Man, sometimes I'm so jealous of funny people:

DEAR ABBY: "Ruth W., Virginia Beach" suggested in her letter that program committees should make rules that would prevent microphone hogs from going on and on.

One story tells of a committee that did this, telling the master of ceremonies to warn speakers that if they went past the allotted time, they would be mowed down with a sharp bang of the gavel.

The warning didn't register with one windbag, and the committee members signaled the emcee to gavel the person off the dais. He took up the gavel, but in his nervous state about performing such a gutsy move, he gave the person sitting next to him a mighty blow on the head. The injured man was heard to say, as he slipped under the table, "Hit me again. I can still hear him talking." -- BERNARD BRUNSTING, STUART, FLA.

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