2002/05/30

So, over the past few days of my little vacation (of which today is the last day), I have been more or less avoiding the computer. Well, not so much avoiding as simply not being on it for twelve hours a day. This means I'm not having little meaningless conversations all day, and I'm focusing on me, which is good.

Yesterday I did my yoga tape, with Digger wanting attention the whole time, so that wasn't so good. I worked around him, though. :) Then I tried to go for a jog, decided 'this is for the birds', and went out for a bike ride, instead. Now, I did all of this at about 12:30, 1 in the afternoon, so it was pretty warm out. I felt good afterwards, though. I came home, planted myself downstairs on the couch and watched Empire Records, and just enjoyed relaxing for a bit. Afterwards, went upstairs, finally had my shower, and headed off to school. I called the coworker after class to say hi to him, and he was pretty sick, so I wound up driving him home. Then, after he felt better, he drove me back to my place.

Today's plan, if I can get my butt going, is to do some laundry, clean my room, and probably clean the kitchen, too. I'm also supposed to get together with the pizza guy, but that won't be until later tonight.

Two nights ago, I got together with a bunch of friends from high school. It was kinda fun, wandering around my neighbourhood and just picking up the people that were home. Made a bit of a collection. :)

Anyhow, time for me to check on the cats and get moving.

2002/05/29


Which Buffy Girl Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

Of course, seeing as how I don't watch Buffy, this doesn't mean a whole lot to me :)


Which Sex and the City Player Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

2002/05/28

Argh. Why do I find Trading Spaces so addictive? I watched the final tape of Sex and the City (final five episodes), and I want to watch season four now, and get caught up, especially since I've seen a bunch of episodes from season four, it seems, just not in order. Now I've watched seasons one through three in order, and I need to get it straight. :)

The people on Trading Spaces always have such huge rooms to work with. I'd love to see them try to do something in my room... especially my crates of books. Tee hee. :)

Mom came in my room this morning to tell me all the errands she wanted me to do, and Shadow came in and burrowed under the covers. It was pretty funny. Later this evening, Mom went to shoo Shadow off the couch, since she wasn't supposed to be up there, and in direct defiance of Mom's claims that Shadow listens to her (which she's said on other occasions, though not this one), Shadow mrowed at her and turned around to settle down. I found it really amusing. You kinda had to be there, but it was funny. :)

Anyhow, doctor's appointment in the morning (tomorrow's errand), as well as dropping off the jacket to be repaired, whih I never did today, and maybe clean the room before heading off to yoga. I'm biking tomorrow, that's for sure... so long as the weather cooperates, that is.

2002/05/27

Make that about a billion errands. She just wants me out of the house. :)
I forgot to mention yesterday that H was chatting with me recently (Friday? something like that). She asked if I'd been in touch with the pizza guy, and I was thinking, "Uh, I was over at the house when you were there, remember?", but I didn't say that. I just said yes, that we chat, and yes, that things are okay. I mentioned it to him, and he figured she was asking if I'd been speaking to him because of his hermitting. So, that's that.

Today's day of laziness is progressing well. I think the days will be a bit better when Mom's not home, which makes it tough to be a true slug, but she's just home on Mondays, so it's okay.

Anyhow, time to get dressed and start on today's errands, of which I now have four, since Mom added one. I was going to bike to all of them, but now I think I'll just drive, 'cause I feel really lazy. Tomorrow, I will bike. That will be tomorrow's errand. :)
Argh. Stupid computer just up and barfed on me in mid-post. Okay, starting over.

Background: A couple of weeks ago, I toddled into Classic to ask questions about jewelry changing. I spoke with Dan, the other piercer at the studio, and got some answers and wandered off on my merry way. Made an appointment to have some jewelry changed, wound up having to special order it, it finally arrived (from Vancouver), I made an appointment to go and have it changed and also have a helix piercing done at the same time. Wound up missing my bus, late for the appointment, just had the jewelry change, Dan did the changing. We chatted a bit as it was being done, I made another appointment, off I went.

Nowground: This Thursday rolls around, I go in (early, this time) for my appointment. I chat with the girl who works at the counter for quite awhile, discussing various piercings, and just joking around and having fun. Dan's ready and set up, I go in and he asks me if I want to hear about his big disappointment for the day, so he tells me and we talk about procedure and whatnot as he's getting cleaned and ready. As he's setting up and marking and just checking out the beauty that is my left ear, we're chatting about movies. He asks me if I've seen Star Wars and Spiderman, I say yes and we compare notes a bit, mainly on how the romance in both movies kinda bogged things down a bit. I tell him I don't like Kirsten Dunst at all, and that maybe they could have chosen a real redhead to play Mary Jane, or if not that, then just a better actress, period, and dyed her hair (since Dunst is a natural blonde and really seems to fit that stereotype, much as I hate to buy into it). He tells me *I* should have played Mary Jane. I have no idea how to respond to that, it being having so many things wrong with it, but being kinda nice anyhow. :) (Things wrong with it: I can't act, I'm not a redhead. The list continues, just not right now. :)

So, we start chatting some more about movies as he's closing up the ring and cleaning me up and I don't even really remember the proper sequence at this point. :) We get on the subject of stupid movies, and I say how they're fun once in awhile, I mention "Not Another Teen Movie," he says it's hilarious. He tells me about the Jackass videos, which I've never seen, but I saw the guy on Blind Date, and I think it's Tom Greenish humour that I wouldn't appreciate, but what the heck. After he finishes up with the piercing, he asks me how old I am. I think, "Shouldn't this have happened before you pierced me? But you know I'm likely over 16, so..." I tell him, then I say, "Lemme guess, you're like 27 or 28, right?" He's all pleased with that, "You think I'm 27?" I ask how old he is, he says 22. I explain that usually it seems like anytime someone asks me my age and I reveal it, they turn out to be 27, 28, and they run in fear from my lowly 21 (22 in August!). So, conversation wraps up, we head back out front (having spent most of my half hour plus chatting, the piercing being merely a sideline), and he hands me a flyer (part of the big disappointment story) for an event going on later, and invites me to show up. First, however, he tells me that if I ever want someone to watch NATM with, I should call him up, that he'd watch it again. So, his next appointment shows up, I'm chatting with them and the counter girl (I wish I knew her name, what a derogatory term) again a bit, they head in, I ask her a few questions about my navel, and off I go to work.

Geez, I'm good at tedium. :)

I head into work, and since I'm about an hour early, I kill time by harrassing people. In this event, it was hanging out in my Sunday studio and harrassing J and L. L calls me beautiful (has done on a few occasions now, including Saturday, IIRC), and seems to be flirting a bit. I was flirting with him, so that wasn't helping; I was poking him with my foot and just teasing him, we were both talking about sex, I making judgmental jokes about french people, 'cause he's french and knows that I'm just kidding. On Saturday, we were back and forth in each other's studios, and I asked him what he was doing when he was off work, 'cause I'm nosy. He said he wasn't sure, likely just going home, and JC (one of the other ops, and an older guy, like 50s or so) said that L should invite me to his place. I didn't really say anything, and the invitiation wasn't extended anyways. Maybe I should have encouraged, but I didn't want to push, and I was too damn tired on Saturday to do much of anything, anyways. I would have been terrible company. I fell asleep on the bus home, at the bus station while I was waiting to transfer, and I was asleep by about 1:30. It felt good. :)

So that's my basic update. I rented the first four episodes of season three of Sex and the City on Friday and watched those with coworker and his roommate. I got home and got to bed later than I should have, which explains why I was so exhausted on Saturday. Plus, I just haven't been sleeping great the last few days, and not being able to put the left side of my head on my pillow hasn't been helping. I usually sleep on my stomach, with one knee drawn up and my head turned to the side... and the last few nights I'd give chocolate to be able to sleep on that side. :P :)

Anyhow, Saturday night I rented the next two tapes and watched 9 episodes straight, which was great. Either today (Monday) or Tuesday I'll rent the last tape and be completely caught up... okay, not completely, there still being a season four and maybe five to great through, but closer than I was. :)

When Kim heads off to school in the fall, Dad's upgrading our systems, and I'm likely going to buy a DVD drive at that time, so I can watch DVDs in the privacy of my own room... and rent DVD porn games! Yay! :)

And so that's tonight's update. I'm taking a few days off from work (although not school or yoga), and so hopefully I'll be more inclined to post, and perhaps even have something worth posting! Got (tentative) plans with pizza guy on Thursday, since I had to reschedule last week. I'm not entirely sure still if I want to try to resurrect or start up something with him, or just completely swear off guys as I've been kinda saying I have (two months and counting!), just haven't formalized. Still need to sit and have a conversation about that with the coworker, but just haven't really wanted to. :P

Also have to get in to see my doc, get my jacket repaired (now that both zippers have busted), and get to the library. Maybe I'll get the bike out tomorrow and do the errands that way. Exercise! I need it. :P

Well, Digger's come in a few times to hint that it's past bedtime, so I'm off. Maybe more to come if anything interesting happens, but for now I'm just trying the hermit route. :)

2002/05/24

I'm Purple! Click to see what color you are!

I agree :)
Sorry for the lack of updates here... just been busy entertaining the ex- and some other family friends who were in town, plus working... hasn't left much time for sitting and thought-articulating.

Been a strange day today, involving my piercer (the other one who works at Classic, Dan), a guy from work who I trained once upon a time, and to some extent the coworker. I'm not going to go into detail on it now, 'cause I want to try to get a decent night's sleep, which I did and didn't do last night, and I figure I'll make time for it tomorrow. Hopefully.

But briefly, got the helix done, it's tender. Owie. I hit it a few times by accident, which sucked, and I can certainly feel it, but it's not too bad. Apparently I bled when it was done, which has been the same for most of my piercings (not the case for the navel or the lobes). *shrug* Doesn't worry me unless it's gushing and non-stop. :) Turns out that my navel has formed scar tissue but likely isn't rejecting, so I'll just be leaving it alone. If it does reject completely, then we'll see what happens.

I bought a yoga tape the other night when the ex- and I hit Chapters, and I did one of the two work outs on it this morning. Didn't seem too stressful, and I'm going to try to incorporate that and the Pilates tape into some kind of regular workout. When the weather finally balances out into usual summer for the area, then I'll hopefully expand my workout regime to include the great outdoors.

I'm also off from work for Monday through Thursday of next week. I still have class and yoga, but otherwise I'm just going to do what I can to pamper myself for a few days, get to see my doctor and change the meds, and otherwise simply relax and rejuvinate. Should be good. In the meantime, some reading and some bedtime. Night folks.

2002/05/19

I'm just stupid in the head, I think. Just stupid in the head. I'd finally reached my decision, just gotta actually talk to the people involved, and made some minor allusions to it, and it seems the pizza guy isn't willing. If that's the case, after a more spelled-out conversation, then I'll just be single and enjoy it. I know that's what my boss/friend feels I should do. :)

The ex- is in town... he's being snuggly and cuddly and I'm letting it happen, but I'm holding myself kinda back from it. For some reason just now, I feel like crying. No reason behind it, just happened. I don't know... it just feels like I could fall into it so easily, but I'm trying not to. I'm still bothered by the idea of his ex- and the fact that they're still in touch... Maybe that's what's bringing on this emotional feeling. *sigh*

I don't know. I keep looking at the type of kiss I am, and it boils down to what I said awhile ago... I want to be able to be sweet and caring with someone, but I'm so busy either protecting myself or being angry/frustrated that I just can't be that person. That, and few people would be willing to say I was innocent. Naive, sure. Innocent? No.

*sigh* And I'm horny. Ah well... not desperately so, and not "I need to get fucked" so, but it exists.

I wish I could get away for awhile. I might take a week off from work and just hermit as much as I can (minus school and yoga, which I enjoy). I want to get some yoga equipment, including a tape or two, and get into that habit. Soon enough I'll break out the pilates tape and get back to doing that. So I say, that is. *sigh*

Which Kiss are You?

Which Kiss Are You?



I'm going to do it again... I picked the green eye colour... now I'll try with blue (my real eye colour).

*laugh* Okay, same results, even with different picks for a few questions. Guess it's me. :) Thanks Di. :)

2002/05/17

I'm so tired. :( I don't know what time I went to bed, but I kinda not really screwed up on setting my alarm, so I was up earlier than intended, but it's okay. Going to see Star Whores... then go to work for a bit, then meet with my group members for a bit (hopefully not too long... I really don't want to be at work until two in the morning). *sigh* I go shower now, see if that wakes me up.
I wound up missing my 3:00 o'clock bus today, so I was running behind for my appointment and only got the jewelry changed. It's nice, it's smaller, so I think it'll be more comfortable, even though it still twists to the side. Ah well. The appointment for the helix is next week, and I may wind up moving it up, we'll see. It was Dan, not Ian, who changed my jewelry, and I've chatted with him on a number of occasions, and he seems pretty nice... I had this weird vibe of thinking I should ask him out on a date. :) We'll see if I decide to do it next week (which means naw, it's not going to happen).

The ex- is in town for a bit less than a week (got in yesterday afternoon), and I'm trying to figure out things from that end. I still feel like I've shut down, even to him, and I think he feels it, but he's not saying anything (yet) about it. I just ... even though I'm (kinda) not involved with anyone right now, since it's all up in the air, even though I am still more or less tied to the coworker since nothing official's been declared, and even though the ex- isn't involved with anyone, so I'm thinking, hey, it's kinda okay... it's kinda not. So, I don't want to get involved in a situation where I feel obligated to the ex- again and feel guilty if I start dating someone out here, even though he's going to be doing the same thing out there. I feel comfortable around him though, and it's nice to talk to him in person, since I just don't seem to like conversing online with some people as much as I used to (namely, the coworker and the ex-).

I had another thought in here, but now it's gone. Today feels like a Friday, instead of a Thursday, mainly because I was working and I don't usually do that, and everything just feels weekendy. Meh. I'm aiming for an early bedtime/early wakeup, since I'm going to see Star Whores tomorrow morning with the coworker and then off to work and then and then and then... longish day. Urgh. Then I get to work Saturday, Sunday, and Monday... I ask again, what's a holiday? *sigh* S'okay, time and a half, and I should really pester my boss again about that whole raise thing, since I think it's been three weeks now... Blah.

Got my marks for the last semester: a A+, two A-s, a B+, and a B. I think the B could've been higher, but I don't really care too much... one more year, and then I'm done for awhile, so I can't complain about that! :)

Anyhow, off to snuggle with the kitties, admire my new jewelry and read for a bit. :)

2002/05/15

So, when left to my own devices, I am a complete and utter sloth. How do I know that? You ask (well, for the purposes of this narration, you do). Let's see... for the past two weeks or so, my average bedding-down time is around 2 - 3 a.m. When I try to get to sleep earlier than that (like when I have to get up in the morning, namely on Friday evenings), it doesn't work. Last night, I decided to crash at 3:15 a.m. I fell asleep not too long afterwards, and woke up around 7 a.m. when others were moving around, then finally got out of bed at 1 -- when my cell phone was ringing. I was lying in bed at the time, trying to figure out why I couldn't get back to sleep. Now, in my favour, I managed to get showered, dressed, dry my hair and on the 1:30 bus... although I wound up having a very late breakfast at Gurber King/McDick's as a result (Chicken Whopper Jr. from the first, chocolate shake from the second 'cause they didn't have shakes at the place I went to. :P)

Aside from that... got a phone call from Classic II, my piercing studio -- my jewelry has arrived. Yay! :) Ian, the piercer, said it's really nice, and kinda rounded, not a typical D-ring, so it should be comfortable. I'm also going to get a helix piercing done at the same time, and talk to him about my navel, as it's unfortunately growing out.

Turns out my articles for our group paper are useless, so I had to go to the library this afternoon and get some more. I think I have some good ones (and they're shorter than the last ones, yay!), so I'm going to get to work on that... gotta read 'em and write up some info on them for our paper. *sigh* The prof extended the due date for the paper, which is good, but it's still a bloody annoying paper. He says that all the groups usually get Ds on the first versions, and he lets us redo them, which is great... but when we have a paper due *next* week as well, who has time to be rewriting all the damn things? *sigh*

Anyhow, I'm off to get started on that stuff... at the lovely hour of 12:30. I can't help it; I got sucked into a good trashy romance novel that I bought the other day... the other one I finished earlier today wasn't that good, so I enjoyed this one even more as a result. :) I also need to figure out why my comments section appears to have disappeared... maybe I'll use the same software that Di has and rip even more ideas off of her. ;)

2002/05/14

"Why do people run away from me?" (name that quote!)

Ah-hah! I knew I hadn't started this thing on February 1st... turns out its birthdate was Wednesday, January 9th... I just needed to fix up my archives access and all of that. I really am technologically inclined, I'm just stupid. ;)

Having a nice conversation with Ben right now about writing and such. He's got a great post right now over on unCultured, my other home, about movie theatres that I found absolutely hilarious, so we had a bit of a mutual admiration society going on. ;) In fact, here's a quote from that conversation (which I asked permission about posting first, don't worry):
"Jen, your life is very interesting to read about, even when there's not terribly much going on. It's not so much the unique things that happen to you that makes your articles neat, but rather the unique way in which you perceive whatever comes your way, and then the amusing ways you describe it all."

Funky compliments. I like. :)

There's a creative writing course I'd love to take at my university, but unfortunately it's just not feasible. I make take a college course or two later, or I may even go do an English degree at a later time... for now, I'm just working towards finishing off this communications degree and surviving the next few weeks of summer school.

The weather is being distinctly uncooperative about my summer get active plan. The ex- is going to be in town on Wednesday. I'm kinda horny, and hungry. I want to have tender, loving, passionate, sweaty, orgasmic sex. But right now, I don't really know if anyone's worth the effort. Sad? Probably. I miss that uncertainty and tension that comes with first knowing someone... that incredible feeling of arousal when you first start kissing and making out with someone... like you'd just die if they didn't touch you. Sometimes I think just feeling aroused is more fun than actually following through on it... until I follow through on it and remember/find out how much fun that is. ;)

A few people lately have talked to me about how much they admire my ability to be so open and forthright on this site. I keep telling them that it's easier on the 'net like this -- I don't have to deal with anyone's immediate reactions, which is both good and bad, and the people who are discussed in depth usually don't have the link to this site. I like getting feedback on what I write, and what I think and say -- it's nice to have someone say, "Hey, I know exactly what you're talking about" or, "Yeah, you *were* a raving psycho hose beast" (which thankfully, no one has done yet). Looking briefly back at my archives, I realized that I censored myself a fair bit back then -- like talking about a friend that I watched movies with and that he and I had perfected the art of wasting time and just being relaxed, not feeling like it was wasted... Well, that same friend and I, while stargazing, also went off and had funky naked sex in the woods (which actually started on top of his car). But I didn't say that back then, although I will now, 'cause I think it's one of my cooler sex moments, and definitely my first (and only) true outdoors one. :) The downside was the mosquito bites that I later discovered (thankfully restricted to my legs, feet and arms)... and they were especially unkind considering I'm allergic to mosquitos. Ugh. Anyhow, that's a tangent... what I was trying to say was that it was actually thanks to Di and later, Sami that I was able to be so open and honest... I saw what they were willing to put on their site (and Di's sister reads her site!), and it made me realize that I could choose what I write, and it doesn't have to be censored. So, that was pretty awesome. Thanks ladies. :) (And any complaints you have about my honesty can go to me. ;))

Geez, for someone who figured she didn't have anything to say, I've sure written a lot. I'm going to go to bed, read some trashy romance novels (on which I stocked up today), and do some random daydreaming before I go to bed. I need to get back into the real/regular bedtime hours, but they just don't seem to be happening anytime soon.

Oh, and as an aside... Jay, I've started checking your site regularly, and you've even earned a link on my site and toolbar at home... where's my link on your page? Di and Sami have one! ;)

"I takes a whiskey drink... I takes a vodka drink... and when I have to pee... I go in the kitchen sink!"
"It's Lisa! And she's winning us back!"
"Marge! Where's my pellet gun?" "In the tree!" "Oh, right."
"Oh! Not the good cheek!"

There was another line from that episode, something Homer said at the very end... I can't remember. Overall, damn funny. :)

2002/05/11

Hey, 1047 hits! I saw it at 951 last, and now I'm nearly a hundred hits later. Since, according to the archives, I started this on February 1st, that means I've gotten over a thousand hits in three and a half months. It's not amazing for a public website, but this one is somewhat less so, and it's read basically by my friends (I think)... so, thanks! :)
Yesterday I ran into a few people I knew; one friend from high school on the bus, and then another friend from way back -- ysig days -- in the Rideau Centre. He looks more or less exactly the same. It was kinda funny. I remembered as I was leaving the conversation that I used to have a huge crush on the guy, although I knew we wouldn't work in a relationship (story with most of my crushes).

Tons of confusion in the world of relationships. I seem to be leaning towards the pizza guy, wanting to be with him, and yet I can't help but think I might be spending my time still looking if I was with him. Not fair to him. *sigh* I'm going to ask him if his offer is still open at least, and work from there. If it's not, then it's not, and that's where I have to go from. I also have to explain to the coworker what's going on, once I know for myself. *grumble* As if I have a clue. :) I just need to remember that chances are things aren't going to be much different from before, so the things that bothered me are still going to be there, and I'm trying to decide if they're worth it.

I've received a lot of compliments from people with whom I speak in real life (is there such a thing?), praising me on my openness and honesty on this site. Frankly, I'm pretty much as honest in face-to-face conversations, but not always. There is stuff on here that I can't say to people's faces, because there's a part of me that thinks it would be meaner to do so... although reality is starting to show me that sometimes what I think is cruel is actually kinder in the long run. Sometimes people do need to hear the mean stuff (and some people I know make sure I hear it in spades) to know where you stand.

I edited the daily show yesterday. That was kinda cool. I was chatting with the guys as they were recording and they asked me at one point if I was going through a dry spell, and I said, yes, by choice. They felt that was a stupid choice. :) However, here's to six weeks and counting, and I have to get ready for work. I don't think I'm making any of my choices based upon needing to get laid, since I'm not feeling that urgency. I'd like to, but I'm not dying without it.

2002/05/10

I now have the joy of explaining to the coworker why it is that I haven't been climbing him recently. *sigh* Does no one else's libido dive every now and then, or am I some kind of weirdo?
You are Ned. You don’t always see yourself as a rebel, but in fact you are high on the list of counter cultural activity for you have no embarassment about championing your cause. You laugh in the face of taste and style. Only truth matters to you. You will cry out when the Emperor Has No Clothes. You might not approve of rebels but you surely have a cause. Ned Flanders would be proud of you.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/simpsons

2002/05/09

Oh yeah, some grumpy thoughts I wanted to write about earlier:

The coworker and I got a pizza one Friday night when I was producing. We're standing in master control as I run the show, and I screwed something up. The coworker said that just for that, he was going to touch my ass. That pissed me off.

The next night, I got a drive home from a friend. He's offered to be my emergency dick in a glass before, but I'm just not attracted to him that way; I'd rather be his friend. He's seemed colder to me since he moved to tv, but ah well. We're both busy, and he's getting into that cult, so I try not to think too much of it. But anyhow, when he was driving me home that night, he kept saying that I had to give him a kiss at every red light we stopped at. That kinda pissed me off, but I tried to laugh it off. He kept pressing, and I kinda relented, but it still made me upset. I shouldn't have had to relent to crap like that, especially when he offered me the drive home -- I didn't ask for it at all.

I'm getting grumbly thinking about it again. Lots of things have made me grumbly lately though, and I don't know if I should be changing my meds or removing stresses or what. Probably all of the above. *grrr* :)

Anyhow, now I'm going to spank imps. :)
I guess if I expect to get more frequent hits, I should actually post something, no? ;)

I was thinking today that I've really closed down a lot of myself. A lot of myself. There's a girly side to me that likes to goof around with a boyfriend, that likes to be stupid and silly and cuddly and girly and weird... and I seem to have shut her away, because I don't know who I can trust to be like that around. The pizza guy is fun, and we joke around and we're smart together, but we're not really silly in that sense. We're goofy, but... well, if I was crying about something, I wouldn't turn to him. Like when I'm upset about Chloe being gone, I don't think of him as the one to call. He's as much as said that he doesn't deal well with crying women, so I try to avoid inflicting that part of myself on him. I mean, I'm sure I could go to him, but I just don't really think to, namely 'cause I have other people for that.

With the coworker, I don't really let myself out either. I can go to him if I'm upset about something, and he's not bad for that... sometimes he tells me things I don't want to or need to hear, but overall he's not bad. But again, I don't act all girly and stuff around him. I goof around with him, but not really the way I would with someone that was my boyfriend.

I guess the last person I had that with at all was the ex-, and I do miss that. I feel like if I found someone else and fell in love with them, I would trust enough to let that part out again. But I also wonder if I'm wrong to think that someone else can bring out the parts of me that I've locked down. Maybe I've read too many romance novels, or maybe society has gotten to me too much; I keep thinking all change has to come from within, and maybe that doesn't always have to be the case.

Maybe I don't have any answers, just questions. I think people can tell that to some extent I'm looking. I keep waffling on who I want to be with, and if I even want to be with anyone, 'cause yes, I know I don't have to be with anyone. :P I have some friends that have gone from one relationship to another and have no problem with it. Me, I feel like I need a break and yet I see the happy couples around me and I want to be part of one of them.

*sigh* It's too confusing and sucky. I'm just trying to avoid being spanked on my coursework and get that done and over with. I'd like to go back to Montreal, this time without being hobbled the second day so I can't and don't want to do much walking. ;) Maybe later in the summer, when the weather warms up, so I can roam in a skirt and just be comfortable and happy.

Still waiting on the jewelry for the new piercing. I'm not worried; he said a week to a week and a half, it's been about the week and a half mark now. My navel is rejecting, so I might see what he says about healing it and repiercing in the scar tissue, 'cause I think that would hold it in place. Otherwise, just take it out and say screw it. Also going to get my left helix done (the upper cartiledge in your ear), 'cause I think they're really pretty.

Had a nice chat with my (kinda not really) boss the other day about career prospects... I feel like he's perhaps looking out for me, which is pretty nice. It's a good feeling. :) He's offering me different avenues to consider, and encouraging me to shadow people at the station so that I can learn... he thinks I can learn everything I need to know from the people there, without doing extra schooling for it (which I'm planning on doing concurrently with my final year of my degree, so it's not adding any extra to my overall school time). I just figure that people who've gone through radio broadcasting will be looked at first by employers. I'm not exactly figuring I'll live out the rest of my life at the station I'm at now; at some point I'd like to live elsewhere in the country.

I had my yoga class, as I said. I got there late, so I felt really bad about that, but the class itself was kinda neat. You might not think it from looking and hearing about yoga: 'oh, it's all new agey and weird poses and stuff,' but it's actually a pretty good workout. I was straining at times, and I pulled some muscles, I think... but that's probably due mainly to me just being horribly out of shape. ;) Once the weather really warms up though, I'm going to do my best to get out biking and walking more. Maybe even take up running; there's a frightening prospect.

Ah well. I'm going to go spank some imps again and pack this in for now. Maybe I'll have more to say tomorrow. :)

2002/05/07

Okay, the dream. I dreamt that H had been fired from her job and her ex-roommate's boyfriend (who was also a roommate) had been given the job, which was a little weird. I also dreamt that I ended up with T, the security guard (whom I'm not interested in any more)... we had a class together, and we hooked up through that. At one point we were in my bathroom, and I was taking a bath and he was checking me out or something, and then I convinced him to join me, and in my dream his body was different than in real life. In real life, he's quite built -- short and broad, muscly. In my dream, he was still muscly through the shoulders and chest, but he had a big gut and black hair on his stomach or something. It was rather weird. For some reason he started to look like Elvis, too, I think.

I've been kinda horny the last few days. Not enough for me to really do anything about it, but enough so I notice it.

I started classes last Wednesday. This class is going to be a hefty one. The prof has decided not to remove any elements of it, just 'cause it's a summer course and compressed... so it's just as if I was taking a full courseload, almost. There's that much to be done. :P

I start my yoga class tonight, we'll see how that goes. :)

Learned to drive stick on the weekend. That was kinda neat. I need to practice starting smoothly, which I can do when I have time, but can't do as well when I'm in traffic 'cause I go too quickly and screw up. I drove myself to work, shifting and everything. Yay me. :)

Anyhow, time to start the day. I'll try to be more interesting later. ;)

2002/05/06

Which David Bowie are you?

I had a weird dream last night/this morning. I'll write about it when I get to work, 'cause I don't feel like sitting and typing it out right now, and the coworker's shift has changed, so he won't be there to read over my shoulder. ;)

2002/05/02

There's something very nice about having someone say your name when they aren't mad at you or reprimanding you. :) Evening just having someone sleepy say, 'G'night Jen' is really nice. :)

Nice nice nice. Better than how I started out, which was weepy and sad. Had fun today, saw Spiderman, wiggled my butt around, skipped out on my class... oh boy is that class going to be tough. *sigh* Ah well, I'll make it through. I hope.

Going to spend tomorrow taking care of business all over and digging in my closet, since I already own the textbook for the class. Yay!

My cat's breath smells like cat food. :)

I showed a buddy of mine from work a picture of me, and he keeps going on how awesome it is. It's a few years old, from when I went to formal with the ex- at his university.

Anyhow, I don't have much to say right now. I've wanted to write updates the last few days, but just haven't had anything too interesting to say... as much as I'm sure people are riveted by my daily accounts of the little nuances of my life. On that subject, got a new bag (I don't want to call it a purse, but it really is). It's nice. :)

I'm going to go read for a bit and pack it in. I'm currently rereading the third Harry Potter book (read and finished the second one today), as well as Black Like Me, Manifesta (not the Scum Manifesto), and various trashy romance novels. All of that fun is likely soon to be overtaken by school reading. *grrr*

Okay, byebye. :)

2002/05/01

I had a dream this morning that Chloe came home. I can't help but keep wishing.