Some more thoughts...

It's funny how things can change between you and someone else. If you kiss a friend, it can totally change the dynamics of the friendship. All of a sudden it can be weird between you, or it can be ignored, or it can just be a pleasant memory. After you breakup with a boyfriend, or a fuck friend, same situation: you can be weird, ignored, or a pleasant (or horrible) memory. Of the intimate partners in my past, I still talk to or deal with five of them on a regular or semi-regular basis; only one of them do I have absolutely nothing to do with, and for those of you playing the home version of our game, that's UBFM, in spades. Or, as I've referred to him before: The Ex-, the Mark of the Beast, He Who Must Not Be Named, etc., etc., etc.

Funny how you can share yourself so intimately with someone, then wish so strongly that it had never happened; or that it could happen again and again.

I'm not sure I'm articulating what I'm thinking, but I guess it just amazes me that some people can stay so friendly with people they've slept with. I guess I've achieved in a few cases myself, but it's difficult. It's weird looking at someone you've had sex with, and thinking, "I've seen this person in the throes of an orgasm, at their most vulnerable... hell, I've caused that. I've brought this person incredible pleasure (hopefully), I've seen this person beg and plead, sweat and strain against me... This person has tasted me and been inside of me, and touched me everywhere, has brought me incredible pleasure, felt me naked against them and (in some cases), has made me scream. Now, I don't want to see this person again, or if I do, I want to have a projectile in my hand."

For those of you reading this that are more involved in my life than others, or think you are ;), no, I am not referring to anyone in particular, I'm merely musing.


Hmm. I think that's all I have to say on that subject, 'cause right now my brain feels empty of anything more to contribute. Guess it's a good thing I didn't try to turn that into a column, but it may appear later. ;)

Actually, what started that was more thinking about how your whole perception of someone can change in so short of a time. I guess in a way it's a bit of a phase shift, if I can use the term in that sense. You meet someone, you talk to them about something personal, either because you've been drinking or you're tired or it's late or the "stranger on the train phenomenon" or you just need someone to talk to, and suddenly, they're cast in a different light, whether that had been your intention or not. A bond is formed, and it can be awkward, especially if you weren't aiming for anything in particular, you were just going with how your mood was at the time, and now...

I was running behind this morning (yeah, yeah, shut up Mark), and I decided to try catching the express bus at a different location, for a different route. I got there, and the girl that was waiting at the stop told me I'd managed to miss it by two minutes (of course), and she started asking me about my schooling and we were talking about degrees and midterms and blah blah blah, and it was okay. We got on the bus, I read for awhile, then kinda napped, and I opened my eyes for about the third or fourth time a stop before my stop, and I sat up. At that point, it was near the end of the route, so there were few people left (maybe five in all), and she said to me that she thought she was going to have to wake me up (we were sitting on opposite sides of the bus, but both towards the back), and asked if I was getting off that stop or the next. I thought to myself, "well, it's nice you'd wake me up," but at the same time, I kinda wanted that connection to end when we got on the bus, the way normal bus stop conversation does. I've had people wake up me on the bus before; there's one gentlemen who occasionally rides the express home at the same time as I do, and he'll wake me up before my stop (sometimes; a few times I've slept past it, others I've gotten up on my own). I'm usually pretty good at waking up before my stop (when I worked at the animal hospital, I frequently woke up at my stop, but never past it), but I think in my experience most people have managed to wake me up long before my stop, and while the thought is appreciated, the cranky part of me that got woken up early is, well, cranky. :)

Yeah, yeah, most of me is cranky. :)

Saturday is the big Hallowe'en party, after the fact, but sounds like fun nonetheless. Still debating on the costume; I'll let you know how the decision goes. I might experiment to see if I can get my hair to do what I think I'd need to do for one costume idea (the cool one), or I'll just toss my hands up in the air and go with my original idea (the maybe sexy one). J's been saying that he isn't sure if he's going to go or not, and I hope he does -- and no, not because I might be dressing up sexy. :) Just because I'd like it if he were there.

No one's online right now, and I'm in the mood to chat. :P Ergh. (Ah, Jay just showed up. :) There are so many 'girl' things I never learned how to do -- like filing my nails. And now that I'm trying to grow them out, I'm never satisfied with how they look. I can never seem to file them the way I want; there's always some yuck underneath, or they end up weirdly shaped, or whatever. I've finally stopped biting them (for the most part), and I'm still growing out the dremmeled part from when I had the acrylics applied, so I'm blaming their fragility on that. Maybe tomorrow I'll finally apply some polish again.

Tomorrow's plans include perogies, trash tv, sleeping in, and getting some school reading done... and maybe write Friday's article, if I feel so inspired. Otherwise, it'll get written before and during class, like last time. :)

Anyhow, I think I'll end this here. I'm going to do some chatting and some computer mucking about, then go to bed. Later.

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