To open, my fish is mentally deficient.

He's had a life companion for the past *how* many months? And it was just this evening that he spotted him and has decided that Dr. Seuss must die. I don't know, maybe they had a fight while I was out, 'cause Dr. Seuss seems totally unconcerned with the fact that Storm wants to see him dead. Dr. Seuss is just staring at him, bored, while Storm alternates between completely flipping out at him, or turning his back and sulking... for about two seconds before he goes back to the fish equivalent of yelling swear words at him from behind a closed door.

Storm also tried to eat my finger this morning, so I think he's having a really off day.

I think perhaps cleaning the water was, in hind sight, a bad idea, 'cause now Storm's all freaked out and stupid. Dr. Seuss always gets stressed for a bit after I do anything; clean the water, move the tank, feed him... but that's why I adopted him. 'Cause he was sick and neurotic-looking.

I told Ben I want to have a whole bunch of them when I move out. :) Fish are fun, and I like having them next to my computer now; it's easier to feed them and they provide a great distraction from working at anything on the computer. :)

Maybe if I feed him, he'll stop being stupid. :)

And some writings from the other night and this evening, before I move on to updating My Novel.

Is how I am wrong? When I said that how I was online was how I am in person, my prof kinda laughed and said something like, "yeah, we get that impression." Yet, I didn't think I'd given away that much in this class.

It's funny how one joke, one comment, one laugh can make you question yourself.

But wait. Before you roll your eyes, before you grouch, before you yell at me, wait. I accept that not everyone likes who I am, maybe there should be some secrets -- and I do have them, believe it or not -- but this is how I am, and I'm okay with it. I've had more people tell me they like who I am and how I am than not, so that's all well and good.

I have ideas for things I'd like to do with this site. If anyone would like to help me redesign it, please contact me. We can talk kitty litter.

End of Friday's notes.

Side note: feeding Storm has not changed his termperament, he ate and now feels that he has the energy to kill Dr. Seuss, who still doesn't particularly care. I think he's like Strong Sad or Marvin the Paranoid Android; he feels he deserves to die, or something equally sad.

And tonight's notes:

Sitting in a bar, looking at the people around, is a lot more interesting than I previously gave it credit for. I guess it helps when you're there with a group of relative strangers, the feeling of being disconnected really gives your eyes and mind a chance to wander.

There are entertaining little vignettes that the eye catches -- the group of girls standing around, one on her cell phone, bobbing their heads and singing to "Sweet Home Alabama."

The table of girls acting out "Video Killed the Radio Star," one singing the lead, the other two waving their hands and singing the "whoas."

The rare pocket of thirtysomething year olds, standing on, conspicuous... especially when contrasted with all of the pretty young things, girls and boys, men and women, showing off their bodies and finery.

I feel judged, weighed, measured, and found wanting. Today I have a spent a long day at work, and I was not anticipating being out. Today I am feeling disconnected from those here, including myself. The last time I was here, it was the day after my birthday and I was drunk. I was freer, happier, in a different place.

I think I want to be loved again. I look at the pretty couples, nice and happy around me, and I want to be part of that crowd. I want into the club, to feel the closeness, the sharing, the sense of belonging.

Here I am, the girl in the shapeless grey sweater, hair falling heavily around my face, writing. I am the one creative a vignette of my own. I get to stand out.

End of bar notes.

Off to write some on the novel. Feel free to check it out, lemme know what you think.

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