Maybe if I just hide away and never talk to anyone, I'll feel better.

I'm so tired. So tired of everything and all of it and feeling it and feeling and school and pressure and work and being here and being me and looking like me and feeling and thinking like me.

I'm tired of boring my friends with all my crap and misery. It's been over a month. Why can't I just suck it up and move on? Or be at peace with things, like the other couple I know that broke up a month ago? I mean, they were together for a few years... why has two months done this to me?

Maybe I really can't be single. I have friends like that and they don't seem to think there's anything wrong with it. Why do I have to be single?

Well, maybe because I have bad luck in choosing guys. *sigh*

I want everything to freeze in place so I can get everything done. I want everything to speed up and take me a few months from now so I can feel better.

I want to be done school and in another place. Maybe if I stop using ICQ and MSN and just not go out, things will improve.

I'd go out and have a one-night stand or hook up with someone just for some kicks, but it would be hollow and it would just make me feel like crap. Since I already feel like crap, why reinforce the situation?

I like being in love. Correction: I like being in love when it's working out. The alternative sucks balls, and I've felt like this too much in the last few years.

First, it was the ex-, now J. It's time to stop giving my heart. Period. Be the robot the coworker's accused me of, and stop feeling and crying and hurting and suffering.

Am I bleak enough yet? *sigh*

I think perhaps I'll take myself out for a drink tonight. Either that, or I'll slug around the house and do nothing, since I look like crap.

Fuck. Being me just sucks lately.

And yet, some people would argue I have it all. I'm not very in debt, I'm looked-after, I have a steady job (even if aspects of it are stressing me out lately), I'm in my final year of school, and yet... I just can't appreciate it.

Maybe I will once it's all gone. :P

Anyhow, time to get to work on the paper. Then try to do some more reading. Isn't my life a blast?

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