Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy.

I like airline humour:

Economy-Class Wednesday One-Liners

AirTran flight attendant over intercom: We hope you ladies and gentlemen had a nice flight, and we ask that you all press your faces against the windows so Delta can see what a full flight looks like.

--LaGuardia

Airline employee over loudspeaker: Last call for John Smith* to board flight 1234.
Airline loudspeaker, 10 minutes later: Seriously, last call for John Smith* for flight 1234.
Airline Loudspeaker, 10 more minutes later: Okay, John Smith, you know we love you, but the plane has to take off now!

--JFK Airport

Overheard by: Kim

Flight attendant: The captain has advised us that our flying time will be quick, at an altitude of high and a speed of fast.

--JFK airport

Flight attendant: We do encounter bumps between the runway and the gate -- that's not my fault. It's not even the captain's fault. It's the asphalt.

--JFK airport

Flight Attendant: Thank you for flying US Airways, and have a happy... happy... what the hell holiday is this? Columbus? Psssh, that ain't no holiday. Have a good week!

--LaGuardia Airport

American Airline pilot: Ok guys, we're just waiting on some United dude to clear our tail so we can push.

--La Guardia Airport - about to take off

Overheard by: So K

Pilot flying into LaGuardia: If you look out the right side of the plane, you can see the beautiful, famous downtown skyline of Manhattan. [Pause.] And if you look out the left side... [pause, sighing] New Jersey.

--LaGuardia

Overheard by: mj kiran

via Overheard in New York, Nov 15, 2006