I don't feel right.

I don't know what's wrong, but I just don't feel right.

Well, maybe that's not entirely true. All I know is, I haven't felt entirely right for awhile.

I don't know whether to be encouraged or depressed about that.

On another note... I bought the fishies some treats today -- whole bloodworms in a gel. They don't seem too enthused about it, although Storm ate some this evening. I think this afternoon they were likely full from the late breakfast they'd just had, and they were stressed from me cleaning their tank. They still seem a little stressed, not as enthusiastic about food as they usually are, but otherwise they're doing well.

I picked up a catnip toy for Digger (there's a certain kind he really likes), and he was very thrilled with it. Even Shadow got to play with it for a bit. It was funny; Digger was out in the porch, and he was getting all high off the catnip, and when Shadow came over to investigate, he was swiping at her. I laughed; Mom made me bring him inside so they were separated. :)

Ah well... got a parking ticket today from the lot next door to work. I was bound to get one eventually, so I don't mind; goodness knows I've gotten away with it enough that paying the $20 ticket is absolutely nothing.

I appear to have started biting my nails again. Well, there's no appear about it; it's happening.

Wound up telling Mom and Dad about the possible plans I'm coming up with for the end of the 2002 year or endish of the school year. Nothing's definite or confirmed, however, so I'm not posting anything about it for awhile.

This afternoon, Mom and Dad called me to ask me to (well, to demand that I) show up at Price Club. They'd purchased a television that wouldn't fit in Dad's car, so they needed Mom's hatchback. Of course, they didn't tell me that, just said for me to get there ASAP, so I had a multitude of questions and theories running through my head, not the least of which was that they'd found Chloe at PetSmart and wanted to surprise me. That just goes to show how long I can hang onto hopes, even if I've accepted that she's not coming back.

Anyhow, I returned home with the television, and they followed me back so they could unload the television (so I wouldn't take it downtown to work with me), and continue their errands. They ended up directly behind me, and Dad kept a few car lengths back so as not to be too close if I had to stop; they certainly wouldn't want to damage the car or their new acquisition.

I'm driving along, being careful with my maneuvres and my speeding, since my parents are immediately behind me. I'm on one of the major roads, doing just slightly above the speed limit (85 maybe, instead of 80), on my way towards home, when I notice a car riding my ass -- seriously tailgating me. I thought at first Dad was being funny, and then I noticed that it wasn't him at all. Well, I know how to deal with tailgaters; I slowed right down. Took my foot off the gas, and just kept slowing down until I was cruising along at 60. Buddy was still kissing my bumper the whole time. Meanwhile, cars are whipping by us on the right hand side, so he can't get out. Finally, he gets around me and lane hops a bit and that's the last I see of him.

When we all met up back at the house, Mom and Dad said that Buddy'd cut them off to get around a minivan on the right hand side, then got stuck between the two of us. Apparently all the cars behind Mom and Dad were pulling out and passing our little caravan, thereby boxing Buddy in. They said they were back there laughing their heads off, especially seeing how frustrated this guy was getting. I was checking my rearview mirror, and he didn't seem to be cursing me, but I guess he was getting pretty antsy. Anyhow, they praised me, saying I did exactly the right thing, and I guess I provided them with some entertainment for what would have otherwise been a pretty dull drive.

The other night, I went over to Ben's place for some tv watching and just general hanging out. We watched Sex and the City and Josie and the Pussycats (She's All That, our original choice for teen flicks, was rented -- although both movies have the same female lead), and it gave me my idea for what I'd like to dress up as for Hallowe'en. Along with his brother, we had quite the interesting conversation on horror flicks, and as always, I had fun. Got to see his other brother drunk later that evening, and he was being slightly belligerent, but he was drunk and it was about 4 in the morning at that point; I'm sure (and I think Ben confirmed it for me later), that I was also not exactly a sweet and cheerful person. ;) It didn't help that I was still feeling the cold, I was quite tired, and I didn't have any cold medication with me because I'd left my backpack at home. :P

My point to that segue was about stupid drivers -- the guy who was passing so that he was driving towards me, and I felt he was cutting things a tad too close, although I don't think I was in serious danger of an accident, but I did brake anyhow -- and there was some other dillhole whose antics I can't remember now.

But what that does lead me to is another thing that pisses me off , which I dealt with on the drive to work today, and that's people that don't signal their turns and/or lane changes. I think it's especially unforgiveable on a four-lane highway with everyone cruising at speeds no less than 100 km/h (well, except for the one guy I got stuck behind just before my exit, who was doing 80 (!!!)), but it annoys me just as much driving around suburbia. It's awful when you're a pedestrian, because even if you have the right of way, drivers will get all upset when you happen to be where they want to turn, but they didn't do you the courtesy of having on their turn signal so that you can be aware that they were going to run you down. I don't care if you're in a turning lane, have your damn signal on -- I've seen plenty of people drive straight through an intersection from a turning lane, and I've seen people turning with the wrong blinker on. Admittedly, that's less helpful, but at least Buddy had the principle of the thing that time. Even if he was a moron.

I still love the song, "All I want is you," by U2. It's my favourite song of theirs, I think, and likely my favourite slow song. I can't really think of any others right now.

I like slow dancing in private. A great slow song comes on the stereo or the radio, I like approaching my boyfriend and slow-dancing with him.

Admittedly, I've only done that with one boyfriend, but the principle is still there. I think it's romantic, without being over-the-top mushy, and it's private and between the two of you.

The lyrics to "Caress me down," by Sublime, are also speaking to me now, but in a totally different way. ;)

I want to take stock of my life and figure out what I want. Okay, rephrase that. I know what I want, I just can't do anything about it right now. I'm stuck in this city for seven months at the least. Depending on where life takes me between now and then, I may be here longer than that, I may not.

Of course, I don't really have the money to go elsewhere, but it's a nice pipe dream.

I'd like a grand gesture or two. I think it would be really romantic to receive flowers at work.

Sometimes I feel like the people I talk to either don't get how I'm feeling, or just are trying to pretend they don't know. Okay, so I'm thinking of one person in particular right now, but I'm sparing names. I don't want to start a fight, I just want to acknowledge what I'm feeling.

I need to buy new jeans. These ones are getting really almost unfit for public wearing. It's too bad I can't fit into the other ones anymore, at least I don't think I could. The store where I buy these has changed all their styles, and marked up their prices, too, so I have to go there some day when I'm actually in the mood to shop. I can't just show up and buy the style I liked, since they've all changed. That annoys me, and I can't seem to get jeans I like anywhere else, which also annoys me.

However, it's hard to be seriously annoyed when you have a cat snuggling you and giving you gentle licks, as mine just did. As I also have to get up early tomorrow, I'm off to bed.

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