Okay, finally posted my update to Whore's Boudoir.

I'm glad that I've given notice. It's going to be good to be away from E. That shit is just weird and annoying to deal with.

Today I was working at the info desk instead of my usual cash position, so that was fun 'cause it was different. I didn't have too many dumb people to deal with, so that was good -- just one or two, compared to the usual assortment. I had fun calling over to A on cash occasionally and just chatting with other employees when I could.

K was working behind the desk with me as well, and we were chatting a bit with the beanpole youngster who's working the same section D used to.

Now, the weird thing about this guy is that he's really tall and really thin, and his vest hangs the same way that D's did when he was working... so the first day that I met this beanpole guy, I kept seeing him out of the corner of my eye or whatever and thinking, "There's D" or "I should go say hi to D" and then it would turn out to not be D, but in fact the beanpole. Kept throwing me for a loop.

A was also telling me today about her crush on the youngster M, who also works there. He seems like a nice guy, really friendly and fun, and flirtatious in a way that's fun and non-threatening. He got pretty drunk at D's going away party and apparently went out to puke in the bushes, then passed out there; they went outside and found him at some point.

So the evening wasn't too bad, although I was getting the impression for awhile that K didn't much care for me or something... until I went to leave. He and I have been talking a bit about relationships vs. just plain fuck buddies over the last while, and I guess maybe I've whined a little about not getting any or something. It's been mainly joking at work, but privately sometimes I wish I wasn't going without. No matter.

Anyhow, today as I went to leave, he made the comment that "if he could be assured of discretion, he'd take care of my problem for me." Needless to say, I was somewhat floored by this. Then I kidna ran almost right away to tell A, and here I am posting it here online. This ranks right up there in my amazement factor with J, one of the other guys at work, asking me to "keep him in mind for the boyfriend list" if I were looking (as I'd joked I was doing at D's going away party).

A number of people at the bookstore have asked me about D, how he's doing, if I miss him, and so on. One of the older employees, another M, asked about him today and told me to say hi. The hostess of the party was asking about him, and J was asking if I "missed my little D." Of course no one would ask about me to the same extent when I leave, although maybe if D was still around they might ask him about me. More than likely, no one would notice.

That's something I was thinking about on my walk home today -- after busing to the house right after work (which ended at 10) to get the fish and a few bathroom items -- being alone and wanting to feel loved or accepted. I rarely start conversations with people, I don't often call people up, and I don't often make plans unless I'm certain that I'll be accepted. For the most part, I wait for people to invite me, to include me, to show that they want me to be around. If that doesn't happen, I'll often carry on in my little world doing whatever.

Then some days pop up where all I seem to do is hang out with people, and that's cool. I had lunch with my friend K today, after chatting with him for awhile this morning, too, then I had a quick dinner with Ben. I've bit my tongue for awhile on this, but ... I dunno. *sigh* I hate to list it here, otherwise it'll seem like I'm trying to assign blame and point fingers, and as much as someone may seem like everything rolls off their back, that doesn't mean that comments don't hurt or don't leave a mark. So, I'll just say that it was nice to see him, and here's hoping the coming months present us all with more Ben-seeing opportunities. He did say that he hadn't seen Glorg in forever (although he used the name Gord, not being in on Jen's little habit of renaming her friends).

Sometimes I wonder if I'm too intolerant. Things bug me, and occasionally I've been known to hang on to my annoyance for longer than maybe I ought to. I don't know what an acceptable length of time is, but I guess it does also depend on the perceived 'infraction' of my rules. Meh. I don't know, this is all speculation and it's going nowhere.

I'm also noticing that my isolation is leading to more posting here. :) The last few nights have had me back at home late, so most of my friends have long since hit the sack and disappeared. Then, what with my comments being gone and all, that doesn't help much either -- according to the most recent screen, they won't be back until at least Monday... so it'll be interesting to see what gets said when they reappear. :)

In the meantime, I'm off to bed. Hopefully this morning I won't awake to being a little too close to the edge for comfort. :)

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