I had another dream about Chloe the other night. I know, I know, all this poor pathetic me crap. It was a really vivid dream, though. In it, she'd come home, and my parents wanted to surprise me, so I was just someplace in my house (don't remember where), and she showed up. I started crying, and I think my dad went to try to stop me from crying or something, and my mom stopped him, said I needed it. She was nuzzling my face and she looked good and healthy and everything, and I was really happy.

I think I'm all written out after the last couple of posts. Picked out a new cologne for J on Saturday. I had to go through Sears to get my dad's birthday present, which was this thing I saw on tv to remove busted out screws; apparently he was thinking of getting it for himself, which is always the mark of a good present. :) We wandered through the cologne section on our way to finding escalators (which apparently hide when you're in this particular Sears), and I was trying to find Polo Ralph Lauren. The pizza guy said it was what he wore, and I really liked the smell of it, but I wanted to see for myself if it was actually the one he wore. It wasn't there, but J and I found this nice one, Pi by Givenchy, and we decided to pick up a bottle. I say we, I meant he... :) He asked me point-blank if I liked the cologne he wore, and I had to be honest and say no, not really. I felt bad saying it, especially since colognes and perfumes are such a personal thing, but I wasn't going to lie, not on a direct question like that.

What else? Went by Ben's for a drop in at a LAN party that he was hosting, and it would seem that his girlfriend has spirited him away out of town for something. People were *not* particularly impressed. We showed up around quarter to nine or so (after my work shift and our shopping), and stayed until about twenty to eleven... Ben's brother said he'd disappeared around 4 or so. J and I ended up sitting outside on the deck with rotating people. Originally I'd gone out to say goodbye to Ben's brother and the one or two people out there, then got sucked into a conversation that flowed rather nicely. One person there that I hadn't spoken much to before, but I was impressed with the things he had to say during the conversation. Still not sure where I stand on A, find he has to talk too much, be the centre of attention. He got dumped recently by his gf, which sucks, but I don't know. I think there was some melodrama involved there.

Speaking of breakups... found out from the pizza guy that H and R broke up. That was a bit of a surprise and a bit of not. He says things have been iffy for awhile, and he could see it coming. Curious if there's going to be more girl time now or not. :P Wouldn't she be surprised to find out that I got over the Achilles' heel and found myself someone good. :) (Someone that three of my girlfriends so far have described as a hottie). ;)

Ever notice that in a relationship, it seems that there will always be one person who's more into it than the other? It felt a bit like that with J at first. I was into him, but he was the one saying that he was really falling for me and that he'd fallen for me. Now, it seems to have completely reversed and then some more. There's so much teasing going on that I can't say what I feel almost all the time and it's frustrating sometimes. Mostly I just ignore the teasing, but sometimes it's nice to have the quiet, sweet J around. He was around for a bit the other day, but then he disappeared behind the teasing J again, so I grumble and ignore him some more. :P

And it's not playing games! It's the only way I really know how to cope with this situation. :P

Also got some weird feelings this evening. When I'm in a relationship, while I don't kid myself that every person I date is going to be the one with whom I walk down the aisle, I also don't necessarily like to discuss the 'next' relationship(s) either of us is(are) going to be in as if it's a given thing. Y'know, give things between us right now a chance, and if they're going to go further, great, if not, well then, we'll deal with that when the time comes. I guess it's more because this is the first guy I've dated that I felt was a boyfriend since the ex-, and while I call J my boyfriend to other people, sometimes it seems like I shouldn't be calling him that. Like I'd be introduced as "my friend Jen," not, "my girlfriend Jen." I don't know. Sometimes I think I simply overanalyze, but it's these little things that speak to me. Maybe I will date seventeen other guys before I get married, but right now, I'm with J and when he's not making fun of me, I'm happy with him, so I don't feel the need or the desire to be thinking of other guys. *shrug* Maybe guys, or maybe J isn't like that. Maybe it's no big deal to them(him) to be thinking of me dating other guys after them(him) or them(him) dating other girls. And that's why guys suck. ;)

I guess unless I'm just thinking too seriously or more seriously than J, in which case I guess any early warning is a good thing. Mind you, Jay was checking with me at the beginning to make sure that I wasn't going to be jerking J around... maybe it should've been the other way, too. :P :)

So yeah, I think I'm stopping censoring myself as much. I know J'll be reading this and possibly talking to me about it, and that's fine. I'm going to try to avoid doing all the secrecy and the vague talking, spell things out the way my dear readers are used to reading. After all, not all of 'em know me in person, so they can't very well just ask me what the hell I'm talking about, although it seems that Di has been able to figure them out, or at least relate to them, even if I don't always spell 'em out. ;)

For someone who thought she was all written out, I have a fair bit to ramble about, it seems. :P

Last bits: I envy Jay for his ability to be concise. It doesn't seem that that's a skill I'll be mastering anytime soon.

And finally, no raunchy notes to post 'cause it's been a few days. Stupid conflicting schedules. :P

I'm off to bed. :)

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