Okay, so I think I've now seen an even more gross commercial than the toilet paper ones. (That's your warning, it's gonna get graphic. Don't read on if you don't want to).

We see a man, from his little daughter's perspective, with a newspaper under his arm (showing the crossword puzzle), heading into the washroom. Then the little girl wanders into the washroom after he's done, holds her shirt up over her mouth and nose, and runs to her mother in the kitchen, who is unpacking groceries. She waves towards the washroom, making a face or pinching her nose or something, and then smiling Mom, whose shit smells like roses, picks up the new-fangled stinky thing that Glade (or whatever company, I don't recall) is now manufacturing and hooks it over the rim of the toilet bowl. Little daughter flushes the toilet and smiles at the beautiful chemical scent and computer-added sparkles that appear.

Now, I have a question. If Dad just took a big smelly crap in the toilet bowl, why doesn't Mom hesitate to stick her face in the bowl to add this new thing? Now, toilet bowls don't bother me much. I'm not big on sticking my face in them, but I don't get overly wimpy about them in general. However, maybe I'm just weak-stomached, but I'm not overly eager to stick my face near a toilet bowl when it seems like someone has just been in there for awhile, especially if the air seems particularly toxic.

And one final last thought. There is a whole mythology that surrounds women and their bodily functions, so that some men are actually revolted at the thought of their girlfriends, wives or significant others doing a 'number two.' There are all kinds of 'manly' terms for the act: taking a dump, taking a crap, etc., etc., and it's real manly and tough and it's something gross, so it's okay to associate it with men. Men are tough and they sometimes have to deal with the gross things in life (killing spiders), and so it's okay for them to have this additional bodily function. However, women are delicate and perfumed and soft and sensitive, so they don't do things that are tough or unfeminine. Men can handle that women pee; it's clean, it's quick, if you write your name in the snow, it's even fun! But heaven forbid that they be human and have this secondary bodily function. Women don't have assholes unless they're ex-boyfriends or the men are into anal sex.

There's my little feminist rant for now. It's not a good one, but I'm still tired.

On totally different notes, survived the day yesterday. I was up at 4:45 for my 6 a.m. until noon shift, which was a blast and a half. I got to bed around 12:30 the night before, and didn't sleep very well, including waking up at 2 in the morning to be ill for a second time from the Taco Bell I'd consumed for dinner. Yay, me. Came back to J's, figured out how the day was going to go (hopefully), then caught a quick nap and started scrambling. I'll spare the details, but suffice it to say that we didn't get to the wedding until about quarter to five, meaning we totally missed the ceremony, which sucked, but got to hang out, chatting with everyone all afternoon. Had some dinner, had some laughs, left around quarter after ten or so, since it was a long drive and there was still a lot of back and forth that I, as the sole driver, had to do (J's car is broken, so we borrowed my mom's car, and no one else that we were chauffering drove stick).

Came back to J's last night around 1, napped for a bit, then got some take out and watched the final bits of Jimmy Neutron before going to bed around 3. I'm still feeling a bit tired, but otherwise okay.

I realized some things about the ex- last night and chatted with his cousin about him for a bit, who confirmed it. It's not just me; she agrees, so it's okay for me to think it's so. I'm not going to go into it too much right now, but basically every time I talk to him it's about what he's doing and who he's interested in, and he doesn't seem too interested in what's going on with me and J, for example. Sometimes I might deflect some of his questions, but it's always him that needs reassuring that he's attractive or whatever, and it's about the conflicts that he's experiencing with his girlfriend or the girls he wants to screw or whatever. He'd told me awhile ago that his mom had asked if the relationship between him and the girlfriend was a sexual one, and he'd said yes. His cousin told me yesterday that apparently he'd also added that they get it only copiously. Mind, he was likely saying that to razz her, as is his way, and we weren't at a point when he'd tell me that part (I don't even know if he'd tell me that part now), but it bothered me just a bit to hear. I'm over him and all of that, but sometimes I guess I just feel kinda sad for what I thought would be and now isn't.

I'm hoping it's just PMS, but I've been feeling sad and such about a bunch of things lately. I think being around people that are further along in life than I is messing up my perceptions about what I need or want out of life compared to where I actually am. As my GP said, I need to slow down and smell the roses. On that subject, I think the coworker was the cause of a lot of my stress at that time; I don't snap at people anymore. :)

Time for me to shower and try to face the day, maybe get a bite to eat. Work should be relaxed today, so I really need to get around to typing up my notes for my class already. Likely won't, but we'll try. :) Maybe I'll chat with Jay about my concerns again, although I did discover that yesterday he has a big mouth, so we'll see. :) I just feel like a lot of things changed and no one warned me they would, so I'm floundering and not sure how I should act or be. I don't want to be playing games, but it feels like I am, and like my shields are going up because I'm confused and not sure what's going on. It almost feels like I'll get the answers I'm looking for by playing the games, because the conversations just don't seem to change anything.

Anyhow, shower time. Stop thinking. :P

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