Well, tonight's evening of slugging and pampering went okay. I exercised a bit on the bike (only about 15 half-hearted minutes), did some brain exercises with some logic problems, and before that, bathed and shaved and facialed and relaxed a bit. Going back earlier than that, watched the last half of the first season of Sex and the City, and ate popcorn and drank a Coke, thereby negating my healthy dinner and lunch of the last two days, salad and trail mix.

Yay for rabbit food.

My appetite seems to be diminishing -- I'm down to about two meals a day plus the odd snack here and there, and I'm not sure if it's because of an effort on my part or just a peak or valley in the ol' cycle. I'm not losing any weight from it, and I'm not feeling ill because of it, so I guess it's not a major concern... but it's not deliberate and I do still eat, so don't worry about me. No anorexia here; I like food too much.

I think later in the month, when I have the university day, I'm going to run away for the weekend and not tell anyone where I've gone. If I work Thursday instead of Friday, I'm sure my boss won't have a big problem with me going, and that'll give me a full two, two and a half days to run away. Officially, I can't really afford the time off (I got my paycheque from when I was on vacation -- losing about 62 hours makes a difference), but that's not for awhile yet. It's only a day or two that I'd be losing, pay-wise, so maybe the whole thing would balance out. I wonder if I'd take someone with me, someone from here.

I've started thinking already about the work Christmas party, and that's just nuts. I don't know why I am; it's way too far away. In the meantime, I have birthdays and things to attend to, and hell, even Hallowe'en (note the correct spelling, thank you very much. :) I want to set goals for myself, but I don't know how realistic they would be -- things like, have a date for the Christmas party, preferably someone I'm dating over a friend. However, if a friend is in town and wants to accompany me, then by all means.

I want someone to show up at my work to pick me up one night, and present me with flowers. Or even send flowers to me at work. I want romance and companionship and TLC and hugs and cuddles and kisses and someone who thinks about me when they're not with me, and misses me when we're apart. I want someone who'll look after me when I'm sick and let me look after them when they're sick.

I want what a lot of my friends have already found, and I want to lose this damn ... depression, for lack of a better word ... that I've been in for the last month.

I want back what I had.

I think about it -- what if things did go back? But I don't know that it could be what it was. I worry that I'd be guarded and uncertain, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

*sigh* Who'm I kidding? I'd take it back, warts and all. That's part of any relationship, or at least the ones I've had -- maybe that says something about my relationships, I don't know.

Argh, argh, argh, argh, argh.

I'm going through the angry/bargaining phase lately. What are the stages of grief? Denial, grief, anger, bargaining, acceptance? I think that's the order in which they go. Well, two stages fully completed (although the first never really happened -- hah, denial!) within a month... three more to go in maybe about that same amount of time?

But do we ever really get over the people we love? I mean, I still have some feelings for the ex-, although a lot of the time it seems to be impatience. :P

I realized today that my company and me and everything that I bring to a relationship is not preferable to a television and working out. That's really kinda depressing.

Anyhow, the positives of the day are the email and the kind words that I mentioned earlier in the day. I just wasn't feeling productive at all today, which is why I haven't replied just yet.

Also, my ear seems to have just needed that little bit of care and attention -- the yuck doesn't seem to have come back and it doesn't hurt, so I think it'll heal up okay.

Bit off a few of my nails (two), so that's not a good sign (but they're all weak and flaky from the dremmeling they got when I had the acrylics done, so I blame that), and got kinda depressed/discouraged when I was doing the news demo today -- those are bunch sucks for the day. Class, however, was interesting, and I got to chat with someone that subs in once in awhile at work and recognized me (and it's not the first time he's done so), so that was cool. I was also told today by someone that I was "definitely going to be a journalist," which is funny, 'cause I don't know if I see myself going that way, but who knows?

As well, Jay told me that I was funny and should write an advice column or something. I find that amusing; usually it's people that have their shit together or at least pretend to that you'd want giving advice, not mopey ol' me. :)

And finally, I get to revel in the glory that is a freshly shorn body. I forgot how nice new razors can feel.

On that note, I'm off to bed. Maybe tomorrow will be a more productive day.

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