What, me a leper?

Isn't this just ducky... feeling rejected all over the place. The ex- was down this weekend, didn't even call me, even after arguing for awhile about when we'd see each other... the coworker can apparently barely stand to talk to me. Apparently I was obligated to *everyone*, which is just a pisser and a half.

And it would seem that the only way to solve my various problems is to either a) date everyone that's mad at me, or b) date no one so that everyone is happy. c) What would make me happy? I haven't the faintest idea.

Everytime I think about this, I want something different, so I'm paralyzed with my indecision. For some reason, I feel that I'd get a handle on things if I were to move out, but I don't know what that would actually solve. Nothing, but it would make me feel a bit better, or something. Maybe not. More indecision!

And my piercings hurt, and I don't know why. :P

I'm so sick of being in debt and living in a tiny area filled with things I don't want to throw out because I'll have the space for them when I can live in more than one room, and feeling fat and everyone pulling at me and now pushing me away... argh!

I'm so looking forward to reading week. A whole week without school or work... that will be very very nice. I do however need to make sure I get some practice in on my voicing and whatnot before then... maybe for fun on Tuesday I'll go into the voice track studio or something and just mess around for a bit.

On Friday I was very mad and very stressed. I wanted very badly to kick something. I was very frustrated from the outcome of my group meeting, since it felt like I'd wasted an hour and a half of work time to get more or less nowhere... and today I was angry because I asked them to write one small part of the paper and I'd do the rest... and neither of them did that. My friend emailed me their student numbers, which I could have given two shits about... so I sent her back a kinda pissy email, saying that next time I won't be able to do this. I said that while I respect the fact that she works all weekend, so do I, which is very true... and frankly, I'm not entirely sure what the other girl's excuse not to do this was. I think she said she worked as well, but I don't know for sure... and I reminded my friend that I have three other groups that I'm supposed to do work for, so I can't be doing all the work in this one.

I have no idea if my paper is going to be any good, but I really don't care, and it's only worth 5% of our grade, so I really really don't care.

There are a lot of things I don't care about right now, and then there are lots of things that I do care about, but I don't know what they are. Stupid, no? *sigh*

I feel so frustrated and confused and stressed and helpless. I hate this feeling.

About the only neat thing that's going on right now is that one of my friends from work is having me audition/actually do a part in this cartoon that he and another guy are drawing and trying to submit for a festival in September, so I think that is really amazing. I wouldn't be getting any money for it unless he got funding, but I don't care; I just think it's cool that he'd ask me, first of all, and that I might get a chance to do this, second of all.

I hate that a guy who may not even want to be with me can make me feel this way. I hate that I feel obligated to someone because they love me... I hate that people think I should feel obligated to them because they love me. I hate that people can make me feel like such shit for trying to move on with my life and live it the best way I know how. I hate that I do things that hurt people and I know that they will hurt people. I hate that I've been lying for the last several months. I hate that it feels like people don't care anymore, and I hate that I know that I deserve it. I hate that I've been crying so much, especially on Friday nights. I hate that I don't have any time, and I hate that I want more time and more money so that I can do what I want.

*sigh* I think I'll finish this now, and maybe try to do some other work.