I remember sitting, thighs still sticky, half-asleep, on decorative planters, at 2 in the morning, watching the street sweepers go by. I remember sitting, eyes barely open, waiting for the bus to arrive to carry me home. And sometimes, when I look at now and I look at then, I wonder... when am I going to feel like a grown up?

In a sense, I miss those evenings. Maybe I've had better sex, but it's the closeness I miss. I miss the cuddling, the goofing around, and the idea that all of that was mine, even if it was just for a little while.

Of course, it was never really all mine, and, like many things in my life then and since, it's ended. Well, really, it ended a long time ago -- I'm reminiscing about things that are over a year old -- but still, it was nice while it lasted. It's almost always nice while it lasts.

But I felt that, when I turned 24 last month (has it only been a month?), that this year would be a good one for me. For some reason or another, I felt that things would start to turn around. It's more of a general sense, really; I don't know if this relates to relationships, to friendships, to work, to school, or to play... but I felt as though in some way, something would change for me. And for a change, it'd be for the better.

I still don't know when or where or even if that change is going to take place, but the idea of it is there. I still have 11 months to go; it's not like it's something I'm going to give up on now.

Am I where I thought I'd be at 24? Maybe a bit closer now. I have my own apartment, my own bills (yay), two psychotic cats that I love, a fabulous roster of friends, a good job, and I'm still in debt. I'd hoped to be out of debt, but ... well, I have a great apartment. :) I used to think, way back when, that I'd do like my parents did -- get married around 22, start having kids around 27 or so... then I got to be 21, and thought, HAH! I'm way too young to be married. And since I'd like a few years with my husband, I'm not likely to be having kids anytime soon -- what with the whole not seeing anyone being a minor factor or so.

But that's okay. I kinda like being single, and I'm enjoying things as they are. I like being only answerable to me, and not having to worry about how my behaviour might reflect on my relationship. Not that I really have to worry about my behaviour, but it's also nice to know that if I decide I want to go out or I want to go and get laid, either one are fairly easy to accomplish. Should I so choose.

I have a wedding coming up that I'm attending, and I decided to go it stag. I had thought about bringing a date, but I didn't want to cost the bride and groom extra money, so I figured I'd just hang out with my friends and so on. The bride told me I have up until 10 days beforehand to change my mind, but I doubt I will. When I told my mom I had this wedding coming up, she asked me if I was taking anyone; I explained that I wasn't, and my reasoning, and she told me that I shouldn't bring someone, that weddings are great places to meet someone. I found that pretty hilarious -- Lord knows neither of my parents has ever pushed me to be dating someone, so it was funny to hear this kind of thing coming from my mom.

I've also got a date coming up in a few weeks, so it's not like life is all that bad. E and I hung out last week, watched The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, ate a lot of food (the guy drank 5 of my Cokes), and showed each other lots of dumb shit on the computer. I've since downloaded all of the episodes of Red vs. Blue, and I've been slowly making my way through that.

I also picked up Sims 2 last week, and every now and then -- when the cats leave me alone for a few minutes and aren't breaking my stuff -- I play it. It's a lot different than Sims, and in some ways that's good, and in other ways it's not. Although they've introduced more realism -- I had one pregnant lady, and she was always starved and always had to pee. :)

What else? Not too much has been going on, and I like it that way. I start my boxing class on Saturday with my trainer and a few other people. It was supposed to start a week ago, but there was a mix-up in the booking, and it actually works out better this way. I was all full of feeling like crap yesterday, and then I went and worked out and vented and felt better. I make fun of people in the gym, and point them out to my trainer, and she does the same for me... we're both awful people, but it helps make the time and the strain pass by faster.

I was hanging out with some of the zone people on Saturday, and I was telling a friend of mine how I can flex my abs in three different places -- four if I count the obliques. Now if I could only get rid of the layer of fat that covers them, I have the feeling I'd have some rather nice ones. :P

Anyhow... back to doing nothing. I think now it's time for some supper, and maybe I'll put on real clothes so I can go to the store and buy more chocolate. Godiva is totally wasted when you have the chocolate-needing PMS.

Weird things from today: Reps from the Catholic church came by to talk to me. I think maybe they thought I had someone over or something, 'cause I said it wasn't a good time and I was wearing pyjamas. Well, pyjama pants and a tank top. Also, someone from "the bank" called and was asking questions about my next door neighbours. Suuuure... first of all, 'cause I'm going to help out someone who calls *me* to ask about my neighbours, and second of all, when they don't even identify what bank they're calling from? Makes me extra-suspicious. In addition, got a wrong number, and got a phone call from Ben.

I'm glad I stayed home today. :)