Dear Head,

Why are you so fucked up?

Love, me

Why is it that I can say, "I love you," to those who I don't mean it, and when I think I might actually mean it, I can't say it?


Follow my head:

Jen: Thanks. I don't know why this is bothering me so much.
Shawn: A combination of guilt, longing, and loneliness? =/
Jen: But that's just it... I'm not even sure how lonely I actually am right now. I mean, I'm at the point where I don't even care about dating and so on. sure, I'm talking to people, but if it never goes beyond MSN conversations, I'm kinda okay with that.
Shawn: Yeah? Hrm. But it's usually hard with exes, because of how much emotional crap is stored up within us when it comes to them. It's hard to just LOOK at an ex without certain things bubbling to the surface - for me, anyhow.
Jen: See, and yet I think I could look at D and feel nothing at this point.
Shawn: Well, that's probably just a sign about D. =P
Jen: I know I have some weirdness still with E, but I think that's more 'cause I want to fix him. Maybe that's my problem... I want to fix the hurt ones, and so I wind up still attached somewhat.
Shawn: Exactly! It's almost a control thing with me; I THINK that I can make everything all better.
Jen: And yet, D was the one of the three of them that I said "I love you" to. Maybe in some weird way I just felt like it was easier to say it to D 'cause I didn't really feel it.
Shawn: Love is kind of fucked up that way. =P
Shawn: But it makes sense; you've always been very protective of yourself.
Jen: Masrgh.

No comments: