Thoughts from my head:

I much prefer discussing feminist precepts and concepts in my Women and Media class. There is, at least from my perception, an assumption of at least openness to, if not adherence to, feminist principles and precepts. Tonight, in Theories of CMN, there were women who seemed almost hostile to the concepts and ideals. The arrogant person in my head was busy condemning these people, thinking they were wrong. Maybe I was just tired and upset that the prof seemed to be dismissing or simply ignoring me.

I was thinking about hospitals today, and thinking of something Jay said earlier about buried memories, and I was doing this while feeling tired on the bus and the pieces all fell into place and *poof!*, a buried memory -- well, forgotten one -- surfaced:

I remember they day we were packing to leave Toronto from our band trip to MusicFest (yes, I'm a band geek, and no, there are no, "This one time... at band camp" stories :P), and Sara overpacked her bag or something, and when she went to pick it up, she threw out her back. I remember getting Stefan to come help, because he's a lifeguard and one of Sara's best friends and I thought he'd be more useful than me. I remember Keith, one of the band leaders, driving me to the hospital after the ambulance had taken her and seeing her in the curtained-off room. I remember having to explain to our band leader that there were a few things I'd need for Sara and trying to deal with it the best, least embarrassing way I could. I remember trying to help Sara get dressed, and feeling awkward and useless because I was a bit uncomfortable and didn't want to make her feel awkward and she was sick and hurting and I couldn't do anything to help. I wonder how I would have dealt with things now. Better, I sincerely hope.

I remember waiting in the hallway while she had x-rays taken, and she fell asleep from the painkillers they gave her and I fell asleep in the little waiting room while I was waiting and they had to nudge me awake.

We went to Canada's Wonderland afterwards, along with everyone else, and Sara and I just kinda slugged around and ate some junk food. When we boarded the bus for the ride home, some other girls had taken over our seats. When I moved their stuff back into their original seats, one of them came on as I was finishing and got monstrously bitchy at me for "throwing her stuff about."

I sat for awhile with R, watching Bram Stoker's Dracula, the one with Winona Ryder, and I fell asleep and awake briefly to see a scene of Ryder descending a staircase, heading toward a crypt (I believe), and she was wearing a sheer red gown, under which she was clearly naked.

The bus driver of the bus I'm on (well, was as I was originally writing this) just took a wrong turn, and this stupid women has made severeal comments reinforcing that point. She's sitting almost directly behind the driver, and the way she's acting, even now (waiting for him to make a left turn to get back on track), you'd think she had to be home to stop the imminent onset of WWIII. Okay, I exaggerate, but I still think a little patience and understanding can go a long way -- not that I'm especially displaying those same characteristics now.

The part that makes me laugh at her is that one of the comments she made was "you're gonna miss an awful lot of people... heh heh heh"... yet no one has gotten on or off the bus until well pas the point where we got back on track -- not until easily half-way along the route. Stupid cow. :)

Yesterday in Women and Media, we discussed abortion for a few minutes. It's the first time in awhile that that class made me het up; initially, pretty much all of the classes could -- particularly when we were looking at representations of women in advertising and such (shut up Jay ;)) -- but it's been awhile. My gf showed me her hands were shaking, and I felt somewhat jittery myself, although that may have been aided by my 11:30 a.m. 'snack' of a Kit Kat bar and a can of Coke.

I try to avoid abortion discussions, because... well, for all of the reasons you can think of and more. I'm pro-choice, and there is not a single thing anyone could say, do, or show me to change my mind. I respect that not everyone shares the same view, although they generally have the same strong stance on their position. I respect that others feel differently, and I do my damndest to avoid any discussions that might make it seem as if I'm trying to change their mind.

So, that said... one thing my gf said yesterday that struck me as somewhat vaguely hypocritical has stuck in my craw and I have to have it out on here. I know for a fact that when she and her bf started going out, over a year ago, their first time together was bareback, sans any form of protection, and they consequently had a slight pregnancy scare -- in the sense of, "boy, that was stupid, let's make sure you have a period." At that time, she was aware that if pregnant, the step she was going to more than likely take was an abortion. I don't judge that; if that's what she wants, all the more power to her, and I'd go with her if she wanted a friend there. That said, she said yesterday in class that she was "in theory against abortion" and somewhat used religion to explain it, and the contrast between the two just really kinda annoyed me. Like, you'll take a moral stance on things until you're in that situation where you might need to, in which case you'll go ahead and do it for yourself. Argh. If you're going to have a moral stance on something, stick to it. Or at least acknowledge that while on one level you're against it, on another you'd employ it if you needed to or something. I don't know. Just don't say you're against it and then change your morals to suit your needs.

I used to have discussions with the coworker about abortions, and I think he was upset that, had I gotten pregnant while he and I were together, I'd still have considered it as a serious option. I want to bear any children I might have with someone that I think is going to be in my life for a long time, and not just 'cause I fucked up and got pregnant with him. The coworker was not someone I saw myself with for any real length of time (in fact, I'm surprised it lasted as long as it did), and so I really didn't want to be having kids with him. He was trying to say that he was in favour of abortions for people who needed them, but the language he used in any kind of discussion of the topic -- killing the baby was a favourite phrase -- screamed out to me his actual thoughts on the matter. He tried to argue that at 21, I was able to take care of a child, that I had a job and whatnot and so it wouldn't totally upset my life to have one now... and frankly, I think that was a line of horseshit. I'm finishing up a degree, trying to build a life for myself and get myself on track; the last thing I needed at that point, or even at this one, is to find myself pregnant. I think it's fantastic and incredible and amazing that some women are able to raise a baby and get themselves going, but I know that now, I don't have the maturity or the interest to do the same. And frankly, I don't see him as a particularly good father figure; he has too much growing up himself to do. Plenty of people aren't ready at 30 or older to have kids, and I think it takes a real strength of character to be able to acknowledge that and not bring a dependent little person into the world. Other people are ready at 20 or 25 to have kids, and while that totally boggles my mind that they're ready at that point, I respect that and admire it.

Phew. There's a lot here today, including that post that Blogger didn't want to put up right away. I hope no one minds reading all this... mind you, I guess if you give up on it, I'm not exactly going to know. :) I realized when I was writing on the bus that I do an awful lot of editing on the fly when I sit at the computer and type things out; going back to insert phrases I want to use, correcting spelling mistakes, whatever. My little notebook is full of little carots and asterixes for phrases and thoughts I wanted to insert and forgot at the time. It's much easier to do on the computer. :)

I'm also finding that the more I write, the more I want to write and the more I have to say. My journal, my articles, my novel... they're all a great release when compared to my papers that I have to write for school. It's a good change, cathartic, after having to make and support solid points and be all prissy-languaged and whatnot when I'm writing for school. :)

On that note, I'm off to relax my brain for the evening. Tomorrow I'm going to try to get a head start on the Public Relations paper due Monday. *sigh* It'll end soon, I promise (that's a promise to me, not so much you guys). :)

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