2009/10/19

First, the backstory.

For those of you who don't know me in real life, I rock a pixie cut for my hair - and have for the last few years. We're talking the mini pixie that's about this long --

So yeah, rather short. And with less knife.

I was in the grocery store yesterday, picking out some produce, when a little girl nearby said hi. So, in the interest of seeming less child-hating than usual, I said hi back. She asked what my name was, and I replied with, "Jen." She paused for a minute and asked, "Are you a girl?"

(I told her that yes, I am, I just have very very short hair, but the story's funnier if you stop at the line above.)

2009/09/29

I've been trying to think of what today's deep insightful thought could be, and I'm drawing a blank. What can I say? I'm not that fascinating today.

I made it to the gym this afternoon for my yoga/tai chi/pilates class, and I've shown some progress; once upon a time I had to help my legs forward when going from downward dog to lunge position -- today that was not the case. It was a definite, "yay me!" moment when I realized what I'd done.

I'm trying to get to the gym more often, which is my usual refrain. I don't like what I see in the mirror, and I want to change that. Of course, that involves more work than I want to have to do, so I'm trying to figure out how to push myself and stay motivated. I have a coworker who's helping, which is nice -- but the food habits are up to me to figure out and improve upon.

I can't believe I'll be 30 next year. Anyone know when I'll start feeling like a grownup? I just feel like I'm still playing at life, or like I'm a perpetual student.

Speaking of which, I want to go back to school. I'm thinking of applying for classes for next September, which means I have to set aside more money. Or keep adding to the debt, which is slowly going down. Anyone rich want to swoop in and solve all of my problems?

At least the mortgage rates are ridiculously low.

There's been talking about the future going on lately. No conclusions, no plans, just general talking. Feels weird to discuss, given my status as the perpetual student and so on.

I wonder sometimes if people who've known me from back in the day or who haven't seen me in awhile look at me and think, "gee, she's really chunked up." I'll confess I've had that thought about more than a few men and women I know.

I can only hope they think I've gotten prettier through the years.

2009/09/28

I'm trying to make a commitment to update this place more regularly. I write almost all day every day for work, so sometimes the last thing I want to do when I get home is write more... or I feel as though I've run out of things to say. I want to update when I'm at work, but sometimes I just don't have the time. A blessing and a curse.

But writing about government matters day in and day out isn't the same as blathering on about my cats or thoughts or feelings. Doesn't quite have the same boring ring to it -- nor does it smack of gossip for the lot of you.

I'm finding myself more irritated with the company of others of late, and I'm not sure if it's due to the innate irritations that others present, or simply because I've been working fairly steadily with little to no break. Weekends don't quite seem to be the breaks they once where -- either I'm on call, I'm working, I have company (not usually my choice), or there's travel and/or errands. Last weekend, the first real weekend I had off -- I got sick. Joy.

So needless to say, as much as I think it would be ridiculous for us to have another election at this time, there are a few of us at my office that are praying for one -- only for the break it would present. Maybe it means I'd start liking people again if that was the case, that I had some downtime and could focus a bit more on my life outside of work, and one of the fifty bazillion hobbies I have.

Okay, so this update isn't much -- just a bunch of vague whining. Tomorrow maybe I'll complain about someone in detail and let you guess who it might be.
  • 01:36 How do you go on knowing that you're right beyond a freaking doubt, but still pretend to see another's point of view? I'm right, damn it! #

2009/09/04

The last few days, I've been unable to be heard by people when they call my cell. I can hear them, they can't hear me. Fun times. I thought about blaming the bluetooth keyboard pairing, but full resets of the phone do nothing, so doesn't seem to be the case.

Called Rogers yesterday, the guy talked me through doing another hard reset of the phone, didn't believe me that my contacts were saved on the SIM card (which they are, hah!), and then said they'd send me out a new phone, as mine's still under warranty. If the failure is due to water damage though, I'm on the hook for a new phone - no worries.

While at away from my desk, I got a missed call. No voicemail, so I googled the number: turns out it's a call centre that Rogers employs to follow up with questions on customer satisfaction after services rendered. Good idea, something I don't mind doing, only clearly they didn't realize when they issued the ticket to follow-up phone call me what it was that I had originally called about -- hardware failure rendering me unable to speak to anyone who calls me on my phone.

Well done on paying attention to the little things, Rogers.

2009/08/29

I sit in Starbucks on a rainy Saturday afternoon, typing on an apple wireless keyboard, with my phone hidden by my side. I am.... the most pretentious girl you know.

Took three different buses with some teenage girls today; got to listen to more renditions of the word like than I can remember hearing in quite some time.

I'm getting old.

Well, I've been getting old my whole life; you'd think I'd be used to it by now. Not so much.

Getting old iis planning for the future. Realizing tht you have to take into account things like your mortality, your income level, your fertility... scary and kinda cool at the same time.

It's nice to hear someone echo reasons why you're with them.

Tee hee - just got someone asking me questions about my keyboard. Guess the phone wasn't as hidden as I thought.

Only really challenging thing abot this is that blogger doesn't have a nice smartphone/blackberry friendly version o fthe interface, so a lot of what i'm writing is hidden - so I can't go back and fix mistakes too easily. I'm malso very spoiled by my work blackberry's automatic rendition of certain shortcut s- so I'm not automatically capitalizing the letter I when it appears . I know someone is going to eventually read this and say something.

I'm always surprised when people pick up on facets of my character that i never think are particularly obvious - the example i usually go back to is when a friend told someone I never use bookmarks. Recently, I had another one of those moments: one of my colleagues was saying that he figurd my luggage would be flaming neon pink -- because I'm unusual and he could see me with someone that wasn't conventional like that. My boss, by contrast, looked at him and said, "you don't know Jen, do you know"?

I just thought it was cool that a: this colleague had picked up on the fct that I'm unconventional, and b: my boss had also picked up on that, but knew that I wasn't a girly girl, and likely wouldn't be found with hot pink.

It's similar to when people look at my ring and say, "that's very you" -- and part of what made that last dress-shopping excursion so doubly frustrating.

I'm trying to take advantage of the fact that I'm getting older, but also have a bit more free time and a bit more money than I did when I was younger -- so now I'm taking music lessons once more, and I'm giving some extra thought to going back to school. As I've said to my mom and to a coworker friend of mine -- I keep saying I want to do this I want to learn that, but never getting around to doing it. Well, sure, learning new things is scary and hard, and sure, it can be tougher when you're older -- but you only get one life to live, so why not go for it? why kep putting things off?

Dear Abby has some advice for people who want to go back to school when they're older but are intimidated by the fact tht they'll be surrounded by younger people, or will be XX old when they graduate -- as she says, you'll be XX years old when that amount of time passes anyhow, so why not use the time learning? Of coures, she says it much more elegantly than I just did, but the basics are there.

So sure, there are 7 year olds who are better than I am on the instrument, but guess what - there's always going to be someone better than me. Can't let that stop me from trying and having fun with it.

2009/07/16

I've had this "story" of spam headlines sitting in my email account for awhile now, and I find it oddly charming.

The first reads, "The Pobble who has no toes" and the second is "And when he came to observe his feet" -- though it's quite possible they're meant to be read in reverse, so the Pobble discovered he had no toes only after he observed his feet.

But if I read them in the order I provided, ignoring the grammatical issues with it, I have to wonder -- what did the toe-less Pobble learn when he came to observe his feet?

It's a puzzle. Though I like the way the Pobble looks in my mind -- a lot like Junior Gorg.
(hotlinked and pops, so who knows how long this'll last)

I didn't even know that guy still existed in my subconcious, as Fraggle Rock was never my favourite Muppet Show -- though maybe I should just give it another watch.

2009/07/10

Quick update (better one later): I made a word cloud of the stuff that appears on my site. Interesting that cats, feelings, and apparently my astrological signs are so large in it (so I'm guessing that it's not entirely due to frequency -- since I don't think I talk about my signs that much!):

<a href="http://www.wordle.net/gallery/wrdl/991927/Eiram" target="_blank">See it here</a> (new window).

2009/05/19

Snarfed from someone else's blog:

2009/05/06

Short and not-sweet: tomorrow evening we have an appointment to have Digger put down.

May is not a good month for family kitties, it would seem (it was May 1st, 1995 (I'm fuzzy on the year) that we had Sookie put down).

Here are some of my favourite pictures of him from when he was a kitten (that I took, photo cred away) to share:



And a more recent, cruddy camera one (I'll share some better ones later, just don't have them with me at work or online):

2009/04/22

My birthday is August 23rd, which puts me on the cusp between Leo and Virgo - and I've certainly got traits from each sign (Leo: not liking being pigeon-holder; Virgo - nitpicky worrywart). So if I go to the trouble of checking my horoscope (which I do many once every 2-3 months), I always read both. Today's MSNBC horoscope for Virgo reads:

"Today isn't likely to be one of your better days, dear Virgo. You feel a certain weariness, and you are very anxious and worried about someone close to you. When it comes to your loved ones, you have very strong emotions coursing through your veins. Think about your commitments, and try to drum up a little enthusiasm."

The anxious and worried applied more yesterday, I think, but on the whole, I'd say it's pretty apt.

The Leo part, on the other hand, is totally off the mark (which is not a bad thing for today):

"If you are the kind of person who likes a quiet day, dear Leo, then today you will be disappointed! There will be a lot of tension in the air, as a close friend or a relative tries to get something from you that you are not willing to part with. You could find yourself in quite a delicate situation. Keep your cool, and you should be able to talk your way out of it with no problem."


2009/04/21

I'm wondering if I shouldn't change the name of this site to, "I Chase Boys... but I don't update my damn blog."

Let's see, in a nutshell: Saturday I took the cats to the vet for their annual exam. Thena has a spot in her eye that turned up a month or so ago (I'm revising this from my original estimate of 2-3 months ago, since I always seem to overestimate time). Wasn't bothering her in the least, so I decided to wait until they were due for their exams to have it checked out.

Then I went to a spa appointment that I had booked for relaxing me time - facial and manicure.

That evening, I was up until the very wee hours with Ben, who I haven't seen in awhile. Talked until my throat was sore, good times.

Sunday morning wake up feeling sick, which has held over. Also woke up to my period. Awesome fun.

Vet called me back on Saturday saying she thought that the ophthalmologist vet should check her out. The local vet wasn't in until today, so I had to wait to get the referral and so on.

Now I have an appointment with the ophthalmologist vet in May (still better than my annual exam, which got booked for July), and I'm pretty much assuming the worst because that's what I do when my pets are involved and when I'm tired and sick and emotional.

And I just got asked to have a meeting with my manager at 1:30 with no context, so I feel like today's going from bad to worse - and that I'm in some kind of big trouble. Yay.

2009/04/01

Okay, I have another post in the works where I go on about a series of books I'm reading and its (brief) conversion into a television series, but I have to say this: I'm going to hell.

I never play pranks on people for April Fool's Day (or if I do, they're of the "I'm pregnant" variety that no one ever buys), but in this instance, I actually did have a coworker fooled for about an hour on something. Fortunately, he finally spotted the part of my .sig file wherein I'd written "www.aprilfools.gc.ca" and "www.poissondavril.gc.ca" in place of the usual URL, but he was buying it for awhile -- including through a telephone conversation.

However, I will also have company in my trip to hell -- because a number of my coworkers were also in on the joke and completely playing along, including my director and the DG.

We are *evil* through and through.

2009/03/17

Last night, the DB and I were lying in bed discussing grammar and spelling -- and bemoaning the fact that we know so many people (including a few teachers) who can't handle either. It's a touch depressing.

The day after tomorrow I'm taking off to visit my last remaining grandparent in New Brunswick. I'm looking forward to most of the trip -- if nothing else, being able to go for days without checking my blackberry, guilt-free, is a big bonus.

Okay, I can't really do more at the moment, but if you ever wanted to see a <a href="http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2321923.ece?OTC-RSS&ATTR=News">hedgehog without his quills...</a> Poor little guy.





2009/03/08

I'm mainly posting at the moment to let everyone know that yes, I'm still alive and I'm sorry for not saying anything lately.

I'm definitely tweeting more than actually updating, and while it's ensuring I focus all of my little annoyances into 140 characters or less (or more if I need a second line), it also seems to be taking away my general need to update.

Except that it really isn't -- I just haven't had the time. I start work at 7 a.m., so I'm up at 5:30 and leaving the house by 6:30. In theory, this means that I'd get to leave the office around 3:00 or 3:30 -- except that it hasn't seemed to work out that way at all the last few weeks. Either I'm there late because of my own doing, or because there's something stupid going on that I have to either wait for or address in some way, shape or form.

I know that right now the economy is in the crapper and the government is working hard to address it and so on -- but there's a small part of me that wishes they'd called an election just to give us a break. :/

Okay, fine, maybe not, but I just know how *tired* everyone in our office is, and how seriously in need of a break we all are. It amuses me that a former manager of mine had talked about almost applying for my current manager's position; there's simply no way she would have been able to manage the pace, the hours, the demands of this office. I'm working more and longer hours right now than before, but overall I don't mind because there's a lot of respect here.

At least next week I'm getting my hair cut, and then a few days later flying out to visit my Nanny. It'll be nice to spend some time away and focusing on nothing more strenuous than reading, shopping, eating and crafts.

I can't wait until the weather improves and I can be more mobile. Even with the buses back, sometimes I feel somewhat stuck here in the house. I do love being back in the suburbs, but either because of the strike that really rendered me house-bound, the long winter, or just general malaise, I feel sometimes like I just can't go anywhere or do anything. And I want to do dumb things like go sit in a coffee shop (other than the one at the end of our street) with my laptop and write -- although those other shops don't have free wifi -- or go wander a mall, or drop in on a friend. Those are things that were much easier to do when I lived downtown, especially since I was closer to the friends that didn't mind the drop-ins. As much as I love living with the DB, there are times it feels like I can't get my own space -- or the space I was going to occupy is already taken up.

Ah well... bring on the spring! Or hell, go straight to summer, I won't mind. We certainly didn't get a good one last year. :/

2009/02/24


Now who could fail to love a face like that?

2009/02/21

2009/02/13

Urgh. Sometimes I just wish I could open my head and cut out the parts that fixate too much on the wrong things.

However, I got what I was thinking off my chest at least. Though I sometimes wonder if the impression is that I'm sharing in an attempt to inspire guilt, which isn't at all the case -- rather, to explain how I'm seeing the world, explain upset/frustration I may be experiencing, and/or bring things out in the open to be addressed.

If I never tell someone, "It hurts when you do X," how can I be upset if they continue doing X? Of course, it's frustrating as hell when you tell someone, "It hurts when you do X" and they carry right on doing that. That's either forgetfulness, disrespect and disregard for your emotions, or sheer asshattery.

Not to say that's the case now; simply looking back on my past with other articulations of "I feel" statements to people. Yes, it's a good communication tool, yes, it places the ownership of the thoughts/feelings on yourself, but when you're communicating with someone who disregards that or doesn't communication "properly"... holy hell. Prime example of that was the coworker -- if I did something he didn't like, it was my fault/problem and I had to change it. If he did something I didn't like, it was my problem and I just had to accept him for who he was.

Fortunately, such is not the case for the DB. We can recognize and attempt to address problems -- it's just difficult not to fall back into the same behaviour patterns sometimes, for both of us. Such are the joys of long-term relationships, but at the same time I imagine this is where the work part comes in.

2009/02/12

*sigh* Plus ça change...

I love being back here. I thought I'd gotten past this, but clearly not.

How can you have the same conversation, when it goes absolutely nowhere every time? I know I hold some responsibility, but... I just don't know.

I just don't know what else -- or how else -- to change.

2009/02/10

So it seems as though work is occasionally trying to up and kick my ass. I spent all weekend with my blackberry close by my side, which made for lots of fun. The DB and I were planning to go see a movie Friday night, and ended up staying in as I couldn't promise I would be free to enjoy things. Instead, we went on Saturday, and got to enjoy the teenage audience that comes with the 7:00 p.m. show. Complete with talking through the film, answering cell phones, and just generally filling me with rage. So, yay.

But on Saturday I also got to run a bunch of errands, like returning the broken floor lamp we'd bought the previous week at Canadian Tire. The housewares kid couldn't find it, even with 10 minutes of looking, so they refunded me the purchase on my MasterCard. I walked to the section, found the 4 lamps exactly where we'd found them the week before, and took it to the cash.

I also finally indulged myself on Saturday with a massage, buying some jeans (since I'm down to one pair that actually still fit over my fat lower half), some new work tops, and some betta fish. The DB keeps trying to convince me to put them together -- apparently they're lonely. I haven't yet chosen names for them.

Sorry, I'm boring today. I was just telling a coworker one of my habits with regards to the cats -- every morning when I leave for work, I tell them I'm going to work, and I should be home right afterwards; if I'm going to be doing something after work, I tell them and say that the DB should be home (again, if that's the case). I tell them I love them, to be good girls and to be nice to each other. Call it a superstition of sorts.

Last night, the DB and I went to the gym, and when we got back, I could see who I thought was Venus in the window, then by the time I got up to the door, Thena was in the window and talking to me, seemingly upset. I unlocked the door to open it, and Venus was on the ledge by the door, and Thena was on the ground -- and they both seemed somewhat frantic, though Thena especially. I'm almost certain I told them we were going to the gym, but I think maybe I didn't, and they were worried. We comforted them, and they calmed down eventually.

Although Thena did wake me up in the middle of the night last night by licking my face, so maybe she was still worried.

2009/02/04

I'm enjoying the fact that my appetite appears to have lessened, but I can't help but think I'm testing my luck somehow. Usually around now my stomach hates me and starts actively trying to kill me. It hasn't happened yet, but I'm ready and waiting for it.

I haven't had supper yet, and Wednesday is often pizza night for me. I could get adventurous and go to Boston Pizza for dinner... haven't had that since the DB's parents came to visit, so it's been a solid few months. Suddenly this idea is sounding better, though I think I'm going to have to find real pants to make this happen. Damnit.

I work from 7:30-3:30. Today I stayed until around 4, since my carpool lady was leaving a bit later. I get home, and from 5-6:30 or so, I get a flood of emails flying back and forth on the blackberry with lists of things to do tomorrow morning. *sigh* I was really enjoying having a quieter time after last week's neverending hell week. Yes, it was so bad it got emphasized.

The DB and I had our perpetual semi not argument/debate/discussion over who's more tired/who's been working the longest without a break last night as we were trying to get to sleep. I had to remind him that I was the one that woke him up Saturday morning, since he'd asked to be woken by noon -- so I kept waking up and dozing off all morning, keeping one eye on the time. I don't know what he has against alarm clocks, but he tried to blame me Friday night for not having woken him at 8 like he asked me to -- instead he just pointed out that I was asleep as well. I know for a fact he didn't ask me to wake him, he just said he was going to sleep for a bit.

I also pointed out that he was going to have a break in February for that stupid family day, whereas if not for the trip I've booked in March to see my grandmother, my next day off is/would be Easter. Which is April 10th and 13th this year.

And you know what? Somehow I imagine I'm going to be working through it.

I'm just feeling burnt out. I worked through Christmas, so I don't even have that to fall back on. At my previous job, I'd take a day now and again as a mental health day, but here and now I don't feel justified in doing that. There's always someone who's working harder and/or longer that's toughing it out, and not that I don't think my manager is awesome, but sometimes I feel as if I'm being made to feel guilty about asking for time off, like there isn't someone there more deserving, and why aren't I working harder, longer, more hours than everyone else?

I mentioned it to a friend of mine at work and she said she felt the same way, so there's that at least. And not that I'm at all calling it a vacation, but my boss was off for a decent period of time as combination stress/looking after her husband leave, so she at the very least had a break from work.

I don't know, I'm just whining. I like my job, I like my coworkers, I'm just having a hard time lately with the hours. The first while, I was at least going to bed at a semi-reasonable hour. Now, not so much -- I either end up staying up and going to bed shortly before the DB, or I can't sleep anyhow, because he's watching television in the living room and it travels right up the stairs. I end up wearing ear plugs to sleep, which helps a little bit, but I'm still tired because I've been up that much longer.

And the best part of all of it, the part that makes me so frustrated sometimes? He talks about how tired he is, and half the time he'll come home and pass out on the after work until I wake him for supper.

*sigh* I love looking forward to the next stages, when he'll have his own store, and there could be children running around... It'll probably get to the point where I have to check out my facebook page to remember what he looks like.

2009/02/02

Just to be clear, since it seems to be causing trouble for people -- I have not gone off the pill in an attempt to get pregnant. I have no interest in having a child at the moment, as I have a great deal of things I would like to accomplish first (the hardcore porn career being only one of these things).

For those who aren't clear on the concept, the birth control pill is a hormonal means of impeding pregnancy. Introducing extra hormones into a stable system can mess with said stable system; see: pregnancy as an extreme example. See: bodybuilders who take steroids. Therefore, introducing a combination of estrogen and progesterone into a stable hormonal system can and often does have side effects.

With yours truly, said side effects include but are not limited to migraines, emotional imbalances, and possibly weight gain. In an effort to reduce the drugs I have to take to cope with my special brand of migraines (non-aura migraines that mean only vast overdoses of over-the-counter drugs have even a remote hope of working), and to avoid having to buy additional medication to address the problem brought on by the aforementioned drugs, I opted to discontinue the pill.

I also lost one of the packs in our move, and didn't feel up to buying another months' worth, especially if I'm not positive they'll allow it.

Finally, I have had pill-free sex in the past with no negative repercussions (i.e., pregnancy), as I was quite careful in my condom use. The only reason I had gone back on the pill over the last few years was because my doctor got freaked out at the idea of a condom-using sexually-active chick such as myself being loose in the world, and we opted to try another method to see if it would help.

Now, I can't be certain that my weight gain is tied to the pill use, but it can certainly be a factor, especially given that I switched to a generic some time ago, and my weight gain appears to have been concentrated over the last year. The conspiracy theories, they abound!

So there's that little rant. Do I seriously seem that baby-crazy to some people or something? I mean hell, I would assume most of my friends would imagine I'd never have babies, the way I do go on about them.

Granted, the worst thing I've said about children applied to a family member of mine, so most of my friends have probably been spared my most strident anti-children comments.

I do also try to keep them down on here, as I do have friends who have kids who read here, and I don't want them thinking I'm talking about them.

Which segues nicely into a point I was thinking earlier, and started to nonsensically write up -- that is, it amuses me how easily people adapt what they read on here to suit their emotional needs at any given time. That is to say, it seems as though I could write a seriously generic statement like, "You made me happy today," and have any number of you readers (okay, two of the three of you) assume that it was meant to apply to you.

Sucks if someone takes offense to something that wasn't written about them, especially if I didn't even know that they read here or might've thought it would apply to them, but sometimes a bit funny, too.

But that's also why I do restrict myself on here at times, as I know that there are some who read on here -- with varying degrees of frequency -- and it would just be my luck for me to say that so-and-so was a useless twat, and that would be the one day of the month they had read what I'd written.

At the same time, I think it just factors in to how much we each want to be important to someone, even at just the friendship level. I know that I can get bummed out if I've been in frequent or semi-frequent contact with someone (especially when flirting is involved), only to have them reduce the frequency of said contact or disappear entirely. I could name names as to people who tend to appear and then disappear (SHAWNATHON), but I wouldn't want to call anyone out.

2009/02/01

Today I was hanging out with a girlfriend of mine, and she was asking me questions about my experiences with BDSM. I was describing some of the things I'd tried, and we started talking about our shared interests in certain pseudo-fetish gear wear -- leather bracelets and the like. I mentioned one item that I find to be significantly arousing, and suddenly, bam -- rush of heat between the legs. It's been so long since I've felt that I almost mentioned it, but wasn't sure she'd care to know.

It's going to be ... interesting being back off the pill.

I find it both amusing and frustrating that some people in my life have a hard time dealing with me as a sexual being, and it makes me wonder sometimes about their own sex life. I'm hardly pushing my sexual activities in others' faces, even when I was single, but yes, I am fairly open with my thoughts and experiences while online (re: the Whore's Boudoir. I certainly don't force anyone to read it, but I appreciate those who do -- especially when I hear back from people that I have echoed their thoughts or experiences in my writings. I think talking and musing about sex is a healthy thing to do, but I don't force anyone to do it with me.

I mean, I'm 28 years old. Certainly there are those with more experience than me in the world, and there are those with less. I've turned to many of my friends for advice on sexual matters, and I've had friends do the same to me. I like being able to provide advice or even simply a sympathetic ear. It's good to hear someone else say, "Yeah, I've had that happen, too" because it makes you feel like less of a loner and can lead to guidance as to how to cope.

So I can't help but wonder sometimes about people who have a difficult time talking about sex, whether it's with their friends or in general. Are they able to communicate effectively with their partner? Is their partner having a good time in bed? Are they?

I find it helpful to be open about my interests. It presents an easy opportunity for someone else to say whether or not they like the same thing, or elements of it. It provides for conversation topics (re: earlier this evening). And it lets people think of me as a freak if they're so inclined. But being open about things means that people will ask you questions or seek advice they may not feel comfortable going elsewhere to learn. That's a pretty nice feeling all around.

2009/01/28

Today is one of those rare but exceptional days where I'm feeling in touch with my feelings, honest, and able to own up to my (many) shortcomings.

It also appears to be one of those blocks of time in which people are feeling nostalgic and interested in getting in touch with one another -- I've had one person from my past reach out to me, and over the last few days/weeks I've been doing the same to another.

At least as far as the second goes, reflecting on the past is showing me that I did in fact act poorly in that circumstance, something I knew at the time but was unable to address because of my insecurity, dislike of hurting others, feeble attempts not to do so, and a general lack of knowledge as to how to properly address that which was going on. I'm not proud of it, but my relationship with this person doesn't appear to be suffering for it, since we're both able to look back and deal with it maturely.

Combined with today's honest phase, it's meant that I was able to apologize to him for how I acted, which he both graciously accepted and said was unnecessary. But I still feel a bit better for having done it, and a part of me wishes I could go back and do things better.

But that was then and this is now and all we can do is look backward and move forward. So, moving forward and possibly even spending some time with him when I go to visit my Nanny in March. We'll see what the weather and so on brings, but it's something to discuss and even anticipate.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm also feeling somewhat flirty and possibly even horny -- so I think I may be ovulating. Fun times! Ah well, it's nice to feel this way again. Damned birth control.
And let's share the brilliance (and yes, that line you're going WTF is true):

Hi (contact),

At your request, I am writing you regarding final invoices for
our old rental property located at (address), Ottawa, On.  There are four
charges total to us, but we believe that we should only be paying for two of
them.

As per our signed contract, we agreed to have the carpets steam
cleaned upon vacating the premises due to the fact we had pets.  As well, we
caused minor drywall damage as we were moving out, so it is fair to pay the
repair cost to the entrance.  However, we do not agree with the charges for (company) junk removal and (company) Housekeeping.

When we first took over
the property on Nov 1st, 2007 we arrived to find the home in a very poor state
of cleanliness.  The agent we were dealing with at the time actually informed us
that they had not had a chance to check the house and no one had been in to
clean.  We were forced to delay our move by two days so we could properly clean
the house, as it had seemed it had not been cleaned the entire time the previous
tenants had been living there. I spent a complete day trying to clean the
upstairs bathroom trying to remove a year's worth of soap scum in the shower and
tub which had almost turned to tar.  We also spent a complete day cleaning the
kitchen as it had not been touched in quite some time. The fridge had old
spilled juice inside, the counters were coated in dirt and the pantry was full
of soil.  The stove top and oven were also in rough shape. As an added bonus, a
box of used vaginal suppositories was left in the fridge as a gift from the
previous tenants.  In total, we spent roughly 12 hours each cleaning the house
prior to our arrival.  I also saw no indication steam cleaning had taken place
prior to our arrival, despite the previous tenants owning a dog.  Before our
departure, we spent three nights of five hours each cleaning and preparing the
home for the new tenants.  Our only concern was the bile in the carpets (not
feces as the note states) from a cat having vomited. We knew however the steam
cleaning would remove this, which we had previously agreed to.  It is not fair
to us that we should be charged for house cleaning when we left this house 100
times cleaner then the way we received it. 

As for the junk that was
left in the house.  Everything that was left in the house when we left was there
when we arrived with the exception of the garbage in the garage that was slated
to go out on Friday for pick up.  The previous tenants told us that the owned
had left behind some stuff for the tenants to use such as the giant TV, a broken
lawnmower, a broken BBQ, an air conditioning unit and a garage full of lawn
tools and various other things. The storage room in the basement also contained
quite of bit of junk such as paint, wood and old fixturing.  Since we were not
shown the house by an agent and rather by the tenants themselves, we had no
choice but to believe the tenants about the contents of the house. Everything we
left behind was there when we arrived.

However, since there was no clean
up crew prior to our arrival, no one noticed how much of a mess the house was or
how much junk was left behind. We were left to deal with the problems
ourselves.  It is not good business to let one client go and not check up on
them and charge the other one. I would gladly make up an invoice for the time
invested with our cleaning services prior to our arriving for 12 hours at 70$ an
hour and we could deduct it off our current bill if it will help ease matters. 
We are not trying to stiff anyone, we just want to be treated fairly.

If
you have any questions, don't hesitate to write back or call

Thank
you

In response to the letter we received from our housing company, the DB wrote a brilliant email to them that had me cheering and laughing as I read it. I'll share it later so all two of you can appreciate it as well. It was interesting, since it was the first time I'd read something he'd written in a professional/business style, and I thought it was very well done.

Then in the evening I became annoyed with him again, since that's sometimes almost my default, depending on the day.

I exaggerate for comedic purposes -- hyperbolize, if you will. These instances are usually quite obvious, like claiming I'd eaten a bazillion pounds of chocolate over the weekend, when in reality I may have only eaten four chocolate bars or something equally bad (and I don't think I've done that since I was a kid, so stop judging me). That said, when I'm relating information on how much money I spent on something/how much time I invested reading something/how early I went to bed, I'm unlikely to exaggerate -- there, my point is to get some sympathy or recriminations or whatever.

So, when I tell the DB that I spent 13.5 hours at work yesterday and he tells me I didn't, I get annoyed. Especially when he claims that I only spent 11 hours at work, with a 2 hour commute.

Not so much.

I am usually at work for 7:20/7:30ish. Yesterday, in light of Budget day (everyone's favourite day!), I was at work until 9:00 p.m. -- count it, 13.5 hours. I got home around 9:30 after the taxi I took almost got into a major car accident -- and to be honest, I was almost too tired to care -- and in the mornings, I leave my neighbourhood at 6:40 or so in the morning (and then walk from where the carpool lady parks, hence the slightly later start).

So yes, it was a 13.5 hour day, plus an hour or so commute.

I almost wouldn't care, but he's done it almost every time I've worked over 10 hours -- he consistently tells me that no, I didn't work the 11/12/whatever hours I'm claiming I worked. I don't know why; it's not like I'm trying to ask him to cover my overtime, or be the one to come in to work the next day or something. I'm simply trying to explain why I'm so tired/crabby/hungry/whatever, and being told that no, I didn't do something I know damn well I did, well, it annoys me.

Much like when he claims I never reread my books, use something I'm hanging on to, watch a given movie or television show, or listen to a particular type of music. Just because he doesn't see me do it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Hell, he doesn't see me shower in the mornings, and I still do that every day. He doesn't see me catch a carpool, go to work, or do my job -- and yet somehow I do those every day.

(I was going to go with bodily function themes here, but opted to be kinder to your mental pictures of me. Especially since I'm a girl and apparently we don't do those things.)

I need to wake up enough to get up a good head of steam, but I will say this; if the Liberals/NDP/Bloc do take down the current government, I am seriously going to cut a bitch. I do not want to have to go through all of this crap again in a few months' time when the coalition government or newly-elected government has to present their own Budget and all of that. I also think it would be seriously irresponsible to try to bring down government at this particular point in time, but that's another issue.

2009/01/26

I know this is a continuation on a previous theme, but I like this:

Me: "How's your day going?"
Him: "Lousy, why?"
Me: "Want to call our previous housing company and tell them to go fuck themselves?"
Him: "Why?"
Me: "Here's a letter they sent, here's stuff they're claiming, here's the amounts they want us to pay. The first two we agreed to; these others are part of the bullshit."
Him: "Okay, bye."

I am so mad I'm shaking, but I would be too fucking polite to tell them what I really think -- or at least to make it stick. Sure, I talk a good game, but deep down for the most part I'm a complete wimp.

Luckily for me, he can play the bastard when it's necessary and make it work. It may be too late in the day to have resolution now, but at least I have the wheels in motion.

2009/01/24

I'm not entirely sure where my mind is at. I don't know if it's because the daily grind is getting to me and there's no end in sight, or if I feel a bit at loose ends without school hanging over my head, but some days, I just don't know what to do with myself. Yesterday, for example, I was greatly looking forward to doing little to nothing all weekend, aside from going out tonight for a friend's birthday. When the DB got home yesterday, he said how he hadn't bothered getting anything from the store for dinner as he had thought about taking me out for dinner, then halfway home realized he'd made plans to go to the casino with his friend.

This bothered me and didn't on a few levels -- one, I had to go back to the store to pick up dinner fixings. Two, I hadn't been considered in the plans for the casino, which, when I thought it was just the two of them, didn't really bother me. When the friend arrived and his roommate/fwb/girlfriend was also there, I was a bit put out, though not hugely. I could've gone with them if I had really wanted to, but, like the night we all went to see Tropic Thunder, I would've felt as though I was possibly inviting myself along where I was, while not unwelcome, not necessarily invited.

Again, this wouldn't be that big of a deal if it wasn't for the pending possible Cuba trip. While we have a deal lined up to go to Hawaii (or Florida, or Las Vegas), the DB is going to look into whether or not this can be postponed, because his friend E (the same guy from last night) and his cousin A are looking to go to Cuba again, and the DB thinks it would be fun to go with them. Okay, cool -- small group, good times, good people, no pressure to spend every waking moment with them, great.

Except then the roommate/fwb/girlfriend is probably going to go. Okay, five people, no big deal. Then the DB says that it's getting to be a pretty big group -- another guy from the store, and maybe L, A's brother... so now we're up to 7 and maybe growing. And as the DB points out, no, we don't have to spend every waking moment with the group, but now... now I'm less eager to go, and I feel like a jerk about that.

Because, despite my social nature, my ability to make do in most situations, and all of that, I'm not a party person. I'm really strongly an introvert, and I need my decompression time. I hated being forced into group work when I was in school, I hate that my carpooling to and from work means that I am semi-obligated to make small talk for two hours a day, five days a week, I even sort of hate having people come to stay with us or us go to stay with them because of the social customs obligations. And that's me -- I'm the out-going one out of the two of us. I at least make the effort, most of the time, to be social in social situations. The DB, on the other hand, practically turns himself inside out in an effort to become tiny and disappear so as not to be obligated to socialize, make small talk, or whatever.

However, put him down with some of his friends, and he can be quite the reverse (though not usually when it's family). I'm the same around my friends, though some days I'm quite quiet and content to just let the conversation go around me. If I haven't socialized in awhile, I can be a bit difficult to shut up (even at work, my poor colleagues).

I know I'm almost certainly getting myself worked up over nothing, and I'm certain I have friends who can relate to how I feel and others who can't even come close to understanding it, but I just feel unsettled about this, and definitely less excited about the prospect. Granted, I don't even know if the DB has contacted the Hilton yet to see if we can even postpone the trip, but I definitely would love to go to Cuba. I just know I wasn't too enthused about going with a couple of partiers (which A and E are), but at least there I know that we wouldn't be expected to spend every waking moment with them, and no hard feelings. But if suddenly the group balloons to 7-plus people, many of whom are much more excited about the prospect of unlimited drinks than I am... I don't know. Especially given that I really don't know at least two of them who are going.

Yes, the DB would and probably will tell me I'm being ridiculous if I bother to tell him how I feel. But I just feel as though lately we really aren't spending any quality/couple time together, which is one issue, and I liked that our last trip I was able to spend tonnes of time on the beach, reading, taking naps, and relaxing. Sure, on the one hand I would've liked to have spent a bit more time doing things, but that wasn't the goal for him, and that wouldn't have been nearly as relaxing. I know this time I'd like to go to one of the clubs one night, but I also want a lot of that quiet time. I really haven't had a break since August, as the October wedding was a bit spoiled by my grandfather's death, and I worked through Christmas -- and I imagine the DB feels the same way, minus the death aspect.

I booked a trip to go and visit my grandmother in March, so at least I have that. And yes, I do have weekends at least, but they fly by and are usually a combination of too short, feeling frustrated because I want to go out and don't want to spend money/can't drag the DB out of the house/don't really have anywhere in particular I want to go/want to sit at home and do crafts/read/play on the computer, then back to frustrated because the weekend has flown by and I don't feel as though I relaxed, accomplished what I wanted to, got out of the house enough, didn't stay in enough, or *whatever*.

I guess this is just my seriously long-winded way of saying I don't know if I'm *happy* right now, but I don't know what it would take to make it that way.

2009/01/23

Okay, so no one has commented on my last post, it's been over 24 hours and clearly no one cares, so screw you all.

Also, hair cuts in my world are serious business. Which is funny if you look at my hair on a daily basis like I do, because I really have no concept of how to actually style my hair, and it randomly rearranges itself into insanely stupid styles every time a camera gets near it. Then my face teams up with my hair to make me look incredibly stupid, and you get gems like these.

Some recent:


Some older:




The stunned:


The DB is a jerk:


The "should be okay, but I don't like it":


And:


And yeah. Continue that trend.

At the same time, every now and again I get one I do like (here it's nice if you don't focus too much on my face):


Or here:


Ah, photo posts, how exciting you are, especially when you feature this face.

Anyhow, as I was saying before I got so rudely interrupted, yesterday I proved my dedication to my stylist and my poor hair by walking 7.5km to get my hair cut -- and then a further 1.5km to the nearest shopping centre, in the hopes of increasing my odds of catching a cab. I took some photos along the route as a bit of a recommendation from a coworker, and maybe I'll share them later.

In the end the cab part didn't matter, as the DB offered to come and get me, but I did still have a fair bit of time to kill -- and fortunately for me, the shopping centre features a Future Shop, Michael's, and Chapters (among other stores), so I'm pretty much set for quite some time. I figure the money I saved on cab fare I more than invested in Michael's. :/

Red wine... mother, teacher, secret lover.

I'd also like to say, on another random tangent, I really hate when people say they're going to do something and then don't, whether that's call, keep in touch, lend you something, return something, or whatever.

I had an unrelated realization about some guys in my past/friendship circle about arrogance/confidence/insecurity/sliminess/girls, but I'll save it for a more awake/sober time.

I did however learn yesterday that my reputation precedes me at work; apparently one girl from the IT division who undeservedly grumped at me over the phone was asking others about me, and the word that got to her was that I was cool, had a really dry sense of humour, and was good to work with. She and I had a nice chat over the phone today, so I think once she was assured I wasn't a complete tool, she felt like she owed me a fair shake. I win!

2009/01/22

(As a warning, this is long, meandering, and some of it originally started as me reacting mentally at least to this article about girls and video games... then never got anywhere near it. Also, since this was total stream of consciousness, I believe it'll have more than a few run-on sentences. You have been warned.)

For some reason this week, I keep waking up with songs in my head. I actually listen to the radio less than I used to while living alone (I don't turn it on in the mornings anymore, for example), and yet twice in the last week I've woken up with earworms.

Earlier it was "Beautiful U" by Deborah Cox, and I think it was because I'd heard it on the radio a few hours before bed. This morning it was "Eye of the Tiger", which I can at least blame on having played Rock Band 2 last night (though again, hours before bed). Though maybe having been unable to sleep well, my psyche decided I needed some sort of motivating to get going... though it's going to learn that annoying 80s rock is not the way to do it.

Of course, after playing it again last night and remembering this post and having played it last night, suddenly I have it stuck in my head once more. *sigh* My psyche hates me.

Beyond all of that, I'm now fully enjoying my post-post-graduate phase, and throwing myself into other leisure activities. Last night, for example, I was falling asleep on the couch while playing Rock Band 2 at 7 o'clock at night, 'cause that's how I roll.

Hell, a Friday night recently both the DB and I were ready to go to sleep at 10 o'clock. I don't know about him, but the only thing that kept me up until 11 was that we were watching an episode of CSI: Miami I hadn't seen, and I wanted to know how it ended. *shame*

I think sometimes the DB doesn't enjoy watching television with me simply because I do heckle or mock the conventions, stereotypes and other things that I see that annoy me. I can certainly turn my brain off and enjoy something that doesn't have much in the way of educational value, but at the same time, I can get seriously irritated with the misogyny, misandry, stereotyping, insulting, blah blah blah that occur in the show.

I know of plenty of people who hate Sex and the City, for example, and I can completely sympathize with the reasons why, whatever they may be (though some, like the attractiveness of the characters, is a completely subjective issue -- as I for one think that Parish Hilton is incredibly unattractive, but there are those out there who would love nothing more than to be all up in her grill). But I think for a lot of people -- men and women -- a great deal of the appeal to the show was our ability to relate to the issues that the women were going through. Financial difficulty, divorce, adultery, exes, new relationships, going crazy in a relationship, childbirth, conception... many of us have experience with some or all of those issues, and while perhaps we didn't react in the same manner, we could at least analyze why the characters acted the way they did.

But there are certain say, genres, of commercials that simply drive me batty. Beer commercials, on the whole, are one of those. Commercials for cleaning products are definitely there -- 99 times out of 100, it seems as though the person doing the cleaning or bemoaning the lack of an effective cleaning product is a woman, and if a man happens to be present in the commercial, he appears to barely have the wherewithal to dress himself competently, let alone use whatever cleaning product the woman is currently having orgasms over. Let me tell you this -- I have never, in all of my 28 years of being female, had or witnessed a woman in any kind of throes of ecstasy over a new toilet scrub, mop, broom, Swiffer duster, counter scrub, paper towel, or anything else of that nature.

Now, as a caveat, I believe it's a variation on Rule 34 -- there is a fetish for everything. There are men and women, I am certain, who have fetishes for cleaning, cleaning products, etc. That said, I am willing to go out on an unsubstantiated limb and declare that these people are in the minority -- so why the fuck am I subjected to their all-pervasive fetishes on television at all hours? To my mind, it's akin to every commercial that plays off sexuality using furries as their basis; certainly, there are furries in the world, but they are not the majority, by far -- so why would their fetish be used as the baseline/norm?

Oddly enough, I haven't actually seen any cleaning product commercials in recent memory; most of my tv watching lately has been DVDs or PVRed shows whereby I get to fast-forward the commercials. Either that or it's been Spike/whatever other network runs CSI marathons, and I keep seeing ads for Patrick Swayze's new show, Beast (yeah, I just participated in viral marketing -- but I'm still not going to watch it, do you hear me Spike!?)

Newsflash, Proctor & Gamble, SC Johnson, Unilever, and all of you other companies (and I don't even know if these ones make cleaning products); there are lots of men out there who do some, most or all of the cleaning in a household, even when there are woman around! While I take ownership of the laundry in our house, it's primarily for two reasons: one, I don't have to subject the DB to my dirty undies; and two, I have a lot of sweaters and pants that can't go in the dryer, and rather than try to tell him which is which, it's just easier to do myself. Beyond that, though, he cleans his own bathroom, I clean mine, and he does the vacuuming. We both deal with garbage and the dishwasher, and previous to living with a boy, I handled all of these horrendous tasks on my own -- and he handled all of them on his own, because he hadn't been dropped on his head repeatedly as a child and actually understands how to use cleaning products without having his mom or some other female presence nearby to read out the big words to him and/or explain that sometimes things get dirty and you need to use something to clean them.

If I were to see a trend towards advertising agencies/companies showcasing men as just as capable and just as likely to be doing the cleaning in their ads, I might just become a brand-loyal consumer, that holy grail of consumers. As it stands, we're as likely to buy no-name as not, if there isn't a difference (I have learned where it doesn't pay to go cheap, like garbage bags, for example). And as a caveat to this -- this doesn't mean that you try for the ironic approach, like that commercial that ran in the last year or two that sets us up to expect a woman by panning up the backside of someone bent over a stove, focusing somewhat on his/her butt and then giving us the surprise reveal when a man turns around, wearing a frilly pink apron, wearing oven mitts and complaining about having been slaving over a hot stove all day to his executive wife. This is not the same thing as subverting stereotypes, since you're simply calling attention to them and then reasserting them by making the average consumer react like, "ha ha, that's not right! Men don't cook, wear frilly pink aprons or care abuot slaving over the hot stove all day! Women don't have high-powered jobs, or if they do, they're supposed to be the ones coming home to cook a hot meal!"

And to try to pre-empt the argument I've heard a few times -- "But it's just one commercial, it really doesn't mean anything... and quiet down, you're scaring people" -- yes, it's just one commercial. One of anything in isolation won't usually have much effect on something. But when this message is repeated day in and day out in media after media... it has a serious cumulative effect that isn't even always immediately apparent.

To illustrate my point -- if one stranger one day told you that you were fat/ugly/stupid/whatever, it's easy to shrug off. But if you were to be told this over 2,100 times a day (the number of ads we see in a day, and if memory serves that figure comes from the 90s, so up it), then it's going to affect you. Assume maybe half of those ads aren't saying anything negative about you -- after all, we see ads for diapers, which aren't usually sexualizing women or equating romantic love with a consumer product -- that's still over a thousand times a day that random people are telling you that you're fat, ugly, stupid, and so on. Add to that the fact that not only is consumer media telling you this, but the people around you are advertantly or inadvertantly reinforcing this message, and it's enough to make you want to scream. Which is where I come in.

See, it's things like this that make me fairly certain I fell into the right degree (for clarification, BA and MA in Communications with focus on media studies) and sort of career path (government communications, focusing on media and some web designing; bit of a bird of a different feather, but still related). Right now, as I think about it, I didn't immediately see the application of my degree to my career, and even though I was fairly certain that I remembered maybe 1/100th of what I learned, I think it's all slowly coming back out as I go day to day.

I've also become much more aware of and comfortable with discussing feminist issues, which is going to be the next eventual degree (after paying down some debt), although I think for career development purposes, the web designer role will be the next one pursued. I know a friend of mine from school wants to get into hosting a webzine, and I'm going to be the lead on the tech side of things, which sounds fun. In the meantime, though, there's the exercise goal that comes first, as well as life in general.

I don't have specific goals for the next few years, but I've always had vaguely-defined ones. When I first signed on with my financial planner, he asked me what my financial goals were, and I really didn't have an answer. I was 23 when I first started contributing to my RRSP, and my declared goal was to own a house before I turned 30. Voilà, goal achieved.

I've also always wanted to be married and planning if not starting a family before I was 30 if life worked out that way, but that was a harder one to pinpoint. After all, saving up for a house is mostly dependent on me; meeting someone compatible who feels the same about me and wants the same things out of life isn't as easy to pursue. I did my best, dating all over the place, even when I knew I wasn't seeing someone long-term. That was a learning process in and of itself, as I've said many times on here (it's a bit like doing a year of an undeclared major in university -- get a feel for what's out there, figure out what interests me, and make efforts to pursue that).

However, I can't and won't specifically set lines in the sand for when personal life goals must be achieved, especially when they involve someone else as significantly as marriage/babies do. We're talking about going down south again this spring (originally the date mentioned was April; now apparently it could be as late as May), and so I have a fitness goal I've finally began working on and I have a deadline of sorts in place. Am I going to stop my efforts when we return? Hopefully not. Am I hoping I will look good in a bikini for once in my life by then? Certainly. Will I beat myself up if I don't? No. I'll be disappointed, certainly, but I can't turn it into a make-or-break issue, otherwise I'll simply see it as too daunting and I won't work on it (see: research paper). That's partly why I haven't talked about it and I'm only slightly talking about it now; if I go around telling everyone that's what I'm going to do, it's additional pressure that I just don't want. I'd rather simply surprise everyone. :)

So yes, I have my personal goals that I'd like to work towards, but when you're dating someone who's both stubborn and seemingly doesn't like to plan beyond maybe a week (or on rare occasions, a few months) in advance, it can be challenging. When we first moved in together, it was me who raised the issue and it was sort of not really out of the blue. My lease was coming up, his landlord brought another person into the house without consulting him, and we were practically living together already -- but we basically talked about it once or twice and then got started on looking for a place (which I found, go me). We had both hoped to have purchased a home by then, but neither of us wanted to buy a house without having lived together first, obviously.

I tried to raise the issue of post-lease arrangements once or twice, but when there was still 8 months to go, it was still somewhat early and I recognized as much. In August, when we were in Vegas (with about 2 and a half months left to go on the lease), I raised the issue again -- and that gave it a bit more momentum. But again, there wasn't a great deal of in depth conversation on it, and while on the one hand I don't have any problems with how we went about everything to date, on the other hand I sometimes have a concern that we might have been perceived as impulsive, or uninformed or something. There was definitely a lot of advice given pre-house-purchase, but no one (aside from the Arrogant Bastard in his own way) came out and said, "Don't do this."

We have had brief conversations about marriage and babies, but it's only in bits and pieces that I learn what it is he wants for that kind of future (career-wise, I already know; he's way ahead of me on that count). I have no clue when or even if my friends talked about how many kids, what kind of school/religion they would have, where they see themselves personally X number of years down the line, etc., with their spouses. I've been told that marriage counselling is great for getting these issues out in the open and discussed, but I can't help but feel as though these should come about before engagement happens.

I chatted briefly back in the summer with my French friend Ben (otherwise known to some of you as the Marshmallow), who talked about buying pets with his fiancée after the kids are grown and out of the house. At this time, they have no children, either together or apart, and it kinda startled me to hear about someone talk so long-range about their life -- but at the same time, I felt like maybe this is how you should think if/when you're planning a future with someone. Maybe you're supposed to look beyond the now and into what about 10, 20, 30 years from now.

However, you can also get hit by a bus tomorrow and not have this future, so maybe you shouldn't try to plan too far ahead.

So I do know a few things, here and there, but I often have to bargain to get them out of him. It's one of my few semi-ongoing frustrations about our relationship, the inability at times to have an actual serious conversation. He claims I'm just as bad, but I feel I initiate more of the serious conversations, and that when I do, I'm able to stay serious through them longer. Maybe I'm biased about it, and I know that it's as much a security measure for both of us as anything (hell, I joked at both of my grandfathers' funerals, because I'm just that awesome), but that doesn't mean it can't be annoying.

That said, there has been at least one conversation in recent memory that was serious all the way through -- I think I alluded to it on here. I'm not sure that the issues raised at that time were resolved (for all I can tell, we've regressed right back to where we were then), but I found it encouraging that a few hours later when the DB returned home, he said that he had thought about what I had said and agreed with me on a number of points, and brought up ways to address them. As I told him then and as I'm repeating now, I hadn't wanted and I wasn't trying to engage in any finger-pointing -- I know that many of his bad habits are just as equally mine -- but it was nice to hear that my concerns were recognized and shared, and to have constructive ways presented to try to address them.

In other news, I finally found a treat that even Venus likes -- so yesterday ended on a pretty positive note.

2009/01/15

This represents the end of an era. I have officially, finally and completely finished my masters' research paper, turned it in, had my grade entered into the computer, and so on. It's all done, and despite the DB waiting until I have my degree in my hand to formally congratulate me, it's over.

Such a relief, and in a weird way, I don't really feel anything from it.

I don't know if it's because it's taken me so long to get here, or if I somehow don't feel it's that big of a deal, or what, but at least I know it's out of my life.

And I get to call myself a Master of something -- with the paperwork to back it up. ;) (And in this instance, it's a MA in Communications, with a focus in media studies).

Okay, eventually.

Anyhow, the admin assistant at the uni (who gave me a hug when I dropped off all the copies yesterday), my prof supervisor, and even the career counsellor I had the final session with today have all asked me what it is I want to do next -- academics I guess figure everyone else is equally devoted to academia.

I realized some time ago I'm at my happiest when I'm learning. That was part of what kept me at my last job for the extra year and a half plus -- I had learned new skills and was doing something I found interesting. I'm hoping to keep this sort of trend going, which is perhaps why right now web design interests me a little more than communications in a broad sense; there's more to learn with the former, and the technology is always evolving, whereas while trends change in the second, it's a bit more concrete overall.

In the meantime, we're going through the sub-bazillion degrees freezing stretch that we always get at least once during the wintertime. I blame Jay; in a post about <a href="http://lunarbovine.com/blog/2009/01/skating-on-the-canal/">skating on the Canal</a>, he made a point of saying that Ottawa winters are nothing compared to Winnipeg winters, and how hardy and awesome and wonderful he and his wife are compared to the rest of us. Well, thanks a bunch, Jay! I shake my tiny internet fist at you.

2009/01/05

Day one of the new schedule - pick up at 6:30 a.m. to be downtown for about 7ish. As it turns out, my ride parks about six blocks from my work, so I have a nice walk twice a day to get me to work. Ah well, at least it's exercise -- but it'll definitely suck on the cold days. Then again, here's hoping the transit strike will end soon and we'll be back on buses. Especially since I've learned I'm now able to take the 6:30 express (there are two; 6:30 and 7:30) instead of having to catch the bus at 6:00 a.m. At least I only have to get used to early hours once. Or several times a week, given that I have to do this 5 times a week... and I hate being up early.

I'm not a morning person.

It was especially fun when I woke up at 4:30 this morning and couldn't really get back to sleep before my alarm went off. And I couldn't get comfortable half the night because of my re-strained back and my sore toe.

Oh, I'm in awesome shape.

But tonight will be an early bedtime and tomorrow will involve ungodly amounts of caffeine and I will survive. Somehow.