2002/10/31

Sheesh... when it comes to making life interesting, when it rains, it pours in my little world.

The ex- wants to talk dirty to me, "cause it is stuff that you have heard before and you have more sexual experience and you explore sexuality more".

This is something I thought had been put long behind us. :P

Here's a bit more:

him: i'm afraid to ask, but any chance?
me: I'm going to bed very soon, and you have a girlfriend you profess to love. (sidenote: remember, a few weeks ago, they said their "I love yous" for the first time? Where does talking dirty to your ex-girlfriend over the computer while you beat off factor into an "I love you"? :P)
him: the forbidden adds to it i'm afraid
me: I see. Did you do anything like this while we were going out?
him: not at all, i promise
me: So why do you feel okay doing it to her?
him: i dont' know

There be issues there, I think. :P And now he's asking me if I want to hear it, despite morality issues. Frig... at first, phone or cyber sex was kinda fun. Then it got kinda old, especially when it seemed to be just for him. Yeesh. Not my problem anymore. Oh darn.

Geezus H. Christ. And I won't even tell you what Jay said to me! ;)
Some more thoughts...

It's funny how things can change between you and someone else. If you kiss a friend, it can totally change the dynamics of the friendship. All of a sudden it can be weird between you, or it can be ignored, or it can just be a pleasant memory. After you breakup with a boyfriend, or a fuck friend, same situation: you can be weird, ignored, or a pleasant (or horrible) memory. Of the intimate partners in my past, I still talk to or deal with five of them on a regular or semi-regular basis; only one of them do I have absolutely nothing to do with, and for those of you playing the home version of our game, that's UBFM, in spades. Or, as I've referred to him before: The Ex-, the Mark of the Beast, He Who Must Not Be Named, etc., etc., etc.

Funny how you can share yourself so intimately with someone, then wish so strongly that it had never happened; or that it could happen again and again.

I'm not sure I'm articulating what I'm thinking, but I guess it just amazes me that some people can stay so friendly with people they've slept with. I guess I've achieved in a few cases myself, but it's difficult. It's weird looking at someone you've had sex with, and thinking, "I've seen this person in the throes of an orgasm, at their most vulnerable... hell, I've caused that. I've brought this person incredible pleasure (hopefully), I've seen this person beg and plead, sweat and strain against me... This person has tasted me and been inside of me, and touched me everywhere, has brought me incredible pleasure, felt me naked against them and (in some cases), has made me scream. Now, I don't want to see this person again, or if I do, I want to have a projectile in my hand."

For those of you reading this that are more involved in my life than others, or think you are ;), no, I am not referring to anyone in particular, I'm merely musing.

*grin*

Hmm. I think that's all I have to say on that subject, 'cause right now my brain feels empty of anything more to contribute. Guess it's a good thing I didn't try to turn that into a column, but it may appear later. ;)

Actually, what started that was more thinking about how your whole perception of someone can change in so short of a time. I guess in a way it's a bit of a phase shift, if I can use the term in that sense. You meet someone, you talk to them about something personal, either because you've been drinking or you're tired or it's late or the "stranger on the train phenomenon" or you just need someone to talk to, and suddenly, they're cast in a different light, whether that had been your intention or not. A bond is formed, and it can be awkward, especially if you weren't aiming for anything in particular, you were just going with how your mood was at the time, and now...

I was running behind this morning (yeah, yeah, shut up Mark), and I decided to try catching the express bus at a different location, for a different route. I got there, and the girl that was waiting at the stop told me I'd managed to miss it by two minutes (of course), and she started asking me about my schooling and we were talking about degrees and midterms and blah blah blah, and it was okay. We got on the bus, I read for awhile, then kinda napped, and I opened my eyes for about the third or fourth time a stop before my stop, and I sat up. At that point, it was near the end of the route, so there were few people left (maybe five in all), and she said to me that she thought she was going to have to wake me up (we were sitting on opposite sides of the bus, but both towards the back), and asked if I was getting off that stop or the next. I thought to myself, "well, it's nice you'd wake me up," but at the same time, I kinda wanted that connection to end when we got on the bus, the way normal bus stop conversation does. I've had people wake up me on the bus before; there's one gentlemen who occasionally rides the express home at the same time as I do, and he'll wake me up before my stop (sometimes; a few times I've slept past it, others I've gotten up on my own). I'm usually pretty good at waking up before my stop (when I worked at the animal hospital, I frequently woke up at my stop, but never past it), but I think in my experience most people have managed to wake me up long before my stop, and while the thought is appreciated, the cranky part of me that got woken up early is, well, cranky. :)

Yeah, yeah, most of me is cranky. :)

Saturday is the big Hallowe'en party, after the fact, but sounds like fun nonetheless. Still debating on the costume; I'll let you know how the decision goes. I might experiment to see if I can get my hair to do what I think I'd need to do for one costume idea (the cool one), or I'll just toss my hands up in the air and go with my original idea (the maybe sexy one). J's been saying that he isn't sure if he's going to go or not, and I hope he does -- and no, not because I might be dressing up sexy. :) Just because I'd like it if he were there.

No one's online right now, and I'm in the mood to chat. :P Ergh. (Ah, Jay just showed up. :) There are so many 'girl' things I never learned how to do -- like filing my nails. And now that I'm trying to grow them out, I'm never satisfied with how they look. I can never seem to file them the way I want; there's always some yuck underneath, or they end up weirdly shaped, or whatever. I've finally stopped biting them (for the most part), and I'm still growing out the dremmeled part from when I had the acrylics applied, so I'm blaming their fragility on that. Maybe tomorrow I'll finally apply some polish again.

Tomorrow's plans include perogies, trash tv, sleeping in, and getting some school reading done... and maybe write Friday's article, if I feel so inspired. Otherwise, it'll get written before and during class, like last time. :)

Anyhow, I think I'll end this here. I'm going to do some chatting and some computer mucking about, then go to bed. Later.

2002/10/30

I found these links off of I love bacon:

First of all, a giant elastic band machine gun...

Second, family action figures! I love that Mom's doll is an "amazingly awesome shopper!" Argh.

Third, the coin puss. I'd advise not looking at that link if you're at work, if you're being cautious about that kind of thing. Yuck. This is severely on my not-wish list for Christmas, and I mean that. Anyone that buys me this as a gag, I don't talk to anymore. :P

Anyhow, what else? Got my public relations midterm back, got 82.5% on that. I got my scary class reading log back (Theories of Communications, if you're keeping track), got 11/15 -- 73.3% on that, so I'm thrilled to pieces about that. Load of my mind and all... now I just have to start doing the readings again 'cause I have another two papers due for that class soon. Tomorrow I believe I may be getting the mark for my greek mythology midterm back, we'll have to wait and see; it's only been a week.

I know I haven't contributed much lately, and it's because there's been oddities on my mind that I don't really know how or even if I want to articulate. Life has been weird, and I'm learning that either I shoot my mouth off too much or people feel free to discuss what I've said... kinda frustrating.

I just realized I didn't complete a link in my previous post, so to anyone who was trying to read it, I apologize; it's fixed now, and you can read away.

It seems that I'm doing something right this semester, at least as far as work is concerned, which is good. I don't know how I've managed, since I've concluded that I'm really uninformed and very unintelligent, but hey... whatever works, right? Apparently faking it works for me. :P

Sorry, I am and I'm not feeling down on myself right now, I can't quite decide. I just had an idea of how things were going to work for me, or at least a vague hope or something, and it really hasn't been that way, which is unfortunate. At the same time, I've been having fun hanging out with people in various contexts and being exposed to new things... I'm hoping to keep trying to expand my horizons and see how that goes. Every now and then, I try to make sure I do something that I wouldn't normally do -- eat Vietnamese food with Ben, possibly go check out a workshop being run by the sex store I was in the other day, see a movie that I might not make my first choice, do some kind of exercise that isn't normally my thing, dye my hair a funky colour. :) It may not always be a succesful experience, but at least it's a new one, and it's something different from school and work.

I'm more philosophical about things now, even if sometimes I do blame myself, or wonder what I did wrong. Regardless of how much I might be told otherwise, there's still some part of my brain going, "Yeah, but..." Urgh. Having the interest of other people has helped, or sometimes fueled some frustration, but it's helped nonetheless. Sometimes I think people get the wrong impression of me: that I seem however on first impression, but when they date me or once they get to know me, it all goes pfft. I mean, how does the ex- or even UBFM perceive me in hindsight? Are they right? Have there been any of my relationships where I alone tanked it, or was it always him or both of us together? What if I'm just not meant for long-term? How could I have spent three long years with the UBFM and the way he treated me? Well, because I didn't see how he treated me until I was out... and had been out for awhile.

I used the ex- to get over UBFM (although there wasn't much left to get over by that time), then ultimately J- to get over the ex-. Used has the wrong connotations to it; I didn't use anyone, I genuinely wanted to be with each of them. They assisted the process, but they weren't used to do so. I don't want to use someone else, and for once I don't really have someone else on the horizon, which is actually fine by me. I think I'm really getting to know me and know others from a different perspective, and that's not a bad thing.

It sounds in some way like I'm still lamenting, and I don't want anyone thinking that. I'm not, not the way I was before. Sure, I still have the odd thought, but hey; I'm allowed. I don't mourn the end anymore, and maybe I'm in a better place. After all, as Di and I have both said numerous times, we're both too busy right now to have relationships. I'm focusing on school (kinda), and my friends, and work, to an extent. I know D from school is upset because I'm always working or in class when she and her crew invite me to go out, but... I don't know. Priorities, right? And I'm not really into the bar-hopping, drinking, dancing scene that is there, especially not every week or whatever. I try to be practical; if I have to get up at 9 the next morning (or earlier), I don't really want to be out until 1 or whatever the night before, especially since I still have to factor in the drive home, the removal or whatever trashy clothes and makeup were that evening's wear, and the winding down so I can sleep. I don't do well on little sleep; that's why I'm in the mood I am now, contemplative. :)

I borrowed Greg's copy of Stupid White Men Monday night, and I've been reading through it on the bus. I'd already started it in Chapters back when it was first released, I just haven't bought it yet because I've been waiting for it to come out in paperback. Reading through the sections on racism, and being presented with some forms of racism, however mild, always makes me paranoid that I might be unknowingly or unintentionally racist, or do racist things. I know how I mean my actions, and I know how I would perceive them on the receiving end, but I don't know how someone else might. Basically, I just try to treat everyone the same, and if I feel I may be speaking in ignorance, I either keep my mouth shut or try to preface everything carefully -- i.e. "I'm probably wrong, but I read..." or whatever seems to work. I hate describing someone I know as black or asian or anything like that; why is white considered to be the norm? Why do I need to differentiate? Well, I don't, unless I'm trying to describe someone's physique, and I hate doing it. I feel like I'm doing something wrong when I do it, and I don't know if I am or not.

Anyhow... time to go take this snuggle cat that's draped across my mouse arm and watch some tv. I might pad this out later, I might not. For now, it'll stand as is... if my mood picks up, I might work some more on Friday's article.
Wow, that site is getting some nice hits. It's been up what, about a week or so? And it's at 86 hits last I checked (a few minutes ago). Ben has offered to send the link around to some of his friends, and I invite you all to do the same! It's simply this site that's a bit more hidden... the ex- has the URL to Whore's Boudoir, but not this one, for example. Coworker might know one of the links, not sure. Ah well, no use in worrying about it now.

Anyhow, I've discovered a new playground, about a five- to ten-minute walk from my work, and it's a lovely little place; a nice little sex shop that's really funky and nicely set up. Well, I say I discovered it; I knew of its existence long ago, I just never actually went. I've told Ben I'm going to have to take him there. ;) I picked up a copy of Bust magazine... I have the book, but never got around to getting the mag, so I figured it was time, and a paperback copy of the Kama Sutra; just the writings, no pictures. We'll see what I learn. ;)

Caught Bowling for Columbine today with Ben... interesting flick, took me from wanting to cry at times to laughing out loud -- well, the whole theatre was laughing out loud for good portions of it. Ben and I discussed his portrayal of Canadians, and there was a fair bit of it that we disagreed with, but when he was talking to the teenagers from Sarnia, Ontario, I realized, "Hey, we do have accents... those kids sound like us." It was a weird moment, 'cause I'd never before really compared our accents to others; I mean, sure, people from the Southern U.S. or Maine have accents, and yes, East Coasters in Canada have accents, but Ontarians? Not really. But we do. :)

Yes, I realize that's not the message I was supposed to pull from the movie, but it's way past time for me to be in bed, and I'm aiming that way very shortly. I just had those very brief updates to say (a few more: got 91/100 on our Audience Research paper, and tomorrow I get the midterm mark back from Public Relations and my mark back on the first Scary Class (i.e., Theories of Communications) reading log) and a title to offer up for Friday's article: "Fit to be tied." ;)

2002/10/29

New stuff up on Whore's Boudoir for your perusal. It's just a short one, but I think I have something promising (or at least arousing ;)), for Friday.

I think I'm going to be making Tuesday and Friday my publishing dates. We'll see how it works out. :)
And because I said I would, here are some Markisms for you all to read and laugh at:
(And G was part of this too):

"I think Road Trip is The Graduate of our time."
"Brat." (heard that one a few billion times)
"Fuck off."
"Fuck you."
"You're a freakish anomaly."
"I'm from Barcelona!" (Said with the proper Spanish lisp on the 'c').

Have I missed any? :)
Did the right thing did the right thing did the right thing did the right thing did the right thing.

Fuck I'm horny.

Did the right thing did the right thing did the right thing...

I'll live.

2002/10/28

I. Am. So. Bored.

wild woman



You Are a Wild Woman!


Put down the whip and unlace those come-fuck-me boots!
You definitely qualify as kinky - and not just occasionally.
You've exhausted every fantasy, but you're always open to new ones.
Your sexual encounters are usually spiced with role-play, bondage, new positions,
props, and fun fetishes.


Are *You* Kinky? Click Here to Find Out!
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

I have got a sweet-ass exam schedule, provided it doesn't change and I get my papers done and in on time -- my last sit-down exam is December 13th. That's right, I get like, three sweet weeks of holiday time. ;)

So, no slacking off on papers, or else. *grr*

What else? It's nice to be liked. Too bad it's never at the right time or in the right circumstances, but it's nice nonetheless. :)

I bought some funky foliage for the Hallowe'en party I'm attending on Saturday, looking forward to that. Trying to debate between 'cool/funny' or 'cute/sexy' for my costume... either one is more or less as easy to do. It's just a matter of which I feel like doing.

Nice afternoon with Mark yesterday. He kept wearing his fish stir fry sauce and I managed to eat chocolate cheesecake and drink a bowl of hot chocolate without wearing any of it. He called me an abnormal freak, I called him an alcoholic; it's a match. ;) Of course, he goes back to the UK tomorrow, so it's a short-lived affair. ;)

I'm tossing around a few column ideas in my head for tomorrow's posting; I think I may get a few written in advance, especially if I go with the various whims that are taking me. I might do a follow-up/part 2 on condoms (which is what I'm thinking right now), and then there's a column on hair colour for men and women and preferences with regards to that, and I thought I had something in there, but it's not bubbling to the foreground. Oh, perhaps a column on size, which is always topical. ;) But not just male size; female size as well, in terms of genitalia and breasts and whatever else comes to mind. It might become a theme for a month or so -- 'size matters'. ;)

As always, if you have comments, suggestions, whatever, please feel free to email them to me or pop them on notes. It's not meant to be an advice column, although it could be once in awhile if that's what the audience wants... it's more meant to be my own trial run as Carrie Bradshaw. :)

Anyhow, I'm going to pretend to do some work now, I think. Maybe later I'll say something snarky to my coworker, otherwise known as "Mr. Reads-Over-My-Shoulder," which is what he did Friday when I wrote that I'd posted an update to WB. :P (Think I push my page enough? ;))
A random non-politically correct thought from the last few minutes:

I was involved with someone for a little while that had a strange style of fucking. Well, strange in my experience. Basically, instead of the usual 'in-and-out/back-and-forth/piston action' pumping that I tend to favour, this guy basically 'stirred' with his dick. My thoughts on this? If you're gonna fuck, fuck. If you're gonna stir, get in the kitchen and make me some dinner, bitch!

*laugh*
And the quizzes begin again...



Which Sex and the City Vixen Best Matches Your Sex Style?

2002/10/26

Okay, I promise there will be new changes going on -- maybe even tonight, if I feel awake when I get home. My favourite blogs links are getting crazy, so I might relegate those to another page, like the comics, unless people prefer having them on the main page; you vote.

As well, there will be a cast of characters page... I already have a few people who've expressed an interest for particular avatars, so if you think you'll appear on the cast page and want something in particular, lemme know -- I do read your comments, so you can leave it there or email it, whatever's easier. Remember, if you don't pick something... you leave it up to my twisted sense of humour. ;)

Conversely, if I mention you on this page as an initial and you don't mind being referred to by your first name, please let me know! I default to adjectives or initials out of respect (unless I link to your page, in which case, stuff ya! ;), but some initials are awfully taken, and I know it can be confusing for you, the readers. :)

Anyhow, still plugging away at updating the comics page... I think I have only four or five strips left to do.

The Whore's Boudoir appears to have gotten a fair number of hits and I've received some off-site comments (compliments!) on it, so thank you all very much for checking out my endeavours. I'm working on establishing comments sections on there, so that you can leave your notes on that site, if you so desire. I'm not going to bother with a guestbook on that page, I don't think... this one here seems to get so few comments that I don't think it's worth it.

Hopefully that site will also be undergoing a slight revamp, but I can't promise when or anything like that. For now, it's functional, and that's all that matters, right? :)
Sorry about the lack of content lately. I've had things I've wanted to write about, but for various reasons I can't. Either it would reveal my source, or it would possibly upset people, and in the end it changes absolutely nothing, so what's the point in writing about it, right? Best just to try to put it aside and move on.

Urgh.

That being said, I'm heading off to work now. I might write from there, or I might work on the next column. If nothing else, I'll be working, right? Hah. ;)

*sigh*

Why do I always pick the wrong ones? Either they have girlfriends, or they're unavailable, or they live elsewhere, or they treat me like shit...

Oh. Well.

2002/10/25

New content up on Whore's Boudoir. Check it out!
Got my paper back today for women and media -- 90%, A+. Wahoo. :)

Also got my first article written for Whore's Boudoir, just haven't posted it yet. I'll let you know.

More later. :)
Okay, so it's a stereotype, but it made me laugh.

More content stolen from rec.humor.funny:

A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is ovulating, she is likely to be attracted to men with more rugged and masculine features.

If she is menstruating, she is likely to be impressed by a man with scissors through his temple and a bat shoved up his ass.

2002/10/24

I must confess, my feet are mostly feetist, yes.

I have a cat asleep in my lap. Yesterday, she came along and draped herself completely across both of my arms. This makes it difficult to type. :P

Like Vicki, I want to stay married for awhile before kids come into the picture; enjoy having the connection with someone and not have to worry about anyone other than ourselves. It's selfish, but hey -- at least we'd know we were not in the right place for kids and not have them before we were ready.

Okay, I say we, I mean me. ;)

The coworker actually initiated a conversation with me the other day, as I was leaving. Okay, it was last week, but he was asking something about what I was up to that night or that weekend, or what I'd done the night before... beh. I don't remember, and it wasn't that huge of a deal.

Getting dicked around at work, pissing me off. Other than stripping, does anyone know what I can do, employment-wise, on Saturdays to earn some dough? Frig I'm screwed on this. Oh well... at least as the weather turns (soap opera name, there? :), I'll have a bit of an excuse to not do some of the shifts she's giving me. The thing is, I like the music, I like the show for the 6-11 hour, it's just the principle of the thing. Why does he get to just waltz in and take on the shift he wants? Because I'm the bitch, and I bend over for this crap all the time. "You're not doing a good job on this shift, so we're going to pull you off it for a month" instead of saying, "It sounds bad, fix it." And then the month has turned into two... so it's email time. Fuck. I hate this. This is the stress.
Ah-hah! Too many conversations, made me forget things I was going to write.

The pizza guy and I were talking, and he was saying that he's now looking for a mate, or a partner -- he's in a place where he wants to have a relationship with someone. I'm glad for him. I hope it works out.

I was saying that I want to find myself The partner as well -- the husband -- although I'm not trying to get married next month or anything. Within a few years.

I figured it might not be so bad to have kids around or after 30, if I wind up doing that. I know I'm definitely not ready to have them now or soon, so I figure in 7 or 8 years I might be ready for them, if I want them. :)

Urgh! Something else I was going to say and forgot. Frig.

I really have to clean the fishies' tank tomorrow. It's on the list.

Good chats tonight, got the mood up. Got pre-work plans for Sunday now, coolage there. :)
And another sidenote... a few different people have told me today that I'm a hottie, or really attractive. Very flattered, I am, but where the hell are all these people in the singles ranks? Or in dateable guys? Hmm?

Yeah, that's right.

Or something. Yay for incoherency! :)

(Ooohh... this is a bad portent for my columns. ;)
There we go. Got it somewhat up and settled. I've decided to try to write weekly or biweekly columns about relationship and sex issues. I'm hoping to make them somewhat more thought out than this journal site, and possibly even more interesting for people who aren't totally enthralled by the details of my cats and my boring existence. :)

Speaking of which, saw the pizza guy today and got his side of things in the whole mess with his friend R's ex-girlfriend. That's gotten me interested in writing a column about the concept of the cock block (the actual term of which was introduced to me by someone at work) and its statute of limitations, or rights at all.

But aside from the column thing, it was pretty nice seeing him again. Nice to know there's at least one person I've slept with that I can be on good relations with, and avoid the whole jealousy/weirdness/anger/sadness/*whatever* stuff.

I figure I'll keep an indicator posted here on this page to let you know when I've produced a new column for the site -- possibly even just a note posted, saying, "Go read!"

Anyhow, I think that's all I wanted to say for now. The site can be found at The Whore's Boudoir, and I'll have a perma link on my site.

As well, a few planned updates: A cast of characters page (with avatars) for people who get frequent mentions. Brief history/description of them, as well. In addition, I want to finish working on the samples page of the comics, which I'm going to do some work on right now, I think.

I have others, but they're notes in my notebook... my one smart move today was to actually write down the few ideas I had at the time in there, because it turned into about four pages of notes, and this column site thing. I'm happy with it, now let's just see how dedicated I can be to the site. ;)

I lie, two smart moves. I added some of the other blogs I read into a new folder under my favourites menu, then made a link in my links menu to the blogs folder, so now it's all neat and tidy and I don't have to worry about it scrolling off the screen! Maybe I'll do the same thing with the comics page and all that... I'm so organized everywhere except where it counts.

Urgh. Big heavy cat sitting on my arms... can't type...

2002/10/22

I was just reminded that the reason J flipped me off was because I said he was gay.

Mind you, I only said it after he'd already said he was gay, so he should've just flipped himself off, or something.

I'm so frigging exhausted.... and various other things. :(

Yes, my imood indicator has stayed like that for awhile, and probably will until the libido tanks again, which I'm waiting for. :)

2002/10/21

So, in brief... I went over to J's place yesterday. We chatted for a bit, nothing special, except that I learned that I'm apparently *so* bad in bed that I turned him gay.

:P

He was gay long before me, and we all knew it.

Note to self: must remember to clean the fishie's tank.

I hate group work.

Ah yes, my prof, who was a guest on one of the shows I produce, flipped me off yesterday. Then J flipped me off yesterday, but I can't remember the reason behind that one.

Is it fair to complain about your life when you're upset because of the paths you've chosen? I've been in that situation with a number of people, and... I don't know. I find it hard to feel sympathy. Sometimes I still do, but...

I have crazy red hair now; it's a mix between red-red and orange-red (because of the blonde dye I had in there to begin with), and people have been very complimentary about it. I may wind up not keeping it for my Hallowe'en costume; it all depends on what I do wind up going as, but I have to get out to a dance supply place... unless I want to wear my teddy as part of the costume, which I'm considering.

I went over there last night with the intention of having a talk, but when I got there, I found there was nothing to say. Nothing new, nothing that hadn't already been said... and the other things I thought about bringing up, but even if it's the case, and even if we'd discussed it... it wouldn't change anything. Not. A. Single. Thing.

So what's the point?

In some ways I wish I didn't know, because it's just one more thing. But... *sigh*

But I was glad I was told, overall. It's nice to know.

There was a Leger Marketing poll commissioned, and they found that 1/4 people are afraid to be a passenger in the car when their spouse is behind the wheel. Okay, all well and good, nice to know.

But, I have a question.

What individual or company decided this was a question worth spending a great deal of money on to have answered? Surveys aren't cheap. And to what end is this for? Like, who is benefiting from this survey? People who direct anxiety classes? I can't figure out where the money trail begins on this one.

I think it's just some random millionaire, going, "I have all kinds of sweet, sweet cash. Should I give it to a charity, or adopt some poor homeless cats or dogs or something? Naw, let's ask 1000 people or so across Canada if they feel safe when their spouse is driving! It's great to annoy people with ridiculous marketing surveys (like the stupid one I had to do on supermarkets, argh!) Yeah, that's it!"

Okay, so it's way too early and I was up way too late and ... yeah. Time to get moving; I have class this morning with the prof who flipped me off! :)
Stolen from rec.humor.funny:

When I was 16, I hoped that one day I would have a boyfriend...

When I was 18, I got a boyfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate guy with a zest for life.

In college, I dated a passionate guy, but he was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, he cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a guy with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable guy but he was boring. He was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a guy with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting guy, but I couldn't keep up with him. He always got mad, he did impetuous things and flirted with everyone he met. He made me miserable as often as happy. He was very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a guy with some ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart, ambitious guy with his feet planted firmly on the ground and married him. He was so ambitious that he divorced me, took everything I owned, and ran off with my best friend.

I am now 40, and I'm looking for a guy with a big dick.
Okay, still no update, but here's a thought:

I've decided to stop wanting anything for myself. When I do want something, or want things to go my way, and I work to get it, I'm selfish, self-absorbed, and only happy if things go my way. Or, conversely, when I want something and someone else or the universe itself is against me, then there's that feeling of unfairness and whatnot that results from not being able to have things work out. I don't care if life goes my way all the time. I just think there are some things that should work out. (I had it better formulated in the car on the way home... this is really why I need to buy a mini-cassette recorder.)

Yet I'm philosophical about it all now, instead of depressed. Today's mantra: "What's the point in saying anything new? It won't change anything." which is totally true.

There was some minor dispute about my statement from yesterday, "sometimes love isn't enough." I was introduced to the idea of loving with a closed heart, which I hadn't considered. That's loving with shields up; when I said that I had my shields down, it seems especially unfair and shitty that that was celebrated and appreciated when it wasn't reciprocated. There's almost a double standard there.

If I never want anything again, I can't be disappointed. I'll stick my head in the sand, the same way others around me are doing, and since it seems to make them happy, it should work for me. I'm doing better... maybe with other people's methods of solving problems, I'll really do great.

2002/10/20

Plans for next posts:

A treatise on the word BUT and its importance in conversation, particularly with me.

A rundown on Friday night and the vast amounts of liquor I consumed, plus its effect.

A rundown on the conversation held from about 1-3 a.m. in my driveway with two old friends, K and G.

A very astute comment: "Sometimes love isn't enough." and interesting thoughts on jealousy. Is there really honestly such a thing as a totally non-jealous person? What if you've had bad experiences in your past where someone's hurt you or cheated on you or you suspect they cheated on you... are you still not jealous then? I mean, sure, rationally you may realize that person B is not person A, but how forgiving a person can you really be?

Vague weirdness and kinda down feelings today. Plans to dye the hair again, see how that turns out. Want a change and don't have any body parts to pierce? Leery about that next tattoo? Cut your hair already recently? Dye your hair, and make some minor changes.

Caught up on email today from work, that was good. I was feeling verbose. Now I just have to wait for replies I'm going to get, if any. :)

Spoke with/ran into some people I haven't seen in awhile; I was just a social butterfly! After flirting somewhat with the Loblaws cashier guy, I had the thought, "I'm back!" Hours later, I'm a little iffy on it, but we'll see what happens.

I think I need to distance myself from the online world I inhabit. I think I deal much better in face-to-face conversations; the only problem being, I generally seem to have more time for the online stuff. :P It's just that I have a number of friends who live out of the city or province or country, so... it's tough to see or talk to them, unless I use online (free...ish) means.

Okay, time to go check out Jay's site, at his demand, and go to bed. Schoolwork waits for no woman. :P

2002/10/18

Well, I'm feeling somewhat less insane. That may be due to catching up on sleep, or depriving myself of sleep, or getting some assignments done and handed in, or finishing off my period. Any way you look at it, I think I'm doing a bit better.

I was thinking last night, after my second evening spent watching Sex and the City until 3 a.m. (did I mention, I got my 3rd season discs in the mail the other day? It's been a wild party!), that maybe I am like Samantha, as my girlfriend D keeps telling me. Not that I'm having conquests all the time or emotionless sex on a regular basis (okay, on any basis), but in my openness and willingness to discuss anything and everything anywhere, whether it's my life or not. I mean, I honestly don't care if that person sitting behind us on the bus hears that I had wild and crazy sex last night and the details -- maybe it'll inspire them to some craziness of their own!

At the same time, I think I'm part Carrie and Miranda as well; I don't know if there's any Charlotte in me. I'm Carrie in her crazy life, her boyfriends she's hung up on (although I never slept with my Big while dating Aidan), and her writing. I think I would really enjoy being a columnist, especially if I got to write the way she does -- on basically whatever she wants.

And I'm Miranda in her cynicism, and sometimes in her pessimism. I'm generally an optimist, though... maybe that's how I'm part Charlotte. I'm an open, cynical, optimistic, romantic, insane writer. :)

I think that's why Sex and the City appeals to so many women. Okay, why it appeals to me; I can see elements of each of the characters in myself and others, and I can empathize with their situations. The coworker and I used to watch some of the old seasons together, sometimes with his roommate, and they were both unanimous in their detest for Miranda and her ways. There's an episode in the second season where she fakes orgasms with one guy because he just isn't doing anything that works for her. Coworker and his roommate were totally against this, and basically couldn't understand why a woman would do such a thing -- I could, and just couldn't seem to explain it in such a way that 'satisfied' them (pun intended).

I also like that it shows real (albeit thin and beautiful) women eating real food, and dealing with real issues. There's an episode in the fourth season where (again) Miranda is dating a guy who goes to the washroom with the door open (and I'm not talking just peeing here), and she just can't deal with it. Or in the third season, Charlotte dates a man who's a horrible kisser, and she breaks up with him for it. It's nice to see that there are other women (okay, actresses) dealing with their own quirks when it comes to relationships and men, and it means that as viewers, we don't have to feel guilty about having the same or similar issues.

I'd think of more to say on the subject, but I'm cold and I have to get moving to get to work. And Digger wants the rest of his breakfast or something, and the fishies are hungry. It's never-ending at my little menagerie. :)

2002/10/17

And yet I don't feel jealous or upset when he says that they've shared the "I love you"s. So, I make no sense in my head. :P

And I forgot the Shadow story: last night, settled in to bed, she starts walking around on me on top of the covers, then comes to my right-hand side (I was lying on my stomach) and tunnels under the covers, as she often does. My sweatshirt had ridden up a little bit, exposing about two inches of skin, which was getting quite the tickling as she was nosing around and crawling over to my other side, so that now she is on the edge of my bed that is not up against a wall. I was a little worried she might get pushed off in the middle of the night, and maybe she was as well, because she settled down next to me and draped her paws on my back. When I sleep on my stomach (my usual sleeping position), I have one knee drawn up; well, because of where she was placed, I couldn't quite get comfortable, so I wound up turning so I was facing away from her. When I did this, she moved her paws (obviously, I didn't give her much choice) and placed them against my back and flexed them a bit. I think this was the "don't turn anymore, or don't roll over on me" warning. :)

It was very nice having her snuggled up against my side, her fur tickling me and making me laugh. It was a nice pick-me-up after writing the paper all night and being slightly stressed about the exam, which affected my sleep. I woke up later in the night, pressed up against the wall, with her smack-dab in the middle of my bed. When there's a lump in my bed, I tend to do my best to negotiate around it, but in this case, I guess she moved me around. ;)
This one's gonna be full of random thoughts and whatnot, so I apologize for the lack of coherence in advance. Have fun! :)

Today has been very weird for emotions. I don't even know how to chart them, but I've gone from feeling unsettled and restless and weird and possibly jealous to wanting to cry and various loops in between.

The ex- was telling me about having had his girlfriend down in our little neck of the woods, and having her to local eateries and up to his cottage, and a part of me was thinking, "This is my city," and wanting to ask if he and her (he and she?) were having clandestine sex the way he and I used to, sneaking it when his parents were out or mine were out, things like that. And y'know what? It bothered me. I didn't ask, 'cause I was pretty certain he wouldn't take the question well (since most times when we talk now it's pretty short and bleh), and I just felt unsettled and weird. It's not that I want him back for myself or anything like that, but... I don't know. I felt weird. I think it wouldn't have bothered me so much if I wasn't feeling so fneh to begin with, but even now with him saying that his relationship with her seems to have settled and he's not out looking all the time (which he was before, I think I detailed it here ages ago), it's just... it's like something I don't want to hear, but not out of jealousy or anything. I don't feel resentment exactly; maybe it's some minor envy because he has so many advantages that I don't have and life just isn't being unkind to him. I mean, Christ; I only wish someone would bankroll me a year of living on my own, and I could feel free to add extra years to my degree and take one course a semester and only apply to one place for a job and then just wait to see what happens. I'd love to have a place of my own, or with roommates, and have my boyfriend over any time I wanted and not have to worry about my folks or his folks happening home when we're having sex or feeling cuddly or whatever. Argh. Life sucks. :P

I was tired for the better part of today; I was up later than intended writing my paper, then I had to get up early for my midterm, which I never really got to study for. I think I did okay; I managed to bring some of the Socrates' Rhetoric readings that I did for Theories into the midterm, so we'll see if the prof is impressed or turned off by my attempt to appear intelligent. :) I also turned in the paper, and fell asleep for a minute or two at time in Theories, and I was right under the prof's nose, so we'll see if my marks reflect the fact that Wednesdays are my longest days and Theories is boring. :P

I asked one of the list maintainers to unsubscribe me back on Friday or Saturday, and he told me Tuesday that he had. I sent a message to the list explaining that I'd unsubscribed, and that I would still try to turn up at the odd events, and maybe reappear on the list at some point later. J sent me an email asking why I'd done it, that now I'd be missing out on all his insulting emails that he sends. It was weird to hear from him, because I've been trying to message him through ICQ and I don't know if he's ignoring my messages or that he now hates me or what (one suspicion). I called him this evening from my cell, on both his home and cell lines, and the first two times I tried each, they were busy -- so I thought that he'd blocked my number and I was hurt. I tried his home number again a bit later and it rang, but he didn't answer so I just hung up. I have vague ideas of what I want to say, but nothing concrete.

I got my hair cut last night, and it's back to being its regular flat, headphone-smushed stupid self today. Big surprise; I could have hair down to my shoulders, chop it off to an inch in length, and it would somehow manage to look the same, just a bit shorter, the day after it's done. :P Anyhow, it's shorter and it feels like it has more body, although that may just be residual hair spray and various other affixations, even though I washed it twice this morning.

But getting the hair cut got me to thinking about an article I'd read once. It stated that we pay people to touch us, in a professional manner, but touch us nonetheless because we are a low-context society (go communications learnings!) and do not touch each other in casual ways. This means that one of our basic human needs, the need for touch, gets satisfied through visits to people like doctors, shoe salespeople, hairdressers, masseurs and various other people that have to touch us, in some minor manner or another, to perform their jobs. It's an interesting concept, especially as many people would not accept the same touches from a stranger on the street, but when they have a 'professional right' to touch us, we accept it. Face it, how would you react if someone you didn't know just started adjusting or playing with your hair the way a hairdresser does? Let alone touch you or poke at you the way your doctor does. :P

What other thoughts have I had? I spent some time discussing the increasing expression of sexual need that women my coworker, J, appears to be in contact with, are doing. These are women from all age groups; my age (a resounding 22) right on up to the people about his age that he speaks with in chat rooms (45+). I was speculating that for my age group, at least, many women may, rightly or wrongly, equate personal freedom and liberation with sexual freedom, and therefore feel that by being in touch with their sexual side, and acknowledging that it is a strong drive and hey, women like sex too!, that they are somehow more secure, more independent women. That may well be true, but I do not feel that one equals the other; hell, look at me. :P For women around my coworker's age, I was suggesting that it could be due to their having passed their sexual peak (around 35 on average) and riding their prime on out; many women who are anorgasmic (inorgasmic? They can't come) at a young age suddenly discover either through their bodies changing or they (finally) encounter experienced lovers, that all of a sudden they are orgasmic, and sex is much more enjoyable for them. Speaking as someone that spent a great many years of her sexual life being anorgasmic during the act itself, I know that it is quite possible to enjoy sex without having an orgasm, so it's not as if "I can't come (during penetration only)=I don't like sex," but perhaps some women feel that it isn't worth the bother, and I fully support their making that choice, the same as I would support a man doing the same thing.

I used to feel like a total freak; the studies I've seen say that about 1/3 of women are actually able to orgasm from penetration alone. That's it -- 33% of women. Somewhere around the same number of women have never had an orgasm. Fortunately, I was never part of that number; I was merely challenging. ;) Subsequent experience taught me that, hell yes I can come, and y'know what on top of that? I'm a screamer! ;) But prior to that, it seemed as if most of my female friends with whom I discussed sex could come during sex, and for them it wasn't difficult at all; anatomically, I am not suited to orgasm from rubbing my pubis against someone else's pubic bone. It just doesn't provide the right stimulation for me, because I'm just not built for it. *shrug* I can live with that, and still have a great time in bed. It's the foreplay stuff that's sometimes more fun... othertimes it's just getting slowly made love to or out-and-out fucked that's where it's at. ;)

I also had a conversation with an old friend today about school programs and how long we've known each other and whatnot, as well as some of my thoughts behind the whole abandoning the list thing. It was really nice, and it kept me alert and interested during my shift at work, which isn't a usual thing for Wednesdays. Did I mention Wednesdays are my longest days? Urgh.

I can't believe there's only something like 7 weeks of classes left; at least 7 Wednesday classes left. *dance* Of course, in that time I still have a reading log, a term paper and a midterm to do, and that's just for the scary class. November is going to royally suck.

Huh. Checking out Blogger stats right now, and someone hit my site twice by searching for 'j-place amateur' -- frankly, I'm afraid of what 'j-place' might stand for, and I thought I knew a bunch of the terms. In the interests of science, let's see what else turns up when I do the same search...

I get an ad for a bisexual exhibitionist swinger, some information on professional versus amateur photographers, up the skirt shots, and some other random sites that include 'j-place' as a name... my site turned up for two different entries: One when I mention going over to J's place (the ex-boyfriend), and then another where I posted a big list of what your first initial tells about you when it comes to sex, and for "J" names, you don't like amateurs... weird things turn me up on Google. :)

So, I'm giving myself a day off or so. Today my third season of Sex and the City arrived from Chapters (which reminds me of the other thing I wanted to write about), so I'm going to watch a few episodes tonight then gorge on those and my Greek Mythology readings tomorrow. After sleeping in. :) And pampering myself in the bath and facial mask and all the stupid girly things that are fun to do. Maybe I'll even redo my nails if I feel adventurous. :)

So, Chapters thoughts. The Ottawa Citizen had an article about this on Sunday; namely that they're slowly making Chapters less reader-friendly, and more into a business. They've phased out the comfy chairs (which I'd noticed -- it's because they're harder to keep clean and undamaged, they claim), opened up the kid's section (so that parents will stop abandoning kids there, apparently), and now Starbucks has a sign out asking that you not bring in unpaid merchandise. According to the author of the article, Chapters people used to be very understanding if you spilled coffee on a book or magazine you hadn't purchased; frankly, I find that highly doubtful, and I seem to recall that sign having been there for quite some time -- it's not a recent addition. What is a recent addition, though, is the purpley paint that's slowly replacing the happy yellow paint that used to adorn the walls. As well, all of the big signs that used to advertise which section you were in -- "Lifestyles," "Fiction" and whatnot -- are now gone, namely because there were where the purple paint is now. The section in front of the cashiers used to have a few tables full of discounted books, and maybe some Godiva chocolates or gift boxes (Chapters has long had a partnership with Godiva, that predated the Indigo acquiring them), but now there are vast tables full of stuffed toys, kitchenware, candles, and various other non-book related items. If I want to buy a martini glass and shaker, I think I'm going to go to a kitchenwares store; I'm not about to go to my local Chapters. Chapters is for books; I go there because I like the selection of books it has (and please note, I still frequent Coles, probably even more so than Chapters), not because I can buy prepackaged coffee or decks of cards (yes, these are all items you can buy in Chapters, this isn't even Starbucks coffee that they're selling). Chapters had a warm, uplifting feeling for me; anytime I'm going from work to go to Chapters, I tell my coworker J that I'm going to "play in Chapters." It smelled slightly of coffee, which I liked even though I don't drink the stuff, and there was light jazz or pop music playing in the background (Starbucks always seemed to have some jazz music going on, same with their Internet-capable computer section), nothing that interfered with your book perusal. Today, there was some kind of harder R&B... I don't know quite how to describe it, but it certainly wasn't music I would have chosen to put on while eyeing books. A bookstore is a calming, fun place for me; I can spend hours just gazing at the titles and covers and the different colours and lettering and sizes and such of the books. I don't require music to enhance the experience, but if so, I think that something like jazz music is a nice background counterpoint.

Anyhow, I'm not as ranty about it as that sounds. It's just thoughts I had while there. I did leave with one book, though, so the experience wasn't for nought; mainly I'm waiting on the paperback versions of some of my favourite author's books to come out, or even their newest offerings (i.e., Susan Andersen, Jennifer Crusie, Terry Pratchett, Robert Asprin, if you were wondering ;)).

Heard from Di that Sara, her sister, said that the part-time profs may be going on strike. Of course, there's nothing on the website if this is in fact the case. What it does mean, though, is the potential to screw up my final year (although not a huge deal, since I live at home and work basically full-time throughout the year). However, if it means that I fail Theories, or even if I do fail Theories on my own account, I'm going to the department to offer them a pint of blood and my best friend and my first born children in order that they might pass me.

Barring that, I'll offer to kill off a select few of their enemies, and see if that helps my case. :)

Maybe several pounds of chocolate... we'll see.

I remembered why I was bringing up the conversation with K, the old friend. I realized today (although it's been mentioned by a few people before, it seemed to really drive home today), that I tend to attribute a lot of negative qualities to groups of people. That sounds wrong; namely, I project past experiences onto people. It's nothing to do with them -- it's not like anyone in the group gave me cause to think that such-and-such an action or comment meant what I analyzed it to me, but it's simply my conditioning from past relationships and friendships, unfortunately. Because the ex- or the coworker would say or react to something a certain way, I expect totally different groups of people to react the same way. Or someone makes a comment and I read way too much into what they've said or their expression or their tone. It's quite the road to paranoia, and it's totally unfair. I've always taken people's opinions to heart, even if they were someone that meant nothing to me. I don't know why I have, maybe conditioning from elementary school when the R's would make fun of me and I just wanted to be liked, I don't know.

What am I trying to say? Namely that I'm always self-conscious. I worry all the time that I'm talking too much, or not enough, or saying something offensive or stupid or not funny... and sometimes I relax and forget all this... and that would seem to be the times when the coworker would start to pout because I said something that upset him or I didn't pay enough attention to him or whatever.

Ben and I had a conversation a few nights ago about the 'importance' of having bad relationships because they teach you how to deal with adversity and you learn how to fight with someone you love. I say to you Ben, this is freaking proof that all you wind up with is baggage and horrible circumstances. Bad relationships are nothing but bad experiences, and while I have to celebrate all that every one of my relationships has taught me, I tend to regret the baggage and sore spots and hot buttons and paranoias -- either mine or someone else's (like The Ex-, UBFM's problem with being called a "goof" -- but you could call him anything else!). I need a few years in an isolation chamber to lose all this... and any other social skills whatsoever I might have had. ;)

I think that's all I have in my head for now. I'm going to go see if I can get onto Dad's computer so I can start my smut- or porn-watching, as my parents term it. I call it fun. :) I may have tomorrow, or I may wind up using it all up on the emails I owe and whatnot. We'll see. :)

2002/10/16

Sorry about the updates arriving in one big chunk; I had some problems with the blog for a few days and couldn't post to it. :P I'll have some stuff later, but I'm feeling kinda blah about writing right now.

Actually, I'm feeling kinda blah in general. Stupid weather.

So, finished the paper around 12:30 a.m. last night. Tales about Shadow cat later -- kinda lost my momentum here for now.

2002/10/15

I am the reading log's bitch. :P
More stuff from old emails and such...

The Language of a College Student

Beer Goggles: One's perception when under the influence of alcohol. Often causes unattractive people to look hot, long distances to look jumpable, and break dancing moves to look easy.

Beer Slut : A woman at the party who will get on any guy who is providing free beer.

BFN : Butt Fuck Nowhere - really far from campus, and/or civilization. [Jen's note: Where I have classes every semester, it seems. :P And I thought I was the only one that used this phrase!]

Booze [s?]nooze : A nap taken early in the afternoon to prepare for the night's party, after you've already been drinking.

Breaking the Seal :Going pee pee for the first time while drinking. Once the seal is broken, restroom trips become much more frequent.

Butterface : A girl who has a great body but not an attractive face. Comes from...."Everything looks good on her, BUT-HER-Face."

Cock Block : When one guy in a group interferes with another guy's efforts to score.

Deja Booty :1) a situation in which an individual reunites with a former fling in a seemingly random - and ironic twist of fate. 2) a rare instance when one hooks up with a seemingly new person only to realize that they had hooked up in the past but forgot because they drank too much Gold Schalger that night with Cool Jay down the hall.

Dropping Ass :An extremely violent bowel movement after a weekend of bad bar food and beer, "Don't go in the bathroom, I just dropped ass like Hiroshima."

Fifteen Minute Rule : If a professor is more than 15 minutes late, the class may leave and not expect any repercussion. If the class is taught by a TA, the time is shortened considerably.

Glaze Your Seat : Making a female excited.

Got Five On It : A rule that allows an individual to leave his/her seat in a room and return within five minutes and still retain rights to sit there.

Hallcest: The dangerous act of getting with someone on your hall your freshman year.

Hoggin' :The practice of hooking up with large, hefty individuals.

Jersey Chaser :A lady who only wants to get with the football/basketball players.

Knocking It : Recreational intercourse. Possibly from "knocking the boots." Possibly not.

Lightweight : One who is unable to handle their alcohol. [Jen's note: I.e., me, especially when I haven't been drinking in awhile.]

MDA (Mysterious Drinking Accident) : What happens when you get drunk and hurt yourself in some way, but don't remember it. Evidence of MDA's include cuts and bruises and NO MEMORY how you got them.

Navy Seal : When you have to pull a mission impossible because your friend is hooking up with the cute girl, but they brought the ugly girl. So you have to pull a Navy Seal and take one for the team. See also Jump On the Gernade.

Sausage Party : A gathering of many more men than women.

Setting the Pick : This is when you employ a friend to stop someone from approaching. For example, you see an old hook up coming up to you at a party. They will certainly ruin your current chances at nookie, so your friend intercepts the old flame before they get to you. Of coarse, you now owe your friend in return for the favor.

Slump Busting : When you are in a slump; either academic, athletic, or romantic, the sure fire cure is to go to the bar and find the nastiest, fattest, most wretched woman you can, take her home, and do the deed. Also known as, "taking one for the team" and "laying the wood to a fattie."

The Stranger : Sitting on your hand until it becomes numb, then jerking off. If feels like someone else, "a stranger," is doing it for you.

The Stranger-Ette : Same as above, but paint your nails.

Summer Teeth (mostly in Sudbury) : That woman has summer teeth, "summer" there, some ain't."

Three Second Rule :If a piece of food falls on the floor, one has three seconds to retrieve it before it gets to dirty to eat. Less than three seconds and the food in question is safe to ingest.

Ten Second Rule :Drunk version of Three Second Rule.

Upper Pooper :What you would like to do to a particularly attractive female.

Walk of Shame: The long, humiliating walk across campus in the same thing that you had on last night after hooking up that night.

Wounded Soldier : A full beer found when cleaning up the next day after a party.
I now have fouffy hair. :)

And before I forget... thank you to the person who found my site by searching for "blog" and "awesome sex" on Google. I think that's freaking hilarious, and I'm only sorry I haven't had any to post here for awhile. ;)

And a file from D, my girlfriend:

This pre-booty call agreement (hereinafter referred to as the "Agreement") is entered into on the _____day of __________, 2002, by_______________________, between ____________and______________.


THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:

1. No sleeping over - unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.

2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.

3. No calls before 9 PM - we don't have shit to talk about.

4. None of that "lovemaking" shit - only sex allowed.

5. No emotional discussions (i.e. Where are we heading with this? Do you love me?) The
answer is no, so don't ask.

6. No plans made in advance - that is why you are called the "backup," unless you are from
out-of-town, then it's only a one-time advanced arrangement.

7. All gifts accepted - money is always good.

8. No baby talk - however, dirty talk is encouraged.

9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers - it's really none of your damn business.

10. No calling each other "friends with privileges" we are not friends, just sex buddies.

11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK - don't be offended.

12. No extra clothing - I don't want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.

13. No falling asleep right after sex - it's over, so get your ass up, get dressed and go the
fuck home.

14. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it - I don't care.

15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.

16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be: "My roommate's
girlfriend/boyfriend."

17. Doggie style is the preferred position - the reason is less eye contact the better.

19. No condoms, no fucking. Carry your ass home.

20. Bring your own drink - I am not your liquor store.

21. No phone use, please - don't want anyone calling back looking for your ass.


* EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS:

The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this Agreement, it will automatically
become null and void and you will then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from phone memory and email list. In other words, you will be BLOCKED from all communications until your silly ass understands the rules.


Participating Party

Signature_______________________________________
Date: ________________

Participating Party

Signature_______________________________________
Date: ________________
Too weird, it looks like some of the comments have disappeared off my site. :( Who's deleting their comments?!

Ah well. So tired. Nice dinner last night with the folks... mentioned to them I think I might have SAD (Seasonal Affect Disorder -- when you get really depressed because of the changing over to fall/winter). I was saying that last fall/winter I was never totally 'up' until spring, and in the fall I had a whole bunch of crap going on, but in the winter, not really... and now it seems to be happening again, so... So I'm not sure what the next step is. I was saying I could try getting one of those lamps (a full spectrum lamp, I found out) and see how it goes... I know there are prescribed times to use it and all that, but I also know at least two people who have them, so I could find out all the info and just see if it helps.

Then my dad started making jokes about how we could set it up in the basement and also grow pot down there. He was saying that all the extra electricity is going to obviously cost money, so this way we could grow pot and make a profit, or at least break even. Then I made the joke that if the lamp didn't work out, at least I could smoke the pot and feel better that way. And this was a good family dinner. ;)

Hung out with R last night, who was in town. I got the pity visit, 'cause I happened to reply to his email and he called me up. ;) We were trying to get together with Ben, but couldn't get a hold of him, so we figure he was with his girlfriend and therefore out of reach. R and I drank at the bar for a bit, and because it's been since my birthday since I got drunk, and since D's birthday since I've had any alcohol (essentially a month), I was a very cheap drunk. :P Then went over to Denny's for dessert, since I hadn't had any with my family's dinner, and brought my dad back a slice of pumpkin pie. Good times, fun conversation as always.

Sunday night I got together with Big A, finally met his dog. Gave the pup a scratch for about two hours straight, so I'm now his new best friend, I think. :) It was good seeing Big A again... we got cheesecake after I finished my shift and just chatted all over the place; people, pets, and all the rest. We're going to start hanging out more, I think... life last year just got stupid for both of us, so we had to take time for that, as opposed to each other, unfortunately.

What else? The weekend was pretty quiet overall. Tonight is going to be slightly stressful, since I have to get some reading done and write a paper, and still get up tomorrow by 6:30 for an exam... crap! I have to do some studying for that, as well. :P It's "do 2 of 5 essay questions" so I don't think I'll be in a lot of trouble, but still... argh.

Hooray for school. :P I always forget the constant mild panic of never being fully-caught up on my readings, and worrying all the time about making sure I'm making payments to everything I owe on... *sigh* Ah well, just a few more months to go, and then I can either move on to just work, or part-time school, or another degree and bunch of debt. Yay!

Anyhow, time to get ready for class. Maybe we'll get our women and media papers back... I really do hope that the TA was teaching the course on Friday; otherwise I'll feel bad that we missed it. :P And Friday is the university day, so this week has been a really short week!

And the Bay has their Christmas decorations out for sale already -- I saw them last week in one of the hallways connecting it to the mall. Argh! It wasn't even freaking Thanksgiving yet, let alone Hallowe'en or Remembrance Day! If there are three major days before the holiday you have your decorations out for, then you have them out way too early. Admittedly, it was for sale, not for decorating the store, but it's just a slippery slope. :P
Do you ever look at someone or think of someone you know and wonder, "How in the hell does this person get laid? How does some guy willingly fuck him/her? Or how does some girl willingly let him/her into her body?"

Then do you ever wonder if people look at you and think the same thing, and feel guilty for being so snotty in the first place?

My head is an interesting place to live.

Being tipsy at the Denny's is fun! As is bringing home pie for your dad. :)

2002/10/14

I just love being threatened. Maybe it wasn't intended that way, but that makes twice I've heard that exact phrase used, from the same person, and it sure as hell feels that way.

Let's see, first date was 6/28/02... breakup was 9/04/02. That's... about 67 days, give or take.

Today is 10/14/02. It's been about... 40 days. That gives me 27 days to get over or shut up.

I need to leave this city. Leave my computer behind, get a new phone number, new cell phone, and new life.

I wish it were six months from now. I wish it were six years from now.

Fuck. I wish I could stop feeling.

2002/10/13

Are you happy?
Fixed up some pages a bit... slowly but surely developing the sample pages for each comic strip. So far, I've done Dilbert, Get Fuzzy and Avalon. We'll see what else I get done. :)

Gotta get ready for work now (including showering and whatnot), but I'll have plenty of time to post from work, so I will likely be doing so.

2002/10/12

Sorry about the lack of updates; I've been feeling very uninspired, writing-wise, which is why I'm really behind on emails as well.

Actually, I've been feeling very uninspired about a lot of things, which is why I'm also behind on cleaning my room, getting rid of old clothes and books, and doing my readings. I'm starting to pull ahead in that last, though, so that's good.

So, had an argument with the ex- a few nights ago about how I put my mood in my MSN name. He feels I do it just for attention, and if I didn't want people asking me all the time about it, I wouldn't be doing it. I told him I do it to reflect how I'm feeling, which is true. If I'm feeling happy, it goes in there. If I have a quote I like, it goes in there. If no one asks me about it, fine. *shrug* That was... oh, Tuesday night, I think. Also had an argument in there about him assuming that once I've made up my mind on something, I can't change it (namely his girlfriend), and blah blah blah... we had one awhile ago about something stupid that I don't feel like typing out, but the short version of it is that, even though he's known me for about 8 or 9 years now (eesh!), he couldn't give me the benefit of the doubt on a comment I'd made; he automatically assumed the worst and went after me for it, instead of asking me about to see if that's actually how I meant it. :P

Got together with Ben for lunch on Wednesday. It was an awful day, weather-wise, and I was drinking hot drinks and had a hot soup for lunch. I had on a long-sleeved shirt, a sweatshirt, and my jacket, and I was still freezing. While we were waiting for the bus, Ben lent me his fleece, which I put on on top of everything, and I was finally warm. :) I don't deal well with being cold; I really really dislike it.

I spent the first half of the week being rather exhausted, too. Tuesday and Wednesday I was just absolutely wiped, Wednesday in particular, as I was up so early and at school for so long. I was falling asleep in both my classes and while I was at work, and yet on the bus, and before class, I couldn't really nap. :P

Yesterday I spent finishing up the second season of Sex and the City; I watched some of it Wednesday night, as well. I watched Gilmore Girls on tape, snuggled with the cats, got a tiny bit of reading done, and then went and picked up Ben and brought him to class with me. Chatted with the TA for a bit afterwards, and then went back to Ben's and watched "She's All That" -- finally! -- with his younger brother and I got home around 4:30 in the morning. Urgh. :)

It was kinda fun; I was being bad. The brother and I were flirting somewhat, but in what I think was a fairly harmless manner; prior to Ben returning from a phone call, we'd been talking about a girl that likes the brother and how he feels about it and whatnot. Most of our flirting involved poking at each other, or insulting or throwing out sexual comments to each other. We're both in a dry spell right now, so that doesn't really help, I don't think. ;) It's weird; I think he's a cutie, but I view him as a bit of a brother figure, simply because he's Ben's brother and much too young. So, it's fun to joke around and laugh, and I think (I hope!) everyone gets a giggle out of it, and doesn't get upset about it. However, if anyone is bothered by this (read: Ben or his brother), I would hope they would feel comfortable enough speaking up about it to me.

Tuesday's Women and Media class was taught by the TA, and my girlfriends and I don't like him or what he had to say, so we skipped class today. I got to bed late (obviously), so I was not terribly impressed when Mom called me at 10:30 this morning and woke me up. :P However, it meant I had time to get up and slug around the house, including watching CSI. It meant I got to work at the same time as I would've had I gone to class and then gone to work. The difference was that this week, I was done work around quarter after five (I worked until about 6, doing some music uploading that I've been putting aside for awhile), then came home and made myself some dinner and did a bit of reading... mostly I've been trying to find something on television that'll hold my interest for longer than five minutes. :P

Although I did watch the courtroom scene of Tom Cruise movie I can think of that I liked; I don't find him attractive, except in that flick. I hate the shaggy, unshorn look he has going on now; I like my men clean-cut for the most part, but some can get away with the scruffy look, or the long hair...Brendan Fraser in George of the Jungle, or Swordfish or X-Men are good examples of guys who can get away with it. Val Kilmer looked great in The Saint, and Dean Cain looked deliciously scrumptious in Lois & Clark.

Okay, I'm done now. However, I'm disappointed with some of the pictures that IMDB has for the actors. :P As soon as I get some good ones, they'll go into the photo gallery I'm setting up. :)

*mops up drool*

What else? Well, the coworker emailed me the other day saying that he missed having me in his life. The email was three lines long, and since I have shown over and over that I have no respect for that kind of rule of netiquette, here it is:
"subj: Crazy
You wanna hear something crazy?

I actually miss not having you in my life.

Weird eh?"

So I lied to Ben when I said it had the believe it or not thing, but that would normally be how he would write it. So, I replied, explaining that I've been ignoring him and treating work as something to go and do because I've got a lot on my mind, not because I hate him. I explained that this year, my stress is showing itself as crying jags instead of being snappy (which was how I was to him before, but I honestly think that was a product of him being part of the stress, but I didn't tell him that)... and he sent me one email saying he was sorry to hear that, and he remembered how tough it was going to school and work at the same time (sidebar about that, but I'll leave it be), and he sent me a picture of two cats that he hoped would make me smile, at least. Then he sent me another email saying that he'd still be willing to give me a hug, but I had to ask for it; he wasn't going to offer it.

Fneh. Typical coworker stuff; "I'll do x or y or z for you, but you have to ask for them; I'm not going to offer them!" I don't know what that's all about, but there are certain patterns he has that are so fucking frustrating and annoying that it just drives me nuts. :P He complained once that I wasn't predictable, that he could never be certain how I'd react to something... well, that may be a problem and all, but frankly, I think in a lot of ways it's preferable to always having the same patterns and such, like his royal arseness. :P Sorry, I'm not actually feeling as annoyed as that likely all came off. :)

Time for a Sex and the City break... I'll continue this when I get back. :)

Okay, I'm back. Caught some Sex and the City, and also caught the second half or so of Dogma, one of the great Kevin Smith flicks. :)

What else was I going to write about? Well, caught White Oleander on Monday with J and a couple of girls from the crew. A review I read of it today in the paper said that while it was a good movie, you're basically left asking, "And what's the point?" which was pretty much how I felt after it was over. I didn't hate it, I didn't love it, and I was left wondering, "Okay, so...?"

I'm going to keep padding out my site, including fixing out the favourites/samples part of the comics page, and adding a photo gallery with pics of celebrities and whomever else I feel like putting up there. Likely not pics of friends or myself, continuing that tradition, but we'll see; I may bend on that.

I thought I had something more I wanted to say, but now I can't recall it. :P

Well, I'm getting my system upgrade within the next week or so... so it means that I can start watching my DVDs in my room, and it means that I'll likely be heading out to pick up season three of Sex and the City very soon. :)

I've decided that the PMS is what's really responsible for my wicked-ass mood swings. :P Last winter I didn't do so well with the weather, either; once spring came around, I was much happier. Maybe it's the same in this situation, which is going to make for some long, miserable months. *sigh*

Overall, this last year has really sucked total balls:

The ex- and I broke up.
I started seeing the pizza guy and screwed that up -- and it wasn't the greatest relationship to begin with, but it was good for what it was supposed to be.
I started seeing the coworked, and anyone who's been reading for any length of time knows how well that worked, and especially ended. ;)
My grandmother died.
Chloe disappeared.
The ex- started dating and sleeping with his current girlfriend, which took me quite some time to get used to and over, especially when he kept coming back and fooling around with me and saying he wanted to sleep with me, and he wanted to sleep with me more than her. And no, I didn't do it.
Then, I meet this wonderful guy, totally fall for him and have a great, if short, relationship, and now I'm getting over that. :P Oh. Well. I'm tough.

I have thoughts here on dry spells, but I don't know the best way to articulate it, and I'm bound to shock people. ;) I feel bad; I never really bothered about that before, but now I'm starting to think about what I write every now and then.

I'll try, though. Although I should probably go to sleep very soon; I'm writing seriously grammatically incorrect sentences. :P

Okay, so... basically, as long as I've been sexually active (and I'm not talking about full penetration or anything, I'm talking about any kind of sexual activity), I haven't had much of a dry spell. That's not to say that I was jumping from relationship to relationship, although the last several years have pretty much worked out that way. I mean... I started going out with the ex- the first time, then The Ex-, then the ex- again, then the pizza guy, the coworker, and J. I wasn't looking for anyone, except kinda in J's case... it just worked out that way. The Ex- was the first guy I slept with (unfortunately, one might say), and since that time, the longest non-penetration amount of time I've had has been four months. The first time was the choice of the ex- -- he wanted to wait on penetration, but we were fooling around otherwise -- and the second time was chronicled on here back in the spring, when I stopped sleeping with the coworker. He and I would occasionally fool around, but there wasn't any penetration, and that was the way I wanted it.

All of that is leading up to the thought I've had, and that's that a self-imposed dry spell -- even one with 'other' activities -- is one thing... having one imposed on you, without any other kind of contact, sucks. :P Especially when, yes, you are horny, but not for just anyone that happen along. Because, speaking honestly and not vainly, if I wanted to get laid, I probably could. That's not a definite, I'm sure that things have changed in other people's lives, and for all I know the last person to make me an offer has since found someone, but there was also a friend of mine who not-really asked me out... I'm sure I could turn that into something more if I wanted to. But, I don't.

I learned after the three times that I had non-romantic sexual relationships with people that I need the caring to really put myself into the act itself. As sex for sex's sake, I still enjoy the act and still want to ensure that my partner enjoys himself, but it's more like the orgasm is the goal, and let's get to that goal sooner, rather than later. When I'm in a romantic relationship with someone, sure, sometimes it's a quickie or what-have-you (as chronicled in here ;)), but I definitely feel the mood more often where I want to take my time kissing my partner all over and teasing and pleasing him, ensuring that he has the best possible time, and enjoying being pampered and teased when it's my turn.

Now that I think about it, I think the first time that J and I slept together was likely my best 'first time' with anyone. The first time is usually awkward and uncomfortable, since you're so busy learning each other's bodies and you're all excited 'cause it's the first time and all, but we had a lot of time spent on foreplay, and he was driving me insane and I was doing my best to do the same to him. When it came time for the goal... well, a few select friends have been fortunate enough to hear that story, but quite frankly, I was surprised, amazed, pleased, and very giggly. Maybe some day when I'm less conscious of his friends reading here, I'll post more details, but for now... it's weird, it's one of those lines I just can't bring myself to cross, even though he used to encourage me to do so. I think he liked the public ego boost, or at least the idea of it. ;)

Ah well... I can write stuff like that now without the feeling of regret that I used to have. That's not to say that I don't feel that at other times, like when I see him in person, but for now at least, I'm numb. Well, I'm warm, which is a pleasant change from most of today when I was freezing, but I'm not feeling all weepy and such. Apparently that part of my period has passed. :P

For people who've read this far, thoughts on Monday. At first, I was okay. I got there late and wound up sitting next to him, which had not been my plan. Then, when he went to get snacks and drinks, he wouldn't take my money for the snacks I got. Then, he got a large popcorn and we wound up sharing it. All of these are boyfriend/girlfriend things, and the fact that I couldn't enjoy them as such was a bit of salt in the wound, but I did okay. He and I had chatted a bit on ICQ earlier that afternoon (and when I say a bit, I mean about 7 or 8 lines probably), and then another 5 or 6 lines when I got home, and we said a few words to each other at the theatre, but that was about it. I know at one point when I looked over at him, or caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of my eye, it was a case of "Damn, you look good," but what can I do about it? Nadda thing. :P

One of the girls that was at the movie and I have been emailing back and forth; she's one of the people to whom I owe email. She's had some pretty insightful and interesting things to say on the matter, and it's been really ... well, interesting I guess... to learn someone else's perspective on it.

It's unfortunate that he's not ready for a relationship right now, but y'know what? It's his loss. He told me that I was fantastic and all kinds of other things, and he said he was totally falling for me, the ex-'s cousin thought we were adorable together, all of his friends and family that I met appeared to like me, and the same applies for my friends and family -- my mom even liked him! -- and we both said we were good together... and he's missing out on that. I'm going places. I'm finishing my degree, I'm going to go places in my job as soon as I get some courage, and I might be changing various other situations as well. I'm at a great place in my life right now, and I will be building something really great here, and he's going to miss out on that. I understand where he's coming from, but quite frankly, I think there's balance that could've been achieved, but now... I don't know, maybe it's too late. Whether it is or not, it's not my move to make, that's for sure.

So, as much as I've bemoaned in here on my site, I don't want another relationship. Sure, there are things I miss about being in a couple, and these are things that you just can't do or get as a single chick, but I'm okay with that. My friends appreciate me, and I have more time and energy to devote to my schoolwork and my paid work. If someone asked me out on a date, I'd say yes, provided I was interested. *shrug* But I'm not looking for anything more, which is exactly the time when I usually meet someone and wind up in a serious relationship with them. :P

But I'm holding out for someone worthwhile, someone who'll treat me right. Ah hell, who'm I kidding? I'll probably wind up with another string of toads and get hung up on someone who'll probably physically abuse me or something equally awful. *roll* I also know that I'd likely go back out with J if he were to ask me, but first of all, I know that's not going to happen for a long time, if ever, and second of all, I'd be a lot more cautious, I know.

*roll* Okay, I'm lying to myself. I probably wouldn't be that cautious even then. *sigh* I'm stupid.

So, thinking far in advance to the only fun events that are going to be part of my life for the next little while... Hallowe'en and the work Christmas party. I have an idea for my costume for Hallowe'en, I just need to get a hair cut, hair dye, and and idea of how I'm going to put that costume together in the next little while. I want to get a black bodysuit, so I need to get to a dance supplies store in that time.

For the work Christmas party, I've heard that it's being held in our workplace this time around, which kinda sucks, and kinda leads me to think that I don't want to go spend money on a dress or go too fancy... last time, I bought a dress, and I don't think I like it very much, or didn't even half-way through the evening. I'm thinking I'll wear my high school grad dress; it's royal blue, it's longish, it's nice, and when else will I get to wear it again? :P Apparently we'll have a block of hotel rooms reserved for us, so I'll probably get a room again, even if it's just me, or if I share it with some of the other producers/ops from work, as Vicki suggested. I'd love to have a room to myself with a boyfriend... Part of me wants to set a goal of being in a relationship by that time, especially if the coworker will be showing up with his girlfriend, but the other part of me knows that that's unrealistic, calculating, and unlikely to happen anyways. I don't want a boyfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend, that's just stupid.

But damn, I'd love to initiate one of those kind-sized beds, which I didn't take the opportunity to do last year. But last year I was exhausted, annoyed, weirded, feeling vaguely guilty, and frankly, just not interested enough. Which was weird, 'cause hotel rooms kinda make me horny. :)

Ah well, maybe I'll hook up with someone at the party. ;)

Yesterday, hanging out with Ben, waiting for Di to show up (which she never did, because she and Ben are the Polkaroo). We had a bit of a chat about hope, which I'll try to get into tomorrow, but for now, I really have to go to bed. I'm reaching cross-eyed stage, or at least the "I can't think" stage. I'll try to come up with more for tomorrow, if my faithtful readers can be bothered to read that much. ;)

And btw... use the comments section! It's there for a reason... so I know that people love me and actually read my site, not just hit it by accident. :)

Night everyone.

Oh yeah... sometimes I wonder how many of the hits I get are actually me, checking to see if anyone's posted any comments, or checking to see if what I'm writing/trying out has posted properly. :P :)

2002/10/09

I'm trying to revise a bunch of my site, clean up the garbage that is the HTML code in my template. It's not going to be the prettiest of formats, but I'm trying. :)

2002/10/08

More cleaning off of my computer...

Here's a few text files I've found. I'm zipping up a lot of the pictures that I had on my hard drive... not deleting them, but not making them accessible, either.

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one that has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.


And a joke...
Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they make love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped on her reading lamp one passionate night, only to find a cucumber in his hand. "Is THIS what you've been using on me for the last 5 years?" she asked, pointing at the vegetable. "Honey, let me explain . . ." "Why, you sneaky bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a bitch!" "Speaking of sneaky," her husband coolly interjected, "maybe you'd like to explain our three kids."

2002/10/07

Hello, wicked ass mood swings. It's gonna be a fun week, ladies and gentlemen!

Driving home from the movie this evening, I felt like doing anything but going straight home. I wanted to spend time with a friend or two, and it was then that I realized just how few of my friends live in the city. Especially friends that I can call up and just hang out with for an hour or two until I felt better, without necessarily talking about what was upsetting me.

It's a very lonely feeling, having plenty of friends and so few of them nearby. I wish I had set crew of people, like on Sex and the City or something. A best friend or a group of friends that I could call up and get together whenever there was something going on.

Anyhow, I think that blue mood has passed for now. I think the crying was cathartic, so we'll see how long that lasts.

In a blast from the past... I'm going through files on my computer and seeing what I could clean out. Here's something I found that I wrote long before this started. I think I figured I'd host it off our home mail server, and it just never went anywhere:

"March 7, 2001. 8:20 p.m.

Well, I’ve decided to jump on the bandwagon that my friends have started rolling, at least for now. I’ll see what I can do about starting an online journal, and let people into the horrible little recesses and nooks and crannies that are my head and psyche (sorry about the language, I’m in paper-writing mode).

The latest frustration in my life involves my parents. You’d think I’d be out of the teenage rebellion/frustration phase, wouldn’t you? Mind you, I never really rebelled, so maybe that’s what this is now. I want to have a social life, so I go out of the house. Now, when I hang out with certain people who drive me home, I don’t always get home until a decent hour, which causes my parents anger, since they’d be happier if I spent more time on school. Dammit. My classes this semester are boring, and do not interest me much, so after working and going to classes and having little to no time to myself, the last thing I want to do is come home and reading Organizations Theories or read about Marxism in the media or other crap like that.

Whatever. I just finished one of the papers, and it’s probably crappy and I don’t care. Now there’s only two left. *sigh*

What else? I’m in a weird place right now relationship-wise, and I don’t know what to think anymore and I almost don’t care. The coworker told me on Monday that he likes me, and we had lunch today, and that was fine. He knows that I’m not looking for commitment, just fun, and that didn’t seem to send him running off, so I guess I shouldn’t worry. I wonder if I’m doing the right thing, going out for dates with someone who may be more into me than I am into him, but I like his company and he’s a good person, so I guess as long as I don’t lie to him or let things get out of hand, it’s all good.

I think that’s all I feel like writing right now. We’ll see what happens later."

Funny how things look in hindsight, now? I don't even remember this lunch he and I had together, but that was an awfully long time ago, emotion-wise and everything else wise. Eeesh. He's a good person... *laugh* Okay, not fair. :)

So, going to go see if I can get the computer from Dad to watch some more shows, or perhaps have a quick shower to warm up. I hate the fall and winter seasons -- I'm always cold.