Well, I don't have audio, and I'm not certain why. I woke up this morning almost hanging over one side of my bed -- the side where it slants to the floor. I may have to watch out for that.

I was able to sleep through much of the construction this morning, which leads me to think that they weren't doing the pounding and whatnot right outside my window like yesterday. I hope they haven't turned off the water again, otherwise I'm going to have to have my shower at home. Yesterday after the gym, I decided to come home and shower because I'd forgotten my towel and a new bra, and I figured it would just be easier. I also didn't want to tote my gym clothes everywhere. Anyhow, I got home to discover that they'd turned off the water, so I had a meagre trickle of hot water to try to wash with. *mutter* It worked, but it wasn't fun. :P

Anyhow, feeling great today. I think I didn't stretch myself out properly last time, and it was a new amount of weights to deal with. Yesterday I just repeated the same weights and reps that she set me up with last time, so it was challenging but not too prohibitive.

Man, my life has gotten kinda boring. There's no real strife or agony to post about, no first dates or new relationships for you guys to read about and live through with me. I'm really sorry about that. :P I mean, I could post about missing D and such, but I don't want to sour his university/manwhoring time. It's not exactly easy to run around and be a whore if you're reading about how the last person you dated misses you, right?

Ah well. A, R and I were talking about missing out on the sex and such yesterday. A was complaining that it'd been a month for her. I was joking that we should go to a bar and pick up men just for the monkey-lovin', but R was saying that it wasn't always that easy. Now, according to most of the guys I know, it is that easy for girls, but it's never happened that way for me, that's for sure.

K, one of the guys from work, and I were talking about relationships vs. just plain monkey sex. He was saying that sometimes you need a good fuck, no strings attached, pure animalistic loving. I've never really been able to relax enough to enjoy sex that way; I can't bring myself to really trust the person and tell him how it is that I like things, or confess to things I'd like to try. That's not to say that I haven't had decent sex, it just hasn't been *great* sex. Hell, there've been a few people I've dated that I haven't been able to tell them how to do things differently so I'd enjoy it. It really seems to take me awhile to be able to do that.

I've read studies (and an article yesterday in Cosmo) that say that after a certain period of time of going without sex, women start to desire it less. Admittedly, I've never had a particularly long period of time without sex. That hasn't been planned, it's just been how it's worked out. I did hold off for awhile after J and I broke up, basically 'cause I was healing and I wasn't interested in sex. But I do think that just abstaining for awhile isn't a bad idea. I've spent too much time going from "boy is cute/I'm attracted" to "let's date him" without learning in between if the personality of the guy is appealing to me, or if we'd even be well-suited. Just because I find someone attractive doesn't mean I have to act on it. I'd rather wait and get to know someone a bit better and work from there.

The way things happened with D were pretty funny. I thought he was cute and he seemed nice enough, and I was bored on my end of the cash wrap so I'd annoy the various people in magazines who were around. I'd asked D what he thought about C, who I'd started dating, and he teased me about it and somehow from there we got to talking about things like Buffy and maybe a bit about sex. Ask any of my friends; conversations with me invariably turn to sex, even if I'm not the one to bring up the subject. Apparently it's something I bring out in people. :P

Anyhow, I don't even remember why, maybe we were talking about come-on lines or styles of picking up or something... actually, I think D had insulted me and I was pouting, but he came up and wrapped two arms around me and then one leg and gave me a fake hump. Prior to this he'd made many jokes about me meeting him in the basement for some fooling around. I remember one day discussing brands of condoms, too; again, no idea how the subject came up. Once again, apparently it's just me.

So the whole time, I'd found him cute and all, and I had fun flirting with him (something that a lot of the other cashiers had picked up on), but I didn't figure that it was anything beyond just flirting for him, either. I tend to have a fairly low self-image of myself. I just don't see what it is that other people find that attractive or appealing in me. I see myself as smart, low, semi-educated (but definitely not in politics, history or current affairs), and sometimes able to make certain people laugh. There's a lot of insulting that goes into that, or teasing, but it's a bi-product of my family and my friends growing up. Often when I try to relate seriously to someone, they're not in the same frame of mind, so the insulting begins.

I just find it kinda funny how it is that D and I went from something casual to something more serious. Neither of us expected to, and we certainly hadn't planned it. I hadn't thought he'd be interested in me, being a few years younger than I and such, but there you have it. It was cute when we first started dating; I remember how after our first 'date' -- watching the final episode of Buffy at my place -- he acted kinda awkward and was grinning a lot when we were at work the next day. Then, when we hung out a bit more, he kept bringing out tidbits of his life -- "did I tell you I was in cadets?" -- almost as if he was worried I wasn't thinking of him seriously as a person. I thought it was cute. :)

There was a lot of trouble with the situation about him and E. Early on, E issued an ultimatum... then kinda took it back. Either that or just never brought it up again. Then D began to say that he couldn't handle the double-dating situation. That happened a number of times, and finally it was resolved when E dumped me. Problem solved. :P

And now, I am back amongst the land of the singles, just doing my own thing. Which so far consists of going to work and going to work and setting this place up and hanging out with friends. Also problem-solving; I just managed to figure out why it was I wasn't getting audio. It turns out that my speaker wasn't plugged into the right thing on the back of the computer. Now, I don't want to blame Shawn, but... ;)

Soemtimes I like to think back on how certain relationships or friendships of mine started, and think of how I perceived things at the time. I have to admit, I was intrigued by the pizza guy's nipple ring. The same when I noticed D's tongue ring. I find that when I talk to someone and we have similar interests as me or they make me laugh or there's something about them that piques my interest, then I tend to fixate, or my attraction really develops.

The guys I find myself attracted to are the ones that make me laugh, that I can talk to for long stretches of time, that I trust, and that manage to get my imagination running. It's been a long time since I felt an immediate "I want you" lust for anyone. I haven't had a crush in a long time, that I can remember. It's usually just become a liking, and a wanting to jump after I get to know the person.

There's a girl at work who had crushes on a few of the other employees, and when I listened to her talk about it, I just couldn't relate, really. That made me wonder about how long it had been since I'd been in the same situation. Maybe I tend to just have reciprocal liking going on? Or my liking develops at the same time as that of the guy's? I dunno. My last bunch of relationships have been so unusual in their development that it's really hard to say.

Hrm. Never thought I had this much to say, but I was thinking about love the other day and I guess this has grown out of it.

For now, however, I must get ready to go. I've wasted the morning, so I can't run errands the way I'd hoped, but there are downtown ones I can look after -- like lunch with my old friend K. :)

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