In conversation with Shawn:

"One day, I found Jesus, and then he used air quotes and then I lost Jesus. And I was sad."

Also: "The use of "then" is very important. To the humour."

"P.S. I like boys. And AOL."

"Did you just say clit? Is that like naughty Turrets syndrome? "I like your clit clit company." They should make a show called ClitClit Company, it'd be funny. And there could be a character that inexplicably wears liederhosen."

"Did you remember the liederhosen? I can't live without the liederhosen!"

"I masturbated to what about him? The thought of his greasy cock in his fat girlfriend?"

Okay, now I'm done work. So I'll stop transcribing what Shawn says.