I remember sitting, thighs still sticky, half-asleep, on decorative planters, at 2 in the morning, watching the street sweepers go by. I remember sitting, eyes barely open, waiting for the bus to arrive to carry me home. And sometimes, when I look at now and I look at then, I wonder... when am I going to feel like a grown up?

In a sense, I miss those evenings. Maybe I've had better sex, but it's the closeness I miss. I miss the cuddling, the goofing around, and the idea that all of that was mine, even if it was just for a little while.

Of course, it was never really all mine, and, like many things in my life then and since, it's ended. Well, really, it ended a long time ago -- I'm reminiscing about things that are over a year old -- but still, it was nice while it lasted. It's almost always nice while it lasts.

But I felt that, when I turned 24 last month (has it only been a month?), that this year would be a good one for me. For some reason or another, I felt that things would start to turn around. It's more of a general sense, really; I don't know if this relates to relationships, to friendships, to work, to school, or to play... but I felt as though in some way, something would change for me. And for a change, it'd be for the better.

I still don't know when or where or even if that change is going to take place, but the idea of it is there. I still have 11 months to go; it's not like it's something I'm going to give up on now.

Am I where I thought I'd be at 24? Maybe a bit closer now. I have my own apartment, my own bills (yay), two psychotic cats that I love, a fabulous roster of friends, a good job, and I'm still in debt. I'd hoped to be out of debt, but ... well, I have a great apartment. :) I used to think, way back when, that I'd do like my parents did -- get married around 22, start having kids around 27 or so... then I got to be 21, and thought, HAH! I'm way too young to be married. And since I'd like a few years with my husband, I'm not likely to be having kids anytime soon -- what with the whole not seeing anyone being a minor factor or so.

But that's okay. I kinda like being single, and I'm enjoying things as they are. I like being only answerable to me, and not having to worry about how my behaviour might reflect on my relationship. Not that I really have to worry about my behaviour, but it's also nice to know that if I decide I want to go out or I want to go and get laid, either one are fairly easy to accomplish. Should I so choose.

I have a wedding coming up that I'm attending, and I decided to go it stag. I had thought about bringing a date, but I didn't want to cost the bride and groom extra money, so I figured I'd just hang out with my friends and so on. The bride told me I have up until 10 days beforehand to change my mind, but I doubt I will. When I told my mom I had this wedding coming up, she asked me if I was taking anyone; I explained that I wasn't, and my reasoning, and she told me that I shouldn't bring someone, that weddings are great places to meet someone. I found that pretty hilarious -- Lord knows neither of my parents has ever pushed me to be dating someone, so it was funny to hear this kind of thing coming from my mom.

I've also got a date coming up in a few weeks, so it's not like life is all that bad. E and I hung out last week, watched The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, ate a lot of food (the guy drank 5 of my Cokes), and showed each other lots of dumb shit on the computer. I've since downloaded all of the episodes of Red vs. Blue, and I've been slowly making my way through that.

I also picked up Sims 2 last week, and every now and then -- when the cats leave me alone for a few minutes and aren't breaking my stuff -- I play it. It's a lot different than Sims, and in some ways that's good, and in other ways it's not. Although they've introduced more realism -- I had one pregnant lady, and she was always starved and always had to pee. :)

What else? Not too much has been going on, and I like it that way. I start my boxing class on Saturday with my trainer and a few other people. It was supposed to start a week ago, but there was a mix-up in the booking, and it actually works out better this way. I was all full of feeling like crap yesterday, and then I went and worked out and vented and felt better. I make fun of people in the gym, and point them out to my trainer, and she does the same for me... we're both awful people, but it helps make the time and the strain pass by faster.

I was hanging out with some of the zone people on Saturday, and I was telling a friend of mine how I can flex my abs in three different places -- four if I count the obliques. Now if I could only get rid of the layer of fat that covers them, I have the feeling I'd have some rather nice ones. :P

Anyhow... back to doing nothing. I think now it's time for some supper, and maybe I'll put on real clothes so I can go to the store and buy more chocolate. Godiva is totally wasted when you have the chocolate-needing PMS.

Weird things from today: Reps from the Catholic church came by to talk to me. I think maybe they thought I had someone over or something, 'cause I said it wasn't a good time and I was wearing pyjamas. Well, pyjama pants and a tank top. Also, someone from "the bank" called and was asking questions about my next door neighbours. Suuuure... first of all, 'cause I'm going to help out someone who calls *me* to ask about my neighbours, and second of all, when they don't even identify what bank they're calling from? Makes me extra-suspicious. In addition, got a wrong number, and got a phone call from Ben.

I'm glad I stayed home today. :)


There we go, today's a nice crabby day. Well, I called my dad and talked to him for awhile, that helped somewhat.

Then I wrote my letter of complaint to the bus company and explained it rather poorly, but I at least wasn't all ranty and ragey.

I want to go and hide under a big pile of blankets, and cuddle a kitten or two. They are less cuddly with me because they are too busy beating each other up, but I did wake up at one point last night to see Venus kinda spooned within the cradle of Thena. I don't know who initiated that, but it was pretty cute. Then I closed my eyes and went back to sleep, trying not to disturb them -- I figure if I did, they'd start fighting.
Stress/uncertainty/grumpiness + caffeine = BAD.

Drinking a medium french vanilla cappuccino when you haven't had any coffee in months = BAD.


Some possible news, but nothing from the actual boss yet. I remain uncertain, unconvinced, and possibly unhappy.
Okay, so, still no word as of yet. The morning phone call got delayed, and now I have one after my big meeting, at 3:45. Still nervous, despite having been assured that "it's good news, it's a good thing." Who knows, maybe I'll wind up doing media calls? Speech writing? No clue. Not reassured until I find out more.

In other news, I've been listening to musicals today, 'cause that's the mood I'm in, and I want to dance around, singing, "I feel pretty" or songs from Music Man. I have to get the Music Man soundtrack. It's a need.

Also, ran into Andrea yesterday in EB, as I was picking up my copy of Sims 2 (oh yes, there are more people for me to kill now). She and I vented somewhat, and I got to learn that some plans that had been ongoing for ages had been changed -- of course, I forget how she found out, and I found out from her. Needless to say, neither of us are terribly impressed, and it's just going into my little experiment, so to speak.

Beyond that, psyched about WritersFest, especially as I realized that it's taking place next week and not this one, and therefore won't interfere with my plans for this week, which is a bit of a relief. I'm making more of an effort to go out to the events this year, despite now living further away than I did before. I feel as though I'm lacking in direction, and I'm hoping this is a good start.
In less than 10 minutes, I should be finding out why it is I keep getting asked if "I like my job." Stress stress stress...

I am a paranoid loser.


One of the problems with being honest -- especially if doing so makes you vulnerable -- is that you can't take it back later, no matter how much you may wish you could play it off or whatever.

At the same time, you know you were honest. If they still reject you or don't want you after that, well... their loss? Yeah, their loss.


I'm actually not still pining over this as much, especially not if there are potential other developments down the road. It's just so depressing being continuously rejected for being me.
Okay, so, I'm annoyed that work has decided to block livejournal now -- now I can't read my friend's pages when I'm at work. I used to save it for when I was here, since it was a way of distracting myself when the day was dull, but...

Mind you, that was also back in the day when people used to update their sites. Urgh. Webcomics and news pages are about my only saviours now, and that's something for which I have a limited attention span.

However, I am drinking some pretty decent (and cheap!) hot chocolate, so that makes life okay.

There are work things going on that I don't really know anything about, that I of course and being uber-paranoid about, because I am a loser in that regard. I am supposedly hearing about what's going on sometime soonish, but until I hear and find out whether or not it would be a good or a bad thing, I will assume the worst. I am a loser.

Speaking of being a loser, on to the cats. Thena is now eating more or less regularly; I got her to eat treats and dry food the other day by throwing them for her, which was fun. She didn't eat a lot that way, but it was more than before -- it seemed to take knowing that it was food and probably also being able to smell it a bit before she could eat it.

Now for the weird story: I have a small litterbox in the bedroom for when I shut Venus up when I'm away. Thena sometimes uses it, which is funny as hell to watch, since she's too big for it -- she'll turn around in circles, trying to find a place to get all of her parts in at once, and it really doesn't work that well. Anyhow, yesterday she was busy poking at a poo that was in the box, and it looked like she was trying to pick it up in her mouth. I told her she was weird, left the room for some reason or another, and when I came back later, she had some of it a few feet away from the box. I put it in the garbage, and even later in the evening, when I was wandering around while on the phone, I discovered she'd moved another piece beside her scratching post. I have *no* explanation for this, unless it's merely a case of something she can finally smell and this is exciting to her, but regardless, it's a funny-weird kind of story.

Venus has also been taking advantage of feeling better to torment Thena. Today Thena was more active and was fighting back, but it’s kinda funny to watch the big cat run into a room, being pursued by the little one. Venus has also found a piece of thin cardboard (that used to be wrapped around a hanging scratching thing I bought her), and uses this is as a sled of sorts – she’ll run and dive-bomb it, sliding a bit and then chewing on the parts that stand up. She’s also moved a bunch of the recycling I had stacked nicely and scattered it about the hallway; it serves as another form of entertainment when she doesn’t feel like sliding. I have to say, though, she’s really mastered the floors in my place – it’s hilarious watching her drifting across the floor after she’s charged into a room, especially when she does 180s – and this is all her own doing, not mine.

No, my cats aren’t insane at all... Yeesh. I did manage to get an appointment to bring Thena in to have her bloodwork tested the next time I bring Venus in, so that’ll answer one question, at least. Here’s hoping the news is good – not that I have to worry about it anytime soon.

And because I have digital cable, I get to watch the season premiere of Gilmore Girls tonight, instead of tomorrow. I knew there had to be some good reason to have it... Now, if I could only leave work and go home and sit around and cross stitch, I’d be happy. I was at work yesterday until 6:15... urgh. Being a grown up sucks.


I wrote a haiku last night at work to express my frustration at the CD cases I need going missing; rage wasn't getting anywhere, so why couldn't poetry do the deed?

That turned into a haiku-off between a friend and I. So now, I present to you, our duelling haikus:

Him (on using a haiku to express my frustration):
I commend your taste,
Haiku is the highest form
of divine writing.

From there, we segued into a discussion about Napoleon Dynamite, and how the guy had decent luck with women, vs. my friend at the same age:

'cause my mad love skills
matured in a late season
I date younger women. ;)

Cradle-robber you
Are we worry about
you getting caught soon

I only date chicks
who look like they're at the age
of majority

No high-school girls here,
to get past my bouncers, you
Must have good ID. :)

"look like" isn't the
same as being that old you
know; dirty old man

Eighty or eighteen,
as long as they have the parts,
I will do the deed.

As promised... that one's going to haunt him. :)
Well, life is once again conspiring to teach me to never hope, and never expect too much. Also, to never open up to anyone aside from maybe friends, 'cause otherwise you will get kicked in the face and life will laugh at you.

I'm making this sound more tragic than it is, but really... why do I keep going down this road? Because I am a complete and utter *idiot*. I really, really am.

And so, it is time to realize that my plan to swear off guys was a really good one, and one that must be continued to be followed. Not that I actually fell off the wagon -- or at least, not especially far -- but now I'm back on it and saying to hell with it all. I have my cats, my health (more or less), a great apartment, a decent job, and good friends. Once I can back into the compartmentalizing and repressing, that number of friends will go up by one.

Now, whether we actually wind up getting together on Friday for that movie remains to be seen -- life has also taught me that exes don't often actually follow through on things like that, and I'm guilty of it myself.

It's so weird how things can do a complete and utter circle in the space of a week. Pysched, excited, uncertain, eager... and now, back here. Really, this is the more familiar place, especially given my luck and so on. I should probably stop bitching, though; I really don't have it all that bad, I just don't have that person with whom I want to share it all.

I thought I was becoming a better person in some way; maybe I was horribly mistaken. Of course, regardless of the reasons given, I still hear it as my fault in some way -- there's something wrong with me that makes me unlovable; makes people like my company, but not enough to want to be with me; makes people want to fuck me, but that's it...

*sigh* Just call me really, really, *really* done with guys.


Yet another moment where life makes me go huh. Just got a phone call from the Professor, completely out of the blue. No idea what's up with that.

Big A took Thena and I to the emergency vet last night. I'd been worried because she stopped eating, and I didn't want it to get to be just before my shift on Sunday when I absolutely had to take her in, so we went. She still had a fever, but she was pretty active in fighting the doctor's taking her temperature, so that was a good sign. He gave her an injection to help bring down her fever, and I have the same medication to keep giving her (plus the antibiotics from before). Once I got her home last night, she went straight to the food dish and started eating; just the baby food, but still, she's eating, which is a start.

Today is the same story -- not touching the cat food, but eating the baby food. She seems a bit more active again; she meows when I'm at the refrigerator, and was moving around a bit more. At the vet's, I let her wander the room a little while the vet and I were talking, and at one point she jumped up onto the table, came over to me and just put a paw up on my shoulder -- total "hold me" language, which I thought was absolutely awesome. She and I spent most of Saturday afternoon -- when I was home -- just sitting together, her curled up in my lap or with her paws on my shoulder, being held. I guess this helps erase all doubt; my cat actually does love me.

The one troubling thing the vet mentioned, and the thought had crossed my mind; the fact that she's been hit so hard by this could mean that she has feline leukemia. I need to get her tested for it, and I'm really hoping the test turns up negative. It's just not a good thing that she's been hit so hard by what should be a fairly simple upper respiratory infection -- kind of the cat equivalent of a cold or flu. At the same time, the vet said that people don't usually bounce back super-quick from the flu, and so her recovering a little slowly isn't a total surprise.

So... I'm just hoping that she's like people in that every now and then we get a cold that really lays us low; it doesn't mean that we're HIV+, it just means that every now and then our immune systems suck. After all, it was fairly stressful for her to have the kitten here, and that's a comprising thing to the immune system; I'm sure that the way I integrated them wasn't necessarily the best way, either.

So, there's another Thena update. Yesterday morning my mom and I did insane power-shopping; I basically spent all of the money I have in my chequing account buying new clothes, shoes, and a purse (that I got for less than $20 when it retails for $60 -- it pays to know people). I bought three tops, three skirts, two pants, three blazers... and all of this in an effort to look more professional at work. I could tell the saleslady worked on commission, though; she brought over a decent number of expensive items, including a blazer that was $240 (and of course, very nice), whereas my mom was going through the sales racks and picking out some nice things. The lady wasn't pushy, by far though -- it just amused me that she wasn't looking at my jeans/sleeveless cotton top/worn-out sandals outfit and bringing the really cheap items. :)

Shopping, home with the cats, baking, emergency, then I met up with my friends for the last leg of the birthday activities that were going on for my friend. At the end of the night, we decided to see if we could get three people spooning on R and N's couch, and we succeeded; it might've been a bit easier because male N and I aren't nearly as tall as OFK is, but it was surprisingly comfortable. I was also feeling weirdly hyper but not, and was spending time fake punching N and so on. Madeleine kept correcting my fists, 'cause she says I'm going to break my thumbs, which is likely true -- the only thing is that the fake nails kept getting in the way and feeling wrong.

Anyhow, time to go poke Thena a bit, and get her moving around some more. Venus, on the other hand, feels great and wants all sorts of attention, especially when she sees the attention Thena's getting. Little pest. :)


Gah... I had my MSN name yesterday as Aphrodite: <-- Should not be allowed to own pets. Why? 'Cause I am a loser when it comes to my pets.

I was awoken Wednesday night to both cats, but especially Thena, sounding as if they were trying to bring up a hairball -- for nearly an hour. I spoke with my vet's office in the morning, and after some debate, I decided to bring them both in to be checked out. Thena sounded fairly crackly and congested when she was breathing, and it was tough to determine if she was purring or just really congested (to my naked ear), and although Venus seemed on the mend, the fact that she was coughing and gagging too concerned me. I figured it was better to have them both checked out at the same time, just in case I was missing something I didn't know to look for.

As it turns out, I didn't know to check to make sure her eyes weren't irritated -- it's something you have to gently pull her lids down to check. They're a bit red, but should be okay.

Anyhow, I left work early yesterday to make sure I had plenty of time to get them ready to go. I stripped down to a tank top and shorts (since it started raining on my way home and I got soggy), and sat on the couch holding Thena. Her ears felt a bit cold, and she was uncharacteristically docile. Every now and then, she'd start shivering, too, and she had no reaction whatsoever to the little kitten climbing all over me, tugging at my earrings and trying to get my attention. Again; uncharacteristically docile.

It was here that I turned into a total loser -- it's while I was holding Thena and picking up all of this that I just started crying, scared for my little baby. Now, I've been through (potentially) worse with other cats, and held up fine; it's a different thing entirely when I have other people who are also responsible for the care of the cats, and there's just something reassuring about having people like my parents around to share some of the concern. Thena and Venus are my babies; they rely entirely on me and only me for everything, and while the responsibility of that doesn't scare me -- it's humbling sometimes -- it still hits me sometimes when something like this happens. I don't know, for some reason I almost feel as if bad things wouldn't happen if I had someone else around to lean on and share the responsibility. I know it would certainly make them easier to bear.

Anyhow, I pulled myself together and got ready to take them off to the vet. During this time work stuff exploded and totally didn't help my mood out, but that's behind me. The vet checked out Venus first, since I figured she'd be a bit easier to handle and would go a bit faster. She had a slight temperature (0.2 degrees), and slightly red eyes, but otherwise was fine. She's still sneezing and coughing sometimes, but seems to be getting better.

Thena, on the other hand -- the poor thing. She has a fairly significant fever (some 2-3 degrees), is relatively lethargic/docile, and was fairly congested. She wound up getting some subcutaneous fluids (under the skin) and I was sent home with some antibiotics for her. The crazy thing is, the day before, she seemed fine -- went out on her harness for awhile, beat up Venus somewhat, and so on.

Gah. She ate a bunch of food yesterday, threw up some last night (probably my fault, for giving her so much wet food), and seemed to stay quiet overnight. I woke up to find her on the body pillow next to me, and she was again fairly quiet this morning, except for a few moments where she sat on top of the toilet and batted half-heartedly at the roll of toilet paper. I held her for several minutes after I got out of the shower, and she again ignored Venus crawling all over us. When I went to put her down, she got crabby and bit at me, and I think it might've been from where she'd had the fluids yesterday -- probably some soreness. She stayed crabby and nippy for a bit as I tried to pat her a bit more and then slowly slide her off my lap, but seemed to get a bit better later.

I gave her some baby food that I had leftover from her brief stint with diarrhea as a kitten (in a sealed jar, don't worry), and she was eating that as I left this morning. Her appetite seemed good, too; she ate the wet food I put out, some of her dry food, and most of Venus' dry food. I waited until after my shower to give her one of the antibiotics, and she took it without any problem -- I just put it in her mouth and she swallowed it, then went back to the food. Digger's easy to pill like that, too -- at least for the first while. :) With any luck, when I go home tonight, there will have been no throwing up, and her spirits will have perked up somewhat.

Mom and I are supposed to do some shopping tomorrow, and then I have a birthday thing that afternoon/evening, but I'm prepared to cancel everything if I have to to stay home and keep an eye on Thena. My vet closes tonight at 6 and is only open from 9-12 tomorrow, so if anything goes really bad, then I have to get her in to the emergency clinic. I don't think that that will be the case, but I can worry nonetheless, and at least prepare for the worst -- prepare for the worst, hope for the best. Spend lots of money in the meantime.

But what the hell? It's only money, and she's my little baby. So for all of this, and the fact that I just earned myself a 17-paragraph update about Buffy in relation to my cat's health problem -- and only one day of them, for all of that -- I am a total loser.

But I'm okay with that, 'cause everyone that's met my cats thinks they're awesome, regardless of evil and so on. So there. Hey, there are more than twenty reasons why this site's called The Litterbox, no? :) Plus, it makes me feel better to document it all and maybe have some other people sharing in my worry and expressing sympathy and so on.

And now that I've finished defending my reasons for posting what I want to my own site... :)

We had a barbecue here at work today, to celebrate the launch of the Government of Canada Workplace Charitable Campaign. This means that people will now start circulating to ask for money for the United Way, and I will experience vague pangs of guilt for not contributing. I prefer to give money directly to causes that I personally support, like the Humane Society -- and I do that not only through financial contributions, when I can afford them, but through obtaining animals from them, a la Shadow and now Venus.

Sorry if that seemed ranty, it's not meant to be. What can I say? I like animals more than people, sometimes. Sometimes.

What else? Yeah, not too much.

Here, some links:

New mouse. My favourite is the tongue-in-cheek line of the first bit: "There is apparently some good news today for all those readers who enjoy surfing web porn but would prefer to use their right hand for something other than operating a mouse - a Canadian visionary from Ottawa's Institute of Information Technology has developed a nose-operated mouse which looks set to redefine the human-computer interface paradigm."

I am very bored and wishing that the magazines I ordered ages ago would hurry up and arrive. That would make me happy, and not feel that my money was spent in vain.


My apartment is the apartment of disease and sickness. I have something, possibly strep throat, Venus came down with an upper respiratory infection, and now Thena appears to have caught it, but in a bit of a worse manner -- she's been coughing and today she was pretty quiet and somewhat crackly. It was hard to tell if the crackly was her breathing or her purring, but I think if she seems the same tonight, I'm going to bring her in to the vet. I've already talked to them, and they have time, so it should be okay. I got paid yesterday, so I can afford to spend a bit of extra money on bringing her in if I do it, and I'd rather spend the money on her than on a new DVD or something.


I keep this site to embarrass people. As such, I present to you the following conversation:

He: What not with this chick? :) Getting to see bits? *sigh*
He: You still there? You left.
He: Gone!
Me: Sorry about that, all of my IE applications spontaneously shut down. :P
He: Out of self-defence, no doubt. :)
He: No bits-talking over government machines! They're young and impressionable. :)
He: I suppose I'll live without ever seeing them.
But if you die before me, I'm taking a peek in the casket.
He: ;)
Me: That is easily the creepiest thing you've ever said... and so, it will be immortalized.
He: *grin* Nonono!
He: Ewwwww! :)
He: You immortalize this, and I'll post all the stuff you said about David Hasselhoff.
Me: You'd have to invent that. I don't have to invent this.
He: *evilgrin*
He: The leader of the free world invents stuff all the time!


Jay mentioned that it had been awhile since I updated my site, and I didn't think it was that long, and then I looked at the last update -- Thursday -- and realized that okay, yeah, it had been a little bit.

So... I've decided that I must look awfully skinny lately (hah!), or people must enjoy my company; the last several days have involved lots of invites out for meals, which is cool. Thursday night OFK took me out for a belated birthday dinner for some tasty pub food. Afterwards, we sat around and chatted for awhile, and were vaguely amused by the cats and their roaming.

Friday night I went out for dinner with JJ, after heading out to the folks' place to visit with the cats for a bit. Shadow was quite eager to go out, Digger just wanted to stay in, they were both fatter (the neighbour looking after them was doing some pretty significant overfeeding, it would seem), and that's about it. I changed the box, as I said I would, and then had to run off to buy cat litter -- the folks were out. But I got my revenge by not filling the tank on the car, which Mom never said anything about. I'd planned on refilling it, but gas jumped an *insane* amount over the weekend -- 65.5 on Friday to 85 something on Saturday. Fuck that!

So yeah, Friday JJ and I had some nice Italian, split a half-bottle of wine, and had some good conversation. I told him (and OFK the night before) the situation with E, and JJ's reaction to it was "big flashing bad idea light!" He got fairly tipsy, and I amused myself by laughing at him. After dinner, we met up with S and N over at their place, and sat around and chatted. There was massaging and flogging and N trying to get drunk off inhaling vodka fumes... weird times. These are my friends. :)

Saturday I went to the gym and had a good workout, and after I'd been home for a little bit, S and N called me and asked if I wanted to join them for lunch. So off we went for Vietnamese/Chinese food, and shared some good food. We hung out at my apartment afterwards, chatting and being amused by the nutjob cats that I own. After they left, I watched some more TV, then drove out to the folks' place to give them back the car. Rather than join with the group, since it was pretty late and I was pretty tired, I called up Big A and we had some late-night snacks and chatting; he, too, got the lowdown on the E situation, and I inquired about him and his girlfriend.

Sunday morning, Thena had little interest in letting me sleep in. She woke me up around 7, but couldn't rouse me completely; I remember doing some patting of her (requires little effort on my part when she more or less puts her head under my hand, or curls up with me), but I passed out again. It was around 9, 9:30 that she had greater success in waking me. Normally I feed her around 7 during the week, so it's understandable that she tends to want to be fed at the same time on weekends. Venus, the kitten, joined in on the assault, and I had two kitties that were alternating pacing, nuzzling, purring or meowing to get my attention. I couldn't win. I got up, gave them attention and so on, then headed off to R and N's place around noon for our pirates gaming session.

I notice that the difference between a primarily-girls session (minus our DM) and the other groups I've been in is that this group talks a *lot* more before doing anything. Maybe it's the different DM, maybe it's the size of the group (although I think we're only one more than the usual gaming group), I don't know... it just seemed awfully slow at times, and like I was observing more than participating. I tend not to be as forceful in gaming sessions, though, so who knows? It was fun, regardless, especially with one particular line that I can't seem to remember... dammit. Oh, yeah! Bear with me, this takes some geeky explanation:

We were trying to figure out what might happen to be in a pit of quicksand near us, and A suggested throwing a lizard into it and seeing if it would sink or swim, and if it died that would tell us the pit was deep or something (I don't quite remember), and so I came up with the line, "And if it weighs the same as a duck, it's a witch!" and that kinda cracked me up. Gawd, I'm a geek.

So yeah, I went from there to work, and work was dull... I wound up chatting with E a bit, whining that I was hungry and bored, and that the Rabbi had turned me to celibacy by managing to make talk about sex boring, and that I wanted to kill babies so I could be arrested and taken away from work... he suggested meeting for some food, so that we did, and there was much talking and laughing and I harrassed him hardcore. His refrain became, "I swear to *God*, woman," which just made me laugh harder, and I managed to get him flustered and even squeak at one point in the evening, which earned a celebratory dance.

We were sitting on a bench in a nearby park when two grody-looking guys approached us, one of whom was obviously drunk, and asked if we knew Andre (I think that was the name)... then mentioned he needed help, and said he had a problem with a cheque he deposited for $140 (that hadn't yet cleared or something), and he needed $120. That's a new one -- I've seen requests for a few dollars, a few cents, whatever, but $120... impressive.

I also talked to B for a bit, while I was still at work. I hadn't spoken to him in awhile, so I figured I'd poke him and see what was up. We didn't talk very long, but he made it known (or semi-known) during the conversation that if I decided I wanted to date him, he'd be open to it still; at least, that's how I read it. Surprising, a little, but guys have rarely, in my experience, made any kind of sense.

Anyhow, last night I was invited over to Greg and Mad's for dinner after my workout. My trainer is running a boxing class at the gym, and she's gotten me into that, which is pretty cool. It's only for 6 weeks, but I think it'll be fun to do -- and I can finally stop feeling like I have puny little hands and wrists, and I'll really be able to do some damage when people piss me off. Hah! *flex* Mad made some really awesome Indian food, and we ate and sat around for a large portion of the night and chatted and it was really fun. It's nice to spend time with people in a one-on-one or really small group situation when you don't normally get to... it made me realize that Madeleine and I are on the same side for a number of issues as they relate to the group, and that was nice to learn. Maybe she doesn't want to beat people up as much as I might, but... ;)

So tonight marks the first night in awhile that no one is taking me out for dinner, and that's okay. I need to log some time with the kitties, including She of the Boogies, who's still sneezing a fair bit, but seems to be less boogie-filled, actually. Thena also keeps going to the back door and meowing, especially in the mornings, so I know she wants to go out, it's just tough for me to let her out on her leash when I'm leaving for work for the day. :) Maybe it'll give me some more time to watch Six Feet Under, or work on the cross stitch that I've picked back up. I made E laugh at me when I said that I knit, but won't he be jealous when he sees the awesome sweater I'm making myself, eh! R wouldn't let me knit during our gaming situation. That made me sad.

What else? Well, yesterday I got to sit in on a speech meeting with the Minister, so that was pretty cool. I was ever so glad I'd worn jeans for that, too; I only found out about the meeting less than an hour before it was due to take place, so it wasn't entirely my fault. I at least was wearing a nice blouse. Woot. Actually, what's funny was that my blouse was a bit on the small side (part of a bunch I bought a year ago, when I first started here -- and I bought them a bit small, thinking that working out would shrink me into them), so if I brought my arms together in the classic male flexing pose in front, I felt like the Hulk. GRrr! I rip!

Today I had a quick meeting with the Minister's Director of Communications, who I really like -- this admin seems to be worlds ahead of the last one -- and he was mentioning the Minister wants to have involved speech meetings with the writer, myself, and assorted others when necessary, which makes me a slightly more important person than I previously was, and hopefully means that I will be kept around once my contract expires... whether it's just an extension of my contract, or it's a competition that would lead to me getting a term or indeterminate position. If nothing else, that would certainly set my mind at ease about my job and the world of me.

'Cause you know, it's all about me.

So yeah, now I feel the need to invest in some nice dress pants and so on. I'm okay for nice tops, especially now that we're heading into the fall/winter, it's just that all of my dress pants have either been outgrown or worn out, and it's about time to get some more. Life seems to be doing okay.

I also spoke with Mark briefly on Friday, then in a more extended conversation on Sunday, and we've agreed to just remain friends. I told him that I still wanted him to be a part of my life, because he's been an important person to me, and I didn't want to lose out on that like last time. There's more to the story than all of that, but I feel (hope) that things will work out okay -- or at least, better than last time. I could go into more detail, but... at the same time, not sure that I could.

Today has been one of those slow, boring days. Blaeah. No one on my reading lists is updating their sites anymore, so that doesn't give me anything to do during the day. Now that Venus has toasted my new keyboard, I'm stuck with my work access to the 'net, which means that I can't check any of my email accounts, aside from the other work one. Whoop-de-shit.

What's that? Venus toasted my new keyboard? Oh yes, that was lovely. I keep her shut up in my master bedroom when I'm not home, and I've had a glass of water on my desk, at the very back of it -- behind a water bottle, in fact -- since before I got her. Yesterday, I stopped at my place to get some coconut for Mad after dinner, and I discovered that she (the kitten, not Mad) had knocked over the water glass. I was more worried about my monitor, since the majority of the water was on the desk, and it looked as though the water was only on the edge of the keyboard. Well, when I went to go and use it this morning, I learned otherwise. Fuck. I know I got the replacement plan for my keyboard, but I'm not sure where my receipt is or anything like that, so I may have to shell out to buy a new one. It wasn't expensive, but it also means a trip out of the way to get it... annoying. And when I called the store, the girl wasn't a lot of help -- she mentioned I'd have to go in and talk to them, and that if I purchased the plan less than six months ago, I wouldn't even be in the computer, so I don't know what that means for me getting a new keyboard.

Never toasted electronic equipment before, and here I -- with the help of my sneezy-but-able-bodied assistant, Venus -- kill two keyboards in the space of what, a month? Maybe two? Urgh.

So, here's hoping I can get it replaced, even though it means heading out to the other end of town on a bus that isn't totally my friend. Otherwise, I'll just suck it up and buy a new one. Stupid.

Actually, stupid was buying two copies of the same MST DVD-set. I suck. But at least I can put it up and resell it.

Done and done.

Okay, so, I think this is enough of an update for now. Now it's time to write for me, and then maybe go home. Yay, home.


I just spent some time going through my archives from last summer, and man did I used to write a lot. What the hell happened to that?

Oh yeah, I got a job that sucks my will to live, and started censoring myself way too much. I suck.

Let's see, big news.. not a whole lot, really. I've been talking to E the past little while -- we chat through MSN now, and there are plans to meet for coffee next week. I've been asked by a few people if I plan on getting back together with him, and the question makes me laugh and I don't know how to answer it -- I haven't the faintest if that's what he's looking for, and so I don't even know whether or not to consider it. I find that it's better to try to imagine things when I have more information, 'cause otherwise I get myself all worked up/confused over nothing, whether it's good or bad.

It's the same with work. There are a bunch of people coming back from secondment, maternity leave, and things like that, so that means that the salary budget is wonked, and the overtime budget is way over. There are two people whose terms expire at the end of the month, and they're not coming back, which makes me scared for my job -- see, I'm with an agency, so I cost a lot to have around, and I only have a job until December... so if I cost a lot and they don't have a lot of money, there's always the chance that they may decide to not bring me back. I don't like this, especially since, while I do have savings, I'm not exactly ready for unemployment. And, I like having a job. I like eating, and I like being able to feed the cats and have lights and so on. I've been assured that they have "big plans" for me (whatever that means), and I don't have to worry, but I still do. 'Cause that's what I do -- I worry about things.

It feels weird to be important at work. Most of my other jobs, I had to almost fight to get some kind of roles that were just for me, and now... here I am. And some days I just try to keep my head down. :)
And I thought my cats were scary little nutjobs.


And this kind of thing is why I love my country.


Man, this place really does suck my will to write. Or work, or do much of anything, really. I wonder if I could work from home? Such a dream, except for the beasts.

So, details about my new little monster. First of all, she is an absolute doll, just a total sweetheart. Her shelter name is Venus, but I'm not sure if I want to keep that. She's supposed to be about 3-4 months old, but she's small enough that I'd be inclined to say she's really 3 months or a bit younger. She's medium-haired, and all black, although she has these stray long hairs that are white. It'll be interesting to see how her coat changes when she gets bigger -- after all, Thena didn't have the little white patch on her stomach until she was about 5 months old or so.

So far she's fairly quiet, although she's starting to get more comfortable and express herself more -- last night, when I came home after having been at Mark and Ben's, I cuddled with Thena for a bit in the living room and I could hear the insistent little kitten voice from the bedroom, demanding to be let in on the party. :) That's part of what got me to pick her up at the humane society -- this demanding little kitten climbing the cage door, poking at me and mrehing loudly. See, I was originally going to get a male cat, but they said there that Thena was young enough still that she'd likely be okay with a new female, and this kitten was one of the first ones I actually seemed to connect with, so... it's an estrogen-filled household, it is. :)

Anyhow, she sleeps on my bed at night, near my feet, and doesn't wake me up in the middle of the night -- or if she does, it isn't nearly as consistently as Thena used to, using me as a bloody springboard... urgh. It's probably because Thena was only about 6 weeks old when I got her, whereas this little one is older than that, plus they have different personalities. *shrug*

First encounters between the two cats involved a fair bit of staring and hissing on Thena's part. Plus, any time the kitten would move away, Thena would follow rather quickly -- and raise a paw, ready to whap. Now, there's still the following, but it seems to go a bit more both ways, and there's equally whapping between cats. Thena gets a bit too into the fighting sometimes, and she's bitten the little one, but if that happens I separate them ... often Thena turns and bites me then, but I just take her away until she's calmed down.

And of course, I keep them apart at night and when I'm not home. *shrug* I am glad, though; I have high hopes that this will work out without too much bloodshed on either side.

Aside from that, the weekend was relatively quiet. Some socializing, some dropping Mom off at the airport (woohoo, car!), some working (urgh), some gym time that has left me with sore muscles since... Weird how I can apparently push myself and yet feel weak at the same time. Go figure.

Also been emailing back and forth a bit with E, which has been interesting. I was initially skeptical and so on, and I'm still not 100% on it, but so far things seem fairly genuine. We shall see what happens -- and if nothing else, I'm finding it's fairly healing to be able to say, "You acted like a jerk and that pissed me off" or words to that effect.

Mind you, I also have this forum. ;)

Two Muppets named top scientists

Muppets Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant Beaker defeated Dr. Strangelove, Dana Scully of "X Files" fame and Star Trek's Mr. Spock to be voted Britain's favorite screen scientists.

They beat their closest rival by a margin of 2 to 1 and won 33 percent of the 43,000 votes cast in an Internet poll published in Monday.

Spock came in a distance second with 15 percent followed by The Doctor, from Dr Who, who garnered 13 percent. Scully, the only woman in the poll, came in sixth.

"They are accessible, humorous and occasionally blow each other up," said Roland Jackson, of the British Association for the Advancement of Science (BA).

The balding, white-coated Honeydew and flame-haired, bulging-eyed Beaker created an array of crazy gadgets on the popular television show.

"They're the kind of scientists you would like to be but never quite dared to," said Alan Slater, a scientist at the University of Exeter in southwestern England.

The poll, sponsored by the BA and the BBC cult television website gave the public five weeks to choose their favorite scientist from a shortlist of 10 that included Dr. Evil from the film "Austin Powers," Dr. Frankenstein, Frank N. Furter, of the "Rocky Horror Show Picture Show," Dr. Emmett Brown, of the film "Back to the Future" and Q of James Bond fame.

Results of the poll were announced at the start of the week-long BA science conference here.


I am now, once again, a mom.



Oh yeah...

Who has two thumbs, enjoys oral sex, and currently owns Angel, season 4 on DVD?

*This* gal!


The last 24-hours or so have been... interesting, to say the least.

Yesterday I managed to get out for our weekly Pho night. I'd confused myself by thinking that I had a training session last night, but it was this week my trainer's in Mexico. So, I did a half hour of cardio, realized she wasn't there, then decided to go out and socialize for a change.

After the majority of us had finished up and were just sitting around insulting one another, I happened to look up and see my friends S and male N. I hollered across the restaurant at them, which isn't nearly as disruptive as it sounds, given that this place is about the size of my apartment at best and the width of the place is maybe 20 feet, if even, and we marvelled at the odd coincidence of us all being there at once. As we were gettin ready to leave, I noticed that a guy sitting at a nearby table looked familiar, and as it turns out, I was right -- it was the guy who hosted the BBQ I attended with Big A two weeks ago, who happens to be a workmate/friend of my friend R. I don't think he was too impressed by my interrupting his date, but... tough. ;)

Anyhow, we went for Bubble tea after that, and S and N met up with us shortly. They wound up sitting at the opposite end of the table, so it was up to my other friends to entertain them, but it seemed to go well. Towards the end of the night, Stefan took the giant straws out of the drinks and cut them to form annoying little musical instruments. I tried the same with my smaller straw, and it sometimes worked -- but N and Stefan managed to get a real chorus going with their straws. I thought we were going to get tossed, but the waitress was asking them how they'd managed to do it, and brought over more straws so they could do more.

Brief bash moment:
* Oz pops a tiny green mint, watches a Chevy Chase movie about golf, and signs a mortgage to a pig.
Oz: With a Tic-Tac, Caddyshack, give a hog a loan...
Oz: This old ban sent troller home!

So that was last night's weirdness... this morning, when I got up and checked my email, there was an email from one of the last people I would've expected to hear from -- E. Some of you may remember him from last year, when I was dating D and E at the same time, then E ended things, saying that he didn't care about me anymore and felt he should. When I tried to send him an email, apologizing for having acting weird after he ended things, he mocked it to A, so I decided he was an idiot from there on out -- as are many of the men I've dated, i.e., most. According to the email, he was off camping with some friends, talking about women, my name came up, and I've been on his mind since... and that was a few weeks ago.

Huh. Huh. Huh. And again, I say, Huh.

I replied, telling him what I've been up to, and my attitude to it at the moment is one of, "Well, I'm being cautious, but I have to admit to being curious as all *hell* as to what this is all about." The sad thing about how things ended between us is he's someone who's said some of the sweeter things to me. He listed a few of them one time: saying that he was busy thinking about me and had a pot of water boil dry on the stove; that he was busy staring at me and walked into a display at the book store; and a few other examples of his thinking about me causing him to do dumb things. No one had ever said that kind of thing to me before, so it was pretty touching.

For the life of me, I'll *never* understand guys. Ever.

Aside from the whole penis thing, but that's just plain easy. Just like men. *ba-dump* Yeah, if only.

(Quasadu) i'm the kind of guy who, when i accidentally see myself naked in the mirror, i think "my god if i saw that in the woods i'd shoot it and run back to the car"

What else? Not too much, really. A friend of mine, JJ, stopped by the other night and we chatted for a bit. It was from him that I learned that I come off as very bi/lesbian, and willing to try things at least once. *shrug* The first part makes me giggle, the second part is true, I'll admit it. I do have to feel right about trying something with whomever suggests it, but otherwise, it's fairly true. :)

As I've gotten older, I've been trying to develop a real willingness to take chances. I mean, who's to say that that boy isn't possibly interested in me unless I try, right? I always feel I win people over with my personality way more than my looks, so why not give it a chance to work? :) I think I'm also managing to be a bit more open, too. I'm trying to say things that I think, and not just the hurtful things. ;)

I've also determined that, for some reason or another, 24 is going to be a good year for me. Maybe in a year's time I'll rescind that, but I see no real reason why it can't be. *shrug*

Anyhow, off to go home and poke at the cat. She hasn't gotten enough attention from me the last few days, and it's fun to throw things down the hall and watch her slide into the electric baseboards in the bedroom. She's figured out how to slide on the floors (which is funny to watch); she just doesn't always time the start of her skid quite right. Then again, it's usually a soft hit, so maybe she is.

The troubling thing is that, after a few of these throws, she starts panting. I think my poor kitty's out of shape! :(


I've really been enjoying this guy's writings. Over the top, yes. Funny, also yes. :)