Merry Christmas and happy other holidays, everyone!

(A picture of the kitties and us will hopefully be here later. For now, prepping for the next few days/hours of craziness must ensue).

With lots of additional love from ^..^ & ^..^

Canadian revenge:

This idiot's been parked at the end of our driveway for a few days. There's been an overnight parking ban in effect. I think most of this is the plow, but I don't think the DB made too much of an effort to avoid piling snow on his car as he shovelled our driveway.

I'm thinking of printing out the overnight parking regulations and leaving them on his windshield, just to rub it in a little.

Normally I don't care much at all about celebrities, but this is pretty upsetting:

Terry Pratchett has been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

I’m going to write something that’s going to come off as extremely arrogant, and there really doesn’t seem to be a better way to express it.

I’m a relatively intelligent person. This has its advantages and disadvantages, one of the chief among them being that sometimes, I smart myself out of doing things – like fad diets (for the most part; I did try South Beach for two weeks), or other potentially self-destructive actions.

One of these self-destructive actions happens to be passive-aggressive behaviour. It’s interesting when I can see myself contemplating something that I recognize to be passive-aggressive, and having to fight the urge to follow through with it. Sometimes, I’m successful – other times, I give in, even when I know the whole time that it’s stupid.

I know this would be more exciting with examples, but the best I can really do is something like not talking to someone because I’m mad at them, or doing something deliberately to upset someone – I really don’t have anything juicy to relate at this moment, unfortunately. It’s just something that came up recently where I was irrationally upset with the DB for something likely stupid and didn’t really speak to him for a few hours as a result. As a general rule, I will speak up when something upsets me, because I don’t want to let frustrations fester, and this is a behaviour I’ve been practicing for a number of years.

Other times, I bottle things up (hello, work!), and then get annoyed to pieces except when I vent to other coworkers. Case in point? If my boss announces to anyone one more time that I’m going to be the next person on our floor who’s pregnant (although that’s already passed, so hah!), I’m going to tell her… I don’t know what. One coworker said that I should tell her to stay out of my vajayjay, which then became my vajenjen. *sigh* I want to tell her that I/the DB is sterile, that we’re against children, that he’s Catholic and so doesn’t believe in sex before marriage… my mom pointed out that most religions are the same way, but I told her that since I’m not religious that it doesn’t really carry the same weight. Maybe I’ll just tell her I’m not having kids until after I’m married; given that she and her husband aren’t actually married (and she generally avoids calling him her husband as a consequence), maybe that’ll get her off the subject.

In other news, I’m actually completely and totally done my Christmas shopping. I’ve given my aunt the gifts for the Nova Scotia branch of the family, my mom has the gifts for my New Brunswick relatives (i.e., my nanny), the family gifts are at my parents’ place, and everything is purchased for the DB and his folks. I still have to finish the scarf for his mom, and I’d like to knit up something for his brother and sister-in-law, but that’s really it. If you’d like to receive a Christmas card (I have to mail out *something* on the 24th, after all!), feel free to contact me via email (litterboxjen at yahoo dot ca) to get a card. I have a selection of cat cards, and this year’s new acquisition (and theme, it seems): penguin cards. Oooh! I promise not to use your mailing address to sign you up for anything *too* awful.

I haven't the faintest what I did on Saturday, but I borked my ankle something nice. It looks fine, but feels horrid -- keeping it elevated is about the only thing that keeps it from aching (and even that, not all the time), and trying to straighten it or turn it to the side sucks. *sigh*

What did I do on Saturday? I got up at 10, ran around getting myself ready, had a massage for an hour, then went home and played video games all afternoon. Granted, I'm incompetent enough that I can get a sliver from dried chocolate, but seriously, a borked-out ankle from sitting on a couch all afternoon? It's about time to give up on my body, 'cause I think it's thrown in the towel.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about various relationship-related issues over the last few days. I had dinner with the AB the other night; it was the first time we'd seen each other in about 8 months. Oddly... the evening went fairly well, but it's left me with various memories and other thoughts over the last few days. Good memories, but... hrm.

Several months ago, the DB had a dream that I was cheating on him, and it bothered him when he woke up. Understandable; I've had some crappy dreams myself. Well, sometime last week, I had a dream that he was being hard-core pursued by a nursing student, who hated me because I was with him -- and he was considering leaving me for her (which he told me in the dream). Often when I wake up, he wakes up too, and so I shared this dream with him. His response? "Only one? Nursing students always travel in packs of four." Yeah, we have different methods of reassuring each other. :P

Although, to be honest, I'm the one regularly sticking my foot in my mouth. I had a cold last week, and now the DB's dealing with it. Coincidentally, the AB has a cold as well -- so I told DB last night that if it made him feel better, the AB had a cold too, and I was claiming responsibility. Apparently, telling your boyfriend that you're claiming responsibility for an ex-boyfriend's cold isn't all that reassuring. Who knew?

I have to admit, I'm impressed with myself a bit this year. I've managed to finish pretty much all of my Christmas shopping, and I spent time yesterday wrapping everything. I still have to pick up a gift card for the DB's father, finish the scarf I'm working on for the DB's mom, and get some keychains for my uncle, but I'm miles ahead of where I normally am this time of year. Many of the gifts that I'm giving people came from the two craft shows I went to (including the citrus sea salt that I bought for the DB and gave to him early). I don't feel that I have any real "wow" gift for the DB, but I'm just going to have to accept that I might not find something of the sort -- especially since he's being no help whatsoever for ideas ("I don't want anything; save the money you'd spend on my gift for our trip"). Ah well.

In other news, work is driving me insane, bit by bit. I make a practice of not discussing work on my blog so as to minimize any kinds of problems, but let's just drop one big hint that sort of summarizes things: one of my coworkers (who pulls shit like this daily), went into my boss' office, crying, because she disagreed with how I'd placed commas and hyphens in a document that she had originated and I'd edited for web-posting/completeness.

Oh, how I wish I were kidding... god, some days I seriously miss retail.

It takes a special person to give themselves a splinter from dried chocolate.

Fortunately for me, I am that special person.

Okay, so I'm finally moving out of this lethargy or depression or whatever you want to call it that I seemed to be experiencing for the last several months.

Ironically, I started this post some time ago and never really got around to finishing it.

What's there to say? Well, the DB and I have pretty much finished all of the unpacking and setting up that we're going to do. Most of my books (say, 97%) are in storage, which is frustrating, but saved time on unpacking. I got rid of a fair bit of stuff, though probably not as much as the DB might've liked, but whatever, I did what I was ready to do.

The kitties handled things fairly well, or at least as well as could be expected. I had them shut up in a room in the basement (yes, we now have multiple floors!), and I let Thena out to explore a little bit when the guys were packing up the DB's place. She was putting on a brave face, but stuck really close to her mommy and acted extremely sucky for the duration. Venus stuck her head in a corner, tried to hide in a little cubby area, and finally settled for hiding under the stairs and staying there as long as she could.

We gave them access to the house after everyone had left, and they spent most of the night under the bed. I woke up during the night to see Venus sleeping on the bed, which was encouraging, but she was back and hidden in the morning.

In the end, Venus ended up with a bladder infection, so the money that I 'saved' on my first month of cohabition and then some went into paying for her to get tested and treated. Fortunately, they love her at the vet, because she's so placid and freaked out when she's there that they don't have any difficulty doing horrible things to her (that visit: a urinalysis, which consists of a big needle in the bladder; x-rays, which means kitty has to be held on her side while loud noises go on; and an enema, which is just plain rude, no matter how you feel afterwards). Apparently when they picked her up after one of the tests, probably the x-rays, she rested her head on the person's shoulder, which is heart-melting no matter who you are.

Shortly after that, the DB's parents came to stay with us for a weekend, bringing with them a huge couch that belongs to Venus and took a lot of effort to get into the house, a coffee table and two end tables. The stress of that visit and commotion (which included the DB's uncle drunkenly yelling at Venus to come up and hang out with everyone) led to some problems as well, but nothing bladder-related. DB's mom was completely understanding; cat people are great. The DB's a cat person as well, but his patience with this stuff is shorter than mine. Ah well.

My folks came out to the house (which they'd seen the previous weekend) for a brunch with DB's folks. Everything went well, there was no bloodshed and everyone seemed to get along quite well. My parents took the opportunity to tell stories about how horrible I was as a child -- though they refrained from telling the ones involving poo -- and I think DB's folks did the same about him. It's since gotten back to me that my parents have talked to coworkers/my sister about the visit, and I guess they were impressed -- both at my culinary feats, though DB did most of the cooking that morning, and at the overall tidiness of the house. I was telling DB about this last night (since I only learned of some of it from my sister during our Christmas shopping expidition), and yadda yadda yadda, I think I now have permission to nag at him about stuff. And yes, I'm ashamed of myself for using a Seinfeld-ism.

Last weekend was the DB's work Christmas party, and pictures from that have yet to surface, but I hope shall soon. I saw at least one or two of us that were taken that looked quite nice -- of course, that's in miniature. Who knows what ridiculous faces I'll be making when the pics are seen full-sized?

I've been doing a lot -- a lot -- of thinking lately about relationships and people I've dated and such the last while, but I'm not going to relate it all here now. I think this is going to be long enough to test most people's tolerances as it is. I think in a lot of ways the internet and email and instant messenger programs frustrate the crap out of me. I've saved many past chat logs or letters or emails for various reasons, and sometimes if I happen upon them and read them, I wonder why I didn't speak up more forcefully? But when it comes to certain personality types or people, there's just no winning. I've dated the victim mentality types, and I've dated those who had the world on their side and nothing short of marriage would've sufficed (and still not won over the friends), and I've ... blah. I don't even know where I'm going with this, or what I'm trying to say. I guess the short version is that life isn't fair, people aren't always going to like you, and no one really wants to see that they have personality flaws that can contribute to the demise of a relationship -- myself included. I've acted well in the past, and I've acted poorly in the past. I can be an amazing girlfriend, and I can be a very remote, distant one. I'm not an ice queen by anyone's stretch of the imagination, but the very fact that I don't always act as emotional as some (i.e., Smooshy, drama queen extraordinaire), has meant that I've been incorrectly labeled as such (UBFM, Smooshy, coworker, to some extent the AB). The problem with me is that I can be determined (bull-headed, I think my mom has said), and sometimes, though not always, I will act in the way I best see fit, even if it means hurting people's feelings. If it's for the greater good of a friendship/relationship/person's sanity, sometimes it's better to hurt someone and move on.

I think; like I said, I don't know what I'm saying, and as always, I'm trying to cast myself in the best possible light. Is it a strength that I can admit to past misdeeds and learn from them, or is it a character flaw that I've acted poorly?

People bug me. Even my friends bug me at times. I dislike hypocrisy, and I dislike when people try to impose their life view on me. Just because you have chosen a particular path as the ideal one for you does not mean it will have the same benefits or results for me.

No, supervisor of mine, I will not be having children in the near future just because a) three women who work directly around me are pregnant; b) I'm living with someone of the male persuasion; c) our parents have met. It is not inevitable, particularly as I am well-acquainted with birth control, I can keep my knees together (shut up, it happens), I have no desire for children at this point in my life, the DB is in no rush to have children at this point in his life, we have not discussed having children together, and I'd rather like to be married for a little bit first, before I start having children.

I also do not view children as the ultimate by-product of my existence on this earth; if it should happen to pass that I or my future spouse are sterile, then so be it. I refuse to feel like I'm less of a person because of it. I do not view children as a miracle, I view them as a product of biology. We are, as a species, meant to reproduce. It's something our bodies were designed to do, much like bleed, breathe, sleep, run, walk, pee, shit, fart, and so on. Granted, I don't equate having kids with peeing (FSM save me if I give birth as often as I pee), but having had several women liken childbirth to taking a giant poop, well... it's hard not to draw a comparison somewhere.

As a general rule, any two idiots can create a child together. I've known many idiots who have. It takes a real person to be a good parent -- and I've known many of those, too.

Just because I have a uterus does not mean that my destiny is to have children. That is my choice, and the choice of my future spouse's, and is no one's business but our own. And I just know that this person is someone whose head would more or less explode if I sat down some day and explained that I would never be having children, if that was the choice I made. Again, it's no one's business but my own, and it shouldn't be a conversation I have to have with a supervisor at work unless it's to say that in x number of months I'll be needing maternity leave, but if it comes to pass... I'll just get the "you'll change your mind" speech that will make my blood boil, I'm sure.

Some of this is coming about because two different friends/acquaintances have recently discussed having themselves surgically sterilized to combat problems they've been having for years with regards to their reproductive organs. And I thought about it last night and thought how unfair it is to have to make that decision at what constitutes a relatively young age (they're both around 24, if memory serves), and how unlikely it is that a man would ever have to opt to be sterilized to address a problem he'd been having with his reproductive tract. Yes, girl parts, in and out, are much more complicated on the whole than boy parts, but boy parts are also much more researched and studied and understood. It wasn't that long ago that science assumed that women were basically men turned inside out.

Anyhow, this stream of consciousness has been brought to you by my cold (and lack of cold medication), and I think I'll end it here before I start babbling about how unfair it is that some of the seats on the bus are too high for my feet to touch the ground, so any sharp turns result in a rather precarious bracing exercise for me, especially if I'm in an outside seat. But I do enjoy busing again, because I get to read once more.

Incoherence, ho!

Also, it's really nice to look at a moderately healthy bank balance and realize that all of that money is actually yours, because you've already set aside the money you need for rent, and don't have to worry about surviving for two weeks on the leftover. Take that, old expensive noisy apartment!

Finally (I promise, I really am leaving soon -- all of this babbling has really made me have to pee, never mind the large coffee I drank before starting this), I thought moving to the suburbs meant a leave from noisy neighbours and ridiculous parties. The DB and I were woken a few weekends ago at 4 a.m. by the neighbours across the street having a brawl that included someone chasing another with a 2x4. I'm pretty sure I've heard them many times since, and I have to wonder if they aren't frat guys sharing a rental space. Ah well, that was a few weeks ago, and there haven't been problems since, *knock wood*.

I had dreams last night about two different exes. That was a strange coincidence, and neither of the dreams was especially welcome.

ETA: Neither of the dreams was erotic or sexual, just the exes featured in the dreams were not the ones of whom I have a lot of fond memories. Some of the Smooshy, none of the coworker -- if you wanted to know about whom I was speaking.

Dear Internets:

Once again, I have caught up with you. Please, do not update anything for a little while so that I can rest once more.

Thank you,
jen

Okay, I have many things I want to write about/relate that I do plan on writing/relating, but right now, there's one particular feeling that's overriding it all:

I hate people.

Good news and bad news all around, but the good news is twofold now:

1. Got into the competition for the job promotion at work, so that's a first step.

2. Got the townhouse we applied for, and I'm moving at the end of the month.

So many things to arrange over the next while, including getting rid of a tonne of my crap...

Well, that's just frustrating. I've just spent the last few weeks working on a new template for my blog, only to find that there is an updated version of this template that I could use that would incorporate some of the changes I want to make.

Ah well, at least it's been good practice with the stupid CSS, and I've learned important lessons, like if, in the process of going back and forth between Dreamweaver and the Blogger template preview, you somehow manage to copy-and-paste your code so it appears twice in the same file, it'll be very difficult to get your page to display properly, and it may even appear twice on the page, leading to some vast confusion on your part. That will also explain why some of the CSS appears twice, and why it doesn't seem to disappear, even if you've removed a whole bunch of the classes.

What else? Nothing much exciting comes to mind at the moment, or at least nothing I'm willing to commit to at the moment. ;) For now, I'm going back to the template, and it may even be up before many of you make it to this post. :)

Good God, I seem to keep going a long time between updates. Urgh.

Partly it's because I don't have a lot of new and exciting things to complain or talk about; really, my life is fairly routine at the moment. I go to work, I hang out with the Dear Boyfriend, I sometimes see friends (who also seem to all be hiding out with their Dear Significant Others, or they hate me, your choice as to which), I stress about not doing anything for school, I try to exercise, and I poke the kitties.

I have gotten addicted to The L Word, so my path to becoming a lesbian is pretty set, and I have finally gotten my hands on ichaseboys.com and whoresboudoir.com as my own, personal, I own all the rights and you can't have them fucker URLs, so that's kinda nice. The hosting company Gord had originally purchased them through is a bunch of useless fucking asshole bastards, so I don't recommend you use them, and if I was at work where I had the contact information, you'd better believe that I'd be posting it all over this site right now. But I don't, and my memory sucks, so I just get to rail about it.

DB switched gyms the other day (finally), and we checked out the facility he's most likely going to be using at the same time. It has a women's-only section, as well as the co-ed area, and I was telling him I was tempted to keep working out in the co-ed section, as opposed to my quickie one, because no women were there. I'd also pointed out to him that he was the smallest guy in the place, because I'm nice that way. This is partly because DB stands 5'9" and weighs, according to the scales that he stood on while we were there, 135lbs. Me, on the other hand, I stand 5'2" (yeah, I'm wee and I like it), and according to the scales, weigh 160lbs... so it's time to kill myself.

*sigh*

I did a run that night, and while it started out sucking a bit, I was able to find my rhythm and go at a steady pace and a decent length of time. Including the 5-minute cooldown, some of which is still done while running, I went for 28 minutes, and covered about 2.2 miles -- which isn't exactly fast, but it was a pace I was able to maintain, and I'm happy about it. DB wants me to be able to participate in the 5km run for the cure run with him, but we aren't exactly doing much in the way of training to get to that point. Thursday's run was the second for me that week though, so I'm doing okay -- just need to get out more. Story of my life.

Anyhow, I need to grab a shower and get moving on the day (also story of my life), as I have to meet DB for lunch and steal his car for errands. Apparently the kitties get upset when they don't have litter to do track around my apartment.

Everyone go learn how to Jennif.

Updated the Whore's Boudoir.

And here I am, another year older (and a few days). What has the last year brought us? Several failed relationships, some more debt, some more mileage on the bike, some schoolwork (and subsequent ignored schoolwork), some work stress... all in all, another year in general.

I was trying to remember where I was this time last year, and it involved the Newf and my unwilling abstinence. From there I dated the AB, then the car boy who disappeared, then the AB, then the French Boy. And now? Well, now I'm dating the Dear Boyfriend, a guy who snuck completely under my radar and yet seems quite right for me. Who would've thunk it?

And just because I won't remember to post this later:



I thought it was Sunday this morning when I woke up. Very depressing to learn otherwise. Also, having your cat lick inside your nose to say she loves you is sweet, but ultimately very gross.

I saw SuperBad with the Dear Boyfriend on Saturday, and I bought a new helmet that same morning. It's white with purple and blue and has butterflies on it. It's rather girly, and that's why I got it.

I also horrified some pre-teen kids at this petting zoo setup on Sunday by telling Dear Boyfriend about JJ's tales of goat castration; apparently they scream like people when you do it, which makes it fairly disturbing. Warping young minds, that's me.

OMG ponies. In my next life, I'm totally coming back as an otter, and I will be irresistible.

Found via Cute Overload.

In the annual Bulwer-Lytton contest for deliberately bad writing, Bob Millar of Sweden won in the detective category with, "I'd been tailing this guy for over an hour while he tried every trick in the book to lose me: going down side streets, doubling back, suddenly veering into shop doorways, jumping out again, crossing the street, looking for somewhere to make the drop, and I was going to be there when he did it because his disguise as a postman didn't have me fooled for a minute."

One from June (see, I promised I was writing!):

Tuesday night, I apparently snored for a bit (it happens; I’m usually just a very loud breather), and talked about something, sounding rather annoyed or angry.

Last night, Thena was in a pissy mood and kept growling when I tried to pat her before sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Dear Boyfriend awoke and was speaking to me about something that of course I can’t remember now; at the time, it made sense, except for the middle part, which I kept having him repeat. I think I eventually realized he was demented and just went back to sleep.

We had our annual work BBQ today, and because he had the day off and lives nearish my work (actually, my work is pretty much right between our places), I invited him to join. When I say work BBQ, I mean the entire building is part of this – over 500 people – and people often have their significant others and children join in, because there are always games and other activities planned.

He readily agreed, and we spent the time walking around and talking. I was actually shocked that he was not only willing to come, but did so and really seemed to enjoy my company -- which goes to say something pretty telling about some of my ex-boyfriends.

And, clearing out the archives, a post from May:

Quickly, because I don't have the time or brain for a proper, full-length update:

I have a new temporary roommate. I'm nervous about it, because I've never lived with anyone else before and I know how fussy I can get about some things (and completely uncaring about others), but we'll see how it goes. It's only for 2, maybe 3 months at worst, so it really shouldn't be that awful.

I'm a mean mom and tossed out a bunch of cardboard boxes that Venus liked to hide behind. She still hides in the same location, but it doesn't seem to be nearly as effective.

I saw Pirates 3 on the weekend. Didn't stay through the credits, but I found a clip of the scene at the end, and I found discussion on what it means. Be warned, the movie is long -- including the five million commercials and trailers we saw, it ends up running 3 hours. It's also somewhat confusing, and feels like it's lacking some of the character that really helped set the tone for the first movie, and somewhat for the second, too.

I saw Shrek 3 last weekend, disappointing as well. I liked some of the musical touches -- Danse Macabre, "One" from A Chorus Line, the original Snow White song, "My Favourite Things," but overall... eh.

I watched Epic Movie with R and N. Not a good movie, which was about what I expected. Possibly slightly better than Date Movie, but not by too much.

Dear Internets,

This is pretty awkward -- it's been so long, I don't really know what to say. I've wanted to write, many times, but I just kept getting tongue-tied, or distracted, and then the moment was lost.

I've missed you, I really have. You were always there for me, through so much, and I feel like such a jerk for abandoning you like I have. Please don't think you haven't been on my mind, because you have been.

It's just... it's just hard. See, I want to talk to you about work, but I've always made a policy about keeping you and work separate. It's not fair of me to only complain to you about my job, when I know that you aren't really full-time and so it would only seem like bragging or something.

Then, well, then I wanted to tell you about this guy I've been seeing, but again, I didn't want it to seem like bragging. I like him, internet, I really do, and as much as I'd like to write all kinds of details about him, I don't want to be all creepy about it. Suffice it to say, he's a good guy, he makes me laugh, and we're happy together. I'll share photos soon, I promise.

Finally, the cats. Oh, the cats and how they amuse me, as always. Recently, Venus was trying to knead her paws on me (otherwise known as giving me a belly massage, or a butt massage, depending on where she's pressing) during a fairly private moment. She then settled down, half on me and half on the bed, quite content with her lot in life. I think she was a bit upset when I dislodged her, but really, what should I have done?

The girls made me laugh another day, but of course I can't remember the reason at the moment. I do know that having a cat attack your head from your headboard right as you're winding down from a good orgasm is a tad distracting, but really, who hasn't been there?

I threatened to lock Venus in the spare bedroom last night if she didn't let me sleep, and I think the threat took -- she was quiet, and we slept the night away, undisturbed. It was quite lovely, really.

Otherwise, what to say? I accompanied the Dear Boyfriend to his brother's wedding in Toronto a few weeks ago. It was a bit of an all-over-the-place trip; I spent a few days with him and his parents in his hometown (I'd met them before, don't worry), then we spent a night with a cousin of his and the cousin's family, and then it was off to Toronto for the wedding and other associated festivities. Dear Boyfriend's family really knows how to party, and they're very warm and friendly people -- they quite liked me, or seemed to, even the ones who had never met me before. They'd apparently already figured out who I was though, and several took the time to tell me they already had my wedding scheduled. Dear Boyfriend said they were doing the same or similar to him even when he wasn't dating anyone, but I still chose to take it in a positive light. :)

Aside from Dear Boyfriend's massive alcohol intake and subsequent ensuing toilet-hugging, the week away was quite nice. We wrapped everything up with a trip to Wonderland on the Monday, organized by the bride and groom. In all of my previous visits to Wonderland (and there've been a fair number), I've always been hesitant to go on any of the big rides, because I really dislike the plummeting feeling I get in my stomach on anything with a big hill. This trip, I went on every major rollercoaster except the Bat (which none of us went on), and DropZone (which I vetoed completely, and Dear Boyfriend let me get away with that). Top Gun, the first coaster of the day, was the worst one, and DragonFyre was fun except for when it bashed my ears up at the end of the trip and made my still-healing piercing bleed.

Many of the new rides have cameras facing on each set of seats, and the video for us on Vortex shows Dear Boyfriend looking over at me, realizing I have my eyes closed, and laughing. He didn't seem to realize until that point -- in the afternoon, I might add -- I had been doing all of the rides with my eyes closed. I did open them for brief moments on a few, and I had them open for about half of DragonFyre. He was busy telling me each point we were going through, and when he mentioned we were on the first corkscrew, I decided to open my eyes -- to discover we were upside down. I yelled a bit about that, but wasn't actually upset, just was having fun. Being upside down doesn't bother me; it's the deep valleys that does. So, the next trip will involve coaxing me to ride with my eyes open, I believe he's decided.

There are a few more possible trips in our future; he has tickets to a football game in Buffalo in the fall, which would entail a trip to and stay in Niagara, and a friend of his is getting married in Vegas next summer... plus there's the trip to some tropical southern location in March with one of his cousins here in the city, and that's something else to eagerly anticipate. We're also figuring on a trip to Montreal at some point, but without a clear date in mind; I want to show him the Biosphere at the least. Yay, penguins!

I made friends with a butterfly at the science centre in his hometown; it flew on to my map, and I carried it around for a good five minutes or so before it decided it had had enough. I felt honoured. :)

I've also been watching a lot of wedding-themed shows lately; damn you, Slice network. Party Mamas just makes me homicidal at the sense of entitlement of the mothers and daughters on the show -- I want to smack the lot of them. There was one episode with a woman throwing a circus-themed bat mitzvah party for her daughter that just seemed to play into almost every Jewish stereotype I've heard about... made me want to pull my hair out.

Why do I watch shows that make me mental? Because I'm an idiot, and it gives me someplace to channel my frustration. Of course, I went to a yoga/pilates course last night to try to channel those frustrations and release them, so maybe watching those shows isn't the best of ideas for me.

I've gotten somewhat frustrated at some of the presumptions of people, and some of them may recognize themselves in this post and for that I apologize, but I need content, and I need to vent:

• Just because I have a motorcycle does not mean I'm going to let you ride bitch.


• Corollary: just because you have a motorcycle license and need to practice riding does not mean I'm going to let you ride my bike.


• Corollary the second: just because you have a motorcycle license does not mean I'm going to let you ride my bike.

There are so many reasons that the above frustrates me, but the major part that I have to question is simply why people would presume the above. Why would someone assume I'd let them learn how to ride on my bike? Why would someone assume I'd give them my keys to let them ride my bike? Why do people assume I'll let them ride bitch on the back of my bike? Seriously, why? Is it just me that would think to ask, 'hey, do you take passengers?' instead of 'when do I get to ride on your bike?' Maybe not, maybe I'm just making stuff up. But to the people who don't have experience, or don't have experience with larger bikes (not that mine's huge, but...), why would you think I'd be willing to just hand over my keys and wave you on your way? I've got a fairly serious amount of money invested in this bike, and not just the purchase price, but the insurance as well (which, over the three-year span I'll have paid it, will amount to the same as what I paid for my bike now), and this is the first motor vehicle I've owned... I'd never assume I could borrow someone else's bike, and I have experience! Argh.

Okay, rant over for now. Moving on.

And to wrap up, a reason why I'm fun to have at a party: because when someone points out that one of my nipples is hard and visible through my quite-thin t-shirt, rather than get upset about it or try to hide, I start pinching and pulling at the other one so as to have a matched set. The damn things get hard in a stiff breeze -- it's a hell of a lot easier to get both hard than convince one to soften.

Anyhow internet, I really should log off; I don't even know if you're going to read this far, but if you do, I guess you get the payoff of reading about my nipples. Yay you, huh? I just want to wrap up by reminding you that I do love you and miss you, and I promise to make more efforts to keep in touch more. Okay?

Take care,
jen x

I was watching Robot Chicken today, and in one of their clips they equated The Core, which my friend Jay worked on, to terrorism. I'm way too amused by that.

I also cracked my trainer up today. Yesterday he told the desk clerk that he's used to candid answers from me, so today when he asked how I was doing, I said conflicted. He asked me, "conflicted?", so I told him that on the one hand, driving a motor vehicle around my city makes me homicidal, but on the other hand, I was wearing my underwear that had chickens on it and said "puk puk," and that amused me, so I was in a good mood.

He dropped his water bottle and bent over, laughing. I like making people laugh, especially if it's from saying something completely unexpected.

Although people are starting to expect the unexpected from me, so sometimes it gets harder to surprise them.

In other news, Dear Boyfriend told me yesterday that his aunt told his cousin's girlfriend that she adores me, and they both agreed that I talk a lot -- or that one doesn't have to worry about conversation when I'm around. Dear Boyfriend told me that it's not a bad thing, that I don't have to be self-conscious about it (as I am about everything), and told his folks and family that I come by it naturally, via my father (which is true).

I've been told that the brother's soon-to-be-wife, a Newf, is impossible to out-talk; I've also been told that the brother is even more quiet than Dear Boyfriend (who can get chatty, just apparently not so much with the family). I said that, as the brother is quieter, he had to date a Newf to balance him out, whereas Dear Boyfriend only had to go to a bluenoser. :)

From Fark.com:

I hope you change your mind soon. Our alliance with the spider kingdom depends on their perceived dominance of us over them. Remember our agreement with the spiders:

Spiders are free to live with man and eat the insects in our homes as long as they are never seen. Should a spider ever make itself visible to man, it has broken the agreement and must be killed.

Anyone up for a day showing of the new Harry Potter movie on Friday? I have the day off and Dear Boyfriend isn't interested in seeing it with me.

Ridiculous things I obsess over #196:

I have a mole/beauty mark on my face. You may have seen or noticed it in pictures. I happen to like it, and it represents a part of my face that I'm fairly used to.

Well, a few weeks ago I had a pimple or something under it, which of course I couldn't leave alone. I have problems; I think that much is obvious. Anyways, it ended up scabbing, I scratched at it a few times, and now, the mole is pretty much gone, aside from some pink/redness where everything is still healing.

For about two weeks or more (I heal slowly), I've been stressing about whether or not this mole will grow back. I like having it, I want to still have it, and I'm worried I won't have it anymore.

Yet I'm not really worried about my unpaid bills or school (okay, that one's a lie). I'm worried about a stupid mole on my face. :P

I may be losing my mind, but at least I have the comfort of knowing I'll have food and entertainment: I was just getting some pizza out of the fridge for a quick bite before I take off, and I discovered my cable box remote on the kitchen counter. I have no memory of bringing it in there, and I have no idea why I did. As I said, at least I'll have food and entertainment when I go.

I just riffed off some stuff that the FB, the ex- wrote in an email to me about relationships and dating, and I think it actually turned out fairly well. It includes a few details relevant to the dating history he and I had, but isn't particularly revealing or personal, so I'm leaving them in. It was also written government email account to government email account, so there's a lack of my usual tongue-in-cheek sauciness. ;) So, in a few rambling paragraphs, here is the nutshell version of my thoughts on relationships and dating:

I'm not sure it matters how people in general define relationships; it's how you and the person you're seeing define what you have going on. There are so many different grey areas in dating, which I know you hate, but it's a fact of life. What matters is the understanding that you two have, and where the boundaries for each of you are drawn; if that involves other people, so be it. If it doesn't, well, that has to be spelled out and acknowledged at some point. However, as I said to you when we were dating, though I understood where you were coming from with not wanting to kiss me if you knew I might be kissing someone else, it's also extremely unrealistic to have that sort of expectation so early on in a dating relationship. Unless it's otherwise stated, or until the lines are drawn, if I'm just dating someone, I assume they're seeing other people and I feel at liberty to do the same. It doesn't have to be talked about, and in fact can make for uncomfortable conversation if it does come up, but unless the physical or emotional progression dictates boundary-drawing time, it's all free.

As for whether one person can fill all the expectations... it's a priority system of sorts. You said before what your priorities/requirements were, though I don't entirely remember them all, barring the caucasian point and possibly wanting children, and if those are important to you, then they stay on the list. But you negotiate with yourself as you date and meet new people; once upon a time, I might've preferred to date someone who made more money than me (back in the days when I made under the poverty line) or whatever; now I don't care, provided he's working someone stable, sustainable and enjoys what he's doing, and it's above minimum wage. But that also factors into me liking guys who are intelligent and have at least a partial drive; few of those are still working McJobs at my age.

Ultimately, if you're not satisfied with the person you're dating, that's going to reflect in your interactions with them, and will cause problems. If someone is lacking in something that's important to you, then you have to either address it or move on. If you're able to compromise or can recognize that the fact that they're blonde instead of brunette (for example) really isn't that big of a deal, then... *shrug* You stand a chance.

Well, I'm sure you've noticed I haven't exactly been updating a lot lately. I can't really explain why... there's been a lot of things I've wanted to write about, but somehow when I have the time I don't have the inclination -- or I seem to get ... not paralyzed, but I'm just not as apt as I usually am to sit down and write.

There've been a number of things I've been slacking at, not limited to cleaning, schoolwork, dealing with the little errands that have to be dealt with (note to self: buy toilet paper), but I don't have a really good excuse for it.

I haven't even been running a lot lately, partly because a few weeks ago I tripped and fell leaving my apartment, and managed to injure my foot and bruise my tailbone. Oh yes, I am the picture of grace and gentility. The saddest part? It hurts my bum when I sneeze. Not that I'm pathetic or anything.

Digger seems to be returning to himself; I haven't heard anything in awhile one way or another from the folks. The vet did put him on some anti-inflammatories again, after the antibiotics and first round of anti-inflammatories ended, but he seemed back to himself even before that. Poor tortured man...

I saw Carl's request for the 8 things about me bit, and part of my difficulty in posting the last while has been trying to come up with 8 things to say that you guys don't already know. I did realize I could use parts of another post I was going to make, so I think I can fulfill the request:

1. Whenever I pass roadkill, I have to try to identify what animal it is/was. I don't know why.
2. I find men's wristwatches -- the big, heavy ones with the silver wristbands -- to be really sexy to see on a man's wrist. Granted, it helps if the guy has nice wrists to start (and no, I couldn't identify what constitutes a 'nice wrist' -- though it helps if the guy isn't paler than me).
3. I find ankle bracelets really sexy, and I love wearing them, but feel that there isn't much point with my tattoo.
4. I don't care much about diamonds, and don't do flashy jewelry.
5. I have a 4ft tall teddy bear named Paws that my aunt (my dad's sister) made me for my first Christmas. I slept on him until I was about 15-16, and still do sometimes when I'm having a really bad night or simply can't sleep.
6. As a corollary to that one, I also used to believe that if I was crying about something (loss of a pet, loss of a boyfriend, hurt by a friend, etc.), everything would be okay if all of my tears landed on Paws.
7. I consider one of my more embarrassing moments to be the time I was drunk and peed in a park.
8. Regardless of how readily I remember someone or some fact about them, I'm always surprised when someone remembers me or details about me.

I'll challenge those of you who are still checking this site to reply in kind. :)

I've also noticed an annoying trend as I drive around town -- very few people seem inclined to use their turn signals when they're doing maneuvers. This makes me very annoyed, and friends/ex-boyfriends can attest to the fact that I've nagged people about this in the past. I've also been mocked for signalling turns in parking lots at 2 in the morning, but I don't care -- I figure if you start slacking about when you signal your turns 'when it doesn't matter', then you're likely to slack on signalling turns when it does.

I have some thoughts on friendships and difficult friends that I want to share at some point, but I have to get off my lazy butt and go out for exercise. I've set a goal that's theoretically realistic, but since I am a lazy lazy mess, it becomes less so.

I also need to go shopping for a dress in the next while... anyone interested in accompanying me? :) The boy would probably be willing, but I've told him I'm interested in surprising him.

Yes, there is a boy -- another reason for my lack of computer time the last while. Been dating for some time, it's going well... he's a good guy. We have a similar sense of humour, we have a decent number of interests in common, and we complement one another, I think. He's much more quiet than I am; I know, I know, big surprise. I hear that a lot. :P Anyhow, in some ways I'm more energetic than he is, and in other ways, he's much more energetic than I -- he's athletic and has been for most of his life. But he also acts on things, which I like. We discuss potential ideas for plans, like ballroom dancing lessons, and then they happen. I like this about him, and it presents a big difference from some past relationships I've had. That's not to say that we don't have our lazy, sluggish days, but we have active ones, too.

I had coffee with FB, the ex-boyfriend a little while ago. It went fairly well; I left feeling decent about the event, instead of the frustrated feeling I'd had going in. He'd made a comment in an email exchange about how he'd like to be able to hang out with me without having to lie to people -- it turns out that he's started seeing someone new, and didn't want to or couldn't tell her about me; he said that he'd had issues with me hanging out with some of my exes, or having them in my life, especially since he's the type to cut bait once a relationship is over. The AB factored into one particular 'memorable' occasion that helped feed into why I ended things. I made fun of him a bit for that, and told him not to assume everyone's like him.

Personally, I think it's a bit better to be honest with your SO about things like that -- otherwise, it makes it look worse than it is. I remember the Smooshy used to have lunch periodically with his ex-gf, and I always knew when he'd done it, because he'd tell me he'd been out for lunch, but wouldn't say who with until I pressed him. I was never upset about it, but I did tell him several times that his hiding it made it seem as though there was something to be upset about. That and the fact that he had a pair of her underwear (that she'd left behind and he'd washed for her, but kept 'forgetting' to return to her -- yet somehow this underwear was at my place and stayed there the entire time he was 'living with me' (in quotes because of the lack of financial support he provided)) made me have some suspicions, but I figured he was too much of a Smoosh to cheat on me, so I was never actually that concerned.

Ah well... this has rambled on even more than when I originally posted it, and I do want to get out for a bit, so I'll leave off here. Rest assured, there will be more than enough details about the boy in future posts. ;)

I promise, there will be a real update later today. In the meantime, enjoy the lyric post.

I don't really have a reason why this song amuses me so, but it might just be because of the call-and-answer aspect (no pun intended), which I often like in music.

The Telephone Hour, from Bye Bye Birdie:

Hi, Nancy!
-Hi, Helen!
What's the story, morning glory?
What's tale, nightingale?
-Tell me quick about Hugo and Kim!
-Hi, Margie!
-Hi, Alice!
What's the story, morning glory?
-What's the word, humming bird?
-Have you heard about Hugo and Kim?
Did they really get pinned?
Did she kiss him and cry?
Did he pin the pin on?
Or was he too shy?
Well, I heard they got pinned
-Yeah! Yeah!
I was hopin' they would!
- Oho!
Now they're livin' at last,
Goin' steady for good!
-Hello, Mister Henkel, this is Harvey Johnson,
Can I speak to Penelope Ann?
-Is it true about Kim?
-Penelope!
-I just knew it somehow
-About the ball...
-I must call her right up!
-Saturday
-I can't talk to you now!
Goin' steady,
You know it
Goin' steady,
Man, it's crazy, man!
Goin' steady,
You know it,
-It won't last!
-Not at all!
-He's too thin!
-She's too tall!
-Hello, Missus Miller, this is Harvey Johnson,
Can I speak to Debra Sue?

-Hi, you Hugo!
Hi, you stupid!
Why do wanna go get pinned up?
-Well, I heard they got pinned
-I was hopin' they would
-Lost your moral
-Now they're livin' at last
-Are you nutty
-Goin' steady ...
-Hello, Mrs Garfein, is Charity home from school yet?
-Did they really get pinned? Goin' steady?
-We was hopin' they would
-Now they're livin' at last
-Goin' steady for good!
If you gotta go, that's the way to go,
When they got you hooked,
Then you're really cooked,
Whatcha gonna do?
Whatcha gonna do?
Well, I heard they got pinned!
I was thinking they would!
Now they're livin' at last
They are steady for good
Goin' steady, goin' steady,
Goin' steady,
Steady for good
Goin' steady, goin' steady,
Goin' steady,
Steady for good
He's in love with Kim,
Kim's in love with him!
Goin' steady, goin' steady,
Goin' steady!
Well, well, oh oh oh
Well, well, oh oh oh
That's the way it should be!
They'll be happy, I know!
Going Steady for me.
That's the way it should go!
Goin' steady, goin' steady,
Goin' steady,
Steady for good
Goin' steady,
Goin' steady,
Oh yeah!!!

And as a bonus, "My interpretation," by Mika. No, this is not a message to anyone, I just think it sums up some post-breakup times rather nicely:

You talk about life, you talk about death,
And everything in between,
Like it's nothing, and the words are easy.
You talk about me, and you talk about you,
And everything I do,
Like it's something, that needs repeating.
I don't need an alibi or for you to realize,
The things we left unsaid,
Are only taking space up in our head.
Make it my fault, win the game
Point the finger, place the blame
It does me up and down,
It doesn't matter now.

[chorus:]
'Cause I don't care if I ever talk to you again.
This is not about emotion,
I don't need a reason not to care what you say,
Or what happened in the end.
This is my interpretation,
And it don't, don't make sense.

The first two weeks turn into ten,
I hold my breath and wonder when it'll happen,
Does it really matter?
If half of what you said is true,
And half of what I didn't do could be different,
Would it make it better?
If we forget the things we know.
Would we have somewhere to go?
The only way is down, I can see that now.

[chorus]

It's really not such a sacrifice

[chorus]

And it don't have to make no sense to you at all,
'Cause this is my interpretation, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have a new temporary roommate. I'm nervous about it, because I've never lived with anyone else before and I know how fussy I can get about some things (and completely uncaring about others), but we'll see how it goes. It's only for 2, maybe 3 months at worst, so it really shouldn't be that awful.

I'm a mean mom and tossed out a bunch of cardboard boxes that Venus liked to hide behind. She still hides in the same location, but it doesn't seem to be nearly as effective.

I saw Pirates 3 on Saturday. Didn't stay through the credits, but I found a clip of the scene at the end, and I found discussion on what it means. Be warned, the movie is long -- including the five million commercials and trailers we saw, it ends up running 3 hours. It's also somewhat confusing, and feels like it's lacking some of the character that really helped set the tone for the first movie, and somewhat for the second, too.

I saw Shrek 3 last weekend, disappointing as well. I liked some of the musical touches -- Danse Macabre, "One" from A Chorus Line, the original Snow White song, "My Favourite Things," but overall... eh.

I watched Epic Movie with R and N. Not a good movie, which was about what I expected. Possibly slightly better than Date Movie, but not by too much.

I also watched Team America: World Police last night for the first time. Yes, I had never seen it before. I didn’t find the puking scene nearly as funny as M did, but that’s me. Otherwise, not too bad.

Shawn and I had lunch yesterday and spent some time hanging out and talking. Nothing too earth-shattering, though we did spend time talking about religion, of all things. Discussions about religion in which I’m a participant are always amusing, ‘cause I’m so ignorant about religion it’s almost funny – and I’ll be attending a Catholic wedding later this summer (my first Catholic one, I think). I’ve been to four funerals, three of which were Catholic (including one that was French Catholic), but the weddings have been all over the map.

I spent Saturday night at my parents’ place and kept an eye on Digger. He seems to be slowly improving, and I’m trying not to hover too much or read too much into anything. I think I expected him to improve faster, and I do worry about every little thing that happens, but I’m trying to keep myself in check. If I’m like this about my cats, I fear for any future children I may have… I’m going to be useless if they do anything that strikes me as unusual. Either that, or I’ll be so blasé trying to keep myself in check, they’ll be eating lead-paint sandwiches with rat poison dressing and I won’t say boo.

I have friends making fun of me for the biological clock ticking now and again. Shut it! is what I say, ‘cause it’s only ticked once or twice, and it’s not as though the damn alarm is going off or anything. Shut up.

I can’t believe I’m going to be 27 soon. I keep asking M what it’s like to be old (he’ll be turning 29 next month), and he tells me that I’ll know soon enough, ‘cause 27 is apparently when you become old. He’s so sweet. I feel as though I should be all serious and adult... instead I make sound effects when I’m doing physical things (aside from working out), I tell my cats where I’m going in case they somehow understand me, and I’ll do things like paint one set of toenails and leave the others unpainted – and keep them that way because they bug people. I’ve fixed that since, but still, it was fun for quite awhile. I think I’ll think that’ll kick in if I ever marry or have kids, but I don’t know. How’s that for a convoluted sentence?

Okay, enough rambling, especially since I’m not saying anything particularly fascinating at the moment. I have a piece I’ve been working on for awhile about sexiness and another about friendship, but that’ll be a few days yet. Short summary of the above?

Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and think, “I don’t recognize that face. That’s not my face”? I’ve been dealing with that for the past while, and I don’t have a clue if it’s because I feel I was a redhead for so long and I’m not yet used to the blonde/purple combination I have going on, or if I’m not entirely happy with the hair, or if I’m simply dealing with the beginning stages of dementia. Any of the above is a distinct possibility.

It’s been awhile since I’ve done a real – or much of any – update. So what to say? Digger had to go back into the vet for a recurrence of his stone/crystal problem, but this time he’s in for a few days of flushing and observation, and they’re sending him home with antibiotics – which they should’ve probably done the first time. Mom and I both felt that he was never 100% after his last visit, and we’re really hoping that this does the trick. He’s a young man still, only 12, and he’s my Digger-bubby, which means nothing, but is the nickname I’ve assigned him. All of my cats wind up with weird nicknames, because I am a demented cat lady who talks to cats… which you already knew, or suspected.

I had a bit of a debate/discussion with the most recent ex- about love and pets; his assertion was that I didn’t love my cats. Rather than get offended or up in arms about it, I simply told him, “If you don’t think I love my cats, go see one of them get run over by a car and see how I react.” Sorry, but I refuse to believe that it’s only possible to love people or family members or whatever – and I think he was saying that he didn’t love his friends, only care for them or something. I forget now, and for that I blame the cold I’m currently suffering through.

Oh yeah, fun day yesterday; felt fine in the morning, came back in from lunch and felt a bit of a sore throat. *sigh* I feel okay right now, but I didn’t sleep very well last night at all.

For the most part, my running has been doing well. I’ve seen for myself (and not just my running partner’s claim) that I’m faster than when we first started, and my stamina is improving. It’s still not fabulous, but I’m getting there – and I’ve even gone out a few times on my own and pushed myself. That’s what comes of having a running buddy, I find; when I go out on my own, I feel as though I can’t slack off, ‘cause I wouldn’t with a partner, so why should I when it’s just me? It’s possible I’m even starting to enjoy it, I’m not sure.

I’ve also got my bike back up and running, and I’m going to look into getting a new seat for it; my big ol’ butt’s used to the seat on my motorcycle (and lemme tell you, it’s nerve-wracking as hell going from 2 wheels = 500 lbs to 2 wheels = 5 lbs… you feel like you’re going to die!), and I’d like to get something more comfortable than the narrow gel seat I have now. I’m also hoping to get out to the skating rink on occasion when it starts doing free skates again, and I may even have company for that.

I suffer mightily from foot-in-mouth disease, and I often speak without thinking first. It’s part of my impulsive nature, I suppose – rarely are my comments meant to hurt. Over the past while, there’s a friend of mine who’s been inflicted with a rather serious case of this disease, it seems, and it’s frustrating me. I enjoy this friend’s company, and I want to keep doing that, but when this friend keeps making comments that either directly or indirectly attack my schooling, my friends, my dating history, or so on, it’s a bit challenging. It’s also seemed as though most times that I’ve seen this friend, this friend has dominated the conversation or social event, and that can get tiring when I’m not in the best headspace for it. For now, I just vent about it to another friend, but depending on how it goes, it might become time to say something. I’d certainly hope someone would if it were me.

I also had my first-ever entirely-my-fault near-accident the other day. I was behind a van from New Jersey, and we were approaching a light that was yellow; I thought we could go through, Jersey plates had a different idea. I threw on the brakes and clutch and stopped less than three feet from his back right bumper; it’s possible I could’ve moved into the other lane if I’d really needed to avoid him, but there may have been another car there (don’t remember). The best part? The adrenaline surge hit me after I’d finished my braking and such, and so as I waited for the lights to change again, I sat there with my hands almost shaking, realizing how close I’d come to an accident. It’s easy to get grouchy with other drivers when they try to cut me off or won’t let me merge or whatever (which happens), but this would’ve been entirely my fault. Live and learn, and wear your protective gear my friends!

The Pompous Ass is doing his motorcycle course this weekend, so I imagine he’s just bouncing in excitement. I remember going to bed the night after doing the first day (it’s all day Saturday and Sunday for the on-bike portion), still being able to feel the bike vibrating under me, and my muscles were still trying to shift and clutch and so on. Very strange sensation.

I honestly thought I had more exciting insights to offer, but I’m going to blame my cold-affected state. Let’s just say that overall, life is doing pretty well right now, and as long as I stop mentally assuming the worst about Digger, then it remains that way.

But I’ll conclude with an amusing anecdote about my mom, just ‘cause she makes me laugh sometimes. I was telling her about a boy I quite liked, and she asked me two questions: One, does he treat you well, because I’ve dated a few boys who didn’t treat me very well, in her opinion, and two, how tall is he?

Ah, my mom. Best wishes to her and her side of the family (as well as my dad), who are heading off tomorrow to bury my grandfather and otherwise have an outing of sorts.

I'm happy.

Updated The Whore's Boudoir.

Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit...

A few weeks ago, I was reasonably certain my biological clock gave off a tick. No big deal, it does this about once every 18 months or so, and I figure it's all part of the normal process of getting old (which I'm doing daily).

However, I think my clock may have ticked again today -- possibly even twice.

I'm so not ready for this...

Even scarier is the whole "do you want kids?" question that gets asked in relationships now, or even the mental evaluation of "is this guy going to be a good father?" that goes on.

And I thought it was bad when I started looking for wedding rings when I was checking guys out.

Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit...

I may be mistaken and/or reading too much into things (you know, being too hopeful), but it's possible that all of this exercising is having a beneficial effect.

I also have my bike out now, and I rode it back and forth to my training yesterday, and went home at lunch. So now my butt hurts, but I'll live. The tires need fixing up though, which I'll be getting Stefan's help for.

Time for a shower; day two of training in Project Management for Results (or Success?) begins soon. At least my internet is working again on my cell -- entertaining joking with the tech guy when he can't understand that I'm joking half the time, and the other half he's making awkward jokes.

I really hope I was mistaken about the potatohead in the course maybe sort of not really flirting with me. I'm so not interested...

Also, everyone come out and join us for laserquest on Saturday. Details are available on request.

I went to WalMart today to pick up a few things, since Canadian Tire had already closed and I needed a bike pump. Occasionally, I wear a virgo necklace that my mom gave me for Christmas or my birthday; neither of us are particularly astrologically-inclined, but for some reason she's always gotten me (and not my sister, to my knowledge), virgo-themed things.

Anyhow, the necklace that I wear has this symbol on it:



And many people have asked me what it was, because they don't seem to recognize it as virgo. But today was the first time I had someone ask me if I was Arab because of it; the clerk at WalMart told me that upside down, it means "God" in her language.

I told her I was just glad to hear that it wasn't something offensive. :)

More street graffiti.

This was the mileage readout on one of my first trips out this season. I also got to see the display read 5600.0, but didn't have easy access to take a picture of it (using a cell while waiting at a red light is only useful if you're really quick).

Okay, I heard this song on the radio the other day, and it's been pretty much stuck in my head every since. It's a very poppy, stupid, upbeat song that I encourage you all to listen to and then judge me for liking.

However, read the lyrics first and get surprised by how dirty it is, just as I did:

MIKA Love Today Lyrics
I've been crying for so long,
Fighting tears just to carry on,
But now, but now, it's gone away.

Hey girl why can't you carry on, (carry on)
Is it cuz you're just like your mother,
A little tight, like to tease for fun, (tease for fun)
Well you ain't gonna tease no other,
Gonna make you a lover!

Everybody's gonna love today,
love today, love today.
Everybody's gonna love today,
Anyway you want to, anyway you've got to,
Love love me, love love me, love love.
Girl in the blue with the big bust on
Big bust on, big bust on.
Wait till your mamma and your papa's gone,
Papa's gone!
Mamma, mamma papa, shock shock me,
Shock shock me, shock shock.

Everybody's gonna love today,
Gonna love today, gonna love today
I said,
Everybody's gonna love today, gonna love today,
Anyway you want to, anyway you've got to,
Love love me, love love me, love love.

Carolina sits on '95,
Give her a dollar and she'll make you smile.

Hook her, book her, nook her, walk away!

Girl dresses like a kid for fun, (kid for fun)
Licks her lips like they're something on them (something on them)
Tries to tell you life has just begun, (just begun)
Now you know she's getting something other
Than the love from her mother

Everybody's gonna love today,
Love today, love today
Everybody's gonna love today,
Anyway you want to, anyway you've got to,
Love love me, love love me, love love.

Girl in the blue with the big bust on,
Big bust on, big bust on.
Wait till your mamma and your papa's gone,
Papa's gone
mamma, mamma papa, shock shock me,
Shock shock me, shock shock me

Everybody's gonna love today,
Gonna love today, gonna love today

[Everybody's gonna love today,
Gonna love today,
Anyway you want to, anyway you've got to,
Love love me, love love me, love love.
Doom da da di da di Doom da da di da di Doom da da di da di Doom da da di da di...
Doom da da di da di Doom da da di da di Doom da da di da di Doom da da di da di...]

The animals, they are out to get me.

There's an intact tom who's been hanging around my neighbourhood the last few weeks, begging for some ladies to come out that he can seduce. Thena's told him a few dirty words, but that doesn't seem to have discouraged him too much at this point. On Sunday, when I was about to leave the house, he was right at my front door and trying to get in. Then, when I went to the garage to get my bike, he followed me there, nuzzling me, and followed me into the garage before he wandered off and explored a little. I didn't want him to get stuck down there or get hurt, so I called him over and convinced him to leave. Maybe he realized there weren't any ladies to seduce in the garage.

On my way to my friend's place, I kept getting stuck behind Sunday driver slowpokes, so I decided to head to the next street I needed a few blocks sooner, which is a route that takes me by my work. As I was slowing down to make the right turn onto the street that goes directly in front of my building, I noticed there was a dead mallard drake right on the curb -- it looked as though someone hit him while he was crossing the street, or getting ready to cross. I've seen a mallard mated pair across the street in the big field, and we're quiet near some locks that are a popular attraction, so it's quite possible he's the one I've seen on previous occasions. He's even acted as the greeter at the building across the street. He was still there this morning, and I found it very upsetting.

At times in my life, I've had to take antibiotics for various conditions; we all have, it happens.

Many antibiotics have warnings on them about what you should or shouldn't do when you're on them, or advice about how you should or shouldn't take them. Things like, take with a glass of water, or with a full meal -- advice like that makes sense. Some antibiotics require more water to be absorbed, or might be hard on the stomach if taken on an empty one.

The antibiotics I had to take more recently had three warnings on them: one, take with lots of water. Two, avoid dairy and iron supplements for an hour before and an hour afterwards -- again, understandable because it's possible that the drugs bind with calcium or iron and aren't absorbed by the body as they should be.

My most favourite of the warnings, however, is one that I've encountered several times with drugs, and that's avoid prolonged exposure to sunlight.

Now, while it's most likely due to something simple like increased likelihood of sunburn or something equivalent if you're exposed to too much sun while on the drugs, I choose to believe that I will be subject to a new and yet unheard-of side effect. The one I've chosen is invisibility; essentially, if I'm exposed to too much sun, I will become invisible.

I think this is a valid notion, and I look forward to my new superpower -- provided I don't negate it through doing something like eating yogurt a half-hour after taking the drugs, and thereby ruining any chance I had of being invisible.

So, if you don't see me -- you'll know why.

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me.

It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you.

My family thinks I’m insane, but I don’t care.

Short version: Digger, the male family cat that lives with my parents (and is brother to the disappeared Chloë), got blocked up yesterday. For those not in the know, this means that he got crystals in his urine that blocked his urethra and made it so that he couldn’t pee.

Having worked at an animal hospital, I’m all too aware of just how serious this condition can be, and how quickly it can progress – and neutered male cats are the most prone to it.

Luckily it was caught early, and he should be okay, but I still went racing out to the house last night to see him… and that’s why my parents think I’m insane, and I still don’t care.

In other news, my life progresses. The PA and I are back to friends-only status, which is going to be an interesting challenge to maintain. Curse me for being the way that I am, basically. I’d go into more detail, but… I wouldn’t know what to say or how to say it; again, curse me for being the way that I am, meaning I want to protect feelings and so on. The short version of that one is that I’ve started seeing someone and that’s about all I’ll say about that.

I’ve been socializing a fair bit lately with various groups of friends, and that’s been nice. I saw some of the zone crew last weekend, and had a nice chat and semi-cuddle with a couple people in that group. R threatened to bite me, but never carried through on his threat, meaning I win. Of course, that’s until he reads this and gets revenge on me at a later date; as I’ve learned through personal experience, bites can leave lasting consequences. :P

I’ve been back to the gym a few times in the last few weeks, minus the trip to New Brunswick. I’m coming out with sore muscles, but fewer than that first visit, which is good. I still remember the strength I used to have, and it frustrates me to have lost it, but I know it’ll return eventually. I’ve also started up a new exercise regimen with a friend, and although I doubt I’ll be managing half as well as he does, I’m still intending to get through it.

I’m also trying to figure out how to work skating or swimming into my regimen, and possibly even some biking if I can. Apparently I don’t want to leave any time leftover for school or anything like that, but I’m okay with that. :P

I’m planning on getting my bike out on the road tonight, provided the battery is okay. I’m tired of this ridiculous back-and-forth weather, and I just want to go for a ride.

Finally, I’ve been working – for the one millionth time – on eating better in general. I was doing okay before I went away, then got stuck eating a bunch of junk and sandwiches. Once I got back, I got to buy some more groceries, and I’ve been trying to focus on eating my fruits and veggies, ‘cause my body likes me best when that’s what I’m consuming.

Ah, it’s rough being so dull – or at least having much I’m thinking or feeling that I can’t put into words for various reasons, not the least of which is writer’s block. How have all of you been?

Amy Winehouse, You Know I'm No Good:

Meet you downstairs in the bar and hurt,
Your rolled up sleeves in your skull t-shirt,
You say "Why did you do it with him today?"
And sniffed me out like I was Tanqueray,
'Cause you're my fella, my guy
Hand me your Stella and fly,
By the time I'm out the door,
You tear men down like Roger Moore

I cheated myself,
Like I knew I would
I told you, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good

Upstairs in bed with my ex-boy,
he's in a place but I can't give joy
Thinking on you in the final throes,
This is when my buzzer goes
Run out to meet you, chips and pitta,
You say "when we married,"
Cause you're not bitter,
"there'll be none of him no more"
I cried for you on the kitchen floor

[ Lyrics found on http://www.metrolyrics.com ]

I cheated myself,
Like I knew I would
I told you, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good

Sweet reunion Jamaica and Spain,
We're like how we were again,
I'm in the tub, you on the seat,
Lick your lips as a I soak my feet
Then you notice little carpet burns,
My stomach drops and my guts churn,
You shrug and it's the worst,
To truly stuck the knife in first

I cheated myself,
Like I knew I would
I told you, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good

I cheated myself,
Like I knew I would
I told you, I was trouble
Yeah you know that I'm no good

I miss you.

Sometimes I post here.

Why no, I'm not bored at all. Or avoiding anything.

You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
ONE.
Word.

(Not as easy as you might think.)

1. Where is your cell phone? Table
2. Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend? Imaginary
3. Your hair? Red
4. Your mother? Strong
5. Your father? Knowledgeable
6. Your favorite item? Paws
7. Your dream last night? Vivid
8. Your favorite drink? Diet
9. Your dream car? Hatchback
10. The room you are in? Livingroom
11. Your ex? Around
12. Your fear? Alone
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Secure
14. Who did you hang out with last night? Stefan, PompousAss
15. What you're not? Skinny
19. The last thing you did? Drink
20. What are you wearing? Clothes
22. Your favorite book? Many
23. The last thing you ate? Ice cream
24. Your life? Frustrating
25. Your mood? Unquantifiable
26. Your friends? Incredible
27. What are you thinking about right now? Food
28. Your car? Motorcycle
29. What are you doing at the moment? Procrastinating
30. Your summer? Pending
31. Your relationship status? Complicated
32. What is on your tv? Nothing
33. When is the last time you laughed? Yesterday
34. Last time you cried? Saturday
35. School? Stressful

Nanny and Puppy's cat, Penguin. His brother Snoopy, who looked exactly like him, died quite young (hit by a car across from my uncle's place), and his other brother Licorice, who was solid black and shorthaired, had a heart attack on my Nanny's bed a few years ago, poor man.

A store in the MacAlister Place mall, where I shop when I visit my Nanny and Puppy.

Thena's fuzzy belly. Touch at your own peril.

Venus from her last vet appointment. If she doesn't stop annoying me, I might bring her back. :P

This was one of the sights from our travels. This was parked in front of a hotel at a rest stop. Tell me you don't think it's dirty, too!

So, is anyone on fire near me? I just heard a whole bunch of trucks and sirens going by.

Also, I am back. I've even managed several nights of good sleep in the last while (not including nights before travelling), and I feel semi-refreshed as a result. Which means that tomorrow will be painful when I have to get up to go to work, but... at least it's just before a four-day weekend, which is always nice.

I'll write more later, including some of the funny moments from the trip (self-defense mechanisms, I'm guessing), but the summary right now is that I'm glad that I made it back intact, and my sister is lucky I didn't kill her and throw her body out the car on the ride home. Of course, then my parents started snapping at one another, and having my dad yell at me for the way I came off the highway at the stop closest to my house -- the one I've taken four hundred million times more than him -- was a bit tooth-grindingly annoying, too. I didn't say anything though, and I think my mom gave me a sympathetic look.

I love my family, I just don't want anything to do with them for awhile. I said as much when they dropped me off. That works until Sunday or whenever we're having Easter dinner. I told Stefan I wasn't sure if this was a sign that my family was annoying me, or if it's a symptom of living alone for too long. He said I'm not crusty or crotchety, so we've agreed my sister is the problem. :)

Anyhow, thank you to everyone who offered their sympathies and support. I haven't had a total breakdown yet, so I know that fun is still pending. Mostly what I wanted was distractions and people to talk to, and some of you provided that. Others told me things like, 'Go be with your family right now!' which is all well and good, but... ;) My Nanny's a rock and I think she's going to be okay; my mom sounded pretty beat-up when we were on our way down, but she seems to be holding together, too.

I have to wonder sometimes when someone says, "So-and-so is really taking it hard" -- does that mean that they're suffering more than the others, or just that they're showing it more? Hard to say.

I also appear to have turned into some kind of a girl. Before I left, I bought shoes (which I hate doing) and I bought some purses (which I do on a semi-regular basis, when I tire of the ones I have, or when I want one for a different purpose). I bought a rough felt purse that had penguins on it because it made me smile to look at it; it was priced at $10, and actually rang up for $7. While I was away, I also bought some make up -- and headphones, an Amy Winehouse CD (love it), and the Leisure Suit Larry collection -- which annoyed me because it didn't include LSL7, and it's my own fault for not checking. So I'm a girl, but a geeky one; and one that's unlikely to be using that much of the makeup anytime soon, either.

Anyhow, enough rambling. Time for a shower, emptying of the mailbox, and then schoolwork. I got a nasty email from my prof while I was away, and it's long past time to get serious about my schoolwork, and I'm planning to use today and especially this weekend to do so.

I never know how to make these kinds of announcements so that they don't seem as though I'm trying for peoples' sympathies or something, but my maternal grandfather -- my Puppy -- passed away this morning. My mom's already down there, and my dad, sister and I will be heading there Friday morning.

It's funny how our minds work in times like these; I'm sad, but I don't think it's really going to hit me until I get down there. At the same time, I'm giggling a bit because Venus is being snuggly, while also whining for me to play with her and running into walls at the same time.

Now if only I wasn't possibly coming down with some kind of stupid chest cold, I might ... well, not feel better, but you know.

In the interests of proving that I really am mentally deficient and don't learn, when I took my mom's car to the gym today, I accidentally left it unlocked. I'd put my purse in the backseat for safekeeping because I couldn't remember the combination to the lock I had with me and didn't want to leave it unattended in the gym.

I really am dumb sometimes.

I know have a perfectly acceptable, valid reason not to trust my coworkers: my credit cards were stolen from my wallet today.

I'm lucky in that I don't use my credit cards often, one of them only twice. The other had a Chapters online thing go through today, so I could've pinpointed that as my last transaction (they also used it at Chapters, sneaky bastards).

I'm also very grateful for 24/7 fraud departments with both Royal VISA and PCF M/C. That meant I didn't have to try to sleep on this, but I do still need to file the police report for the Royal. That'll be a new experience.

I know that it happened at work, since that's the only time my purse is out of my sight, and the first transaction went through this afternoon at 1:46 p.m. Someone really liked spending money at Jean Coutu and Shoppers (both drug stores); they also hit up a bunch of gas stations and one transaction at Chapters.

They also moved my ID out of its holder, but didn't take it. I'm guessing they figured they either couldn't pass for me, or didn't want to apply for new cards in my name or something. I can't explain criminal minds; I'm just glad they weren't especially clever, and that the fraud departments worked as well as they did. At least, I'm saying that now -- we'll see what the next few steps bring.

And finally, one complaint I thought up later -- I bet the bastard who stole my cards misspelled my last name when they signed the slips, too.

I think I'm vaguely annoyed by facebook, and I know I'm severely annoyed by my neighbours, and that's contrasted by my ever-lasting amusement at my cats, and my caring for my friends, so my head is twisted in circles.

I spent way too much money at Sugar Mountain today, and I have a great deal of things I keep thinking I should write about on here and yet don't. This week's highlights:

-> Calling bylaw at 1:00 a.m. Tuesday night to report my neighbours for loud music. I put in earplugs; I could still hear it. I passed out anyhow, probably before the cops came, but I wasn't impressed.

-> Being woken up at 6:20 this morning by some asshole outside of my bedroom window (which happens to be beside the driveway into our underground garage) blaring hardcore rap music so loud I swear to God I was amazed his windows were still intact. As I said to the Pompous Ass earlier when I related this story (which I'm sharing with everyone), I could've murdered everyone in my building, even if they weren't involved in the least.

This was also at the same time that my alarm clock went off, which, added to my natural state of abject stupidity when I first wake up, meant that I did a bunch of confused running around in my bedroom, trying to turn off the obnoxious beeping and simultaneously kill the person outside of my window through sheer force of will, death glare and innate cuteness.

Unfortunately for me, I couldn't see a car outside of my window by the time I figured out how curtains work (tip: they move aside with ease when one uses one's hand), they'd disappeared. Fortunately for them, my window is also sealed shut, which spared me having to figure out how to launch a cat or other heavy projectile at them to properly express my displeasure with their choice of music and time of day and location and proximity to my delicate genius self.

That's what my coworker and I call ourselves constantly; delicate geniuses. Oh, how we mock...

Anyhow, then we have my cats. I will tell people that I believe my cats to be smart. Then my cats do things to try to prove me wrong. Venus opened my pyjama drawer and curled up in it for awhile; this may make her smart if she figured out how to open the drawer on her own, but I'm not sure.

Thena, the one who I usually assume is smart, was being particularly stupid the other night. I had put her out on her harness and leash, which is currently attached to the doorknob (on the inside, of course). I had the door partially open so that Venus, who won't stay out if the door is shut (don't get me started) could also enjoy the nice weather. Thena comes and goes, getting herself woven in the legs of the kitchen table and chairs (which are right by the back door). I don't notice -- she puts her paws up on my knee to get my attention, and I untangle her and boot her out. Smart kitty, one point.

She comes back in and gets herself tangled around a chair again. I sigh and decide to move the chair into my kitchen more (I have a galley kitchen and an eating space; the table is in the latter), and stupid kitty tries to move under the chair to get herself tangled in it again. Negative points for kitty.

Mind you, I was lying on my bed on my stomach last night, using my laptop, and Venus curled up beside me and slept, which was very cute. Thena typically occupies the smallest corner of the bed when the covers are down, I think trying to send me a message about what a horrible person I am for not having the covers straightened out so that she could have more choice in where to sprawl. I don't think she likes lying on them when they're bunched up, because when they're not, she'll lie more in the middle of the bed. I am obviously a terrible person.

I've been having conversations with friends and family lately about house buying, and everyone seems to say the same things about it -- it's good to get into the market, it doesn't have to be a huge or expensive place, you can always rent out a room to someone to help pay the rent, etc. It's scary to think about, because it's such a grown-up step, and at the same time, it's something I do really want to do. I miss having stairs, I miss having a real kitchen, I want to have a more minimalist decor style (which would probably never happen, but seems more possible if I have more space to put everything), I want to have a backyard for friends to hang out in or the kitties to play in... it's just hard to feel ready to take on the expense, especially when I already have debts I want to see reduced.

I'm sure I'll remember the other thousand things I wanted to write about at a later time, but this is my update to hopefully tide over the masses (i.e., the Pompous Ass who wanted me to update). Venus sends her very best belly massage, and has now laid down on my arm, further inhibiting typing. Please send help...!

I seem to have developed a bit of a reputation amongst my various acquaintances as a 'blogger.'

See, sometimes things happen in my life and I write about them on here -- some of you may have noticed this.

Well, lately in a very short period of time, I've had two different people in two completely different situations say to me, "You're going to blog about this, aren't you?"

The first had to do with my observation that I'd never before noticed just how much of a mating dance modern dancing is. I was out at a club recently, and everywhere I looked were little hoochie things grinding into thug things. Maybe I'm getting old and I haven't been out nearly often enough, but I was a bit surprised. Though mostly I laughed.

The second thing had to do with an ex's observations on my nipples. I've said it before, my nipples are fairly responsive. I usually say something like, 'It gets cold out, my nipples get hard, I sneeze, my nipples get hard, I go to the bathroom, my nipples get hard.' I can also add, 'They get talked about by someone other than me, my nipples get hard,' 'cause that's what was happening during this conversation. In sum, depending on what's being done to my body at the time, my nipples get hard in different ways. I'd say that I'd check this out for myself the next time something interesting is going on, but I suspect I'd be way too distracted to pay attention or even particularly care.

So, to satisfy you, there, I've blogged about it.

I had a pretty good weekend, though it started out with me deciding that I'm going to have to move. It's gotten to the point where everyone I meet either reminds me of a friend of mine, an ex-boyfriend, is tied to me already somehow, or is someone I've dated (which goes along well with the preceding comment). At least most of my partings have been on good terms, aside from perhaps the Smooshy or the paramedic, so it's not as though I have to worry about hiding from anyone. And realistically, I wouldn't hide from either of them -- about the only person I'd hide from is UBFM. And that's with damn good reason. Although speaking truthfully, I'd just show him indifference, because that's about all I have left for him.

There are a few things running around in my head right now that I want to discuss, but don't know how. So instead I'll segue awkwardly to another story.

I'm friends with a couple; I've known the boy since high school, and I've met the girl through him and one or two other people. I was out with the girl recently, and she was talking to me about some issues that the couple was having. It's not the first time she's asked me things, and she recently referred to me as her sex therapist, and that I'm cheaper than a regular therapist, which I find sweet and funny.

Anyhow, when I was out at the bar on Saturday, the boy of the couple asked me if she'd spoken to me, and if I hated him or words to that effect. I told him that of course I don't, that I sort of wanted to talk to him about his side but I wasn't sure how he'd feel about it, and a few other things, and then he told me that he was really glad she'd chosen me to speak to about this.

All of this to say, sometimes it's the little admissions or compliments that people make, almost off-handedly, that really mean something. I told a coworker that she had really pretty eyes, and I could tell she was really surprised and pleased. This is a behaviour I need to do more of -- compliments shouldn't be so hard to give, especially when they're genuinely meant.

It's kinda bad and kinda funny when, in an otherwise professional meeting, your coworker (about whom you've heard and have also picked up on a hint or two that said coworker may have kinky leanings) mentions tormenting clients with rubber hoses and something else, including a desk drawer.

My immediate response? "Sounds like a fun Friday evening."

What did I actually do? Start laughing.

Upon noticing my reaction, said coworker simply says, "Don't go there."

I told said coworker after the meeting what I was thinking, and said coworker responded something akin to, "I know, which is why I told you 'Don't go there.'"

I think my reactions on the two occasions I can think of that this has come up may have outed me somewhat. Either that or my usual defense of, "I have friends who are kinky" may be yet protecting me. I don't think said coworker is fooled, though.