I found these links off of I love bacon:

First of all, a giant elastic band machine gun...

Second, family action figures! I love that Mom's doll is an "amazingly awesome shopper!" Argh.

Third, the coin puss. I'd advise not looking at that link if you're at work, if you're being cautious about that kind of thing. Yuck. This is severely on my not-wish list for Christmas, and I mean that. Anyone that buys me this as a gag, I don't talk to anymore. :P

Anyhow, what else? Got my public relations midterm back, got 82.5% on that. I got my scary class reading log back (Theories of Communications, if you're keeping track), got 11/15 -- 73.3% on that, so I'm thrilled to pieces about that. Load of my mind and all... now I just have to start doing the readings again 'cause I have another two papers due for that class soon. Tomorrow I believe I may be getting the mark for my greek mythology midterm back, we'll have to wait and see; it's only been a week.

I know I haven't contributed much lately, and it's because there's been oddities on my mind that I don't really know how or even if I want to articulate. Life has been weird, and I'm learning that either I shoot my mouth off too much or people feel free to discuss what I've said... kinda frustrating.

I just realized I didn't complete a link in my previous post, so to anyone who was trying to read it, I apologize; it's fixed now, and you can read away.

It seems that I'm doing something right this semester, at least as far as work is concerned, which is good. I don't know how I've managed, since I've concluded that I'm really uninformed and very unintelligent, but hey... whatever works, right? Apparently faking it works for me. :P

Sorry, I am and I'm not feeling down on myself right now, I can't quite decide. I just had an idea of how things were going to work for me, or at least a vague hope or something, and it really hasn't been that way, which is unfortunate. At the same time, I've been having fun hanging out with people in various contexts and being exposed to new things... I'm hoping to keep trying to expand my horizons and see how that goes. Every now and then, I try to make sure I do something that I wouldn't normally do -- eat Vietnamese food with Ben, possibly go check out a workshop being run by the sex store I was in the other day, see a movie that I might not make my first choice, do some kind of exercise that isn't normally my thing, dye my hair a funky colour. :) It may not always be a succesful experience, but at least it's a new one, and it's something different from school and work.

I'm more philosophical about things now, even if sometimes I do blame myself, or wonder what I did wrong. Regardless of how much I might be told otherwise, there's still some part of my brain going, "Yeah, but..." Urgh. Having the interest of other people has helped, or sometimes fueled some frustration, but it's helped nonetheless. Sometimes I think people get the wrong impression of me: that I seem however on first impression, but when they date me or once they get to know me, it all goes pfft. I mean, how does the ex- or even UBFM perceive me in hindsight? Are they right? Have there been any of my relationships where I alone tanked it, or was it always him or both of us together? What if I'm just not meant for long-term? How could I have spent three long years with the UBFM and the way he treated me? Well, because I didn't see how he treated me until I was out... and had been out for awhile.

I used the ex- to get over UBFM (although there wasn't much left to get over by that time), then ultimately J- to get over the ex-. Used has the wrong connotations to it; I didn't use anyone, I genuinely wanted to be with each of them. They assisted the process, but they weren't used to do so. I don't want to use someone else, and for once I don't really have someone else on the horizon, which is actually fine by me. I think I'm really getting to know me and know others from a different perspective, and that's not a bad thing.

It sounds in some way like I'm still lamenting, and I don't want anyone thinking that. I'm not, not the way I was before. Sure, I still have the odd thought, but hey; I'm allowed. I don't mourn the end anymore, and maybe I'm in a better place. After all, as Di and I have both said numerous times, we're both too busy right now to have relationships. I'm focusing on school (kinda), and my friends, and work, to an extent. I know D from school is upset because I'm always working or in class when she and her crew invite me to go out, but... I don't know. Priorities, right? And I'm not really into the bar-hopping, drinking, dancing scene that is there, especially not every week or whatever. I try to be practical; if I have to get up at 9 the next morning (or earlier), I don't really want to be out until 1 or whatever the night before, especially since I still have to factor in the drive home, the removal or whatever trashy clothes and makeup were that evening's wear, and the winding down so I can sleep. I don't do well on little sleep; that's why I'm in the mood I am now, contemplative. :)

I borrowed Greg's copy of Stupid White Men Monday night, and I've been reading through it on the bus. I'd already started it in Chapters back when it was first released, I just haven't bought it yet because I've been waiting for it to come out in paperback. Reading through the sections on racism, and being presented with some forms of racism, however mild, always makes me paranoid that I might be unknowingly or unintentionally racist, or do racist things. I know how I mean my actions, and I know how I would perceive them on the receiving end, but I don't know how someone else might. Basically, I just try to treat everyone the same, and if I feel I may be speaking in ignorance, I either keep my mouth shut or try to preface everything carefully -- i.e. "I'm probably wrong, but I read..." or whatever seems to work. I hate describing someone I know as black or asian or anything like that; why is white considered to be the norm? Why do I need to differentiate? Well, I don't, unless I'm trying to describe someone's physique, and I hate doing it. I feel like I'm doing something wrong when I do it, and I don't know if I am or not.

Anyhow... time to go take this snuggle cat that's draped across my mouse arm and watch some tv. I might pad this out later, I might not. For now, it'll stand as is... if my mood picks up, I might work some more on Friday's article.

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