Argh. People.

Picture those with a fair bit of disgust behind them, okay?


Drives me nuts.

Okay, the story. Yesterday was more or less my usual Thursday routine: Go to work, go to the gym and train for an hour. Cardio for about twenty minutes, tanning for just under that time, shower, sauna, change (with the lady I'll refer to as Mrs. Big Naked Butt, but that's a slightly different rant).

Now, back up a second until 3 p.m., when I left work -- I emailed Ben from my phone, asking if he was interested in getting together for dinner tonight. 3 p.m. Key point there.

Moving forwards; it's 5:30 or slightly later, I'm getting changed, I hear my phone ring the way it does when I get a voice or text message. No problem, I figure it's perhaps Ben emailing me back. I get my shit together, brush my hair and head upstairs (the gym is in the basement and there's no signal down there, so I wasn't even going to try to see what was going on).

I get upstairs and outside, and find out that it's in fact voice mail. Check the voice mail, and it's the older infatuated friend of mine that I ranted about on October 29th (you chase the post down, me, I'm at work) that I referred to as C. He's called to see if I want to get together for dinner. In his message, he says that since he can't get a hold of me on my cell, he'll try me at home. Sure enough, when I checked later, there was a message on my home phone.

There was a second message on my cell, but it was just a hang up, so I can only assume it was from him. Now, I would like to take a moment at this point to state that C has not given me any number by which I can reach him, claiming only that he's never at home so it's not worth it to try. He has my numbers, he calls me.

I do have an email address and his MSN, however the last few days I haven't had time/spent time online, nor have I been much in the socializing frame of mind -- Shawn has explicitly commented on this. Others can attest that they haven't spoken to me online in several days. I've also been trying to avoid napping in the afternoon and instead go to bed at a semi-decent hour; last night I was in bed by 10:15, the night before that, quarter to 10 (I had to get up earlier for work this morning).

And as the final part of my sidebar, I want to quietly say that even were I to have tonnes of free time and the will to socially abuse it, I really don't feel particularly comfortable with this guy with his new "transformation" and stated interest in me. Definite feelings of awkward and uncomfortable, and that's not my idea of a fun evening. :P

Okay, second final sidebar note: I'm also getting kinda set in my ways. :) That's not to say that I don't enjoy having plans and whatnot, but since I'm living alone, the care and maintenance of my apartment is up to me -- hence doing dishes and things have to be done, and I'm the only one doing them, so sometimes I have to make time to actually *do* them (especially when they start to smell). I also have my little routines for each day -- Tuesdays and Thursdays is the gym, Wednesdays (and sometimes Thursdays) is good t.v., usually weekends are for hanging out with friends who don't have many weekday plans... and so on. So sometimes I'm looking forward to having my "day," and I don't feel like changing that. I have lot of interests that don't translate too well to group activities, and sometimes I really look forward to those.

Anyhow, finally moving on. :) On my walk home, Ben calls me and confirms our plans for the evening. I tell him I want to drop off my gym stuff (and I'm only about a block from home at this point) and dry my hair and so on, then I'll meet him at the bar where he and a coworker are hanging out. We get together, do our chilling, eat some dinner, go our separate ways.

I go home, put away a few things, settle on the couch with the remote and veg out for a bit. C.S.I. comes on, it's a repeat. Poop. I flip channels as I do some reading, and just before 10 the phone rings. Note to self -- always check caller I.D. before answering. That's what you have this service. :P

In truth, I thought it was someone else calling at that hour (in response to a, 'Hey, how are you?' call I'd placed the day before). No such luck. Astute readers will ascertain that it was C. Argh.

We do the hey, how's it going thing and exchange current activities, and then he goes somewhat silent, as if at this point I'm supposed to carry the conversation. Admittedly, my attention was somewhat split -- my book, my television, my total apathy in the current conversation, and I basically say that unfortunately, I'm going to let him go because I have to go to bed -- I have to be up early because I was filling in for someone today, which was the truth.

So then he takes five minutes to get out one question (there were lots of pauses and heavy sighs and hesitation noises between just about every bloody syllable): He's been getting the feeling that he's been getting the brush-off, as the last several times he's tried to plan something, I've avoided him, blah blah blah is that the case?

Now, I told him that the reason I didn't get his calls was because I was at the gym (true), and that I'd already made plans with a friend (also true), and he kinda interrupts me to say that all I'd had to say was a simple yes or no. I then further explain that I haven't been online much (also true) and that I'd been somewhat turtling/hermitting myself (true) this week, and that the only time I'd heard from him recently was this dinner invite (also true). He admits that the final is true, that he hermits sometimes too and whatnot, and that he was just wanting to be careful because with all of his recent discoveries of his emotions or whatever that he was feeling kinda vulnerable, but he thought that if I really did want him to go away, I would be able to say so.

Now, my way isn't that clear, at least not until I feel the express need for it to be. I just can't be that direct usually. However, at the same time, it's very very tempting. :P

Finally, he took a bit of a jibe at me, saying that friendship means actually spending time with your friends and all this, and that if I had things I wanted to talk about (he was going off my MSN name for that one), I was perfectly welcome to discuss them with him.



Read over my post from October 29th, okay? Seriously. Am I going to talk to someone who chastises me and patronizes me for choosing a path that was different than his? Am I going to talk to someone who admits that his "feelings" for me influence his every thought and bit of advice? Am I going to talk to someone who takes friggin' forever to get out a simple sentence -- one that often consists of chastising or patronizing me?


Especially not someone that wants to hear all of my deep and dirty secrets, but not open up to me in return. That's not what a friendship is, I'm sorry. :P At least, not one I want to maintain.

*sigh* So after I got him off the phone, I went online very briefly and then went to bed. Excitement is my middle name.

Anyhow, lunchtime is over and I have to run, but I'm going to close with this: I don't, as a rule, screen calls. If I'm out with friends and my cell rings, I'll check who's calling to determine if I should answer it or not, but other than that, if a phone rings, I'm just excited someone wants to talk to me. :P But I think for the next little bit, I must just start doing that, for his own sake. :P

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