I want to be wanted. I want to be loved. I want to be fucked.

I'm horny, I'm injured, I'm grumpy, I'm tired, I'm stressed, and school has been in session one whole week.

I feel like crap. I want that feeling to go away. I want to get back what I had.

I want to go out with someone who wants my company. I want to be important to someone. I want to be able to make someone happy, just by being around. I want to be able to cheer someone out of a bad mood. I want to put on this song (Lick, by Joi) and have crazy slow grinding techno sex. I could strip to this song. Not the best of songs to be listening to when you're horny, though.

I want to get beyond this point. I feel self-absorped and crappy. I didn't feel like this when the ex- and I were breaking up. I don't know why now is so different. I'm not bawling my eyes out the way I did then, or getting angry, but I think that's because there isn't someone in the picture that J is dating/fucking, like it was with the ex- (I'm going to have to come up with another name for that guy. It'll be like Prince -- "the guy formerly known as the ex-").

Scary class doesn't seem too bad. 15% each to two reading journals, a term paper at 30%, and then the final, into which we can bring out course reader and whatever scribbles we've made in it, at 40%. I think I'll be able to scrape out a C+, at least.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Can I please have my lobotomy now? I hate this. I really really hate this, and I don't know what to do to change it. FUCK!