I had a weird dream sometime this morning that I was at some school event for my department. One of the heads of the group was saying that I'd drawn his attention, and I don't remember now how I had done it, but I think it was a combination of speaking up and perhaps just being in weird places. I do remember at one point dancing naked in front of a stage with a live band to some music that made me think of Hank Hill on King of the Hill. I had Saran Wrap around me as a type of bathrobe and it billowed out to make the shape of the character. Or something. I really don't know.

Anyhow, I've been noticing that I seem to get the most traffic on Fridays, so I'm going to see what I can do to make sure that I post something interesting/funny/different on Fridays. So I say. In reality, I'll probably have less content. :)

Time for me to get moving, gotta get off to work. Slept in this morning, so I'm running behind.

Jen, 1. Spiders, 0.

He was a hardy one, took many beats with the trash can to defeat, but I eventually vanquished his grody little ass. Well, he was big, but still grody.

Saw a wolf spider in the parking lot of the Dairy Queen the other day with J. *shudder* That's a grody ass mo-fo', that's for sure.

I now have a boyfriend. Shhh... don't tell J. ;)

I had a crying jag today about Chloe. I haven't had one in awhile.

I just realized that I was supposed to have Anne of Green Gables read for tomorrow, and that's just not very likely to happen, unless I get my paper done tonight (which is also due for tomorrow), and get up at a decent hour with time to read. Don't know. Still have to type up my notes and send them out, get some summaries done. I've taken a *lot* of notes, and I didn't even go to all the classes. Ah well.

Time to start the paper. *sigh*

Bad: Opening the medicine cabinet to discover a spider sitting on the toothbrushes.

Worse: Getting up the courage to do something about it, and opening the medicine cabinet less than a minute later to discover the spider has disappeared.

I didn't check further, just shut the door a few times, then held it that way while I brushed with my spare toothbrush. *shudder*

I hate spiders.

I can't believe how little content I've posted this month. Sorry about that. :)

Went shopping today before work and found a dress for the wedding this weekend, which is a relief. The one store I went into last week had absolutely nothing (didn't have a lot of time to look before my class started). This week, first store I went into, first dress I tried on, I liked, so I bought it, big discount and all that (original price, $49.99 plus tax, after discounts and taxes, I paid $27, I like), so that's that. Mom says I can wear black shoes with it, I don't need white ones, so that's good. Saves me some cash. I'm going to try to get my hair cut this week, since it needs it, and I was thinking of getting acrylic nails done to help me stop biting mine. It's only about $35 at this place right near work, so it's not the $60 I was half-expecting.

Went and saw Austin Powers 3 yesterday with J. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great. Had some funny moments, but I don't think I enjoyed it as much as the others. I agree with the reviewers that said that Number 2 and Frau were reduced to background characters, and that's a bit of a shame. Some semi-lame stuff at the end, too. Worth the $27 it cost us to just see it? Hardly. Hell, that would practically pay for my first or second season of Sex and the City that I've decided I must collect. Also, now that M*A*S*H is out with its second season, I gotta collect that, too.

Picked up the Harry Potter DVD the other day. Technically, the only DVD player in the house is currently in Dad's computer, but I can work around that. :) I'm figuring to get a DVD-ROM when my dad does the computer upgrades in the next few weeks, so I can sit in my room and watch DVDs here, or at any of my friends' places that have DVD players hooked up to actual real TVs. :) I might just bite the bullet and buy a DVD player that I can take with me when I move out; I haven't entirely decided. That requires money that I definitely don't have. :P

I think I need to go back to the casino to win the money I require to pay for all my dreams. Enough of this working stuff; it's just not working out for me. :P For the length of time I've been doing the shit I've been doing, I should be making more money. At least, in my little world.

Did some shopping in IKEA today to get some lights for the fishies. That was a crowded pain in the butt, but not too bad. :)

Sometimes it feels like I'm placing myself where I might not be wanted. It's kinda frustrating/confusing, especially when I feel I'm starting to get a good idea of how I feel and what I want of things. Sometimes it feels like I'm the one making the moves, and that maybe I shouldn't be, or maybe they're not really wanted. So then I hold back, and get morose. It's stupid. Sometimes it feels like the shields are back in place, and I understand why, but it still bothers me.

Never know how or when to introduce various topics of conversation. It leads to my delaying a lot of conversations, believe you me. Especially when there just doesn't seem to be an appropriate moment. Sometimes you have to create them, like when I told my mom about my tattoo. Maybe that's just what I need to do here. I don't know... I tried before, and just didn't have the courage to follow through. A few weeks ago, somehow, it would've been easier. Now? It's more difficult and I don't know why. It should be easier, and yet it's not.

When is it too early to say things? When is it too late?

Well, this will probably be impetus enough. I don't know. Sometimes I can't post everything I'm thinking or feeling here, because there are various people I'm trying to protect. I know I've been told not to worry, but I still do. I always worry about what people think about me, and how they feel.

Time to go.

Eesh, I'm getting really bad at keeping this thing updated. Well, not too much going on in my life, for the most part... J still torturing me, coworker still being a tool, occasionally talk to the pizza guy and play catch up. Getting over the second UTI, hopefully this one'll stay away (which reminds me, need to call the clinic for the results of the culture). I think I'm basically recovered from the cold, which means time to start working on a news demo. What else?

Well, in my never-ending quest to become Di, I've now adopted two betta fish of my own. One is red, and one is blue. The red fish seemed to really like me in the store; he was all swimming around and looking at me and stuff, so I picked him. The blue fish was right next to him, and he seemed kinda sad and depressed, so I bought him, too. The blue fish's name is Dr. Seuss (figure it out, lemme know what you realize :), and the red fish's name is possible Dr. Zayus, or maybe Johnny Storm, I haven't completely made up my mind. They are currently residing here in J's house, above his aquariums of fish. They met my cats last night. The cats didn't seem to care too much about them one way or the other, although Digger was sticking his head in the tank when I opened it to feed them. I figure that was probably enough to give them a little fishie heart attack.

I'm continuing my quest to take over J's house, too. We bought some mini plants from Wal-Mart the other day, and now I have my fishies here, and there's the little stuffed beaver toy in his room... soon I will have taken over. Hehehe. >:) <-- evil smiley, for those of you who are into old school netting, before all this crazy "MSN Messenger" and "ICQ" came along, with their built-in smileys and all... I remember when we had to walk thirty miles in the driving snow and rain to get *our* internet connections... the snow was to the top of the telephone poles, and we had to walk on our hands -- uphill both ways! -- to save our shoes. If the dog was sick that day, you had to persuade your friend to run on the treadmill to feed the power to the generator so you could get a good running start at a connection, and the 300 baud modem that was used was pretty temperamental, so you had to whistle your connection and pray that it kept. Kids these days, don't know how damn easy they have it. They don't appreciate it, either! They complain when their precious "cable modems" or "DSL connections" are running slow because their "neighbours are online." Sheesh. In my day, we had our 300 baud modems and we were happy for it! Because the kids in the next town over didn't have it *near* as good, no. Y'know what they did for their Internet? Read a book! Yeah, that's right. They read a book about the Internet, or the stuff they wanted to look up on the Internet, and they were happy. Damn kids these days. They should all get a wuppin'.

Okay, I love that J's sweet tooth is worse than mine. Never feel bad for indulging in sweets! Take that, ex-! Yeah!

Jen, your ideal sexual partner is a Type 2.

Type 2 partners have lots of experience, a never-ending reserve of creativity, and the same goal as you: ultimate pleasure. Having this in common opens the door for the two of you to play with all kinds of sexual possibilities until you hit upon combinations that are blissfully and uniquely yours.

Like you, the emotional connection — and the affection often expressed during sex — is secondary to the physical sensations for Type 2 people. That's not to say your match doesn't pay attention to your personal closeness and genuine caring, but it does tend to take a back seat to the physical feelings of pleasure.

Hmm.... kinda disagree with some of it, but ah well. :)

Type 2 partners are sexually curious and playful when it comes to sex and they're also bold and confident in asserting their sexuality. Your Type 2 match has an unusually potent sexual energy. Their sex appeal shines through naturally in just about anything they do — whether dressed to the nines or kicking around the neighborhood in sweatpants. Regardless of where they are, they turn heads with what they wear, how they move, and where they position themselves relative to others. There's just something about them that will draw you in. And thanks to a healthy dose of confidence, they won't be afraid to use it to both of your advantages.

Hmm... some of that type 1 stuff sounds more like me. But that sounds really vain. :)

Am I worrying over nothing? Is it just me? Is it even me? Is it bad to be so close? Is it bad to want to show that closeness?

I want to throw everything in my room out the window and start clean, start fresh. I want to move out and have my own space bigger than 10 foot by 10 foot or whatever this little cell, this little room, is.

I want to be thin and lithe and healthy and get rid of all this illness, all this frustration, all this hatred.

The ex- tried to get me to sell him my baseball glove today. No deal!

Part of me wants to say to hell with the final year of school and just find another job in another city and start over. Well, start. I can't say I've necessarily started here.

Am I moving too fast? Am I too close? Am I wrong to be where I am? Should I give things back, try to create distance? Should I ask for more? My head thinks wrong things sometimes. Things that aren't where I am, where we are. Am I trying to prove something to someone, or am I wanting for me, or am I wanting for what others have that I don't, that I haven't? Am I wanting because it's right, or because... I don't know. Because it's been there for other people and because I want it for me. Because I'm trying to move faster than I should. Because I'm used to this, and now it's that, but in my head it's kinda this, even though it hasn't gotten there yet.

Hmm. It's nice being around guys that are gentlemen. Standing on the deck today, the owner of the house offered me his chair. Saw another guy there opening the car door for his girlfriend. A guy today held two doors open for me, even though I was passing through them first. Okay, can't describe it, you had to be there. Gentlemen. Very nice guys to know.

I want to quit to escape the bullshit and the stupidity and the crap. I want to stay for the career prospects, and the connections and the familiarity. I want, I want, I want. *sigh* I need? I don't know. I go, I come back. Now, I go.

Is it even me?

La la la... stupid Rogers calling for my dad this morning, woke me up early. Then my mom called, so no going back to sleep. However, if I bring stuff out to her at the store, I get to have the car. Yay! However, I must get up and get moving if I'm to get the car.

J wants me to post gory details on the site. So, okay. He swears a lot, and he's really ticklish and sensitive and he has mad skillz. ;) When he's not teasing me, he's really nice. :)

Anyhow, gotta shower and whatnot. More gory details later. :)

Sorry there hasn't been any new content here for awhile. I was unable to publish, and I thought it was Blogger's fault. Turns out it was, but I think I have it fixed.

Weird how in tune J and I are already. We're an old married couple. :) Sometimes he teases me too much, but he says that's because he teases people he really likes, and I should know that he really likes me. I just threaten him with stupid things, and it balances out. He knows I rule. ;)

Had our first weird patch last night. Bit of a change for me; he asked what was wrong (I was impressed he'd picked up on those cues, some people either ignore them or don't pick up on them), and I actually told him. I was debating doing the whole 'nothing' and seeing where it would go, but I didn't. I think I'm growing up. ;)

Hung out with the ex- for a bit the other day. He didn't contact me until he'd been in town a day or two, and then we made plans to get together a few days later. That part of our relationship changed right away; it used to be different. He'd want to spend as much time as he could with me, and he'd say that he came down early and stayed late to see me. When he was down, he'd want to spend all the time he could with me, because he'd say he wasn't very close to the other people around here and all that. Anyhow, that was different this time.

So, I went over to his place the other night, and we hung out and chatted. We talked mostly about his life in school; the stress of living with his friend, the girls he wants in spite of his girlfriend, things like that, and the weird part of it all for me was that it didn't bother me. I was able to call the girlfriend by name, and talk about his situation without feeling that nausea in the pit of my stomach/pounding heart feeling that I used to get. I was kinda laughing to myself when he was talking about not wanting to tell this one girl about him having a girlfriend because I've been there, so I understand, and it's not my problem anymore. He didn't seem to want to hear much about J, and I don't know if that was out of jealousy on his part, or selfishness or what... I don't know if it's he's always been that way and I didn't notice or just this time around, 'cause he was focused on avoiding the problems at school (one reason for him coming home) and he wanted to just vent about them (which is what he said at one point)... it was all good. My Achilles heel, in that regard, has been healed, it would appear.

I did get hit pretty badly with J's cold. Yuckage. I'm more or less healed from that, now, too... just got a bit of a cough and a blocked ear as a fond reminder of it all... thanks. :P :)

Hit a bachelorette party on Saturday, the wedding for which is coming up in a few weeks (I need a dress now). Had fun, although I felt like crap 'cause of the cold. An awful lot of people are willing to be spanked in public by a stranger and pay for the privilege... that was an interesting note. The bride was able to cover her meal, her drinks and then some out of the money she made. We actually weren't drinking much, mainly because we were wandering a lot and not a lot of the group there are big drinkers, I think. I know I wasn't because I was sick and didn't feel like it.

Went to the casino for the first time last night with J and his mom. I fared pretty well; I paid $13 out of my own pocket, and came out with $36.50, and that was after I had a bit of a losing streak. J spent about $55, and then lost it all... he had a twoonie left over, so we went and fed it into a $2 machine. We managed to turn it into $48. He took $40 to cash them into twenties, and I tried to turn the $8 into $10 or $20. I was up a few times, but in the end lost it all. Same thing with my remaining twoonie -- no wins. Ah well... in all, it was a fun (and properous) evening. :)

I'm getting his cold. :( Loading up on the drugs now, but I think my immune system is all over the place, what with all the different meds I'm currently on. Ah well... aparently it's my turn to be babied, not that I don't get that already. :)

First day of actually working with the coworker today. He took Monday off, I'm off Tuesdays, so here we are. Kinda cold towards me, I tried chatting with him and he wasn't very responsive, so I just focused on my work. I got an ICQ request today from him asking me to refrain from wearing my perfume to work (a road we've been down before). I wonder, do I acquiese to his demands, or do I be a bitch and ignore them? *sigh* I usually use two sprays, and last time I just cut down to one and he didn't seem to notice; perhaps we'll go that route again.

Let's see... the ex- gets into town tomorrow. Poor J, all this stuff he has to deal with right off the bat; the coworker, my UTI, his cold (which I'm pretty sure I'm getting), and now the ex-... basically, unless one of our homes burns down or we die or something ridiculous, it should be smooth sailing. :) (*knocks wood*)

Mind you, looks like I won't be seeing the ex- tomorrow; I'm working until 11, then possibly getting together with a crew at a bar near my old high school. Afterwards, I'll likely be crashing with J and then heading off to work from there on Friday. Gotta remember to pack change of clothes and whatnot. (*note to self*)

He came to my class today, which was fun. We wrote notes to one another and actually paid pretty good attention. He'd mixed cold meds though, so he was feeling pretty wonky/woozy for awhile, and I felt bad about that. After class, we did appearances at a couple of BBQs that various friends were holding, and that wasn't bad. Nothing special, but it was okay.

Got together with D last night, and told her all the dirty details, which she totally appreciated... that was awesome. Even before she met him, she was saying how happy she was for me and how great he sounded. Then I introduced him to her, and she was saying how hot she found him, how if she'd passed him on the street she'd take a second look, and how awesome he was and how clean (based on the car, before she met him). He was pretty relaxed around us, and we were making dirty jokes and stuff... it was fun. :)

I keep meaning to dig out the pics from the Christmas party, when I last met him. I think I'll do that now, see how different he looked then. ;)

Otherwise, just general joking around with Jay and J about this wedding that's coming up. Originally Jay invited me, now I'm going with J, but only because Jay dumped me like the heartless bastard he is! ;)

Anyhow, off to bed for me. Just wanted to jot down some general thoughts. Any votes on the perfume issue? Please weigh in -- I need the advice. :)

Oh yes, and the coworker took back his apology for reading over my shoulder. It would appear he doesn't regret it at all.

And what else? I'm selfish, self-centered, and everything has to be on my terms. There's more to that, but I've already hashed it out with J and he made me feel better about it, so off I go. :)

So, I'm not sure if the coworker really does want to be a friend or not. I'm trying; saying hi when I see him online, chatting with him and whatnot. He asked if I had a good night last night, then said, never mind, don't want to know. I sent: 'Not really. Went to the campus clinic, did some shopping, ran to the washroom every two minutes.' He doesn't even ask if I'm feeling okay now, or what was wrong, or what. Thanks a bunch.

For anyone out there that might be wondering, I spent a not so fun evening (and a few nearly miserable hours) running to the washroom every two minutes because I have a UTI. My fourth. Yay! *grumble* I got to it a bit early, but it still had time to get to the pain and bleeding stage, so that was fun. Not as bad as when I was in TO with the ex- and got the UTI (that was two years ago, I think), but still bad enough to make my evening not-so-fun. :P As long as I was occupied with something though, that seemed to help. I seem to be about 75% back to normal; still some discomfort and pain, but not as bad, and I don't have to go every two minutes. I poured two bottles of cranberry juice down my throat yesterday in the space of about an hour, and that's probably helped. I should probably go and get some more, actually.

Crashed at J's place last night; the ride from the mall to his place (about 15 minutes) was bad enough; I knew there was absolutely no way I was going to be able to make it back to my place by car (about 25 minutes) or bus (about an hour if I make good connections) without simply dying, so I called my parents and said, "This is how it's gonna be." :) I don't know how well my mom believed me, but I have the doctor's note (since I missed a class) and the medications (got those made up as soon as was humanely possible) to back up my story. :)

Poor J. He's having to deal with all these terrible problems right off the bat; the regular feminine stuff, then this... poor guy. He's been great, though. :)

Been taking it easy today, trying to baby myself. I woke up when he left, and couldn't get back to sleep (had to go to the bathroom! :)), so I played some Warcraft III and did my morning Internet routine (which is more or less listed under 'favourite comics' and 'favourite blogs' here on the site). My paladin got killed and I was bored, so I went in and watched bad tv on the couch (Judge Mills Lane -- how much worse can it get? :)), fell asleep. Woke up, turned off the tv (which was no longer broadcasting on that channel anyways), so I went back to sleep for awhile and got up around 11:30. I feel better. :)

J picked up this book for a friend's birthday that I was looking through last night. It's got all these cute pictures of animals, so I was oohing and aahing every few minutes. He was laughing at me. :)

Getting together with D today, so she's going to hear all about this guy and I know she's going to be thrilled for me. We went shopping together yesterday, and he spent way too much money on me, and it was awesome. She's going to be flipping. :)

I have all kinds of gory details to post, but in respect for his friends and mine that read this, I'm keeping them off, which is a shame. Some day soon I'll likely post them, but I think I have to run them past D first. ;) In the meantime, gotta finish getting dressed and think about lunch. I'm off. :)

You're LUST! Sex, sex, sex! It's all you think about! You're not opposed to having more than one boy/girlfriend, and you're very flirtatious. You're represented by the color blue.

Hahahah... this is hilarious. Thanks Sami, good to see you back with content. :)

Thank you. I deserve this. I'm happy, and I just hope it lasts, and that it doesn't get screwed up, or I don't screw it up. This is good, and feels both new and old and comfortable. I like it.

It's been an interesting week. I've not really had the time or inclination to post much, so I haven't, as I'm sure you've noticed. Sorry 'bout that, but here's a few tidbits that have run through my head.

Let's see... well, I got hit on by a lesbian the other day, that was kinda fun. Long story short, we were both waiting for the bus, and she was making general comments to someone else, and then I was kinda smiling at what she was saying (since it was obvious I was within earshot), and then we wound up chatting and decided to hike to the next bus stop, more or less to kill time. We chatted the whole length, compared life stories a bit, and it was fun. She told me that I was too cute to be straight, and that if I ever did decide to give up men (as I've threatened many times over the years), then I should give her a call. She didn't give me her number, so it's nothing that's actually going to happen (for those that are concerned or hopeful), but it was a nice way to spend the time.

That was Thursday after work. Went to Ultimate, but got there late (since the bus was so late and all). Chatted a bit with some people, never actually played, never actually showed up at the bar where everyone gathered afterwards (well, we did, but too late), and was just dead-tired at the end of the evening, so I went home and slept more or less the sleep of the dead. The cats used me as a jungle gym in the wee hours of the morning, and got all excited when I got up for a bathroom break around 5:30. Poor Shadow fell off the bed twice, and I thought that was kinda funny, but I tried not to laugh at her, just made sure she was okay. The expression on her face was pretty priceless, though. :)

I finished Watership Down today. Very good book, I liked the ending. I don't want to spoil it for anyone, but I'll just say it was a very satisfying ending. I was very pleased. Other people may not be, but I was. Now I have to move on to the Hobbit, which I didn't like last time I read it, so I'm not looking forward to that. Instead, I'm reading ahead and polishing off Harry Potter, book one, again. I've seen the movie three times, but only read the book once, and I forgot about a lot of the stuff that was in it and not the movie and vice versa. I need the reminders. :)

At work today, I was having a serious/flirtatious comment with J, and the coworker was reading it over my shoulder. He then confronted me, and we basically didn't discuss it. So now everything is out in the open, which is kinda nice, but I would have rathered it happen in circumstances of my choosing; like my sitting him down and saying, "I've met someone else and we've really hit it off." Basically, things have happened so quickly with J, and I'm not complaining; we've spent most of the last week's waking hours together, and it's been awesome. I just wanted to tell the coworker my way, not have him read it over my shoulder.

In person, he defended himself by saying that it was the only way he could find anything out about me, since I don't tell him anything. In the email, he said that he was sorry for doing it, but that I should be relieved, and that I should know that it's his studio and everything there is open policy. Fuck that bullshit. I don't believe that for an instant. I consider ICQ conversations to be private, between myself and the person with whom I am conversing. It's not as if I was talking on the phone, where he could have overheard. In order to read what I was writing, he had to make an effort, albeit perhaps a slight one, but an effort nonetheless. It's private, and he was an ass.

I'm pretty sick and tired of people feeling that they have the right to pry into my personal communication, diaries, or whatever in order to learn about me. The Ex- (the evil one) read my diary, hacked my FreeNet account to read my email and generally snooped all over. Now the coworker is saying he has the right to read my ICQ conversations so he can learn about me. Fuck. How about fucking asking me what it is you want to know?! I made no bones about the fact that I was spending time with J, and I was going to tell the coworker about us hitting it off. He just didn't give me the chance. *grr*

Ironically enough, after I dealt with that, later that night I got a spam message in my Hotmail account with the subject header "Someone is watching you." No shit.

Unfortunately, this is just about proving J right. :P Mind you, that's only if you really believe in these things. :)



Little Filthy Old Pervert
(Perverse Spoiled Dysfunctional Adult)


Your inner child is the Little Filthy Old Pervert (PSDA). He's not so bad, though, as far as inner children are concerned. Just give him a park bench and a trenchcoat and he's ready to go.

What's more, you could practically hang meat on all of your hang-ups. Phobias, fetishes, anxieties, neurosese... there are so many things happening inside you at once that your inner child is lost in the woods and hunted by wierd psycological animals. He stays hidden so much it's like he's not even there.

It's not so much that he's insane, it's just that you're crazy.

It's up to you to lure him out with bits of cheese and sugar and get him some rehabilitation. Or stay hunted.

So, like damn. Holy fuck. And stuff and stuff. Ummm... right. Life is good, in spite of earthquakes and disturbing the neighbours. Actually... maybe that's part of why.

I'm not posting more than that, and certain of you know damn well why. The rest of you... will find out in due time. No gory details until later. ;)

Which reminds me, need to get in touch with D, and compare notes. Hehehe...

Okay, I'm being cryptic. It's fun. :)

Ah yes, and Happy Canada Day everyone. I hope you kicked people who deserved it. :)

Urgh. Long, long, long day, on top of three nights running without enough sleep. Tonight's plan? Catch up. :) Brief rundown; worked from 9-6, a busy shift, then saw the Men in Black II movie premiere, then went downtown for the 'works. Ended up seeing them from the top of my workplace, which was pretty cool -- no crowds, no spilled beer, no one stepping on my body parts. On the bus ride home, I did kick someone twice, but he deserved it. He was the only person I deliberately kicked all day, so it has been a good day. :)

Anyhow, further updates are going to be tomorrow. I've been given permission (and in fact been prodded) to post some details about the past few days ;), so that'll be happening soon enough. Reminder to self, do the paper tomorrow! *sigh* Also, working tomorrow 6-11, after feeling as if I never want to listen to a/c music again. *grumble* Anyways, going to make a phone call or two to say happy Canada day, possibly have a quick shower, and crash. Sweet, sweet sleep... how you beckon to me.