A part of me tonight just wanted to keep driving.


Ouaf. Busy time lately, not even including the epic ending. :P

Quick story - I just suggested to Ben that we need to pound people in the head with bricks. After typing that, I looked at the song playing on Launchcast, and it was "Another bag of bricks." Weird, but cool. :)


Vaguely funny - this morning, while in discussion with PF again about what's going on, and getting to hear the semi-hurtful phrase, "just last night (the paramedic) was telling me how happy he is being single again", I was simultaneously arranging a date for Saturday.

Now, to follow up on my joking plans that I was making with OFK last night to go and have some nostrings headbanging sex. I suggested that, it being the summer (for the uni kids, at least), D was probably back in town...

I like to say things to make myself laugh sometimes. Like gazebo. Or mukluk. Blubber! Macademia!

Few of you will actually get that, but whatever. The day is half-over, the week is half-over, the glass is half-full. My friends have been great, I've been really busy socializing, and I'm looking to continue this trend - so if you're up for plans tomorrow (or maybe even tonight), gimme a shout. Even if we've never met! Let's make this a dating extravaganza and so on. :)


I want to be an alcoholic.

I've been wondering for awhile what I want to do with my life, and I've decided it. I want to be an alcoholic.

Most things in life are just a little bit better when viewed through the bottom of a glass - or four - and well, it's good. Booze is good. Being tipsy/drunk is good. Feeling no pain is good. Meeting random strangers on the bus and having them tell you they love you is good.

I see no flaws in this plan. If you're looking for me, I'll be at the bottom of another glass.

Man, could I sound any more pathetic right now? Basically, in short... I don't think I drink enough. I gotta stop looking down on those who do - if for no other reason than because I currently wholeheartedly support the idea of the drinking!

I just think there needs to be fewer hangover consequences. Not that that's usually an issue for me, though.

Right now, I believe that nothing will come of the email I sent. Rationally, I knew that all along. Regardless, I had to send it. I know there are reasons for what happened that I will never learn, and that really sucks. However, that's the nature of guys -- they never like to tell you everything. That's what happened with J and I, and that's what's happened here.

For that, men are assholes.

Granted, I'm not perfect. I haven't always been 100% honest when I've been the one to end things, but at least I don't use vague asstastic reasons like, "We didn't speak much one night and so that led me to thinking about how that's a bad thing in a couple" and "it's just not as much fun as it used to be" -- especially not after driving out to see a boy for 2 hours in the morning, and telling him he's perfect and that he was everything I wanted AND SO ON.

So I sent the email and explained how the pill that I've been on has fucked up my mental chemistry and my friends have commented on it and how I haven't been myself the last while. I explained to you how things were due to change because I had a new prescription and I was going to be starting it yesterday, or a week from now. I explained all of that, but you just don't care. You won't respond, and part of me thinks that's the assiest thing yet. You made up your mind and now things are over, and I just have to deal with that -- as PF said, I have to cry, talk to my friends, and move on.

Well, I'm good at moving on. I've done it *a lot* in the last umpteen years of dating. I've done it every time something that was good and had meaning to me has ended. Sometimes I cared more than others. This time around, it's once again comparable to the way things were with J; a vague, crap-ass reason for ending things that I'm just supposed to accept, that I can't fight, that I can't debate... but at least he talked to me about it. You, well, I haven't heard from you since you left my doorstep after five minutes of conversation with a bunch of (insincere (here's a sign I'm drunkish, I had to ask how to spell that)) "I'm sorrys" and so long! person who's been a part of my life for the last few months.

Maybe later I'll feel foolish that I opened up to you and felt so comfortable with you and let down most of my guards with you. Maybe later I'll be upset that once again, things have ended and it wasn't my choice and I thought things could've probably continued. Maybe later I'll be hurt and I'll bawl my eyes out and I'll rant and rage against men and swear off them again and decide again on lesbianism or something other half-hearted swearing, like celibacy.

But for now... for now I'm just tired. I'm tired of being here, I'm tired of feeling hurt, I'm tired of crying over someone that doesn't appreciate me the way my friends feel I deserve to be appreciated. So for decent stretches of time right now, I don't much care. Sure, I asked you to reconsider in my email, to look at things again in light of new facts, but I knew, I knew rationally, I knew logically, I knew in my brain and my heart and those other parts of me that supposedly think, that it wasn't going to happen. If PF was so intent on telling me not to bother, on asking me what my point was to all of this, on telling me to move on and not expect a response, and etc., etc., I knew it was fruitless. I know that when a couple breaks up, they usually don't get back together again. I've had it happen in my past, I've seen it in the relationships of others.

See, I've dated a fair bit. Not enough to be promiscuous; one night stands were never my goal. My elusive holy grail has always been -- at least once I got older and realized that dating isn't nearly what I thought it would be -- the relationship. The match with someone well-suited to me. The partnership, the sharing of interests, the introducing one another to new things, the sharing of experiences and so on.

I thought you and I had that, I really did. My friends all liked you, they all thought we were well-suited, they commented on how happy I was, after so long of being just content (or unhappy; they never really spelled it out). They suffered through long bouts of me expousing your good points, what you said, what we last did, and so on. They were happy for me - I was happy for me. I'd found someone I really clicked with after such a long period of trying to fit a size 12 ass into a size 10 pair of jeans. It might work, but it's never going to be really pretty, or comfortable.

If I sound really upset during all of this, if you think I'm crying right now, you're mistaken. I did cry, last night. I cried more than I would've liked, and I had a few close calls today, but I held on. See, I hate crying, and I hate crying over something fruitless. Sure, crying never solves anything, but in a situation like this, it's going to solve even less.

Instead, knowing how I work, what's going to happen is I'm going to build up some kind of frustration and I'm going to wind up focusing on all of your distasteful points, and I'm going to dislike you. I'm not going to hate you, because I don't really hate anyone in my past, or at least no one comes to mind. No, I'm just going to move on and you'll become yet another part of my past relationships that suck. I'd like to say that I'll forget you, but honestly, there's no one in my past that I've dated for any length of time that I've actively forgotten. No, my brain isn't that kind to me. I'll remember you with positive thoughts, I'm sure, but for now... for now I'm just kinda mad at you, when I'm not feeling sad and impotent about the whole thing.

Then again, maybe this is all just drunken rambling. I'm good at that -- ask Big A.


This is old, but it was one of those email posts that never showed up, and it'll do for now until I actually do get around to making a real post. I kinda don't feel like it right now, but in brief, unless things turn around in the next few days, I'm single once more.

Okay, so I took the "Would you make a good Jehovah's Witness?" quiz, and I answered honestly (except for the car thing; there I put down my mom's car, since it's the one I drive most often... since the paramedic doesn't trust me behind the wheel of his car, or is just protective of his car, which is also fair).

As for the recreation question, I ballparked *low* - I was thinking mostly of family time in that. Recreation would be a fair bit higher.

Anyhow, I've posted here what my results were, and this quiz had led me to believe that Joho's are scary, scary, scary people.


You are 20% Jehovah's Witness!
You have some serious changes to make before you can be baptized as a Jehovah's Witness. Your attitude will likely get you labeled as a rebel. Parents will not encourage their children to hang around you or your children, unless there is reason to believe they can help you become a better Jehovah's Witness. It is unlikely that you will ever really fit in at the Kingdom Hall.

-- Your answers and some commentary follow --
How do you view the Bible? The Bible is bunk This is not good. The Jehovah's Witnesses believe that the Bible is fully-inspired of God. They believe that "the" Bible is the collection of 66 books found in the King James version, though they also feel that their own unique translation is the best one available. If you can't accept Noah's Ark, people conversing with donkeys, and people being executed for lying about real estate transactions, then JW's probably aren't for you.

What is the most important quality you look for in a church leader? Honesty, Integrity You might not fit in so well at a Kingdom Hall. Jehovah's Witnesses choose their leaders based first on quantities of service, then qualities listed in the Bible. Honest men of integrity that don't spend enough time in the door-to-door preaching work, or don%2


Wow. Asshat.

eiram Highway
Contentment Meadows14
Bog of Eternal Marriage59
Please Drive Carefully

Where are you on the highway of life?

From Go-Quiz.com


*sigh* Just managed to clear another post. I hate when I do that, especially since this format doesn't have a 'safety' feature. Damnit.


Two things:

1. Updated Angry Apostrophe with "Only You," a story I started back in February. Let me know what you think, as always -- and the site itself supports comments.

2. I just discovered that James Marsters will be appearing at the Canadian National Science Fiction Expo (details aren't yet up on the site, like ticket prices) in Toronto, from August 26-28th (at least, those are the dates of the event). Plus, he'll be doing a concert performance. Do I hear a... ROAD TRIP!?

Ooh yeah. I'm sure the bf won't mind if I leave him behind so I can try to have dirty dirty sex with a guy over twice my age. After all, my birthday is just three days prior -- consider it the ultimate birthday gift. ;)

Which could be a hint to everyone to start pitching in - at least, once I find out how much this will cost me. After all, you let me down on the Hallowe'en-England trip, where I could've gotten to touch him, and David Boreanaz -- who knows if I'll have the same opportunity here?! I'm sure I'll make it work. ;)

Oh, do I ever need a life. ;)
Oh yeah, a few things I'd forgotten to mention... the bf and I had a table right beside the window during dinner, so I spent a decent amount of time watching people go by. At one point, after we'd finished eating, I had myself a little stretch, with my arms out to the sides behind my head (hands linked). There were two men walking towards me along the sidewalk outside, and I happened to be inadvertantly meeting the gaze of one of them as he walked by. Just before he moved out of my field of vision, he winked at me -- and so I started laughing, then had to explain what was going on to the boy. It's harmless stuff like that that amuses me and boosts the confidence a little. :)

And my goal of going for a run this morning was somewhat trumped by the beasts. They decided to spend a great deal of time playing around with I don't know what in my bedroom this morning -- and then when my alarms went off this morning, they were too tired to move and let me get up. I know that sounds like an excuse, but I'm fairly serious -- Thena was lying on my arm and wouldn't move. :P

Then, as I was getting dressed this morning, I discovered a dress of mine underneath the bed -- and it's one that I haven't touched since last summer, so I know the brats are to blame... and it wasn't there last night when I was making the bed. Damn cats are gonna get locked out of the bedroom one of these nights, and not just 'cause the boy is sleeping over... I was tempted to do so this morning, but I couldn't bring myself to haul my ass outta bed. I've learned, too, that when I lock Thena out, she spends time sticking her legs under the door, which makes really annoying noises... damn cats.

I promise to be more interesting later. What can I say? My life just isn't that exciting. :)
I have random deep thoughts running through my head, but it's already past my bedtime, so they'll have to just die a little death with me (if you know that French expression, there's a little thought about what I might be up to after I finish up this post). Instead of my frequent Sunday night ritual of coming home and playing video games (or sometimes amusing the bf, shut up your dirty minds right now), I did some housekeeping - moved items back into the previously-flooded closet, cleaned out the cats' litterbox, swept out the kitchen, and dealt with garbage... plus put some dishes through the dishwasher (yeah, I'm lazy), and made up the bed with fresh sheets. Life is *exciting* when you move out on your own!

But what a sense of accomplishment. I'm a huge procrastinator, so it's the little things in which I take pride and pleasure. I even procrastinate doing things I enjoy, like reading and writing - how sad is that? (Which reminds me, must plug in PDA and move some of the new books onto it). Back in two.

Also remembered to grab and hide mp3 player from voracious cat teeth. You never know when they'll decide their diets are once again lacking in headphones... damn cats.

Can't entirely remember when I last updated, not too concerned enough to check. Friday was the bf's BBQ/dance party/eating food-hang out as planned by his roommates and himself. The evening seemed to go well -- I spent it hanging out with him and a few of his paramedic coworkers. From my perspective it was fun; one of them (who shares his name) said that it was a pleasure to finally meet me, and that he'd heard a great deal about me -- but of course, my prying hasn't yielded any details about what those facts might have been. The bf is quite tight-lipped about what he tells anyone about me, beyond my name and what I do for a living. Whoop de doo. :P

I had a couple of Smirnoffs, and the sad part was how much I was feeling them after just the first. I was semi-tipsy that night, and I might've managed to convince some guys I didn't know that I shared the same name as my bf and his coworker (a male name not given to women), but I'm not certain. That was the part of the evening when we were saying goodbye to the bf's friends, and various people that he didn't know were showing up... then his second roommate left for the night (the first already had), leaving behind a house full of people that the bf didn't know. Needless to say, we didn't go out, and they were gone by the time we headed upstairs the next day, around noon. And someone had cleaned up, so that was kind of them.

Saturday I had to go and spend my government windfall, so I bought some clothes at Laura Petites - a pair of pinstripe dress pants, a funky print shirt, and a Chinese-style dress that actually looks nice on me (most of them don't), and some jeans at Bluenotes. Then I managed to pick up a bunch of video games at EB, including a Taiko drum kit for $10 -- everything you need, drum and game, for $10. The opening song is reason enough to buy it.

The bf and I spent some time testing out my various video games, including failing miserably at Mad Maestro (and here he mocked me for playing the kid's play version), but we had fun with the drum game. Then ensued a conversation whereby he revealed that he thought I wanted to break up with him because I was in a bit of an odd mood for much of the day, and I quickly reassured him that wasn't the case -- that in fact, there are plenty of times where I feel inadequate for him, seeing as how I feel I'm lacking in something that he needs or wants. He told me that he hadn't found anything yet that I was lacking, and both of our moods seemed to pick up from there.

We went out for dinner; originally we were going to have fast food Thai, but there seemed to be a large line-up, so we had some great Indian food instead. I stuffed myself, told him a bit about UBFM (though bugger if I can really remember how he came up) and also why there is someone I no longer consider a friend (and he agreed with me on why), and also detailed issues for him surrounding someone else in my life. Apparently if the bf were around when something problematic were to take place, there would either be a stern look or stern talking-to to the other person involved... and if the same were to happen to someone to whom the bf happened to be married, then it would be very bad. Kinda fun having someone on my side like that -- it's also amusing that he threatens people when I jokingly flirt with or compliment them. :)

He headed home after dinner, and I spent some time playing video games, cross stitching, and watching X-Men before going to bed. Nothing too exciting, but I'd already had a fairly full day. :)

Today wasn't too much, either -- slept in, did some laundry tried to roller-skate and realized I value my body too much... the bf came to give me my mp3 player and drove me in to work, and told me that roller-blading is much easier. I know I can ice skate without any problems whatsoever, so maybe... I just remember not having that easy a time of it in my sister's blades, although I don't think I fell down at any point. If I didn't think he'd spend the whole time laughing at me, I'd consider asking him to teach me. :P Although I've had other people volunteer to teach me, so maybe I'll ask one of them.

I'm also attempting to set up some kind of goal/reward system for myself. No food rewards, since that defeats the purpose of me eating better, but I'm trying to use my 'fun' things to do as rewards. So, if I manage to drag my ass out of bed for a run tomorrow morning, I'll go tanning at the gym tomorrow night. Otherwise, it's running at the gym -- and if I do that, then it's less time spent at home and so on. So we'll see how this works. After all, I have my newly-acquired belly dance/pilates video that I have to incorporate into my laughable workout regime -- it's another alternative to running/weights/punching bag/roller-skating? I also need to go home and get my bike.

Anyhow, this has degenerated somewhat, and there's certainly little of substance for you all to read, so I'm off. I'll let you know how tomorrow morning goes. :P


And if you get a chance, read this strip, Mom's Cancer. It won't be up for too long, and it's really ... impressive.
Also, because I like to hoard the good news to myself - I got word yesterday that I had been accepted to the Masters' program at my alma matter.

I'll be doing a Masters of Arts in Communications, with a focus in media studies. I think I'm qualified. :)


So, the view has been put to me that I am in need of more sleep. This is something that a few people have said - and the weird thing is, I didn't feel like I was depriving myself that much of it. Sure, on some occasions (last night springs to mind, for example), but most nights I'm in bed by midnight and up around 7. Then again, Sunday's 11-hour sleepathon should probably demonstrate to me that I'm depriving myself somewhere... that and passing out for an hour at my desk yesterday. That was nice, though. :)

Tuesday afternoon I had my interview. As always with these things, I feel that I probably blew it. The bf drove me to it and then picked me up from it, and we went back to my place so I could change into real people clothes, bake cookies, then head out for dinner. I was vaguely tired, but a little too keyed up (or not interested enough) to take a nap. Instead, I baked cookies for PF, who was coming out with us for dinner.

We had our weekly Pho ritual with Ben, Ben's gf, Eric, the paramedic and then PF, and after that we went to a scary park to play some Frisbee. I got wound up, yelling stupid things and fake-flashing people, including talking about how I prefer to be on the bottom out of laziness or something of the sort... I forget now, but it was really funny at the time.

Eventually I got tired of hurting my hands and just kept sticking my feet out to try to stop the Frisbee, and I enjoyed making Ben wince by fake-dragging it along the ground. The bf yelled out helpful things like, "Catch it, hon!" and "Jump, hon!" when the Frisbee went far beyond me, so I joined in the abuse and did my best to aim the Frisbee over his head as often as I could. :)

After Frisbee, we were considering going to go out to play video games, but the bf was too knackered, so he invited us out to my place for video games there. :) En route back to the cars, the boys talked over weekend plans, and I was informed that I was invited - including a bbq Friday the bf was insistent he'd told me about, but that I hadn't been told anything about. It's been worked out, though. :)

We played some video games, played some Trivial Pursuit 90s edition - and here it was established that the boys live in caves - PF molested my poor kitties (Venus especially), and then they left. I was so tired I could've gone to bed at 9:00, or so I felt. :P I got to bed a bit before midnight, and was back off to work.

Yesterday was fairly calm - I managed a long nap across my lunch hour, which was good and bad. And that was after a coffee. :P

Ah well... last night I went to see Sahara with the boy after my training session, 'cause we haven't been out in a little bit (aside from dinners), and we both wanted to see it. I managed to get the dumb line for my candy purchase, and he did something that slowed up the whole dinner process, but we managed to get food, candy, seats and so on eventually.

So Sahara was pretty good, and unlike the last movie I saw in theatres, Sin City, there weren't any parts I had to look away. :) The only part that made me go "Gah!" out loud was one involving a knife and some hands - and of course, that's just one of my squicks. Subsequent shots seems to show that the injury hadn't actually happened, so that was okay.

Afterwards, we went to the bookstore so that the bf could get a book he was looking for, and I spent some time saying hi to former coworkers/bosses. One of the coworkers sort of brought up a past story involving D, and I shared it again with the bf later, and I reflected on how it was a shame that some people aren't open-minded enough about issues; that they have to laugh at other people for what they happen to enjoy. Just because it isn't someone's cup of tea, doesn't mean it's wrong. Within reason.

And sure, I have my list of "OMG, I really don't ever want to try that!" or "Umm... somewhat icky" but I try to keep from putting down those who might be into something of the sort. Ah well, there are many reasons I don't miss working there.

The rest of the evening was pretty decent, though my mood took a bit of a downturn and I wound up inside my head - and I'm still somewhat there now, as this morning's post may indicate. Nothing horrid, just some stuff on my mind that I think is there because of lack of sleep (and possibly stupid birth control). Or at least, that's why it's staying there. I'll live, I'm sure.

I have a gaming session tonight that's going to be fairly painful, I think. I'm just zonked, and the evening is going to be another late one, I suspect... and then my kitties haven't seen much of me this week, and aren't likely to see much of me this weekend... I'm a bad mom. :(
It's like somehow, somewhere, there's a part of me that wants to push things and test them and force them into something different, in order to change them and screw them up. I don't understand why... Why is there this self-destructive streak? Where is the part of my brain that has to analyze and question and doubt and test everything? Why wasn't this around and useful when I was in university?

And no, I'm not even analyzing what you think I am. This is me, it's internal, it's me being up in my head - never a good place for me to be. Goodie.


Whore's Boudoir updated. Also, I have another article written that will get posted later next week - I have to spread out the love, you see. There are also ideas for others... could it be that the WB is to be resurrected!? Tune it to find out!

As well, later I'll have more updates here. Nothing quite so epic as the last entry, the one that I know you are all dutifully slogging through, except for Carl - he is my favourite internet stalker/lurker/reader - and he's cute. He gets gold stars. :)


Gah, where to begin? Weekend of craziness. Allow me to try to quickly quickly summarize so that I can get around to actually studying for the interview I have tomorrow. Here's hoping I get some time tomorrow at work to study, too.

I think I owe some other backtracking, too, actually.

Right - Friday was book club.

And shut up with your, "The first rule of book club is you don't talk about book club." I've heard that joke a few times.

Anyhow, this month was Tom Sawyer, and last month was The Tiger Claw, and we talked over both of them. We covered last month's book because last month's meeting was cancelled. I never finished Tiger Claw, and just barely finished Tom Sawyer, due to an impromptu (but much-loved) nap that I had Thursday night, but I made it through in the end.

After book club, I wound up hanging out with N, and she and I had a great conversation about relationships, friendships, sex (in general) and so on. She dropped me off at the bus station a little after 1, I got home a little after 2, and got to ride the bus with the drunken crowd. No problems, in fact there were some courteous people on the bus, but they were smelly of booze and smoke. Not the most pleasant event.

As I got off the bus, rather than do the loop down and under, I jaywalked across the bus route and heard some girls behind me saying they were going to follow me, that I seemed to know where I was going. I wound up walking with them more or less to my street, and listening to their conversation - mostly them talking about the cold, and talking about one's girl's apartment, their destination. At that point, she turned to me and said that I now knew where she lived, and I said that was okay, she was about to see where I lived, and that I was more interested in getting inside where it was warm, than stalking her tonight. Problem solved. :)

I went straight to bed, only to get up just before 9 the next morning to take Thena to the vet for her feleuk booster. She jumped in her carrier 10 minutes before we were due to leave, so with 5 minutes to go I zipped it up, and we sat outside in the sun to wait for the cab - which was late. So she got restless. :P And once the cabbie finally arrived, it was another of the crabby ones, "Did you tell them where you were going!?" Argh. The last time that happened, I hadn't, 'cause they hadn't asked. This time, I had - but they hadn't asked about whether or not I had a pet. Their problem, not mine. :P Ah well.

Got her home, put her out on her harness, grabbed some breakfast, then headed back out (after getting her in) to get my haircut. Always nice. :) I mentioned to her that the paramedic had seen old Hallowe'en photos of me in which I had red hair, and that I might eventually go to red, and she said immediately that she knew what shade she was going to do. I like my hairdresser. :)

It was on my way home from the hairdresser (and some grocery-shopping) that my first of crazy events took place. I called Shawn on my cell, since he'd called me earlier and I'd had to let him go, and while we were talking, I became aware of the fact that a few feet to my left was an older Chinese man, who was busy slapping his crotch and yelling -- in French -- at some other Chinese man (or young Caucasian guy, I was never entirely clear) who was standing a few feet to my right. The crotch-slapper kept calling the mysterious other man "Un Communiste!" and various other stuff I didn't catch, and the young caucasian guy was *screaming* with laughter into his phone and saying, "And I thought it was crazy in Toronto!" and the older guy just kept on slapping his crotch. He started wandering away, but then took to bending over and just sticking his butt out at the assembled masses, then took to patting it a few times, and then finally left. For Shawn's sake, I narrated all of this in the phone.

My trainer had called to cancel our appointment, so I was able to go home and do some dishes, throw Thena outside, and relax. I put Venus on her harness and leash, and Thena was having fun grabbing the handle of the leash and tugging on it - it really looked like she was trying to convince Venus to go outside and join her, especially when Venus was under the kitchen table. :) She didn't really spend much time outside, but I think I'm slowly convincing her. Thena, on the other hand, loved having me out there, and spent a great deal of time pressed up against me, and/or rolling in the dirt. Yay. :P

After awhile, I went inside to watch Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, which I'd rented. Half-way through, Ben called to invite me out to dinner, so off I went with him and his girlfriend.

Here's where the second crazy part of the day took place. We parked the car down a side street, then started walking up to where the restaurant was (on the main drag and over half a block). After a few feet, we were passed by someone who asked the time. I'd forgotten my watch at home, and the others weren't wearing one, so we guessed at the time for the guy.

Now. I cannot properly articulate or transcribe the conversation that took place, for many many reasons. For one, I want to get to studying and go to bed soon. For two, I was too busy laughing during parts of it to truly understand what was going on. For three, I didn't even understand what was really going on - and neither did Ben or his SO. For four... there was no sense to that which was discussed. Just believe me when I say this whole conversation flowed about as well as I'm illustrating it here, and it took somewhere in the realms of 10-15 minutes to actually unfold. For your sake, I'm just going to use jot notes to try to get it across:

* Asked us what time it was
* Talked about how hot the weather was (now earlier that day, I'd seen someone in a full parka with the hood up, so I guess one man's heat is another man's cold)
* Told us where he was from (which I've since blocked from memory) and talked about how this temperature is winter there
* Talked, I think, about the gay marriage protests that are going on. None of us quite figured out what his position was - for or against
* Talked about how two women (Ben's SO and I) or two guys (Ben and our friend) couldn't marry
* Talked about how he thought Ben's SO and I were a couple, then talked about how he thought I was Ben's girlfriend (I think because we were dressed slightly alike - i.e., both wearing black t-shirts with white writing, and I had on a black jacket)
* Talked about how Ben's SO "shines," and that I would always be loyal to her
* Said we'd all make a happy family
* Also mentioned in there that he thought Ben and I were brother and sister
* Told us that he was Muslim, that he wasn't allowed to do various things (including drinking, which we're fairly certain he'd been doing), including stand too close to a woman, then apologized to Ben for having shook and mimed kissing his SO's hand - this was after he'd already done it
* Shook all of our hands and asked our names, mimed kissing my hand (but thankfully didn't do it)
* Told us to start walking to our destination, and said he'd walk with us, whereby he segued "seamlessly" into the Iraq war (we think)
* Talked about how we should say hi next time we see him, that everyone knows him and says hi
* Said that next time, he'd like to join us for dinner and buy us a huge meal
* Pointed out that he was wearing a hat, that he wasn't bald, that he was 42 (?) and had all of his hair, but that he hadn't showered that day

... and I'm *sure* I'm forgetting much of it. During the first few minutes, I spent a lot of time laughing into my hand. I'm not sure he noticed. During the last few minutes, I was very ready to say that we were late to meet our friend for dinner - I was worried he was going to follow us into the restaurant. Thankfully, he didn't. Weird day.

We had some great Asian-blend food, then headed over to the ass end of town to join up with Shawn, Gord, Jacob and random others to play some really bad games of bowling. Mostly it was a lot of groping, heckling, dancing, and more groping. Good times had by all.

I did manage to convince the paramedic to come out and join us for a bit, although he showed up shortly before people decided to start leaving (though in the end, we still had at least a half hour of gaming time left). I groped Shawn, he threatened Shawn, I groped him, he groped me, he threatened me, he groped Shawn... it was all good. I'm sure someone wound up pregnant as a result. He drove me home, we hung out for just under an hour, then off he went, and I finished watching my movie. I went to bed around midnight, slept until 11 on Sunday, and seemed to catch up on most of my missed sleep. :)

Sunday I went to the gym and worked out with my trainer, came home, loaded up my new mp3 player (I traded in my old and busted 128 RCA Lyra for the 256 RCA Lyra), then headed back downtown for work. Work was boring, I was crabby. My mood picked up later, and then I wasn't well for a few minutes (note to self: you know that chugging hot chocolate doesn't work, stop doing it), then went downstairs and met up with the paramedic, who was picking me up.

We got back to my place to discover that, long story short, a small section of my apartment was flooded. Not too awful, I was able to cope, but the gross part was that I hadn't swept up the loose litter, and I use the clumping stuff... so I couldn't just throw down towels and be done with it. :P Plus, as soon as I had it all mopped up, more came out - this was fun. :P

I called the company that owns my building, and left a message on their main line, plus one of their emergency numbers (someone hung up on me at the other one). This was around midnight. They called me back at 2 a.m., saying that it was too late to call the unit next door (where the water was coming from, seeing as how my toilet and pipes were fine, and I don't have a magical well in either of my storage closets) -- but it wasn't too late to call me?! -- but that they'd call them in the morning, and hopefully get someone out there around 8, etc. They also asked if I still had a problem, which is when I went out into the hallway and skidded in the newly-formed large puddle, temporarily hurting my foot... yes, there was still a problem.

So they called me around 6 a.m. (after I got to sleep finally around 3 a.m.), telling me that the good news was that it wasn't my unit, that the other unit had had a hot water tank blow up and die. Some of you may remember my tales of my old apartment, where just this thing happened... :P *sigh* Fortunately, the damage this time was much less, and by the morning most of it had even evaporated.

So she called me again at 7, asking if I'd called her, to which I said no, and then she said that the guy was next door and would probably be coming by later to help me clean up. I called my manager, said I was going to be late, turned off my alarms and went back to bed. If the guy came by, I never heard it. :P

I got up just after 9, the paramedic drove me in for about 11, and the day continued in the stupid vein. But it worked out in the end - especially when I got to tell one of my higher bosses that this "fixing" they're trying to put in place is totally *not* helping things, and in fact has broken the whole process even worse, and so he and I are going to talk about it later.

Also, there was some kind of bomb threat/anthrax scare, but I was unaffected. Lucky us, they made an announcement on my floor saying that, "everything's fine now, just stay away from the area" - we were all, "uh, what? and where?" but gossip got around.

Back to the gym, where I leg-pressed 500 lbs, for I am a *machine*, and then I went home, where I finally got the paramedic's present. And he's not going to know what it is until I give it to him, but suffice it to say, it'll go over well. I am the awesomest. :)

Tomorrow I have the oral interview, which I am not studying for - in fact, I watched Without a Paddle, ate dinner, and am now updating here, instead of studying for it, because I am stupid - but the paramedic is picking me up and driving me there, and then I will escape the tyranny of work and not go back. Hah! Also, I will kick total and absolute ass there, so I can get the job and be hired and be happier. And so on.

I'm slowly getting to know the paramedic better and more deeply, and that's pretty cool. Somewhere I have it in my head that this whole process is supposed to move quickly, and I don't get it - I guess because in a lot of cases with friends I've gotten to know them really well really quickly, and I forget that it doesn't always work that way. Or doesn't have to, either.

I talked to my mom for awhile today, since it was her birthday, and she seemed ... oddly skeptical about things between us. She did say that she wouldn't judge, because she hadn't met him, but that's never stopped anyone before. My mom's also made the point, twice lately, of saying that she liked ex-boyfriend J - which is odd, 'cause she never really said anything at the time, and I'm buggered if I know why it would come up again now. I was telling her about the conversation Jay and I had about how his loss was my (and the bf's) gain, and that the bf treats me even better, and she said that she thought J treated me fairly well - and so I said, yes, he did (in that he treated me better than many other exes, but I think she just likes that he cleaned her car - though his reasons for doing it weren't to impress her, just that he's a neat freak like that), and that the bf treats me even better... it was to that she said she wouldn't judge, since she hadn't met him. I think really, she's just annoyed that she hasn't met him yet or something. :P I told her that she'd meet him after I'd met some of his friends, and she was surprised that he'd met all of mine, but that I hadn't met any of his. I said it was just circumstances, nothing more, and that he and PF were apparently planning some double-date - of which eventually I'll be told, so that I can show up and everything. :)

Run-on paragraphs are good for your eyes.

So I can't tell if life is just teeming up to make me mental, or if it's just being back on the pill, or what. :) I'm hoping things will balance out soon, but I guess a bit of conflict and frustration is good for the skin, or something. :P

In the meantime, I think I'm off to bed, and I'll do what I can to study tomorrow. Enjoy reading the tome. :)


So, the paramedic and I ate dinner at the Kelseys' nearish to Ben's place last night, and he got himself a pepper steak, while I had a chicken salad. (He got his steak done medium; yuck).

I'm halfway through the salad, I've pushed everything to one side to more easily eat it, and there's a nice pile of chicken still on top that I've been saving, when I happen to glance down and notice something on the wide lip of the plate that should *never* be *anywhere* close to my food - a spider.

Once my brain registered that yes, that really was a spider near my poor plate, I pushed the plate to the other side of the booth (up against the wall) and moved to the edge of the booth (near the aisle), and tried my damndest to pretend that the spider didn't crawl out of my salad. It didn't, it didn't, it didn't.


Btw, have I ever mentioned on here that I'm somewhat arachnophobic? Yuck.

Regardless, I think I handled it fairly well, despite the bf sitting there, laughing at me. Jerk. I said that I thought I handled it well, and he mimed me pushing the plate away and sitting as far away from it as I could, to try to indicate that I was freaking out. Sorry, but how many people would calmly continue to eat their salad, or keep the plate in front of them? :P

Anyhow, I managed to hail the waitress, and she came and collected the plate and killed the spider (the paramedic said he was keeping an eye on it to make sure it didn't come over to try to get me - it did, however, make it off the plate and was exploring the possibilities of the table). She asked if I wanted another salad, and I said not to bother, that I didn't have the appetite enough to finish it. We picked out a dessert, and in the end I got half off my meal (but not the bf's, hah! - he grumped about that), and a free dessert, which we shared - and he checked it carefully to ensure that it hadn't been also contaminated.

So yes, it's totally possible the spider came from the ceiling or something else; I don't really care from whence it hailed, and I don't want to know. But consider me a bit skittish now about restaurant food, at least for a little bit - and call me as lame as you want, you didn't have your phobia turn up in the meal you'd been previously enjoying. :P

The night was more uneventful after that. We went over to the Shopper's so I could stock up on various items I needed, and the boy made fun of me for buying extra shampoo and conditioner - it was on sale! That's when I like to stock up. When I put it all away at home, he was saying that I certainly had a lot of "stuff." Yeah, well, I now have the space for it, and since I don't live right around the corner from anything convenient (grocery store, drug store, hardware store, etc.), I like to stock up when I'm able.

We played a bit of video games, grabbed and shower and hit the sack. I'd discovered, before we'd gone for the fateful dinner, that he had brought his stuff with him (which he listed), including his uniform, so he didn't have to go back home tonight. It meant a bit of a longer drive for him in the morning, but he didn't seem to mind.

So, I set two alarms for him and one for me - his two were set to go off at 4:10 and 4:15, and mine was for 7:15, and then I reset one of them for 7:35, as per my usual time. I kinda drifted in and out while he was getting ready (using his flashlight, instead of just turning on the lights as I suggested), and then I actually saw him off at the door, so I could lock it behind him.

I let the cats in when I went back to bed, which was maybe a bit of a mistake - they decided when it was time for me to be up, which was earlier than I actually felt was necessary. I've actually had a few occasions over the last few nights when I've had little catnaps as I was lying somewhere, and those can be fairly refreshing - I had one last night, while I was finishing up Tom Sawyer for book club.

Unfortunately, I don't really have time for one of those tonight. I go more or less from work straight to book club, then tomorrow I have to be up early to take Thena to the vet, get my hair cut, go to the gym... and then tomorrow night I might be going out to Shawn and Gord's bowling thing, but I'm not 100%. Urgh.

Plus, somewhere in there I need to do some apartment cleaning - last time I tried, it was really half-assed. This time, I really need to do dishes, and some vaccuuming, at the very least. Either that or train the damn cats to stop shedding. :P


I find it very frustrating that my various rotating bosses have not signed my timesheets on payday -- so that I could get my paycheque on payday -- in quite some time. As it stands, I transferred money out of savings to ensure that my rent cheque would get cashed, 'cause I was slow at depositing my paycheque (yes, some of these are my fault, but sometimes it's fun to deposit two paycheques only a week apart), and if I transfer that money back to my savings account as I ought, I will only have $200 in the bank.

And soon bills will be coming out.

Is it *really* that hard to sign your name to a single piece of paper in the space of less than six hours? Does it *really* require 48 hours plus? Should I start submitting these damn things on Mondays, two days before payday, instead of Wednesdays? Argh.

Also, I should stop spending money. I'm hungry.
Rough night - had a dream that I think was a sort-of CSI episode; I was kidnapped and raped by someone who had at least one other girl in the same building as I (we ended up in the same room together, with me looking after her), and a girl who was in love with the kidnapper/rapist...

So I was awake for at least a half-hour, barely an hour before my alarm clock was set to go off. So useless. :P

And while I wasn't exactly *worried*, the place was awfully quiet and the cats weren't with me (they probably got fed up with all of my moving around and abandoned me or something), so I was thinking vaguely bad thoughts based on that.

I don't think it helped that I went to bed last night with the bottom half of a migraine/headache that's still vaguely there now, because sleeping off a headache doesn't work for me, 99% of the time, especially if it's one of these migraines. Plus I was feeling kinda urgh from eating too much or something last night.

Today I strive to write in long, runon sentences. :)

Who wants to do my dishes? There aren't that many... no, seriously, there aren't that many.


Well, I did send an update by email yesterday, but of course, it has yet to arrive. Stupid post-by-email system.

Let's see, what's been going on? Nothing stands out as especially exciting, although I know I was thinking of things yesterday. Damn my faulty memory. :P

I've been doing a bit of writing off-line, and I'm hoping to actually put it up on a website somewhere, sometime.

I've also decided that I'm fat and I'm tired of it. I feel as though I'm in decent shape, though I've been slacking with the gymtime lately (my trainer and I are both taking turns cancelling on each other for various reasons), but overall, I just feel huge and fat and sloppy. I don't like this feeling, so I'm making efforts to eat responsibly, which may mean picking my coworker's brain on the Weight Watcher's thing she's doing - especially as she'd lost some 10 lbs or so already.

Before you all start freaking out and rolling your eyes (I'm thinking of you, Jay), and so on, let me clarify - I don't want to lose a ton of weight. I firmly believe that the BMI dohickey is complete bunk for most people, and since I fully intend to continue working out, my BMI will always be wonky. Muscle weighs more than fat, etc. I'm comfortable being a short, stocky person if it's one that's muscly - what I'm not comfortable with is my current pot belly, extra-padded hips, and padded thighs. I don't like 'em.

And since the weather is picking up, I should have more opportunities to be out and active. Running is nice, biking will be good (if I ever get around to getting my bike), maybe even rollerskating, if I can get my balance on them, boxing once again... plus weight-lifting, as always. It shouldn't be hard to lose weight. I just need to change my diet - which is my constant refrain. :P

This time, I want it to be real.

This is the time for change. I'm almost 25, and sometimes things just don't change unless you make it happen - I've realized this for some time now, and I'm working on it. I'm working on the new job situation, I'm working on the diet/exercise thing, and I've been trying new experiences when I can. There's going to be one coming up later in the spring/summer, but I don't want to talk about it until after it happens - for one, it's hard to believe yet that it'll actually happen, and for two, I don't want anyone talking me out of it... or talking to my folks, who would murder me. :)

I would like it to work out and be good.

No, it's nothing to do with eloping, having a baby, or running away to join a cult.

And, I just remembered some of the other stuff I was thinking last night (I often have good writing thoughts before bed, and then I don't write them down, and I either can't remember them later or they never sound as good as they did in my head).

Gah, just got totally spanked with a ridiculous deadline for something at work. The sad part? I was early for it. Argh. I hate my job.

Who wants to be my sugar daddy, so I can leave this job and go to school again? Please!? :(

It feels different than in the past. I want to be special, and not just one of many. I want to be important, and significant, and valued. I want to be invaluable and irreplaceable. Or, as the pizza guy used to say, I want to be a special little snowflake - or words to that effect.

Blah. Never mind me - I'm tired and so I'm rambling. But at least I didn't go to the meeting... heh.


Well, that's a pretty incredible way to start the morning.

I just got a phone call from my doctor's office, confirming what I suspected when I went in for my check-up on Monday; I'm pregnant!

I haven't broken things to the paramedic yet -- he was on overnights last night, and he would've just gotten to bed around this time. I'll call him later in the day and break the news, but I know he's going to be pretty excited. We'd talked about the possibility, but hadn't thought it could happen so quickly!

Oh yeah - I'd better stop taking the pill, too. I wouldn't want anything untoward to happen to my new little bundle of joy.

I don't know if it's coming through in tone or anything, but... I'm both stunned and totally excited about this. Wow. More later, when I'm not running late for work!

Hrm... I wonder how maternity leave is going to work with this stupid non-permanency thing I have going on... ah well, I'll talk to the HR people and get it all sorted out.

So much to remember!