't particularly care. I think he's like Strong Sad or Marvin the Paranoid Android; he feels he deserves to die, or something equally sad.
And tonight's notes:
Sitting in a bar, looking at the people around, is a lot more interesting than I previously gave it credit for. I guess it helps when you're there with a group of relative strangers, the feeling of being disconnected really gives your eyes and mind a chance to wander.
There are entertaining little vignettes that the eye catches -- the group of girls standing around, one on her cell phone, bobbing their heads and singing to "Sweet Home Alabama."
The table of girls acting out "Video Killed the Radio Star," one singing the lead, the other two waving their hands and singing the "whoas."
The rare pocket of thirtysomething year olds, standing on, conspicuous... especially when contrasted with all of the pretty young things, girls and boys, men and women, showing off their bodies and finery.
I feel judged, weighed, measured, and found wanting. Today I have a spent a long day at work, and I was not anticipating being out. Today I am feeling disconnected from those here, including myself. The last time I was here, it was the day after my birthday and I was drunk. I was freer, happier, in a different place.
I think I want to be loved again. I look at the pretty couples, nice and happy around me, and I want to be part of that crowd. I want into the club, to feel the closeness, the sharing, the sense of belonging.
Here I am, the girl in the shapeless grey sweater, hair falling heavily around my face, writing. I am the one creative a vignette of my own. I get to stand out.
End of bar notes.
Off to write some on the novel. Feel free to check it out, lemme know what you think.
He's had a life companion for the past *how* many months? And it was just this evening that he spotted him and has decided that Dr. Seuss must die. I don't know, maybe they had a fight while I was out, 'cause Dr. Seuss seems totally unconcerned with the fact that Storm wants to see him dead. Dr. Seuss is just staring at him, bored, while Storm alternates between completely flipping out at him, or turning his back and sulking... for about two seconds before he goes back to the fish equivalent of yelling swear words at him from behind a closed door.
Storm also tried to eat my finger this morning, so I think he's having a really off day.
I think perhaps cleaning the water was, in hind sight, a bad idea, 'cause now Storm's all freaked out and stupid. Dr. Seuss always gets stressed for a bit after I do anything; clean the water, move the tank, feed him... but that's why I adopted him. 'Cause he was sick and neurotic-looking.
I told Ben I want to have a whole bunch of them when I move out. :) Fish are fun, and I like having them next to my computer now; it's easier to feed them and they provide a great distraction from working at anything on the computer. :)
Maybe if I feed him, he'll stop being stupid. :)
And some writings from the other night and this evening, before I move on to updating My Novel.
Friday:
Is how I am wrong? When I said that how I was online was how I am in person, my prof kinda laughed and said something like, "yeah, we get that impression." Yet, I didn't think I'd given away that much in this class.
It's funny how one joke, one comment, one laugh can make you question yourself.
But wait. Before you roll your eyes, before you grouch, before you yell at me, wait. I accept that not everyone likes who I am, maybe there should be some secrets -- and I do have them, believe it or not -- but this is how I am, and I'm okay with it. I've had more people tell me they like who I am and how I am than not, so that's all well and good.
I have ideas for things I'd like to do with this site. If anyone would like to help me redesign it, please contact me. We can talk kitty litter.
End of Friday's notes.
Side note: feeding Storm has not changed his termperament, he ate and now feels that he has the energy to kill Dr. Seuss, who still doesn't particularly care. I think he's like Strong Sad or Marvin the Paranoid Android; he feels he deserves to die, or something equally sad.
And tonight's notes:
Sitting in a bar, looking at the people around, is a lot more interesting than I previously gave it credit for. I guess it helps when you're there with a group of relative strangers, the feeling of being disconnected really gives your eyes and mind a chance to wander.
There are entertaining little vignettes that the eye catches -- the group of girls standing around, one on her cell phone, bobbing their heads and singing to "Sweet Home Alabama."
The table of girls acting out "Video Killed the Radio Star," one singing the lead, the other two waving their hands and singing the "whoas."
The rare pocket of thirtysomething year olds, standing on, conspicuous... especially when contrasted with all of the pretty young things, girls and boys, men and women, showing off their bodies and finery.
I feel judged, weighed, measured, and found wanting. Today I have a spent a long day at work, and I was not anticipating being out. Today I am feeling disconnected from those here, including myself. The last time I was here, it was the day after my birthday and I was drunk. I was freer, happier, in a different place.
I think I want to be loved again. I look at the pretty couples, nice and happy around me, and I want to be part of that crowd. I want into the club, to feel the closeness, the sharing, the sense of belonging.
Here I am, the girl in the shapeless grey sweater, hair falling heavily around my face, writing. I am the one creative a vignette of my own. I get to stand out.
End of bar notes.
Off to write some on the novel. Feel free to check it out, lemme know what you think.
2002/11/30
Lots of thoughts, lots of thoughts. Hrm.
Had a dream last night about this guy friend of D's that I met on my birthday, and then again on another evening, when I was sober. Had a dream last night that we hooked up and did a bit of fooling around and it was feeling really awesome and then there was confusion and upset and I walked away and I woke up and couldn't get back to it. I remember what the confusion and upset was... he saw hickies on my neck and thought I was cheating on a boyfriend or something, and when I asked him what he wanted from me I decided that he just wanted a quick lay or something and we had the argument in a car on the way to work (we were making out in the car), and I got out and all of a sudden he was in a wheelchair and I walked to work and he never followed.
Most of the time, when I dream about someone, they don't look as they do in real life, but I know who they're meant to be. In this case, he did look like himself.
I think I solidified any minor crush I may have had on him based on a dream that I had. Very strangeness. :)
Spoke with Charmaine last night and told her bits of what Vicki and I were saying last Sunday night. I feel like a little matchmaker, and it's all fun and good. But for those that might get the wrong impression, not a matchmaker; just trying to set up two people who could be awesome friends but have too much back history and confusion because of stuff that happened when they first met, but now... well, we'll see. I hope I've helped and not screwed anything up.
She and I were talking about the coworker, she said that J, the (ex-)security guard who hates me has been his roommate for the last bunch of months is apparently getting fed up with him. I laugh. J is finding out how needy and clingy and smothering the coworker can be, and that's just from a friend perspective. According to Charmaine, he tells J that he goes out too much, drinks too much, etc., but when he gets invited out, doesn't go out. I said he was probably sitting around emailing/ICQing his gf, who as near as I can tell lives in Calgary. Since that's where he is now for two weeks (well, one week left), some of us (*cough* me) are hoping he might be a more pleasant person after he's gotten laid. ;)
As I said last night, he wants 150% of someone's time 150% of the time, and frankly, I don't want to give that for anyone, and I don't want them to give that for me. It's good to have outside friends, and it's fun to have shared friends. That was one thing I liked about J above my other past bfs; we'd get together with his friends as a couple, and we'd get together with my friends as a couple, and he seemed to enjoy himself with them. Char and I were saying, when you're with someone, you do the plan-comparison, "So, what are you doing tonight/in the mood to do tonight?" "Well, so-and-so and I were talking about getting together." "Oh yeah, that's cool, I was hoping for just a quiet night anyhow, so I'll do this..." or "Cool, so-and-so's been wanting to go out, I'll see if he/she's busy." That didn't work with the coworker, much as he claimed that he wasn't stopping me from getting together with my friends or whatever. I think in his pointy little head he thinks I was sleeping with all of my male friends. I remember he used to ask me why I didn't hang out with my female friends more often, and partly it's 'cause I don't have many and many of them have their own lives, too. :P I think from now on I'm automatically suspicious of anyone who presses home the fact that he's a nice guy or that he's not stopping me from having outside interests... especially if he whines when I have to do schoolwork or something instead of spending time in his hallowed company. Argh.
I was reading through Philip's site today, kinda neat that he's in Halifax. Hope he's not macking my sister, but what can I do if he is? She's an adult, and hopefully he's not going after 19-year olds. :P
UBFM didn't make it last night, oh darn. We had a pretty small crew, but except for M's gf, we all knew one another from high school, so it was good, comfortable chatting. Saw C, whom I haven't seen since shortly after grad, he's changed a great deal, but his personality seems the same, which is good. It's frustrating when someone makes up their mind in a particular direction and won't change it, even in light of presented facts. Admittedly, me saying such-and-such might not count to them as presented facts, but... argh. He's not a good guy. He's really not.
I was asked the other day, "What's it like being in love?" Scary and good and fun and comforting and heart-warming and devastating. On some level, I think I want that all back. On another level, I'm scared, I'm terrified of getting burned again. I have certain thoughts for the kind of guy I'd like to fall for, but life rarely works out that way.
Had a dream last night about this guy friend of D's that I met on my birthday, and then again on another evening, when I was sober. Had a dream last night that we hooked up and did a bit of fooling around and it was feeling really awesome and then there was confusion and upset and I walked away and I woke up and couldn't get back to it. I remember what the confusion and upset was... he saw hickies on my neck and thought I was cheating on a boyfriend or something, and when I asked him what he wanted from me I decided that he just wanted a quick lay or something and we had the argument in a car on the way to work (we were making out in the car), and I got out and all of a sudden he was in a wheelchair and I walked to work and he never followed.
Most of the time, when I dream about someone, they don't look as they do in real life, but I know who they're meant to be. In this case, he did look like himself.
I think I solidified any minor crush I may have had on him based on a dream that I had. Very strangeness. :)
Spoke with Charmaine last night and told her bits of what Vicki and I were saying last Sunday night. I feel like a little matchmaker, and it's all fun and good. But for those that might get the wrong impression, not a matchmaker; just trying to set up two people who could be awesome friends but have too much back history and confusion because of stuff that happened when they first met, but now... well, we'll see. I hope I've helped and not screwed anything up.
She and I were talking about the coworker, she said that J, the (ex-)security guard who hates me has been his roommate for the last bunch of months is apparently getting fed up with him. I laugh. J is finding out how needy and clingy and smothering the coworker can be, and that's just from a friend perspective. According to Charmaine, he tells J that he goes out too much, drinks too much, etc., but when he gets invited out, doesn't go out. I said he was probably sitting around emailing/ICQing his gf, who as near as I can tell lives in Calgary. Since that's where he is now for two weeks (well, one week left), some of us (*cough* me) are hoping he might be a more pleasant person after he's gotten laid. ;)
As I said last night, he wants 150% of someone's time 150% of the time, and frankly, I don't want to give that for anyone, and I don't want them to give that for me. It's good to have outside friends, and it's fun to have shared friends. That was one thing I liked about J above my other past bfs; we'd get together with his friends as a couple, and we'd get together with my friends as a couple, and he seemed to enjoy himself with them. Char and I were saying, when you're with someone, you do the plan-comparison, "So, what are you doing tonight/in the mood to do tonight?" "Well, so-and-so and I were talking about getting together." "Oh yeah, that's cool, I was hoping for just a quiet night anyhow, so I'll do this..." or "Cool, so-and-so's been wanting to go out, I'll see if he/she's busy." That didn't work with the coworker, much as he claimed that he wasn't stopping me from getting together with my friends or whatever. I think in his pointy little head he thinks I was sleeping with all of my male friends. I remember he used to ask me why I didn't hang out with my female friends more often, and partly it's 'cause I don't have many and many of them have their own lives, too. :P I think from now on I'm automatically suspicious of anyone who presses home the fact that he's a nice guy or that he's not stopping me from having outside interests... especially if he whines when I have to do schoolwork or something instead of spending time in his hallowed company. Argh.
I was reading through Philip's site today, kinda neat that he's in Halifax. Hope he's not macking my sister, but what can I do if he is? She's an adult, and hopefully he's not going after 19-year olds. :P
UBFM didn't make it last night, oh darn. We had a pretty small crew, but except for M's gf, we all knew one another from high school, so it was good, comfortable chatting. Saw C, whom I haven't seen since shortly after grad, he's changed a great deal, but his personality seems the same, which is good. It's frustrating when someone makes up their mind in a particular direction and won't change it, even in light of presented facts. Admittedly, me saying such-and-such might not count to them as presented facts, but... argh. He's not a good guy. He's really not.
I was asked the other day, "What's it like being in love?" Scary and good and fun and comforting and heart-warming and devastating. On some level, I think I want that all back. On another level, I'm scared, I'm terrified of getting burned again. I have certain thoughts for the kind of guy I'd like to fall for, but life rarely works out that way.
New content up on Whore's Boudoir. The column got away from me this week, so you'll have to forgive me if it's kinda everywhere. :)
My apologies to anyone that was anticipating a column on Tuesday (or even earlier than 4 a.m. on a Saturday morning). I was spanked rather thoroughly (and not in a fun way) by papers this week for classes, so writing anything else was a luxury that was not mine. Aside from rants and such up here, which I tend write in a stream-of-consciousness style, for the most part. Although now I've gotten in the habit of writing in my little blog book for content to post on here, for those few minutes a day when I'm not in front of a computer. :)
One day I'll stop putting my every little thought online, but for now... well, I seem to have a good readership base, and that makes me happy. :)
This evening Lucas was complaining that my hits are going to surpass unCultured. Considering it's been up longer, that'd be pretty impressive for my little site to surpass it. I think it has something to do with regular content finding its way onto my site, whereas Lucas and I have been the only ones to post on unCultured for the last several weeks, if not months... and the majority of that content's been mine. :P :)
No matter. S'all good. Thank you readers, bring more of your friends! Remember, after 5000 hits some pictures go up... and then my readership base falls completely off the wayside. ;) Unless anyone has any better ideas for what I should post to commemorate?
I decided last night, in the midst of my friends masturbating (I'm going to keep mentioning it, 'cause it still makes me laugh), that I'm going to start writing pornography, too. I'll even take requests; give me names, locations, and events you want to include, and I'll take it from there. The catch? I'm thinking a minor donation to PayPal might be in order, like $2.00 or something. Canadian, even. :) I've just decided that it's too much effort to try to find what I want online in the written porn fields, and I get annoyed with typos, poor grammar, bad dialogue, things like that... so I'll just write my own damn stuff. Hell, maybe I'll just write out things that have happened to me, who's gonna know the difference aside from those who've been there? And since it's my own damn porn, I can change it around all I want! ;)
Anyhow, now it's time for bed. :)
My apologies to anyone that was anticipating a column on Tuesday (or even earlier than 4 a.m. on a Saturday morning). I was spanked rather thoroughly (and not in a fun way) by papers this week for classes, so writing anything else was a luxury that was not mine. Aside from rants and such up here, which I tend write in a stream-of-consciousness style, for the most part. Although now I've gotten in the habit of writing in my little blog book for content to post on here, for those few minutes a day when I'm not in front of a computer. :)
One day I'll stop putting my every little thought online, but for now... well, I seem to have a good readership base, and that makes me happy. :)
This evening Lucas was complaining that my hits are going to surpass unCultured. Considering it's been up longer, that'd be pretty impressive for my little site to surpass it. I think it has something to do with regular content finding its way onto my site, whereas Lucas and I have been the only ones to post on unCultured for the last several weeks, if not months... and the majority of that content's been mine. :P :)
No matter. S'all good. Thank you readers, bring more of your friends! Remember, after 5000 hits some pictures go up... and then my readership base falls completely off the wayside. ;) Unless anyone has any better ideas for what I should post to commemorate?
I decided last night, in the midst of my friends masturbating (I'm going to keep mentioning it, 'cause it still makes me laugh), that I'm going to start writing pornography, too. I'll even take requests; give me names, locations, and events you want to include, and I'll take it from there. The catch? I'm thinking a minor donation to PayPal might be in order, like $2.00 or something. Canadian, even. :) I've just decided that it's too much effort to try to find what I want online in the written porn fields, and I get annoyed with typos, poor grammar, bad dialogue, things like that... so I'll just write my own damn stuff. Hell, maybe I'll just write out things that have happened to me, who's gonna know the difference aside from those who've been there? And since it's my own damn porn, I can change it around all I want! ;)
Anyhow, now it's time for bed. :)
New links on the left-hand side, under my schedule. I've taken off the fall schedule, since it's over now, and included both the entire month of December, and each week at a glance. It's not pretty, but it gets the job done.
If you're too lazy to scroll down, then... tough. ;)
I was doing some writing on my novel today, but not sure I feel totally up to writing it out at the moment. I think I'll just go for some Age of Myth and leave the heavy-duty writing to tomorrow. Feelin' lazy. :)
If you're too lazy to scroll down, then... tough. ;)
I was doing some writing on my novel today, but not sure I feel totally up to writing it out at the moment. I think I'll just go for some Age of Myth and leave the heavy-duty writing to tomorrow. Feelin' lazy. :)
2002/11/29
Big A, you need help. ;)
It's funny; every since I started writing all the time, I think about things I can write a lot. This is nice... although it can suck when I have a great idea, or think I do, and then I lose it when I go to write it down, or feel less inspired. Ah well. :)
I'm worried about my fish; they're on my bookcase directly beneath the window, and there's a huge breeze, even though the window's shut. Very cold. I think I'll move them to next to my computer; there's room on the desk, and this makes it much easier to feed them. And gives me lots of room on top of the bookcase to stack more stuff.
That's all that my room is at the moment; a collection of stacked stuff. Urgh. Gotta clean it before I go to NY, otherwise my mom'll have a huge cow. Huge cow, you don't understand.
I can't believe that Monday is the last day of classes. Wow, has that time flown past. It's funny to think that what, about four months ago? Just about, I was getting back from vacation and getting my ass dumped. Now, well, now things are different. I've gotten to know some people better (like Ben, even though it feels like I've been close to Ben for ages and ages, it's really only been for a couple of months), and Markolopolous, and the second Mark, and ... well, things are pretty good.
I went through a weird mood last night talking to Ben on the phone for a bit. I'd called him at a mutual friend's place to discuss some stuff with him about a funeral coming up (that isn't actually happening), and we went through a few other topics, as Ben and I are wont to do. See, we're taking my friend out tonight to try to ... well, just show him people care, not so much try to cheer him up, and UBFM is going to more than likely be there, as his presence was "specifically requested." So, I was telling Ben that I can likely handle this (or at least that was my mental reasoning) because I like who I am now, and I do. Ben was saying he could tell that lately, and he was glad.
I'm better at accepting myself, I think. My likes, my dislikes... the coworker used to tell me I was difficult and particular and blah blah blah. The thing he failed to realize/mention/acknowledge was that he's the same bloody way! I know some people who are really easy to get along with -- Ben, Markolopolous, Big A, Vicki, among others -- and then there are people that you really have to get to know, and that's fun, too. Hopefully, I'm somewhere in between, although some friends have said I'm part of the first, which is nice. I said it once at the security desk, assuming it would get back to J (the security guard), and I still say it; those people got to know one side of me, and that's just it. They didn't get to know me outside of the work-Jen, or I'm-in-a-bad-relationship-Jen (like when I was dating coworker), so... sucks to their asmar.
I coined a new term while in conversation with Markolopolous last night; a "beer-in-hand" discussion. That works for anything serious or semi-serious: relationships, sex, whatever strikes your fancy. Something that you could see yourself talking about at a bar with a friend, or a pub -- someplace quiet, where you can hear one another easily without shouting. In that case, it was relationships we were talking about. It struck me as funny; he said he didn't know about my past, and when I told him it was an open book, the one question he asked was, "What were your past relationships like, as a whole?" It's not so much funny ha-ha, but funny "hmm." Maybe I have a problem, maybe it's celibacy, I don't know, but usually I think of that question in regards to sexual past. I think I just have a problem. :)
Anytime I'm asked, I flippantly sum up my past as so: generally the blonds treated me like shit and the brunets broke my heart. I guess you could say that by breaking my heart, the brunets also treated me like shit, but I disagree. Just 'cause someone breaks up with you doesn't mean that they treated you like shit, it just means they hurt you, and, "Life is pain, princess. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
I want to write more about relationships and other thoughts, but I'm getting cold and I have to get ready to go to my second-last class. Soon, I will be able to remove my Fall schedule from this website! Yay! :)
Oh yes, the other beer-in-hand conversation I had last night? Discussing size and accomodations and such. That one was a sexual conversation, but an interesting one, as they usually are. :) I think I'll read the Story of O on the bus today. Right after I finish off Where the Girls Are, a book about the representation of women in the mass media through the 40s onwards. It's an excellent book, written with a great sense of humour, I highly recommend it. :)
Anyhow, most people are ass, but I've found some of the best ones and, for some reason or another, they're my friends, and I thank them for it. That's what I'm thankful for, even though my Thanksgiving has long since passed; the fabulous people I know and have befriended, whether it's through school, work, or other friends. You guys rule. :)
It's funny; every since I started writing all the time, I think about things I can write a lot. This is nice... although it can suck when I have a great idea, or think I do, and then I lose it when I go to write it down, or feel less inspired. Ah well. :)
I'm worried about my fish; they're on my bookcase directly beneath the window, and there's a huge breeze, even though the window's shut. Very cold. I think I'll move them to next to my computer; there's room on the desk, and this makes it much easier to feed them. And gives me lots of room on top of the bookcase to stack more stuff.
That's all that my room is at the moment; a collection of stacked stuff. Urgh. Gotta clean it before I go to NY, otherwise my mom'll have a huge cow. Huge cow, you don't understand.
I can't believe that Monday is the last day of classes. Wow, has that time flown past. It's funny to think that what, about four months ago? Just about, I was getting back from vacation and getting my ass dumped. Now, well, now things are different. I've gotten to know some people better (like Ben, even though it feels like I've been close to Ben for ages and ages, it's really only been for a couple of months), and Markolopolous, and the second Mark, and ... well, things are pretty good.
I went through a weird mood last night talking to Ben on the phone for a bit. I'd called him at a mutual friend's place to discuss some stuff with him about a funeral coming up (that isn't actually happening), and we went through a few other topics, as Ben and I are wont to do. See, we're taking my friend out tonight to try to ... well, just show him people care, not so much try to cheer him up, and UBFM is going to more than likely be there, as his presence was "specifically requested." So, I was telling Ben that I can likely handle this (or at least that was my mental reasoning) because I like who I am now, and I do. Ben was saying he could tell that lately, and he was glad.
I'm better at accepting myself, I think. My likes, my dislikes... the coworker used to tell me I was difficult and particular and blah blah blah. The thing he failed to realize/mention/acknowledge was that he's the same bloody way! I know some people who are really easy to get along with -- Ben, Markolopolous, Big A, Vicki, among others -- and then there are people that you really have to get to know, and that's fun, too. Hopefully, I'm somewhere in between, although some friends have said I'm part of the first, which is nice. I said it once at the security desk, assuming it would get back to J (the security guard), and I still say it; those people got to know one side of me, and that's just it. They didn't get to know me outside of the work-Jen, or I'm-in-a-bad-relationship-Jen (like when I was dating coworker), so... sucks to their asmar.
I coined a new term while in conversation with Markolopolous last night; a "beer-in-hand" discussion. That works for anything serious or semi-serious: relationships, sex, whatever strikes your fancy. Something that you could see yourself talking about at a bar with a friend, or a pub -- someplace quiet, where you can hear one another easily without shouting. In that case, it was relationships we were talking about. It struck me as funny; he said he didn't know about my past, and when I told him it was an open book, the one question he asked was, "What were your past relationships like, as a whole?" It's not so much funny ha-ha, but funny "hmm." Maybe I have a problem, maybe it's celibacy, I don't know, but usually I think of that question in regards to sexual past. I think I just have a problem. :)
Anytime I'm asked, I flippantly sum up my past as so: generally the blonds treated me like shit and the brunets broke my heart. I guess you could say that by breaking my heart, the brunets also treated me like shit, but I disagree. Just 'cause someone breaks up with you doesn't mean that they treated you like shit, it just means they hurt you, and, "Life is pain, princess. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
I want to write more about relationships and other thoughts, but I'm getting cold and I have to get ready to go to my second-last class. Soon, I will be able to remove my Fall schedule from this website! Yay! :)
Oh yes, the other beer-in-hand conversation I had last night? Discussing size and accomodations and such. That one was a sexual conversation, but an interesting one, as they usually are. :) I think I'll read the Story of O on the bus today. Right after I finish off Where the Girls Are, a book about the representation of women in the mass media through the 40s onwards. It's an excellent book, written with a great sense of humour, I highly recommend it. :)
Anyhow, most people are ass, but I've found some of the best ones and, for some reason or another, they're my friends, and I thank them for it. That's what I'm thankful for, even though my Thanksgiving has long since passed; the fabulous people I know and have befriended, whether it's through school, work, or other friends. You guys rule. :)
The moral of the story:
And sometimes, you just have to laugh.
The result of the story:
From now on, I'm going to just stop in the middle of conversations with my friends and just start masturbating, and tell them that that's why I'm not talking anymore. Or surf for porn while talking to them, telling them if I find anything I like, and being all, "Back in a sec."
Of course, I realize that doesn't sound as ... threatening? as I had hoped it might.
It makes me laugh though, it really does.
The story:
Two different friends faded away tonight to masturbate while in mid-conversation! And the talks weren't even especially sexual in nature; they both just happened to be looking at porn at the same time as talking to me. Two different people!
It makes me laugh -- in a good way, I promise -- it really does. :)
And to those friends... I'm sorry, but I just had to write about it. *grin* Too much to pass up. :)
And sometimes, you just have to laugh.
The result of the story:
From now on, I'm going to just stop in the middle of conversations with my friends and just start masturbating, and tell them that that's why I'm not talking anymore. Or surf for porn while talking to them, telling them if I find anything I like, and being all, "Back in a sec."
Of course, I realize that doesn't sound as ... threatening? as I had hoped it might.
It makes me laugh though, it really does.
The story:
Two different friends faded away tonight to masturbate while in mid-conversation! And the talks weren't even especially sexual in nature; they both just happened to be looking at porn at the same time as talking to me. Two different people!
It makes me laugh -- in a good way, I promise -- it really does. :)
And to those friends... I'm sorry, but I just had to write about it. *grin* Too much to pass up. :)
Okay, a friend of mine sent me this pic earlier this evening, and we were trying to figure out what in the heck the "lavender" object is meant to represent. We (okay, I) can identify some of them as womenly bits and bums and such, but the one with the horizontal slot has us baffled.
My best guesses? A Muppet mouth, or a disk drive. If you have a better idea or funnier suggestion, please fill out the comments section. :)
My best guesses? A Muppet mouth, or a disk drive. If you have a better idea or funnier suggestion, please fill out the comments section. :)
2002/11/28
I think I just came up with a subject for tomorrow's column, based on conversations from yesterday.
Good times. Went to Chapters with Mark and Ben. I was aiming to pick up some odd purchases: from the Women's Studies section I found a book called Cunt (did you know that used to be a term of great respect for women?), from the Erotica section I picked up The Story of O, and then I bought some Christmas cards. *snicker* How's that for weirding people out? ;) I laughed at myself when the purchases were being rung up, too; the cashier was taking awhile because of this gift card I received from Chapters, so it wasn't the easiest of transactions to run. Consequently, because of the time factor and clowning around with Mark and Ben and talking to one of the other cashiers, by the time the girl rang through my purchases I'd been distracted. What this means is that I happened to glance at the readout for the cash register and I saw "Cunt" on the screen, and I thought to myself, "Wow, that's an unfortunate abbreviation for something," before realizing that no, it was in fact the book I had just bought.
Okay, so it was funny to me. ;)
I got my theCounter report today -- 215 visits last week! Readers, I don't know who you are, but I'm deeply in love with each and every one of you. Thank you for coming, and then thank you for returning. It means so much more to me than you might happen to realize.
A gentleman emailed me to thank me for one of my articles on Whore's Boudoir. Very awesome feeling. As well, my theCounter report for WB shows spikes on Tuesdays and Fridays, exactly like I said in my paper; last week I had 14 each on Tuesdays and Fridays, and 2-4 on the other days of the week. Sweet. ;)
I discovered yesterday that I make a nice pillow. Of course, Ben was so exhausted that I think a pool of molten lava might've made a good pillow, but hey. Sitting on the couch, Mark leaning on me from one direction, Ben sitting on the floor, resting his head on me. I was smushed, but comfortably so. It was just like high school, in ways that I was wishing would happen earlier on posts. Being surrounded by friends, being in contact with them, not worrying, "Oh my God, my hand is near his hand I think he's going to think I like him!"... instead realizing that hey, contact with other people feels good and doesn't have to be sexual, but instead can be very comforting. Of course, there are a few other things about yesterday that are reminiscent of high school, but I think they're gone now. ;)
Anyhow, time for me to get moving. Urgh. I stayed up until 5 last night playing Age of Myth, and was absolutely *frozen* when I went to bed. Shadow came up and snuggled under the covers, and I think Digger showed up before I fell asleep, too. I know he was there when I woke up, and he was all howly last night trying to get me to go to bed. He just didn't have any sympathy for my "just let me finish this level!" exhortations. Poor guy. :) Shadow is currently on my lap and making typing as difficult as possible, although she's not draped across both of my arms as is her usual way. The two of them have been having fights at the end of my bed every morning or evening for the last several days in a row. Little brats. :)
Before I forget, looks like I'll be working Friday nights again, which is nice. Of course, I just realized that this means that I'll be working Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights straight. Who needs a social life?! And Fridays will be really long when school starts up again; 8:30-11:30 classes, production work, then on the board until 11. Urgh. Ah well, intelligence is not my forte. Maybe I'll get Saturday afternoons back, although I doubt it. :P Ah well... such is life. And it sucks. ;) But the hours are needed, especially if I'll be moving out. *knocks wood*
Of course, as J- says, all of this is just until I win the lottery. :P :)
Good times. Went to Chapters with Mark and Ben. I was aiming to pick up some odd purchases: from the Women's Studies section I found a book called Cunt (did you know that used to be a term of great respect for women?), from the Erotica section I picked up The Story of O, and then I bought some Christmas cards. *snicker* How's that for weirding people out? ;) I laughed at myself when the purchases were being rung up, too; the cashier was taking awhile because of this gift card I received from Chapters, so it wasn't the easiest of transactions to run. Consequently, because of the time factor and clowning around with Mark and Ben and talking to one of the other cashiers, by the time the girl rang through my purchases I'd been distracted. What this means is that I happened to glance at the readout for the cash register and I saw "Cunt" on the screen, and I thought to myself, "Wow, that's an unfortunate abbreviation for something," before realizing that no, it was in fact the book I had just bought.
Okay, so it was funny to me. ;)
I got my theCounter report today -- 215 visits last week! Readers, I don't know who you are, but I'm deeply in love with each and every one of you. Thank you for coming, and then thank you for returning. It means so much more to me than you might happen to realize.
A gentleman emailed me to thank me for one of my articles on Whore's Boudoir. Very awesome feeling. As well, my theCounter report for WB shows spikes on Tuesdays and Fridays, exactly like I said in my paper; last week I had 14 each on Tuesdays and Fridays, and 2-4 on the other days of the week. Sweet. ;)
I discovered yesterday that I make a nice pillow. Of course, Ben was so exhausted that I think a pool of molten lava might've made a good pillow, but hey. Sitting on the couch, Mark leaning on me from one direction, Ben sitting on the floor, resting his head on me. I was smushed, but comfortably so. It was just like high school, in ways that I was wishing would happen earlier on posts. Being surrounded by friends, being in contact with them, not worrying, "Oh my God, my hand is near his hand I think he's going to think I like him!"... instead realizing that hey, contact with other people feels good and doesn't have to be sexual, but instead can be very comforting. Of course, there are a few other things about yesterday that are reminiscent of high school, but I think they're gone now. ;)
Anyhow, time for me to get moving. Urgh. I stayed up until 5 last night playing Age of Myth, and was absolutely *frozen* when I went to bed. Shadow came up and snuggled under the covers, and I think Digger showed up before I fell asleep, too. I know he was there when I woke up, and he was all howly last night trying to get me to go to bed. He just didn't have any sympathy for my "just let me finish this level!" exhortations. Poor guy. :) Shadow is currently on my lap and making typing as difficult as possible, although she's not draped across both of my arms as is her usual way. The two of them have been having fights at the end of my bed every morning or evening for the last several days in a row. Little brats. :)
Before I forget, looks like I'll be working Friday nights again, which is nice. Of course, I just realized that this means that I'll be working Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights straight. Who needs a social life?! And Fridays will be really long when school starts up again; 8:30-11:30 classes, production work, then on the board until 11. Urgh. Ah well, intelligence is not my forte. Maybe I'll get Saturday afternoons back, although I doubt it. :P Ah well... such is life. And it sucks. ;) But the hours are needed, especially if I'll be moving out. *knocks wood*
Of course, as J- says, all of this is just until I win the lottery. :P :)
2002/11/27
And just like that, they've already delivered all of my ads. Wow, that was quick. We'll see if the readership increases much, maybe it's an experiment I'll repeat again later. Hey, for $16 a pop? Not too bad. Nice, looks like I got about 70 hits or so from the ads. Definitely worth it. :)
I kept having all kinds of dreams last night and then getting woken up, so I felt like I didn't sleep well. But right now, I think I feel rested. Weirdness.
I still need an article for the Whore's Boudoir. Urgh.
*laugh* Just checked my comments for WB and I have a new fan, I think. Checked out his site here, and it looks like it'll be right up my alley. ;)
Doing my morning scan of blogs (now I have a new one to check out, sweet), and I want to call some people. There's one person I want to call and say, "hey, is there something you want to talk about?" and another person I want to call and say, "I spoke to so-and-so. It's okay. I disagree with what you say about yourself. It's not true." I think if I don't see her at work, I'll email her. I hope I did okay by speaking up on her behalf the other day. Hrm.
Maybe I just won't be able to fix anything. Maybe I'm screwing things up worse. It sucks. It really seriously sucks... but it's nice to be the highlight of someone's day. Just hope no one gets hurt, including me.
I kept having all kinds of dreams last night and then getting woken up, so I felt like I didn't sleep well. But right now, I think I feel rested. Weirdness.
I still need an article for the Whore's Boudoir. Urgh.
*laugh* Just checked my comments for WB and I have a new fan, I think. Checked out his site here, and it looks like it'll be right up my alley. ;)
Doing my morning scan of blogs (now I have a new one to check out, sweet), and I want to call some people. There's one person I want to call and say, "hey, is there something you want to talk about?" and another person I want to call and say, "I spoke to so-and-so. It's okay. I disagree with what you say about yourself. It's not true." I think if I don't see her at work, I'll email her. I hope I did okay by speaking up on her behalf the other day. Hrm.
Maybe I just won't be able to fix anything. Maybe I'm screwing things up worse. It sucks. It really seriously sucks... but it's nice to be the highlight of someone's day. Just hope no one gets hurt, including me.
2002/11/26
Okay, a few things before I get back to work on the school stuff. Got invited to officially join Blog Sisters, so I am now a member. Whee! Very coolage.
I managed to eat a death sandwich without choking this time, so that is good. Whee!
Okay, enough with the whees! I think I'm simply tired. Or something. Urgh.
What else? LoveInk published another of my articles, which is nice. I sent them the article on vibrators; the webmaster told me he didn't expect that kind of content, and that I was going to get a cult following. Fine by me, just so long as it's a following, eh? :)
In discussion with some classmates today, they've kinda scared me out of one of my classes for next year, and I haven't really heard too many good things about the prof overall, so I think that I'm going to have to drop that course. Which means it's one less class spent in the ass end of campus building, although I still have one there. Damn. Who knows, maybe I'll redo the whole damn schedule, but that other class (Communication and International Development, which doesn't turn my crank), is taught by the same prof that I had for women and media, so maybe it'll be cool. Better check on that Gonq course I wanted, hang on... sweet, it's still on Mondays, so I may damn well take it. Yeah!
Okay, moving on. Bus musings that I was writing on the way home, then it's back to the paper:
My head is abuzz with words, but nothing to say. I don't have the concentration, the attention span to read. I have much to write, but nothing to write, no way to say it. I thirst but nothing appeals.
I need a subject for my column, a keyboard beneath my fingertips for my papers, research for my papers. I carry pens and notebooks -- soon perhaps a voice recorder? -- for the words and thoughts and ideas that float around when I am at work, on the bus, or waiting for a bus.
In moods like this, I am easily annoyed and overwhelmed by the stupidity of others. Things bother me, and anger is my only refuge, until a friend or a funny occurance diffuses the mood.
The problem now? It is cold, and my parents would rather watch television than pick me up. It is cold, and I have a paper due tomorrow I must complete. It is cold and I am wasting time sitting at the bus station, waiting for my damn connection.
Mind you, it's not -20. The cold will get worse. The waiting for the bus will get harder to bear. Other frustrations will arise. Other papers and stresses will make themselves known.
I'm at a loss for today's column topic. My paper is currently, *knock wood*, writing itself. My column is not. I don't even have a particular subject, although now fantasies are sounding appealing. Well, as subject matter, too... ;)
Lately I've been mentally exploring the darker sides of my sexual interests. They're tucked away -- usually -- in a scary/safe realm. But with accepting people and ideas in all of their manifestations comes accepting oneself as you are. That means exploring myself and accepting everything I find there, good and bad.
This is by no means an overnight event. I've been working on self-evaluation -- or as some may call it, over-analyzation -- for quite some time. But the last six months or so, that inner eye has been turned on my sexual side.
I've learned a lot about my sexual side recently, and while I still do not take kindly to being labelled a slut or a whore in most cases, I have been able to release a lot of the paranoias associated with the words and can use them in joking contexts. It's a much easier joke to hear from a female friend than a male friend, for some reason. In addition, it's a term that I've reclaimed for myself -- hence the drunkenwhore URL and the Whore's Boudoir site name.
I've had friends call me a slut in jokes, and that's fine. But a friend of mine once alluded to my having kissed a number of guys, and that bothered me a little. I mean, part of me is able to dismiss it -- sure, I've kissed a fair number of people. But, more often than not, just kissing was as far as it went. As I said in my last article, it's a pursuit I enjoy, and I see nothing wrong with that. Is someone better for having kissed only two people? How about me, am I better for having kissed two dozen? (That's just a number, but if you really want me to sit down and start counting, I can). I don't think either of us is better, although one of us may have more practice at evaluating what she likes in kisses, or how others might like to be kissed. But Every Person Is Different, so I know that what is a fabulous kiss to me is too much or not enough of something to the next person. *shrug*
Back on track, the darker side of my personality. I used to keep it hidden, because I was afraid ... well, I was afraid of a lot of things. I was afraid that others wouldn't understand it, I was afraid that I wouldn't find anyone that could play with me the way I might be interested in playing, things like that. I was never afraid that I was deviant; that question never arose in my mind. What floats my boat and makes me hotter than hell turns someone else off completely, and there's nothing wrong with either of us. It's a healthy way to look at it. Basically, what I needed was someone who could take it seriously and not make me feel awkward about my interests, someone who had a few ideas of their own.
So I've been exploring a bit more online, and doing some side reading of my own. I'm not looking to find a partner online; hell, I don't know if I'm ready for a partner yet. But I'm having fun reading and learning about things, and helping to solidify my interests a bit more. Saying, 'I'm interested in bondage' still leaves a vast arena to be explored, so reading up on the various types of bondage (among other things), is helping me to learn what turns me on and what turns me off.
I'm also well-aware that that which I read and what makes me hot in fantasy isn't necessarily going to work in real life. Fantasy is a fantastic area for your mind to explore; reality is where things can be scary, uncomfortable, or downright painful. I'm willing to try anything once, twice, or all night long (to borrow a phrase that I think the coworker used to use, actually), but only so long as it's understood that if I say "no," the issue will not be pushed until I bring it up again. If I say, "ow" or "this isn't working for me," things will stop and resume only if I say so. The same thing goes for my partner, of course.
I'm also getting to accept my body as it is. Yes, I would love to lose some weight from my middle, hips and thighs, but for the most part, my body isn't that bad. So many times I have to remind myself that when I'm looking at a naked guy, someone I'm about to have wild monkey sex with, my brain is not cataloguing his figure flaws and getting turned off... so why should I assume that the same naked guy is doing the same to me? I've never been told, "I'd like you better if you lost weight." I've never been told, "You'd be sexier if..." I've never been told, "You'd be more attractive if..."
Instead, I've been told, "It's so sexy to see you writhing." "You look so sexy when..." "I'm picturing you like ... and you look so hot." (And that last didn't include any modifications on my body, just the addition of a few key accessories, as it were. ;)
I've never been called fatty or fatso or tub or a whale. Instead, I've been called a hottie (by people I have not and never will be dating), a cutie, a sexy vixen, just plain sexy.. and I've received a number of offers for no-strings attached sex. Okay, so I want someone to see me for more than just my body and want me as a person, but hey, the thought is there, right? Or something.
I've had a few virgins want me to be their first. I've had a few non-virgins want me to be their number whatever. I've been the best for a few people, and I've likely been the worst for at least two. All of these things go into me, and they're the good and the bad, and I can accept them. They're part of my past, present and future. All in all, I don't think it's that bad of a place to be, or a person to be, regardless of what a few people might think or say.
So I'm at a place in my life now where I'm willing to explore and play around a little bit. Whether it's going to work out or not remains to be seen, but y'know what? I'm looking forward to the finding out. :)
I managed to eat a death sandwich without choking this time, so that is good. Whee!
Okay, enough with the whees! I think I'm simply tired. Or something. Urgh.
What else? LoveInk published another of my articles, which is nice. I sent them the article on vibrators; the webmaster told me he didn't expect that kind of content, and that I was going to get a cult following. Fine by me, just so long as it's a following, eh? :)
In discussion with some classmates today, they've kinda scared me out of one of my classes for next year, and I haven't really heard too many good things about the prof overall, so I think that I'm going to have to drop that course. Which means it's one less class spent in the ass end of campus building, although I still have one there. Damn. Who knows, maybe I'll redo the whole damn schedule, but that other class (Communication and International Development, which doesn't turn my crank), is taught by the same prof that I had for women and media, so maybe it'll be cool. Better check on that Gonq course I wanted, hang on... sweet, it's still on Mondays, so I may damn well take it. Yeah!
Okay, moving on. Bus musings that I was writing on the way home, then it's back to the paper:
My head is abuzz with words, but nothing to say. I don't have the concentration, the attention span to read. I have much to write, but nothing to write, no way to say it. I thirst but nothing appeals.
I need a subject for my column, a keyboard beneath my fingertips for my papers, research for my papers. I carry pens and notebooks -- soon perhaps a voice recorder? -- for the words and thoughts and ideas that float around when I am at work, on the bus, or waiting for a bus.
In moods like this, I am easily annoyed and overwhelmed by the stupidity of others. Things bother me, and anger is my only refuge, until a friend or a funny occurance diffuses the mood.
The problem now? It is cold, and my parents would rather watch television than pick me up. It is cold, and I have a paper due tomorrow I must complete. It is cold and I am wasting time sitting at the bus station, waiting for my damn connection.
Mind you, it's not -20. The cold will get worse. The waiting for the bus will get harder to bear. Other frustrations will arise. Other papers and stresses will make themselves known.
I'm at a loss for today's column topic. My paper is currently, *knock wood*, writing itself. My column is not. I don't even have a particular subject, although now fantasies are sounding appealing. Well, as subject matter, too... ;)
Lately I've been mentally exploring the darker sides of my sexual interests. They're tucked away -- usually -- in a scary/safe realm. But with accepting people and ideas in all of their manifestations comes accepting oneself as you are. That means exploring myself and accepting everything I find there, good and bad.
This is by no means an overnight event. I've been working on self-evaluation -- or as some may call it, over-analyzation -- for quite some time. But the last six months or so, that inner eye has been turned on my sexual side.
I've learned a lot about my sexual side recently, and while I still do not take kindly to being labelled a slut or a whore in most cases, I have been able to release a lot of the paranoias associated with the words and can use them in joking contexts. It's a much easier joke to hear from a female friend than a male friend, for some reason. In addition, it's a term that I've reclaimed for myself -- hence the drunkenwhore URL and the Whore's Boudoir site name.
I've had friends call me a slut in jokes, and that's fine. But a friend of mine once alluded to my having kissed a number of guys, and that bothered me a little. I mean, part of me is able to dismiss it -- sure, I've kissed a fair number of people. But, more often than not, just kissing was as far as it went. As I said in my last article, it's a pursuit I enjoy, and I see nothing wrong with that. Is someone better for having kissed only two people? How about me, am I better for having kissed two dozen? (That's just a number, but if you really want me to sit down and start counting, I can). I don't think either of us is better, although one of us may have more practice at evaluating what she likes in kisses, or how others might like to be kissed. But Every Person Is Different, so I know that what is a fabulous kiss to me is too much or not enough of something to the next person. *shrug*
Back on track, the darker side of my personality. I used to keep it hidden, because I was afraid ... well, I was afraid of a lot of things. I was afraid that others wouldn't understand it, I was afraid that I wouldn't find anyone that could play with me the way I might be interested in playing, things like that. I was never afraid that I was deviant; that question never arose in my mind. What floats my boat and makes me hotter than hell turns someone else off completely, and there's nothing wrong with either of us. It's a healthy way to look at it. Basically, what I needed was someone who could take it seriously and not make me feel awkward about my interests, someone who had a few ideas of their own.
So I've been exploring a bit more online, and doing some side reading of my own. I'm not looking to find a partner online; hell, I don't know if I'm ready for a partner yet. But I'm having fun reading and learning about things, and helping to solidify my interests a bit more. Saying, 'I'm interested in bondage' still leaves a vast arena to be explored, so reading up on the various types of bondage (among other things), is helping me to learn what turns me on and what turns me off.
I'm also well-aware that that which I read and what makes me hot in fantasy isn't necessarily going to work in real life. Fantasy is a fantastic area for your mind to explore; reality is where things can be scary, uncomfortable, or downright painful. I'm willing to try anything once, twice, or all night long (to borrow a phrase that I think the coworker used to use, actually), but only so long as it's understood that if I say "no," the issue will not be pushed until I bring it up again. If I say, "ow" or "this isn't working for me," things will stop and resume only if I say so. The same thing goes for my partner, of course.
I'm also getting to accept my body as it is. Yes, I would love to lose some weight from my middle, hips and thighs, but for the most part, my body isn't that bad. So many times I have to remind myself that when I'm looking at a naked guy, someone I'm about to have wild monkey sex with, my brain is not cataloguing his figure flaws and getting turned off... so why should I assume that the same naked guy is doing the same to me? I've never been told, "I'd like you better if you lost weight." I've never been told, "You'd be sexier if..." I've never been told, "You'd be more attractive if..."
Instead, I've been told, "It's so sexy to see you writhing." "You look so sexy when..." "I'm picturing you like ... and you look so hot." (And that last didn't include any modifications on my body, just the addition of a few key accessories, as it were. ;)
I've never been called fatty or fatso or tub or a whale. Instead, I've been called a hottie (by people I have not and never will be dating), a cutie, a sexy vixen, just plain sexy.. and I've received a number of offers for no-strings attached sex. Okay, so I want someone to see me for more than just my body and want me as a person, but hey, the thought is there, right? Or something.
I've had a few virgins want me to be their first. I've had a few non-virgins want me to be their number whatever. I've been the best for a few people, and I've likely been the worst for at least two. All of these things go into me, and they're the good and the bad, and I can accept them. They're part of my past, present and future. All in all, I don't think it's that bad of a place to be, or a person to be, regardless of what a few people might think or say.
So I'm at a place in my life now where I'm willing to explore and play around a little bit. Whether it's going to work out or not remains to be seen, but y'know what? I'm looking forward to the finding out. :)
Stress is a good motivator! Hyped up on Pepsi (which I hate, but I really crave Coke and I can't afford the time to go to the store and buy the Coke and chocolate I crave)! Wheee! I'm half-way done!
This damn scary paper is writing itself more than any of the others. What the fuck is up with that?!
Anyhow, I only vaguely hate writing now. We'll see.
Can't type anymore, though. That's one thing that all of this writing and online communication has done for me over the last while; greatly improved my typing speed and accuracy. Not that I was a slow typist to begin with, but I think the accuracy has really increased. But I still can't type "okay" most of the time... things are "oaky", instead.
Whee... more writing.
This damn scary paper is writing itself more than any of the others. What the fuck is up with that?!
Anyhow, I only vaguely hate writing now. We'll see.
Can't type anymore, though. That's one thing that all of this writing and online communication has done for me over the last while; greatly improved my typing speed and accuracy. Not that I was a slow typist to begin with, but I think the accuracy has really increased. But I still can't type "okay" most of the time... things are "oaky", instead.
Whee... more writing.
Since I'm supposed to be writing a paper, I am, of course, getting distracted. But I've got over a thousand words down, so this is all good.
Two things I've done: applied to be a member of Blog Sisters, and bought some advertising on Blogger for Whore's Boudoir. The ads won't show up yet, but I'm hoping they will soon.
Yay! Lots of hits, here's hoping. :)
Two things I've done: applied to be a member of Blog Sisters, and bought some advertising on Blogger for Whore's Boudoir. The ads won't show up yet, but I'm hoping they will soon.
Yay! Lots of hits, here's hoping. :)
Urgh. Today's column topic: "How to offer sexual favours to get people to write your papers for you."
Errm, wait. That didn't work. Damn.
Okay, so possibly no column, depends on how well I get this paper done. I'll let you know. Argh.
I hate writing. Suckage, suckage, suckage. No writing! No more. :(
Errm, wait. That didn't work. Damn.
Okay, so possibly no column, depends on how well I get this paper done. I'll let you know. Argh.
I hate writing. Suckage, suckage, suckage. No writing! No more. :(
One paper done and sent off.
The big scary one remains, and that's getting written tomorrow.
Urgh... my brain hurts.
I think I'll do a semiotic analysis of online journal sites, which is kinda the example the prof gave, but a bit different. Yeah, that works. Maybe throw in some liberal feminism on top of that, since I understood that.
Wow, I almost sound smart there.
*sigh* I hate school. :P That's not true; I hate all these papers I have to write on subjects that suck. I forget the last time I picked a paper because I genuinely wanted to write it. Oh wait, that's this site, and my columns page. :)
Anyhow, early bedtime, I think. Maybe some WCIII as a reward, or Age of Myth. Gotta get up early and get cracking much sooner than I did today. I suck. :P
Did chat with the sis for a bit, that was kinda nice. We get along great when she's far away. :)
The big scary one remains, and that's getting written tomorrow.
Urgh... my brain hurts.
I think I'll do a semiotic analysis of online journal sites, which is kinda the example the prof gave, but a bit different. Yeah, that works. Maybe throw in some liberal feminism on top of that, since I understood that.
Wow, I almost sound smart there.
*sigh* I hate school. :P That's not true; I hate all these papers I have to write on subjects that suck. I forget the last time I picked a paper because I genuinely wanted to write it. Oh wait, that's this site, and my columns page. :)
Anyhow, early bedtime, I think. Maybe some WCIII as a reward, or Age of Myth. Gotta get up early and get cracking much sooner than I did today. I suck. :P
Did chat with the sis for a bit, that was kinda nice. We get along great when she's far away. :)
2002/11/25
Reflecting my thoughts on Christmas, since they're currently playing Christmas music... argh! I'm a few days late in reporting that part, but here you go:
Dear Friends:
I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies or me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem. The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird things
to the 7 swans a-swimming. The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird shit.
On top of all this Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January. (Or, in this part of the world, October something...)
Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and bring you the things you want. This year I suggest you get your asses down to Walmart
before everything is gone.
Sincerely,
Santa Claus
In other news... kinda impressed with Chapters. This year they sent me a free renewal on my members card, and just now I got a $25 gift card in the mail. So I can go book shopping and likely spend twice as much, since that is my style, and what they're expecting, I'm sure. :)
I think I'm going to stop reading the op-eds and the letters to the editor. I just want to yell at the stupidities of the people. There was a guy writing in to offer some tongue-in-cheek suggestions to the bus people, one of them being some way of finding out if the bus driver is only going to offer 'no's or no responses to their chatting. I want to call this man up and yell at him, 'They're doing their job! Do they come to you and try to engage you in conversation when you're doing your job? Is your job chauffering around hundreds of people a day? How about letting the drivers concentrate on the road so they don't get us in an accident and we don't all die!?' Argh.
The column to the veterinarian annoys me, too. People are always writing in with stupid shit like, 'My dog's been peeing blood for three weeks and crying all the time. What should I do? Will aspirin help?' or 'My veterinarian just diagnosed my cat with a thyroid problem and says she needs to be put on medication for life. What are the side-effects and should I do this?' Again, I want to call up these people and yell at them, 'Take your fucking dog to the vet! Have you ever peed blood?! It hurts! Of course your dog is crying, it has a goddamn UTI! Get it treatment!' or 'Ask your fucking vet! She's the one that diagnosed your cat, ask her!' Argh!
But I tend to get upset about animal stuff, so that's maybe just me. :)
My eyes are still all blurry, and I don't know why.
And here I was, thinking I wouldn't really have to buy many Christmas gifts this year; my aunt and sister are well take care of, and I just have the grandfolks and folks. Instead, I also have the two Marks and assorted friends. I want to buy little gifts for lots of people at work and such, but not too sure what I'm going to do yet.
Had a good chat with Vicki last night. I haven't seen her in awhile 'cause of how our schedules got all screwed around (thank you boss), so last night was a nice catching up time. She called me non-judgemental on her site, yay! :) I think she's going to do okay, it's just a time thing. I hated hearing people say that to me, but it's true and it's totally ass. Totally, totally, ass. Vicki has said she can be immature, and sometimes that's true, but who isn't? Frankly, with all the crap she's been through in her life, I think she can be however the hell she wants. :) We talked a bit about Charmaine, and hopefully I did some good stuff there. I hate to see people dancing around one another 'cause they're not sure where the other stands, so who knows, maybe the three of us can start hanging out? We'll see. :)
Okay, time for shower and getting started on the papers, and/or changing the fish water. The poor guys must think they're back out in the wild. Eesh. I'm a terrible mommy.
Dear Friends:
I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies or me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem. The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird things
to the 7 swans a-swimming. The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird shit.
On top of all this Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January. (Or, in this part of the world, October something...)
Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and bring you the things you want. This year I suggest you get your asses down to Walmart
before everything is gone.
Sincerely,
Santa Claus
In other news... kinda impressed with Chapters. This year they sent me a free renewal on my members card, and just now I got a $25 gift card in the mail. So I can go book shopping and likely spend twice as much, since that is my style, and what they're expecting, I'm sure. :)
I think I'm going to stop reading the op-eds and the letters to the editor. I just want to yell at the stupidities of the people. There was a guy writing in to offer some tongue-in-cheek suggestions to the bus people, one of them being some way of finding out if the bus driver is only going to offer 'no's or no responses to their chatting. I want to call this man up and yell at him, 'They're doing their job! Do they come to you and try to engage you in conversation when you're doing your job? Is your job chauffering around hundreds of people a day? How about letting the drivers concentrate on the road so they don't get us in an accident and we don't all die!?' Argh.
The column to the veterinarian annoys me, too. People are always writing in with stupid shit like, 'My dog's been peeing blood for three weeks and crying all the time. What should I do? Will aspirin help?' or 'My veterinarian just diagnosed my cat with a thyroid problem and says she needs to be put on medication for life. What are the side-effects and should I do this?' Again, I want to call up these people and yell at them, 'Take your fucking dog to the vet! Have you ever peed blood?! It hurts! Of course your dog is crying, it has a goddamn UTI! Get it treatment!' or 'Ask your fucking vet! She's the one that diagnosed your cat, ask her!' Argh!
But I tend to get upset about animal stuff, so that's maybe just me. :)
My eyes are still all blurry, and I don't know why.
And here I was, thinking I wouldn't really have to buy many Christmas gifts this year; my aunt and sister are well take care of, and I just have the grandfolks and folks. Instead, I also have the two Marks and assorted friends. I want to buy little gifts for lots of people at work and such, but not too sure what I'm going to do yet.
Had a good chat with Vicki last night. I haven't seen her in awhile 'cause of how our schedules got all screwed around (thank you boss), so last night was a nice catching up time. She called me non-judgemental on her site, yay! :) I think she's going to do okay, it's just a time thing. I hated hearing people say that to me, but it's true and it's totally ass. Totally, totally, ass. Vicki has said she can be immature, and sometimes that's true, but who isn't? Frankly, with all the crap she's been through in her life, I think she can be however the hell she wants. :) We talked a bit about Charmaine, and hopefully I did some good stuff there. I hate to see people dancing around one another 'cause they're not sure where the other stands, so who knows, maybe the three of us can start hanging out? We'll see. :)
Okay, time for shower and getting started on the papers, and/or changing the fish water. The poor guys must think they're back out in the wild. Eesh. I'm a terrible mommy.
2002/11/24
Oh yes, and final thought: Yesterday marked 3 months. Wa-hoo. Needless to say, I didn't exactly celebrate. ;)
Nonetheless, I'm doing well. I'm not rushing out to do anything about it, although I've been tempted at times. I've waited until I was ready, both emotionally and physically. The emotional was the part I was really waiting on; the physical wasn't that big of a deal. :)
Life is funny. It's funny how people can change from being near-strangers to being important to you, or vice versa. I know this is a thought that I've expressed many times before, but it just keeps getting reinforced, especially lately, it seems. The ex- and I, once great loves, barely speak anymore. Someone I wasn't sure I liked in real life (and am still on the fence about), talks to me every time I log onto ICQ, and sometimes I chat back to him. Not what you'd call an enemy, exactly, but whatever.
I think the closest I have to an enemy right now would be the UBFM (The Ex-), and it just struck me, I wonder if he thinks he's being "the bigger person" by emailing me on my birthday, even when I don't email him on his (which is two weeks' before mine), or reply to his emails. Hrm.
Feeling introspective/contemplative today. Thinking things over, and not necessarily in a bad way. Not really sure of any conclusions being drawn, I don't think there are any to draw, but it's still tumbling around in my head.
My poor fish. I so need to clean out their tank. That's tomorrow, for sure. Urgh.
Three papers this week. Fuck. I'm going to die this week, I just know it. So fucked. So seriously, seriously, bent over, screwed, fucked, nailed, and money shotted, and all I can do is chain myself to my desk, go to the classes I absolutely can't miss, and hang on tight. Keep writing, keep writing, keep writing.
I'm churning out papers just to get them done, not necessarily worrying about their quality; frankly, it's been rare in my school career that I've written a paper I've gone, "Damn, this is a really good paper." Usually, it's "I hope this is okay" and then I get a good mark back and I'm all pleased and surprised. Other times, it's "This is crap," and then I get a bad mark on it and I'm not surprised. Once in awhile, I've written something I thought was decent and gotten tanked on it, but that doesn't happen too often, thankfully.
One day maybe I'll go back and read my first year papers, see how I've (hopefully) improved in that time. :)
I like the driving rhythm behind "Lose yourself," the Eminem song off 8 Mile. Combined with the lyrics, it really drives home some of the urgency the character seems to be feeling (well, I haven't seen the movie, so I can't say for sure), and it seems to be leading to something. I don't know, I guess I kinda compare it with writing, and it works in my head, I just can't articulate it on the screen right now, partly because my thinking brain is following the lyrics instead of the writing I'm doing right now. :)
Anyhow, it's time to be off to work. I just wanted to put some nonsense up for all of my lovely readers. :) I think after I clock over 5000 hits, I'll post some pictures of myself up. I'm at the point now where I kinda don't care if the coworker or the ex- find this page; what are they going to do now, anyhow? My life is more or less an open book at this point, and it's through openness that I'm hoping to avoid hurting anyone.
The question is... can I really keep my emotions out of this the way I think I can? I'm afraid, especially considering my reaction to comments now and then. Fuck. I hate emotions and their complications.
Nonetheless, I'm doing well. I'm not rushing out to do anything about it, although I've been tempted at times. I've waited until I was ready, both emotionally and physically. The emotional was the part I was really waiting on; the physical wasn't that big of a deal. :)
Life is funny. It's funny how people can change from being near-strangers to being important to you, or vice versa. I know this is a thought that I've expressed many times before, but it just keeps getting reinforced, especially lately, it seems. The ex- and I, once great loves, barely speak anymore. Someone I wasn't sure I liked in real life (and am still on the fence about), talks to me every time I log onto ICQ, and sometimes I chat back to him. Not what you'd call an enemy, exactly, but whatever.
I think the closest I have to an enemy right now would be the UBFM (The Ex-), and it just struck me, I wonder if he thinks he's being "the bigger person" by emailing me on my birthday, even when I don't email him on his (which is two weeks' before mine), or reply to his emails. Hrm.
Feeling introspective/contemplative today. Thinking things over, and not necessarily in a bad way. Not really sure of any conclusions being drawn, I don't think there are any to draw, but it's still tumbling around in my head.
My poor fish. I so need to clean out their tank. That's tomorrow, for sure. Urgh.
Three papers this week. Fuck. I'm going to die this week, I just know it. So fucked. So seriously, seriously, bent over, screwed, fucked, nailed, and money shotted, and all I can do is chain myself to my desk, go to the classes I absolutely can't miss, and hang on tight. Keep writing, keep writing, keep writing.
I'm churning out papers just to get them done, not necessarily worrying about their quality; frankly, it's been rare in my school career that I've written a paper I've gone, "Damn, this is a really good paper." Usually, it's "I hope this is okay" and then I get a good mark back and I'm all pleased and surprised. Other times, it's "This is crap," and then I get a bad mark on it and I'm not surprised. Once in awhile, I've written something I thought was decent and gotten tanked on it, but that doesn't happen too often, thankfully.
One day maybe I'll go back and read my first year papers, see how I've (hopefully) improved in that time. :)
I like the driving rhythm behind "Lose yourself," the Eminem song off 8 Mile. Combined with the lyrics, it really drives home some of the urgency the character seems to be feeling (well, I haven't seen the movie, so I can't say for sure), and it seems to be leading to something. I don't know, I guess I kinda compare it with writing, and it works in my head, I just can't articulate it on the screen right now, partly because my thinking brain is following the lyrics instead of the writing I'm doing right now. :)
Anyhow, it's time to be off to work. I just wanted to put some nonsense up for all of my lovely readers. :) I think after I clock over 5000 hits, I'll post some pictures of myself up. I'm at the point now where I kinda don't care if the coworker or the ex- find this page; what are they going to do now, anyhow? My life is more or less an open book at this point, and it's through openness that I'm hoping to avoid hurting anyone.
The question is... can I really keep my emotions out of this the way I think I can? I'm afraid, especially considering my reaction to comments now and then. Fuck. I hate emotions and their complications.
What
lesser-known Simpsons character are you?
Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.
Run down of yesterday:
Chatted with Mark on the phone during my shift until 10. Called up young Mark to see if he wanted to geek out tonight, he was all for it, we arranged to meet at the bus station and bus out to get my (Mom's) car together, then get food, etc. On the bus, Ben calls, asking if I'm busy tonight; I tell him I'm on my way over to his house. S'funny, we laugh. Get to the bus station, still chatting with Ben, sorting things out, arrange to go pick him up from work after we finish all the running around. Mark hasn't arrived yet, call his house, he's not there, no big deal, he shows up a few minutes later. We get on the bus, go get the car, go out to the grocery store for cat food and munchies.
While we're there, I see a guy I knew from elementary school/high school. We say hi, ask what the other's doing; I'm finishing university and working in radio, he's working as a dishpig and up on fraud charges for making credit cards. Nice. He asks who my "husband" is, pointing to Mark, and while Mark is trying to say that he's my friend, this guy starts telling his friend that, "Oops, watch him be like the brother or something. No, the cousin!" which turned into, "Jen's dating her cousin!" He then went and ran into a stockboy, who he promptly told, "those two are cousins and they're dating! He's her cousin and he sticks his weiner in her!" And Mark overheard something about how he plugs me. Guy continued to tell people at the checkout as he paid and left, entertaining the cashier and whatnot. I wasn't especially impressed, mainly 'cause it was just so stupid.
Nonetheless, continued on from there to order and pick up nachos, chatted with the pizza guy's ex-roommate for a bit, he seems to be doing okay. Afterwards, finally got out on the road to pick up Ben. It was about 20 after 1 by the time we connected. Went over to Ben's place, ate some more nachos and Ben ordered pizza, which I ate about a half slice of; my body had finally decided, "Okay, you had nachos, so yeah, you are full. Well done!"
Anyhow, someone put on American Movie, 'cause we were no longer in the mood to geek out. I was feeling kinda tired and the movie didn't absorb me, so I kept closing my eyes, but everytime I opened them, Ben was staring at me, trying to figure out it I was asleep or not, and doing the same to Mark. Needless to say, I'd have fallen asleep much earlier if he hadn't kept doing that. ;) I did drift off, 'cause when I woke up it was 3:30 in the morning and Ben had turned the movie off since both Mark and I had passed out. He went over and was on the computer for a bit, and I settled down more comfortably and Mark started flipping channels. He got up at one point and came back down, and I fell asleep completely and woke up around 5. Went home, back to bed. Digger settled in with me, he was still there when I woke up this morning, so we had a nice pat. :)
Anyhow, major stress on the papers I have due this week, especially as I don't know how the hell I'm going to do the first two. My thoughts on the first one just aren't going to pan out I think, and that sucks serious ass, since it's due tomorrow and that's been with an extension. Argh. Much class and work skippage is going to happen to accomodate all of this damn writing I have to do. :P
2002/11/23
Been communicating with the webmaster of LoveInk.com, and he wants me to send him weekly articles!
*dance*
He said that I'm obviously very talented and should be doing more than just writing for websites. Sweet, eh? :)
And a reply to Jay's comments:
First of all, it's womEn in media. :p
Second of all, in reply to this:
"I guess they teach you in "WomYn in Media" that the best way to effect change and influence people is to completely disregard the arguements of anyone who may have a differing viewpoint. Unbridled rage channeled into dogmatic self-reinforcing misconceptions and reverse discrimination is how you get things done!"
I wasn't saying that it's a case of completely disregarding the arguments of people with a differing viewpoint. What I'm saying is that just like we can't understand what it feels like to go biking with balls, you can't understand the treatment that we get. You don't get treated like you can't figure out how to turn on a computer when you call IT support, and you don't have your boss walk in and start talking to your male coworker for answers to what's going wrong when you're trying to explain it to him. You have a penis! Therefore, there is a whole section of society that automatically treats you better. I'm not saying everyone does it, because that's not true. I'm not saying that it happens every day, because that's not true either. I'm saying it happens, and it's something that you can't see or understand until it starts happening to you because you're a guy.
I'm also saying, please don't tell me it doesn't happen or it's not that bad or I'm making too much of it, because that's not true either. I didn't say I went around super-angry and man-hating all the time because of this. I'm saying every now and then I get really upset by things I see, read, hear, or experience, and that's what this stemmed out of.
*dance*
He said that I'm obviously very talented and should be doing more than just writing for websites. Sweet, eh? :)
And a reply to Jay's comments:
First of all, it's womEn in media. :p
Second of all, in reply to this:
"I guess they teach you in "WomYn in Media" that the best way to effect change and influence people is to completely disregard the arguements of anyone who may have a differing viewpoint. Unbridled rage channeled into dogmatic self-reinforcing misconceptions and reverse discrimination is how you get things done!"
I wasn't saying that it's a case of completely disregarding the arguments of people with a differing viewpoint. What I'm saying is that just like we can't understand what it feels like to go biking with balls, you can't understand the treatment that we get. You don't get treated like you can't figure out how to turn on a computer when you call IT support, and you don't have your boss walk in and start talking to your male coworker for answers to what's going wrong when you're trying to explain it to him. You have a penis! Therefore, there is a whole section of society that automatically treats you better. I'm not saying everyone does it, because that's not true. I'm not saying that it happens every day, because that's not true either. I'm saying it happens, and it's something that you can't see or understand until it starts happening to you because you're a guy.
I'm also saying, please don't tell me it doesn't happen or it's not that bad or I'm making too much of it, because that's not true either. I didn't say I went around super-angry and man-hating all the time because of this. I'm saying every now and then I get really upset by things I see, read, hear, or experience, and that's what this stemmed out of.
A rant.
There is a kind of impotent, directionless rage with which I get struck every now and then, and I never know how to cope.
It's a rage that men cannot ever truly understand or empathize, regardless of how they may try.
I hate playing the gender card, because I don't believe it in; I do not believe that one gender is more aggressive, more nurturing, more sexual or more sensual. I believe both genders begin equally and are socialized to one direction or another.
So that's why I hate saying to my male friends, "You don't understand/you can't understand/you're not treated this way... because you're a man."
I can't say, "Well, you're not discriminated against because you're anything but white," and be told "You can't see it because you are white," I can say the same to my male compatriots.
Perhaps you don't discriminate against women, or you don't see it happen, or you don't feel the burning, helpless rage that women do when they look at an advertisement that features yet another woman being portrayed as a sexualized pre-teen or show silent, or abused, or helpless... but we do, and it makes us angry!
To have our anger laughed at or mocked or dismissed is sometimes the cruelest move of all, because you are merely showing your lack of true sympathy to our plight. You are downplaying the honest feelings we have in regards to these injustices, and losing our respect. Would you tell a black man who was just asked to sit at another counter that the discrimination he had just experienced was all in his head? What about an advertisement showing him chained and gagged, or with his beaten, bloodied body being used to sell shoes, or cosmetics? Is that still okay? No? Then why is it acceptable to show women in this light?
While a few of these images here and there would be easily dismissed or would at least lead to discussion, debate and consequences, the overwhelming presence of these advertisements builds an image or ideology and reinforces it. It's painful to look at and feel when you are targeted.
All of this anger gets built up, and sometimes it takes a conscious effort to set it aside. Many times have my friends and I left classes shaking, emotionally wound up, or drained and utterly spent.
It's through talking and reading and arguing about it that we feel better, or at least sometimes. In debates with my friends, I can never seem to muster the same arguments and points that I can in class, and that leaves me frustrated and upset, particularly when I'm being mocked or talked over and interrupted (huge pet peeves). It's in my Women and Media class, for example, that debate and discussion is encouraged. It is a place where no one is asking you if it's "that time of the month" if you get angry about something, and your ideas or opinions are never, or at least very rarely, summarily dismissed. This applies to the males in the class, as well.
I look forward to a day when a bad mood isn't speculatively blamed on hormones, when the madonna/whore stereotypes are eliminated, and when men and women listen to women's opinions and explanations on everything from finances to technology, not just cooking or needlework.
But, for now, I'll settle with not being told, "Oh, that doesn't happen." Until you're in my thong, bra and shoes for a week or so, "You can't know, 'cause you're a guy."
There is a kind of impotent, directionless rage with which I get struck every now and then, and I never know how to cope.
It's a rage that men cannot ever truly understand or empathize, regardless of how they may try.
I hate playing the gender card, because I don't believe it in; I do not believe that one gender is more aggressive, more nurturing, more sexual or more sensual. I believe both genders begin equally and are socialized to one direction or another.
So that's why I hate saying to my male friends, "You don't understand/you can't understand/you're not treated this way... because you're a man."
I can't say, "Well, you're not discriminated against because you're anything but white," and be told "You can't see it because you are white," I can say the same to my male compatriots.
Perhaps you don't discriminate against women, or you don't see it happen, or you don't feel the burning, helpless rage that women do when they look at an advertisement that features yet another woman being portrayed as a sexualized pre-teen or show silent, or abused, or helpless... but we do, and it makes us angry!
To have our anger laughed at or mocked or dismissed is sometimes the cruelest move of all, because you are merely showing your lack of true sympathy to our plight. You are downplaying the honest feelings we have in regards to these injustices, and losing our respect. Would you tell a black man who was just asked to sit at another counter that the discrimination he had just experienced was all in his head? What about an advertisement showing him chained and gagged, or with his beaten, bloodied body being used to sell shoes, or cosmetics? Is that still okay? No? Then why is it acceptable to show women in this light?
While a few of these images here and there would be easily dismissed or would at least lead to discussion, debate and consequences, the overwhelming presence of these advertisements builds an image or ideology and reinforces it. It's painful to look at and feel when you are targeted.
All of this anger gets built up, and sometimes it takes a conscious effort to set it aside. Many times have my friends and I left classes shaking, emotionally wound up, or drained and utterly spent.
It's through talking and reading and arguing about it that we feel better, or at least sometimes. In debates with my friends, I can never seem to muster the same arguments and points that I can in class, and that leaves me frustrated and upset, particularly when I'm being mocked or talked over and interrupted (huge pet peeves). It's in my Women and Media class, for example, that debate and discussion is encouraged. It is a place where no one is asking you if it's "that time of the month" if you get angry about something, and your ideas or opinions are never, or at least very rarely, summarily dismissed. This applies to the males in the class, as well.
I look forward to a day when a bad mood isn't speculatively blamed on hormones, when the madonna/whore stereotypes are eliminated, and when men and women listen to women's opinions and explanations on everything from finances to technology, not just cooking or needlework.
But, for now, I'll settle with not being told, "Oh, that doesn't happen." Until you're in my thong, bra and shoes for a week or so, "You can't know, 'cause you're a guy."
2002/11/22
And next article... Sitting in Trees With Boys.
And my rating was at 3! I'm a sexy beast. ;)
I'm off to bed.
Jen and .... sittin' in a tree... K-I-S-S-I-N-G... ;)
And my rating was at 3! I'm a sexy beast. ;)
I'm off to bed.
Jen and .... sittin' in a tree... K-I-S-S-I-N-G... ;)
Dude!
Check this out: LoveInk.com.
So, not only is my article like, the featured article (or so I'm gonna call it), I'm also rated # 5 at the moment of the girls on the site.
*dance*
So, I'm working on my article for tomorrow, I'm all stoked about this extra publicity, and I think this is just the beginning.
I hope.
Fuck. :)
This totally changes the melancholy post I was gonna make today. Damn. ;)
Okay, off to finish up the next article and revel in my fame. ;)
Check this out: LoveInk.com.
So, not only is my article like, the featured article (or so I'm gonna call it), I'm also rated # 5 at the moment of the girls on the site.
*dance*
So, I'm working on my article for tomorrow, I'm all stoked about this extra publicity, and I think this is just the beginning.
I hope.
Fuck. :)
This totally changes the melancholy post I was gonna make today. Damn. ;)
Okay, off to finish up the next article and revel in my fame. ;)
2002/11/21
A few important updates (well, not really important, but fun to mention):
I won the bet!
Boo-yah!
Who da man? Dat's right, I'm da man! And da lady.
(I restrained from putting blink tags around all of that. ;))
Last night was spent celebrating, not for very long though, since it was late, or early, dpending on your point-of-view. That was nice... :)
So today is pretty much a wash as far as school work goes, but I'm still going to give it a shot.
I think Shadow's mad at me on Digger's behalf. I woke up at 11 to go to the bathroom, then I woke up again at 2 to go to the bathroom again, and I could hear Digger howling outside like he was stuck up a tree or in pain or something. He just really wanted in, since he'd been out since likely about 8 or 9. So he came in and wanted all kinds of attention and food and stuff like that, and he's forgiven me, but I think she's still pissed. She hasn't purred at all... and literally as I finished typing that sentence she ran in my room, jumped on my lap and started purring, so I think I'm forgiven all around. :)
I got three of my Ebay purchases, one of them yesterday, two of them (from the same person), today. The two I got today are a Wrinkles moose, and a Wrinkles elephant. I want to give the elephant to my aunt on one level 'cause I'm sure she'd love it, but I also want to keep it for myself 'cause it's too cool. :) I have another moose and small moose that I ordered, I'll probably give those to her, and give this one to my sister, 'cause this one is an exact copy of my aunt's first one, and I don't think she wants twins. :)
So, yeah. I think that's all for now, especially since I have yet to really do anything today. :)
I won the bet!
Boo-yah!
Who da man? Dat's right, I'm da man! And da lady.
(I restrained from putting blink tags around all of that. ;))
Last night was spent celebrating, not for very long though, since it was late, or early, dpending on your point-of-view. That was nice... :)
So today is pretty much a wash as far as school work goes, but I'm still going to give it a shot.
I think Shadow's mad at me on Digger's behalf. I woke up at 11 to go to the bathroom, then I woke up again at 2 to go to the bathroom again, and I could hear Digger howling outside like he was stuck up a tree or in pain or something. He just really wanted in, since he'd been out since likely about 8 or 9. So he came in and wanted all kinds of attention and food and stuff like that, and he's forgiven me, but I think she's still pissed. She hasn't purred at all... and literally as I finished typing that sentence she ran in my room, jumped on my lap and started purring, so I think I'm forgiven all around. :)
I got three of my Ebay purchases, one of them yesterday, two of them (from the same person), today. The two I got today are a Wrinkles moose, and a Wrinkles elephant. I want to give the elephant to my aunt on one level 'cause I'm sure she'd love it, but I also want to keep it for myself 'cause it's too cool. :) I have another moose and small moose that I ordered, I'll probably give those to her, and give this one to my sister, 'cause this one is an exact copy of my aunt's first one, and I don't think she wants twins. :)
So, yeah. I think that's all for now, especially since I have yet to really do anything today. :)
2002/11/20
Thoughts from my head:
I much prefer discussing feminist precepts and concepts in my Women and Media class. There is, at least from my perception, an assumption of at least openness to, if not adherence to, feminist principles and precepts. Tonight, in Theories of CMN, there were women who seemed almost hostile to the concepts and ideals. The arrogant person in my head was busy condemning these people, thinking they were wrong. Maybe I was just tired and upset that the prof seemed to be dismissing or simply ignoring me.
I was thinking about hospitals today, and thinking of something Jay said earlier about buried memories, and I was doing this while feeling tired on the bus and the pieces all fell into place and *poof!*, a buried memory -- well, forgotten one -- surfaced:
I remember they day we were packing to leave Toronto from our band trip to MusicFest (yes, I'm a band geek, and no, there are no, "This one time... at band camp" stories :P), and Sara overpacked her bag or something, and when she went to pick it up, she threw out her back. I remember getting Stefan to come help, because he's a lifeguard and one of Sara's best friends and I thought he'd be more useful than me. I remember Keith, one of the band leaders, driving me to the hospital after the ambulance had taken her and seeing her in the curtained-off room. I remember having to explain to our band leader that there were a few things I'd need for Sara and trying to deal with it the best, least embarrassing way I could. I remember trying to help Sara get dressed, and feeling awkward and useless because I was a bit uncomfortable and didn't want to make her feel awkward and she was sick and hurting and I couldn't do anything to help. I wonder how I would have dealt with things now. Better, I sincerely hope.
I remember waiting in the hallway while she had x-rays taken, and she fell asleep from the painkillers they gave her and I fell asleep in the little waiting room while I was waiting and they had to nudge me awake.
We went to Canada's Wonderland afterwards, along with everyone else, and Sara and I just kinda slugged around and ate some junk food. When we boarded the bus for the ride home, some other girls had taken over our seats. When I moved their stuff back into their original seats, one of them came on as I was finishing and got monstrously bitchy at me for "throwing her stuff about."
I sat for awhile with R, watching Bram Stoker's Dracula, the one with Winona Ryder, and I fell asleep and awake briefly to see a scene of Ryder descending a staircase, heading toward a crypt (I believe), and she was wearing a sheer red gown, under which she was clearly naked.
The bus driver of the bus I'm on (well, was as I was originally writing this) just took a wrong turn, and this stupid women has made severeal comments reinforcing that point. She's sitting almost directly behind the driver, and the way she's acting, even now (waiting for him to make a left turn to get back on track), you'd think she had to be home to stop the imminent onset of WWIII. Okay, I exaggerate, but I still think a little patience and understanding can go a long way -- not that I'm especially displaying those same characteristics now.
The part that makes me laugh at her is that one of the comments she made was "you're gonna miss an awful lot of people... heh heh heh"... yet no one has gotten on or off the bus until well pas the point where we got back on track -- not until easily half-way along the route. Stupid cow. :)
Yesterday in Women and Media, we discussed abortion for a few minutes. It's the first time in awhile that that class made me het up; initially, pretty much all of the classes could -- particularly when we were looking at representations of women in advertising and such (shut up Jay ;)) -- but it's been awhile. My gf showed me her hands were shaking, and I felt somewhat jittery myself, although that may have been aided by my 11:30 a.m. 'snack' of a Kit Kat bar and a can of Coke.
I try to avoid abortion discussions, because... well, for all of the reasons you can think of and more. I'm pro-choice, and there is not a single thing anyone could say, do, or show me to change my mind. I respect that not everyone shares the same view, although they generally have the same strong stance on their position. I respect that others feel differently, and I do my damndest to avoid any discussions that might make it seem as if I'm trying to change their mind.
So, that said... one thing my gf said yesterday that struck me as somewhat vaguely hypocritical has stuck in my craw and I have to have it out on here. I know for a fact that when she and her bf started going out, over a year ago, their first time together was bareback, sans any form of protection, and they consequently had a slight pregnancy scare -- in the sense of, "boy, that was stupid, let's make sure you have a period." At that time, she was aware that if pregnant, the step she was going to more than likely take was an abortion. I don't judge that; if that's what she wants, all the more power to her, and I'd go with her if she wanted a friend there. That said, she said yesterday in class that she was "in theory against abortion" and somewhat used religion to explain it, and the contrast between the two just really kinda annoyed me. Like, you'll take a moral stance on things until you're in that situation where you might need to, in which case you'll go ahead and do it for yourself. Argh. If you're going to have a moral stance on something, stick to it. Or at least acknowledge that while on one level you're against it, on another you'd employ it if you needed to or something. I don't know. Just don't say you're against it and then change your morals to suit your needs.
I used to have discussions with the coworker about abortions, and I think he was upset that, had I gotten pregnant while he and I were together, I'd still have considered it as a serious option. I want to bear any children I might have with someone that I think is going to be in my life for a long time, and not just 'cause I fucked up and got pregnant with him. The coworker was not someone I saw myself with for any real length of time (in fact, I'm surprised it lasted as long as it did), and so I really didn't want to be having kids with him. He was trying to say that he was in favour of abortions for people who needed them, but the language he used in any kind of discussion of the topic -- killing the baby was a favourite phrase -- screamed out to me his actual thoughts on the matter. He tried to argue that at 21, I was able to take care of a child, that I had a job and whatnot and so it wouldn't totally upset my life to have one now... and frankly, I think that was a line of horseshit. I'm finishing up a degree, trying to build a life for myself and get myself on track; the last thing I needed at that point, or even at this one, is to find myself pregnant. I think it's fantastic and incredible and amazing that some women are able to raise a baby and get themselves going, but I know that now, I don't have the maturity or the interest to do the same. And frankly, I don't see him as a particularly good father figure; he has too much growing up himself to do. Plenty of people aren't ready at 30 or older to have kids, and I think it takes a real strength of character to be able to acknowledge that and not bring a dependent little person into the world. Other people are ready at 20 or 25 to have kids, and while that totally boggles my mind that they're ready at that point, I respect that and admire it.
Phew. There's a lot here today, including that post that Blogger didn't want to put up right away. I hope no one minds reading all this... mind you, I guess if you give up on it, I'm not exactly going to know. :) I realized when I was writing on the bus that I do an awful lot of editing on the fly when I sit at the computer and type things out; going back to insert phrases I want to use, correcting spelling mistakes, whatever. My little notebook is full of little carots and asterixes for phrases and thoughts I wanted to insert and forgot at the time. It's much easier to do on the computer. :)
I'm also finding that the more I write, the more I want to write and the more I have to say. My journal, my articles, my novel... they're all a great release when compared to my papers that I have to write for school. It's a good change, cathartic, after having to make and support solid points and be all prissy-languaged and whatnot when I'm writing for school. :)
On that note, I'm off to relax my brain for the evening. Tomorrow I'm going to try to get a head start on the Public Relations paper due Monday. *sigh* It'll end soon, I promise (that's a promise to me, not so much you guys). :)
I much prefer discussing feminist precepts and concepts in my Women and Media class. There is, at least from my perception, an assumption of at least openness to, if not adherence to, feminist principles and precepts. Tonight, in Theories of CMN, there were women who seemed almost hostile to the concepts and ideals. The arrogant person in my head was busy condemning these people, thinking they were wrong. Maybe I was just tired and upset that the prof seemed to be dismissing or simply ignoring me.
I was thinking about hospitals today, and thinking of something Jay said earlier about buried memories, and I was doing this while feeling tired on the bus and the pieces all fell into place and *poof!*, a buried memory -- well, forgotten one -- surfaced:
I remember they day we were packing to leave Toronto from our band trip to MusicFest (yes, I'm a band geek, and no, there are no, "This one time... at band camp" stories :P), and Sara overpacked her bag or something, and when she went to pick it up, she threw out her back. I remember getting Stefan to come help, because he's a lifeguard and one of Sara's best friends and I thought he'd be more useful than me. I remember Keith, one of the band leaders, driving me to the hospital after the ambulance had taken her and seeing her in the curtained-off room. I remember having to explain to our band leader that there were a few things I'd need for Sara and trying to deal with it the best, least embarrassing way I could. I remember trying to help Sara get dressed, and feeling awkward and useless because I was a bit uncomfortable and didn't want to make her feel awkward and she was sick and hurting and I couldn't do anything to help. I wonder how I would have dealt with things now. Better, I sincerely hope.
I remember waiting in the hallway while she had x-rays taken, and she fell asleep from the painkillers they gave her and I fell asleep in the little waiting room while I was waiting and they had to nudge me awake.
We went to Canada's Wonderland afterwards, along with everyone else, and Sara and I just kinda slugged around and ate some junk food. When we boarded the bus for the ride home, some other girls had taken over our seats. When I moved their stuff back into their original seats, one of them came on as I was finishing and got monstrously bitchy at me for "throwing her stuff about."
I sat for awhile with R, watching Bram Stoker's Dracula, the one with Winona Ryder, and I fell asleep and awake briefly to see a scene of Ryder descending a staircase, heading toward a crypt (I believe), and she was wearing a sheer red gown, under which she was clearly naked.
The bus driver of the bus I'm on (well, was as I was originally writing this) just took a wrong turn, and this stupid women has made severeal comments reinforcing that point. She's sitting almost directly behind the driver, and the way she's acting, even now (waiting for him to make a left turn to get back on track), you'd think she had to be home to stop the imminent onset of WWIII. Okay, I exaggerate, but I still think a little patience and understanding can go a long way -- not that I'm especially displaying those same characteristics now.
The part that makes me laugh at her is that one of the comments she made was "you're gonna miss an awful lot of people... heh heh heh"... yet no one has gotten on or off the bus until well pas the point where we got back on track -- not until easily half-way along the route. Stupid cow. :)
Yesterday in Women and Media, we discussed abortion for a few minutes. It's the first time in awhile that that class made me het up; initially, pretty much all of the classes could -- particularly when we were looking at representations of women in advertising and such (shut up Jay ;)) -- but it's been awhile. My gf showed me her hands were shaking, and I felt somewhat jittery myself, although that may have been aided by my 11:30 a.m. 'snack' of a Kit Kat bar and a can of Coke.
I try to avoid abortion discussions, because... well, for all of the reasons you can think of and more. I'm pro-choice, and there is not a single thing anyone could say, do, or show me to change my mind. I respect that not everyone shares the same view, although they generally have the same strong stance on their position. I respect that others feel differently, and I do my damndest to avoid any discussions that might make it seem as if I'm trying to change their mind.
So, that said... one thing my gf said yesterday that struck me as somewhat vaguely hypocritical has stuck in my craw and I have to have it out on here. I know for a fact that when she and her bf started going out, over a year ago, their first time together was bareback, sans any form of protection, and they consequently had a slight pregnancy scare -- in the sense of, "boy, that was stupid, let's make sure you have a period." At that time, she was aware that if pregnant, the step she was going to more than likely take was an abortion. I don't judge that; if that's what she wants, all the more power to her, and I'd go with her if she wanted a friend there. That said, she said yesterday in class that she was "in theory against abortion" and somewhat used religion to explain it, and the contrast between the two just really kinda annoyed me. Like, you'll take a moral stance on things until you're in that situation where you might need to, in which case you'll go ahead and do it for yourself. Argh. If you're going to have a moral stance on something, stick to it. Or at least acknowledge that while on one level you're against it, on another you'd employ it if you needed to or something. I don't know. Just don't say you're against it and then change your morals to suit your needs.
I used to have discussions with the coworker about abortions, and I think he was upset that, had I gotten pregnant while he and I were together, I'd still have considered it as a serious option. I want to bear any children I might have with someone that I think is going to be in my life for a long time, and not just 'cause I fucked up and got pregnant with him. The coworker was not someone I saw myself with for any real length of time (in fact, I'm surprised it lasted as long as it did), and so I really didn't want to be having kids with him. He was trying to say that he was in favour of abortions for people who needed them, but the language he used in any kind of discussion of the topic -- killing the baby was a favourite phrase -- screamed out to me his actual thoughts on the matter. He tried to argue that at 21, I was able to take care of a child, that I had a job and whatnot and so it wouldn't totally upset my life to have one now... and frankly, I think that was a line of horseshit. I'm finishing up a degree, trying to build a life for myself and get myself on track; the last thing I needed at that point, or even at this one, is to find myself pregnant. I think it's fantastic and incredible and amazing that some women are able to raise a baby and get themselves going, but I know that now, I don't have the maturity or the interest to do the same. And frankly, I don't see him as a particularly good father figure; he has too much growing up himself to do. Plenty of people aren't ready at 30 or older to have kids, and I think it takes a real strength of character to be able to acknowledge that and not bring a dependent little person into the world. Other people are ready at 20 or 25 to have kids, and while that totally boggles my mind that they're ready at that point, I respect that and admire it.
Phew. There's a lot here today, including that post that Blogger didn't want to put up right away. I hope no one minds reading all this... mind you, I guess if you give up on it, I'm not exactly going to know. :) I realized when I was writing on the bus that I do an awful lot of editing on the fly when I sit at the computer and type things out; going back to insert phrases I want to use, correcting spelling mistakes, whatever. My little notebook is full of little carots and asterixes for phrases and thoughts I wanted to insert and forgot at the time. It's much easier to do on the computer. :)
I'm also finding that the more I write, the more I want to write and the more I have to say. My journal, my articles, my novel... they're all a great release when compared to my papers that I have to write for school. It's a good change, cathartic, after having to make and support solid points and be all prissy-languaged and whatnot when I'm writing for school. :)
On that note, I'm off to relax my brain for the evening. Tomorrow I'm going to try to get a head start on the Public Relations paper due Monday. *sigh* It'll end soon, I promise (that's a promise to me, not so much you guys). :)
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