The Scorecard

Okay... some thinking as I type. This should be interesting. I'm divvying up the post by guys in my life, which is a pretty pathetic way to look at my life, but there you have it.

Had a very interesting (word of the moment) conversation with the ex- last night. Basically saying that he still wants me, still thinks about a relationship with me (talk about a turnaround from last time!), thinks of sleeping with me more than he thinks of sleeping with his current girlfriend, etc., etc. I kept the conversation, but I'm not going to post it here, since I don't feel right about that. Prolly bad enough I'm talking about it, but what the heck. He said he had a lot of thinking to do about his relationship.... since they hooked up on St. Valentine's Day, I was saying something about the romance of the day... he said it wasn't romantic, just a day. I said next year, when they celebrate their one-year anniversary, it would be, and he said he didn't think (didn't know?) if they'd be lasting that long. I said she'd be hurt to hear him say that, and he said probably. So, there was a bit of talk about his devotion (or lack thereof) to the relationship. We also talked a bit about cheating and he said he didn't think he'd feel bad if he and I hooked up when he was here (probably going to be in town on the weekend), and I said I wasn't going to be a part of that, 'cause I don't want him resenting me. Some other things happened during the conversation and he said he wasn't upset with me, didn't really feel anything... and that's almost how I feel about it. I was quizzing him about how far the two of them have gone and whatnot, and I just felt kinda numb. A bit upset, but really just kinda numb. I'm going to see him when he's in town this weekend, and just see how I feel -- I haven't seen him since Christmas, so it'll be interesting to see how I feel when I do see him.

Next guy... pizza guy. Willing to take me back, in spite of the problems that have occurred (the whole 'seeing someone else at the same time as him' thing). Cares deeply about me... missed me while we weren't talking, spent a week listening to pop music 'cause of where I work and that I (sometimes) listen to it, and was basically miserable while I was gone. It's been a few days since that week was up, and we chatted a bit today. I feel awkward around him now. It's not so much because he cares about me (argh!), but simply because I feel bad about everything... and now I know it was my friend who made some comment to her boyfriend (who happens to be pizza guy's roommate), who quizzed her until she told... and then the roommate told pizza guy. (I learned that one today, although I'd guessed it earlier, since the friend and her roommate were the only ones who knew who could affect things). Pizza guy and I are getting together Thursday to just hang out. I like him fine and all, but... I don't know. The pizza grease and smell kinda get to me, and that's probably unfair. *sigh* I don't know. I just didn't want something serious out of it, and it looks like it kinda got that way. I feel bad.

I'm going to write about the coworker and various other things, but I'm going to do that tomorrow. I'm pretty tired and I have to get up in six hours, so bed is calling (and kitties are snoring around me... it's very cute). Anyhow, basic thought that ran through my head that I wanted to write down before I kept forgetting it: I hate finding out or suspecting that someone likes me, 'cause then I start looking at them much differently (kinda like how I'm looking at the last friend to proposition me :P). Other than that, I made my aunt cry tonight. It's been a good day. :P [sarcasm] Especially the part where I watched even more Tom Green 'cause of the hardon that my prof has for the guy! [/sarcasm]. Yeah, I know those are the wrong tags, but I can use the alligator ones 'cause they won't show up. I'll also explain the frustration later. :)

Anyhow, shout out to my homie in the UK/South Africa... okay, so I'm way too mainstream to use the expression shout out, but I'm trying to get people to laugh. :) Night.