Oops, didn't mean to post that here. Ignore that post... it's supposed to be on unCultured.com.

I need to do updates, but I just haven't felt like writing much over the last little while. I completely avoided my 8:30 class on Tuesday morning; didn't feel like getting up, didn't feel that I needed to be there. Normally I'd get up at 6:30 for it, and leave the house at 7:30... I woke up at 11:30 when my mom called. :) I'm sure that going to bed at 2 didn't help, but I likely could have woken up if I had tried.

Been having arguments/disagreements (not strong enoughto call fights) with the boys: the ex- and the coworker. I went and saw the pizza guy last Wednesday and hung out with him for a bit. Coworker is telling me he wants a defined relationship, because he does't like that we can both just drop each other at a moment's notice with our current arrangement. I'm wondering about telling him that I want some time before I do devote myself to that kind of relationship. I don't know.

The ex- is being kinda frustrating. He's telling me that he misses me and thinks about sleeping with me and blah blah blah... and then is staying with his girlfriend. I told him he keeps headfucking me and it's really pissing me off and I don't want it anymore. He was getting upset with me because last night I didn't have a lot to say to him, and I told him it's 'cause our conversations keep following the same pattern, which is true. I'll log on, and it's like this:
Him: allloooo?
Me: Lo
Him: how goes?
Me: Bleh... (blah blah blah).

Okay, so that's a really crummy way of showing how the conversations follow the same pattern, but those first four lines are predictable as hell. Then it's usually him asking me how school is, how work is, what I'm up to... *sigh* I mean, c'mon. I've known this guy on and off for about 8 years. We've dated on and off for about 4 years of that. Can't we have a better conversation than that?

And I keep winding up taking digs at him for his girlfriend, or he gets upset with me because of the coworker, or because I won't tell him back that I want to sleep with him, or I wind up boosting his ego because he thinks he's ugly, or no one will sleep with him or whatever... why the fuck am I the one that has to boost his ego? Can't he go to his Toronto friends or his girlfriend or something? Doesn't he understand how much of a headfuck it is for me to be the one to do this?!

Boys are stupid. :P

And the other guy at work seemed like he was reinstating his proposition the other day. I mean, I like the guy and all, I'm flattered that he still wants to sleep with me, but what about the people who are my age that might want to date me? Or am I some psycho, unattractive, boring, smelly hosebeast or something and no one will tell me? Gee, I'm really honoured that you want to sleep with me, but y'know what? You've found someone else to sleep with and I know the main reason you're asking me again is 'cause she appears to want more from you than just a casual fuck now and then... and quite frankly, I'm difficult to get off and I don't know if you're up to the task.

Fuck.

Maybe I'll just bloody well tell everyone to piss off. Or maybe I'll do something or another to completely kill off my libido and eliminate this problem. :)

Anyhow, I gotta dig out my clarinet and get ready to head off to school. Going to a senior's home to play clarinet and hang with them for a few hours this afternoon for one of my classes. Hopefully the time will pass quickly; other than my grandparents, I tend to have very little exposure to senior's, and these poor ones are Alzheimer's patients. I hope it's going to be okay. I definitely won't be able to spend 3 hours playing, especially as I'm terribly out of practice. I hope I don't sound terrible!