Big A, you need help. ;)

It's funny; every since I started writing all the time, I think about things I can write a lot. This is nice... although it can suck when I have a great idea, or think I do, and then I lose it when I go to write it down, or feel less inspired. Ah well. :)

I'm worried about my fish; they're on my bookcase directly beneath the window, and there's a huge breeze, even though the window's shut. Very cold. I think I'll move them to next to my computer; there's room on the desk, and this makes it much easier to feed them. And gives me lots of room on top of the bookcase to stack more stuff.

That's all that my room is at the moment; a collection of stacked stuff. Urgh. Gotta clean it before I go to NY, otherwise my mom'll have a huge cow. Huge cow, you don't understand.

I can't believe that Monday is the last day of classes. Wow, has that time flown past. It's funny to think that what, about four months ago? Just about, I was getting back from vacation and getting my ass dumped. Now, well, now things are different. I've gotten to know some people better (like Ben, even though it feels like I've been close to Ben for ages and ages, it's really only been for a couple of months), and Markolopolous, and the second Mark, and ... well, things are pretty good.

I went through a weird mood last night talking to Ben on the phone for a bit. I'd called him at a mutual friend's place to discuss some stuff with him about a funeral coming up (that isn't actually happening), and we went through a few other topics, as Ben and I are wont to do. See, we're taking my friend out tonight to try to ... well, just show him people care, not so much try to cheer him up, and UBFM is going to more than likely be there, as his presence was "specifically requested." So, I was telling Ben that I can likely handle this (or at least that was my mental reasoning) because I like who I am now, and I do. Ben was saying he could tell that lately, and he was glad.

I'm better at accepting myself, I think. My likes, my dislikes... the coworker used to tell me I was difficult and particular and blah blah blah. The thing he failed to realize/mention/acknowledge was that he's the same bloody way! I know some people who are really easy to get along with -- Ben, Markolopolous, Big A, Vicki, among others -- and then there are people that you really have to get to know, and that's fun, too. Hopefully, I'm somewhere in between, although some friends have said I'm part of the first, which is nice. I said it once at the security desk, assuming it would get back to J (the security guard), and I still say it; those people got to know one side of me, and that's just it. They didn't get to know me outside of the work-Jen, or I'm-in-a-bad-relationship-Jen (like when I was dating coworker), so... sucks to their asmar.

I coined a new term while in conversation with Markolopolous last night; a "beer-in-hand" discussion. That works for anything serious or semi-serious: relationships, sex, whatever strikes your fancy. Something that you could see yourself talking about at a bar with a friend, or a pub -- someplace quiet, where you can hear one another easily without shouting. In that case, it was relationships we were talking about. It struck me as funny; he said he didn't know about my past, and when I told him it was an open book, the one question he asked was, "What were your past relationships like, as a whole?" It's not so much funny ha-ha, but funny "hmm." Maybe I have a problem, maybe it's celibacy, I don't know, but usually I think of that question in regards to sexual past. I think I just have a problem. :)

Anytime I'm asked, I flippantly sum up my past as so: generally the blonds treated me like shit and the brunets broke my heart. I guess you could say that by breaking my heart, the brunets also treated me like shit, but I disagree. Just 'cause someone breaks up with you doesn't mean that they treated you like shit, it just means they hurt you, and, "Life is pain, princess. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

I want to write more about relationships and other thoughts, but I'm getting cold and I have to get ready to go to my second-last class. Soon, I will be able to remove my Fall schedule from this website! Yay! :)

Oh yes, the other beer-in-hand conversation I had last night? Discussing size and accomodations and such. That one was a sexual conversation, but an interesting one, as they usually are. :) I think I'll read the Story of O on the bus today. Right after I finish off Where the Girls Are, a book about the representation of women in the mass media through the 40s onwards. It's an excellent book, written with a great sense of humour, I highly recommend it. :)

Anyhow, most people are ass, but I've found some of the best ones and, for some reason or another, they're my friends, and I thank them for it. That's what I'm thankful for, even though my Thanksgiving has long since passed; the fabulous people I know and have befriended, whether it's through school, work, or other friends. You guys rule. :)

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