Oh yes, and final thought: Yesterday marked 3 months. Wa-hoo. Needless to say, I didn't exactly celebrate. ;)

Nonetheless, I'm doing well. I'm not rushing out to do anything about it, although I've been tempted at times. I've waited until I was ready, both emotionally and physically. The emotional was the part I was really waiting on; the physical wasn't that big of a deal. :)

Life is funny. It's funny how people can change from being near-strangers to being important to you, or vice versa. I know this is a thought that I've expressed many times before, but it just keeps getting reinforced, especially lately, it seems. The ex- and I, once great loves, barely speak anymore. Someone I wasn't sure I liked in real life (and am still on the fence about), talks to me every time I log onto ICQ, and sometimes I chat back to him. Not what you'd call an enemy, exactly, but whatever.

I think the closest I have to an enemy right now would be the UBFM (The Ex-), and it just struck me, I wonder if he thinks he's being "the bigger person" by emailing me on my birthday, even when I don't email him on his (which is two weeks' before mine), or reply to his emails. Hrm.

Feeling introspective/contemplative today. Thinking things over, and not necessarily in a bad way. Not really sure of any conclusions being drawn, I don't think there are any to draw, but it's still tumbling around in my head.

My poor fish. I so need to clean out their tank. That's tomorrow, for sure. Urgh.

Three papers this week. Fuck. I'm going to die this week, I just know it. So fucked. So seriously, seriously, bent over, screwed, fucked, nailed, and money shotted, and all I can do is chain myself to my desk, go to the classes I absolutely can't miss, and hang on tight. Keep writing, keep writing, keep writing.

I'm churning out papers just to get them done, not necessarily worrying about their quality; frankly, it's been rare in my school career that I've written a paper I've gone, "Damn, this is a really good paper." Usually, it's "I hope this is okay" and then I get a good mark back and I'm all pleased and surprised. Other times, it's "This is crap," and then I get a bad mark on it and I'm not surprised. Once in awhile, I've written something I thought was decent and gotten tanked on it, but that doesn't happen too often, thankfully.

One day maybe I'll go back and read my first year papers, see how I've (hopefully) improved in that time. :)

I like the driving rhythm behind "Lose yourself," the Eminem song off 8 Mile. Combined with the lyrics, it really drives home some of the urgency the character seems to be feeling (well, I haven't seen the movie, so I can't say for sure), and it seems to be leading to something. I don't know, I guess I kinda compare it with writing, and it works in my head, I just can't articulate it on the screen right now, partly because my thinking brain is following the lyrics instead of the writing I'm doing right now. :)

Anyhow, it's time to be off to work. I just wanted to put some nonsense up for all of my lovely readers. :) I think after I clock over 5000 hits, I'll post some pictures of myself up. I'm at the point now where I kinda don't care if the coworker or the ex- find this page; what are they going to do now, anyhow? My life is more or less an open book at this point, and it's through openness that I'm hoping to avoid hurting anyone.

The question is... can I really keep my emotions out of this the way I think I can? I'm afraid, especially considering my reaction to comments now and then. Fuck. I hate emotions and their complications.