Well, today was crazy errand day. I actually got most of 'em done; I didn't get to the gym, and I didn't get to Chapters, but that's about it. Well, I didn't get to give Jordan his tapes, but by the time I dropped everyone off from the movie (I really got start charging for gas, or not driving everywhere -- Shawn was shocked to hear that I wouldn't have the car in two weeks' time, when I move out) the weather had gone all spastic and I didn't want to be out in it, even to the point of not buying gas.

Anyhow, made two trips out to Shawn's store, drove downtown twice, drove out to get my boxes from storage, got to IKEA and bought a bunch of stuff there... poor little car's been run ragged. I got the happiest kitchen table though, so that makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I also got a neat floor/reading lamp that I like, and I'm looking forward to decorating this tiny new place of mine. :)

Ever get the feeling sometimes that people start up conversations with you just so that they can tell you what's exciting in their lives? Like, they can't find anyone else online to revel in the wondrousness that is them, so they start up a conversation with you, tell you their news, then head off? I don't know, hard to describe, but it's kinda annoying behaviour to me.

D was a great help to me today, with all the running around and moving. He got kinda bored towards the end of the IKEA trip, but it's understandable; I don't know how thrilling I'd find it shopping for things to stock someone else's place, myself. The last few days have seen a real shift in our relationship, and it's one that I wish I could explore more fully, were it not for circumstances being completely against us. It's entirely possible that a relationship between us would fizzle out and die, but it's kinda frustrating not getting to find out one way or the other first-hand.

He said the other day that he fully believed that Shawn and I would start dating when he left for school. If I'm not mistaken, Shawn kinda felt the same way himself. :) It's somewhat understandable; we've been hanging out a lot lately and there's some attraction on both our parts, but at the same time (and how many people have heard me say this how many times?), I'd kinda like to be just plain ol' single for awhile. And not the version of single that sees me seeing two different people relatively seriously; I'm either going to be just very casually dating people or simply not dating at all. I've got a lot of major changes coming up in my life and I'd like to focus on them and myself. Having a boy (man?) in one's life simply complicates all of that.

Not to mention, my emotions need some shoring up. I've been through a wringer in the last little year, what with the coworker/J/Mark/E/D situation. Admittedly, that does entirely span a year, but there was still a decent amount of strife, trials and tribulations in there. I don't like to make my life easy.

Saturday is my birthday-licious extravaganza of fun, and I still don't know what I'm doing. Hell, I still don't even know who all's coming -- Mark and Lucas have said they can't make it, and Shawn, Glorg and D have said they will (as well as Jacob). Beyond that, I don't know what's going on. I'm not sure if it's depressing or not that an impromptu dinner thing gets some 15-odd people out, but a birthday celebration doesn't get any response at all. I'd hate to think that the dinner was so awful that people don't want to go out for my birthday, but I couldn't entirely blame them; the social circles didn't completely mesh... with one person in particular bringing some of the evening down, for certain. But we won't talk about that anymore.

I'm starting to feel the loneliness sinking in. Glorg, Shawn, Jacob, D and I saw American Wedding today; the second time for D and I. There was a lady sitting in the theatre with us who gave Glord performance anxiety -- he's normally a really loud laugher and because of this woman's huge laugh, he couldn't bring himself to compete. Now *that's* a gift -- and she's the same woman who basically shushed us when Shawn's phone rang and we made fun of a preview (all of this was during the previews). Meh.

Anyhow, loneliness. Seeing a movie about a wedding and seeing my friends all pairing up and being paired up for years and being the girl who just keeps dating and never seeming to find that one... it's sad sometimes. I mean, I do enjoy having some 'experience' behind me -- in terms of dating and relationships, not just sex -- but it's also difficult. It makes me wonder sometimes what's wrong with me that I haven't found myself that 'special someone' and others have. My five-year plan includes, ideally, being married. I'd always thought I'd be married by the time I turned 25 or so; I want to be young enough to have kids (if I have them) and still enjoy them, but also have a few years with my husband. It's just finding the guy who wants to stay around long enough to be the husband (and the one that I can see in that position) seems to be a bit of a sticking point.

Ah well. I don't fixate on being married near as much as it seems; I know that I don't need a boyfriend/husband to be happy and secure with myself. It's just really nice to have someone there to hold your hand, kiss you and tell you they love you, not to mention support you and hold you at night and all that other stuff.

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