Well, I'm a lazy bum. I've just slugged around the apartment today, in my pjs. Nice times.

(And now I've posted this huge update that no one will read and that breaks my site in several places.)

However, I did get the fishies' tanks changed, so I do feel I've accomplished at least something minor. Peacock tried to make a run for it, but I got him and he seems to be doing okay.

I hung out with a few friends last night, just chatting all evening. I wound up getting home around 4 a.m., so I got to sleep about quarter after... and managed to sleep in this morning/afternoon until quarter after 2 -- so I really have a good reason for my lumpiness. Bell (I think; it was some long-distance number from Toronto) called me around 10 this morning, which woke me up; I laid there in bed listening to the phone ring, thinking, "I'll get up and retrieve the message later. Sorry whoever it is, but I'm not going to try to answer it now."

It's been a fairly active week. I went out to see my doctor on Tuesday to get all of my dread diseases checked out; thankfully, my lungs were clear and all, so no pneumonia or bronchitis, just a very lingering and annoying cough. Everything else seems okay, just annoying. Yes, the word of the day in regards to my body (for the last three weeks or so) is annoying.

Wednesday (I think), Ben and I hooked up for a bit to go to the comic book store to return some stuff I bought for store credit (note to self: Ben now owes me money ;)). Since they only do store credit, it meant we had to buy things. That was a hardship, but we managed. Of course, before that, we bought some tasty fajita/falafel sandwiches in the mall. Ben's sandwich, I'm sorry to say, since it was made with big meatballs of chickpea mush, looked like horse poo, and I lost no time in telling him such. I'm a great friend. :)

On Thursday I tried to make it into the gym, and I managed about a half-hour of weights when my trainer called an end to the session 'cause she said my muscles were simply exhausted. We were doing a fairly regular routine, although we did a new thing on the leg lifts and tucks -- it involved doing as many I could at gradually lowering weights. Very killer. I could feel myself getting a bit light-headed while we were doing steps on the box, but I kept drinking water and resting and thought I was okay. When I was doing the hip machine that opens outwards (I can't remember if that's the adducter or the other one), even at much less weight than I usually do, I was just absolutely shaking -- and not the little shakes that you sometimes get, but big, full muscle ones. So I did the bike for awhile at a low level, and even then I was feeling kinda off, and sweatier than I should've been. So after all of that misery, I went for a little nap in the tanning bed, and I felt a lot better afterwards.

Isn't that all fascinating? :) Anyhow, after that I got to run home and drop off my gym stuff, dry my hair and whatnot, then run to the mall to meet up with a friend for dinner and a performance. The show was interesting; it was two orchestral performances, the first being a Mozart piece, and the second being a series of sung poems about death and other happy subjects.

We weren't following the program at first to translate the pieces, but I figured they weren't happy in tone just by the musical cues; it sounded very minor-key, although I could very easily be totally off. Once we clued in, we were reading along and just amazed at some of what was there; one line in particular had one guy asking another, "were you born during one of your mother's fecal spasms?" Oh yeah, and this was set to music!

So he apologized afterwards for the content, saying he hadn't quite realized it was going to be quite so cheery and uplifting. No matter. We walked through the freezing cold to get to my place, then hung out for about an hour or so before I tossed him out so I could get some sleep. :)

The next day at work was semi-painful, at least initially. I was having a hard time getting moving in the morning, so I was speaking pretty slowly and incoherently, for a little bit. I perked up by the time we had our morning meeting (after about an hour and a half of being at work), since I realized that I was actually feeling not too bad for a change. I spent most of the day taking care of whatever needed it -- I had a few media calls I helped out on, so that was nice, and then I got to leave early (since I'd stayed late on Tuesday to help someone else apply for my job (well, sorta not really)... which reminds me -- on Tuesday I applied for my job.. meaning I may have an actual permanent government job (or be even closer on my way to one) by the spring, which is *awesome*). How's that for bracket abuse? :)

Anyhow, Friday I finally went and picked up my contacts (which I'd ordered a month ago), then wandered down the street to the bus route that takes me to my street, stopping in and spending lots of money at various stores while en route. I picked up a few technical music books, so I'll have something new and challenging to practice (and maybe I'll even go for Royal Conservatory?), once I retrieve my clarinet from the folks' place, of course, I bought Pirates of the Carribean, used, at Blockbuster, then I bought a few other DVDs -- the Jersey trilogy and Sex and the City season 5, and the newest Rufus Wainwright CD from Future Shop. Of course, all this money spending meant that by the time I caught my bus and got back home, it was in the middle of rush hour... so the travelling was a bit of a slow go. :P

Once I got home, what'd I do? Not a whole lot. Naw, scarfed down some dinner, did some dishes and watched some Buffy, then showered and got together with the aforementioned friends. I finally pinpointed what it was that I found annoying, and just filed it away for later discussion with trusted people.

Right now, I'm listening to the Muppets' 25th anniversary album, and I keep remembering how last week, at the spaghetti-fest-o-rama, we got to discussing the Muppets, and one girl and I broke into the theme song, complete with commentary by Statler and Waldorf (the grumpy old men). Good times. Ben thought we were weird, but then again, he always does. :)

Anyhow, now that the recitation portion of the post is over (and I've lost all but the few dedicated readers who actually "read" my posts and not those who just skim or give up in disgust), it's time for the discussion portion. Ben and I got to talking a bit about language the night we hung out, and I wanted to bring it up/reiterate it here. In part, I was commenting on how "you know" seems to have replaced (to a certain extent) "like" in people's speech patterns. I first noticed it once upon a time, before he was popular, with Eminem, but it's pretty wide-spread, and I think in a sense, more annoying. I don't know if people are trying to make their speech less aggressive and more inclusive or something, but it's irritating to hear, at least to me.

Not that I don't employ it myself, of course, but not nearly to the same extent as some people I hear. And only when I'm actually looking for someone's confirmation or accordance with what it is I'm saying.

From there, I was also mentioning how it is that language, especially within myself and my circle of friends, appears to have changed. It's more obvious in spoken conversation, but it also turns up in written text and our writing.

And just as a sidebar -- I just realized I totally missed the two-year mark for this blog. It was yesterday, January 9th.

There you go, two candles for the birthday, and one for good luck.

Anyhow, as examples of the kind of changes in communication, I'd like to present the following excerpt from what is a very typical conversation between Shawn and myself:

(This one follows me making a typo on someone's name).
Aphrodite: *sigh* Okay, so I'm STUPID !~!#WR Thanks for point it out. I cry.
Aphrodite: *sobs*
Shawn: This conversation, though hilarious, must now come to an end.
Aphrodite: God we have retarded conversations
Shawn: Oh, you're not dumb!
Aphrodite: Yeah, I gotta hit the sack
Shawn: Are you complaining? =D
Aphrodite: Yes. I cry.
Shawn: Well, me too.
Aphrodite: Good. Hah!
Shawn: I cry for the children. The children that give you money.
Aphrodite: See, I just beat them and then laugh. But that's me.
Shawn: While you sit on your throne as a 300-pound evil king/emperor.
Aphrodite: Why am I always fat and male?
Shawn: And eat and throw scraps at them and force them to dance for your amusement but they can't dance because they needs the money for their operations but they won't be having their operations because you are taking their money!
Shawn: Because it amuses me.
Aphrodite: *sob*
Aphrodite: Anyhow, I must go and shower. You're getting your jealousy all over me.

Here endeth the excerpt. Granted, it's not the best example, but it just goes to show how in some cases our conversations veer completely off-course, contain a multitude of fragments and nonsense, yet we both understand one another perfectly.

Actually... here's a *much* better example (although I wanted to post that first one 'cause it was just plain funny, and it follows Shawn asking if I was going to have sex with someone I'd just met):

Shawn: Does this mean that I *won't* be having sex?
Aphrodite: Yes and unlikely. Why does everyone think I'm a whore? :'(
Shawn: I don't! I was just being silly.
Aphrodite: And since you're mean, I'm going to curse you with anti-sex!
Shawn: See? *dances* Silly, silly! La la la.
Shawn: No-o-o-o-o!
Shawn: Not *again*!
Aphrodite: A single tear.
Aphrodite: *poke* Are you flailing and crying?
Aphrodite: Whilst frantically masturbating?
Shawn: Nah.
Shawn: Just perusing the ol' information superhighway.
Shawn: And feeling lonely. =P
Aphrodite: Trying to find my little nuggets of wisdom? :)
Shawn: And underwhelmed! A double-whammy, to be sure.
Aphrodite: I'll trade you lonely for sick.
Shawn: Yes! They're carefully hidden.
Aphrodite: I'm sneaky that way :)
Shawn: Deal. I'd love to be sick, but not lonely. Being lonely sucks. Sucks more than being sick, you see.
Shawn: Like easter eggs in DVDs! Or Strong Bad's cartoons.
Aphrodite: :)
Shawn: Psst. Find me love.
Shawn: It's over *there*.
Aphrodite: Umm... go out with Ben!
Shawn: YES
Shawn: It makes so much sense!
Aphrodite: :) I'm just cupid's cuter sister :)
Shawn: No, wait...

He says I am not a colleague. >=D
Aphrodite: Geez, get over it, bum :)
Shawn: BUT I CAN'T
Aphrodite: Obviously. Sheesh.
Shawn: Weren't you supposed to be finding me love and/or making babies?
Aphrodite: Well, I'm taking the night off. I'm sick -- and you reject my choices.
Shawn: Your choices are good! Really! I'll date Ben, I swear! I'll... I'll even have lots of sex with him!
Shawn: And write him poetry!
Aphrodite: I'm waiting for the "but"
Shawn: But...


You're pretty?
Aphrodite: Yes, that is my tragic flw.
Aphrodite: flaw
Shawn: Mine is that I'm a jerk!
Shawn: *is proud*
Aphrodite: Yeah, I've noted that. :)
Shawn: =)
Shawn: Well, you're a crazy bitch, so YOU WOULD!!11
Aphrodite: Ah well, at least you're eye candy
Aphrodite: {#(*@&{OIJT
Aphrodite: Rgl
Shawn: Oh, man, I'm good. Woof.
Aphrodite: That's my flailing
Shawn: *laughs*
Shawn: It made me happy. Down THERE
Aphrodite: I know, I saw
Shawn: Yeah. It's kinda long. Stetches downtown right good, it does!

And then we moved into an actual conversation. This really illustrates what I mean with sentence fragments, random insults, stupid comments, and so on and so on... I don't think it has a lot of the definite article, which gets a lot of use amongst us ("having the sex," for example), and I think it kinda came about after I started passing around the Real Life cartoon:

Maybe that isn't the cause, but sometimes it feels like it. :) I know that since I've been spending time with Shawn and Gord, my speech style has changed somewhat, at least with friends. I find that I have some friends that are great for witty repartee, and that can take the form of insults, or flirting, or just general commentary, and they, Ben, Mark, and a few other people I know, seem to fit into that category.

At the same time, I've developed a bit of a dry delivery (that not everyone picks up on, which can be frustrating or funny), as well as a more pronounced self-depricating style, and an overall general apathy about what I reveal about myself in some kinds of discussions. As I say constantly, I'll answer just about any question put to me, so long as I feel that the person asking me has a right to the answer. If it's a question I might not want to answer, and it's someone that I don't necessarily want to have that kind of information about me, I'll lie. But to people I respect, or people I'm interested in befriending, they'll generally get the honest answer.

I still try to protect peoples' feelings, which often backfires, but I'm trying to be better about that, too.

This subject kinda came up last night, too: I mentioned that it had been said to me by some people (Ben, Shawn and Gord, at the very least), that I let people know a lot about me, but only within certain boundaries. This is a communication model that I learned about in university, and I think it's pretty apt; basically, imagine that you have a series of concentric circles, divided up like a pie. Each circle represents a new depth of information that you share, and each slice of pie represents a subject or area of your life: work, personal life, health, money, whatever.

Some people might know a great deal about you in certain areas -- like maybe work and your working out, for example -- but very little about your home life or your personal interests (maybe your coworkers). Other people might know a little it of information about you in a whole bunch of areas (passing acquaintances), and finally, some people (very close or long-term friends) might know a great deal about you in a great number of areas, although not always to the same depth.

So when I started thinking about this last night, the image I now have in my head is of my own personal pie, as it were, with some areas filled in all the way, but some completely empty, or with maybe one bar filled in. And it makes me wonder, what do people perceive as being the pie slices that they don't hear about?

And this segues very nicely into my thoughts about myself (hah, so self-absorbed am I!) in regards to sharing information, and the power associated with it. I'm in complete agreement with the current thought that information is power, and I employ that sometimes in my relationships. Not as much my friendships, exactly, but even then sometimes -- if I don't entirely trust someone, or if I know they have ties to someone I'm dating or have dated, then I'm going to be careful about what I share with them, because I know there's a higher chance that information will get back to the (ex-)SO in question.

So, information. JW, one of the friends I spoke with last night, said that he thought there was nothing that I didn't share, because of this blog. However, I and Greg quickly refuted that by saying that my site is very heavily self-censored, and it's true. I'm too aware of the people who do and can read it at times, particularly in the ex-boyfriend world, and out of the interest of protecting them and myself, there is much that doesn't appear here. Namely, my sex and dating life, and my feelings on said topics (although sometimes I just need a place to vent, and it does appear).

(Wow, just took a huge IMDb-browsing/card-playing break. Now I'm back). So where was I? Information. I'm cautious about the emotions and the thoughts that I reveal sometimes, but there are times that I don't want certain people to know certain things about me. Like, not wanting an ex- to know that this or that hurts, or that I'm upset about something they're doing or not doing. I don't want them to know how I'm feeling, because then they can use that knowledge against me, or to boost their own ego, or whatever.

It's not necessarily logical -- I certainly don't sit there, feeling high and mighty on myself if someone I've broken up with is pining over me, so why should I assume my ex- would? -- but it's how I feel. The coworker used to accuse me of being obsessed with power, and of always wanting to have the power, but he was very wrong. It's not that I want to always have the power, or that I need it, because I actually think that I hand over a great deal of power to someone I'm seeing, and that I wear my heart on my sleeve. Rather, it's that I fear people having too much power over me. I'm uncomfortable making myself vulnerable, or admitting that something can affect me deeply, because that can be used against me, and I've had too many people (such as the coworker, such as UBFM), use the power I gave them against me. It's made me cautious and gun-shy... especially since I happen to be the queen of caring too long. A few years back, a lady read my star chart (or whatever it's called when they take your birthday and time of birth and tell you about you), and told me that I don't give my heart out a lot, but when I do, it's fully-given, and that's something that really resonated at the time, since I was getting over J. I find I can't truly let go of someone until I totally fall for someone else. :P Even then, I still care about the other person, but it doesn't hurt to be around them or talk to/about them.

And it then seems as if whenever I allow myself to feel for someone, I get hurt, and it makes me cautious once more. A nice, vicious circle, right? :P

I'm not even sure if I'm explaining this well. It's not easy to articulate, and now I feel kinda wonky in the head. I think I need more food (my body is so hard to read nowadays), and maybe a shower or something.

But before I sign off, a few things I forgot to mention: last night, hanging out with the crew, we watched Bring it on again, because a sequel was really needed to Bring it on. Save your money; it's a horrid film. Only value is in its mocking abilities.

And secondly... earlier in the week I was finding that I was feeling somewhat nauseated in the mornings, and I pretty much had to force myself to eat anything. I mentioned as much to a coworker, after he commented on my pallor (I've been doubling as the Ghost of Death Past lately) or asked how I was or something, and he asked me sotto voce if I was pregnant.

The question later really struck me -- like, did he actually expect me to respond in the affirmative if I was? I mean, I'm 23, single, living on my own... would I really be announcing it like that if I was? And if I was, what would have been his next question? Are you happy about it? Going to keep it? What do your parents think? I wasn't necessarily angry (although mildly miffed when I was thinking about whether I was or wasn't wasn't any of his business), but the question still struck me as quite odd later.

Ah well... here's hoping my body recovers completely soon and that I can once again consume even trace amounts of dairy without fear. I have purchased an ungodly number of over-the-counter drugs in the last while, what with all of my dread diseases and all... I guess it means I'll have 'em for if I ever need things like cold medication (three kinds!) later. :P

Here we go, another long post that no one will comment on. :)

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