Okay, I realize this is an old issue and it's a very old story, but it's the first time I saw it in its entirety, and I just had to share it and shake my head at the amazing ignorance of some people.
Vancouver Sun
2003.11.27
Peter O'Neil
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Make it a crime to be gay: Alliance MP: Even Svend Robinson could become straight, party's family-issues critic says
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OTTAWA -- Canadian Alliance MP Larry Spencer, his party's family issues critic , says he'd support any initiative to put homosexuality back in the Criminal Code of Canada.
The U.S.-born former Baptist pastor also argues that the gay- rights movement's recent successes in areas like same-sex marriage stem from a "well-orchestrated ... conspiracy" that began in the 1960s.
The conspiracy included the seduction and recruitment of young boys in playgrounds and locker rooms and the deliberate infiltration of North America's judiciary, schools, the religious community, and the entertainment industry, he said.
The movement's progress in gaining public acceptance for homosexuality would have been slowed, however, had Pierre Elliott Trudeau not legalized homosexuality in 1969, according to the MP.
"I do believe it was a mistake to have legalized it," Spencer (Regina-Lumsden-Lake Centre) told The Vancouver Sun.
While he said no Canadian government would likely have the "courage" to reverse Trudeau's decision to remove the state from the nation's bedrooms, Spencer would support any bill that advocated such a move.
"If somebody brought a bill in the House to do that I'd certainly vote for it. Yeah, I'd like to see that [to] be the case. It's not that I would want spies in everybody's bedroom or anybody following anybody.
People who have been practising homosexuals for most of their adult lives, like New Democratic MP Svend Robinson, could transform themselves into heterosexuals.
"I believe he could. I believe he would struggle with it," said Spencer, pointing out that someone could hate long-distance running or weightlifting but then train themselves in that area and learn to love it.
"So the human body can be sensitized or de-sensitized. The mind or the conscience that we have can be sharpened against right or wrong. It can be de-sensitized to think that whatever wrong that's around us is nothing but natural and we begin to accept that."
"I just wish that there was some way that society could stand up and say, 'This is not right.' "
But Spencer said any MP, and especially someone from his party, risks being labelled "a redneck or a hate-monger or homophobic" if they even mention such views in Parliament.
Spencer's pronouncements come at a difficult time for his party, which is stickhandling a merger with the Progressive Conservative party.
Delegates from both parties are due to vote on a ratification of the merger Dec. 6.
He made his comments during an hour-long interview after The Vancouver Sun obtained a copy of an e-mail from Spencer to a Canadian citizen outlining his conspiracy theory. The Sun requested an interview so Spencer could elaborate on his views.
"I'm being very, very free here to talk with you against all advice probably that I should ever talk to any reporter to this kind of link," he said near the end of the interview.
"But you know I'm feeling very, very deprived, you know, of my rights in that I cannot say openly -- I dare not say it in the House of Commons, even -- the full extent of what I really believe on some of these issues."
Spencer said the conspiracy began with a speech by a U.S. gay rights activist in the 1960s whose name he couldn't recall.
"His quote went something like this ... 'We will seduce your sons in the locker rooms, in the gymnasiums, in the hallways, in the playgrounds, and on and on, in this land.'
"It was quite a long quote stating what was going to happen to the young boys of North America."
Spencer said one of the major steps was to encourage followers to enter the ministry of various churches and to infiltrate North America's schools and teaching colleges.
"The activists that organized in those days (encouraged) people of their persuasion to enter into educational fields, and to do this with the feeling of a mission, you know, of going out there as pioneers in a -- quote-- human rights area, and I think they were successful as we've seen."
He said those who sympathize with homosexuals in today's judiciary, educational system, the entertainment industry, and churches aren't directly linked to the people who launched the conspiracy.
"I would think that is so long ago that we're seeing the outworkings of it decades down the line. And to say there's a conspiracy now is going to raise eyebrows, and (people will) say, 'Well, I don't think so. It's just the natural evolution.'
"But there are things, like what we're talking about, that once you set in motion, it's like shoving a snowball off the edge of the barn roof. Once you set it in motion you don't have to keep pushing. It sort of keeps going. It's that slippery slope that we talk about."
Trudeau, while justice minister, announced sweeping changes to the Criminal Code in 1967 that included legalizing homosexual acts done in private involving consenting adults. The bill wasn't passed until 1969, when the late Trudeau was prime minister.
Previously, those convicted of buggery or bestiality could be sentenced to a maximum 14 years in jail.
"There's no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation," Trudeau said famously after tabling the bill.
Spencer said he wouldn't want homosexuals to ever go to jail as a result of their "choice" to engage in homosexual acts.
"I wouldn't even suggest that there would be a penalty. I just think it's so sad that we have to take an issue like this and be asked to put the Good Housekeeping seal of approval on it without being allowed to tell the truth and talk about facts."
He said one of those "facts" is that homosexuals, due to AIDS and other health problems, have a far lower life expectancy than straight men. (A search by The Vancouver Sun's library failed to find evidence supporting Spencer's statement.)
"Let's just say if ... anybody that used Colgate toothpaste, their life expectancy was lowered by 10, 15 years. What do you think would happen to Colgate toothpaste? It would be outlawed. Well, we know that's what happens to men living a gay lifestyle."
Spencer said some of his constituents fear the proposed Alliance-Progressive Conservative merger could make it more difficult for the merged party to take strong positions on social conservative issues.
"It may be more difficult to carry through with a strong family stand."
But he pointed out that most of the Tory caucus voted with the Alliance in opposing the Liberal government's plan to legalize same-sex marriage.
Spencer said he would welcome gay Tory MP Scott Brison, who supports the merger, but has voiced concern that the party could be perceived as socially intolerant, as a caucus colleague.
"He's a great guy and he's got a lot of great ideas. If he can live with us we can live with him."
Spencer, 61, was born in Missouri and moved to Canada in 1974. He became a Canadian citizen in 1999, a year before he narrowly beat former New Democratic Party MP John Solomon.
Among his other comments during the interview:
- He said there will soon be strong pushes to legalize polygamy and pedophilia.
"Polygamy is next on the list. More than one (spouse) ... We'll see that within the next very, very few years. Pedophilia is being pursued as we speak ... Some will say down to an eight-year-old, they think it's okay."
- He said he believes homosexuality, rather than being part of someone's nature, is something that is developed by young people who struggle with their identity in relation to a parent, such as an "overbearing mother" or cold father.
2004/01/30
2004/01/29
I also want to add:
I have waffle-prints on my semi-private regions from my underroos. This amuses me greatly.
If I weren't worried about not getting in the running to get my own job (and so on), today would be a really good day. :P
I'm going out tonight, I have a movie thing tomorrow, I have a party next week... yay! Too bad somewhere in all of that I have to find time to study. For my job. This is dumb.
I have waffle-prints on my semi-private regions from my underroos. This amuses me greatly.
If I weren't worried about not getting in the running to get my own job (and so on), today would be a really good day. :P
I'm going out tonight, I have a movie thing tomorrow, I have a party next week... yay! Too bad somewhere in all of that I have to find time to study. For my job. This is dumb.
2004/01/28
I am super productive-chick lately. Woot!
On Monday, I did a bunch of tidying up around here, and I did a load of laundry. I rule #1.
Tuesday was the gym and hanging out (i.e., me chatting at turbo-speed) with Ben. I rule #2.
Then today, straight from work I deposited my paycheque, then dragged my weenie little ass down to the grocery store to buy groceries. I managed to keep the total low(ish), and didn't pick up any junk (okay, two frozen dinners for emergencies and one box of whole wheat Ritz crackers), and I walked all of 'em home. I rule #3, 4, and 5.
Also, I picked up a used copy of American Wedding, so I have that to watch tonight (well, at least the extras), and I'm going to make a real dinner for myself, which will wind up with leftovers tomorrow. I rule #6, 7 and even 8 for good measure.
I have a bit more laundry to do tonight, plus put away yesterday's stuff, but it's all good, it'll get done. And if it doesn't, it's okay -- I have enough underwear to last me a month, I think.
I'm slowly losing the slight hyper buzz I had going on this afternoon, but that's okay. I was also thinking of going to yoga tonight, but I think I'm way too lazy. :) I'm being productive on everything else, I can afford to spare myself on the yoga.
In other news, I should be receiving my Furby, Wrinkles backpack and PDA sometime in the next few days. Who needs money when you have material possessions? *sigh* But things like digital cameras come in useful when you are attending parties (like perhaps Gord's fiestorama, taking place next week?)! It pays off in blackmail material, right?
Speaking of which, I *finally* figured things out, and I now have a gallery for you to view! Oooh and ahhh to your heart's content, my friends.
I've only put up one so far, but I'll have a project to work on and start getting some of the other images up. The pictures that are up there now are a combination of an impromptu dinner party that formed at the Habicube, and my New Year's celebration fiesta. The first image in the gallery is the one that displays in Windows Explorer every time I look at my pictures folder; can you see why it amuses me? :)
Anyhow, the link is at this location. Enjoy!
On Monday, I did a bunch of tidying up around here, and I did a load of laundry. I rule #1.
Tuesday was the gym and hanging out (i.e., me chatting at turbo-speed) with Ben. I rule #2.
Then today, straight from work I deposited my paycheque, then dragged my weenie little ass down to the grocery store to buy groceries. I managed to keep the total low(ish), and didn't pick up any junk (okay, two frozen dinners for emergencies and one box of whole wheat Ritz crackers), and I walked all of 'em home. I rule #3, 4, and 5.
Also, I picked up a used copy of American Wedding, so I have that to watch tonight (well, at least the extras), and I'm going to make a real dinner for myself, which will wind up with leftovers tomorrow. I rule #6, 7 and even 8 for good measure.
I have a bit more laundry to do tonight, plus put away yesterday's stuff, but it's all good, it'll get done. And if it doesn't, it's okay -- I have enough underwear to last me a month, I think.
I'm slowly losing the slight hyper buzz I had going on this afternoon, but that's okay. I was also thinking of going to yoga tonight, but I think I'm way too lazy. :) I'm being productive on everything else, I can afford to spare myself on the yoga.
In other news, I should be receiving my Furby, Wrinkles backpack and PDA sometime in the next few days. Who needs money when you have material possessions? *sigh* But things like digital cameras come in useful when you are attending parties (like perhaps Gord's fiestorama, taking place next week?)! It pays off in blackmail material, right?
Speaking of which, I *finally* figured things out, and I now have a gallery for you to view! Oooh and ahhh to your heart's content, my friends.
I've only put up one so far, but I'll have a project to work on and start getting some of the other images up. The pictures that are up there now are a combination of an impromptu dinner party that formed at the Habicube, and my New Year's celebration fiesta. The first image in the gallery is the one that displays in Windows Explorer every time I look at my pictures folder; can you see why it amuses me? :)
Anyhow, the link is at this location. Enjoy!
2004/01/27
Is it just me, or would you totally wig if you took off some guys pants to see these? (And no, it's not some weird kind of testicle or anything, it's very work-safe).
I still stand by my previous men and underwear link. ;)
I still stand by my previous men and underwear link. ;)
If you've ever needed to see classical (and one or two modern tunes) played out by a guy wearing horns all over an orange jumpsuit, then go here. It's worth it. :)
2004/01/26
I think someone's trying to tell me something.
I got a survey in the mail recently. The envelope says "Planning Ahead..." in purple script. I consider this ominous.
I open the envelope, and sure enough, it's a "Funeral Planning Survey," from Canada Purple Shield.
The part of me that's sick and twisted is vaguely amused by the disclaimer at the end: "This survey is part of a general distribution. Delivery to home where illness exists is unintentional."
Well, I guess that means I needn't worry. *Yet*.
But, if I fill out the information with my personal info, they say: "The above information is potional, but we cannot provide your FREE information or your Free Wishes and Memories Booklet without it."
Darn.
Although I've already been discriminated against; the "How old are you?" opening question begins with 26-40 as a checkbox. Apparently younger people don't think about or plan death.
Speaking of death... one of the ladies who works in my department (although she was strategic communications, not communications operations) died. I don't know any other details, and I didn't know her very well, but as my coworker says, the vibe around here is a little off.
I got a survey in the mail recently. The envelope says "Planning Ahead..." in purple script. I consider this ominous.
I open the envelope, and sure enough, it's a "Funeral Planning Survey," from Canada Purple Shield.
The part of me that's sick and twisted is vaguely amused by the disclaimer at the end: "This survey is part of a general distribution. Delivery to home where illness exists is unintentional."
Well, I guess that means I needn't worry. *Yet*.
But, if I fill out the information with my personal info, they say: "The above information is potional, but we cannot provide your FREE information or your Free Wishes and Memories Booklet without it."
Darn.
Although I've already been discriminated against; the "How old are you?" opening question begins with 26-40 as a checkbox. Apparently younger people don't think about or plan death.
Speaking of death... one of the ladies who works in my department (although she was strategic communications, not communications operations) died. I don't know any other details, and I didn't know her very well, but as my coworker says, the vibe around here is a little off.
2004/01/25
I stole this from Meghan's site.
I don't know who my celebrity is. And the bear costume is a little... disturbing. I can think of better kinks, but maybe that's just 'cause I've never tried a bear costume. Maybe I'm a closet furry.
I don't know who my celebrity is. And the bear costume is a little... disturbing. I can think of better kinks, but maybe that's just 'cause I've never tried a bear costume. Maybe I'm a closet furry.
2004/01/24
2004/01/23
I called in sick to work this morning. I was running behind because I wasn't feeling well, so I just decided screw it, I'm taking a day off. I had a bunch of stuff I wanted to do today, anyhow.
I've managed to get some of it -- the baking -- done. That's been about it. However, I cancelled my doctor's appointment, so I don't have to run across the city (by bus) in order to do anything, so that's good.
I also won one of the Furbies, so life is happy. ;)
I've had to follow different auctions, 'cause I keep getting outbid at the final hour, but I have a PDA I may win in an hour and a half, so it's all good. Well, it might be.
Anyhow... last night I had a free pass to see "Win a date with Tad Hamilton," so I took the opportunity to watch it. I'd been curious about the movie when I saw previews for it, and while I knew it would be kinda light but looked fun. Sure enough, it was. The movie was fairly predictable, but fun, and there was a lot of crowd interaction when I saw it -- some girls a few rows up and over were being pretty loud in their reaction to things, and it was amusing. I like movies that the crowd responds to.
Ah well... what else was I going to write about here? Well, I had a bunch of weird dreams this morning. See, I went back to bed around 6:30 and slept until just after 8, when my coworker called with some questions about my computer passwords. Then I fell back asleep until 9, when my landlord called and told me that he was going to have some people come by to look at the building -- apparently they're considering buying it. I thought it was going to be tomorrow... turns out they came by today. No big deal -- they at least took their shoes off when they came in, which was nice.
So, weird dreams. Well, first I dreamt that I lived on the second or third floor of the building, and I was looking out the window and saw that my neighbours were having an honest-to-goodness orgy. People just kept slowly joining, one by one. I went out to join in at one point, but didn't really participate and wound up going to another part of the backyard (where it was taking place). Out where I was there was a red couch that had straps in the upright part of it, as decoration, and someone had tied a cat to one of the buckles, on a leash -- that way the cat could be outside and be safe. There was something else out in the yard, but I don't remember what... it might've been a table with a boardgame on it or something, I'm not entirely sure.
From there, my next dream had be riding buses and climbing through buildings or something with the kid who played Olivia on The Cosby Show, as we waited for her parents to come meet us. I think someone was chasing us, so I had to comfort her.
I'm pretty sure there was another dream, but now I can't remember what it was. Sorry. :)
The next few days I'm house-sitting Big A's dog, Holden, so you all know what that means -- party! Oh yeah. ;)
Tomorrow night is a birthday party, so I'm looking forward to that, and the rest of the weekend is just going to be lazing about, or so it would seem so far. I need people to call me! I just know I'm going to go stir-crazy if I stay in all weekend. :P
My trainer laughed a lot at me yesterday. :( :) I was walking funny all day because my legs hurt so much, and I thought I was more or less compensating okay (except for my agonizingly slow pace), but she said she knew what to look for, so I took that to mean it wasn't *too* obvious. She helped me stretch out my legs, and while it didn't necessarily feel any different later yesterday, I feel so much better today. The muscles in my inner thighs are still somewhat swollen, but I can at least sit cross-legged now without difficulty.
I just realized, I haven't been over to the Habicube since their post-New Year's bash, and I haven't had a lot of chance to talk to any of the Habicube Habitants in that time, either. I know, they hate me. It's okay, I can live with it.
*runs away, crying*
And a little tangent that I started has apparently turned itself into another Whore's Boudoir post, so this is kinda cool.
I noticed when I went to have my shower today that the tanning I've been doing has left me with some *really* weird tan lines; like, there's a big diamond-shaped section that starts on my tricep and works through my armpit and down my side that's white. I know it's because of the way I lie when I'm in the bed, so now I think I'm going to have to start lying with my hands over my head or something equally weird. Ah, the challenges involved in getting pretty.
I fell asleep for a bit in the sauna yesterday, after my shower. Oh, who wants to claim I'm a smart one? :)
Anyways, time for me to get my move on. I think I'm going to have a Muppet-fest tonight, so anyone who wants to join me, call my cell and I'll see what I can arrange. :)
I've managed to get some of it -- the baking -- done. That's been about it. However, I cancelled my doctor's appointment, so I don't have to run across the city (by bus) in order to do anything, so that's good.
I also won one of the Furbies, so life is happy. ;)
I've had to follow different auctions, 'cause I keep getting outbid at the final hour, but I have a PDA I may win in an hour and a half, so it's all good. Well, it might be.
Anyhow... last night I had a free pass to see "Win a date with Tad Hamilton," so I took the opportunity to watch it. I'd been curious about the movie when I saw previews for it, and while I knew it would be kinda light but looked fun. Sure enough, it was. The movie was fairly predictable, but fun, and there was a lot of crowd interaction when I saw it -- some girls a few rows up and over were being pretty loud in their reaction to things, and it was amusing. I like movies that the crowd responds to.
Ah well... what else was I going to write about here? Well, I had a bunch of weird dreams this morning. See, I went back to bed around 6:30 and slept until just after 8, when my coworker called with some questions about my computer passwords. Then I fell back asleep until 9, when my landlord called and told me that he was going to have some people come by to look at the building -- apparently they're considering buying it. I thought it was going to be tomorrow... turns out they came by today. No big deal -- they at least took their shoes off when they came in, which was nice.
So, weird dreams. Well, first I dreamt that I lived on the second or third floor of the building, and I was looking out the window and saw that my neighbours were having an honest-to-goodness orgy. People just kept slowly joining, one by one. I went out to join in at one point, but didn't really participate and wound up going to another part of the backyard (where it was taking place). Out where I was there was a red couch that had straps in the upright part of it, as decoration, and someone had tied a cat to one of the buckles, on a leash -- that way the cat could be outside and be safe. There was something else out in the yard, but I don't remember what... it might've been a table with a boardgame on it or something, I'm not entirely sure.
From there, my next dream had be riding buses and climbing through buildings or something with the kid who played Olivia on The Cosby Show, as we waited for her parents to come meet us. I think someone was chasing us, so I had to comfort her.
I'm pretty sure there was another dream, but now I can't remember what it was. Sorry. :)
The next few days I'm house-sitting Big A's dog, Holden, so you all know what that means -- party! Oh yeah. ;)
Tomorrow night is a birthday party, so I'm looking forward to that, and the rest of the weekend is just going to be lazing about, or so it would seem so far. I need people to call me! I just know I'm going to go stir-crazy if I stay in all weekend. :P
My trainer laughed a lot at me yesterday. :( :) I was walking funny all day because my legs hurt so much, and I thought I was more or less compensating okay (except for my agonizingly slow pace), but she said she knew what to look for, so I took that to mean it wasn't *too* obvious. She helped me stretch out my legs, and while it didn't necessarily feel any different later yesterday, I feel so much better today. The muscles in my inner thighs are still somewhat swollen, but I can at least sit cross-legged now without difficulty.
I just realized, I haven't been over to the Habicube since their post-New Year's bash, and I haven't had a lot of chance to talk to any of the Habicube Habitants in that time, either. I know, they hate me. It's okay, I can live with it.
*runs away, crying*
And a little tangent that I started has apparently turned itself into another Whore's Boudoir post, so this is kinda cool.
I noticed when I went to have my shower today that the tanning I've been doing has left me with some *really* weird tan lines; like, there's a big diamond-shaped section that starts on my tricep and works through my armpit and down my side that's white. I know it's because of the way I lie when I'm in the bed, so now I think I'm going to have to start lying with my hands over my head or something equally weird. Ah, the challenges involved in getting pretty.
I fell asleep for a bit in the sauna yesterday, after my shower. Oh, who wants to claim I'm a smart one? :)
Anyways, time for me to get my move on. I think I'm going to have a Muppet-fest tonight, so anyone who wants to join me, call my cell and I'll see what I can arrange. :)
2004/01/22
Someone take away my ebay account before I go broke.
By the end of today I may be the proud owner of a PDA, keyboard for said (although if the price goes up anymore, I give up), and a Furby.
*dance*
I plan to carry the Furby around with me and use it to make me giggle whenever I get annoyed. Furbies are a-a-a-awe-awesome!, so you can all just shut up. If it makes me giggle, it's all good.
I may also own a Wrinkles backpack, but I won't know about that for another few days. I'm so glad that I'm buying all this stuff when I know I'm already broke -- having to pay two months' rent and renew my training sessions really close together kinda hit me in the pocketbook. Ah well... I also got some card games the other day -- Killer Bunnies and Chez Geek -- that I'm looking forward to playing. Not cheap, but fun. I hope.
*sigh* Someone take my money away from me... or take over my finances for me. See, this is why I say I need a sugardaddy. It's not for clothes or jewelry or anything like that, but for stupid fiddly things to keep me entertained.
Important lesson I learned yesterday: electronics do not like the cold. My discman's batteries were flat after about an hour, and my cell phone was being mighty sluggish. Stupid electronics. :)
Furby!
By the end of today I may be the proud owner of a PDA, keyboard for said (although if the price goes up anymore, I give up), and a Furby.
*dance*
I plan to carry the Furby around with me and use it to make me giggle whenever I get annoyed. Furbies are a-a-a-awe-awesome!, so you can all just shut up. If it makes me giggle, it's all good.
I may also own a Wrinkles backpack, but I won't know about that for another few days. I'm so glad that I'm buying all this stuff when I know I'm already broke -- having to pay two months' rent and renew my training sessions really close together kinda hit me in the pocketbook. Ah well... I also got some card games the other day -- Killer Bunnies and Chez Geek -- that I'm looking forward to playing. Not cheap, but fun. I hope.
*sigh* Someone take my money away from me... or take over my finances for me. See, this is why I say I need a sugardaddy. It's not for clothes or jewelry or anything like that, but for stupid fiddly things to keep me entertained.
Important lesson I learned yesterday: electronics do not like the cold. My discman's batteries were flat after about an hour, and my cell phone was being mighty sluggish. Stupid electronics. :)
Furby!
Okay, my legs hate me. I don't know if it's from the working out on Tuesday (two-day rule; it hurts the most two days after you do something), or from the skating.
In other news, how would you like to ride this shuttle bus? I stole the link from Dave Barry, I'll confess.
In other news, how would you like to ride this shuttle bus? I stole the link from Dave Barry, I'll confess.
2004/01/21
I either did something really smart, or really really stupid.
*sigh*
My inner thighs were nice and sore today (although I'm sure it would've been worse tomorrow) from the gym yesterday; new moves means new pain.
So what did I do?
I went out and skated 14 k.m. in just over an hour. Now, I'll either feel better tomorrow, or I won't be able to walk. Maybe if I can't walk I can call in sick to work? We'll see.
For now, off to bed.
*sigh*
My inner thighs were nice and sore today (although I'm sure it would've been worse tomorrow) from the gym yesterday; new moves means new pain.
So what did I do?
I went out and skated 14 k.m. in just over an hour. Now, I'll either feel better tomorrow, or I won't be able to walk. Maybe if I can't walk I can call in sick to work? We'll see.
For now, off to bed.
Despite having felt kinda like bleh for too many days to count lately, right now I'm feeling kinda good and actually feeling sexy.
I was listening to "My love is like woah" by Mya, and I just want to *move*. I want to twist and turn and lick and nibble and kiss and bite and rub against someone. Feel warm flesh against warm flesh and listen to someone's breathing get faster or deeper from something I'm doing.
One of the few areas in which I have self-confidence is my mad bedroom skillz. I'm pretty certain that I'm a good kisser and everything that extends from that, although I'm bad and awkward on top, and I'm fairly confident that given a session or two, I can figure out what, generally, someone else enjoys. I may not get all of his or her favourite moves down right away, but I can learn 'em, and I love to hear that list of what someone else likes.
I'm often a big giver, and I think it ties into my big ol' submissive streak, although I'm not averse to taking the reins at times. I love to hear someone gasp or moan or pant from something I'm doing, and I love knowing that the someone I'm with is having a good time. This is why making out is so much fun and so frustrating and just generally awesome all over.
Conversely, I love digging my fingers into someone as they suck my neck or lightly nibble the top of my ear or do any of the other billion things I enjoy (hey, I can't tell the world what I like now, can I?). I love that primal part of us that takes over during moments of arousal (how clinical), when we dig our fingers into someone's flesh, when our hips start churning, just to feel the pressure of someone else against us -- both a source of sweet frustration and a source of releas -- when we start getting a little rough, perhaps, using nails down someone's back, pulling on their hair, nearly growling out commands or requests ("would you just touch me already?" or "fuck me, now!"), when all you want to do is just move against someone and feel everything all at once.
To quote someone I've been compared to a few times (both the character, which I can buy, and the actress, which amazes me): "I get nasty when I'm horny."
I was listening to "My love is like woah" by Mya, and I just want to *move*. I want to twist and turn and lick and nibble and kiss and bite and rub against someone. Feel warm flesh against warm flesh and listen to someone's breathing get faster or deeper from something I'm doing.
One of the few areas in which I have self-confidence is my mad bedroom skillz. I'm pretty certain that I'm a good kisser and everything that extends from that, although I'm bad and awkward on top, and I'm fairly confident that given a session or two, I can figure out what, generally, someone else enjoys. I may not get all of his or her favourite moves down right away, but I can learn 'em, and I love to hear that list of what someone else likes.
I'm often a big giver, and I think it ties into my big ol' submissive streak, although I'm not averse to taking the reins at times. I love to hear someone gasp or moan or pant from something I'm doing, and I love knowing that the someone I'm with is having a good time. This is why making out is so much fun and so frustrating and just generally awesome all over.
Conversely, I love digging my fingers into someone as they suck my neck or lightly nibble the top of my ear or do any of the other billion things I enjoy (hey, I can't tell the world what I like now, can I?). I love that primal part of us that takes over during moments of arousal (how clinical), when we dig our fingers into someone's flesh, when our hips start churning, just to feel the pressure of someone else against us -- both a source of sweet frustration and a source of releas -- when we start getting a little rough, perhaps, using nails down someone's back, pulling on their hair, nearly growling out commands or requests ("would you just touch me already?" or "fuck me, now!"), when all you want to do is just move against someone and feel everything all at once.
To quote someone I've been compared to a few times (both the character, which I can buy, and the actress, which amazes me): "I get nasty when I'm horny."
I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt that my sister and I, on a whim, decided to go to Toronto. We were at my parent's place, and I packed a bunch of stuff, and we were set to go.
The problem was, I hadn't packed any bras or underwear, and I kept remembering that, thinking I had to do something about it, but never doing it.
Then, we got Dad to drive us someplace to get money or something, and we realized that we'd forgotten our bags at home -- all we had were our purses. A taxi came along, and we tried to grab it to take us back home, but it had to go pick up another fare.
We finally called a cab and got in, and I started chewing out my sister for not having helped out at all (at this point she was deciding she didn't want to go, since we wouldn't get in until 5 or 6 in the morning), and how the whole trip was her idea because we were actually tagging on to the tail end of a trip her friends were taking.
I'm now having flashes of locations I've been to (a particular train station, a hotel) in other travelling dreams I've had in the past. I'm not sure if those locations were a part of this dream, or if my awake mind is just making things up.
I also had a dream about crashing an event of sorts that turned into a high school cafeteria that everyone got kicked out of... at the event part of it, I kept running into people I knew, and one of them I knew but didn't recognize 'cause he'd shaved his head. He didn't want to let me leave, but I said my sister and I had to go (this was before we decided against going, I think).
Then I wound up in some small town, wandering through their main community office building, and no one noticed me except a huge cat they had living there. I also wandered through the town itself (I think I was trying to get through it), and I wound up on someone's property (in my dream, they were a coworker of mine) while she gardened. I got away and she didn't notice me. Her property and house were ringed in many small, but well-kept and very pretty gardens.
I think what brought on all of this (at least the travelling part) was talking about going to Montreal for a weekend in February with Big A. The last two years I've gone in February, now's about time to do it again. :) Yay, Biodome (it's like the Toronto Zoo, but not).
The problem was, I hadn't packed any bras or underwear, and I kept remembering that, thinking I had to do something about it, but never doing it.
Then, we got Dad to drive us someplace to get money or something, and we realized that we'd forgotten our bags at home -- all we had were our purses. A taxi came along, and we tried to grab it to take us back home, but it had to go pick up another fare.
We finally called a cab and got in, and I started chewing out my sister for not having helped out at all (at this point she was deciding she didn't want to go, since we wouldn't get in until 5 or 6 in the morning), and how the whole trip was her idea because we were actually tagging on to the tail end of a trip her friends were taking.
I'm now having flashes of locations I've been to (a particular train station, a hotel) in other travelling dreams I've had in the past. I'm not sure if those locations were a part of this dream, or if my awake mind is just making things up.
I also had a dream about crashing an event of sorts that turned into a high school cafeteria that everyone got kicked out of... at the event part of it, I kept running into people I knew, and one of them I knew but didn't recognize 'cause he'd shaved his head. He didn't want to let me leave, but I said my sister and I had to go (this was before we decided against going, I think).
Then I wound up in some small town, wandering through their main community office building, and no one noticed me except a huge cat they had living there. I also wandered through the town itself (I think I was trying to get through it), and I wound up on someone's property (in my dream, they were a coworker of mine) while she gardened. I got away and she didn't notice me. Her property and house were ringed in many small, but well-kept and very pretty gardens.
I think what brought on all of this (at least the travelling part) was talking about going to Montreal for a weekend in February with Big A. The last two years I've gone in February, now's about time to do it again. :) Yay, Biodome (it's like the Toronto Zoo, but not).
2004/01/20
Holy crap do I not understand my body at all. I've spent much of the day feeling fairly blah and rundown, and now, all of a sudden, it's switched to horny.
Huh?
*sigh* I was feeling for awhile like I just didn't want to go to the gym, but I know I'll feel better after I go. Today is the day of errands. Actually, this week is the week of errands, and waiting to find out on things -- like if I've won the bid to get a PDA (just for reading on the bus, loser that I am), or its keyboard, or the Wrinkles backpack. What can I say? I'm forming my own wacky sense of style.
Along those lines, I have what I've termed my crazy cat lady bag that my mom got me for Christmas. This bag has been complimented by a number of my coworkers, an anonymous older lady at Future Shop, and just most recently a coworker around my age at the station. It's also been critiqued/mocked by a coworker at the station, but he's someone that half the time I don't mind and the other half the time I want to pound into a bloody pulp because he's so stupid, immature and obnoxious.
I am the Queen of tolerance and love.
Yesterday I dealt with the bitchy nurse at my doctor's office, and semi-bullied her into giving me another appointment with my doctor. I'm *tired* of not understanding what the hell my body is doing at any given moment, and I'm tired of eating primarily bread. Not to mention I'm tired of being so damn hungry all the time, contrasted with feeling sick or not interested in eating whatever I buy/prepare (although that last part could be tied into PMS, joy that that is). I was saying to my coworker that it could be my metabolism all of a sudden just racketing up, which would be fun, but possibly expensive -- there's a lot of food and money involved in keeping my body quiet (although I know it's only a mere fraction of what many of my male friends consume).
I could have sworn I had something actually interesting to say here, but for the life of me I can't really think of it. My celebrations about the lack of sauna-ness of my apartment were probably a little bit too soon; while I do once again have heat, the thermostat is still on the same delayed reaction cycle that it was on before. I brought the temperature up (partly to test that I wasn't mistaken and I did, in fact have heat), and now I'm trying to convince it to go back down to a reasonable temperature once more. It makes for more comfortable sleeping, at the very least (which last night kinda wasn't).
There we go. I was hunting through my archives in an attempt to uncover when Gord's birthday was. I found the evening we went out for Chinese, but I'm not sure of the actual date (I think it's the 3rd, but I'm a loser and can't remember anyone's birthdays unless I write them down). It's always interesting reading through the archives and seeing what was going on in my life at that time, and how different it was from now... Ah, nostalgia, my good friend. And actually, from that time (well, thereabouts, February 12th): "A quote: "Well, that was my first thought, then I decided "Why not actually /playing/ the game instead of molesting helpless CG monkeys?" Then I decided "CG monkeys are more fun than playing the game," and I molested my monkey.""
I know who said it, but I totally don't remember what brought it on. What game were we played that had CG monkeys?!
I also found my post that featured my fish plotting against me, so let's show some love for that bit of genius. I can call it genius when it's my own writing, right?
And another quote from same source as before: ""It's not a toy... it's a meaty piece of manmeat." " Man, I love having friends and boyfriends and exes who can make me laugh. :)
I got Ben good on one about a week ago or so. See, the night that we went to the spaghettif-fest-o-rama, Ben and I were clowning around as we were about to leave, and I punched him lightly in the stomach. He retaliated with a fist to mine, then started taking off... so I turned and *very lightly* squeezed and felt something squishy -- I figured I'd grabbed peenie. He claims it was nuts, so whatever.
Anyhow, we were talking online a few nights ago, and I was getting ready for bed, so I said to him, "I got sack that needs hitting, and for once it ain't yours. ;)" He said he almost sprayed milk out his nose. Oh yeah, I'm the funny.
*dances*
And last night one of my neighbours was baking bread, and it smelled really good. I was told I should invite myself over for some, but I don't think they'd have appreciated me in my pyjamas, with my little gut hanging out. Have I mentioned I totally sex myself up when I get home from work? Oh yeah, I'm hot shit. :)
Time for the gym... byebye.
Huh?
*sigh* I was feeling for awhile like I just didn't want to go to the gym, but I know I'll feel better after I go. Today is the day of errands. Actually, this week is the week of errands, and waiting to find out on things -- like if I've won the bid to get a PDA (just for reading on the bus, loser that I am), or its keyboard, or the Wrinkles backpack. What can I say? I'm forming my own wacky sense of style.
Along those lines, I have what I've termed my crazy cat lady bag that my mom got me for Christmas. This bag has been complimented by a number of my coworkers, an anonymous older lady at Future Shop, and just most recently a coworker around my age at the station. It's also been critiqued/mocked by a coworker at the station, but he's someone that half the time I don't mind and the other half the time I want to pound into a bloody pulp because he's so stupid, immature and obnoxious.
I am the Queen of tolerance and love.
Yesterday I dealt with the bitchy nurse at my doctor's office, and semi-bullied her into giving me another appointment with my doctor. I'm *tired* of not understanding what the hell my body is doing at any given moment, and I'm tired of eating primarily bread. Not to mention I'm tired of being so damn hungry all the time, contrasted with feeling sick or not interested in eating whatever I buy/prepare (although that last part could be tied into PMS, joy that that is). I was saying to my coworker that it could be my metabolism all of a sudden just racketing up, which would be fun, but possibly expensive -- there's a lot of food and money involved in keeping my body quiet (although I know it's only a mere fraction of what many of my male friends consume).
I could have sworn I had something actually interesting to say here, but for the life of me I can't really think of it. My celebrations about the lack of sauna-ness of my apartment were probably a little bit too soon; while I do once again have heat, the thermostat is still on the same delayed reaction cycle that it was on before. I brought the temperature up (partly to test that I wasn't mistaken and I did, in fact have heat), and now I'm trying to convince it to go back down to a reasonable temperature once more. It makes for more comfortable sleeping, at the very least (which last night kinda wasn't).
There we go. I was hunting through my archives in an attempt to uncover when Gord's birthday was. I found the evening we went out for Chinese, but I'm not sure of the actual date (I think it's the 3rd, but I'm a loser and can't remember anyone's birthdays unless I write them down). It's always interesting reading through the archives and seeing what was going on in my life at that time, and how different it was from now... Ah, nostalgia, my good friend. And actually, from that time (well, thereabouts, February 12th): "A quote: "Well, that was my first thought, then I decided "Why not actually /playing/ the game instead of molesting helpless CG monkeys?" Then I decided "CG monkeys are more fun than playing the game," and I molested my monkey.""
I know who said it, but I totally don't remember what brought it on. What game were we played that had CG monkeys?!
I also found my post that featured my fish plotting against me, so let's show some love for that bit of genius. I can call it genius when it's my own writing, right?
And another quote from same source as before: ""It's not a toy... it's a meaty piece of manmeat." " Man, I love having friends and boyfriends and exes who can make me laugh. :)
I got Ben good on one about a week ago or so. See, the night that we went to the spaghettif-fest-o-rama, Ben and I were clowning around as we were about to leave, and I punched him lightly in the stomach. He retaliated with a fist to mine, then started taking off... so I turned and *very lightly* squeezed and felt something squishy -- I figured I'd grabbed peenie. He claims it was nuts, so whatever.
Anyhow, we were talking online a few nights ago, and I was getting ready for bed, so I said to him, "I got sack that needs hitting, and for once it ain't yours. ;)" He said he almost sprayed milk out his nose. Oh yeah, I'm the funny.
*dances*
And last night one of my neighbours was baking bread, and it smelled really good. I was told I should invite myself over for some, but I don't think they'd have appreciated me in my pyjamas, with my little gut hanging out. Have I mentioned I totally sex myself up when I get home from work? Oh yeah, I'm hot shit. :)
Time for the gym... byebye.
2004/01/18
Being horny is fun. I wonder if I'll start complaining about being horny again? I guess we shall see.
I like the feeling of someone sucking on my neck. This is probably why, at times, I have had the experience of hickies -- I find the sucking that creates hickies to be really pleasurable. I also find hickies rather amusing, so it doesn't bother me to have them, I just feel somewhat weird about wandering around with them when I'm in a professional environment. Wearing a turtleneck in the summer isn't always fun (although the one time I did it, I happened to be cold at work that day, so it balanced out nicely).
I was thinking about why it is I like vampire books on my walk home from work tonight, and the nearest I can figure (facetiously) is that it's because I like to be bitten on the neck. :) It's a weird thing to try to describe to someone; I find the slide of teeth across my neck when it's wet (like after it's been licked by someone) to be really arousing, and sometimes, in the right location, a nice hard bite can feel great, too -- it's a wake-up to your senses. Sucking, as I said, is great, and the feeling of beard stubble scratching against my neck, dry or wet, is wonderful.
It's not all of my neck that's this sensitive, either; mainly right along the tendon, especially where my shoulder and neck meet to form a nice little hollow. At least, it's a hollow that my nerves appreciate, and I appreciate it on other people; I love to pay attention to someone with a sensitive neck or ears.
I have a check-list of sensitive body parts I like in a guy; neck, ears, nipples and testicles. Anything on top of that is golden, of course, but these are body parts I like to pay attention to, and it's always a bit of a let-down if they aren't sensitive for the guy. It feels like I'm missing out on something if I can't play with a guy’s nipples – it like there’s his lips, and then maybe his dick. Where’s the fun in-between? :)
Ah well. I was going to try to turn this into an article, but I already have one semi-worked, and I don't really know where I'm going with this, so for now it'll stay here. Maybe another time.
When I open explorer to look at my gallery of digicam photos, it always amuses me that the thumbnail of one of the galleries is this totally goonie, evil-looking photo of Ben. I want to post it here, but I want to check with him first, and he's not online, so no love for you guys -- just my word that it's a funny picture.
In the meantime, I'm apparently going to sort through my galleries and remove all the incriminating photos -- or at least, move them to another location. Oh yeah. But I want to share a picture with you anyhow, so just a second here...
Hrm. Well, in the interests of not totally pissing everyone off and not currently being able to thumbnail and/or properly edit pictures (lack of software and intelligence), never mind. Another time, like after I actually set up an online gallery. :)
I like the feeling of someone sucking on my neck. This is probably why, at times, I have had the experience of hickies -- I find the sucking that creates hickies to be really pleasurable. I also find hickies rather amusing, so it doesn't bother me to have them, I just feel somewhat weird about wandering around with them when I'm in a professional environment. Wearing a turtleneck in the summer isn't always fun (although the one time I did it, I happened to be cold at work that day, so it balanced out nicely).
I was thinking about why it is I like vampire books on my walk home from work tonight, and the nearest I can figure (facetiously) is that it's because I like to be bitten on the neck. :) It's a weird thing to try to describe to someone; I find the slide of teeth across my neck when it's wet (like after it's been licked by someone) to be really arousing, and sometimes, in the right location, a nice hard bite can feel great, too -- it's a wake-up to your senses. Sucking, as I said, is great, and the feeling of beard stubble scratching against my neck, dry or wet, is wonderful.
It's not all of my neck that's this sensitive, either; mainly right along the tendon, especially where my shoulder and neck meet to form a nice little hollow. At least, it's a hollow that my nerves appreciate, and I appreciate it on other people; I love to pay attention to someone with a sensitive neck or ears.
I have a check-list of sensitive body parts I like in a guy; neck, ears, nipples and testicles. Anything on top of that is golden, of course, but these are body parts I like to pay attention to, and it's always a bit of a let-down if they aren't sensitive for the guy. It feels like I'm missing out on something if I can't play with a guy’s nipples – it like there’s his lips, and then maybe his dick. Where’s the fun in-between? :)
Ah well. I was going to try to turn this into an article, but I already have one semi-worked, and I don't really know where I'm going with this, so for now it'll stay here. Maybe another time.
When I open explorer to look at my gallery of digicam photos, it always amuses me that the thumbnail of one of the galleries is this totally goonie, evil-looking photo of Ben. I want to post it here, but I want to check with him first, and he's not online, so no love for you guys -- just my word that it's a funny picture.
In the meantime, I'm apparently going to sort through my galleries and remove all the incriminating photos -- or at least, move them to another location. Oh yeah. But I want to share a picture with you anyhow, so just a second here...
Hrm. Well, in the interests of not totally pissing everyone off and not currently being able to thumbnail and/or properly edit pictures (lack of software and intelligence), never mind. Another time, like after I actually set up an online gallery. :)
Well, the knitting course went pretty well. I now have the makings for two scarves, so we shall see how they turn out. I'll be a knitting machine!
I spent the night at the folks' place, and my mom was pissing me off last night; one of the first thing she does upon getting home is poke me in the stomach and say, "I see you're getting quite the belly!" Thanks Mom. Me and the baby are doing great, thanks for asking. :P
Then she was bitching me out for not having asked specifically about people's health; I'm thinking, I call the house periodically so I can get updated on the haps, and half the time you can't get me off the phone fast enough. What the fuck? Ah well. Hung out with some crew for a bit before heading home and things were a bit better.
I went to bed downstairs and got some mad snuggling from Digger. He's such an awesome cat. I got some pictures and some video of him and Shadow playing earlier, which I will post at some point or another (kinda sorta waiting for this new move and all, but it keeps not happening -- I think we're now a month past when people absolutely no questions asked wanted to have it done. I don't know what's going on; I just type in the pretty box and my words get sent to you. I don't know anything about coding, beyond what's necessary to break my site :). I didn't get him eating on his hind legs, but I did get him playing with his catnip bag, so that's gold material right there.
I woke up at some point in the night thinking, "Where the hell am I?" which doesn't happen to me very often -- regardless of where I fall asleep, unless it's on a bus (at which point, it's more "where is the bus right now?"), I don't have any moments of uncertainty when I wake up, at least about where I am. There's often the, "Do I really need to be up right now?" feeling, and sometimes I have to cycle through what day of the week it is so I can determine that yes, dammit, I do need to be awake.
Ah well. Speaking of awake and whatnot, I still am and I really shouldn't be, so I'm off to the bed.
I spent the night at the folks' place, and my mom was pissing me off last night; one of the first thing she does upon getting home is poke me in the stomach and say, "I see you're getting quite the belly!" Thanks Mom. Me and the baby are doing great, thanks for asking. :P
Then she was bitching me out for not having asked specifically about people's health; I'm thinking, I call the house periodically so I can get updated on the haps, and half the time you can't get me off the phone fast enough. What the fuck? Ah well. Hung out with some crew for a bit before heading home and things were a bit better.
I went to bed downstairs and got some mad snuggling from Digger. He's such an awesome cat. I got some pictures and some video of him and Shadow playing earlier, which I will post at some point or another (kinda sorta waiting for this new move and all, but it keeps not happening -- I think we're now a month past when people absolutely no questions asked wanted to have it done. I don't know what's going on; I just type in the pretty box and my words get sent to you. I don't know anything about coding, beyond what's necessary to break my site :). I didn't get him eating on his hind legs, but I did get him playing with his catnip bag, so that's gold material right there.
I woke up at some point in the night thinking, "Where the hell am I?" which doesn't happen to me very often -- regardless of where I fall asleep, unless it's on a bus (at which point, it's more "where is the bus right now?"), I don't have any moments of uncertainty when I wake up, at least about where I am. There's often the, "Do I really need to be up right now?" feeling, and sometimes I have to cycle through what day of the week it is so I can determine that yes, dammit, I do need to be awake.
Ah well. Speaking of awake and whatnot, I still am and I really shouldn't be, so I'm off to the bed.
2004/01/16
Huh. I thought I'd score higher, but whatever:
I am 43% Internet Addict
I could go either way. Deep into the madness of nights filled with coding CGI-Scripts and online role playing games, or I could become a normal user. Good luck!
Take the Internet Addict Test at fuali.com
Anyhow, off shortly to the folks' place for the evening for hanging out with the cats and later the friends. Hopefully the heat situation will somehow work out in my favour; it's a little nippy in here with me having left the space heater off all day, but it's not really bad. The ones I feel the worst for are my fish; it's always the innocent who suffer.
Although... I don't know. There were some plotters in there. Damn fish plotters.
And the question/temptation remains; do I buy another fish? Do I buy something furry and mammalian to love? Or should I really just continue with the three little boys that I have, and try to avoid killing off anything else? After all, the fish are pretty good about not pestering me about where I go all the time. There are no probing questions, no accusatory stares; they're just happy to see me when I return. Would a hamster be that understanding? Would a mouse let me live my own life? Would a chinchilla get jealous of my hours and schedule?
I gotta tell you, there's nothing worse than the haughty stare and disapproving glare that mammals can give you sometimes. Chloe was notorious for it; I went away for a weekend one time, and she ignored me for three days straight. But when I went to Vancouver for about a week, she was so happy to see me back that she crawled all over me. I miss my sweetie.
I am 43% Internet Addict
I could go either way. Deep into the madness of nights filled with coding CGI-Scripts and online role playing games, or I could become a normal user. Good luck!
Take the Internet Addict Test at fuali.com
Anyhow, off shortly to the folks' place for the evening for hanging out with the cats and later the friends. Hopefully the heat situation will somehow work out in my favour; it's a little nippy in here with me having left the space heater off all day, but it's not really bad. The ones I feel the worst for are my fish; it's always the innocent who suffer.
Although... I don't know. There were some plotters in there. Damn fish plotters.
And the question/temptation remains; do I buy another fish? Do I buy something furry and mammalian to love? Or should I really just continue with the three little boys that I have, and try to avoid killing off anything else? After all, the fish are pretty good about not pestering me about where I go all the time. There are no probing questions, no accusatory stares; they're just happy to see me when I return. Would a hamster be that understanding? Would a mouse let me live my own life? Would a chinchilla get jealous of my hours and schedule?
I gotta tell you, there's nothing worse than the haughty stare and disapproving glare that mammals can give you sometimes. Chloe was notorious for it; I went away for a weekend one time, and she ignored me for three days straight. But when I went to Vancouver for about a week, she was so happy to see me back that she crawled all over me. I miss my sweetie.
Okay, so, the last few days have been kinda pooey on the grand scheme of Jen's life sucks at times.
How's that for grammatical pain and misery?
Let's see, here's a list:
Wednesday evening, the heat (kinda sorta) goes out. My apartment rebels against having served as a sauna for the last while, and punishes me by staying at a balmy 17 degrees. I discover that the flannel sheets that my mom got me for Christmas aren't, in fact, flannel sheets, but a flannel pillow sham and duvet cover. I don't have a duvet, and my pillow feels quite real and non-sham like, so nearly a month past Christmas, we may have to try to return these things. No one I know owns a duvet. :-\ (Plus, when I move again next year, I want to get a new bed anyhow, so I don't really want to invest money in sheets for this one, unless I move it too and use it in a guest room or something).
So whatever, grab the flannel pyjama bottoms, thick socks and a polar fleece top, lots of blankets, snuggle down, decent night's sleep.
Thursday morning, still cold. I run into the shower, which feels good, but whatever part of my body isn't under the water does feel the chill. Dry off, pull on the pants, run into the bedroom and wrap the polar fleece blanket around my shoulders. I did my best to dress this way, too; blanket around the shoulders to stay warm. :)
Anyhow, work was okay, usual average day, then it was off to the gym. Everything's going well, until (*cue ominous music*)... one particular ab move that my trainer was having me do. I'm lying on my back on a mat, and she's standing above me. She throws me the medicine ball, I reach my arms up to touch it to the ground over my head, then I sit up and throw it to her. We've done this before, with no adverse effects.
Well, this time something went wrong with the first throw, and I took the ball to the side of the face, knocking my glasses askew. Sure enough, they'd gotten bent. My trainer was all apologetic, but I didn't really care; that kind of thing happens, and it's not like they couldn't be fixed. Big deal. So we did the rest of the workout with me sans glasses, which, once I get used to seeing the world kinda blurred, isn't that big of a deal. My glasses came apart on me one day at the gym at the start of my workout (I was just there on my own) and I did the rest of it without 'em. It's kinda neat, 'cause you wind up in your own little world and less distracted by other people.
After we finished that workout, we were standing about seven or eight feet apart and doing various exercises that way. One of them involved her throwing it to me, then me throwing it back to her. Well, the first time she did it I was understandably a little cautious, what with the lack of vision and all, and she kinda laughed when I caught it. I said something about her seeing the look of abject terror on my face, and she laughed again. I think I might've looked a little worried a few times, but otherwise everything was fine.
I got to use boxing gloves yesterday, too -- the kinds you use when you're doing kick-boxing and stuff. She held up the targets and I did various punching exercises, and that was kinda fun. Better watch out everyone; I pack a pretty pathetic punch. But my triceps are a little more obvious now, so someday soon...
We also did chin-ups and even dips (a new one for me) on the gravitron and she said that when I did the dips I was doing really well. She was telling me that I had really good form, and that I'm getting strong -- she's removed 20 lbs from the stack (the gravitron works with your own body weight, minus whatever weight stack you have, so removing from the stack makes it more of your own weight you're lifting), and I'm doing well. Yay, me! :)
So aside from the glasses fiasco, the gym was good times. Afterwards, I trudged upstairs to get the glasses fixed, where the girl asked first if I'd bought them there, to which I said no, and then she said that they could try to fix my glasses, but if something happened, they couldn't be held responsible. Now, they do have a sign that says the same thing, but still -- I was thinking if something did happen, I damn well was going to hold them responsible. I was feeling kinda ragey at that point. *grrr*
Since it was going to be a half-hour, I went and found a bench and read. Now, I hadn't bothered to dry my hair, since I was just heading home; I'd just washed and brushed it, then stuffed it under my loser hat and that was that. This meant that I had a bit of a cold head going on -- nothing too bad, but it wasn't the best feeling. Of course, the bench that I sat down on seemed to be directly beneath a draft or an air-conditioning vent, so I wasn't the most comfortable while I waited. :P So much for my dreams of going home and being toasty warm, right? Maybe sitting under all those windows wasn't the best of ideas.
Anyhow, glasses were fine, no problems -- I was dreading them breaking, having to get a new pair, wear contacts today to work, and so on and so forth, but it was fine. Weird thing was that just today I'd thought about wearing contacts to the gym, but I don't have any solution yet -- and I'm lazy. :) (Contacts aren't fun to take out when you have long or fake nails. :P)
I got home, and rather than a stifling blast of heat to greet me, there was a little space heater. My apartment was a comfortable 20 degrees, and even the bedroom was at a decent temperature (I guess there are some advantages to having a small place). I left the thing running overnight, but I kept it where it was, on top of the DVD player and near the fish (though pointed away from them). I also unplugged it before I left the house; save myself some electricity and whatnot.
Since I was feeling kinda lazy on the dinner department, I decided to make myself a grilled cheese sandwich. The light above the stove was on, since I was working in that space, and my floor lamp was on, because it's my primary light source -- it's brighter than having both overhead lights turned on. :P I also had the television on and the space heater running. I'm just setting the scene for you all, so you can follow. I put the bread in my crappy toaster oven to defrost, and when it finished its run and made its clunk sound (rather than ding, which a quality toaster oven would do) to signify it was done, the television, space heater, floor lamp, microwave, computer and clock radio (both in my bedroom) all shut off. My mind registered the light that was still on in the kitchen, so I knew the power wasn't out, I'd just tripped a breaker. 'Cause I'm dumb and despite knowing the drain that a space heater makes on a circuit, hadn't really realized it.
(The news just said that temperates are "several" degrees below normal. Oh yeah, several -- normal ranges for now are between -7 and -15 I seem to recall, and we're at like, -31. Oh yeah, "several.")
So, having looked around at various panels in my apartment already, I knew to go into my bedroom and take a peek at what was there. Admittedly, I picked up my cordless phone initially to see if I could call my dad on it if I needed to ('cause you see, cordless phones needs 'lectricity), but that was just a backup. Looked at the panel, saw one out of line, pushed it back, and ta-dah! Magic happened. ("Trumpy, you can do *stupid* things!")
Aside from that, the evening was moderately quiet until D called and said that rumours were circulating around our old workplace about things we'd supposedly gotten up to. I talked it over with him, explained the two people that I could think of where it might've come from (as most of my discussions about relationships took place with my close friends, not people I worked with), and told him that I'd back him up with whatever he wanted to say to deal with it. I've had too many times where there have been rumours circulating about me, so I understand how frustrating and depressing it is.
It made me realize this morning how much I prefer working with people who are senior to me, as opposed to people my age or younger. At some places, it's primarily kids, and they *gossip* like you wouldn't believe. Everyone is against everyone else, and it's so cliquish and obnoxious, and it's something that I've found whenever I'm surrounded by young people. Whereas here in the government, or even my old daytime job, I was working with people who were in their 30s and 40s, and they've put all that bitchy bullshit behind them -- for the most part. I know this isn't a hard and fast rule, but it's certainly applied so far. When people are married and have families, they care less about who in the office is dating who, or what that person might've done with their girlfriend or boyfriend, or even trying to backstab someone to get ahead in life. I only wish I'd started here sooner, so I could've rid myself of the bookstore dust sooner... but what can you do?
*sigh* People suck. :P
I think that was the end of the bad yesterday. I chatted with some friends online, then decided to just head off to bed -- I needed the rest rather desperately. Wow -- CAA had 300 calls per hour in Ontario yesterday. Sorry, news interruption. :) Apparently parking cops didn't go out yesterday, so that was kinda nice. :)
Today I'm heading home at some point to spend the night with the folks and the cats, then I'm learning how to knit. Yay, knitting! :) In the evening is skating, so long as the weather stays mild; I'm not going out if it's below say, -15, especially if it's windy. I'll be proud of being a wimp, thank you very much -- my ears are still somewhat sore from a few days ago, when I think they might've gotten frostbitten. :P
I went and saw Big Fish on Tuesday. I enjoyed what I got to see of it; somewhere about 20 or 30 minutes before the end of the movie, the fire alarm went off and we had to clear out. :P I don't really want to watch the whole thing again just to find out how it ends, so I'm either going to have to "find" it, or wait until it comes out on video (or pester Heather until she tells me. :)
And this is long enough, so I think it's time to study or something (note to self: take study materials home). Yay, studying. :P
How's that for grammatical pain and misery?
Let's see, here's a list:
Wednesday evening, the heat (kinda sorta) goes out. My apartment rebels against having served as a sauna for the last while, and punishes me by staying at a balmy 17 degrees. I discover that the flannel sheets that my mom got me for Christmas aren't, in fact, flannel sheets, but a flannel pillow sham and duvet cover. I don't have a duvet, and my pillow feels quite real and non-sham like, so nearly a month past Christmas, we may have to try to return these things. No one I know owns a duvet. :-\ (Plus, when I move again next year, I want to get a new bed anyhow, so I don't really want to invest money in sheets for this one, unless I move it too and use it in a guest room or something).
So whatever, grab the flannel pyjama bottoms, thick socks and a polar fleece top, lots of blankets, snuggle down, decent night's sleep.
Thursday morning, still cold. I run into the shower, which feels good, but whatever part of my body isn't under the water does feel the chill. Dry off, pull on the pants, run into the bedroom and wrap the polar fleece blanket around my shoulders. I did my best to dress this way, too; blanket around the shoulders to stay warm. :)
Anyhow, work was okay, usual average day, then it was off to the gym. Everything's going well, until (*cue ominous music*)... one particular ab move that my trainer was having me do. I'm lying on my back on a mat, and she's standing above me. She throws me the medicine ball, I reach my arms up to touch it to the ground over my head, then I sit up and throw it to her. We've done this before, with no adverse effects.
Well, this time something went wrong with the first throw, and I took the ball to the side of the face, knocking my glasses askew. Sure enough, they'd gotten bent. My trainer was all apologetic, but I didn't really care; that kind of thing happens, and it's not like they couldn't be fixed. Big deal. So we did the rest of the workout with me sans glasses, which, once I get used to seeing the world kinda blurred, isn't that big of a deal. My glasses came apart on me one day at the gym at the start of my workout (I was just there on my own) and I did the rest of it without 'em. It's kinda neat, 'cause you wind up in your own little world and less distracted by other people.
After we finished that workout, we were standing about seven or eight feet apart and doing various exercises that way. One of them involved her throwing it to me, then me throwing it back to her. Well, the first time she did it I was understandably a little cautious, what with the lack of vision and all, and she kinda laughed when I caught it. I said something about her seeing the look of abject terror on my face, and she laughed again. I think I might've looked a little worried a few times, but otherwise everything was fine.
I got to use boxing gloves yesterday, too -- the kinds you use when you're doing kick-boxing and stuff. She held up the targets and I did various punching exercises, and that was kinda fun. Better watch out everyone; I pack a pretty pathetic punch. But my triceps are a little more obvious now, so someday soon...
We also did chin-ups and even dips (a new one for me) on the gravitron and she said that when I did the dips I was doing really well. She was telling me that I had really good form, and that I'm getting strong -- she's removed 20 lbs from the stack (the gravitron works with your own body weight, minus whatever weight stack you have, so removing from the stack makes it more of your own weight you're lifting), and I'm doing well. Yay, me! :)
So aside from the glasses fiasco, the gym was good times. Afterwards, I trudged upstairs to get the glasses fixed, where the girl asked first if I'd bought them there, to which I said no, and then she said that they could try to fix my glasses, but if something happened, they couldn't be held responsible. Now, they do have a sign that says the same thing, but still -- I was thinking if something did happen, I damn well was going to hold them responsible. I was feeling kinda ragey at that point. *grrr*
Since it was going to be a half-hour, I went and found a bench and read. Now, I hadn't bothered to dry my hair, since I was just heading home; I'd just washed and brushed it, then stuffed it under my loser hat and that was that. This meant that I had a bit of a cold head going on -- nothing too bad, but it wasn't the best feeling. Of course, the bench that I sat down on seemed to be directly beneath a draft or an air-conditioning vent, so I wasn't the most comfortable while I waited. :P So much for my dreams of going home and being toasty warm, right? Maybe sitting under all those windows wasn't the best of ideas.
Anyhow, glasses were fine, no problems -- I was dreading them breaking, having to get a new pair, wear contacts today to work, and so on and so forth, but it was fine. Weird thing was that just today I'd thought about wearing contacts to the gym, but I don't have any solution yet -- and I'm lazy. :) (Contacts aren't fun to take out when you have long or fake nails. :P)
I got home, and rather than a stifling blast of heat to greet me, there was a little space heater. My apartment was a comfortable 20 degrees, and even the bedroom was at a decent temperature (I guess there are some advantages to having a small place). I left the thing running overnight, but I kept it where it was, on top of the DVD player and near the fish (though pointed away from them). I also unplugged it before I left the house; save myself some electricity and whatnot.
Since I was feeling kinda lazy on the dinner department, I decided to make myself a grilled cheese sandwich. The light above the stove was on, since I was working in that space, and my floor lamp was on, because it's my primary light source -- it's brighter than having both overhead lights turned on. :P I also had the television on and the space heater running. I'm just setting the scene for you all, so you can follow. I put the bread in my crappy toaster oven to defrost, and when it finished its run and made its clunk sound (rather than ding, which a quality toaster oven would do) to signify it was done, the television, space heater, floor lamp, microwave, computer and clock radio (both in my bedroom) all shut off. My mind registered the light that was still on in the kitchen, so I knew the power wasn't out, I'd just tripped a breaker. 'Cause I'm dumb and despite knowing the drain that a space heater makes on a circuit, hadn't really realized it.
(The news just said that temperates are "several" degrees below normal. Oh yeah, several -- normal ranges for now are between -7 and -15 I seem to recall, and we're at like, -31. Oh yeah, "several.")
So, having looked around at various panels in my apartment already, I knew to go into my bedroom and take a peek at what was there. Admittedly, I picked up my cordless phone initially to see if I could call my dad on it if I needed to ('cause you see, cordless phones needs 'lectricity), but that was just a backup. Looked at the panel, saw one out of line, pushed it back, and ta-dah! Magic happened. ("Trumpy, you can do *stupid* things!")
Aside from that, the evening was moderately quiet until D called and said that rumours were circulating around our old workplace about things we'd supposedly gotten up to. I talked it over with him, explained the two people that I could think of where it might've come from (as most of my discussions about relationships took place with my close friends, not people I worked with), and told him that I'd back him up with whatever he wanted to say to deal with it. I've had too many times where there have been rumours circulating about me, so I understand how frustrating and depressing it is.
It made me realize this morning how much I prefer working with people who are senior to me, as opposed to people my age or younger. At some places, it's primarily kids, and they *gossip* like you wouldn't believe. Everyone is against everyone else, and it's so cliquish and obnoxious, and it's something that I've found whenever I'm surrounded by young people. Whereas here in the government, or even my old daytime job, I was working with people who were in their 30s and 40s, and they've put all that bitchy bullshit behind them -- for the most part. I know this isn't a hard and fast rule, but it's certainly applied so far. When people are married and have families, they care less about who in the office is dating who, or what that person might've done with their girlfriend or boyfriend, or even trying to backstab someone to get ahead in life. I only wish I'd started here sooner, so I could've rid myself of the bookstore dust sooner... but what can you do?
*sigh* People suck. :P
I think that was the end of the bad yesterday. I chatted with some friends online, then decided to just head off to bed -- I needed the rest rather desperately. Wow -- CAA had 300 calls per hour in Ontario yesterday. Sorry, news interruption. :) Apparently parking cops didn't go out yesterday, so that was kinda nice. :)
Today I'm heading home at some point to spend the night with the folks and the cats, then I'm learning how to knit. Yay, knitting! :) In the evening is skating, so long as the weather stays mild; I'm not going out if it's below say, -15, especially if it's windy. I'll be proud of being a wimp, thank you very much -- my ears are still somewhat sore from a few days ago, when I think they might've gotten frostbitten. :P
I went and saw Big Fish on Tuesday. I enjoyed what I got to see of it; somewhere about 20 or 30 minutes before the end of the movie, the fire alarm went off and we had to clear out. :P I don't really want to watch the whole thing again just to find out how it ends, so I'm either going to have to "find" it, or wait until it comes out on video (or pester Heather until she tells me. :)
And this is long enough, so I think it's time to study or something (note to self: take study materials home). Yay, studying. :P
2004/01/14
I hate my landlord, I hate my furnace, I hate my apartment, I hate apartment living, I hate being cold, I hate calling repair technicians and sounding like an idiot because I don't even know where the fucking furnace is, what kind it is, who owns it, where it's serviced, or any and all of the above.
I want to sit somewhere and just cry because I feel absolutely useless, and tired, and I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I want my heat to be fixed. But there's nothing much I can do about it until I know all the answers to the above questions, but I don't want to call my landlord again but I have to.
I hate this. Someone come take me away from all these problems, okay?
Okay, a few phone calls later, and maybe I don't hate my landlord. He was offering me a personal heater, and saying that I should call him if it gets unbearable for me, and he's up late. Maybe he's a nice guy and I should stop bitching.
But I'm *cold!*
Oh yeah, and there's more snow on my wall. *sigh*
I want to sit somewhere and just cry because I feel absolutely useless, and tired, and I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I want my heat to be fixed. But there's nothing much I can do about it until I know all the answers to the above questions, but I don't want to call my landlord again but I have to.
I hate this. Someone come take me away from all these problems, okay?
Okay, a few phone calls later, and maybe I don't hate my landlord. He was offering me a personal heater, and saying that I should call him if it gets unbearable for me, and he's up late. Maybe he's a nice guy and I should stop bitching.
But I'm *cold!*
Oh yeah, and there's more snow on my wall. *sigh*
Spam gets weirder and weirder every day. I think this is "stream of consciousness" spam:
Free CableTV!No more pay!%RND_SYB
counterpoise pandemic sent doltish beat doppler scops hundred roil compendia centennial department brassy photometry amtrak sibyl furrow housewares independent rival aluminate bore wall sapsucker jowly regina attain revisal oft arum disney upperclassman census
lakehurst roundup brainchildren dolce muscovy sybarite accretion peroxide bolo cavilling froze drowsy doorkeeper immediate bottommost prerequisite mendelevium bitterroot infirmary code aforementioned derail bolton peruse bless csnet sweater alginate oracular sturbridge apathy gut convict cockatoo flagstaff precipitous affluent
venezuela dilogarithm upland babysat carte bloodline dean jeremiah bony awash karma petit riffle dropout gibby celluloid clifton chipmunk deceitful individual masonic schoolhouse competent
vermouth ammerman iran mo swabby swore hoar bangor blur concentric
belvedere aisle dragonfly nil invention cerebral cohere introversion unisex belying wheedle tn whack lightweight poland buteo medic plexiglas automorphic fiction pius edging biota
dealt budgetary lippincott bloodshed antietam blunt crumble aberrate engine ray pacesetting lumpish stray equitation
ice clank transformation fangled stud starchy conjunct imperative watkins liaison duffy considerate day accident lake burke college gaillardia portent lysenko bushmaster floyd desideratum areawide abutting eligible
sportswrite darius packet siltation contrabass thousandth wolff contravene blinn compatriot addis v's hornwort alton complicity beautiful botanic conferrable monsieur strap dice green amphibious tamale malraux
mandate stupefy berserk tenuous armadillo astrophysics blouse pace chill kitchenette billow global logo rapid handiwork chimique cosmology intoxicate intimidate annuity csnet singleton glans bogota cook soon nielsen yiddish daniel candelabra
yoke borax loggerhead sunscreen hopscotch axiology prospector tycoon comply inequitable
o'connell encore pad obfuscate oedipus bleeker danubian imperate adequate romulus boyfriend palm pasadena twinkle dynamic decisional penrose brother southpaw cit beget belch delectable don't burtt kiss cowpox scat loaf
Free CableTV!No more pay!%RND_SYB
counterpoise pandemic sent doltish beat doppler scops hundred roil compendia centennial department brassy photometry amtrak sibyl furrow housewares independent rival aluminate bore wall sapsucker jowly regina attain revisal oft arum disney upperclassman census
lakehurst roundup brainchildren dolce muscovy sybarite accretion peroxide bolo cavilling froze drowsy doorkeeper immediate bottommost prerequisite mendelevium bitterroot infirmary code aforementioned derail bolton peruse bless csnet sweater alginate oracular sturbridge apathy gut convict cockatoo flagstaff precipitous affluent
venezuela dilogarithm upland babysat carte bloodline dean jeremiah bony awash karma petit riffle dropout gibby celluloid clifton chipmunk deceitful individual masonic schoolhouse competent
vermouth ammerman iran mo swabby swore hoar bangor blur concentric
belvedere aisle dragonfly nil invention cerebral cohere introversion unisex belying wheedle tn whack lightweight poland buteo medic plexiglas automorphic fiction pius edging biota
dealt budgetary lippincott bloodshed antietam blunt crumble aberrate engine ray pacesetting lumpish stray equitation
ice clank transformation fangled stud starchy conjunct imperative watkins liaison duffy considerate day accident lake burke college gaillardia portent lysenko bushmaster floyd desideratum areawide abutting eligible
sportswrite darius packet siltation contrabass thousandth wolff contravene blinn compatriot addis v's hornwort alton complicity beautiful botanic conferrable monsieur strap dice green amphibious tamale malraux
mandate stupefy berserk tenuous armadillo astrophysics blouse pace chill kitchenette billow global logo rapid handiwork chimique cosmology intoxicate intimidate annuity csnet singleton glans bogota cook soon nielsen yiddish daniel candelabra
yoke borax loggerhead sunscreen hopscotch axiology prospector tycoon comply inequitable
o'connell encore pad obfuscate oedipus bleeker danubian imperate adequate romulus boyfriend palm pasadena twinkle dynamic decisional penrose brother southpaw cit beget belch delectable don't burtt kiss cowpox scat loaf
2004/01/12
Monday
I wake up and do most of my morning routine. I head over to feed the fish and notice that Peacock, who's been looking a little off lately, is dead (I think his escape attempt during my cleaning of his tank on Saturday may have been a hint).
I don't have a lot of time left before I have to leave, but I'm not about to leave a dead fish in that small tank with a live one, and the water is looking fairly off to begin with. I grab the single-capacity tank that I have, open it up, and fill it up with water.
I bring the double tank over to the sink and start pouring out the water, keeping an eye on the two fish in the tank. Now, I should point out here that my sink is half-full of dirty dishes, so I really don’t want to lose any fish if I can avoid it.
I place the double tank on the outside of the sink (on a small region of “counter space”, not even a half-foot wide), and I move a few dishes about to try to make a more secure ground for the little tank and the transferring of Stick to his new home.
Somewhere in this process (and the events are quite jumbled, I assure you), I manage to knock the double tank, throwing both fish into the sink, and the tank itself, replete with rocks and a decent amount of water still, onto the carpeted floor.
So begins the rescue attempt for poor Stick, flopping about on the dirty plate. I scoop him up and get him in, pour out a bit of the excess water, and set him aside.
Then, I get to pick up poor ex-Peacock and step over the mess on the floor towards the bathroom, whereby I flush his poor little body down the toilet. Because I was holding him by the tail (first area I grabbed, I promise it wasn’t deliberate) and his tail is soft and slippery, the whole time I was gingerly stepping over the mess and trying to send him on his way, it felt as if he was falling. I really didn’t want to have to pick him up off another part of my apartment.
So, I’m now even more out of time, and I have a great big mess to clean up, because I really don’t want to come home to have to do it. Fortunately, when I moved out I got to take the upright vacuum cleaner with me, so there I was at 6:30 in the morning, vacuuming up fish rocks off my carpet and out of my bathroom (they’d scattered).
I’m sure my neighbours must have loved me, since the noise it made could delicately be called an absolute racket. If only it had been on the other side of the apartment, I could have been getting my revenge against the super-stompy neighbours, but alas; this was on the same side as the quiet ones. I can only hope that it is the staircase that abuts my bathroom wall, and not someone’s bedroom.
Task completed (or at least as completed as I could determine), I moved Stick back over with his other fishy brethren and put the vacuum cleaner away. I did not feed them, assuming that the stress from the cleaning of the tank and the stress from staring at their dead fishy brother all night meant that it wouldn’t be the best of ideas to feed them.
Monday. Kinda says it all, doesn’t it?
I wake up and do most of my morning routine. I head over to feed the fish and notice that Peacock, who's been looking a little off lately, is dead (I think his escape attempt during my cleaning of his tank on Saturday may have been a hint).
I don't have a lot of time left before I have to leave, but I'm not about to leave a dead fish in that small tank with a live one, and the water is looking fairly off to begin with. I grab the single-capacity tank that I have, open it up, and fill it up with water.
I bring the double tank over to the sink and start pouring out the water, keeping an eye on the two fish in the tank. Now, I should point out here that my sink is half-full of dirty dishes, so I really don’t want to lose any fish if I can avoid it.
I place the double tank on the outside of the sink (on a small region of “counter space”, not even a half-foot wide), and I move a few dishes about to try to make a more secure ground for the little tank and the transferring of Stick to his new home.
Somewhere in this process (and the events are quite jumbled, I assure you), I manage to knock the double tank, throwing both fish into the sink, and the tank itself, replete with rocks and a decent amount of water still, onto the carpeted floor.
So begins the rescue attempt for poor Stick, flopping about on the dirty plate. I scoop him up and get him in, pour out a bit of the excess water, and set him aside.
Then, I get to pick up poor ex-Peacock and step over the mess on the floor towards the bathroom, whereby I flush his poor little body down the toilet. Because I was holding him by the tail (first area I grabbed, I promise it wasn’t deliberate) and his tail is soft and slippery, the whole time I was gingerly stepping over the mess and trying to send him on his way, it felt as if he was falling. I really didn’t want to have to pick him up off another part of my apartment.
So, I’m now even more out of time, and I have a great big mess to clean up, because I really don’t want to come home to have to do it. Fortunately, when I moved out I got to take the upright vacuum cleaner with me, so there I was at 6:30 in the morning, vacuuming up fish rocks off my carpet and out of my bathroom (they’d scattered).
I’m sure my neighbours must have loved me, since the noise it made could delicately be called an absolute racket. If only it had been on the other side of the apartment, I could have been getting my revenge against the super-stompy neighbours, but alas; this was on the same side as the quiet ones. I can only hope that it is the staircase that abuts my bathroom wall, and not someone’s bedroom.
Task completed (or at least as completed as I could determine), I moved Stick back over with his other fishy brethren and put the vacuum cleaner away. I did not feed them, assuming that the stress from the cleaning of the tank and the stress from staring at their dead fishy brother all night meant that it wouldn’t be the best of ideas to feed them.
Monday. Kinda says it all, doesn’t it?
2004/01/11
Anyone want to nominate me or one of my sites for a Bloggie? Yeah, I didn't think so either. ;)
Anyhow, a few things that developed after I finished my post there... namely, I went to bed to discover a *big* build-up of frost on my wall, gluing some of my sheets to the wall. I love my apartment.
So, I think I'm going to write a book on the foibles and horror stories of apartment living -- little gathered anecdotes, incorporating stupid landlords, bad roommates, and weird happenings... like snow on your bedroom walls. I'm either going to call it, "There's a dildo in my soapdish: And other tales of apartment woes" or "It's snowing in my bedroom: And other tales of apartment walls." Somehow I think the second will garner more major market sales.
I had something else I want to write, but I can't think of what.
Anyhow, a few things that developed after I finished my post there... namely, I went to bed to discover a *big* build-up of frost on my wall, gluing some of my sheets to the wall. I love my apartment.
So, I think I'm going to write a book on the foibles and horror stories of apartment living -- little gathered anecdotes, incorporating stupid landlords, bad roommates, and weird happenings... like snow on your bedroom walls. I'm either going to call it, "There's a dildo in my soapdish: And other tales of apartment woes" or "It's snowing in my bedroom: And other tales of apartment walls." Somehow I think the second will garner more major market sales.
I had something else I want to write, but I can't think of what.
Well, I'm a lazy bum. I've just slugged around the apartment today, in my pjs. Nice times.
(And now I've posted this huge update that no one will read and that breaks my site in several places.)
However, I did get the fishies' tanks changed, so I do feel I've accomplished at least something minor. Peacock tried to make a run for it, but I got him and he seems to be doing okay.
I hung out with a few friends last night, just chatting all evening. I wound up getting home around 4 a.m., so I got to sleep about quarter after... and managed to sleep in this morning/afternoon until quarter after 2 -- so I really have a good reason for my lumpiness. Bell (I think; it was some long-distance number from Toronto) called me around 10 this morning, which woke me up; I laid there in bed listening to the phone ring, thinking, "I'll get up and retrieve the message later. Sorry whoever it is, but I'm not going to try to answer it now."
It's been a fairly active week. I went out to see my doctor on Tuesday to get all of my dread diseases checked out; thankfully, my lungs were clear and all, so no pneumonia or bronchitis, just a very lingering and annoying cough. Everything else seems okay, just annoying. Yes, the word of the day in regards to my body (for the last three weeks or so) is annoying.
Wednesday (I think), Ben and I hooked up for a bit to go to the comic book store to return some stuff I bought for store credit (note to self: Ben now owes me money ;)). Since they only do store credit, it meant we had to buy things. That was a hardship, but we managed. Of course, before that, we bought some tasty fajita/falafel sandwiches in the mall. Ben's sandwich, I'm sorry to say, since it was made with big meatballs of chickpea mush, looked like horse poo, and I lost no time in telling him such. I'm a great friend. :)
On Thursday I tried to make it into the gym, and I managed about a half-hour of weights when my trainer called an end to the session 'cause she said my muscles were simply exhausted. We were doing a fairly regular routine, although we did a new thing on the leg lifts and tucks -- it involved doing as many I could at gradually lowering weights. Very killer. I could feel myself getting a bit light-headed while we were doing steps on the box, but I kept drinking water and resting and thought I was okay. When I was doing the hip machine that opens outwards (I can't remember if that's the adducter or the other one), even at much less weight than I usually do, I was just absolutely shaking -- and not the little shakes that you sometimes get, but big, full muscle ones. So I did the bike for awhile at a low level, and even then I was feeling kinda off, and sweatier than I should've been. So after all of that misery, I went for a little nap in the tanning bed, and I felt a lot better afterwards.
Isn't that all fascinating? :) Anyhow, after that I got to run home and drop off my gym stuff, dry my hair and whatnot, then run to the mall to meet up with a friend for dinner and a performance. The show was interesting; it was two orchestral performances, the first being a Mozart piece, and the second being a series of sung poems about death and other happy subjects.
We weren't following the program at first to translate the pieces, but I figured they weren't happy in tone just by the musical cues; it sounded very minor-key, although I could very easily be totally off. Once we clued in, we were reading along and just amazed at some of what was there; one line in particular had one guy asking another, "were you born during one of your mother's fecal spasms?" Oh yeah, and this was set to music!
So he apologized afterwards for the content, saying he hadn't quite realized it was going to be quite so cheery and uplifting. No matter. We walked through the freezing cold to get to my place, then hung out for about an hour or so before I tossed him out so I could get some sleep. :)
The next day at work was semi-painful, at least initially. I was having a hard time getting moving in the morning, so I was speaking pretty slowly and incoherently, for a little bit. I perked up by the time we had our morning meeting (after about an hour and a half of being at work), since I realized that I was actually feeling not too bad for a change. I spent most of the day taking care of whatever needed it -- I had a few media calls I helped out on, so that was nice, and then I got to leave early (since I'd stayed late on Tuesday to help someone else apply for my job (well, sorta not really)... which reminds me -- on Tuesday I applied for my job.. meaning I may have an actual permanent government job (or be even closer on my way to one) by the spring, which is *awesome*). How's that for bracket abuse? :)
Anyhow, Friday I finally went and picked up my contacts (which I'd ordered a month ago), then wandered down the street to the bus route that takes me to my street, stopping in and spending lots of money at various stores while en route. I picked up a few technical music books, so I'll have something new and challenging to practice (and maybe I'll even go for Royal Conservatory?), once I retrieve my clarinet from the folks' place, of course, I bought Pirates of the Carribean, used, at Blockbuster, then I bought a few other DVDs -- the Jersey trilogy and Sex and the City season 5, and the newest Rufus Wainwright CD from Future Shop. Of course, all this money spending meant that by the time I caught my bus and got back home, it was in the middle of rush hour... so the travelling was a bit of a slow go. :P
Once I got home, what'd I do? Not a whole lot. Naw, scarfed down some dinner, did some dishes and watched some Buffy, then showered and got together with the aforementioned friends. I finally pinpointed what it was that I found annoying, and just filed it away for later discussion with trusted people.
Right now, I'm listening to the Muppets' 25th anniversary album, and I keep remembering how last week, at the spaghetti-fest-o-rama, we got to discussing the Muppets, and one girl and I broke into the theme song, complete with commentary by Statler and Waldorf (the grumpy old men). Good times. Ben thought we were weird, but then again, he always does. :)
Anyhow, now that the recitation portion of the post is over (and I've lost all but the few dedicated readers who actually "read" my posts and not those who just skim or give up in disgust), it's time for the discussion portion. Ben and I got to talking a bit about language the night we hung out, and I wanted to bring it up/reiterate it here. In part, I was commenting on how "you know" seems to have replaced (to a certain extent) "like" in people's speech patterns. I first noticed it once upon a time, before he was popular, with Eminem, but it's pretty wide-spread, and I think in a sense, more annoying. I don't know if people are trying to make their speech less aggressive and more inclusive or something, but it's irritating to hear, at least to me.
Not that I don't employ it myself, of course, but not nearly to the same extent as some people I hear. And only when I'm actually looking for someone's confirmation or accordance with what it is I'm saying.
From there, I was also mentioning how it is that language, especially within myself and my circle of friends, appears to have changed. It's more obvious in spoken conversation, but it also turns up in written text and our writing.
And just as a sidebar -- I just realized I totally missed the two-year mark for this blog. It was yesterday, January 9th.
There you go, two candles for the birthday, and one for good luck.
Anyhow, as examples of the kind of changes in communication, I'd like to present the following excerpt from what is a very typical conversation between Shawn and myself:
(This one follows me making a typo on someone's name).
Aphrodite: *sigh* Okay, so I'm STUPID !~!#WR Thanks for point it out. I cry.
Shawn: YES BUT I STILL LOVE YOU
Aphrodite: *sobs*
Shawn: This conversation, though hilarious, must now come to an end.
Aphrodite: God we have retarded conversations
Shawn: Oh, you're not dumb!
Aphrodite: Yeah, I gotta hit the sack
Shawn: Are you complaining? =D
Aphrodite: Yes. I cry.
Shawn: Well, me too.
Aphrodite: Good. Hah!
Shawn: I cry for the children. The children that give you money.
Aphrodite: See, I just beat them and then laugh. But that's me.
Shawn: While you sit on your throne as a 300-pound evil king/emperor.
Aphrodite: Why am I always fat and male?
Shawn: And eat and throw scraps at them and force them to dance for your amusement but they can't dance because they needs the money for their operations but they won't be having their operations because you are taking their money!
Shawn: Because it amuses me.
Aphrodite: *sob*
Aphrodite: Anyhow, I must go and shower. You're getting your jealousy all over me.
Here endeth the excerpt. Granted, it's not the best example, but it just goes to show how in some cases our conversations veer completely off-course, contain a multitude of fragments and nonsense, yet we both understand one another perfectly.
Actually... here's a *much* better example (although I wanted to post that first one 'cause it was just plain funny, and it follows Shawn asking if I was going to have sex with someone I'd just met):
Shawn: Does this mean that I *won't* be having sex?
Aphrodite: Yes and unlikely. Why does everyone think I'm a whore? :'(
Shawn: I don't! I was just being silly.
Aphrodite: And since you're mean, I'm going to curse you with anti-sex!
Shawn: See? *dances* Silly, silly! La la la.
Shawn: No-o-o-o-o!
Shawn: Not *again*!
Aphrodite: A single tear.
Aphrodite: *poke* Are you flailing and crying?
Aphrodite: Whilst frantically masturbating?
Shawn: Nah.
Shawn: Just perusing the ol' information superhighway.
Shawn: And feeling lonely. =P
Aphrodite: Trying to find my little nuggets of wisdom? :)
Shawn: And underwhelmed! A double-whammy, to be sure.
Aphrodite: I'll trade you lonely for sick.
Shawn: Yes! They're carefully hidden.
Aphrodite: I'm sneaky that way :)
Shawn: Deal. I'd love to be sick, but not lonely. Being lonely sucks. Sucks more than being sick, you see.
Shawn: Like easter eggs in DVDs! Or Strong Bad's cartoons.
Aphrodite: :)
Shawn: Psst. Find me love.
Shawn: It's over *there*.
Aphrodite: Umm... go out with Ben!
Shawn: YES
Shawn: It makes so much sense!
Aphrodite: :) I'm just cupid's cuter sister :)
Shawn: No, wait...
He says I am not a colleague. >=D
Aphrodite: Geez, get over it, bum :)
Shawn: BUT I CAN'T
Aphrodite: Obviously. Sheesh.
Shawn: Weren't you supposed to be finding me love and/or making babies?
Aphrodite: Well, I'm taking the night off. I'm sick -- and you reject my choices.
Shawn: Your choices are good! Really! I'll date Ben, I swear! I'll... I'll even have lots of sex with him!
Shawn: And write him poetry!
Aphrodite: I'm waiting for the "but"
Shawn: But...
Um...
You're pretty?
Aphrodite: Yes, that is my tragic flw.
Aphrodite: flaw
Shawn: Mine is that I'm a jerk!
Shawn: *is proud*
Aphrodite: Yeah, I've noted that. :)
Shawn: =)
Shawn: Well, you're a crazy bitch, so YOU WOULD!!11
Aphrodite: Ah well, at least you're eye candy
Aphrodite: {#(*@&{OIJT
Aphrodite: Rgl
Shawn: Oh, man, I'm good. Woof.
Aphrodite: That's my flailing
Shawn: *laughs*
Shawn: It made me happy. Down THERE
Aphrodite: I know, I saw
Shawn: Yeah. It's kinda long. Stetches downtown right good, it does!
And then we moved into an actual conversation. This really illustrates what I mean with sentence fragments, random insults, stupid comments, and so on and so on... I don't think it has a lot of the definite article, which gets a lot of use amongst us ("having the sex," for example), and I think it kinda came about after I started passing around the Real Life cartoon:
Maybe that isn't the cause, but sometimes it feels like it. :) I know that since I've been spending time with Shawn and Gord, my speech style has changed somewhat, at least with friends. I find that I have some friends that are great for witty repartee, and that can take the form of insults, or flirting, or just general commentary, and they, Ben, Mark, and a few other people I know, seem to fit into that category.
At the same time, I've developed a bit of a dry delivery (that not everyone picks up on, which can be frustrating or funny), as well as a more pronounced self-depricating style, and an overall general apathy about what I reveal about myself in some kinds of discussions. As I say constantly, I'll answer just about any question put to me, so long as I feel that the person asking me has a right to the answer. If it's a question I might not want to answer, and it's someone that I don't necessarily want to have that kind of information about me, I'll lie. But to people I respect, or people I'm interested in befriending, they'll generally get the honest answer.
I still try to protect peoples' feelings, which often backfires, but I'm trying to be better about that, too.
This subject kinda came up last night, too: I mentioned that it had been said to me by some people (Ben, Shawn and Gord, at the very least), that I let people know a lot about me, but only within certain boundaries. This is a communication model that I learned about in university, and I think it's pretty apt; basically, imagine that you have a series of concentric circles, divided up like a pie. Each circle represents a new depth of information that you share, and each slice of pie represents a subject or area of your life: work, personal life, health, money, whatever.
Some people might know a great deal about you in certain areas -- like maybe work and your working out, for example -- but very little about your home life or your personal interests (maybe your coworkers). Other people might know a little it of information about you in a whole bunch of areas (passing acquaintances), and finally, some people (very close or long-term friends) might know a great deal about you in a great number of areas, although not always to the same depth.
So when I started thinking about this last night, the image I now have in my head is of my own personal pie, as it were, with some areas filled in all the way, but some completely empty, or with maybe one bar filled in. And it makes me wonder, what do people perceive as being the pie slices that they don't hear about?
And this segues very nicely into my thoughts about myself (hah, so self-absorbed am I!) in regards to sharing information, and the power associated with it. I'm in complete agreement with the current thought that information is power, and I employ that sometimes in my relationships. Not as much my friendships, exactly, but even then sometimes -- if I don't entirely trust someone, or if I know they have ties to someone I'm dating or have dated, then I'm going to be careful about what I share with them, because I know there's a higher chance that information will get back to the (ex-)SO in question.
So, information. JW, one of the friends I spoke with last night, said that he thought there was nothing that I didn't share, because of this blog. However, I and Greg quickly refuted that by saying that my site is very heavily self-censored, and it's true. I'm too aware of the people who do and can read it at times, particularly in the ex-boyfriend world, and out of the interest of protecting them and myself, there is much that doesn't appear here. Namely, my sex and dating life, and my feelings on said topics (although sometimes I just need a place to vent, and it does appear).
(Wow, just took a huge IMDb-browsing/card-playing break. Now I'm back). So where was I? Information. I'm cautious about the emotions and the thoughts that I reveal sometimes, but there are times that I don't want certain people to know certain things about me. Like, not wanting an ex- to know that this or that hurts, or that I'm upset about something they're doing or not doing. I don't want them to know how I'm feeling, because then they can use that knowledge against me, or to boost their own ego, or whatever.
It's not necessarily logical -- I certainly don't sit there, feeling high and mighty on myself if someone I've broken up with is pining over me, so why should I assume my ex- would? -- but it's how I feel. The coworker used to accuse me of being obsessed with power, and of always wanting to have the power, but he was very wrong. It's not that I want to always have the power, or that I need it, because I actually think that I hand over a great deal of power to someone I'm seeing, and that I wear my heart on my sleeve. Rather, it's that I fear people having too much power over me. I'm uncomfortable making myself vulnerable, or admitting that something can affect me deeply, because that can be used against me, and I've had too many people (such as the coworker, such as UBFM), use the power I gave them against me. It's made me cautious and gun-shy... especially since I happen to be the queen of caring too long. A few years back, a lady read my star chart (or whatever it's called when they take your birthday and time of birth and tell you about you), and told me that I don't give my heart out a lot, but when I do, it's fully-given, and that's something that really resonated at the time, since I was getting over J. I find I can't truly let go of someone until I totally fall for someone else. :P Even then, I still care about the other person, but it doesn't hurt to be around them or talk to/about them.
And it then seems as if whenever I allow myself to feel for someone, I get hurt, and it makes me cautious once more. A nice, vicious circle, right? :P
I'm not even sure if I'm explaining this well. It's not easy to articulate, and now I feel kinda wonky in the head. I think I need more food (my body is so hard to read nowadays), and maybe a shower or something.
But before I sign off, a few things I forgot to mention: last night, hanging out with the crew, we watched Bring it on again, because a sequel was really needed to Bring it on. Save your money; it's a horrid film. Only value is in its mocking abilities.
And secondly... earlier in the week I was finding that I was feeling somewhat nauseated in the mornings, and I pretty much had to force myself to eat anything. I mentioned as much to a coworker, after he commented on my pallor (I've been doubling as the Ghost of Death Past lately) or asked how I was or something, and he asked me sotto voce if I was pregnant.
The question later really struck me -- like, did he actually expect me to respond in the affirmative if I was? I mean, I'm 23, single, living on my own... would I really be announcing it like that if I was? And if I was, what would have been his next question? Are you happy about it? Going to keep it? What do your parents think? I wasn't necessarily angry (although mildly miffed when I was thinking about whether I was or wasn't wasn't any of his business), but the question still struck me as quite odd later.
Ah well... here's hoping my body recovers completely soon and that I can once again consume even trace amounts of dairy without fear. I have purchased an ungodly number of over-the-counter drugs in the last while, what with all of my dread diseases and all... I guess it means I'll have 'em for if I ever need things like cold medication (three kinds!) later. :P
Here we go, another long post that no one will comment on. :)
(And now I've posted this huge update that no one will read and that breaks my site in several places.)
However, I did get the fishies' tanks changed, so I do feel I've accomplished at least something minor. Peacock tried to make a run for it, but I got him and he seems to be doing okay.
I hung out with a few friends last night, just chatting all evening. I wound up getting home around 4 a.m., so I got to sleep about quarter after... and managed to sleep in this morning/afternoon until quarter after 2 -- so I really have a good reason for my lumpiness. Bell (I think; it was some long-distance number from Toronto) called me around 10 this morning, which woke me up; I laid there in bed listening to the phone ring, thinking, "I'll get up and retrieve the message later. Sorry whoever it is, but I'm not going to try to answer it now."
It's been a fairly active week. I went out to see my doctor on Tuesday to get all of my dread diseases checked out; thankfully, my lungs were clear and all, so no pneumonia or bronchitis, just a very lingering and annoying cough. Everything else seems okay, just annoying. Yes, the word of the day in regards to my body (for the last three weeks or so) is annoying.
Wednesday (I think), Ben and I hooked up for a bit to go to the comic book store to return some stuff I bought for store credit (note to self: Ben now owes me money ;)). Since they only do store credit, it meant we had to buy things. That was a hardship, but we managed. Of course, before that, we bought some tasty fajita/falafel sandwiches in the mall. Ben's sandwich, I'm sorry to say, since it was made with big meatballs of chickpea mush, looked like horse poo, and I lost no time in telling him such. I'm a great friend. :)
On Thursday I tried to make it into the gym, and I managed about a half-hour of weights when my trainer called an end to the session 'cause she said my muscles were simply exhausted. We were doing a fairly regular routine, although we did a new thing on the leg lifts and tucks -- it involved doing as many I could at gradually lowering weights. Very killer. I could feel myself getting a bit light-headed while we were doing steps on the box, but I kept drinking water and resting and thought I was okay. When I was doing the hip machine that opens outwards (I can't remember if that's the adducter or the other one), even at much less weight than I usually do, I was just absolutely shaking -- and not the little shakes that you sometimes get, but big, full muscle ones. So I did the bike for awhile at a low level, and even then I was feeling kinda off, and sweatier than I should've been. So after all of that misery, I went for a little nap in the tanning bed, and I felt a lot better afterwards.
Isn't that all fascinating? :) Anyhow, after that I got to run home and drop off my gym stuff, dry my hair and whatnot, then run to the mall to meet up with a friend for dinner and a performance. The show was interesting; it was two orchestral performances, the first being a Mozart piece, and the second being a series of sung poems about death and other happy subjects.
We weren't following the program at first to translate the pieces, but I figured they weren't happy in tone just by the musical cues; it sounded very minor-key, although I could very easily be totally off. Once we clued in, we were reading along and just amazed at some of what was there; one line in particular had one guy asking another, "were you born during one of your mother's fecal spasms?" Oh yeah, and this was set to music!
So he apologized afterwards for the content, saying he hadn't quite realized it was going to be quite so cheery and uplifting. No matter. We walked through the freezing cold to get to my place, then hung out for about an hour or so before I tossed him out so I could get some sleep. :)
The next day at work was semi-painful, at least initially. I was having a hard time getting moving in the morning, so I was speaking pretty slowly and incoherently, for a little bit. I perked up by the time we had our morning meeting (after about an hour and a half of being at work), since I realized that I was actually feeling not too bad for a change. I spent most of the day taking care of whatever needed it -- I had a few media calls I helped out on, so that was nice, and then I got to leave early (since I'd stayed late on Tuesday to help someone else apply for my job (well, sorta not really)... which reminds me -- on Tuesday I applied for my job.. meaning I may have an actual permanent government job (or be even closer on my way to one) by the spring, which is *awesome*). How's that for bracket abuse? :)
Anyhow, Friday I finally went and picked up my contacts (which I'd ordered a month ago), then wandered down the street to the bus route that takes me to my street, stopping in and spending lots of money at various stores while en route. I picked up a few technical music books, so I'll have something new and challenging to practice (and maybe I'll even go for Royal Conservatory?), once I retrieve my clarinet from the folks' place, of course, I bought Pirates of the Carribean, used, at Blockbuster, then I bought a few other DVDs -- the Jersey trilogy and Sex and the City season 5, and the newest Rufus Wainwright CD from Future Shop. Of course, all this money spending meant that by the time I caught my bus and got back home, it was in the middle of rush hour... so the travelling was a bit of a slow go. :P
Once I got home, what'd I do? Not a whole lot. Naw, scarfed down some dinner, did some dishes and watched some Buffy, then showered and got together with the aforementioned friends. I finally pinpointed what it was that I found annoying, and just filed it away for later discussion with trusted people.
Right now, I'm listening to the Muppets' 25th anniversary album, and I keep remembering how last week, at the spaghetti-fest-o-rama, we got to discussing the Muppets, and one girl and I broke into the theme song, complete with commentary by Statler and Waldorf (the grumpy old men). Good times. Ben thought we were weird, but then again, he always does. :)
Anyhow, now that the recitation portion of the post is over (and I've lost all but the few dedicated readers who actually "read" my posts and not those who just skim or give up in disgust), it's time for the discussion portion. Ben and I got to talking a bit about language the night we hung out, and I wanted to bring it up/reiterate it here. In part, I was commenting on how "you know" seems to have replaced (to a certain extent) "like" in people's speech patterns. I first noticed it once upon a time, before he was popular, with Eminem, but it's pretty wide-spread, and I think in a sense, more annoying. I don't know if people are trying to make their speech less aggressive and more inclusive or something, but it's irritating to hear, at least to me.
Not that I don't employ it myself, of course, but not nearly to the same extent as some people I hear. And only when I'm actually looking for someone's confirmation or accordance with what it is I'm saying.
From there, I was also mentioning how it is that language, especially within myself and my circle of friends, appears to have changed. It's more obvious in spoken conversation, but it also turns up in written text and our writing.
And just as a sidebar -- I just realized I totally missed the two-year mark for this blog. It was yesterday, January 9th.
There you go, two candles for the birthday, and one for good luck.
Anyhow, as examples of the kind of changes in communication, I'd like to present the following excerpt from what is a very typical conversation between Shawn and myself:
(This one follows me making a typo on someone's name).
Aphrodite: *sigh* Okay, so I'm STUPID !~!#WR Thanks for point it out. I cry.
Shawn: YES BUT I STILL LOVE YOU
Aphrodite: *sobs*
Shawn: This conversation, though hilarious, must now come to an end.
Aphrodite: God we have retarded conversations
Shawn: Oh, you're not dumb!
Aphrodite: Yeah, I gotta hit the sack
Shawn: Are you complaining? =D
Aphrodite: Yes. I cry.
Shawn: Well, me too.
Aphrodite: Good. Hah!
Shawn: I cry for the children. The children that give you money.
Aphrodite: See, I just beat them and then laugh. But that's me.
Shawn: While you sit on your throne as a 300-pound evil king/emperor.
Aphrodite: Why am I always fat and male?
Shawn: And eat and throw scraps at them and force them to dance for your amusement but they can't dance because they needs the money for their operations but they won't be having their operations because you are taking their money!
Shawn: Because it amuses me.
Aphrodite: *sob*
Aphrodite: Anyhow, I must go and shower. You're getting your jealousy all over me.
Here endeth the excerpt. Granted, it's not the best example, but it just goes to show how in some cases our conversations veer completely off-course, contain a multitude of fragments and nonsense, yet we both understand one another perfectly.
Actually... here's a *much* better example (although I wanted to post that first one 'cause it was just plain funny, and it follows Shawn asking if I was going to have sex with someone I'd just met):
Shawn: Does this mean that I *won't* be having sex?
Aphrodite: Yes and unlikely. Why does everyone think I'm a whore? :'(
Shawn: I don't! I was just being silly.
Aphrodite: And since you're mean, I'm going to curse you with anti-sex!
Shawn: See? *dances* Silly, silly! La la la.
Shawn: No-o-o-o-o!
Shawn: Not *again*!
Aphrodite: A single tear.
Aphrodite: *poke* Are you flailing and crying?
Aphrodite: Whilst frantically masturbating?
Shawn: Nah.
Shawn: Just perusing the ol' information superhighway.
Shawn: And feeling lonely. =P
Aphrodite: Trying to find my little nuggets of wisdom? :)
Shawn: And underwhelmed! A double-whammy, to be sure.
Aphrodite: I'll trade you lonely for sick.
Shawn: Yes! They're carefully hidden.
Aphrodite: I'm sneaky that way :)
Shawn: Deal. I'd love to be sick, but not lonely. Being lonely sucks. Sucks more than being sick, you see.
Shawn: Like easter eggs in DVDs! Or Strong Bad's cartoons.
Aphrodite: :)
Shawn: Psst. Find me love.
Shawn: It's over *there*.
Aphrodite: Umm... go out with Ben!
Shawn: YES
Shawn: It makes so much sense!
Aphrodite: :) I'm just cupid's cuter sister :)
Shawn: No, wait...
He says I am not a colleague. >=D
Aphrodite: Geez, get over it, bum :)
Shawn: BUT I CAN'T
Aphrodite: Obviously. Sheesh.
Shawn: Weren't you supposed to be finding me love and/or making babies?
Aphrodite: Well, I'm taking the night off. I'm sick -- and you reject my choices.
Shawn: Your choices are good! Really! I'll date Ben, I swear! I'll... I'll even have lots of sex with him!
Shawn: And write him poetry!
Aphrodite: I'm waiting for the "but"
Shawn: But...
Um...
You're pretty?
Aphrodite: Yes, that is my tragic flw.
Aphrodite: flaw
Shawn: Mine is that I'm a jerk!
Shawn: *is proud*
Aphrodite: Yeah, I've noted that. :)
Shawn: =)
Shawn: Well, you're a crazy bitch, so YOU WOULD!!11
Aphrodite: Ah well, at least you're eye candy
Aphrodite: {#(*@&{OIJT
Aphrodite: Rgl
Shawn: Oh, man, I'm good. Woof.
Aphrodite: That's my flailing
Shawn: *laughs*
Shawn: It made me happy. Down THERE
Aphrodite: I know, I saw
Shawn: Yeah. It's kinda long. Stetches downtown right good, it does!
And then we moved into an actual conversation. This really illustrates what I mean with sentence fragments, random insults, stupid comments, and so on and so on... I don't think it has a lot of the definite article, which gets a lot of use amongst us ("having the sex," for example), and I think it kinda came about after I started passing around the Real Life cartoon:
Maybe that isn't the cause, but sometimes it feels like it. :) I know that since I've been spending time with Shawn and Gord, my speech style has changed somewhat, at least with friends. I find that I have some friends that are great for witty repartee, and that can take the form of insults, or flirting, or just general commentary, and they, Ben, Mark, and a few other people I know, seem to fit into that category.
At the same time, I've developed a bit of a dry delivery (that not everyone picks up on, which can be frustrating or funny), as well as a more pronounced self-depricating style, and an overall general apathy about what I reveal about myself in some kinds of discussions. As I say constantly, I'll answer just about any question put to me, so long as I feel that the person asking me has a right to the answer. If it's a question I might not want to answer, and it's someone that I don't necessarily want to have that kind of information about me, I'll lie. But to people I respect, or people I'm interested in befriending, they'll generally get the honest answer.
I still try to protect peoples' feelings, which often backfires, but I'm trying to be better about that, too.
This subject kinda came up last night, too: I mentioned that it had been said to me by some people (Ben, Shawn and Gord, at the very least), that I let people know a lot about me, but only within certain boundaries. This is a communication model that I learned about in university, and I think it's pretty apt; basically, imagine that you have a series of concentric circles, divided up like a pie. Each circle represents a new depth of information that you share, and each slice of pie represents a subject or area of your life: work, personal life, health, money, whatever.
Some people might know a great deal about you in certain areas -- like maybe work and your working out, for example -- but very little about your home life or your personal interests (maybe your coworkers). Other people might know a little it of information about you in a whole bunch of areas (passing acquaintances), and finally, some people (very close or long-term friends) might know a great deal about you in a great number of areas, although not always to the same depth.
So when I started thinking about this last night, the image I now have in my head is of my own personal pie, as it were, with some areas filled in all the way, but some completely empty, or with maybe one bar filled in. And it makes me wonder, what do people perceive as being the pie slices that they don't hear about?
And this segues very nicely into my thoughts about myself (hah, so self-absorbed am I!) in regards to sharing information, and the power associated with it. I'm in complete agreement with the current thought that information is power, and I employ that sometimes in my relationships. Not as much my friendships, exactly, but even then sometimes -- if I don't entirely trust someone, or if I know they have ties to someone I'm dating or have dated, then I'm going to be careful about what I share with them, because I know there's a higher chance that information will get back to the (ex-)SO in question.
So, information. JW, one of the friends I spoke with last night, said that he thought there was nothing that I didn't share, because of this blog. However, I and Greg quickly refuted that by saying that my site is very heavily self-censored, and it's true. I'm too aware of the people who do and can read it at times, particularly in the ex-boyfriend world, and out of the interest of protecting them and myself, there is much that doesn't appear here. Namely, my sex and dating life, and my feelings on said topics (although sometimes I just need a place to vent, and it does appear).
(Wow, just took a huge IMDb-browsing/card-playing break. Now I'm back). So where was I? Information. I'm cautious about the emotions and the thoughts that I reveal sometimes, but there are times that I don't want certain people to know certain things about me. Like, not wanting an ex- to know that this or that hurts, or that I'm upset about something they're doing or not doing. I don't want them to know how I'm feeling, because then they can use that knowledge against me, or to boost their own ego, or whatever.
It's not necessarily logical -- I certainly don't sit there, feeling high and mighty on myself if someone I've broken up with is pining over me, so why should I assume my ex- would? -- but it's how I feel. The coworker used to accuse me of being obsessed with power, and of always wanting to have the power, but he was very wrong. It's not that I want to always have the power, or that I need it, because I actually think that I hand over a great deal of power to someone I'm seeing, and that I wear my heart on my sleeve. Rather, it's that I fear people having too much power over me. I'm uncomfortable making myself vulnerable, or admitting that something can affect me deeply, because that can be used against me, and I've had too many people (such as the coworker, such as UBFM), use the power I gave them against me. It's made me cautious and gun-shy... especially since I happen to be the queen of caring too long. A few years back, a lady read my star chart (or whatever it's called when they take your birthday and time of birth and tell you about you), and told me that I don't give my heart out a lot, but when I do, it's fully-given, and that's something that really resonated at the time, since I was getting over J. I find I can't truly let go of someone until I totally fall for someone else. :P Even then, I still care about the other person, but it doesn't hurt to be around them or talk to/about them.
And it then seems as if whenever I allow myself to feel for someone, I get hurt, and it makes me cautious once more. A nice, vicious circle, right? :P
I'm not even sure if I'm explaining this well. It's not easy to articulate, and now I feel kinda wonky in the head. I think I need more food (my body is so hard to read nowadays), and maybe a shower or something.
But before I sign off, a few things I forgot to mention: last night, hanging out with the crew, we watched Bring it on again, because a sequel was really needed to Bring it on. Save your money; it's a horrid film. Only value is in its mocking abilities.
And secondly... earlier in the week I was finding that I was feeling somewhat nauseated in the mornings, and I pretty much had to force myself to eat anything. I mentioned as much to a coworker, after he commented on my pallor (I've been doubling as the Ghost of Death Past lately) or asked how I was or something, and he asked me sotto voce if I was pregnant.
The question later really struck me -- like, did he actually expect me to respond in the affirmative if I was? I mean, I'm 23, single, living on my own... would I really be announcing it like that if I was? And if I was, what would have been his next question? Are you happy about it? Going to keep it? What do your parents think? I wasn't necessarily angry (although mildly miffed when I was thinking about whether I was or wasn't wasn't any of his business), but the question still struck me as quite odd later.
Ah well... here's hoping my body recovers completely soon and that I can once again consume even trace amounts of dairy without fear. I have purchased an ungodly number of over-the-counter drugs in the last while, what with all of my dread diseases and all... I guess it means I'll have 'em for if I ever need things like cold medication (three kinds!) later. :P
Here we go, another long post that no one will comment on. :)
2004/01/08
This upsets me:
This morning: -27 °C
This afternoon: -22 °C
This evening: -24 °C
Tonight: -29 °C
*sigh* Stupid winter, showing up. I don't like cold.
This morning: -27 °C
This afternoon: -22 °C
This evening: -24 °C
Tonight: -29 °C
*sigh* Stupid winter, showing up. I don't like cold.
2004/01/07
Okay, so this story is a kinda scary one, but I found one part of it in particular kinda cool -- about halfway down the page, the author mentions that a blogger (and he hyperlinks it) is someone who has been critical of the President signing the bill on the weekend.
It's pretty impressive how mainstream some things get, isn't it?
It's pretty impressive how mainstream some things get, isn't it?
2004/01/06
2004/01/05
What do people see in you?
You're creative, inspiring and at times, complex. You can be shy and quiet, which is why you might enjoy peaceful, comfortable environments. You're an interesting person to know -- full of insights, which you sometimes prefer to keep to yourself.
How do you compare to others?
You're highly unique, as only 12% of women your age have the same personality type. Another 18% have personality types similar to yours.
What will men notice about you?
It's the extent to which you are adventurous that sets you apart from other women your age.
Do men like your type?
3% of men are looking for your exact type. Another 18% are looking for someone highly similar to your type.
[Aww... no love for me.]
What do men like about your type?
Men like the extent to which you're materialistic.
The research indicates that men are most drawn to your desire to live the good life.
[Uhh... I'm not materialistic.]
Who's the right match for you sexually?
Your ideal sexual partner is a very passionate person who knows how to fully enjoy sex. He has a highly active sex drive and imagination when it comes to trying new sexual moves. And these characteristics set him up for having intense and pleasurable sexual encounters that bring him much satisfaction — even if they don't include orgasm. More than most people, he knows how to value the pleasures of sexuality and is not afraid to pursue those feelings when the timing is right.
How rare are men of this sex type?
How rare are men of this sex type? Your ideal sex partner's combination of sexual tendencies is shared by approximately 28% of all people who have taken our TrueMatch test. Another 32% of men have similar sexual traits.
What makes your ideal man different when it comes to sex?
It's that he likes to experiment during sex.
Are other women after the same type of men when it comes to sex?
34% of women are looking for exactly the same kind of man. Another 37% are looking for a similar type of man when it comes to sex. As you can see, your ideal sexual partner is in high demand by other women.
What do other women find most attractive about your ideal sexual partner?
It's that he focuses on reaching orgasm instead of the entire sexual experience.
[Except that I said orgasm isn't important.]
What's your sexual type?
You're a very passionate person who knows how to fully enjoy sex. You have a highly active sex drive and imagination when it comes to trying new sexual moves. And these characteristics set you up for having intense and pleasurable sexual encounters that bring you much satisfaction - even if the focus isn't on orgasm. More than most people, you know how to value the pleasures of sexuality and are not afraid to pursue those feelings when the timing is right.
How common are your sexual likes?
Your unique combination of sexual traits is shared by approximately 27% of all women who have taken the TrueMatch test. What separates you from other women your age is your preference for relatively more creative sex.
[*laugh* On the chart, I'm at the very end of the scale for "creative in bed". Oh, so true. :)]
Do men like what you like in sex?
35% love your sexual type. 37% like your sexual type. 24% think your sexual type is ok. 4% prefer other sexual types.
What do men see as your biggest sexual turn-on?
Men will be most attracted to your healthy sex drive.
You're creative, inspiring and at times, complex. You can be shy and quiet, which is why you might enjoy peaceful, comfortable environments. You're an interesting person to know -- full of insights, which you sometimes prefer to keep to yourself.
How do you compare to others?
You're highly unique, as only 12% of women your age have the same personality type. Another 18% have personality types similar to yours.
What will men notice about you?
It's the extent to which you are adventurous that sets you apart from other women your age.
Do men like your type?
3% of men are looking for your exact type. Another 18% are looking for someone highly similar to your type.
[Aww... no love for me.]
What do men like about your type?
Men like the extent to which you're materialistic.
The research indicates that men are most drawn to your desire to live the good life.
[Uhh... I'm not materialistic.]
Who's the right match for you sexually?
Your ideal sexual partner is a very passionate person who knows how to fully enjoy sex. He has a highly active sex drive and imagination when it comes to trying new sexual moves. And these characteristics set him up for having intense and pleasurable sexual encounters that bring him much satisfaction — even if they don't include orgasm. More than most people, he knows how to value the pleasures of sexuality and is not afraid to pursue those feelings when the timing is right.
How rare are men of this sex type?
How rare are men of this sex type? Your ideal sex partner's combination of sexual tendencies is shared by approximately 28% of all people who have taken our TrueMatch test. Another 32% of men have similar sexual traits.
What makes your ideal man different when it comes to sex?
It's that he likes to experiment during sex.
Are other women after the same type of men when it comes to sex?
34% of women are looking for exactly the same kind of man. Another 37% are looking for a similar type of man when it comes to sex. As you can see, your ideal sexual partner is in high demand by other women.
What do other women find most attractive about your ideal sexual partner?
It's that he focuses on reaching orgasm instead of the entire sexual experience.
[Except that I said orgasm isn't important.]
What's your sexual type?
You're a very passionate person who knows how to fully enjoy sex. You have a highly active sex drive and imagination when it comes to trying new sexual moves. And these characteristics set you up for having intense and pleasurable sexual encounters that bring you much satisfaction - even if the focus isn't on orgasm. More than most people, you know how to value the pleasures of sexuality and are not afraid to pursue those feelings when the timing is right.
How common are your sexual likes?
Your unique combination of sexual traits is shared by approximately 27% of all women who have taken the TrueMatch test. What separates you from other women your age is your preference for relatively more creative sex.
[*laugh* On the chart, I'm at the very end of the scale for "creative in bed". Oh, so true. :)]
Do men like what you like in sex?
35% love your sexual type. 37% like your sexual type. 24% think your sexual type is ok. 4% prefer other sexual types.
What do men see as your biggest sexual turn-on?
Men will be most attracted to your healthy sex drive.
2004/01/04
'Cause I don't update enough... here's some spam I got tonight:
Hey!
Oh my god it's been ow so long since we talked last!
I have been wondering m how you have been doing?
We never get a chance to see each other anymore.c
tfm
I sent you something last time and was wondering if you got it?
If not i included it below so let me know if you like it
http://c9.mypillsource.com/
Get back to me as soon as you can, alright?
Thanks
Your love!
j145oj37qp3fx1uo71vu
Aww, I'm so glad that j145oj37qp3fx1uo71vu got back in touch with me. I'd forgotten all about our night of forbidden love, underneath the stars, so long ago...
Hey!
Oh my god it's been ow so long since we talked last!
I have been wondering m how you have been doing?
We never get a chance to see each other anymore.c
tfm
I sent you something last time and was wondering if you got it?
If not i included it below so let me know if you like it
http://c9.mypillsource.com/
Get back to me as soon as you can, alright?
Thanks
Your love!
j145oj37qp3fx1uo71vu
Aww, I'm so glad that j145oj37qp3fx1uo71vu got back in touch with me. I'd forgotten all about our night of forbidden love, underneath the stars, so long ago...
I'm just in a writing mood tonight; I have one new article written, and a second almost done. Lookit me go!
1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
I ate eggplant, saw a dead body close-up, almost got picked up at a bar, really did pick-up (maybe), and had some outdoor adventures. Oh yeah, I graduated university and moved out on my own (finally). Whoopie.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any last year; this year is the first time I have.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not that I can think of, though one of my cousins is currently preggers.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes, a close friend of the family/pseudo Dad.
5. What countries did you visit?
I drove through the States; typical when driving to the grandparents'.
6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
Ambition, progress, weight loss, less procrastination. A date?
7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Maybe May 31st, when I found out about Mike at Greg and Madeleine's wedding.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Graduating university, I guess. It never really felt like I wouldn't. Aside from that, moving into my own apartment, and getting a grown-up, career job.
9. What was your biggest failure of the year?
Hrm. A few relationships? Nothing off the top of my head, really.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Eh, the usual headaches and various bumps and bruises. The scar on my chest from Shadow? I think that was this year. I spent Christmas with some dread disease.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Lots of books and DVDs, the digital camera... a webcam. Soon a few URLs, but technically those will be in 2004, even though I picked them in 2003. Various apartment things -- I do so love my kitchen table, loser than I am.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
I'll have to repeat Matt here, my friends: They were very cool, and a few really awesome ones were really, well, awesome for me during a lot of the sad I went through this time around.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Well, the depressed part is really my own stuff to deal with. Maybe E, the asshole boy? Not necessarily appalled and depressed, though.
14.Where did most of your money go?
Moving out, digital camera, books, food, DVDs.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Moving out, new job (well, there was also trepidation there), relationships (kinda sorta), parties. Pretty low-key year, so far as I can remember.
16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
No idea. I don't usually associate songs with years.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier
ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter, or so fatter
iii. richer or poorer? Richer
iv. older or wiser? Both.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Reading, spending time with friends when they were around. Shopping for a better apartment. Paid off my debts. Written. Valued some of my relationships. Working out.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Dating during the summer. Eating. :P
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent it with the folks, and trying to not die.
22. Did you fall in love in 2003?
Yes.
23. How many one-night stands?
None; not my style.
24. What was your favourite TV program?
Buffy, CSI, Sex and the City, Angel.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Eh, I rarely hate specific people, much as I grumble. I do, however, add people to my "bitches/assholes/don't want to talk to these people" list.
26. What was the best book you read?
"The Lovely Bones," by Alice Sebold
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
No one really, but erm. Missy Elliott? I like her stuff. Rufus Wainwright's new stuff. A few other artists that I can't think of right now.
28. What did you want and get?
A DVD player, a digital camera. A bunch of DVDs and books. A new job, my own apartment.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Pirates of the Carribean. I'm a loser. :)
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Went out to dinner with some friends, wandered around the downtown for awhile, spent the night in a hotel room. I turned 23. I'm old.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A serious relationship that lasted. I crave love.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
Hah, me and fashion. Sliding a bit towards retro, but mostly my usual -- sloppy to slightly dressy casual.
34. What kept you sane?
Very little. Books and friends. Moving out. :)
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Hehehe... James Marsters, hands down. I'm saving myself for Spike. :) Or Hugh Jackman, or maybe David Boreanaz.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The gay marriage debate.
37. Who did you miss?
My family, my cat Chloe. My friends.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
My ex-, my coworker Lia. This wasn't a big year for meeting lots of people.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003.
Don't be afraid to go for what you want -- how else might it happen?
1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
I ate eggplant, saw a dead body close-up, almost got picked up at a bar, really did pick-up (maybe), and had some outdoor adventures. Oh yeah, I graduated university and moved out on my own (finally). Whoopie.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any last year; this year is the first time I have.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not that I can think of, though one of my cousins is currently preggers.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes, a close friend of the family/pseudo Dad.
5. What countries did you visit?
I drove through the States; typical when driving to the grandparents'.
6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
Ambition, progress, weight loss, less procrastination. A date?
7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Maybe May 31st, when I found out about Mike at Greg and Madeleine's wedding.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Graduating university, I guess. It never really felt like I wouldn't. Aside from that, moving into my own apartment, and getting a grown-up, career job.
9. What was your biggest failure of the year?
Hrm. A few relationships? Nothing off the top of my head, really.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Eh, the usual headaches and various bumps and bruises. The scar on my chest from Shadow? I think that was this year. I spent Christmas with some dread disease.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Lots of books and DVDs, the digital camera... a webcam. Soon a few URLs, but technically those will be in 2004, even though I picked them in 2003. Various apartment things -- I do so love my kitchen table, loser than I am.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
I'll have to repeat Matt here, my friends: They were very cool, and a few really awesome ones were really, well, awesome for me during a lot of the sad I went through this time around.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Well, the depressed part is really my own stuff to deal with. Maybe E, the asshole boy? Not necessarily appalled and depressed, though.
14.Where did most of your money go?
Moving out, digital camera, books, food, DVDs.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Moving out, new job (well, there was also trepidation there), relationships (kinda sorta), parties. Pretty low-key year, so far as I can remember.
16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
No idea. I don't usually associate songs with years.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier
ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter, or so fatter
iii. richer or poorer? Richer
iv. older or wiser? Both.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Reading, spending time with friends when they were around. Shopping for a better apartment. Paid off my debts. Written. Valued some of my relationships. Working out.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Dating during the summer. Eating. :P
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent it with the folks, and trying to not die.
22. Did you fall in love in 2003?
Yes.
23. How many one-night stands?
None; not my style.
24. What was your favourite TV program?
Buffy, CSI, Sex and the City, Angel.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Eh, I rarely hate specific people, much as I grumble. I do, however, add people to my "bitches/assholes/don't want to talk to these people" list.
26. What was the best book you read?
"The Lovely Bones," by Alice Sebold
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
No one really, but erm. Missy Elliott? I like her stuff. Rufus Wainwright's new stuff. A few other artists that I can't think of right now.
28. What did you want and get?
A DVD player, a digital camera. A bunch of DVDs and books. A new job, my own apartment.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Pirates of the Carribean. I'm a loser. :)
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Went out to dinner with some friends, wandered around the downtown for awhile, spent the night in a hotel room. I turned 23. I'm old.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A serious relationship that lasted. I crave love.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
Hah, me and fashion. Sliding a bit towards retro, but mostly my usual -- sloppy to slightly dressy casual.
34. What kept you sane?
Very little. Books and friends. Moving out. :)
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Hehehe... James Marsters, hands down. I'm saving myself for Spike. :) Or Hugh Jackman, or maybe David Boreanaz.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The gay marriage debate.
37. Who did you miss?
My family, my cat Chloe. My friends.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
My ex-, my coworker Lia. This wasn't a big year for meeting lots of people.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003.
Don't be afraid to go for what you want -- how else might it happen?
Well, the party. 'Twas good times; much kissing was had, although I'm not sure that kissing Glord counts. ;) At least, not in the same way.
Got to see Shawn hitting on a little lady, which was pretty cool. I told him that if they started going out, I had to get ragingly jealous and throw a fit, just for fun. :)
Let's see, highlights... well, there was the dancing/grinding that I got to do with a girl I knew from high school, L. It was nice to see her -- I wasn't ever super-close to her in high school, but I always enjoy her company. She smacked my ass a bunch of times, too. :) At one point, we did a mutual grinding/dancing arrangement with her sitting in a chair and me riding her leg. There were videos made of some of this, and as soon I as become non-stupid, I will figure out how to share them, 'cause I actually don't look too bad in them, which is a nice change.
Many photos were taken, and some videos, so this means I have some blackmail material for later, especially if I caption them properly -- like the Angry Jacobina photo, or the lecherous Ben and Shawn photos. :)
Anyhow, as we were all departing, L gave me a couple of kisses, and lots of cuddling. D and I went downstairs to put on our shoes (as we were driving L and a few of her friends to a nearby bar), and I asked D if he found L and I kissing hot. He said a little, but it needed more tongue. Well, when L came down, I told her that D felt our kissing wasn't good enough, so she and I had a little tongue-session kissing. The funny part is that because L is a good head taller than me, she was backing me up, so I kinda laughed at one point. Apparently that time was better. :)
Someone new inquired about my website, so I gave out this address, and now he gets to read about all the fun stuff he missed out on after he left. ;) Things like, me feeling gross from combining Smirnoff Black Ice with Gord's yummy hot chocolate, and getting mildly ill, but feeling much better afterwards. I think it may have been the whipped cream in the hot chocolate, actually; my body hates life sometimes, and takes me with it. :P
All in all, a fairly fun evening. The part that amused me was the kissing, obviously, the being phoned at 8:30 and being told that I had to show up and bring people -- as I said later, who exactly was I going to bring? Am I now the Pied Piper or something? C, one of the guys at the party (the one to whom I was giving the hardest time, because I am that kind of a brat), asked if that made my friends all rats -- I had to respond in the affirmative. :)
Then there was the following exchange:
C [to me, indicating L]: Wow, you're like a head shorter than her!
Me: Are you calling me short?
Several people, simultaneously: Yes!
Me: Okay, just checking.
And all of the evening was had while sober, or at worst, slightly tipsy. :)
Anyhow, I woke up at 20 to 2 today, so I just know that getting up tomorrow is going to be a world of fun. *sigh* Plus, it's time to dry my hair and get dressed for work, and all that. I think once again, I'm buying my food today. The fun part about being sick over the holidays? I eat next to nothing (which isn't usual for me), so I saved a fair bit of money on food. Mind you, most of what I ate I made myself, anyhow, but...
Oh, isn't my life exciting. :P
Got to see Shawn hitting on a little lady, which was pretty cool. I told him that if they started going out, I had to get ragingly jealous and throw a fit, just for fun. :)
Let's see, highlights... well, there was the dancing/grinding that I got to do with a girl I knew from high school, L. It was nice to see her -- I wasn't ever super-close to her in high school, but I always enjoy her company. She smacked my ass a bunch of times, too. :) At one point, we did a mutual grinding/dancing arrangement with her sitting in a chair and me riding her leg. There were videos made of some of this, and as soon I as become non-stupid, I will figure out how to share them, 'cause I actually don't look too bad in them, which is a nice change.
Many photos were taken, and some videos, so this means I have some blackmail material for later, especially if I caption them properly -- like the Angry Jacobina photo, or the lecherous Ben and Shawn photos. :)
Anyhow, as we were all departing, L gave me a couple of kisses, and lots of cuddling. D and I went downstairs to put on our shoes (as we were driving L and a few of her friends to a nearby bar), and I asked D if he found L and I kissing hot. He said a little, but it needed more tongue. Well, when L came down, I told her that D felt our kissing wasn't good enough, so she and I had a little tongue-session kissing. The funny part is that because L is a good head taller than me, she was backing me up, so I kinda laughed at one point. Apparently that time was better. :)
Someone new inquired about my website, so I gave out this address, and now he gets to read about all the fun stuff he missed out on after he left. ;) Things like, me feeling gross from combining Smirnoff Black Ice with Gord's yummy hot chocolate, and getting mildly ill, but feeling much better afterwards. I think it may have been the whipped cream in the hot chocolate, actually; my body hates life sometimes, and takes me with it. :P
All in all, a fairly fun evening. The part that amused me was the kissing, obviously, the being phoned at 8:30 and being told that I had to show up and bring people -- as I said later, who exactly was I going to bring? Am I now the Pied Piper or something? C, one of the guys at the party (the one to whom I was giving the hardest time, because I am that kind of a brat), asked if that made my friends all rats -- I had to respond in the affirmative. :)
Then there was the following exchange:
C [to me, indicating L]: Wow, you're like a head shorter than her!
Me: Are you calling me short?
Several people, simultaneously: Yes!
Me: Okay, just checking.
And all of the evening was had while sober, or at worst, slightly tipsy. :)
Anyhow, I woke up at 20 to 2 today, so I just know that getting up tomorrow is going to be a world of fun. *sigh* Plus, it's time to dry my hair and get dressed for work, and all that. I think once again, I'm buying my food today. The fun part about being sick over the holidays? I eat next to nothing (which isn't usual for me), so I saved a fair bit of money on food. Mind you, most of what I ate I made myself, anyhow, but...
Oh, isn't my life exciting. :P
2004/01/03
Okay, a few dreams I've had recently, the most recent one being last night.
First, the cat dream. Yeah, yeah. I don't remember the specifics now, but it had to do with something sad about Digger. In my dream, he looked like Shadow (white with some brown and black to him, as Shadow's a calico), but we called him Digger. We also called the cat that was hanging around looking like he really does Digger. I think the calico Digger was sick or lost, or stuck under something... I just remember that it was kinda sad, I was again somewhat tempted to wake up in the morning and call Mom, asking her if he was okay, and I didn't, 'cause I'm a mean Mommy (or so my mom said last year, when I didn't have the ability/time to buy the cats presents; I made up for it this year). :)
The second dream I had last night, and it was crazy-weird. It involved my girlfriend N (i.e., my teammate on Team Lesbian Death -- New Year's Eve reference), and my ex-boyfriend J. I don't remember the pre- stuff (i.e., why I'd be going over to her place or whatnot), but in my dream I walked up a flight of stairs to the front door of the house, and I knocked. N called out for me to come in, so I opened the door and stepped up, and there was her bed (great location for it, but convenient for the dream, I suppose), and she and J were going at it, full flagrante delicto.
Now, here's where I point out that N has been with her boyfriend R for quite some time, and the two of them are inseperable.
However, in my dream I made some weird noises or something, and ran out. There was an assemblage of the other friends of whom N is a part, and I ran to them and was being all weird and crying and not crying by R. I can't really remember if I told him what I'd seen or not; I think I may have.
I remember feeling somewhat confused and maybe even betrayed in my dream; not that J and I are together, nor have we been for awhile, but feelings are never particularly rational or even always appropriate. I know I was upset, that's for sure. 'Twas a very strange dream, and I think there was some fall-out afterwards, but it's unclear in my fuzzy head right now.
That dream later morphed into another one, or I just had another one, this time involving work. In that dream, we were all supposed to draw up a list of words for some penny giveaway, and it was a bit like Scattergories, in that for every word you had that the main guy read off, you crossed it off your list. I remember I'd written out weird phrases and words that don't exist, since I hadn't quite known what the premise was originally (we were only told after we wrote out our lists), so I grabbed a thick black marker and went through my words, crossing out the weird ones. For some reason, it wasn't important that I have the most non-crossed out words at the end.
And that's my crazy nighttime psyche. It probably means I should turn down the heat -- I tend to only dream when I'm feeling warm -- but my place hasn't been sauna-warm in quite some time, so I think I'm actually okay.
Today I'm going to try to get to the spa, and then I have to check my list to see what else I'm supposed to do. I'm heading over to the party around 8 tonight, and beyond that, I don't know what's on the list for today. Again, I should call my landlord. :)
I should also try to put up my light bulbs; I actually bought some yesterday, so I can finally have my bathroom properly-lit (making it probably the only room in my apartment that is), plus I get to have my reading light back for the living room... not that I've missed it that much. :)
Anyhow, off I go. Pathetically enough, I only woke up a half-hour ago. Well, I woke up at 8:30, but then went back to sleep until 1. Getting back to work on Monday is going to be *painful*. *sigh*
First, the cat dream. Yeah, yeah. I don't remember the specifics now, but it had to do with something sad about Digger. In my dream, he looked like Shadow (white with some brown and black to him, as Shadow's a calico), but we called him Digger. We also called the cat that was hanging around looking like he really does Digger. I think the calico Digger was sick or lost, or stuck under something... I just remember that it was kinda sad, I was again somewhat tempted to wake up in the morning and call Mom, asking her if he was okay, and I didn't, 'cause I'm a mean Mommy (or so my mom said last year, when I didn't have the ability/time to buy the cats presents; I made up for it this year). :)
The second dream I had last night, and it was crazy-weird. It involved my girlfriend N (i.e., my teammate on Team Lesbian Death -- New Year's Eve reference), and my ex-boyfriend J. I don't remember the pre- stuff (i.e., why I'd be going over to her place or whatnot), but in my dream I walked up a flight of stairs to the front door of the house, and I knocked. N called out for me to come in, so I opened the door and stepped up, and there was her bed (great location for it, but convenient for the dream, I suppose), and she and J were going at it, full flagrante delicto.
Now, here's where I point out that N has been with her boyfriend R for quite some time, and the two of them are inseperable.
However, in my dream I made some weird noises or something, and ran out. There was an assemblage of the other friends of whom N is a part, and I ran to them and was being all weird and crying and not crying by R. I can't really remember if I told him what I'd seen or not; I think I may have.
I remember feeling somewhat confused and maybe even betrayed in my dream; not that J and I are together, nor have we been for awhile, but feelings are never particularly rational or even always appropriate. I know I was upset, that's for sure. 'Twas a very strange dream, and I think there was some fall-out afterwards, but it's unclear in my fuzzy head right now.
That dream later morphed into another one, or I just had another one, this time involving work. In that dream, we were all supposed to draw up a list of words for some penny giveaway, and it was a bit like Scattergories, in that for every word you had that the main guy read off, you crossed it off your list. I remember I'd written out weird phrases and words that don't exist, since I hadn't quite known what the premise was originally (we were only told after we wrote out our lists), so I grabbed a thick black marker and went through my words, crossing out the weird ones. For some reason, it wasn't important that I have the most non-crossed out words at the end.
And that's my crazy nighttime psyche. It probably means I should turn down the heat -- I tend to only dream when I'm feeling warm -- but my place hasn't been sauna-warm in quite some time, so I think I'm actually okay.
Today I'm going to try to get to the spa, and then I have to check my list to see what else I'm supposed to do. I'm heading over to the party around 8 tonight, and beyond that, I don't know what's on the list for today. Again, I should call my landlord. :)
I should also try to put up my light bulbs; I actually bought some yesterday, so I can finally have my bathroom properly-lit (making it probably the only room in my apartment that is), plus I get to have my reading light back for the living room... not that I've missed it that much. :)
Anyhow, off I go. Pathetically enough, I only woke up a half-hour ago. Well, I woke up at 8:30, but then went back to sleep until 1. Getting back to work on Monday is going to be *painful*. *sigh*
Okay, so I have a stalker, and his name (at least on here) is Big A. :)
He showed up at my apartment last week, and we hung out and watched a movie, rather than go grocery shopping. I'm a horrible influence.
Then today, as I was leaving the grocery store with my nice little loser cart full of groceries, he was coming in. So I followed him around the store and told him what was new and exciting in my life (not a whole lot), and then he drove me to my apartment.
I have good friends. :)
Tonight was the spaghetti-stravaganza at a friend from high school's place, and there was a decent crowd there. My girlfriend T and I spent a decent amount of time in conversation with the odd person, but primarily each other, and it was fun. I was reminded once again how it does seem that I've changed somewhat, even if I can't really see it for myself. A few people I knew in high school have read this site and have seen that I've changed; personally, I never really saw it, but then again, it's me. Just like you don't see the weight you've put on, or how long your hair has grown, you don't see how you've changed -- it's something that someone else has to point out to you.
At the same time, I'm aware of some of the changes. I'm more mellow now, I think, and I know I'm much more open about lots of things. Some of my current friends have told me that I only let people in as far as I want them to go, and if there's something I don't want someone to know about, there's no way in hell they'll learn it, but I always thought it was the reverse for me, actually. I've always thought I share way too much.
I know if I'm asked a question I don't really want to answer, I'm all about the evasiveness, and more often than not, I don't even know I'm doing it, which is kinda weird. I'll dodge direct questions at times, usually in the effort to spare someone's feelings, and then I'm bad with vague questions -- "tell me about yourself" always nets a weird response, and I always think of things I would have wanted to mention long after the fact. I'm the dumb. :)
Ah well. This is an "all about me" entry, which it wasn't meant to be. Mainly I just wanted to say that I find it funny when people say that I've changed, I guess because I feel that I've been the way I am for awhile now, and figure most people would have caught up by now. :)
Spending the night at Ben's tonight, mainly 'cause I was too lazy to bus back home from the spaghetti-stravaganza. That and I just didn't feel quite like going back to my empty apartment. For whatever reason I feel like being social, but it would appear that Ben has crashed on the couch I was going to be sleeping on, and there is someone asleep on the floor, so I don't really know how I'm going to go about getting to sleep. That's what I get for monopolizing the computer, I guess. :)
So, what other random things to say? Well, I took a bunch of pictures today, so I need to do some transferring when I get home. I did manage to get my dishes done and my grocery shopping shopped, so I do feel I accomplished something today, which is nice. Now I just need to make sure that I get to the spa tomorrow (hopefully), and call my landlord (I keep saying I'll do it, maybe in February, when rent is three months due, I'll actually get around to it). I also need to pay my phone bill, and whatever else is on my list that I keep forgetting to do. I kinda suck.
Tomorrow is Glord, Shawnathon and Jacobina's party-o-rama, so I'll be having fun with the hanging out at that. It sounds as though there shall be people who were unable to attend the birthdaylicious celebration for Shawnathon (for example, Ben), so I imagine fun shall be had.
From the sounds of things, Ben is awake right now, so I think I shall poke him. :)
He showed up at my apartment last week, and we hung out and watched a movie, rather than go grocery shopping. I'm a horrible influence.
Then today, as I was leaving the grocery store with my nice little loser cart full of groceries, he was coming in. So I followed him around the store and told him what was new and exciting in my life (not a whole lot), and then he drove me to my apartment.
I have good friends. :)
Tonight was the spaghetti-stravaganza at a friend from high school's place, and there was a decent crowd there. My girlfriend T and I spent a decent amount of time in conversation with the odd person, but primarily each other, and it was fun. I was reminded once again how it does seem that I've changed somewhat, even if I can't really see it for myself. A few people I knew in high school have read this site and have seen that I've changed; personally, I never really saw it, but then again, it's me. Just like you don't see the weight you've put on, or how long your hair has grown, you don't see how you've changed -- it's something that someone else has to point out to you.
At the same time, I'm aware of some of the changes. I'm more mellow now, I think, and I know I'm much more open about lots of things. Some of my current friends have told me that I only let people in as far as I want them to go, and if there's something I don't want someone to know about, there's no way in hell they'll learn it, but I always thought it was the reverse for me, actually. I've always thought I share way too much.
I know if I'm asked a question I don't really want to answer, I'm all about the evasiveness, and more often than not, I don't even know I'm doing it, which is kinda weird. I'll dodge direct questions at times, usually in the effort to spare someone's feelings, and then I'm bad with vague questions -- "tell me about yourself" always nets a weird response, and I always think of things I would have wanted to mention long after the fact. I'm the dumb. :)
Ah well. This is an "all about me" entry, which it wasn't meant to be. Mainly I just wanted to say that I find it funny when people say that I've changed, I guess because I feel that I've been the way I am for awhile now, and figure most people would have caught up by now. :)
Spending the night at Ben's tonight, mainly 'cause I was too lazy to bus back home from the spaghetti-stravaganza. That and I just didn't feel quite like going back to my empty apartment. For whatever reason I feel like being social, but it would appear that Ben has crashed on the couch I was going to be sleeping on, and there is someone asleep on the floor, so I don't really know how I'm going to go about getting to sleep. That's what I get for monopolizing the computer, I guess. :)
So, what other random things to say? Well, I took a bunch of pictures today, so I need to do some transferring when I get home. I did manage to get my dishes done and my grocery shopping shopped, so I do feel I accomplished something today, which is nice. Now I just need to make sure that I get to the spa tomorrow (hopefully), and call my landlord (I keep saying I'll do it, maybe in February, when rent is three months due, I'll actually get around to it). I also need to pay my phone bill, and whatever else is on my list that I keep forgetting to do. I kinda suck.
Tomorrow is Glord, Shawnathon and Jacobina's party-o-rama, so I'll be having fun with the hanging out at that. It sounds as though there shall be people who were unable to attend the birthdaylicious celebration for Shawnathon (for example, Ben), so I imagine fun shall be had.
From the sounds of things, Ben is awake right now, so I think I shall poke him. :)
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