Now, let me pre-empt this by saying that I'm against manipulation as a general rule. If you want something from me, tell me, don't try to trick me into doing or saying it. Unless we're in a long-term relationship and you want me to put out, then you can 'trick' me into doing it by getting me hot and bothered, in which case I'll probably wind up jumping you.
*cough* Sorry, brain side-tracked there.
Anyways, I do think that overt manipulation -- where both parties know damn well what's going on -- can be entertaining. I used to do this to Markuk on occasion, where I 'manipulate' him into staying late at work talking to me or what-have-you. No harm, no foul.
But in order to keep peace between the genders, at least in the realm of love and war, sometimes there is some subtle machinations that have to take place. I was saying that it was our way of evening the game out, since I feel men typically wind up holding all the cards in the relationship world. That said, there are times where I do sense I have the greater power in the relationship, and it bothers me... at the same time, feeling insecure and uncertain and off-balance is always horrible.
An edited version of our conversation follows:
Me: There is a certain level of comfort and security in knowing a guy likes you, even if you don't want to pursue it right then; I had that with GLR
Him: kind of unfair, ;-)
Me: Yup, but we let you guys hold most of the deck, so having one or two cards sometimes feels like just evening out the odds
Him: what is this 'guys hold the deck' BS?
Me: zomg, you guys have the deck completely stacked in your favour
Him: how so? no, really.
Him: and don't give me this 'we don't have periods o[r] babies' nonsense - I mean, relationship-wise. ;-)
Me: Oh, I wasn't going to play that angle, so shut up :)
Him: k, jokes aside - explanations, please. ;-)
Me: This would be slightly easier over the phone, but I'll see what I can do.
Me: Even in a great relationship, women have to play games in order to keep from scaring away men.
Me: It's bullshit, and I hate it, but we do it.
Me: If I was completely honest with [insert name of boy here], I'd have scared him away immediately after we met. And really, if a guy acted towards me the way I sort of wanted to act, I'd be terrified, too -- unless I felt the same way in return.
Me: We have to let you guys think that certain things are your idea -- monogamy in the relationship, sharing keys, moving in together, whatever -- otherwise, we're pushing for commitment or trying to move too quickly, or just crazy-marriage-baby-centric.
Him: k, fair enough.
Me: So even though I'd love to say to a boy, "Hey, I really like you, and I'd like it if we were just seeing each other," I'm not going to bring it up until he does.
Me: So, because I'm a paranoid twit and completely lacking in self-confidence, I'm going to have moments of wondering if he's seeing other people, until we have that conversation -- that he has to initiate.
Me: At the same time, I'm not going to feel guilty if I meet someone else for coffee, even though I'm not going to let it go beyond just casual hanging out, because I don't want to compromise things and I'm not interested in dating multiple people at the moment.
Me: Hell, I'm not even sure if I can go ahead and lean in and kiss him when I want to, lest I'm being too assuming or whatnot -- another game we have to try to play.
Me: Mind you, most guys seem to like forward girls and don't really object about them making first moves, but still...
Me: Can't seem too 'comfortable/girlfriendy' too early on -- although I might've been relatively open with him in some regards.
Him: yes, you're touching on the first rule of guy paranoia.... the fact that we guys have to make the first moves for everything.
Me: Yeah, I know
Him: especially annoying when we find you hard to read...
Me: And I feel bad, but really... I've only made the first move a few times.
Him: and has it ever backfired?
Me: I couldn't actually think of a time where I did the first kiss, so I did it with the last guy. Seemed to go okay, though the kiss itself was a bit of a letdown
Me: Don't think so; I'm fairly kissable. ;)
Him: lol - exactly! ;-)
As a rule, I don't like playing games, but realistically, I always am in a sense. I'm usually holding part of myself back until I'm comfortable and know that I can relax and act on my usual impulses/instincts. Although it's a good thing that I don't, as a rule, 'cause otherwise more people might be getting kisses when they don't want them! :)
Anyhow, time to get to the thesis proposal. I've already had a bit of my "oh my god I can't do this I'm going to fail and not only won't they let me have an MA, but they're also going to take away my BA" freakout, so I should be okay for the evening.
Once I turn this in, I plan on spending the rest of the weekend drunk. And then, once I get my other class paper turned in, I'll be spending the rest of the month drunk. It'll be a very merry Christmas for me!
I suppose in a way, I've always suspected I was short, but I was never really certain that was the case. I thought for awhile in high school that I was short, but I figured it was just a phase I was going through. A lot of people were experimenting with their height, so no one really noticed mine.
In university and beyond, it was more of the same story; short people, tall people, people who couldn’t make up their mind and were just ‘average’ – all over the place.
But yesterday at work, I was standing next to one of my coworkers, wearing my work shoes with their heels, and I realized that she was short. She complained that she was never going to wear flats again, and I told her that today I would wear my flattest shoes.
So today when I came in to work, I took off my boots with their big heels, and I put on my cheap canvas shoes with no heels, no cushioning, no padding. I was embracing my true identity as a short person.
Suddenly, my pants fit differently, and I have a different perspective on my coworkers. Just now, returning from lunch, I was standing next to two of them: a guy who stands a fair height, and a girl who’s taller than me to begin with, and also was wearing heels. And I felt short, and I felt good.
My name is Jen, and I’m short. And damn proud of it.
On another note, why is it that whenever I’m shopping, the sales clerks like to give me tips on dressing that invariably include the line, “and this cut/colour combination/style will lengthen you/make you look taller.” Okay, I can understand the “lengthen you” comment that translates to, “won’t make you look stumpy/dumpy/whatever” and that’s not a style of my body I’m trying to play up, but at the same time, I’m not trying to look taller. I wear heels sometimes because I like the way they look, but it’s not because I have a problem with being 5’2” and I’m trying to hide that. I don’t want to look squat, but I don’t care about trying to look tall. I’d rather just wear something that flatters me.
Which explains why I wear so many shapeless tops, especially in the winter. Man it’s tough to look attractive when you have to wear forty layers because you’re always freezing.
It somehow seems worse when you've just cleaned the toilet, too -- all that hard work down the drain, so to speak.
Boys are gross.
And yes, you guys do splash pee everywhere. Take something that changes the colour of your pee -- you'll see.
It's funny how defensive they can get about it, too. I'm sorry, but if I'm going to the bathroom after you and there's something on the front edge of the toilet -- or behind the lid -- then I know you've had some kind of splashing going on.
I went out last night and socialized with a bunch of friends. They were playing the game Guitar Hero II, which seemed kinda neat except for where most of the songs were unrecognizable to us. Instead, I mostly knit and talked to people. I got a backrub, which was very nice, and JJ said that I was very tight. I responded by saying that, "yes, I've been told that before." He then said that he was the only person in our group who wouldn't know, so I pinched him, which he said he deserved.
He also said later I was cranky. I'm not sure if I was cranky, but I was in a weird mood. I didn't want to be at home, but I sort of didn't want to be with the group in some ways.
Greg and Madeleine's little girl was being very social last night, which was cute. She seemed quite happy to see people, and was clapping her hands and grinning and making lots of noises. I was walking her around the house a bit, partly to give OFK a break and partly just 'cause it was fun.
In other news, the GLR and I ended. Ultimately, I think we weren't working as a couple, and that he need someone who is more or does more for him than I am or do. It was starting to feel like it might become a Smooshy situation -- where all I was hearing was how I didn't do x, y and z, completely disregarding that I did do a, b and c -- and I didn't want it to get to that point. But friendship is still on the cards.
It's been a bit of a crazy season, and I'm looking forward to things slowing down. I got through my presentation on Thursday, and it seemed to go okay. There were suggestions for improvements and questions about my statements, which was fine -- they did that to others as well. The only frustrating part was that my internet connection died and so I couldn't play any of the commercials I had, but oh well.
Next major hurdle is the thesis proposal. I have to refine the theory and rework it before I send it in on December 1st, and then I have the paper due for my class either December 7th or 11th. The original due date was the 7th, and I want to still aim for it so that I can relax for more of December, but knowing me, I'll be doing it at midnight on the 10th. :P
Today I'm going to be doing a bit of shopping with Mom and some Christmas shopping, so if there's something you want, speak up quickly! You can also call or text my cell phone, which I'll have with me. :)
Anyhow, time for food and shower. I'm starving and possibly grody. One of my kitties was giving me a nice backrub when I was talking to my mom on the phone, too -- I knew I kept them around for some reason.
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit &Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less.
2. Don't ask for money all the time.
3. Are easier to train.
4. Normally come when called.
5. Never ask to drive the car.
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.
7. Don't smoke or drink.
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions.
9. Don't want to wear your clothes.
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
I like airline humour:
Economy-Class Wednesday One-Liners
AirTran flight attendant over intercom: We hope you ladies and gentlemen had a nice flight, and we ask that you all press your faces against the windows so Delta can see what a full flight looks like.
Airline employee over loudspeaker: Last call for John Smith* to board flight 1234.
Airline loudspeaker, 10 minutes later: Seriously, last call for John Smith* for flight 1234.
Airline Loudspeaker, 10 more minutes later: Okay, John Smith, you know we love you, but the plane has to take off now!
Overheard by: Kim
Flight attendant: The captain has advised us that our flying time will be quick, at an altitude of high and a speed of fast.
Flight attendant: We do encounter bumps between the runway and the gate -- that's not my fault. It's not even the captain's fault. It's the asphalt.
Flight Attendant: Thank you for flying US Airways, and have a happy... happy... what the hell holiday is this? Columbus? Psssh, that ain't no holiday. Have a good week!
American Airline pilot: Ok guys, we're just waiting on some United dude to clear our tail so we can push.
--La Guardia Airport - about to take off
Overheard by: So K
Pilot flying into LaGuardia: If you look out the right side of the plane, you can see the beautiful, famous downtown skyline of Manhattan. [Pause.] And if you look out the left side... [pause, sighing] New Jersey.
Overheard by: mj kiran
via Overheard in New York, Nov 15, 2006
"Hi. This is the qmail-send program at yahoo.com.
I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses.
This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out."
I was watching the final episode of season four of Friends the other night, which is the one where Ross and Emily are getting married in England, and Rachel is flying in to tell Ross she loves him.
On the plane, she's telling her tale of woe to another passenger, and there's a guy sitting next to her who's being rude, but understandably so -- he doesn't want to listen, and in the end, he winds up telling her that he thinks she's being selfish and that they had been on a break.
At one point, he bites his fist at her, and I thought, 'Could that be Hugh Laurie?'
I check IMDb this morning when I finally remember, and sure enough, it is.
Now if only there was some way to parlay this dubious talent into money...
I'm going to be so glad to be finished with class.
I took on the planning of our group Christmas party this year, which wasn't too awful, since I don't take no guff from nobody. Okay, that's bull, but whatever.
I've also been stupidly tired for the last while. Even when I go to bed at a reasonable hour it seems like I still wake up zonked. As a consequence, I haven't been in the best of moods the last while, but I'm managing.
I went to see Borat last night with the GLR (who will be receiving a name change soon, since I was told that he wasn't the one who had signed as the GLR) and some of his friends. I was enjoying it in a "holy crap, I can't believe they just said/did that" kind of way until one particular scene that had me laughing so hard I was crying. Those of you who've seen the movie will know it -- those of you who haven't, well, you'll know it when it arrives.
I also knew I recognized his producer from somewhere -- the guy was in an episode of Gilmore Girls. Curse this useless brain!
Okay, time for shower and class. Whee.