Instead of a real update...

(Rance) so... i'm driving to cedar rapids today
(Rance) and i'm feeling a little frisky...
(Rance) so i start cranking one off in the car
(Rance) and it's really kind of funny when you... achieve your objective, and you wind up laying on the horn... and it's blaring for like 1/4 mile
(Rance) so now the next time i hear someone going down the road with their horn going for no reason... i'll know

Mortaneous: Lyme... idiots of that caliber still exist
Mortaneous: I thought Darwinian evolution woulda killed em off the first time they attacked the toaster with a knife for eating their bread

(SpitZ) this sms was sent by a friend of mine
(SpitZ) Sally mr. pls,2wedding
(SpitZ) What's that supposed to mean?
(crazhee) i think it read as "Sally mist'er period. please comma to wedding"

(Raven) spread the word of jesus my brother
(Jonesy) j----e---s----u---s

(bill``) I'm taking the AP calc test tomorrow--does anyone have any last minute tips?
(MSINISTER) dont put metal in a microwave!
(MSINISTER) good luck!

(@Ryu) I remember when I was watching a porn on a tape I received from my friend, and I start wacking off to the lesbians on the TV... Then all of a sudden right when I was about to cum, the tape stopped and it was TeleTubbies on the TV instead. I cummed, and I cried.... i'm not joking.

(flee) fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to
(flee) suffering, suffering leads to ice cream.
(mrg) mmmm, ice cream
(6) ice cream leads to fat, fat leads to jazzercise, jazzercise
(6) leads to SUFFERING
(mrg) yay the cycle of ice cream is complete!

(Ed) P2 Celeron was good though, because it used the same slot as the P3.
(Mime) P3 has two different slots!
(Mime) I had a SNES game style P3, my mate had a flat one.
(Ed) Mime, that's a socket.
(waffle) Mime: you mean a slot and socket
(Mime) Yes, socket and slot.
(waffle) amd really loved the slot
(kawaii_kekekeke) I love that slot.
(Mime) I love your mom's slot
(waffle) your moms a slot

(Czarina) I've always had a hard time picturing hamsters in the wild. I get this mental image of a horde of them devouring a cow or something.

(rjbs) billn: you some kinda jehovah's witness??
(billn) rjbs: I wouldn't say 'witness.' I mean, I clearly saw God hit that guy with his car, but there's no way I'm gonna testify against him.

(Ebony) There is a cat sitting on my foot.
(IDK) You kids and your jive talk.

(RevengePimpy) i found a lifestyles condom in my car
(RevengePimpy) in the back seat
(RevengePimpy) I can't reamber the last time someone rode in the back seat
(RevengePimpy) maybe someone broke into my car to fuck or something
(RevengePimpy) it boggles my mind