And for those who don't read LJ or who have been desperately waiting for me to update (coming eventually), MST party tonight at my apartment. Call for details.


New post up at Whore's Boudoir.

I remembered what else I wanted to talk about yesterday, and it ties a bit into my post. One of the nice things about getting older and meeting people is that it becomes easier to meet people who have a basic idea of what's going on in relationships and/or the bedroom. Suddenly you're meeting guys who understand how to manipulate the g-spot or not anger the clit, and it's wonderful. The training time is cut in half, and the enjoying time is greatly increased.

Now, if you're lucky and it's what you're looking for, feelings go along well with these experiences, too. It's really nice to be able to cuddle with someone after sharing a positive sexual experience and feel warmed and comforted, or even to just share a moment like that without the sex side.

As much as I like my boys to have experienced a bit of life, sometimes it's a bit depressing to suspect or realize that it isn't the first time that the partner has been so into cuddling, or saying sweet nothings or whatnot. But as it was pointed out to me last night, and as I should know from my own history, we're not the same with every person we date, so some behaviours might be new -- after all, they might've been rebuffed by past partners. Who knows?

It's funny that I wrote a post about baggage, given that I've been working through a bunch of mine recently without even really realizing it. It was when I was talking to Shawn last night that I realized what I was doing. I'm a drunk monkey.

Speaking of drunk, I went out on Friday with Ben, Moose and the third brother, and a few other folk. I had three Smirnoff, which is a good night for me, and had a good conversation with Moose. I lost the pool games I played, but managed to keep everything together, so I don't feel bad. I'm not the best pool player -- I just get lucky breaks sometimes -- and I haven't played in forever. Now I kinda want to play again.

Anyhow, after going home, I futzed around online for awhile, and wound up in a really interesting, really revelatory conversation with the Newf for awhile. I don't know if it's the holidays, or his circumstances, or what the story is, but there was stuff in there that was both good and surprising to learn. We arranged to go for lunch the next day to continue the conversation and simply hang out, since we haven't seen one another since things ended (aside from one brief afternoon when he dropped off my stuff and picked up his roommate's game, which I'd borrowed), but that didn't pan out. Ah well. :)

I was making myself stupid yesterday, which I'm prone to do, and my supportive friends are wonderful. :D And by supportive, I'm being heavily sarcastic, but also serious. Basically, they are supportive, but they're supportive in the same way that I am -- abusively. I love it, 'cause it makes me laugh and points out how ridiculous I'm being. In cases where real support is needed, it's obtained, and given in return.

And it looks as though I'll be going into work on my three days off. Boo. Originally it was looking like it would be a 15-30 minute job, depending on where they wanted things posted, but now it's turning into a half-day, given the new work that's come about.

Dear fellow employees: if you suspect that you will need a web page by January 1, then please do not try desperately calling your web employees December 22nd, at 11:50 to request the work get done. Especially since this is the creation of a new page, not a simple posting. Also, just because the Regulations take effect January 1 doesn't mean that registrants really will be submitting things that day. Possibly January 2, when we're all back at work will be sufficient? Argh.

And finally, in another point-and-laugh at Jen moment, my home phone rang this morning around a quarter to ten, waking me up. I have a phone on my headboard, so it's easy to grab (if I remember to keep it in its cradle). I took a second to try to wake up a bit, then answered. The caller asked for Ron; I wasn't sure I'd heard the name right, so asked who. She asked, 'isn't this 555-1234?'

Now, I'm pretty sure the number she gave actually was mine, but I can't think first thing in the morning, so my response was, 'this is 555-... I'm sorry, I don't remember what number this is.' We hung up shortly after.

Now, I've had this number ever since I moved into this place, and while I don't use it as much as I do my cell phone, I am generally able to recite it when it's asked for. Sometimes I second-guess myself, but I'm usually right. Not being able to remember what it is at all, well, that's just me. :)

And second finally, Venus went to the vet yesterday and eventually ended up curled up in my jacket (with a bit of my help, but she was very willing). It was very cute, and I took pictures with my cell phone. If Ben and I end up hacking my various phones as planned, or if I get off my butt and spend the $0.30 to mail it to myself, I'll post it. She was very well-behaved at the vet, and so I'll probably keep her another month or two. We'll see if she behaves in the meantime.

Anyhow, merry Christmas to all of you, and be nice to your loved ones. Spend some naked cuddling time if you get the chance, and if you want to hang out, drop me a line. I'm all about socializing and slightly about school during this break. :)


I love the unique brand of support I get from Shawn, which consists of phrases like, "Shut up he loves your tits" and something more that I tragically didn't save. Stupid ICQ and its stupid non-history saving unless you set it to.

Why yes, I'm fine, why do you ask?


Enamoured, infatuated, in love...

I had a discussion with my boss today, of all people, about boys and love and so on. She said when she first met her husband, she just knew that he was the one for her. I have a cousin who first asked out her now-husband. I know I've made the first move a few times with boys, and I've met the odd guy here and there where I just really wanted them to be as into me as I was into them. I've also met boys where I felt comfortable knowing that they were into me, and it wasn't something I had to question or doubt.

Do guys also get the "I know this is the one for me" feeling?

I've thought I've felt it a few times before, and been very wrong, so I feel suspicious of any kind of positive/hopeful feelings now when it comes to relationships. Maybe not always, but sometimes. There are times I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, because I can be a paranoid twit.

I don't want anyone to read this and think that all I want out of life is a ring on my finger. That would be shallow and ridiculous. What I want is the companionship and the comfort and the someone to lean on and share burdens with. And someone to share the bills with. :)

I thought I had more to say, but I can't think of it. Got a situation ironed out though, and I think it has a favourable outcome. At least, I don't seem to have lost all ties with someone that I found interesting, which is nice. Would've been rather disappointing otherwise.

Also, I could really go for sex right now. Damn this libido of mine, and its crazy schedule!


This made me laugh way too much:

My score on The What Is Your Orgasm Face? Test:


The Ugly
(Your orgasm face is 50 passive and 49 aggressive!)

"This is self explanatory. As there must be balance in life, there must be yin and yang, light and dark, mom and dad, left and right, etc. And if the sex is so damn good you do not care that you are spitting and drooling and looking cross-eyed at your partner like a slimy pseudo Shrek impersonator exploding with glee, chances are, your partner is horrified. Hell you might even scare them into orgasm (see The Face of Fear category).

This look has destroyed many a relationship and marriage. And not because you're a bad lover. It's just...well it's goddamn freaky is what it is. Who likes to have sex with aliens? NO I'm talking Ridley Scott/H.R. Giger Aliens people! Hell, in my experience in face to face combat with "The Ugly", I was scared I was gonna get EATEN ALIVE and immediately started beating her with my shoe. I didn't mean to, it's just instinct of survival.

You're a good lover and a good listener. Use those attributes to your advantage to save yourself from any uneeded abuse, and thus ruining the love-making experience. Be courteous, and either:
a) Switch to a position facing AWAY from each other.
b) Bury your face in the nape of their neck, chest, breasts, whatever, etc.

Partners of "The Ugly" can do the same, or alternately, if their partner has long hair, they can wrap it around their eyes like a bandana and pray to god it ends quick.

View all the categories!

The Face of Fear

The Ugly

The Angry

The Blank

The Happy Dreamy

The "O"


Take it!
Ok Cupid
Good times. It's December 17th, and I'm going to go out for a ride on the motorcycle!

Other good times to list, but for now, that's enough -- gotta get going before the weather changes. :)


I consider it yet another of my body's cruel ironies that the time at which I feel like crap and sort of want no one touching me, I also want someone to take me and fuck my brains out.
One quick one now, one other quick one later.

Details on upcoming Futurama return. I know I'm stoked.


This site is approaching its five year anniversary. It's funny in a way that it's been up so long -- I've been through a lot in that time, and not much of it involves a five-year commitment to anything.

In the last five years, I've:

  • Finished my BA;

  • Started my MA (after a two-year school-free gap);

  • Moved out on my own;

  • Moved again;

  • Lost Chloë, Mike and my grandmother;

  • Gained Shadow, Thena, and Venus;

  • Changed jobs a number of times, resulting in my current career job;

  • Loved and lost a few times;

  • Seen friends move away;

  • Seen friends get engaged, get married, move in and out and in to homes, start families...

It's a lot for a little blog to take. (There was some more in there I remembered yesterday, but now I've forgotten it, too.)

We've moved from the original, much-maligned pink pawprints motif to the current dull, white transition motif -- which has been a transition for how long now? Too long. If only I had graphical skills to go with my new-found HTML skills. Ah well.

I was working on something on our work webpages today that was a challenge, and it was a fun one. I futzed and tried to figure out the best way to implement some navigational changes to the webpages, and I'm pleased with how they worked out. It's nice to look at the code and understand how to change it to make it do what I want -- and have it work exactly as predicted. Maybe I really do have an aptitude for this. :)

I miss writing. I miss having words I want to put on paper, other than governmentese. I have started writing a story again, but it goes in fits and spurts -- mostly fits -- and it's not yet online.

I have such high hopes and plans for 2007, and no desire to articulate them, lest that jinx it. I'm often afraid of chancing my luck on one thing or anything, yet I don't consider myself especially superstitious. Although realistically, I am in a few ways: throwing salt over my shoulder when it's spilled, touching wood when I say certain things... actually, those are probably the main two. I don't fear black cats (I sort of own one; she's more of a dark chocolate brown), I don't fear ladders, and I don't think 13 or 9/11 are cursed numbers or dates.

Anyhow, I'm also afraid of hurting people, which is why my life can be so segmented.

I'm befriending some really fantastic people at work (and outside of it); at work there are some great ladies who make me laugh, and make me glad sometimes that I am who I am -- smart, curious, open-minded, and interested in learning. Maybe the paths haven't always been easy to find or follow, but I've tried, and I've had some degree of success.

I think sometimes I miss my previous job because it had me running around the building more than my current one. Sitting at a desk all day doesn't seem to help my creative processes, such as they are, very much. Maybe it's time to follow the schedule R was laying out -- x number of pages per day. Also, more random brain dumps to unlock things.

I'm planning on a schedule of sorts come January -- school, gym, work... maybe fun writing will fit in, too. I'm sure I can schedule in some socializing and/or dating time.

This weekend is the annual Christmas dinner for my zone friends and me. I almost want to host a party for my other friends, but we'll see. I'm sure there will be other festivities.

Dear lord, this is a dull update. :) I wish I had some kind of exciting sex stories to share, or something of that sort -- since I know that's the only reason you all visit ;) -- but the stories I have in mind are going up on The WB soon. I can't post too often, otherwise I'll have huge gaps in there again. I'm also hoping to clean up some of the hosting issues that are going on with that site, so I can migrate it all to a server I have complete control over and fix up the archives and display. Stuff like that gets a lot easier when you know more than about four lines of HTML, which was what I was previously limited to.

I'm trying to decide what I want to wear to the dinner this weekend. It's either going to be an all-black outfit, or the maroon velvet jacket and skirt N lent me. If I go with all black, then I have to choose either between the tuxedo top or the corset top; if the maroon outfit, then I'll probably wear the black silk halter top I have. Anyone have any thoughts, based solely on the descriptions? :)

I also haven't forgotten about the art presents I'm supposed to be distributing. Now that the school pressure is slightly off (although I'll be doing some work over Christmas), I'll be able to get to work on those. I'm also hoping to clear up the backlog of presents I have, including wedding gifts and so on. It might help clear some space in my apartment -- for new projects, probably. I suck. :)


Thanks to Sarah for letting me know that my comments were screwed up. That's what I get for using an out-of-date system, I guess (damn you Yaccs, for not supporting your product!). Time to try out the Blogger comment system again, this time without requiring my approval to post them. :)


Well, I turned in the last of my school papers today. This paper was frustrating, like the thesis proposal, because neither flowed. I never really trust something I've written if I had to struggle for it, even if they do seem to turn out okay in the end.

It seems as though some of this masters stuff is confusing people, and I guess it's partly because not everyone has to follow the same process, so I'll spell things out.

Because I did an honours BA in the same field I'm currently doing my masters in, I only had to do four courses before I could begin my thesis. I just handed in my last exam for my last course. Beginning in January, I will be working on my thesis.

I have, however, had to write a thesis proposal, which I did, and turned in December 1st of this year. On Wednesday I get to appear before the graduate committee and have them tell me things that suck about my thesis proposal; this is my thesis proposal defence.

I have not yet begun any work on my thesis. In January I will be starting the literature review -- the exciting reading of all the theory that will support and challenge that which I am writing. Contrary to what some people have stated or believe, despite the fact that the case study for my assertions is Buffy, my thesis does not and will not consist of me sitting around watching the show. There may be days where I will have to watch episodes, either to analyse them or to find particular portrayals or character traits, and I may be looking for company when I do that, but that will definitely not be how I get to spend the bulk of next year.

I was telling someone today that, if things progress as they're supposed to (i.e., I don't take the extra time I'm permitted to finish my thesis), I could have my masters as early as the end of the summer. That's both terrifying and awesome.

Anyhow, after I submit my thesis, I will then have to undergo a thesis defence. This portion is before the graduate committee again, and is actually open to the public. I know of a few people who have said they'd like to attend; if you're one of them, let me know and I will make details available. That's quite some time from now, though.

I enjoyed indulging in a few of my vices tonight. I'm going to go enjoy another before I pass out. :)

But one final note goes out to Big A -- congratulations on your engagement, my friend. I'm very happy for you and wish you both all the best. :)


Updated Whore's Boudoir. Not my best work, but...
And just because I forgot to mention it last night, when I was shopping for some remaining Christmas gifts yesterday (out in the east end, oh joy!), I was asked by a young girl for helping getting something down off of a shelf.

Hah, I'm not that short!

I've also moved to Blogger Beta, which wanted to be linked to my gmail account (so annoying how many things are doing that now). In the process, I discovered some old comments that hadn't been moderated/posted -- I apologize to those of you who were using the Blogger comment system whose comments never made it up. There was a warning about identity theft, but I won't bother going into it because I don't want anyone to take it as a challenge. Suffice it to say that yes, I have left rather decent footprints on the internets, and yes, my habit of using similar user names makes it easy enough to follow me from one place to another (hell, it's in the URL for this blog), but I still take basic precautions.

Anyhow, back to the paper. :P
Just a quick note before bed (out of all the thoughts I've been having lately that have not made it into post form):

I was playing Trivial Pursuit 90s today with R, N and OFK. I was seated facing OFK. There was a question about some president calling Tipper Gore the second lady of vice (Tipper Gore being the answer -- remember this if it ever comes up!). OFK said he wondered who the first lady of vice was. I gave him a big wink, cracked us both up.

I like when I'm funny -- it's only ever off-the-cuff stuff, but it makes me laugh.

We seemed to keep getting similar questions coming up, or questions that had the same answer over and over again. One highlight was Jaguar, from the Atari gaming system. The others I don't exactly recall.

Anyhow, time for bed -- as usual, running off of a sleep deficit. And hey, I have a paper to write tomorrow that's due Monday. Fortunately there's also a baby party/open house I want to attend tomorrow, so you'd better believe the pressure will be on.

I spent time watching "Date Movie" today, because it was 'free' through my Rogers on Demand. Horrible, horrible movie. Not even worth it for the Alyson Hannigan. Poke your eyes out first.


I have had so many conversations the last while where I felt all I was doing was shoving my foot further and further down my throat. That is, if people were looking for meaning in what I was saying, it would seem as though that was the case. Fortunately, it doesn’t seem to be so, or the person(s) in question isn’t/aren’t reading my words that way, so that’s good.

I promise, sometimes I’m just honestly stupid.

I got my thesis proposal submitted with a medium of fuss and bother. I was up until 5 a.m. the night before it was due finalizing it, and I can blame Moose and myself for a good part of that. I love when people don’t listen to or don’t respect me saying ‘I’m busy.’ I also love that I’m not often strong-willed enough to say something like that and make it stick. I suck.

Of course, sometimes I play mean and feel as though I’m coming off as a complete and utter bitch. Case in point, the Christmas dinner I took the reins of for my friends and I this year. I ignored the feeble protests about location and chose a restaurant downtown, because it was better than having everyone drive out to the west end, then backwards to the south-east end. Now I did have to change the restaurant, but that was because the original one couldn’t completely accommodate us. No complaints.

The fun part however is asking everyone to contribute to the table d’hote. Yes, having a table d’hote can be frustrating because of all the different taste preferences and so on, but at some point I’m going to have to rein things in again and set forth food options and make people privately bitch and moan about me. :) As it is, I think there are some five or six dishes that have been chosen for the entrees, which isn’t going to work (we’re limited to four). I don’t know, whenever stuff like this gets planned, I usually try to keep my mouth shut on anything unless I have a conflict or a really strong preference. Since I’m planning it, for example, I’ve chosen gnocchi as one of the entrees. Hah! If I weren’t planning it, I’d probably be saying, “I like gnocchi, but I also like Italian, so I’ll probably be okay with whatever’s there, so long as there’s a non-cream based food or non-seafood option.” Which is possibly stressful in and of itself. *shrug*

Ah well, it’s probably the least stressful thing in my life right now, so I’m not overly complaining. Much. :)

I do still have a paper hanging over my head, but I’m likely going to be using this weekend to write it, since I don’t seem to be doing much work on it so far this week. Tonight is a new episode of Gilmore Girls that might finally deal in some way with the Luke-Lorelei storyline more than just a brief scene here and there, and I have a movie I rented this weekend that I still haven’t watched yet.

I did rent “Love me if you dare” (Jeux d’enfants), which wasn’t a bad film until the ending, which pissed me off because it had one of those grand romantic bullshit gestures that if it were to take place in real life would make me want to go beat the crap out of my friends/relatives/whomever for being so ridiculously stupid. Then again, maybe I just haven’t been in love so strongly that I would… no, I’m not going to ruin it, and I’m never going to be that asinine.

I didn’t sleep very well on Sunday at all for no discernible reason. Maybe I was too warm, but that didn’t seem to be the only contributing factor. I made it through the day and thought I was doing okay, but I went to bed early and overslept this morning (9.5 hours in all!), so obviously I was in need.

It’s funny how sometimes when I try to talk about my friends to other people who don’t know them, they question how person x or person y can actually be my friend. Or they say they aren’t really friends of mine, and in some cases, I have to agree. For example, I know someone who is in a relationship with someone who is married. The people know one another, this is an open issue and is not in questionable circumstances, and I respect that and do not cast judgement. I only know the ‘outsider’ to the couple (i.e., the one who is not married), but have seen photos of them together. The other half of the married couple is also dating outside of their marriage – again, with the full knowledge and consent of the espoused.

This is not the first open arrangement to which I have been exposed, and I recognize that while I do not think it could work for me, it does for many people, and as such, I do not judge. Even if I did judge, I recognize that it has absolutely no bearing on my life, so who cares if I approve or not?

That said, there are circumstances in which the outsider I know feels that s/he may be getting too emotionally involved with the married person, and that s/he doesn’t feel there is a future to this entanglement, and it is not the ideal situation for her/him, so that can be problematic. However, again, not my life, not my relationships, not my problem.

The frustrating thing about this outsider is that s/he is judging me and my carryings-on. S/he feels that because I have no problems meeting people for a casual coffee (which is now immeasurably linked in my head to a euphemism, thanks to a coworker of mine) while I might be dating someone, that I am looking for something more. S/he has said that s/he thinks I am jumping from boy to boy; never mind that s/he doesn’t know the boys I date (minus one), and that s/he doesn’t know the circumstances under which I either a) start dating a given boy, or b) break up with a given boy, beyond what I might happen to share. And even at that, I don’t usually share the full story with her/him, because I know how talk spreads.

In one scenario I can think of, I was commuting home with this outsider and a few colleagues. I was talking very generally about relationships and meeting boys, and the outsider pointed out that I was seeing someone (fortunately for me, because I’d almost forgotten and all). I said that I was aware of that, and that I hadn’t spoken to that person in nearly two weeks. Outsider semi-pointedly asked me if my phone was broken, to which I replied that no, it wasn’t, and that I had called and left a message a few days prior, and that the boy also had contact numbers for me, could call me at any time, etc. While I accept my share of the responsibility in a relationship, I’m not the only one in said relationship, and as such, should not and will not bear the blame for situations such as those.

Fortunately my colleague supported me both there and the following day (when the outsider wasn’t present), and the outsider later semi-apologized for being a bit harsh in her/his comments.

Regardless, no one but me knows the dating history I have experienced. Even friends or relatives who have known me while I’ve been dating various boys or have been friends with various boys or even just liked them, don’t know how things are between that boy and I, except for me and that boy (oh, how I murdered that sentence). Even the boy may not realize how he was treating me while we were dating – do you think UBFM feels that he was abusive towards me? Do you think Boys X and Y feel they were passive-aggressive towards me? Do you think the Boy X feels that he was immature and unreasonable? Do you think the coworker feels he has a victim complex, and used me and my (admittedly not-pure) actions to feed into that?

Do you think anyone knows of these issues if I don’t talk about them?

Because realistically, there’s a lot I don’t put on this site for a multitude of reasons. There’s a lot I don’t tell my friends or family about boys I’m dating. So no, I don’t think that it’s fair of outsider to cast judgement on me and my actions, and I do my best to either stop her/him from telling them to me, or explain what’s going on.

Such as (and this ties into a conversation I had with Moose this weekend), if you are seeing someone, and there has not been an “I want to be exclusive/yes, me too” conversation, then you are not inherently tied to that sole person. I personally feel that when you are being physical to whatever extent together – if clothes are starting to come off, especially on a regular basis – there is a line that starts being drawn, but even that isn’t entirely fixed in stone.

Before I started seeing the Smooshy, I was seeing three different boys. One had hugged me, the others and I had had make-out sessions. One of those was talking dirty to me and trying to get me to grab his dick (on our first date), and the other was trying to get me to sleep with him on our third date. I passed on both opportunities. The Smooshy and I hit it off immediately, and I called the other boys and said I couldn’t see them anymore. Problems solved. He was in similar circumstances, though I don’t know how physical he had gotten with any of them, and he did the same thing. Because I hadn’t had any “We’re exclusive? Yes we are!” conversations with the other boys, I didn’t feel guilty in the least about dating them at the same time. If something had progressed with one of those three, I’d have called off the others.

But that doesn’t mean that when I’m dating and haven’t had an exclusive conversation with someone that I’m automatically seeing other people, either. There are times that I don’t have the energy or wherewithal to go out looking for other boys, or I haven’t met any, or I simply like the one I’m seeing and don’t want to go out looking. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t stop chatting with people, or possibly meeting them for coffee or whatnot. It simply means that I let them know upfront there isn’t going to be anything romantic progressing from said meeting. Outsider was saying that s/he has enough friends, so doesn’t go looking for more in circumstances such as the ones I’m describing. I simply said that I’d been speaking to two boys for awhile, enjoyed chatting with them and had nothing against meeting face-to-face. While outsider may feel that s/he has plenty of friends and doesn’t need to cultivate more, and I have my moments of feeling the same way, I like meeting new people, and I find that it helps me overcome much of my shyness.

Plus, it helps me practice my skills at talking non-stop or damn near for an hour at a time.

So yes, colleagues of mine have enjoyed pointing out that outsider has no right to judge me (I agree), and that s/he is no friend of mine and so on. I have another colleague I’ve spoken to about his/her romantic tribulations, and I have expressed advice and opinions (at his/her request), and have my thoughts on the matter, but it’s not my life, I only know that which s/he shares, and the circumstances are not necessarily as I picture them. It’s a shame more people can’t do the same. Mind you, I’m used to being judged; I’ve lived with it my whole life.

It would be nice though, if I could stop getting flat pop out of the vending machine downstairs. This makes two in a row, and I’m unhappy about it.

How’ve you been?