*sigh* Man, do I want to be elsewhere. Ideally, I want to go lie on the lawn in my backyard at my parents' place and nap while the cats roam about me. :)

Urgh. I went outside on my lunch break again and read while I enjoyed the sun. Then I forced myself to go back inside 'cause the wasp(s) was/were terrorizing me, not to mention if I stayed out any longer my butt would be even more numb and I would fall asleep. That last one was really the problem one.

Then I came in and worked on one of my new cross stitches for a bit. It's *majorly* involved, so progress on this thing is going to be stupid slow, but it's going to look fantastic when it's done, and I know I'll feel really good about it. Then I have one more like it, and another on order. I hate myself. :)

Yeesh. Somehow this week I wound up with a social life. I don't know how the hell that happened. What went on? Monday was something ... or nothing. I think it was just quiet. I don't remember now. Tuesday I got together with Mark for his going-away dinner, whereby we ate leftover steak (delicious, btw!), watched Clerks the cartoon, and chatted and acted stupid. Odd tensions and feelings and questions and uncertainties and so on abound in my little head. I was horribly molested that evening, with having my neck and face licked and so on. Ick. And regardless of what he might say, I didn't start anything. I also learned that yes, I can in fact make a first move. Yay, me.

Then I bused home, managing to miss the last really useful bus by about 5 minutes (urgh!), and getting home later than planned... and feeling kinda sick during my travels. I got home to a kitten that was rather pleased to see me (and her dinner), and went to bed basically as soon as I could, barring a few minutes of phone conversation with D, who was home.

Wednesday I had multi-plans; I tagged along on a pho dinner (first one I've actually enjoyed) with Mark, Ben, Eric and Mark's friend C, then went back to my place to meet up with D... and apologize for being late. After a few hours of catching up and pestering each other, I went out for dessert with G, an Italian guy I'd met off Lavalife. As Mark said, I can't pass up those Eye-talians. I got to bed about an hour after I got home, and that took us to Thursday morning, whereby Thena was an absolute terror, and I know it's completely because I wasn't home much for two days running. That element of her behaviour is so easy to see now, and that's why I make a point of not being out late several nights running -- I hate leaving her alone so much.

Thursday night I met B for coffee, had some nice chat and so on. We wandered through Blockbuster while I tried to see if there was anything worth renting, where I also ran into Big A and we said hi a bit. While I waited for D to show up and so on, I took Thena out on her leash and harness, 'cause she enjoys it. We stayed out for almost an hour, and she explored the deck and a bit of the driveway. She got scared when the cars came by, but otherwise was fine, good and independent and so on.

After the second car left, we went back inside and I heated up a chimichanga for supper -- healthy, no? :P D came over and we decided on Strange Days, and then I kicked him out after it was over, which took some doing. It's fun having someone insist that I stay up until 1 every night and that he doesn't need to leave at midnight, despite the fact that my eyes are heavy and I've been stuffed up all week from lack of sleep. :P :)

Thena more or less behaved herself that evening, so I think getting outside with her was a good idea, and one I'll try to keep up especially as the weather gets nicer. In the morning she started waking me up earlier than usual -- I think I woke up and got back to sleep at one point, but from about 6 onwards, she had me awake to some degree or another. The licking, the occasional testing nibble... she's mean.

And then this weekend is going to be the crazy some more... OFK is having his birthday celebration today, so it's Greek food and hanging out tonight... then tomorrow is a haircut, the gym, and gaming in the evening, plus heading out to a bar where an old sorta-teacher of mine is performing, if I can. Sunday is the usual circuit of work and so on... urgh. It will be crazy.

I also need to wash my dishes and ideally get some laundry done at some point, not to mention tidy up all the mail that Thena has seen fit to move about. I need to get my bills and so on sorted and put away -- that's basically all that's around. Argh. I want to move out. :P

Ah well. Hopefully at some point I'll get some time to sit and do some thinking and/or writing. I've been remiss in a lot of my fun habits lately, but it's 'cause it's hard to do many of them with Thena about... not to mention that some days after spending 8 hours in front of the computer trying to amuse myself, I don't necessarily want to go home and do the same. But writing will help me sort out my brain, which isn't such a bad thing in the end.

And because I apparently no longer believe in original content, have some bash.org quotes:

(daMehTognoM) Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize that I could be eating a slow learner.

-!- WetWired has joined #linux
<(WetWired) Wow, how... boring.
-!- WetWired has left #linux []
(@supruzr) he's gone. bust out with the clowns and the drugs and the hookers.

(Toasted) and I just found an unopened box of nerds under my bed while cleaning out my dormroom
(Toasted) I don't know whether to be horrified or ecstatic
(mahnchowder) eat them. report back if you suffer any ill effects.
(Toasted) already eating

(RaptorII) Screwing with people's minds is my ultimate pasttime however.
(Supe) Or is it?!

(Wraith) What IP addressing scheme should we use for the new lab?
(Rance) 10.10.220 plus the number...

(MillitePress) Yeah, it's about masturbation and stuff. Weird book.
(jamessheen) whats masturbation
(MillitePress) ...
(Kail) ...
(Nikul) ...
(MillitePress) It's a touchy subject

(ToastyGhost) Yo.
* Brentai joyously rapes ToastyGhost.
* ToastyGhost enjoys it also.
(Defcon) Toasty you fuck.
(ToastyGhost) No, Brentai did. I just stood there.

(Wodan) hi wich langage do u spieak?
(moonsee) heh
(moonsee) apparently not yours

(Mr_Evets) I wonder what would happen if I were to eat some Brine Shrimp
(Mr_Evets) I wonder if they'd mix with the semen in my stomach and create a seaciety
(Sabrejack) yes. they would.
(Mr_Evets) Would they build statues of me and worship me?
(Mr_Evets) Then the other half build statues of something else, worship it
(Mr_Evets) and start suicide bombing each other??
(Sabrejack) quite likely.
(Mr_Evets) Excellent
(Mr_Evets) Because I already ate the brine shimp

*** User Jezus has logged off the chat for idle time (13293 seconds).
(PlanetBob) Wow.. we've been visited by Jezus.. the new..and HIP jesus..

(BonzoBoy) An honorary degree is like a nerf dildo.
(ramoth4) nerf dildos can be fun....sort of
(Equinas) i use a nerf whip
(Equinas) it's part of the Bondage for Beginners set

(Thom) How can a guy be offended by male nudity?
(Thom) Did you have trouble showering?
(Thom) OH FUCK OH FUCK ITS A PENIS

Ah, Dear Abby, how your readers can be so... Well, you guys decide:

DEAR ABBY: I am a teen-age girl, and I'd like to offer some advice to other teens before they decide to have sex. Besides the possibility of getting pregnant or a sexually transmitted disease (STD), here are three reasons to remain a virgin:
1. When you get married, you want to be faithful to your spouse, right? Well, if you have sex now, you are already cheating on your future spouse.

2. Even though there are different kinds of contraceptives to choose from, none of them can protect your emotions. When you have sex, you become emotionally entangled with the other person. That's why it hurts so much if you break up. Sex should be part of a lifelong commitment.

3. Sex doesn't mean love. If your date doesn't respect your wishes not to have sex, he or she doesn't love you.

Abby, please print this. I'm so sick of my friends and classmates getting hurt by having sex. -- EAST COAST TEEN-AGER
--
Okay, so whatever. But the first point -- you're already being unfaithful to your future spouse?! Uhh.... what?! Yes, because I had sex with these boys when I was young, ten years before I met you or knew your or know I'd marry you, obviously I was cheating on your not-yet-a-reality, my love!

It's only cheating if you do it when you've agreed to be monogamous to someone, and they don't condone what you're doing. Otherwise, it's called another option. Not everyone wants to lead the same cookie-cutter uptight lifestyle.

And rather than leaving off there, I will continue my monologue/diatribe/whining about my day.

So... The weather today is supposed to be up to 23 degrees. That's nice. I decided today I would wear a dress (especially as my own clean pants are jeans and my boss was already bugging me about my wear yesterday. Not seriously, but still...). I put on a long dress with pantyhose (I hate pantyhose) and I get ready to go.

Now, because I haven't been home a lot the last two days and because my cat hates me, she decided that every time I walked past her, stopped moving, or was in her eyesight, it was time to climb me. If she wasn't climbing me, she was attacking me and/or biting me. My kitten loves me, right? Hah.

She was climbing me a fair bit yesterday, too, and I know I need to trim her nails, but of course she's too wound up and full of aggression to allow me to do it, so I have to wait until some other time when she calms down and I can get to her. Which, at the rate we're going, looks like it'll be after one of us is dead. My money's on me.

Then, while I was waiting for the bus, one that I would have liked to take (it would've meant no transferring) drove off without coming to the stop (it was part of a lineup). That was annoying.

I could've gotten out the door much earlier if Thena hadn't slowed me down by attacking me every five steps. Urgh. I just really wish she would just calm down or stop biting me or something. Maybe she'll slow down after she's spayed, but somehow I doubt it. Maybe she got the mean, angry ovaries. :P

And on another Dear Abby note, I present the following for your severe mocking:

DEAR ABBY: What do you do when your daughter tells you she has turned into a lesbian?
My husband and I raised her properly. She was married, but things changed. We are respectable people who try to be loving and kind.

Abby, will our daughter ever "turn around" and realize her biological clock is ticking? Will we ever see grandchildren? -- A MOTHER WHO CARES A LOT
--

But props to Abby for her reply. It reminds me of that quote I read on bash.org: Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, as straight parents only ever raise straight children.

Okay, so I've stalled for now. I'm going to go sit outside and read and enjoy my sandwiches. Yummy sandwiches for lunch. :)

Okay, so I have a new cell phone. Yayayay! It's fully charged and works and because I am an obnoxious little shit, the ringer is currently set to the Chicken Dance.

Oh, indeed.

This may change if I find something more me (i.e., annoying, unique and cute, although only in short doses), but for now... I plan on calling myself a lot when I'm around Ben. ;)

In other good news, my other phone was found, so this means that I don't have to ask people for their phone numbers again.

I do like my new phone, though. It is small and cute and has some neat functions, and my old ghetto phone can eat it when it gets hungry.

In other news, my cat is bad and determined to drive me mental. So, nothing there has changed.

Oi! Read this point!

Okay, so, a new cell phone is mere hours away from being mine (that stupidity shall be detailed at a later date), which is all greatness and fun...

...however...

...because I don't have my old phone and it was my portable phone book, many numbers have been lost to the ravages of time. Or something.

So if I had your number, could you please redundantly email it to me, or phone me up and give it to me? My cell number remains unchanged, and my home number always works.

Thanks, the effort is appreciated.

Awww... :(

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	-10,000,000 damn you suck
your best quality is	you suck (literally)
your worst quality is	youre a bitch!
this is because	lifes a bitch
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

I wonder if the meme author dated a Jen that he hated? Could there exist such a person!? Simon, help me!

Wow... I offended someone before lunch!

D says:
baby paste?
D says:
baby batter?
Me:
Not so much, but figures someone from lava would take it that way :)
D says:
from lava
D says:
thats what I am...a boy from lava
Me:
I know
D says:
im obviously more than that
D says:
like, you arent just a chick from lava
Me:
Cool, I've offended someone before lunch
D says:
fucking bitch takes pride in it?

...and then he logged off before I could reply.

Uhhh... wtf!?!

So, this weekend was a pretty decent one, but I did manage to lose my cell phone. Yay me. It should be worked out by the end of the week, but in the meantime, if you want to get a hold of me, it has to be through my home number or my work cell.

What else? Well, that's for later. For now, stupid niggly little details to look after. *grumble*

Who's surprised to see that this came from Trey Parker and Matt Stone? Nabbed from Hotaction.

Note to self: When killing off a half bottle of wine in addition to the half-Smirnoff you have already drunk, it is not necessary to finish off the Smirnoff "so it won't go to waste."

However, observe the following formulae:

Several *long*, stressful days at work + nap + copious amounts of booze (first time I typed it it had 3 o's) + good food + good conversation/evening out = much more satisfying

Add in a backrub and *maybe* an orgasm or twelve, and I'd be almost willing to work a stressful week every week. For now, I'm going to bed.

Hooray for still being tipsy! (I haven't been like this in too long). I'm fun when I'm tipsy. Too bad all of you are off having your own fun and missing out. This definitely beats sleeping all evening and watching DVDs with the demon beast (sorry Thena). :)

I love being complimented! :)

Him:
haha...you are nuts
Me: pencil + my brain = contentment [job hate] says:
:$
Him:
thats not a bad thing!!!
Me:
I never thought it was :)
Him:
not at all..nuts is picking your ears and then eating it!! Dont laugh I saw a guy on a bus doing just that
Me:
Oh, *gross!* I have *never* heard of anyone doing that
Me:
And I ride the major bus routes
Him:
well I thought that guy was nuts...if we are using that as a measuring stick,...you are very very sane
Him:
all things being relative...
Me:
Wow, does that feel like a back-handed compliment! :)
Me:
"Compared to someone picking their *ear* and eating it... you're not crazy."
Him:
hmm.....only as I can....lol...hahah..I am sorry..perhaps i have stuck not one but both my feet in my mouth
Me:
*grin* Don't worry, I appreciate it. I think. :)

From now on, this is how I plan on doing all my learning.

Y'know what?

Just fuck it all.

Seriously.

I am so sick of this shit.

I'm done with it, I really am.

Okay, I really wish I was.

But for now, I mean it.

Done with it.

I

Okay, so I need to listen to more classical music, it’s been decided. Why? ‘Cause when I listen to classical music, I want to write. Stupid Pavlovian training.

Anyhow, what’s new and exciting? Well, I spent a bunch of money at Price Club with Dad last night. I went there to buy tampons and left with a blender, among other things. I am the master of the impulse purchase, or what? I want to start having smoothies, and they’re healthy and they give me an excuse to buy and eat lots of fruits once they start arriving locally and so on... and yeah. Blender. Whoo!

I also watched Angel last night – the excuse for going over to the house, really. Kind of a dissatisfying episode, in a sense. The writers for Angel are big on the accusatory things (this even drops into Buffy sometimes), and the whole, “You feel bad. Good. You should. I’ll now say some more things to make you feel worse.” *shudder* Not so good. At the same time, it was awesome that they brought in the running-gag with the shrimp world, especially since I’d been talking to my dad about that not five minutes sooner.

I listened to the Once More with Feeling soundtrack on my way to work today, and it made me crave Spike more. Shut up, stop rolling your eyes – I never went through this phase as a teenager, so I’m just a late bloomer with a better idea of what I’m talking about. Crazy, mad, dirty, wrong sex with James Marsters. It’s a goal of mine.

Anyhow, I watched Angel, Dad took me home, and Thena was being her usual beastly self. There’s not much new with her... aside from she’s weird. Yesterday morning, I stripped down for my shower, and I was bent over adjusting the temperature of the water or something when she leapt up onto my back. Now, I was ready to get in the shower, so I warned her of this and straightened up as best as I could before getting in.

Now, typically she sits on the toilet or the back of the toilet to watch me shower, or she’ll get on the edge of the tub between the curtains (if she can make it in, otherwise she just winds up pushing the outer curtain into the tub) and hangs out until I’m out of the shower. When she was younger, she’d get in the tub after I was done or just lick my toes when I stepped out of the tub (now that my heat’s out, I don’t hurry out of the warmth).

But not this time. This time, I got in the shower, moving slowly, anticipating that any second I’d wind up in a world of pain as the kitten dove from my shoulder. She isn’t too keen on the whole water thing, as early baths had proven – she tends to cry pathetically and try to get out of my grasp, pretty standard for cats of all ages. Admittedly she’s slipped into the tub a few times when her leap failed her, but she’s always been protected by the curtain.

Anyhow... slowly walking closer and closer to the water (which doesn’t take long, given that my tub isn’t the largest in the world), and I have a few pounds of furry cat perched on my shoulder, and she’s not moving. I actually walked face-first into the spray and got my hair fairly wet, and of course the cat in the process, before she decided to take off. Even that she didn’t do in a manner painful to me – I could tell by her body language that she was ready to go, so I moved over and bent down close to the edge of the tub and she took off.

At some point she moved to her usual perch on the back of the toilet and washed while I finished my shower. I tried to help her out a bit by drying her off with a hand towel, but she wasn’t too interested (few cats like to be towelled off in my experience). She wasn’t pissed at me, she didn’t seem too concerned about being vaguely soggy in the 15-degree apartment – it was almost like it was a new experience she wanted to try, see why I did it so often and with such regularity. :)

So that was yesterday’s entertainment. Work was pretty dull; there was a major to-do going on, so no one was around (and there’s not been a lot going on anyhow). Today has also been fairly quiet... with any luck I won’t have to stay here until 5 or 6 tonight, but that depends on people getting things done for me. *grumble* Sometimes relying on other people really sucks; this is what years of groupwork have taught me, and the work place just reinforces that.

However, I got my books in the mail today, so I can start planning my trip (or at least doing some research ahead of time) as well as plan my sexual odyssey, as I told Shawn. Ironically enough, I may also be going celibate in the future, so my sexual odyssey may be somewhat stunted. Or it may just consist of my learning all kinds of new and creative ways to get myself off. Who knows?! It’s an adventure. Lesbianism is also a possibility. I, of course, will keep you posted – but without pictures or video, so don’t even think about asking. Yeesh.

Last night I was in a fairly cranky mood, and it didn’t help that various lavalife guys were only concerned with my physical attributes: “Do you have a big butt?” “What are your boobs like?” and so on. I’ve also gotten the “What’s your best physical attribute?” I say eyes. He asks for second best, I say hair. He asks for third best... I know he’s just going to keep going until I say something he wants to actually talk about. *rolls eyes* Frankly, I’ve grown tired of it, and I’m at the point now where I turn the question around on them – “How big’s your dick?” Not that I actually want to know, I’m just tired of being reduced to my body parts.

Hell, I could say that I have perfect tits, a tight stomach, a perky ass, showgirl legs, and it could be true (hahahahha), but if we meet in person and you don’t like the way mine are – if they’re not up to your “exacting” standards, then it doesn’t matter. Not that I’m going to be meeting up with someone who just wants me for my body (or how he hopes it looks), but whatever.

I also had an exchange recently with a guy who wanted to pimp me out (I’ll post that one soon), and with another guy whose opening line was, “Hi, can I see your bs?” I open up his profile (which I do with everyone that messages/emails/sends me a smile), and I shit you not, his profile specifically says, “I don’t respond to people who ask for my backstage within the first line or two” blah blah blah. So I call him on it, quoting his profile back at him – I’m not there to win friends and influence people – and he’s all like, “Well, you don’t live close by, I didn’t think it mattered.” Christ.

Now I want to go on lavalife and be rude to the idiots. There are two guys that I can think of that message me every time they’re online, and one of them I’ve never spoken to. Ever. The other guy, every time he’s on, “Hey, wanna chat?” Dude. If it’s been a few times, a few weeks, and I haven’t replied – drop it. Seriously. Same deal with the guy who keeps asking for my backstage and I keep ignoring him. Urgh.

So yeah, grumpy mood yesterday. Ah well... for every five irritating guys, I talk to a good one (or at least a non-gross one), and that kinda balances out.

What else did I want to write about? Well, over the Easter weekend, my mom fell down the stairs (just one stair at the end – she missed the final step) and sprained her ankle pretty badly, so I had to drive her out to a hair appointment on Wednesday in this backwoods region. In order to amuse myself, I drove up and down the main drag, which didn’t turn up much in terms of entertainments... but I did find a llama farm, so it was kinda cool. I sat for awhile and did some writing, ate dinner at a little café, and otherwise felt bored and sleepy. At least the weather was nice.

Other than that, it’s been a fairly quiet time for me. I’ve watched a decent number of movies recently – the Disney Hercules (which had a great deal of potential, but it just didn’t quite pan out, particularly the music, although “I can go the distance” is nice), which I hadn’t seen since its theatrical release; Mambo Italiano, which was pretty good, and it was nice to see his family come to grips with things and defend him; American Splendour; umm... a whole bunch of others. Not all of them are new to me.

The furnace in my apartment has died again – awhile ago, as my ever-so-explanatory post, “My apartment is cold” has so informed you all. My landlord’s help? “You still have that space heater I brought you?” Urgh. So useless. Have I also mentioned that he cashed my March rent cheque at the end of March (instead of on the 1st, when it’s oh, I don’t know, due?!), thereby causing it to bounce (okay, also my fault) and I hate him more? Twice now, he’s cashed two months’ worth of rent at the same time... it’s like he only does it when he needs the money or something. Aargh. I want to have moved months ago at this point. :P

Okay, now I’m going. More later, probably.

Awesome:

(evildemi) what's your yearbook quote gonna say?
(helveti) "TRAPPED IN A YEARBOOK FACTORY PLEASE SEND HELP"

Eesh. I'm retarded, and I'm going to get hurt, and I know this, and yet, part of me can't really bring myself to care.

Am I infatuated with the idea, or the reality? Who knows? Urgh. If only...

And yet, other parts of my brain keep sparking and throwing new things at me, and then I feel slightly tingly and confused and more stupid and more confused and it's all weird and so on.

I want it to be later, when my trip is happening. I want there to be richness and money and happy and good...

I need to do a proper update, I know. Later, though. For now, I am feeling the slightly giddy and fully retarded.

I hate learning I feel things I didn't know I felt. Or at least, didn't really suspect.

Well, did suspect, but maybe kinda hoped didn't? Or hoped it was different? Or maybe similar?

*sigh*

(Toad) I remember my brother's 21st. It was in a university hall and all I remember was eating a lot of asparagus.
(Toad) And speeches about people with briefcases.
(Chris_A) Toad, I think that was possibly a board meeting.
(Toad) It might've been!
(Chris_A) Did you come out with a slice of cake, or documents detailing the fiscal productivity of the 1998 year-end?
(Toad) This joke is now stale.
(NapkinEater) like the cake
(Chris_A) Like the c-- bugger.
(NuttO) Was the cake stale-- FUCK.
(Chris_A) There are no original quips left in this universe, we must recolonise immediately.

(Tim3WorX) somtimes
(Tim3WorX) when i'm naked
(Tim3WorX) and alone
(j4yj0hn) dont finish that sentence

(@i386) NEXT Year, me, skool. pointelss educational films. susicide
(BenZor) Dude
(BenZor) if you spell like that, it isnt pointless.

(timmo) i wonder if gay people are ever like
(timmo) "oh man that is so straight"
(timmo) or
(timmo) "youre so heterosexual"
(Livewire0) "Quit being such a hetero!"
(Livewire0) with the limp wrst flick, of course

This one is so very very very true:
(Tomalak) Trouble is www.bash.org is like porn - you can waste hours.
(Tomalak) There isn't even the finality of an orgasm to tell you when to stop.

I think I've posted this one, but it still amuses me:
(Crappy) tbe
(Crappy) er
(Crappy) the internet is cool
(Crappy) my triumphant statement somewhat dampened by my inability to type "the"

(Lazzay) I'm 14 ^_^
(nem-x) Yes, Lazzay is FOURTEEN, artt..
* Arttemis kills nem
(Arttemis) I can look at the menu, I just can't order, bitch.
(D) You can't even look at the menu.
(Arttemis) Sure I can.
(Arttemis) As long as no one sees me.
(D) You've got to stand outside the restaurant and smoke a cigarette.
(D) Otherwise you'll be arrested for loitering in a school zone.
(Arttemis) stop abusing my metaphor. It's fragile.

* Inferno has joined #Depressed
(Inferno) fuck i hate thos faggots, all walkin down the street together
(Inferno) and holdin hands an shit
(Inferno) its fucken sick
(Inferno) fuck what i wouldnt give for some head right now
(Inferno) i wonder if my flatmate will oblige :)
(nerfBoy) is she hot?
(Inferno) he and yeah he is alright
(Iverson) WTF?! i thought you were homophobic
(Inferno) whats that?
(Iverson) you hate gays..
(Inferno) yeah i do..
(Iverson) you want ur MALE flatmate to give you head..
(Inferno) yeah and? fags only do anal..
(Iverson) im not touching your issues with a 40 foot pole.

(Bruns) I got used to people calling me 'Miss' or 'Maam' on the phone when doing support
(Bruns) then they apologize like crazy after I tell them my name
(Bruns) "Oh, I'm sorry sir. Its just that..."
(Bruns) "...That I sound like a girl. I know. Thanks for reminding me."

* God (lordalmighty@4061ecdd.yphigh01.heaven.5aa6454b.net.hmsk) has joined #ssboards
* God was kicked by Satan (Satan)
(Satan) No.

Work? Pah!

01. How many sexual partners have you had?
02. How old are you? 23
03. What is the age of the youngest sexual partner? 18 at the time
04. What about the oldest? 30 at the time
05. Favorite sex food? None
06. Best place you have done it? Gah... most entertaining? Various parks, behind an art gallery, his kitchen table (not so fun after awhile)
07. Favorite position? Puppy-style
08. Worst sex you have ever had? There have been too many... but being stirred rather than fucked was rather irritating
09. Best sex? First time he returned from reading week, or standing up in the basement leaning on the couch, biting my arm (then the blanket) to keep quiet
10. One thing sexually you would not do ever? Children, scat play, water sports, animals
11. Girl/guy with the smallest breasts/penis: *snicker*
12. Biggest breasts/penis? *dopey grin*
13. Favorite celeb breasts/package: No idea
14. Favorite porn star? None come to mind
15. Your bra/penis size? 36 B, typically
16. Spit or swallow? Swallow, usually
17. Ideal breast/penis size? About 7 inches long, thick enough that my hand just fits around
18. How many people have you gone down on?
19. Best sexual feature? Probably my boobs
20. Are you in a relationship? Don’t think so
21. How many times do you have sex per week? Depends on my situation
22. Do you like hairy girls/guys? Kinda
23. Ever had unprotected sex? Yes
24. Ever had sex with a stranger? No
25. Like the idea of casual sex? In theory
26. Ever kissed a member of the same sex, and if yes how many? Yep, and two or three
27. Ever had sex with someone of the same sex? Yep
28. What sexual favor do you like doing the most? Kissing someone’s ears/neck, going down on them
29. How about receiving? Having my neck kissed/bit, nipples played with, oral sex/fingering, getting well fucked... okay, most of it
30. Have you ever gotten drunk and ended up getting frisky with someone? For sure, but only with guys I was already dating
31. If so, who was it and what did you do? Bah, it’s happened with a few different people, and anything from just making out to sex
32. What was your shortest sexual session? 2 minutes (“I just used you for an orgasm”)
33. Longest session? Gah... a few hours? Single session? Two hours? No clue.
34. Place you want to have sex? In a tent, on a washing machine, in one of my workplaces, more outdoor locations...
35. Something stupid people do during foreplay? Stroke the same area for extended periods of time, try to hard to do something with my ears, pinch my nipples without asking if I like it
36. First female celebrity you would have sex with? Angelina Jolie
37. First male celebrity you would have sex with? Altogether now – James Marsters! That man looks like he knows dirty, dirty things... yumm...
(38-39?)
40. Ever threw up after going down? Nope
41. Lost your gag reflex? Nope
43. Do you regret anyone? Kinda
(44?)
45. Longest relationship? Three years
46. Ever dumped someone? Yes
47. Feel bad about it? Yes
48. Ever been dumped? Oh, indeed
49. Had sex while you/she was on the rag? Yep
50. Flashed your naughty bits? Just my bum
51. Flashed for money/gifts? Nope
52. Used whips during sex? Nope
53. Best sex song? Lick, by Joi? Anything with the right beat that I can half-tune out...
54. How many people have given you oral sex?
55. How many people have touched your naughty bits?
56. Favorite brand of condom? I don’t have a favourite, but I hate Trojans
57. Ever done 69, and if so with how many different people? Yep
58. Ever faked an orgasm? Nope
59. Ever had an orgasm during sex? Hehehe.... oh yeah... usually more than one
60. How many people have given you an orgasm? From manual, 3; from oral, 2; from sex, 3
61. Taken nude/sexual photos of yourself? Nope
62. Ever had a fuck buddy? Kinda
63. Ever had a threesome or an orgy? Yep
64. How many sexual partners have your sexual partners had? Yeeesh... hell if I know
65. What have you done with someone of the opposite sex? Ooh, what haven’t I done?
66. Have you ever had sex while high or drunk? Yep
67. Worst thing that has happened to you regarding sex? Getting dumped right after it, getting UTIs, various other problems, some of you know about
68. Ever had an STD? Nope

In reponse to today's MSn title, "If life is a cabaret, what's my theme song?", one person suggested the following, and I think pegged me with the combination:

Either "Fools Fall in Love", "Oh, How I Hate to Get Up in the Morning" or "There is that thin line between love and hate."

It's so true.

Yeah, you all know were these came from...

(hepkitten) also i appear to have lost my bf
(hepkitten) :<
(kinzillah) "lost"? does he respond to ping?

(Deviant) Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

(jesdynf) That's odd. There's an option at the bottom of Yahoo's email composition screen -- I can attach -money- to my email, with "PayDirect" or something.
(jesdynf) Wonder if I should attach a $20 to my resume.

(Ken) Massages are pretty healthy for you.
(Ken) It's a form of preventive medicine
(KageGamer) what about the massages that like the little japanese girl walks on your back
(KageGamer) what if she has long nails on her toes
(KageGamer) wouldnt that hurt?
(DannoHung) In mother russia, YOU walk on little Japanese girl!

(evildoer) EXCERRENT
(Kitsa) what are you babbling on about?
(evildoer) EYE BOUGHT A NEW GITARE AND POLICE QUEST + SWAT COLACTIAN
(Kitsa) lol
(Kitsa) ah
(evildoer) IT ES TEHS QUALETY GITIR FOR 5 DOLARS
(Kitsa) flea market?
(evildoer) yas
(Kitsa) what did you barter, your spelling ability?

* |SiN| yawns.
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(DracoDanMP) wow sin, you must have some nasty, nasty breathe
(DracoDanMP) you just blew half the channel away with a yawn

(beau) man, i have so much respect for anyone that designs adult web sites
(GodTheMod) its harder than it looks
(xie) Hahahahaha
(beau) i've been sorting through material for my site, and i can't help but get a hard on, and that means much less blood in my head.. i JUST CANT WORK LIKE THAT!

(g-core) Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long 1, Michael J. Fox has a little one, Madonna doesn't have one and the Pope has one but doesn't use it. What is it.
(pip) last name
(pip) no wait
(pip) penis

(evenpar123|Dean) how much is long distance?
(Slant) evenpar123|Dean: Depends on your carrier.
(evenpar123|Dean) Satan
(Slant) 666 cents a minute.

(n2d2) i didnt put bon jovi in the playlist
(n2d2) oh my god
(chaobacca) 11:36:54
(chaobacca) Bon Jovi - Bad Medicine
(n2d2) my bon jovi mp3s have become self-aware

(CptPlanet) wtf? i can't find any lobster fetish sites out there.
(CptPlanet) and you call yourself an internet.

(_Godless_) what can say to the ex that killed a part of you that you'll never get back ... with out souding bitter?

(Spike) Spam email title: "Did you get your dsjtlkasjt today?"
(Spike) Why no, no I did not.

(tuckt26) MD = farm land, DC = Gangs and concrete, VA = Wine, music, and the finer qualities of life
(Calisa) And what would OH stand for?
(aeonite) When you put KY in your VA you go OH.

(Redbeard) I declared my undying love to someone.
(Redbeard) I told her that my love is like the skeleton turtles in Mario.

This is what happens when I farm out speech requests to my friends:

Shawn says:
Sure! 'Mr. President, Esteemed Members of Congress, I stand before you now a naked man - a very, very naked man. Yes, indeed, a man who has removed all of his clothing. A man who, in the face of adversity, or any form of anxiety for that matter, has a strange and obsessive compulsion to remove his clothing - not entirely dissimilar from the manner in which a monkey would masturbate furiously not because he is sexually aroused, friends - oh no, but because he's merely frustrated or antsy.'

Shawn says:
Are you getting this down?

Me: Is the week over yet? says:
Yep, but the thing is... we don't have a Congress. Or a President

Shawn says:
That's what'll make it all the more touching.

Today I hate everything.

I hate my job.

I hate many of my coworkers.

I hate my landlord.

I hate my apartment.

I hate that I make money but don't know where any of it is.

I hate that I've got all these debts still, despite trying to pay them off.

I hate that I'm stressed about money and work.

I want to be in a new apartment.

*sigh*

I'm slowly de-stressing with musicals. I'm debating between going to the gym and just vegging on the couch before a trashy movie with my kitten. Also, I'm tempted to go see Scooby Doo 2 just on my own, since no one wants to see it with me. :P

Why do people like me? As a friend, as a girlfriend, whatever. What is it about me that says to you, "Hey, I like Jen because..."?

Uh oh... Blogger changed my template on Porn by a Chick, which meant that my comments got eaten. I wonder what'll happen to this page and its template? I guess I should update it soon... :P

New post at Porn by a Chick.

I think this is my favourite lavalife exchange so far (my first ever fuck off):

Him: web cam??
Me: What about it?
Him: Let's go...you got a cam?
Me: Geez dude, ever heard of foreplay? No, I don't have a cam
Him: fo
Me: *rofl*
Me: Awww... sorry Dad. No love for you
Him: mature
Me: I guess you'll never know
Him: would appear so

I'd like to point out two things: 1, he's 42, and my profile says I don't want old guys, so I don't feel bad about being mean, and 2, Thena is currently perched on top of my head, which is wrapped up in a towel turban-style.

The Oral Sex Tip You Should Try Is: A Pierced Tongue

When it comes to oral, you've mastered almost every skill around

Besides digging through untranlated exotic sex manuals, you've got one option left

A pierced tongue is almost sure to drive anyone wild, but when combined with your skills...

Watch out! You'll be so good that if you're not careful, you might not have regular sex again



What Oral Tip Should You Try?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Well then, off I go...

My apartment is cold. :(

Oh, man, people make me laugh...

From Dear Abby:

DEAR ABBY: I am a strict Catholic who does not believe in "kinky" activities. It was my second date with a seemingly conservative gentleman. Everything was going well, so I felt comfortable holding hands with him -- until he proceeded to stick my pointer-finger in his mouth. We had just come from dinner, so he couldn't possibly have been hungry!
What are your thoughts on this situation? -- SHOCKED IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR SHOCKED: It could have been worse. At least he wasn't a thumb-sucker.

Never do anything you're not comfortable doing. There are men out there who will respect you just the way you are. If he's not for you, fix him up with a nail-biter. They'll think they died and went to heaven.


*gasp* Kinky finger-sucking!?!?! For shame!! Won't someone think of the CHILDREN?!?!

And why the hell would a guy who sucks a woman's finger be happy with a nailbiter? WTF kind of crappy-pun logic is that?

The Aphrodisiac You Should Try Is: Honey

Honey is an ancient aphrodisiac... seen in the Kama Sutra and used by Cleopatra

And honey is even the inspiration for the term honeymoon - where newlyweds drank honey wine

Honey can be found as a the first Viagra in practically every civilazation!




Sweet smelling and smooth, honey is perfect for spreading around naked bodies

What you do with it after that is up to you!

It's often said that the sugar and B vitamins from honey gives you energy to keep going all night...




Try mixing your honey with a little nutmeg, a potion designed to heighten orgasm.

Or mix it with ginger like the ancient Indians did for sexual potency

And if you're looking for a kissable bod, try getting some honey lotion or powder



What Aphrodisiac Should You Try?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Hehe... any volunteers to test this out?

You Are Most Like Miranda! While you've had your fair share of romance, men don't come first Guys are a distant third to your friends and career. And this independence *is* attractive to some men, in measured doses. Remember that if you imagine the best outcome, it might just happen. Romantic prediction: Someone from your past is waiting to reconnect... But you'll have to think of him differently, if you want things to work. Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You Most Like? Take This Quiz Right Now! Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Oooh, someone from my past, eh? Hrmm...

And for you pun-lovers:

* Joins: Pronto ()
(MSminion) PRONTO!! YOUR BACK!!!
(Pronto) I brought my front, too.
(MSminion) Whoa! Both of 'em? Wow.
* Pronto bows.
(MSminion) What about your left?
(Pronto) Nope. It got left, right over there.
(MSminion) Right.
(Pronto) No, it left.
(MSminion) No left or right, then?
(Pronto) Damn straight.

And some intelligence to round things off:

(CharoNoMe) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

(thcip) Answering Machine: Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? "Hi, It's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is 'Share the love.'" Beep." "Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling...Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love"

ritilan: and in 2 years u can have your first drink
Halo: Yeah, I cant wait!
Halo: Because I've never had any alcohol before, honest.
ritilan: i belive u
Halo: Then you are gullible
ritilan: yes well there is that too
Halo: Because let me tell ya, I'm a pretty raging alcoholic
ritilan: i find it helps to keep the voices in my head quite
ritilan: at least i think it does
Halo: I sing show tunes to myself in order to keep the voices in check
ritilan: is bad when they all sing along
Halo: Yeah, I just refuse to go along when they try that shit
Halo: Then I yell "DONT MAKE ME TURN THIS CAR AROUND"

(Wedgie) yay! the flickering stopped..
(Wedgie) I fetched a hammer and looked at the monitor really threatening :)

(taglin) ok, so te pretty menu came up and is asking you to add drives?
(suds) yeh
(suds) done that
(taglin) k... whats next?
(suds) weee
(suds) hang on a sec...
(suds) need more rum+coke+spritz of lime
(suds) :)
(taglin) heh
(taglin) i think some of the problems with this crazy install could be alcohol related

Who me, bored? The x's are the ones I haven't done:

(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DRUNK
(_) I NEVER HAVE SMOKED POT
(_) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
(_) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX
(x) I NEVER CRASHED A FRIEND'S CAR
(x) I NEVER BEEN TO JAPAN
(_) I NEVER RODE IN A TAXI
(_) I NEVER HAD ANAL SEX
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN IN LOVE
(_) I NEVER HAD SEX
(_) I NEVER HAVE HAD SEX IN PUBLIC
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DUMPED
(_) I NEVER SHOPLIFTED
(x) I NEVER HAVE BEEN FIRED
(x) I NEVER BEEN IN A FIST FIGHT
(_) I NEVER HAD A THREESOME
(x) I NEVER SNUCK OUT OF MY PARENT'S HOUSE
(_) I NEVER BEEN TIED UP (SEXUALLY)
(x) I NEVER BEEN CAUGHT MASTURBATING
(x) I NEVER PISSED ON MYSELF
(_) I NEVER HAD SEX WITH A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX
(_) I NEVER HAD SEX WITH A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
(x) I NEVER BEEN ARRESTED
(x) I NEVER MADE OUT WITH A STRANGER
(x) I NEVER STOLE SOMETHING FROM MY JOB
(x) I NEVER CELEBRATED NEW YEARS IN TIME SQUARE
(_) I NEVER WENT ON A BLIND DATE
(_) I NEVER LIED TO A FRIEND
(x) I NEVER HAD A CRUSH ON A TEACHER
(x) I NEVER CELEBRATED MARDI-GRAS IN NEW ORLEANS
(x) I NEVER BEEN TO EUROPE
(_) I NEVER SKIPPED SCHOOL
(_) I NEVER SLEPT WITH A CO-WORKER
(x) I NEVER HAVE BEEN FISTED AND/OR HAVE NEVER FISTED ANYONE
(x) I NEVER HAVE THROWN UP IN A BAR
(x) I NEVER HAVE PURPOSELY SET A PART OF MYSELF ON FIRE
(x) I HAVE NEVER WATCHED A JOAN CRAWFORD MOVIE WHILE ON MUSHROOMS
(_) I NEVER TOOK PICTURES OF AND/OR VIDEOTAPED MY SEXUAL ESCAPADES
(x) I HAVE NEVER HAD SEX OR MADE OUT WITH TWO ROOMMATES

Expect another in awhile... but there will also be a real update at some point, I promise.

LAST PERSON WHO...
x. Slept in your bed: D
x. Saw you cry: Urgh. My mom?
x. Made you cry: D
x. Spent the night with:
x. You shared a drink with: New boy
x. You went to the movies with: New boy
x. You went to the mall with: Ben
x. Yelled at you: Eesh. No idea.
x. Sent you an email: R
x. You kissed: New boy

HAVE YOU EVER...
x. Said "I Love You" and meant it: Yes
x. Gotten in a fight with your pet: *grrr*
x. Been to New York: No
x. Florida: No
x. California: No
x. Hawaii: No
x. Mexico: No
x. China: No
x. Canada: Kinda
x. Danced naked: Sure
x. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: Not that I remmeber
x. Wish you were the opposite sex: Sometimes
x. Had an imaginary friend: No

RANDOM
x. Red or blue: Blue
x. Spring or Fall: Spring
x. Are you bored: Yes
x. Last noise you heard: Coworkers talking, assorted office noises
x. Last time you went out of the province: This morning
x. Things you like in a girl/guy: Intelligence, sense of humour, interesting, different, can carry on a conversation, make me laugh, respectful, honest, not an asshole
x. Do you have a crush on someone: Time will tell
x. What book are you reading now: Several
x. Worst feeling in the world: Dread
x. What is the first thing you think when you wake up: I want to be back asleep/here comes the cuddle monster
x. How many rings before you answer: One or two
x. Future daughter's name: Siobhan
x. Future son's name: Timothy
x. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: Sometimes
x. If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be: Writerx. Are you a lefty, righty: Right
x. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys: Yup
x. What's under your bed: A storage bin and whatever toys Thena’s hidden lately
x. Favorite sport to watch: Hockey, I guess
x. Current Age: 23
x. Siblings: Kim, almost 21
x. Location: Work
x. College plans: I did university, baby – and I’m trying to get back in
x. Piercings: Many
x. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Nope

EXTRA STUFF
x. Do you do drugs: Sometimes
x. Do you drink: Sometimes
x. Who is your best friend: I have several really tight friends... no real best one at the moment
x. What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use: Herbal Essences, usually
x. What are you most scared of: Spiders, growing old alone, death
x. What clothes do you sleep in: Anything from t-shirt, tank top and shorts or pants to nekkids
x. Who is the last person who called you: Coworker. At home, my daddy
x. Where do you want to get married: the Maritimes
x. Who do you really hate: No real hate, just some uber-strong dislikes.
x. Favorite number: 9
x. Been in Love: Yes
x. What type automobile do you drive: The awesome bus! Or my mom’s Mazda 323
x. Are you timely or always late: Five minutes behind...stupid ex-boyfriends
x. Do you have a job: I pretend I do
x. Do you like being around people: Sometimes
x. Best feeling in the world: Having that creative light turn on, brain buzzing with ideas and motivation... also sleep and orgasms
x. Are you for world peace: Sure
x. Are you a health freak: Not especially, but I’m liking working out

STUFF
x. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: Only James Marsters
x. Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did: Yes
x. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: Not really
x. Want someone you don't have right now: Not sure
x. Are you lonely right now: Not really
x. Ever afraid you'll never get married: Yes
x. Do you want to get married: Yes
x. Do you want kids: Maybe

FAVORITE
x. Room in house: I only have three. It depends on my mood.
x. Type(s) of music: Most of ‘em.x. Band: Cake, I guess
x. Memory: Urgh. Not sure.
x. Day of the week: Saturday
x. Color: Blue or purple
x. Perfume or cologne: Body Shop Vanilla Body Spray, Pi (for men)
x. Month: July/August

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...
x. Cried: No
x. Bought something: Can of Coke, soon my lunch.
x. Gotten sick: Grumpy stomach, but I’m good
x. Sang: No
x. Said "I Love You": To the demon spawn
x. Wanted to tell someone you loved them: no
x. Met someone new: No
x. Moved on: Uh, from what?
x. Talked to someone: Of course
x. Missed someone: Not sure
x. Hugged someone: Sorta
x. Kissed someone: Yes
x. Fought with your parents: No
x. Dreamt about someone you can't be with: No
x. Had a lot of sleep: No :(

Courtesy of Google translations, an update:

Man, which bores InterNet. Time let go from the past, had gone by all this material and straight maintenance, which move forward. I was and I was not. Time to do it really straight. Thena holds to hide their play goods under my bed. I fit it to take proudly a toilet web on and disappear under my bed with him. If only it would stop to bite me I became this cat death loved. We spent firm two hours yesterday early in a cycle of me it from my area shifting a ' cause, which held them, me on pouncing, yowling and crying, I them back leaving it inside, and pouncing again beginning. I do not worry, about if it my hands or feet am, but I keep really tilted, when it is my face. Did I mention exercised myself the sprayflasche the entire time? It does not function and it. This weekend bit it means beginning, and I had a marking there. Their my nose is several times bitten. It bit also means nipple, everything, because I went back on the computer, bright the one is shower afterwards, having many of my books has small tooth markings on them or drillings in its cover (and mine a confusion of the directory). The sprayflasche has tooth markings completely over it, and at the moment she does her best on my little kinetic flashlights... argh! If it is Teething, their one always takes place. It was on Sunday really badly, at straight competitive and real at means and bitey, and I thought first it am a ' cause, which was not furious it at me for around much its on Saturday, but was possibly it the weather? Animals can be sensitive for things like that. And the thing is, it is bad only if I am head. If I at home am not, I think that she sits philosophy, a ' cause and reads, which I can come home and everything in its place and in no problems..., but if I at home am, her the toilettenpapier away from the role violently tears up, on my things and running chews around. Strange cat * sighs * somehow I have more to the letter, but I have also a job thing for finished too (and a bed for under it cleaning), therefore update I from the work. Hope-fully today you are another calm day -- Friday was dead *, * however I thinks that I wish that again.

What's that? That's an entry translated into German, then back into English. This is fun. :)

Instead of a real update...

(Rance) so... i'm driving to cedar rapids today
(Rance) and i'm feeling a little frisky...
(Rance) so i start cranking one off in the car
(Rance) and it's really kind of funny when you... achieve your objective, and you wind up laying on the horn... and it's blaring for like 1/4 mile
(Rance) so now the next time i hear someone going down the road with their horn going for no reason... i'll know

Mortaneous: Lyme... idiots of that caliber still exist
Mortaneous: I thought Darwinian evolution woulda killed em off the first time they attacked the toaster with a knife for eating their bread

(SpitZ) this sms was sent by a friend of mine
(SpitZ) Sally mr. pls,2wedding
(SpitZ) What's that supposed to mean?
(crazhee) i think it read as "Sally mist'er period. please comma to wedding"

(Raven) spread the word of jesus my brother
(Jonesy) j----e---s----u---s

(bill``) I'm taking the AP calc test tomorrow--does anyone have any last minute tips?
(MSINISTER) dont put metal in a microwave!
(MSINISTER) good luck!

(@Ryu) I remember when I was watching a porn on a tape I received from my friend, and I start wacking off to the lesbians on the TV... Then all of a sudden right when I was about to cum, the tape stopped and it was TeleTubbies on the TV instead. I cummed, and I cried.... i'm not joking.

(flee) fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to
(flee) suffering, suffering leads to ice cream.
(mrg) mmmm, ice cream
(6) ice cream leads to fat, fat leads to jazzercise, jazzercise
(6) leads to SUFFERING
(mrg) yay the cycle of ice cream is complete!

(Ed) P2 Celeron was good though, because it used the same slot as the P3.
(Mime) P3 has two different slots!
(Mime) I had a SNES game style P3, my mate had a flat one.
(Ed) Mime, that's a socket.
(waffle) Mime: you mean a slot and socket
(Mime) Yes, socket and slot.
(waffle) amd really loved the slot
(kawaii_kekekeke) I love that slot.
(Mime) I love your mom's slot
(waffle) your moms a slot

(Czarina) I've always had a hard time picturing hamsters in the wild. I get this mental image of a horde of them devouring a cow or something.

(rjbs) billn: you some kinda jehovah's witness??
(billn) rjbs: I wouldn't say 'witness.' I mean, I clearly saw God hit that guy with his car, but there's no way I'm gonna testify against him.

(Ebony) There is a cat sitting on my foot.
(IDK) You kids and your jive talk.

(RevengePimpy) i found a lifestyles condom in my car
(RevengePimpy) in the back seat
(RevengePimpy) I can't reamber the last time someone rode in the back seat
(RevengePimpy) maybe someone broke into my car to fuck or something
(RevengePimpy) it boggles my mind

New photos of the demon beast are up. I'll explain the pics in more detail later.

To do:

1. Be less retarded.

2. Develop self-esteem.

3. Clean apartment.

Man, sometimes I'm so jealous of funny people:

DEAR ABBY: "Ruth W., Virginia Beach" suggested in her letter that program committees should make rules that would prevent microphone hogs from going on and on.

One story tells of a committee that did this, telling the master of ceremonies to warn speakers that if they went past the allotted time, they would be mowed down with a sharp bang of the gavel.

The warning didn't register with one windbag, and the committee members signaled the emcee to gavel the person off the dais. He took up the gavel, but in his nervous state about performing such a gutsy move, he gave the person sitting next to him a mighty blow on the head. The injured man was heard to say, as he slipped under the table, "Hit me again. I can still hear him talking." -- BERNARD BRUNSTING, STUART, FLA.

Because Huzzah is always a good thing to say:

(zealous) I was walking to the mobil gas station this morning to get my ride to work as I do every morning (weekdays anyway) when I decided that instead of walking the long way around I would just jump the little wall (about 3 feet high) and get there quicker, well when I went to jump the wall I started off with my left foot instead of my right like I usually do and I didn't bring my foot up quick enough thus catching the wall and sending me face first
(zealous) into the ground but somehow I managed to do some wild ninja tuck and roll things ending up on my feet and staring at some guy who was quite bugged eyed so I just raised my arms in a "v" and yelled hazah at the top of my lungs

And another:

(sean) though south keys is disgustingly expensive, it's right beside an O-Train station and has a bulk barn next door
(xmatt) O-Train sounds like some weird sexual innuendo.
(adam) it's all in your head, matt.
(xmatt) "I might take her for a ride on the O-Train. Oooh, oooh! Yeah, you know what I mean."

And I just pre-ordered Buffy season 6. Eat it. :)

Man, the Internet is boring. :P

Time to let go of the past, let go of all that stuff and just keep moving forward. I have been, and I haven't been. Time to really just do it.

Thena keeps hiding her toys under my bed. I watched her proudly take a toilet paper roll and disappear under my bed with it. If only she'd stop biting me, I'd love this cat to death. We spent a solid two hours yesterday morning in a cycle of me moving her out of my room 'cause she kept pouncing me on, her yowling and crying, me letting her back in, and the pouncing beginning again. I don't mind if it's my hands or feet, but I get really upset when it's my face. Did I mention I was wielding the spray bottle the entire time? It works and it doesn't. :P

This weekend she bit my neck, and I have a mark there. She's bitten my nose several times. She also bit my nipple, all because I went back on the computer naked after having a shower. :P Many of my books have little teeth marks on them, or holes in their cover (and my phone book's a mess). The spray bottle has tooth marks all over it, and right now she's doing her best on my little kinetic flashlight... argh! If she's teething, she's been doing it forever. :P

She was really bad on Sunday, just aggressive and mean and really bitey, and I thought at first it's 'cause she was mad at me for not being around a lot on Saturday, but maybe it was the weather? Animals can be sensitive to things like that. And the thing is, she's only bad when I'm home. When I'm not at home, I think she sits and reads philosophy, 'cause I can come home and everything's in its place and no problems... but when I'm at home, she tears the toilet paper off the role, chews on my things and races around. Weird cat. *sigh*

Anyhow, I have more to write, but I also have a job-thing to get ready for (and a bed to scavenge under), so I will update from work. Hopefully today will be another quiet day -- Friday was *dead,* but I think I want that again.

*Awesome.* More New Kids on the playlist.

Oh yeah, and 'cause I'm a jerk, I forgot to mention: My cousin had her baby last night. I'm an aunt once removed. :)

I love killing time at bash.org:
(@Li-Sonder) i'm going to build a castle from the empty soda cans on my desk
(@Li-Sonder) and declare myself king of this desk
(@Li-Sonder) and rule it with an iron fist
(@Li-Sonder) and make all the ants pay taxes
(@Li-Infinite) wow
(@Li-Infinite) you got way too much time on your hand.
(@Li-Sonder) you mean my iron fist.

(Fusion) My cat tried to eat a praying mantis. I told him it was a bad idea.
(Mitsugi) what was his response?
(Fusion) Uh... "meow"
(Mitsugi) figures
(Fusion) Yeah. What a bitch.

(Drewtetz) new internet pickup line! "Girl, you're so hot your file extension should be .fap!"

(n) Join (sam)-(sam@sam.name) has joined #0secadmin
(m0zzie) uhh sam, who are you and who gave you the key?
(sam) i am sam and i didnt need a key :-)
(m0zzie) hmm.. this is a private channel, please fuck off. :)
(n) Mode (m0zzie)-(+b *!*sam@sam.name)
(lynx) m0z, meet sam, the server admin :/
(m0zzie) oh fuck.
(n) Mode (m0zzie)-(-b *!*sam@sam.name)
(m0zzie) me love you long time? :)

(Mr_E) kazaa lite's a little better... I get a good 30 seconds of downloading before it crashes
(Mr_E) regular kazaa crashes on start up
(Mr_E) I need like, kazaa-uber-lite
(Mr_E) if there was such thing
(Mr_E) maybe I'd get a whole file done then
(w|zzy) it is your celery
(Mr_E) excuse me?
(logicalentity) hehe
(logicalentity) NOW THATS TECH SUPPORT

Argh. There were others that I sent to Shawn, but now I can't remember them. Ah well. Have some more:

(Donut(AFK)) HEY EURAKARTE
(Donut(AFK)) INSULT
(Eurakarte) RETORT
(Donut(AFK)) COUNTER-RETORT
(Eurakarte) QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE
(Donut(AFK)) SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
(Eurakarte) NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM
(Donut(AFK)) RIPOSTE
(Donut(AFK)) ADDON RIPOSTE
(Eurakarte) COUNTER-RIPOSTE
(Donut(AFK)) COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE
(Eurakarte) NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON
(Miles_Prower) RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES
(Eurakarte) WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD
(Miles_Prower) ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS

(tatclass) YOU ALL SUCK DICK
(tatclass) er.
(tatclass) hi.
(andy\code) A common typo.
(tatclass) the keys are like right next to each other.

(xterm) The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

(AgentSmith) It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr. Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook at a Jack in the Box in Mesquite....in the other...you go by the chat alias "Randerson"...spreading homosexual propoganda, lying, and being a generally immature pest...
(AgentSmith) One of these...has a future.
(Randerson) LMAO OMFG where's the phone, I have to tell Dean about this
(AgentSmith) How can you use the phone when you cannot...speak?
*** AgentSmith sets mode: +m

(tag) Ouroboros: lets play Pong
(Ouroboros) Ok.
(tag) | .
(Ouroboros) . |
(tag) | .
(Ouroboros) . |
(tag) | .
(Ouroboros) | .
(Ouroboros) Whoops

(Guo_Si) Hey, you know what sucks?
(TheXPhial) vaccuums
(Guo_Si) Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
(TheXPhial) black holes
(Guo_Si) Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
(TheXPhial) lava?

(NES) lol
(NES) I download something from Napster
(NES) And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
(NES) I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
(NES) "getting my song back fucker"

(anamexis) oh man
(anamexis) I was opening a coke, right
--) Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
(anamexis) and it exploded
(anamexis) ALMOST all over my keyboard
(anamexis) but I got it away just in time
(-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
(anamexis) :(

(Night-hen-gayle) I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.

(BombScare) i beat the internet
(BombScare) the end guy is hard

(scirDSL) I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.

(Stormrider) I should bomb something
(Stormrider) ...and it's off the cuff remarks like that that are the reason I don't log chats
(Stormrider) Just in case the FBI ever needs anything on me
(Elzie_Ann) I'm sure they can just get it from someone who DOES log chats.
*** FBI has joined #gamecubecafe
(FBI) We saw it anyway.
*** FBI has quit IRC (Quit: )

Jakefeb3: do you know a turtles only weakness?
AvatarOfSolusek: no
AvatarOfSolusek: well
AvatarOfSolusek: thier slowness
Jakefeb3: there weakness is they cant roll over when they are on their backs
AvatarOfSolusek: lol
Jakefeb3: now i have a plan
Jakefeb3: if i duck tape 2 turtles together they are unstoppable

(DigiGnome) Real life should have a fucking search function, or something.
(DigiGnome) I need my socks.

(Ich) I have passed the transitional stage of internet geekhood
(Ich) I was cashiering at work today, and was punching in the code for plums, which is 4040.
(Ich) and the 0 key doesn't work this well, so I punched it in wrong.
(Ich) and the machine flashed up "Item Not Found: 404"
(Ich) and I actually laughed out loud

(kyourek) There was a 23% drop in temperature.
(nappyjallapy) That's almost 25%!
(kyourek) ... That was one of the most worthless comments I've ever heard.

(Tsk) oiuyniyu98h987h89yh87y98yjn987j987y897yhkiuk;''''
(Tsk) sorry.. there was a spider on my keyboard.

(MortalKombat) stfu mat|t u cu.nt
* Acaila sets mode: +b MortalKombat!*@*
(@Acaila) FINISH HIM
(mat|t) rofl
(MortalKombat) omg wtf man
* MortalKombat was kicked by Acaila (forward, forward, back, back, forward, punch)
(@Acaila) FATALITY!

(MercyBeat) For those of you planning on seeing the third LOTR movie at the theater her are some survival tips.
(MercyBeat) 1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?"
(MercyBeat) 2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" - After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."
(MercyBeat) 3. At some point during the movie, stand up and shout: "I must go! Middle Earth needs me!" and run and try to jump into the screen. After bouncing off, return quietly to your seat.
(MercyBeat) 4. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring."
(MercyBeat) 5. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
(MercyBeat) 6. Ask the nearest ring-nut if he thinks Gandalf went to Hogwarts
(MercyBeat) 7. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."
(MercyBeat) 8. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!"
(MercyBeat) 9. At the end, complain that Gollum was offensive to Ethiopians
(MercyBeat) 10. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.
(MercyBeat) 11. When Shelob appears, pinch the guy in front of you on the back of the neck.
(MercyBeat) 12. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.
(MercyBeat) 13. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"
(MercyBeat) 14. Ask people around you who they think is the next "Terminator" sent from the Middle Earth of the future to assassinate Frodo Baggins
(MercyBeat) 15. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"
(MercyBeat) 16. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
(MercyBeat) 17. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"
(MercyBeat) 18. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.
(MercyBeat) 19. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
(MercyBeat) 20. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.

(Ouroboros) Has anyone ever logged into dev0n's FTP?
(Affe) ouro: that some kind of sexual innuendo?
(xpander) is that a euphemism?
(Ouroboros) Possibly
(Ouroboros) Shhh
(Ouroboros) I try to be subtle about these things.
(Affe) in that case, i 'log into dev0ns ftp' all the time
(Ouroboros) Yeah, she gave me her "login" but she won't reply to my "/msgs"
(Affe) dude i had 'sex' with her in the 'butt' the other day
(Affe) oh wait
(Affe) we're being subtle

(EyesofPrisms) and ou are an uytter newb
(KC48348751) dude
(KC48348751) how did that y move over like 12 characters

(M3rlin-) what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
(p5Ds13a06) you cant buy alcoholics
(p5Ds13a06) but if you wink the right way, some of them will follow you home for free

-(Conroy_Bumpus)- OH FUCK ME
-(Conroy_Bumpus)- I FORGOT TO PICK UP MY 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER FROM SOCCER PRACTICE
-(Conroy_Bumpus)- 9 HOURS AGO
-(Conroy_Bumpus)- HOLY SHIT
-(Conroy_Bumpus)- BYE

(jeebus) the "bishop" came to our church today
(jeebus) he was a fucken impostor
(jeebus) never once moved diagonally

(madthink) what does putting sugar in someones gas tank do
(maff) I heard when you start the engine cinnamon rolls come out
(maff) with frosting and everything
(madthink) i need to get revenge in the worst way
(maff) cinnamon rolls arent really revenge

(Dark_Fox) Kami: if you changed your name to Kame, you would have a much more interesting name :)
(Kami) Dark_Fox: And if you changed yours to Dark_Fax, you'd have a more communicative name. :)
* Dark_Fox is now known as Dark_Fax
(Kami) It'd be... 'telecommunicative.'
* Dark_Fax makes noises and bitches because he's out of paper ant toner *
(Kami) Oh god, that happened at work today.
(Dark_Fax) FEED MEE!!!
(SailorV) Nuuuuuuuu
* Dark_Fax displays wrong time *
* Dark_Fax rings for no reason *
* Kami is now known as VCR-clock
* Dark_Fax gets a paper jam *
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
(Dark_Fax) PAPPPERRRRR
* VCR-clock blinks
(Dark_Fax) TOOOOOONEEERRRR
* VCR-clock blinks
(VCR-clock) :)
* Dark_Fax breaks a bearing and bounces around on the counter *
(Dark_Fax) FEEEED ERROORRR!!!! NEED PAPER!!
* Dark_Fax rings again for no reason *
* VCR-clock blinks some more
* SailorV runs and hides becuz there are weirdo's in here
* Dark_Fax chases SailorV * MY PAPER!!! MY PREEESCIOUUUS!!
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
(SailorV) EEEE!
* SailorV unplugs the VCR
* VCR-clock has quit IRC
* Dark_Fax is now known as Dark_Fox
(Dark_Fox) ok i think ive peaked the humor of that

(Pixistix) I'm going to name my kids Control, Alt, and Delete.
(Pixistix) If they ever get to be a problem I'll just hit them all twice
(Pixistix) Problem solved.

(Ohtani) one day I will kill ever person on earth who says 'u' instead of 'u'
(Ohtani) err
(kaientai) Ohtani: Planning a suicide run?

* veganzombie has joined #uc
(veganzombie) Graaaaaaaiiiiinnssss.....
* veganzombie has quit IRC (Quit: Graaaaaaaiiiiinnssss.....)

(pihlopase) Jesus Saves
(jbroome) pases to moses, SCOOOOORE

(@Exor(B-AFK)) yeah apparently a teacher in britain was arrested. on him they found a pencil, eraser, ruler, protractor and compass. They said he was part of the Al Gebra network, and that he had weapons of math instruction!
(@Exor(B-AFK)) HA HA.
* Exor(B-AFK) shoots self

* Quits: crag-- (crag@202.154.72.136) (Dead girls dont say no)
* Quits: KiM (KiM@134.115.157.196) (going for a walk :p)
(@ShowDowN) that is sick
(@ShowDowN) we should ban him next time he comes in
(@nekro) yeah, who the hell goes for walks

DinjackPD: there was this once, like three years ago, I forgot this big project I had to turn in when I went to school
DinjackPD: so I called home to my dad (he works out of a home office) and asked him to bring it for me
DinjackPD: so he came to school with it and he came up to me and shook my hand and said "Hi there, I'm David, I'm your personal secretary."
DinjackPD: And I said "Hi there, I'm your son, you signed on for this shit when you didn't wear a condom."
DinjackPD: I thought it was funnier than he did

* sunny wanders back in the world of chemistry ... where the H+ atoms have lost their protons and don't know where to find them ...
(@guinea-pig) an ion walks into a bar and says "i think i left an electron here lastnight"
(@guinea-pig) and the bartender says "are you positive?"
(sunny) hahahahaha
(mikegrb) that is awesome
(@guinea-pig) yes, we are geeks

And a moment of stupidity from my life/real content for a change...

So last night Ben and I grabbed a quick dinner before I went to see The Ladykillers (good movie, btw. Tom Hanks is funny and slimy). I was running a bit behind and had one bite left of my panini when my phone rings.

What do I do? In my ever-intelligence, I think, "Oh, I have to grab that!" and simultaneously think, "I have to finish this sandwich quickly 'cause I'm already late!"

So... I cram the stupid sandwich in my mouth and pick up my phone at the same time.

I answer the phone, and about the best I can manage is "Hi." Then, once my stupidity sinks in, I start laughing, still only about to manage, "Hi." I'm questioned on what's so funny, and I explain that I have a mouth full of food. The question, "That's funny?" gets answered with, "I'll explain why when I see you in person."

I swore at Ben at some point, 'cause he said something mean, but after I hung up the phone and explained to Ben, he at least found it funny.

"Ack, my phone is ringing! Must cram food in mouth and answer phone!"

Okay, well, *I* found it funny.