Well, yesterday was fun. VISA knows I'm totally its bitch, because it has me under its control.

What, you say? I went shopping at my preferred lingerie store yesterday and spent more money than I should've. Santa was very nice to this good... naughty.... good little girl. ;)

Otherwise, just hanging out with the friends. Watched Back to the Future II, and I have now vowed to never watch a movie that I actually enjoy with this group, 'cause it gets trashed all to hell and back. On the other hand, it gives me free license to roundly mock every single damn minute of LotR or Road Trip, should they follow through on their threats and pin me down and tie me up (heh heh) and prop my eyes open and force me to watch it, a la Clockwork Orange. I heard threats of them playing Cake in the background, which would just be horribly cruel -- I love Cake, and would prefer not to be soured on the music... or forever associate it with Tom Green and his desire to feed a poor mouse to a big snake.

Late last night/early this morning (to me, it's not morning until you've had some sleep between it and the evening), the four of us wound up in a conversation about the past year -- failures, regrets, accomplishments that we each felt we'd had. On that note, I bring you a slightly speculative post on what I feel was my accomplishments and failures of 2002.

I tend to divide my life into three areas -- work, school, personal life. In that manner, I have a few accomplishments that stand out in my mind.

In terms of work, I'd say an accomplishment was getting a raise (even if it only applies to one day a week), and not quitting when the going got tough. It was very tempting at times, but overall, it was good. In addition, I'd say that befriending Char and Vicki was also a great accomplishment on my part. I have had more fantastic conversations than I can count, Saturdays and Sundays are so much more fun now, and I especially love Char's outlook on the world. She makes me laugh so hard, and I always have fun talking to her.

For school, it's been a pretty decent semester as far as marks go. I did slack off after the first round of assignments, but I think I'll make it through okay. I have to say though, the huge thing for me, although it's not a fait accompli until I get the final marks (January 2nd they start filtering in again), will be passing Theories of Communications, a.k.a., the scary class. Huzzah for me. :)

For personal life... well, I got over the ex- and fell for J. I met some fantastic people -- Ben, Moose, Markuk, Char, Vicki -- and renewed acquaintances with a host of others (Greg, Mad, OFK, Big A, Jay, and the rest of the gang that I can't/won't list by name). I've developed some really tight friendships with people, particularly in the last six months or so, and I'm surrounded by people who make me feel good about who I am. It's really good for the ego to be told good things about yourself, or things people admire about you, and I'm doing my best to return the favours whenever I can. My friends are fabulous and I value them so highly, and I just hope they know that.

Also in personal life, but to a different degree, is this site and its companions. It's been so much fun seeing how many people have started reading this site -- my daily comments on people in my life, life itself, and whatever else comes to mind, be it rants about the Christmas decorations going up too soon or talking about how awesome my cats are -- and seeing how many people are into my efforts for Whore's Boudoir. I've had a whole number of friends and strangers complimenting me on my writing and asking me what I was going to do with it beyond these sites, and it's been that kind of support that's convinced me to actually take my writing more seriously. I'm not yet sure in what direction I'll go, but it's been your support that's convinced me to do something with it. That's more your accomplishment than mine, but I appreciate it.

Well, it's a hindsight is 20/20 kind of thing, but there's nothing here I regret to any huge degree. Just minor stuff.

For work: Mild regrets that I didn't try harder to put together a demo tape or try to advance further. At the same time, school is my priority at the moment, and I'm not in any huge rush to move forward just yet. I'm comfortable enough (although of course, I'd love to make more money) and I'm not going to be screwed over for finances, so I don't mind that I'm not going much further right now.

For school: Sorta regret having slacked off once the semester got underway. It was a very stressful semester (but aren't they all?), and I wish I hadn't slacked on courses like Greek Mythology, which were fun and relatively easy, so I know I could've done better than I eventually will have.

For personal life: Not getting out of the relationship with the pizza guy or the coworker sooner. Opening myself up too much and too quickly with J. Perhaps, but not sure, not having made a move on Markuk the first time around. However, to counteract all of the above, I can't say I seriously regret anything. The relationship with J was a learning experience, and it showed me that I can bring down my walls in the right circumstances, that I can find someone to trust and to who would treat me right. If things with Markuk had gone differently, then I wouldn't have gotten involved with Moose, and that's been going really well and been a really positive relationship, so I don't regret that. If the coworker had reacted differently, then I might feel differently about how it all panned out in the end. As it stands... I don't, not really. It's shown me a lot about his character that I wish I'd seen sooner.

So, perhaps this section, at least as it applies to my personal life, should perhaps be entitled "Things I might have done differently, but don't feel too bad about how they turned out overall."

For work: No big failure here, aside from the inability to secure a raise for the Saturdays and other odd days that I work. No biggie, I might get the balls to go a bit higher and ask again, or just see what else I can find and be done with it all. Who knows, there's nothing much I can or will do at the moment.

For school: Well *knock wood*, nothing, really. I can't think of anything off the top of my head that I didn't do that I wish I had done, or that I failed really miserably at, so let's hope it stays that way.

For personal life: I did a rather spectacular crash-and-burn this summer, and it had me skittish for several months, even to an extent now. Was it an utter failure? I don't think so, I learned about myself from it, and it's carrying me well now. I think, even taking into account the heartache and the everything that even now lingers on, that it really wasn't. But it's the closest I've got here, so I'll leave it in.

The end result of the situation with the coworker was a failure, but I think I knew from the start that if we dated, there was little chance we'd be able to stay friends afterwards, and the circumstances that precipitated the relationship and the circumstances that ended it were both major factors.

In the end, things with the ex- and the pizza guy both worked out okay. I've managed to stay friendly with each of them, even if I don't talk to them on a regular basis or anything like that -- when I do talk to them, however, it's usually not bad.

I haven't lost any friends or had any huge fights with anyone this year. I've had some minor irritations with friends, but I either vent about it on here and get over it, or just get over it, period. I think I've gotten fairly accepting of people this year and allowed them a lot of leeway, at least if they matter to me.

So, to recap, it's been a year full of ups and downs, and it's brought me that much closer to forming a me that I like. Work is slightly in limbo, but that's where it has to stay until I graduate and can do something more about it. School is almost over -- the idea of defining myself as something other than a student is a bit troublesome, but I'll get used to it, I'm sure. There's much to be said for self-education, and lord knows I read enough. Personal life... well, it's been the most stressful and the most up-and-down, but the most revealing and the most satisfying, too. I like who I am right now, and so do many others, or so they claim. ;) I can't fault that if it works.

So to all of you who've made this year of blogging what it's been, I say thank you. Very shortly I'll be celebrating the one year anniversary of this thing, and that's pretty amazing to me. In less than a year, I've managed to amass over 6000 hits on this site, and I'm hoping that number will just continue to rise. As I do my best to remember to say every now and then, I appreciate all of the support and hits that you've given me, and I hope that you will continue to return in the future to read about my crazy life. Perhaps one day I'll date someone who has no association whatsoever with this site, and you'll get to read all about our (mis-)adventures in glorious Technicolour detail. In the meantime, I hope the details you get are enough. :)

Happy New Years to anyone celebrating tonight, and please, be careful. Don't drink and drive.

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