Eesh. I'm retarded, and I'm going to get hurt, and I know this, and yet, part of me can't really bring myself to care.

Am I infatuated with the idea, or the reality? Who knows? Urgh. If only...

And yet, other parts of my brain keep sparking and throwing new things at me, and then I feel slightly tingly and confused and more stupid and more confused and it's all weird and so on.

I want it to be later, when my trip is happening. I want there to be richness and money and happy and good...

I need to do a proper update, I know. Later, though. For now, I am feeling the slightly giddy and fully retarded.