It's been a rough few days. Had some good conversations with Jay that really shed some possible light on things. I don't know how to bring them up, so I keep them to myself. It's great policy. :P *sigh* Almost started crying this evening, and I can't even pin it on a particular reason. Well, kinda and not really. It was suggested that perhaps the relationship is being sabotaged (either on purpose or subconsciously) in order to keep other circumstances from changing.

On a totally unrelated sidenote, spammers have got to be the most illiterate lifeforms out there. I just got a spam with the subject header "dripping in gism." That's just so sad.

Anyhow, I'm going back East to visit my extended family tomorrow morning, and I'll be gone for a week. I'm going to see how things are when I'm away and especially when I get back. I'm crazy about J, but... *sigh* I'm whiny, I'm demanding, I'm needy. I can't seem to get past this stuff. I wish I knew what to do to make this an agreeable situation for everyone, but I just can't seem to do that. Partly it would be best if his ex- was more cooperative, and saw that J is doing an awful lot more than he needs to, regardless of how you look at it.

Sometimes when we hang out I feel like more of a friend than a girlfriend, and I can understand that there's stress involved for him, but I don't know why it's stressful now and when we first started dating it wasn't. I don't know what's changed to make it that way. (Got some answers as I was writing, so this question at least has been answered).

While I'm gone I won't be able to do any updates as far as I know, but I'll be writing in my various books while I'm gone and I'll have all kinds of content here when I return. In the meantime, the birthday summary:

Friday was awful for work. Which reminds me, gotta email my hours to my boss, since I like getting paid and all. I had to train someone (long rant there), and then I got a whole bunch of extra work dumped on me at the last minute, so instead of being out at like, 5:30 or 6 as I'd hoped, I got out at 7:30. :P J and I met up with the crew for a big group dinner as opposed to going out just us (which had been the original plan), then all of us (minus one) went over to J's place afterwards to hang out and eat junk food and play on the playstation. Just before anyone showed up, there was a quickie (emphasis on quick, but hey, it's meant as a teaser), and then after everyone left, we slugged around a bit. I decided to pack it in around quarter to one or so, and J followed me in and insisted on making sure I was satisfied, as I hadn't quite been after the first time. Still had fun, but you know how guys are so insistent on making sure you're done... (okay, okay, stop laughing ;)). (Actually, I don't feel that way, I've had some good experiences and some bad ones. Some people have given up too quickly... others just keep trying, and I adore them for it. :)

Then we fell asleep and I got up Saturday for work. Saturday was the day I'd planned my dinner and bar evening for people that I'd invited, and I had a decent-sized crowd. We ate dinner lateish, then headed over to a bar nearby for some boozing. And more boozing. :) First we made a stop at a drugstore to see if they had any tiaras or such, but no go. Ah well. After a quick stop to J's car to fix my girlfriend D's belt, we were off to the bar. We grabbed a table, my friends that had gone to the candy store caught up, we started drinking. I've discovered I like chocolate martinis. :) Girlfriend from work showed up, she bought me a shot, I met D's friend, we were having fun chatting with him, he bought me a drink and a shot, we grabbed his ass and goofed around and danced together, then met up with the boys. Apparently one of the boys kept wanting to join us girls, and was taking a razzing from the rest of the boys who were playing pool. So after we joined them (me with my final drink of the evening), we were just cracking each other up, laughing to kill ourselves, and we kissed a few times for the fun and shock of it. :) Oh yeah! And my friends that disappeared in the candy shop? They were getting me my birthday gift -- some weird extendable tube thing that's hilarious fun, a huge sucker (i.e., can't fit it in my mouth huge), and a pair of handcuffs that I wore as a bracelet all night. :)

The rest of us walked back to my buddy's car, D and I stumbling and supporting each other and killing ourselves laughing the whole time. I blew a kiss at some guy in a car, and he blew one back at me, so that was fun. My buddy drove J and I back to his car, and then we went back to his place. I passed out pretty much immediately (although there was some changing of clothes in there and such that kinda surprised J, namely because I was lying in the exact same position each time he entered the room; first time in my party clothes, second time in my pjs), woke up around 6:30 to take out my contacts, go to the bathroom and brush my teeth, and then find J. Went back to sleep, and felt kinda like crap for awhile afterwards. I really need to remember that stuff the next time I go drinking. :P :)

Anyhow, that's it from me for a week, hope you all enjoy the respite and I'll be back with some great stories (hopefully), although they won't contain sex... until after I see J again. ;)

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