For those of you who already know, here's an article about it. Glord, Shawn and I were discussing this the last time we got together; it's about a kid who's got flies flying out of his penis. Sorry Glord, not beetles, like we thought. :)


*squeak* Yay, my book is finally shipping! I've been waiting for this book for -- quite literally -- ten years, and now it's shipping!

*dances around the room*

Booyeah! :)

I played my clarinet for a bit today. I'm proud; my embouchure is not nearly as loose as I'd thought it might be, although my muscles are fairly weak... I can't last nearly as long as I used to be able to. Ah well, maybe I'll get into practicing semi-regularly. Huh.

Anyhow, tomorrow is planning goodness for various people in the region. If you're up for joining in and haven't been contacted, feel free to call me; I'm thinking dinner somewhere west-endish, unless someone has a more exciting idea. :)

Off to send the email now and have a shower. Very tired. :(
For anyone keeping track, Buffy season five releases December 9th -- it looks like they're stepping up the releases now that the season's over, which is excellent news. Angel season 2 releases September 3rd.

I have a birthday coming up, and I'm still lacking Buffy season 2 and 3. ;)
Urgh. Bloody construction on our house. Mom comes in to tell me she has Shadow locked up in her bedroom, then says I can go back to sleep. Thanks. :P

I think I did manage to get some more rest in, but some of the things they're doing down there are making the floor of the house vibrate; pretty tricky to sleep through that stuff.

Nothing too exciting. D and I watched a show at the IMAX theatre yesterday; I hadn't been there in years. In fact, the last show I saw there, if I'm not mistaken, was Plains of the Serengeti with Jay et al... which has led to our years of history of jokes about lions and their mating habits. For those not in the know, the movie explains that once a year, lions will mate more or less non-stop (they'll rest or eat for 20 minutes at a time, but that's about it) for four days straight. The boys were all, "four days straight!" I was trying to drive home the "once a year" aspect of it. Since then, every now and then Jay and I will give each other a gift or something that has to do with lions. :)

Anyhow, D and I watched the Stomp movie; it has members of Stomp travelling to various groups around the world and showing examples of their dance and music. It was pretty cool, but short -- 45 minutes long. I'd forgotten how cool IMAX could be. I think we were both a little hesitant at first, 'cause when they were showing the commercial and talking about how if you feel sick you should just close your eyes, the quality was pretty poor... but when we got to a trailer for the other movie we were thinking of seeing (Adrenaline Rush) and then our movie, it was pretty awesome.

We got back to his place and rented Shanghai Knights; I've seen Shanghai Noon, but he hadn't. Knights was fun, very many homages to old-style movies, and with semi-corny name references again (the first one had the "John Wayne? That's a terrible cowboy name!").

Poor Shadow's hiding under the bed, and her pupils are huge, but she's pretty willing to come out -- I just put my hand under the bed and she came to me, purring, pretty willlingly. What a cutie; I'm definitely going to miss her and Digger boatloads when I move out.

Been trying to figure out how to segue into things, or even if I want to bring it up... I dunno. Basically, after the movie the other night, E and I talked (his instigation), and he thought it would be best if we ended things, or put them on hiatus (not entirely sure which we agreed to do). So... all of my complaining about people not accepting me for what I was doing is somewhat for naught, as I am once again in a monogamous relationship, it would appear. This should make some people rather happy, I imagine. :P

And even that is only temporary. D's leaving for school in less than a month, so as Jay put it, come September, I'll be a single lady. I might even do as Markuk suggested once upon a time and try to stay single for six months; it would give me a chance to reconnect with friends and get accustomed to living alone, as well as reconnect with me and just enjoy being single and unfettered for awhile. That all said and done, how actually likely is it? Well, we'll see, I suppose. As a sidenote (which in my head is connected), it's certainly not going to be fun seeing E act the same way he always has (i.e., talking and flirting with everyone but me at work -- who he completely ignores, even when I'm working the till directly beside him), or hearing about all the ladies that D is dating when he leaves. No one said that being me was easy, and goodness knows I don't make it that way, ever, it seems.

For now, it's time to shower and hopefully look alert. I also want to get some breakfast, but I figure what with all the men climbing on the outside of the house, I'm better off to be dressed and clean before I impose my appearance on them. :) The fish appear content with their clean tanks, and Stick has already refreshed his little bubble nest. Must remember to get them new lily pads -- Dr. Seuss is the only one with a lily pad right now, and it had quite an impressive bubble nest underneath it yesterday. I was so proud. :)


Today was very much between the good day/bad day realm. I hung out with Ben (contrary to popular opinion, he is in fact alive and well), saw Tomb Raider 2 with E, and worked a bit.

That's the short version of everything, because I don't want to get into the extended version. Why? Because as of yet, on one field (a potential good), I have no idea what's going to happen; that will be found out in the morning, which would come faster if I were to actually go to bed.

On the bad field, I don't yet know how I feel, really. I don't know how to react or feel, and sure enough have come on the inevitable questions and the wonder if I should even bother to ask them. Needless to say, the potential good could be really good if it pans out (with some somewhat bad to it, too).

To quote a Buffy episode (no, I'm not loser enough to know which one, although I am loser enough to spend time on IMDB reading the quotes page for Buffy): Wow, could you vague that up some more for me?

Anyhow, the next few days will be muchly full of interesting. I will do some writing tomorrow and maybe some Buffy season 1 watching; Ben has also said I could borrow his Angel again, and perhaps this time I will actually make the time to watch it (and decide if I want to ask for it for my birthday, or just focus on acquiring Buffy seasons 2 and 3).

I've been trying to write stories the last few days, but I either don't have the time/muse, or whatever I write seems to be crap after a few short sentences. I'm hoping that reading through the classics will help me out, although sometimes it just seems to depress me; today I read Pygmalian, by George Bernard Shaw, and discovered that it ends completely opposite from what I thought. Made me wonder if Shaw was perhaps a wee bit mysogynistic, or if that was just my reaction to it.

I picked up an anthology of Gothic stories from the bookstore with Ben; I'm looking forward to perusing some of those. I think it's a book that I used as a reference on a paper I wrote in first year, which amuses me for some reason.

So, for now, I go to bed (late, as always). I'll let you know in the morning what's happening with the potential good, I'm sure; hell, for most of you you'll likely learn about that at the same time as you read this. For now, go check out Shawn's new hair and show him some love, and check out Whore's Boudoir and leave me some comments, and finally check out this site and drop some kids. Funny when they duck or start crying. :)


I am tired. Being up early -- and particularly the working of a double shift -- sucks monkey balls.

When I first typed 'shift,' I actually typed 'shit.' Freudian slip? Naw, just truth.

Urgh. Kill me.
Two things: one, poor English correction from the mention of my dream... I don't actually have a tattoo on my arm. I have one on my left ankle (on the outside), but in my dream that same tattoo was on my right arm.

Second: Funny is when someone (say, Jay) tells you something, then forgets that he told you, then gets all paranoid when you mention it, thinking that you've been spying or talking to someone else. S'funny. :)
New article up (finally).

Oh yeah, and for a future column, to my male readers: what do you think are some of the things about having a penis/testicles/body hair/being male/whatever that women don't know about? Boner etiquette, washroom etiquette (yes, I know the urinal rules), talking about women, etc., etc., that we don't know about that maybe we ought to?


Okay, so I'm all about the quizzes today... this one just struck me as funny, especially question number eight:


Actually, you need 2 OR 3 boyfriends.

Yeah, you’re the wild, adventurous one.
Voted Most Likely To Have A Three-way by your sorority. And why not? Life’s too short to take it one cock at a time, right?
As long as nobody gets hurt, ain’t nothin’ wrong with it, no how. This does not, by any means, make you a slut.
In fact, if anyone ever calls you that, it’s only because they’re jealous.

Do You *Need* a Boyfriend?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva


You are a Condom!

You love sex as much as the next guy or gurl...
But you tend to use your brain as well :-)
Eh... condom sex might not be the exact same as rough raw sex, But you have a better chance of staying child and diease free.
Cheers to you for having something besides hairspray on that head.

What Kind of Birth Control Are You?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Yay, me:

oral master

You Are an Oral Master!

If going down were a class, you'd be an A+ student.
You've been known to do anything - from deep throat to ass licking.
Your oral can get almost anyone off...
Too bad you're not flex enough to try it on yourself!

How Oral Are *You*?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

And damn the lack of "all of the above" for at least one of the questions...
wild woman

You Are a Wild Woman!

Put down the whip and unlace those come-fuck-me boots!
You definitely qualify as kinky - and not just occasionally.
You've exhausted every fantasy, but you're always open to new ones.
Your sexual encounters are usually spiced with role-play, bondage, new positions,
props, and fun fetishes.
Are *You* Kinky? Click Here to Find Out!

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

I'm off to do something other than quizzes. :)

You Are a Like Eyes!

Sly, mysterious, and very sexy.
You have a deep stare and lure people in with your gaze.

Anyone would be lucky to get with you.
Why? Because your big on doing things all the way... And making sure the pleasure is distributed evenly.

And if not fifty/ fifty, your lover will get even more.
You're sweet, kind, and love to be a tease at times.
Congrats! You've got it all.

What Body Part Are You Most Like?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva


Got together with Shawn, Glord and E last night. Evening went fairly well; I'd say the highlight of it was either poking Shawn's nipples (always a great way to spend an evening), having Glord evaluate my meal as being vaginal (and his as being phallic), or having E, Glord and Shawn bond over how I tell stories. Yet somehow they did it by lying, 'cause I don't interrupt any of them nearly as much as they do me. Or if I do I acknowledge it and ask them to continue. So there.

We did a bit of shopping, and I managed to get a used DVD of George of the Jungle, so that makes me happy. Today I'm working both jobs and doing I doni't know what tonight, then making sure I get lots of sleep for tomorrow... Saturday I get to close, and Sunday I get to open (and work a combination of 13 hours between both jobs, with only an hour break in between). I suck.

I finished Dracula last night. Now I want to see Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula, so I can complain about how they massacred the story, but E says he won't let me. We wound up watching about half of Monsters, Inc. last night before I left. I call him 'kitty' sometimes, the same way Boo does, 'cause he's furry.

I wound up having to take a cab home from the bus station, 'cause my folks had misunderstood me when I called about the car, my dad didn't want to pick me up, and I didn't want to wait a half hour for the bus that would take me about 40 minutes to be somewhere near to my house -- and my feet were killing me, so I couldn't walk. I was tired when I was on the way home, then I was wide awake when I was home. :P

I had a dream that I was getting a tattoo done on my left arm to match the one I had on my right arm, except that this one wasn't meant to match, and I went in with a bad drawing and pseudo-explanation, and the tattoo lady didn't ask where I wanted it (although she got it right) and wound up drawing something freestyle that was nothing like what I wanted. I was very sad in my dream, but it was very lightly drawn, so I was going to try to having it adapted into what I wanted.

Someone, analyze my dreams. :P :)
Oh yeah...

Spears, Britney. Very stingy (although I'm hearing reports that this is not always true). Breast implants; uses padded costumes to enhance the effect. Has been known to enjoy marijuana (and coke, and E, and etc etc etc) on occasion. Chain-smoker. Has let her fame go to her head and become a beeyotch. Per Justin Timberlake, her mouth was deflowered a long time before the rest of her body was; Justin dumped her once he was told--by Christina Aguilera, no less, if my source is to be believed--that she was shtupping their shared choreographer. Also linked with Ben Affleck (who she shtupped while still seeing Timberlake), Colin Farrell, Jeff Gordon and Marcus Schenkenberg. (Gads, what horrible taste in men! Not a brain cell among them.) Also linked with Jenna Jameson. (Oh, the visuals from that one....)

And from things that make you huh:

Stewart, Patrick. Reportedly temperamental. Said to pack one of the largest weapons in Hollywood (emphasis mine). Hits on everyone in sight. Possible involvement with Whoopi Goldberg.
In case you wanted to ruin any good feelings you might've had at any point to any particular actor, actress, director, musician, producer -- even a Pope or two --, and so on and so forth, this site is a great place to while away several hours.

Rest assured, there are a few nice things on there. But who wants to read those? Apparently there are an awful lot of celebrities with hygiene issues. :P

*grin* I love these ones: "Richards, Keith. Heavy (former?) drug user. Zombie/undead. Linked with Mick Jagger in a Portrait-of-Dorian-Grey fashion." and "Rodman, Dennis. Crossdresser. Semi-closeted bisexual, or perhaps just confused. Reported alien. Rapist. Linked with Carmen Electra and Madonna."


I was going to write an angry, hate-filled entry about a particular person at a particular place of work and various other people who can't accept the way I'm living my life right now.

Then I got tired and depressed and didn't want to write it. I still kinda do, and I still kinda don't.

Basically, everyone's path in life is different. Just because you can't see yourself doing what I'm doing doesn't mean that what I'm doing is inherently wrong, okay? I'm not killing anyone, and I'm not out stepping on babies. It's selfish, it's maybe not the best thing to do right now, but it's honest and it's upfront and it's what I need to do for me.

So maybe I did write the entry. But believe me when I say that this is the toned-down, apathetic version. D got some of the heated, upset, on-the-verge of crying version last night.

To sum up: I'm not a bad person, at least I don't think so. I've been told I'm giving and sweet and warm and kind and various other things that I like to sometimes think are true. I'm just very frustrated at how other people can pick a path and follow it and no one speaks poorly of them, but the minute I do something -- date someone young, someone old, several someones simultaneously, whatever -- I'm a whore, a bitch, a "real stand-up person" (heavy on the sarcasm) and so on. *sigh* Intolerance upsets me.

Maybe if I became a lesbian, then people would accept that. :P Of course, since I 'love the cock,' that probably wouldn't go over so well. And the minute you mention that you're either going to be or are a lesbian, then guys start asking if they can watch. No one asks to see a heterosexual couple have monkey sex together (well, aside from voyeurs), but the minute it's two girls... eesh. Men suck.

So yeah, last night was the "we hate men" evening, hosted by E for A from the bookstore. There were four of us, three female, one male. Our waitress found E entertaining, I think. He kept saying how wonderful she was, 'cause she kept bringing him Coke, and always just as his glass was drained. It was amusing, as was the conversation. We got to talk about men and sex, and touched a bit on work, but mostly just had a really fun evening and such.

At one point, us females went en masse to the washroom. We got down to where they're located, and wonder of wonders, there were three stalls. Perfect! I open the first stall: "Eew, blood!" A opens the second stall, "Gross, shit!" I laugh, "haha, R got the pee stall!" Well, she never said what was in her stall, but she and A flushed their toilets, while I layered some paper down and we all had our piddles.

We went from three stalls, to two sinks, to one working air-dryer. Funny. :)

A left just around eleven, just before we were joined by D and two other girls from work. D and I left about a half hour in, shortly after R left; I was feeling tired and unhappy at that point, and I just wanted to be gone. The conversation on the bus didn't do a whole lot to improve my mood, but I felt better later. I got a nice backrub and we watched some television, then I got my lift home. I'd been really tempted to just bus straight home and go for a walk, but I didn't.

I have an entry in here about confidence that I want to write as well, but I think I'll wait on that. For now... weird things in email and comments on my site. I feel bad that so far there have been two people from Brazilian bloggers who've left comments on the Whore's Boudoir. The last one was really insistent about my going to her site (she said at one point about how she was playing with herself while reading my site -- the fuck?!), and I feel bad, but the fact of the matter is that I speak two languages -- French, and English. I can puzzle out some Italian/Spanish/Portuguese from classes or knowledge of French, but that's it. I could barely even find the link to leave a comment, let alone regularly/appreciate their sites.

Secondly, weird email. That exchange I'll have to post later, 'cause I don't have access to it at home, but ... yeesh. People don't make any sense at all to me.

Anyhow, tonight has Glord and Shawny goodness, with perhaps some E and E thrown in (male E from dating world and female E friend). We shall see.


I saw Bad Boys II last night with E and a few of his friends. It was violent and occasionally had things that made you go "eww," but overall it was pretty fun.

Really, that's about all there is to say about the evening. I spent the afternoon watching Buffy with D and just hanging out in the house. We made perogies and left the dishes in the sink, intending to get to them a little later in the afternoon. D and I dozed off on the couch, and when Mom came home, we went upstairs to bring up our dishes from there and tidy up. As we were cleaning up, my mom is telling me (in a pissy tone) to wash our dishes and we should run the dishwasher, 'cause it was full, and that we had to get out of the way so they could start dinner.

First, we were cleaning up!

Second, my dad wasn't yet home and she was on the phone, so whose way were we in?

Third, we were in the midst of cleaning up!

Argh! This is the stuff that makes me need to be out. Thankfully, I be out soon enough. :)


We sell gift cards for our Internet Cafe. The way it works, you come to the cash, get a gift card, we put money on it and it translates into time on your account upstairs. The cafe was up and down all day yesterday, so we were discouraging anyone from buying them. Most people were okay with this, but one guy cut me off as I was explaining and said that they had said upstairs it was working and he only needed a few minutes anyhow.

Well, the minimum amount I can put on a card is $2.00 (or twenty minutes), so I loaded him up with that and Bob's his uncle. He asks me if he can use the card in any computer; I thought that was a weird way to phrase it (and I could see how that question might go), but I took as assumed that he meant any of the computers upstairs, so I said yes. He then said, "So if I have any time leftover I can take it home and use it on my laptop or whatever?"

I answered him properly and whatnot, but afterwards I was talking to the other cashier and I was saying, "Sir, please, explain to me how that would work? Where on your laptop is there a card reader through which you can slide this? Or a credit card-sized port into which you can insert this? Did I put a small corner of the Internet onto this card, just for you, so that you can later download it onto your computer and go to town? I should warn you, the corner I put on is the Disney.com corner; I hope that's all you wanted."

Okay, okay, so people are stupid. This has been an accepted fact of mine... oh jeez, for years now. I know that no one understands computers properly unless they work with them in a computer-related field or have a great aount of interest in them. I make no claims to understand them completely myself. But some people... argh.

I remember in high school I used to hear the little teeny punks that I hated even then come in and say, "We got the Internet last night!" or "I got your email and I replied to it and I said this and this and this..." I used to shake my head. Sure, I email people that I see on regular or semi-regular basis. But I don't come in to see them and tell them what I said. Communication in any form is not a novelty for me. "Whoa, a telephone!"

Anyhow, today is going to be a nice, relaxing day. I think it'll just be Buffy-watching all afternoon, but we'll see how it goes. It doesn't look as gloomy as I thought it was supposed to be.

My sister told me the other day that Bravo is going to start airing season six (the final one) of Sex and the City September 19th. Yay! :)

Okay, brainfart there. I can't think of much else to say right now, so I'm going to go feed my face and poke some cats. I kept annoying Shadow yesterday, although she didn't exactly complain; just go in, rub her belly (which she loves) and then go off to do what I had to do. It was fun. :)


Not happy. Tired, feeling quite icky and unpleasant, wanting things to be healed and over and done with.

I managed to lock my keys in the car yesterday, which was ever so fun. My mind was on other things, and I realized that they weren't where I thought they ought to be. I called D and got the, "How much later are you going to be?" with the resigned tone, to which I explained I was in fact downtown -- on time -- I was just insanely stupid.

I wanted to cry. I feel and felt uncomfortable and gross and itchy and annoyed with myself and then yesterday was a whole bundle of stuff. Just everything and nothing and things are all messed up and even if I could fix then I wouldn't know how.

Sorry, just did a web search for something and managed to turn up this page: http://www.threelaccandidadefense.com/yeast.html. I love how they make it seem as if having a yeast infection is the worst possible thing you could ever go through, and that some of the symptoms include suicidal depression, autism, learning disabilities and chronic hives. The fuck?

Anyhow, yeah. Had some fun chats with Shawn last night (who I'm currently channeling with all the emphasis), and then had some weird chats with E. Most likely going to his hometown at the end of the summer, just trying to map out when and whether or not it'll interfere with my birthday/D's departure.

Also learned that he (E) doesn't like the way I tell stories (sometimes). I (usually) like to provide details in my stories, 'cause I feel they're important. Details are needed to understand why it is that a particular person was annoying me so much, or why those questions were funny, or why it made me feel happy. As he said, my stories are rambly, but a cohesive whole. His stories, on the other hand (and he'll admit this!), are often rambly and travel across many different topics that could in some way be interrelated, but aren't part of the original story, and all of this... but for some reason my way is more annoying. Well, 'cause he said it's how his mom tells stories. Bah.

Two of my fish have impressive bubble nests going. This means they're happy, which makes me happy.

So, now it's time to get ready for work and stuff. Yay. Hopefully today will bring on some healing and make me happier.


In conversation with Shawn:

"One day, I found Jesus, and then he used air quotes and then I lost Jesus. And I was sad."

Also: "The use of "then" is very important. To the humour."

"P.S. I like boys. And AOL."

"Did you just say clit? Is that like naughty Turrets syndrome? "I like your clit clit company." They should make a show called ClitClit Company, it'd be funny. And there could be a character that inexplicably wears liederhosen."

"Did you remember the liederhosen? I can't live without the liederhosen!"

"I masturbated to what about him? The thought of his greasy cock in his fat girlfriend?"

Okay, now I'm done work. So I'll stop transcribing what Shawn says.

Gay Bear
Gay Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


While at the first of my two jobs today, I wrote a really morose and somewhat down-spirited entry. I don't necessarily feel like transcribing it here; a lot of it had to do with my frustration on the job front and my pros and cons regarding moving out.

However, I will morose a bit... I'm finding it hard to keep in touch with my friends with this two job thing, and that saddens me. I know I need to talk to Mark to make that stuff okay, but I never seem to have any free time. I think I have about three hours a week to myself that aren't between the midnight and early morning hours. I haven't spoken to Ben for ... well, the extent of the summer, really. I'm sure much of that has to do with the Mark situation, and the other much has to do with his girlfriend, but it's sad to see how a friendship that I thought was tighter than that seems to have unravelled fairly quickly.

Jay I speak with fairly intermittently to begin with; he and I are both all over the place for our schedules, and I know he's pretty wrapped up in his new girlfriend. They're probably making kissy faces at each other right now. ;)

As for friends in the city... well, haven't seen much of them in the last while, either. It's just been one thing after another; I wind up learning about my friend's lives and happenings from their websites, or seeing them when they come into the bookstore. Aside from that, barely speak with anyone.

It made me realize how infrequently I start conversations. I rarely seem to call people first or even start ICQ/MSN conversations first. Partly it's out of selfishness, if such a term can be used semi-improperly; I find that my time online is so limited that I'm usually only on long enough to do what I want/need to do before I depart and don't check to see who's online, or I'm busy writing or some such and because Trillian doesn't notify me of people's comings and goings, I'm not noticing who's there and who isn't.

The other part is out of fear of rejection, even when I know it's not personal. It's weird; there's a part of me that fears calling someone to try to make plans with them because I'm afraid they'll either not be home or they'll have other plans, or simply not want to do what I'm suggesting and won't suggest anything else. Hrm, how to explain... I dunno. I'm not feeling nearly as down on myself as this entry sounds, I'm just trying to explain to people why I don't call them. :)

I try to avoid calling E at home now, 'cause I figure his roommates are fed up with me calling when he's not around. I feel like D's folks aren't too keen on me, so I avoid calling him at home. :) I have no idea what number to reach Glord at, and I'll call Shawn, but he never uses his cell, so if he ain't at work or at home, then forget it. I need to get back in the habit of calling people out of the blue, but not too many people enjoy getting called at 2 a.m. -- when I'm free. :)

Ah well... I'm sure it'll all change when I move out and I'm so lonely and desperate for company that I'll be calling people at all hours and begging them to come hang out. :)

As for this that and the other thing... not much going on. Got a pizza the other day from pizza guy, so D and he met. E found my missing earring and dropped it off for me at work, so that was nice. C seems to pay the most attention to me when he's between ladies (or so I speculate), so he's been ignoring me lately, or at least not 'flirting' with me (as D terms it); if his flirting consists of tripping me when I walk by and flinging plastic cards at me, I can pass, thanks.

I finished reading Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde today. As I've been writing this entry, I keep glancing over at my book shelves and chuckling silently at the juxtaposition of books that occupy space; along the topmost shelf (it's a small bookcase), from right to left is Fearless Speech, by Michel Foucault, Story of O, by Pauline Reage, then a romance novel, a collection of fantasy short stories, then Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck, The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan, Charlotte's Web, Homer's The Illiad, Have Another Cookie (a gift book that Big A gave me; it's Snoopy cartoons) and then The Outsider, by Albert Camus... then another whackload of romance novels until the shelf is mostly filled. I look forward most of all to arranging my library and my writing space when I move out.

I've been feeling the creativity bubbling around the last few days. I have a burning urge to sit and write a novel or novella, but no real plotline ironed out just yet. Ever since reading The Big U by Neal Stephenson, I've wanted to write something to do with university students, but I haven't figured out yet where I want to take the story. Typically when I write essays, I don't have it plotted out; the same thing happens usually when I write my articles for Whore's Boudoir or for here. However, for a story of any length, I think that it would help to have an outline, or so I speculate. I know that at least one or two people have said (to my face or secondarily) that my novel is not particularly good, and that's fine, it wasn't meant to be. But it also reinforces my belief that I ought to have something in mind (besides "characters have a lot of crazy sex") before I write. No matter, I need the time first anyhow.

For now, I'm off to bed. I'm kinda racing the clock here; I have to be up early for my shift tomorrow and then figure out how my afternoon/evening is going to work out. I'm supposed to meet up with some people for MiniPutt, but I'm not sure at all how that's going to work out, since I'll be arriving after their tee-off time anyhow. I may just see if I can meet up with people afterwards, depending on how things go for me at work and sleep-wise. Oddly enough, sleeping in until 12:15 (when Mom called and woke me up) seems to have left me feeling somewhat rested. :P


I know I've posted this here before, but the results may have changed; I can't recall:


Okay, so I'm really tired. I got to bed around 1:30 last night, and Digger was all excited that I was going to bed at a decent hour for once, since it meant that he could use my legs as pillows.

Well, we got all settled in, and I was trying to stop my mind from racing and relax so I could sleep, and I was toying with the idea of getting my pyjamas -- since I was cold and all -- when I hear those ominous kitty retching noises. I wiggled my feet around, hoping to get him out in the hallway before he barfed, but no such luck; on went the light and I got to see that not only had he hit my comforter, but my topmost blanket as well.

Trudged downstairs to get everything in the washer, and I nearly retched myself from the odour; not that it was especially noxious, just that barf, regardless of the species from whence it originated, is pretty much the sole bodily function I simply cannot handle. At this point, I'm hoping that if I leave everything in the washer, someone else will move it over and hopefully it'll be all cleaned and dried for me. :)

Anyhow, today was crazy crazy crazy busy at work, and we were down one cashier. I did 246 transactions, which is Christmas-busy, not average Thursday busy. My feet hurt. With any luck the near future will include my feet up and a pizza. Yum, pizza.

I have a poll question for those of you who feel like responding. How many of you would be comfortable peeing in front of your significant other or having them pee in front of you? Nothing sexual (unless that's your kink, which is different from my question), just "you were in the washroom brushing your teeth and I had to go so there I went." ("Air quotes").

The reason I ask is because this is a debate I've had with a number of boyfriends. As one boyfriend so lovingly put it, "you don't care about my come, why does it bother you to see me pee/have me see you pee?" ("Air quotes"). It's come up a few times since, and it's more or less ensured that I always lock the door behind me when I go to the washroom, or if it's someplace where I might be seen, I go far far far away. I don't want anyone opening the door on me to be funny or sneaking up on me.

See, I figure it's a fair boundary to have. The washroom is a sacred place. It's one thing if I or my sweetie are in the shower; then I don't really care (although you oughtn't flush the toilet, 'cause that's just mean). But why not just leave me in peace when I have my piddle or whatnot? I do the same to you, and I have no interest whatsoever in seeing my sweetie pee, or seeing me pee. I have so few boundaries, why not respect this one?

Bah. It's not as if it's a huge crisis or whatnot, I just wonder if I'm somehow being weird or whatnot 'cause it's come up a few times, and each time the guy has acted like there was something wrong with me for not wanting to be in there poking at his peenie while he was peeing. Hey, I'm fascinated by 'em most of the time; this is one of the few times when I can leave 'em alone. ;)


Well, sorry to say I haven't seen any good movies for awhile. :)

I rented some Family Guy episodes, which were good; too bad I didn't get to finish off the second disc. No matter. I also got I-Spy, starring Owen Wilson and Eddie Murphy. It wasn't entirely bad, but it wasn't entirely good, either.

Yesterday D and I had a nice picnic at a park near my place, and I got to sunbathe topless for awhile. It's a very freeing feeling having your boobs out in public in an area that you probably oughtn't to. No one was around, and when the kids did show up, I put my top back on. We talked a bit about pornography and university, and relationships, but mostly enjoyed the sun and the food we'd packed.

After awhile headed back to my place, where we watched some Family Guy until D had to go. He was going to see Pirates of the Carribean with an ex- of his, and I was off (somewhat later) to see League of Extraordinary Gentlemen with E.

What can I say about it? Not great, not awful. It does require an amazing amount of suspension of disbelief -- i.e., how the hell does a ship that wide go through the canals of Venice? And why is it that a supposed vampire is on the deck of the ship during the middle of the day? Who has she been eating?

Mah. Really the only major problem I had with it was that the death of Dorian Gray was incorrect. He says in the movie that he can't cast eyes upon his portrait, but in the book, he can, he just doesn't like to, 'cause his portrait has gotten all ugly and stuff. It led to a debate between E and I as to how Dorian actually died in the book (he just recently finished it, I read it a few summers ago), and when we got back to his place, I read out the passage that proved I was correct. Then we argued some more about it, and the magic needed to make things change, and he still thinks he's right, but that's okay. :)

I get to work until close tonight, then come back early-ish tomorrow morning to learn our new turbo machines. Gotta remember to do that, it's very important. :)

In the meantime, I've been reading Dracula lately, which I borrowed from E awhile ago. I didn't get into it right away, but the last little while I've been wanting to read a novel and much of what I have around isn't really novelly. One thing that League did for me is give me the drive to start reading the classics again; I'd like to pick up Jekyll and Hyde at the very least, and maybe start plowing through some of the others I have around home. E was saying that every guy read Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn as a kid; I might have to assert myself and get those read, too.

What else have I read in terms of classics, lately? I read Lord of the Flies and didn't really enjoy it much. I really loved Watership Down, which I read last summer. I have to reread Animal Farm at some point, which I liked. I have 1984 and Brave New World; I got through about half of the first before it got set aside for other pursuits. I read Lolita about three years ago, and I have a bunch of Austen I should read. No, I'm not your stereotypical girl -- I never read 'em. I actually took a summer school English class in order to avoid reading 'em and studying with a particular teacher in high school. :)

In the meantime, I'm salivating waiting for my eagerly anticipated (for ten years, literally) new Robert Asprin novel to arrive. Hurray for talking dragon books, as E loves to mock me. Ah well... at least it's not Star Wars books. ;)


Testing out the title field...

New post up at Whore's Boudoir. :)
Okay, so. At heart, I... I was going to write, "I'm basically an insecure person," but now I'm doubting the truth of that statement.

See, at times, I'm quite confident. I know I possess a degree of intelligence, I'm not coyote ugly (I hope), and I'm not unusually shapen in any form. I have a reasonable sense of humour and I'm usually relatively tolerant, even if sometimes I put on the veneer of rage for the sake of grouching or laughs.

However, I've never in my life been The One. I've never been The Attractive One, I've never been The Intelligent One, nor The Hot One, The Funny One, The Athletic One, or anything particularly distinctive aside from "The Short One who's kinda blonde, wears glasses, and kicks people." I'm not nearly as full of rage as people seem to think, but it makes them happy to think it, so... meh. Ish. Sometimes it's frustrating when people assign you personality traits and won't let go of them, regardless of how you may protest; this is why I've been labelled angry, a man-hater, and a whore (not necessarily all by the same person or in that order). Interesting that I'm both a man-hater and a whore, but whatever.

I'm not stacked, nor am I scrawny. According to one guy, I'm chubby, but whatever (well, that's one guy who actually said it to my face). Admittedly, I have a number of friends with whom I'm "The Fat One," and that's saying something about their bodies more so than mine. I'd love to lose some weight, and I hopefully will when I move out and start forcing myself to exercise. For now, I'm just too lazy and too damn tired to really do much about it. Come September-October, I'll be buff and hot. *flex*

But all of this is my roundabout way of getting to one prevailing thought: sometimes I have a real hard time listening to other guys go on and on about the various girls that are around me that they find hot. Maybe those kinds of conversations take place about me when I'm not around, but I haven't the faintest. It's one thing when it's a platonic friend who's doing the appreciating -- if it's someone I've never had an interest in, or am not currently seeing, then I don't really mind hearing them say they want to bone so-and-so.

On the other hand, when it's someone I'm dating, or someone I'm interested in, it's a bit of a blow to the ol' ego, fragile as she is to begin with. I know it's human nature, and I know that I don't always keep all my lust directed in one sole direction, but it's usually something that I'll keep to myself, or to a girlfriend. I know that as me, I won't act on that lust. Sure, there's eye candy that walks up to my till, but I'll look and then forget. I'd rather look and talk about the one that I'm seeing naked at the moment, rather than the one that I saw and know nothing about.

Yet guys, or maybe it's just the guys I know, seem to hang onto mental images for some time. I dated one guy who said that the stars of many of his masturbation fantasies were girls that he passed on the street, ones that he only saw once for a brief moment and then never saw again. I was never sure if I should've been reassured by that or concerned; if he was looking at every girl he saw about with an undressing eye, did that make him more or less likely to want to stray?

I'm not saying that fantasizing is wrong, far from it; hell, plenty of men and women do it during the act of sex itself, and so long as your partner is none the wiser, who's it harming? Admittedly if you're consistently thinking about another person in your personal realm, perhaps it's time to move on. I dunno. But unless your partner specifically asks and appears to be turned on by the notion of you picturing that girl who works down the hallway from you while you're banging away at them, do you really need to share?

Chances are I'm just overly sensitive about this, and I'll admit that. It's not as if I expect my guy to think of me exclusively when he beats off, or only get turned on by me; that's unrealistic. But that doesn't mean that I have to enjoy hearing him talk about how hot he thinks the new so-and-so is, or how many of the guys at his place of work want to do her, right? Maybe it's from reading too many romance novels or seeing too many romantic comedies, but I like to think that my guy finds me arousing above all and, as much as he may think she's pretty or has a nice rack, at the end of the day, he'd rather go home to me and my imperfect body, personality, and mad skillz.

I'll probably think of better ways to explain my head tomorrow, which leads me into another segue, but for now I'm kinda exhausted and inarticulate.

Speaking of inside my head... I remember once upon a time Ben said that I was a very open person, but only about things I wanted others to know about. If there was something I didn't want someone to know, they'd never find it out. Now, I don't know how true that is; plenty of people have picked up on little things about me that I didn't necessarily know I was giving away, but it's been observed that I can be a private person. It's also been said by so-and-so that they want to know what's going on inside my head. Fair enough.

The problem is, when I let people in, I tend to freak them out. They don't know how to react to what I say, or maybe I say it wrong, or I expect a different reaction than the one I get. I remember trying to tell someone that I was seeing once how I happened to think that their body was simply made for sex -- maybe made for sinning would be the "romantic" description -- and trying to articulate it a bit further to explain my mindset on it, and the reaction I got was, if I remember correctly: "Uh, okay." While I wasn't able to see the face of the person in question at the time I said it, my mind supplied the fearful, haunted look, the backing away, and the frantic scanning for any and all available exits. Again, maybe I'm overreacting, but things like that tend to make me shy about sharing my thoughts with others.

In my family, sometimes showing emotions leads to ridicule from others. If I cry or show that I might cry while watching an animal movie (something that will get me every time, regardless of how happy it may actually be), my mom'll tease me. I've had friends tease me for similar things; after all, how many of you didn't laugh when I revealed that I cried a solitary tear at the death of Data? But that's okay; I presented it with a self-mocking tone, knowing it was dumb and silly and deserved some joking. But sometimes being surrounded by friends and coworkers who tease you and lovingly make fun of you for various things you say/choose/do can make it hard to want to open up.

Argh. Once again, my tiredness appears to be dragging this post away from me. Quite simply... opening up is a vulnerable feeling. I know of times when people have made themselves more vulnerable to me than I may have in return. But... I don't know. Doubt, fear, skepticism... they can all play a role in why I might hesitate to open up. Being shut down does it, as does having my feelings potentially used in a game of "logic" -- "if you feel that way, why don't you do such?" Well, feelings don't obey logic, and now I'm sounding defensive, which wasn't my intention. :)

For those of you playing our home version, here's the summary: it bothers me sometimes to hear guys appreciating other girls in front of me, particularly when it's a large group of guys or guys I want/am seeing. Secondly, if people don't always react the way I hope them to/expect they might to something serious I have to say, then I may be shy about revealing things again. I don't say things to freak people out, and they're rarely as intense as they may seem... they're just things I feel at that time or in general, and if you asked me again in five minutes, I might feel that much more or less strongly about it. Just 'cause I might say someone has the perfect body, particularly for sex, doesn't mean I don't also appreciate that person's mind, their sense of humour, their cuddling ability and their face... it just means that if I look at that body (at least, at that time), I want to jump it. :)

Anyhow, must get up at some point before noon tomorrow, so I will end this now and probably read it over tomorrow and go, "What the hell was I trying to say?" If any of you have any responses or can explain it to me, please feel free. :)


Ah, excitement galore in my life.

Oh, wait. I lie. Nothing's going on today, except that Shadow's being treated for a potential bladder infection. The diseases run rampant in my household this week. :)

Anyhow, managed to get an article (mostly) written for the WB today. I'll likely post it from home, if I have the opportunity. I kinda want to be out and about, and I kinda want to be ensconced in the basement, watching movies or some such.

Hrm. Maybe I'd like to be sleeping. Stupid going to bed at 4:30 is likely not helping my case of strep. :P

I've been having fun planning what I'm going to do when I get new place. I'm looking forward to doing things like buying fresh fruits from the vendors (although they're hardly going to be around much longer after I'm gone), lounging in my sluggiest clothes or butt nekkid (as I say, my place is going to be a naked place). I'll have booze in the fridge and I'll cook nice meals and maybe invite people over to try them out. :) I'll watch movies when I want to and maybe television (although at this point I don't think I'll be getting cable; maybe if I want to watch tv I'll invite myself over to someone's place). I hope that I can get a better-paying job so that I can afford to have a cat around the place... that's going to be one of the hard things. I know I'm going to miss Shadow and Digger a lot.

However, I'll be showing up at my current place a fair bit to pick up mail, hang out with the cats, and get free meals. :) Plus, I'll be sure to invite people over a lot -- my place will likely always be available for hanging out, should someone want to, and although I won't have an especially large television for movie-watching, I'll have VHS and DVD capabilities (if you don't mind watching the latter on my computer).

I guess this kinda sounds like I'm trying to convince myself it'll be good, aren't I? Well, there will likely be a housewarming party at some point, but it'll consist of groups of four or five people invited over in chunks of time; my place is teeny. :)

I'm trying to keep an eye on my spending. I start feeling guilty when I buy things now, unless I feel that they will be necessary for the new place -- i.e., I feel no guilt over having bought towels, 'cause I need 'em. Same thing with my little shelves.

Anyhow, must get back to other things. More later, I'm sure; I'm feeling like writing. :)


Well, got the angry bitter doctor, which has its pluses and minuses. The plus is that I'm in and out really quickly; the minus is that he's the angry bitter doctor. No worries. I'm being treated for strep throat, and it seems to be what I have/had; I felt a lot better by afternoon yesterday, and today seems to continue to include some improvements.

Went to the garage sale yesterday with Mom. They didn't really have much, but I managed to pick up some little shelving things that I'll be able to use to hold assorted crap that I own. I may wind up using one of them as a television stand, which goes to show how small my television is. :) I also picked up some towels from the Bay, 'cause they were having a big sale, and Mom told me what it was that I got for my birthday, as she was worried I might go out and buy one myself -- a microwave.

Yeah, I might go out and see one one day and just buy it. And then somehow magically transport it home. :)

Mom and Dad also picked me up some pyrex dishes and some pots, so I'm on my way to stocking a kitchen. The pyrex ware is a "lovely" shade of blue, and includes a flan dish, so I have to learn to make flan, according to my dad. My mom chimes in: "She can make pies in it, too!" I find this amusing, 'cause I make a lot of pies. :)

Actually, I make a graham-cracker crumb crust/chocolate pudding pie from scratch. It's tasty-licious, so I'll stop undermining my own stories now.

I was pretty exhausted at work yesterday, and the day seemed to just drag. I was drinking lots of water to try to soothe my throat, so it also meant that I went to the bathroom no less than about a million times during my shift, which was kinda frustrating.

We're getting new turbo machines at work soon, so they're kinda half set up. One or two of them around one side of the cash rack (yeah, that's right, I said rack, not wrap!) beep or make various noises occasionally. One of the seniors went over to one and picked up the pin pad to listen to see if it was still making noises, and I found this funny enough that I laughed for awhile. She started laughing too, 'cause she knew she looked kinda goonie.

Which also reminds me... one day recently I was working the other side of the rack and something someone said amused me and I laughed loud -- for those of you who've heard me laugh loud, you'll know what this laugh is. Anyhow, one guy was leaning against the end of the rack, reading a magazine, and he turned and gave me a dirty look. The fuck? Ah well, we've already established that customers are asses.

Got together for a quick drink at Second Cup with E and R, one of the other cashiers at work. E did his usual puppy with ADD conversational links, and when he went to get himself a drink R and I discussed it somewhat and I gave her some ideas of what I do when I want to throw him off course. He came back and we wound up on a total work rant, all the various things we hate about customers and how they can't seem to find anything for themselves or even think for themselves. I wouldn't mind working in retail so much if it weren't for the shit pay, sore feet, and stupid, ignorant people.

At the same time, I think I had a few guys giving me the once-over yesterday. It seemed as if two guys that I can think of gave me more appreciative looks than I'm used to getting, so that was kinda cool. Nothing was said, and I think a third might've been flirting a wee bit, but I'm usually bad at reading those things.

In other news... C and E double-teamed me to stamp me yesterday. The ink in our stamps thingys doesn't wash away easily, and I wasn't super-thrilled. Of course, I did poke E with a marker first, but he smushed me, so it's all kinda cyclical. We were *really* bored by that point in the day; the rush had completely died off and we were all just kinda marking time until we could leave. I chatted for awhile with a few of the other coworkers at various points in the day: J, who I call sunshine 'cause he always seems bitter and angry, but we talked and I think we're kinda friendly now; and K, who I think is new (or was away for awhile, I don't remember), he and I chatted about music. As you may have noticed, I'm not aiming for grammatical accuracy today.

Ah well... it feels nice to sit and write for awhile. It's not as if there's been a lot going on lately, just the usual work baloney, although getting to see Big A for awhile last week was cool. I had a dream that I saw a twin friend of mine, but it was at some weird social event where D's friend Kira was skating around and lighting designs she'd pre-drawn in gasoline on fire with a candle. It was all done to music and very cool.

In other news, there's a crapload of dust and cat hair in my keyboard. :P I'm looking forward to playing house in September. I've already told E he has to hang out a lot so that I don't get lonely. I just hope I'm not too cramped for space, 'cause that's part of what makes it hard for me to get motivated to clean my room now; there's nowhere to put anything, so I don't try to put it anywhere else.

Anyhow, gotta get some breakfast into me. I'm more alert now, and I still have some errands to run before I head downtown. Must remember to deposit paycheques and hopefully get writing in my various notebooks and for Whore's Boudoir. I have a few potentially good ideas percolating for articles, so I hope they pan out nicely.


Urgh. Throat still sore. Still feel like ass. No one appears to be updating their websites. Up way too early -- notice it's before 7 a.m.? That's right, I've been up since 6:30, since we have to drive 45 minutes to a freakin' garage sale out in the middle of nowhere. And this is in spite of the rain; "maybe we'll get a better deal" she says. Pfft.

I'm grumpy. I've decided that'll be my status for today.

I'm going to see, if we have time, if I can swing by one of those clinics and get my throat checked out. I can generally deal with illnesses until they pass, but this doesn't seem to be showing any improvement in any direction, so I want drugs to fix it. *pout* Maybe if I have something severely contagious, it'll keep D and E away from my food, the moochers. :)


Still tired, still some ill. I feel at my worst first thing in the morning.

I went to my second pet store today in the quest for food for the fish; second place to be sold out of that food which the wee ones prefer. Kinda annoying, to be honest. At least I'm not right out of food.

Watched Ice Age today with D; entertaining movie. I still think Boo from Monsters, Inc. was cuter, though.

D prevented me from spending money on DVDs today; I have to remember that I have a birthday coming up, and hope that there will be love shown my way. I had a list of things I wanted, but so far I can't seem to get beyond seasons 2 and 3 of Buffy; I know there are other things, but I just can't recall what. Maybe someone to pick out nice bras for me that happen to fit and be comfortable? I hate bra shopping and shoe shopping. And yet somehow, I am still a woman.

Meh. Must actually get some sleep. I didn't go to work today, so tomorrow has the potential for a great deal of business, especially since I have to depart at 3:30 for book store stuff. Must remember to talk to my manager about my evaluation -- a $0.25 raise is a big deal.

I also began my potential career as a temp yesterday. I did the interview process and took the Word and general typing tests. The tests were kinda ass -- I somehow managed to score higher on the advanced word questions than I did on the intermediate ones, which led to some mocking from E ("Oh, you can't open the bag of cookies? Perhaps it's an intermediate bag of cookies!"), but there you have it. The keyboard was also somewhat ass, so my typing wasn't what it should've been, but I still managed a respectable 77 words a minute, so I can't complain too loudly.

Anyhow, off to bed for me now. No sleeping in until 1 tomorrow. :P


Urgh. Feeling pretty zonked on the cold front. It's just in the back of my throat, it seems; no runny nose, no congested lungs, nothing else... just a sore throat and a general feeling of crappage. I should probably cut out the cold meds, but I feel as if they're kinda helping. Maybe they're just keeping me high (a valuable service to provide, in and of itself).

Got to hang out with big A for a little while the other night. We grabbed some cheesecake and did some catching up. 'Twas good times, and it's funny that I'd been thinking and talking about him just the day before. Tried to go and meet one of E's friends afterwards, but he was out, so no luck there.

Last night I got together with E at my place, and he got to meet the cats and folks. We hung out much more with the cats, and watched some Bad Boys, which neither of us had seen before. Not too bad, pretty fun. E commented throughout that Martin Lawrence is full of rage, and keep quoting things he'd seen out of the trailer for Bad Boys II. I drove him home and fell asleep in his place for a little while, then drove back home, praying the whole time that there was enough gas in the car to get me back. There was. I sent love to the car the whole time we drove, and I think it paid off.

Today I didn't get out of bed until 1, then felt like ass for awhile and called in sick. I just didn't have the energy to run for the bus, which I would've had to at that point, and I would've been pretty late anyhow by then. So today has consisted of hanging around and doing dick all. I picked up another DVD of Muppets episodes and Muppets in Space yesterday, so I finished off one episode and some Buffy this afternoon, as well as a bit of television and some reading. It's all about making me feel better. :)

D's supposed to pick me up shortly, and we're going to be running some errands and then renting a flick. I don't have the energy to do much of anything, but I don't want to just sit around the house tonight. I might have to interact with my family, and that would just be unthinkable. :)


D said yesterday that he had written out a huge reply to many of the comments that have come up about smoking, but it kept getting lost, so I will compose it here for him: "Everyone just accept my smoking, 'cause it's awesome and cool and the hardest thing I've ever done would be to quit my four-cigarette a day habit. It relaxes me after my stressful days at the bookstore, and it's made me a better lover, because it dulls my tastebuds." Or something.

Please note that that's tongue-in-cheek, totally, and I'll probably get shit from D later for having written it. :)

This waking up early thing is for the birds. They can have it. Especially when I feel sick and don't want to do anything aside from mope and feel sorry for myself.

Mope, mope, mope. I'm coming down with a cold. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm tired.

There, got that out of my system.

And that's all for now; gotta get moving. :P
Okay, so I'm severely straight... with some decent amount of gay in there, too. Or something. Not sure.

Anyhow, been perusing my referral logs for both my sites (a fun thing to do, I find), and I'm learning that the Litterbox (this one) isn't anywhere near the highest referrer to Whore's Boudoir (that one). I'm not sure if I should feel sad about that or not, but it's entertaining. :)

Bed time for me. Biggish day tomorrow, and I think I'm coming down with a cold. Fuck. :P


Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
CategoryYour Score Average
When I think about you - or anyone - I touch myself
It takes a couple of drinks
Sex Drive 39.5%
I got needs, baby, you gotta unnastan'!
Knows the other body type like a map
Gayness 26.8%
At least one weekend of ecstacy
Fucking Sick68.1%
Dipped into depravity
You are 41.94% pure
Average Score: 72.1%
Btw, new article up at Whore's Boudoir.
Man, have I started a bit of a shitstorm with regards to the smoking thing. Yay for me. :)

Anyhow, got a few things coming together over the next little while (possibly)... it all remains to be seen, and I'm not really saying anything, just teasing with the comment.

I'm going to cave and get my hair cut tomorrow, if I can get my ass out of bed on time. I need to start sleeping better hours; I keep waking up feeling like I have a cold, and it sucks monkey ass.

Today at work was pretty dull. I was the only one on the schedule until close, but it was pretty dead. Myself and another girl were spending some time trying to figure out tricks with our phone system. We were unsuccessful so far, but we'll get it figured out.

I also picked up a few books with my book bonus; a Salman Rushdie (been meaning to try him out; Satanic Verses is on my eventual list), a Rita Rudner book (possibly my favourite comedian), and a book by someone that D happens to know... the hardcover version was in our bargain section for $10, down from the original $42 or whatever it was (and which I was prepared to pay). Nice... except for when I have to go move them. Damn.

I keep meaning to mention, last week it was absolutely dead, and I was working with E and two other fun people. Someone had left a German phrasebook by my till, so I amused myself for a bit too long with reading out various phrases in (really awful) German. The book was organized by subject, with other little "emergency" bits -- like the section that had "what the doctor might ask you." I got to ask E if he'd had his period, or if he was pregnant.

From there, I moved into the sex section of the booklet, with its pick up lines and things you might need to say in German -- phrases such as, "fuck me" (harder/softer/slower/faster), and I learned that Sex and the City had it right when Samantha told Richard that fuck me in German was fich mikh (I think that's how it's spelled).

Anyhow, my hands-down favourite phrase in the whole book was "I can't get it up -- sorry." It wasn't even the fact that they included it, or even that it was a phrase someone might practice, but the sorry that was tacked on to the end. In text, it seemed so half-hearted, or without any meaning to it. E and the others felt it was amusing that someone would need to actually say "I can't get it up" -- after all, isn't it somewhat obvious?

And now that all of my male readers have finished crying in sympathy for the poor guy who can't get it up... or even the younger ones are questioning the "can't get it upness" of it all (yes, it'll happen to you, too), I'll move on to another subject. :)

Okay, so I have nothing left. Can't decide if I want a nap or if I want to try to write. Hrm. Writing it is. :) (A decision that I only took about two seconds to make).


Urgh. Been dealing with some writer's block for Whore's Boudoir. Partly it feels like I can't find the voice I want for it, and partly it's feeling as if I should feel guilty for everything I post.

See, I posted an article awhile back about foreskin, and that led someone down a particular path leading to jealousy and anger and frustration. This kind of thing is something I've been a little too conscious of, and perhaps I need to let it go; learn that I must forget my audience and post from me.

I have a past. I am no virgin, and have not been for way too long. I may have made some choices that weren't entirely wise, but they're part of my past and I've learned from them. Yes, that which I post to the WB is generally from my own personal experience -- they always say to write what you know, no? -- but sometimes conversations arise that lead to a new post (a la You did what on my what?!?). Sometimes I sit down and think over my past experiences and I remember something and I manage to turn it into an article.

Just because I write about something doesn't mean that I did it yesterday.

Bah. Apparently this is going to be another (or several) open letter(s); maybe it's easier to communicate with people this way, instead of face-to-face or on the phone? Lord knows my schedule hasn't allowed for a lot of face-to-face interactions, and my own mental confusion hasn't allowed for a lot of figuring of things out.

Sometimes it feels as if I'm playing a game. Sometimes it feels as if both of us are feeling the other out, tossing out phrases or ideas or thoughts to see how the other will react to it. I think we're both waiting for the other to take the first step and make the suggestion... and on one hand, I'm thinking I could maybe do it. On the other hand, is it fair to ask? I know I've been through a few relationships and sometimes I feel like that gives me more insight, more of a feeling of being settled about things.

I worry when people say things to me. I worry when I watch other people and feel jealous about it and I know I don't have the right to feel it; but emotions are stupid and don't make sense and aren't supposed to be logical... at least, that's what I always say. Just because I shouldn't feel something doesn't mean that I don't, and that's why I keep it to myself -- because you're just going to tell me that this is how my situation is, so why are you feeling that way? How do you think I feel?

Yeah, I know. I know I know I know.

September's going to be an interesting month, that's for sure. Sometimes I really hate having my birthday at the end of August.


Okay, finally got my Yahoo Calendar up and running. Now people can see when I'm working (sorta), and know when I might be free (sorta). I'll try to remember to publish the major events here, too, so they can be known of in advance. Don't know how efficient I'll be at it, but it's worth a shot. :)
Woot! Some support on my side for the anti-smoking thing. Go Kira. :)
Okay, some more info on everything. Stupid five minutes of updating time, here and there; no real time for me. Grr.

Actually, that's a lie. I've had some Buffy time over the last little while -- got through one or two episodes. I also managed to get over to Ben's today to give him his birthday gifts and his Angel back (which means I now need to either buy or borrow it), so that's all good.

Anyhow, the new place. Woot! It's the second one I looked at, and I had a good feeling about it. It's a block away from E's place, which means I can throw things at his house if I want to. :) It's about four or five blocks from both jobs, which is great; it means that I can start getting more sleep and more exercise, since I'll be walking to and from work all the time.

I also save money on a bus pass, since I no longer have to make the hour plus trek to anything downtown; I'll be living almost in the middle of it now. It'll be about a ten or fifteen minute walk to get groceries and stuff, but I don't have to go anywhere for laundry; it's right at the back of the building, I just go out my backdoor and turn left.

The place itself is a one-bedroom. The kitchen is fairly small, but the bathroom is a good size, just narrow. There's a smallish living room, and then the bedroom itself. I saw it furnished, and the girl who lives there now had two couches in the living room facing one another, and she had a double bed in a nook in the bedroom. This means that my single bed will fit great, and I can upgrade if I want to and not have to worry about it not fitting.

I'll have room for my computer desk (which was also in the bedroom), and hopefully enough room near the bathroom or something to set up my stereo. I'll have a pull-out instead of two couches, so that'll go well in the living room with a television facing or something.

The other nice thing about being downtown at this point means that I'll have lots of friends nearby, in case I get lonely (which is a bit of a fear). I can go bug E, I can bus or walk out to see big A, and there are a fair number of others within a short walk or bus ride.

I'll probably get a cat a little later on; it'll be nice to have the company, and I think just one, raised from a kitten, will adapt well. I couldn't afford to have two just yet, and I really wouldn't want to have two in a place that small. However, as I'm wee, I'll do fine. :)

Anyhow, time to get going for now. More and more later.


Weird, weird, weird. Blogger was only using that format when I logged on at E's place. When I log on here, it's the same format it's been using for awhile. Makes no sense!

Anyhow, rationally, I know all of the things that D and Shawn said. I know that quitting for someone else is the worst possible reason to do so, and I know that trying to force someone to change their habits doesn't work. Biting nails can be comparable, 'cause it's also relaxing and good to reduce stress and all that. Your body also gets accustomed to it and starts to require it after awhile.

Bleh. Anyways... I was basically having a really emotional, whiny, frustrated day yesterday, so I ranted at the time. I apologize profusely to everyone involved. :)

And in better news.... I just got the phone call -- I got the place I looked at yesterday. Fuck me! I'd go into more detail, but I have to shower and be ready to go very soon, as he's coming out to sign the lease.
Okay, blogger has changed over to another new format for posting, and I don't like it. It currently feels like blogging for dummies, and it annoys me.

Then again, today I feel annoyed by ... well, nothing really. However, there's a friend of mine who's probably vastly annoyed by me, especially lately. See, smoking really bothers me. Sure, when it's a group of scrawny little 14-year old girls that are taking up sidewalk space, it annoys me. Get the fuck out of my way, you useless little punkettes. I don't care that they're destroying their health, I just care that they look like morons and they're blocking my way. I have two jobs, I'm more important.

But when it's a friend of mine, it bothers me a lot. When it's my family, it bothers me a lot. When it's someone that I know well, that I care about, it bothers me a lot. Everything about it bothers me -- the smell, the waste of money, the idea of what it's doing to their bodies, the fact that they have a total addiction to something that's so detrimental to their health, and the fact that kissing a smoker is gross. As I describe it: look at an ashtray that's been used a bit. Now, lick it. That's the joy of kissing a smoker.

Admittedly it's not that bad when it's someone that doesn't smoke that often, but it's still generally, overall and extremely unpleasant. I love kissing, so why spoil it with something as noxious as smoking?

So I generally avoid dating smokers wherever and whenever I can. It works out well for me. Right now, the vast majority of my friends (I'd wager 99% of them) are non-smokers, so it's rarely an issue for me. However, in the last few months I've befriended someone who is a smoker, and so we harken back to the original thesis of this (past the blogger bitching), and we get around to my actual point. That is, I feel bad that I've been nagging at this person so much for smoking, but at the same time, I can't seem to help it. If we were just acquaintances, then I might not say much about it. But we're close, and I care about him, and so I nag. Then I feel bad, but I can't seem to stop.

I don't get smokers. So many of them claim they want to quit, but I can't help but believe that it's all horseshit. Complete and utter horseshit. If you want to quit, then quit. Don't fuck around and say that you do and whine about how it empties your pocketbook and how it's so bad for your health and how much you hate it... it's like listening to the coworker talking about how much he hated his job all over again. If you're not going to fucking do something about it, then shut the fuck up. Tell me to fuck off if someone teases you about quitting. Don't say crap about how you know they're right, and you really should and you want to, when your tone states, "I'm too fucking lazy to quit 'cause it's just easier not to and we both know it and I'm just saying all of this to appease you."

*grump* Yeah, so that's that. Urgh. I bit my nails for years and years -- I only quit it about two months ago. I'm not saying it's completely comparable, but it kinda is. I wasn't able to quit until I really wanted to, until I got tired of it. The same goes for smokers. My parents quit smoking after thirty years of smoking a pack a day. I can't help but think that if they can do it -- after a thirty year habit -- then every single person I know who has smoked for a year or two or three can quit, they just have to actually get some willpower and do it.

I know this is basically an open letter to my friend who I've been bugging. This is all of my frustrations and whatnot compiled into one mass rant. It'll probably happen again, but here it is for now and posterity. The thing is, it seems the more I care about someone, the more it bugs me, hence the nagging. I didn't nag my parents, 'cause I knew it wouldn't do anything to change them. Part of me feels like I could change things if I nag my friends, though. Part of me thinks that if people cared enough about how I thought, they'd change. That's totally unfair -- it's the old, 'If you loved me enough, you would' -- but it feels that way, sorta. Kinda. I dunno.

Anyhow, the last few days have been kinda quiet. I chatted with Mark for awhile last night, and that was good. What else? It's been quiet. I said that already. I thought I had things to say, but I can't seem to recall them. I'm off for now, otherwise E won't stop whining. :P


I didn't know they could charge so much for such a small closet. I don't have a lot of stuff (okay, I kinda do), but even furniture-wise, what I have, wouldn't fit in that place.

Looking at another today, and another tomorrow. We'll see how it goes.


Made an appointment to go check out an apartment downtown. It's $650/month, all inclusive (minus cable and phone). It has a fridge and stove, and it's a one-bedroom.

Mom and I were trying to ballpark my take-home, and if it's the approximate amount I think it is, I have no idea why I'm broke all the time.

Oh, wait. It's 'cause I buy lots of junk food and books. Stupid me.
Well, I survived without biting anyone's head off. I was pretty tired this morning, and it wasn't very busy, so I found it hard to have any energy whatsoever for the first part of the day; it just seemed to drag. :P

Around 2:30, 3 o'clock, though, the customer-traffic started to pick up a lot, so I was steadily busy for the remainder of the shift. On my lunch break, N, my favourite gay boyfriend in the world came up behind me and gave me some smooches on the temple and told me to, "Smile, sunshine!" He's so awesome, and he's kinda close to my height (5'7" to my 5'2"), so it's great to hug him. He's adorable, and he wants D to be gay. :)

Hung out with E after the shift ended. We grabbed some dinner at Subway, then headed over to his place to eat. He fiddled on the computer for a bit while I tried to nap, then we were off to watch "Simply Irresistible," an old Sarah Michelle Gellar movie, made during her first or possibly second (though I'm pretty sure it was first) season of Buffy (according to IMDB, it was released in 1999, so it's newer than we realized). It was pretty awful and incomprehensible, and neither of us could really bear to finish it. It's kind of a poor man's (read: American's) version of "Like Water for Chocolate," which is much, much better, though subtitled. Anyhow, we then put on Robin Hood: Men in Tights, which I hadn't seen in ages, and about half-way through I fell asleep and finally got my nap. I slept for probably about 20 minutes or so, but it felt good.

We hung out for awhile, then headed out to check out the fireworks. We'd walked about a block from E's place when they started, so we simply stood on the street corner and watched until they were done. Headed back to his place and hung out for awhile longer, then we headed off so I could catch the bus back to where I'd parked.

I got on a bus and managed to make it about a third of the way along. Someone was smoking nearby, which pisses me off, but it didn't seem to be for too long. I tried to call one of our security guards on his cell, who'd been hanging out with D earlier in the evening (and who kept calling me), but he wasn't picking up. I gave up on that and happened to glance down the length of the bus, to the back, when I noticed an arm and a shirt that I thought I recognized. I looked up and realized, "I know that hair!"

I made my way to about the middle of the bus and hollered at D twice, catching his attention the second time. He worked his way up towards me and I offered him a lift home, which he accepted. We compared notes on our respective evenings, and I commented on his state of inebriation. He was functional, but I could tell he was drunk -- especially the way he was harping about the bus smelling like shit when we debarked. Anyhow, we hung out for awhile in the park near his house, then I dropped him off and came home.

I also ran into the mother of two good friends of mine while at work, and that was cool. I learned one of them is in town right now, so I must call him up and chew him out for not having gotten in touch with me at Christmas time, when I saw his brother. *grrr* :)

All-in-all, not a half-bad day, especially considering what a crap ass Canada Day I had last year. I need to start looking at my finances and the potential for apartments, though; I really really really really really need to move out. *sigh* Really. Like, a lot. *sigh*

In the meantime, I'm off to bed. Digger's getting pretty impatient and I'm looking forward to many hours of blissful rest, that do not include a forced wake up in the morning. Not that I've been waking up to my alarm clock; I generally seem to wake up just before it, or Digger helps out. Damn cat. :) Maybe tomorrow night I'll finally get to clean my room and continue boxing things up for storage purposes. :P

Oh yes, and before I forget again: I also got an email for affiliate potential for Whore's Boudoir, which is pretty cool. I'd see 15% of any sales I refer to them, so I've filled out the form and I'm waiting to see what the catch happens to be. :)


Work, then undecided. Try calling my cell after 5; I should be able to answer it then.

Conversely, you can find me at work. Once upon a time, when I was a wee young thing, I used to have things called "days off." They tended to coincide with holidays and weekends. I remember them fondly...