More cleaning out of the hard drive:

SIGNS THAT YOU ARE TOO DRUNK:

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
3. Job is interfering with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5. Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
6. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
7. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
8. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence??- I thinknot!
9. Two hands and just one mouth...
10. You can focus better with one eye closed.
11. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
12. You fall off the floor...
13. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
14. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
15. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
16. At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
17. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
18. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed...hmmmm
19. The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
20. You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine,Alcohol,and [Women or Men].
21. Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
22. Roseanne looks good.
23. Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
24. That damned pink elephant followes you home.
25. I'm as jober as a sudge.
26. The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.
27. You wake up screaming "TORO TORO TORO!" in the middle of the night.

Appropriate considering last night. Or this afternoon. We'll see. :)