I was working on the search-a-word today, and the theme was plumbing. It included such gems as ballcock, petcock and nipple. I never knew plumbing was so sexual.

It's like I'm 12, I swear.

So today I got to do a bunch of grocery shopping, and I accidentally scammed the grocery store out of a half dozen eggs. Anyone for an omelet?

I also got a bit of unpacking done at the apartment and managed to get some small amount of the defrosting done. My hammer came in handy. :)

I got to play in the hardware store, picking up some assorted tools -- yes, including duct tape -- for my little apartment. Some guy in line ahead of me asked if I had a home project going on, and told me that he was in the midst of one. I was riveted.

Today at work someone called and asked if one of the shows I was running was pretaped, then told me several times that he was just wondering if it was pretaped because he was going to be seeing one of the guests later that night and wanted to know if it was pretaped (I'm not being redundant, I'm quoting; now repeat that several times). I was intrigued.

I also had a guy phone in during the bald men's show to tell me he didn't care much for rock and roll and that he thought the guys were kinda stuck in their youth, but that he felt that rock and roll had some gems, a lot of tolerable stuff, and a lot of junk. I was absorbed by his views.

Today is apparently 'tell Jen more than she needs to know and/or repeat yourself' day. When people call in, they feel the need to tell me their information or question several times; particularly when I tell them we already know or are covering it. That's when they repeat it and tell me why it was they were calling, several times. I swear I should just hang up. :P

I think I just need a respite from this night. Maybe a month off or something. :P :) I know Glorg or Shawn would be *thrilled* to do this shift. ;)

I'm really getting pleased with my apartment. I was able to stash all of my canned and cardboard goods under the sink, so while it might not be the best place for it, it's hidden away and it's less furniture to worry about. I have a great deal of my books out on one bookshelf, and I'll be able to fill another, I'm sure. I just need to get the bedroom sorted out and then I'll be near done.

I have the cable/internet guy showing up Tuesday morning, so I shouldn't be without access for long. :) I'm going to be increasing my cable package to include the upper level channels, and allow me to continue with my addiction to comedy channel and Sex and the City. :)

I'm also looking forward to getting back to the gym again. Now that I'll be downtown it'll be a much faster trek to get there. It's too bad that it seems less likely that my friends won't be going to the same gym, but it also means that they don't have to see me gross and sweaty and flushed.

At the dessert store yesterday with the crew, Jacob and I got chatting about gym habits and such. I feel so special to be part of this new clique. ;)

This lack of sleep and lack of sufficient eating is starting to really wear on me. The last few days I've noticed that I've been cranky a little bit more easily -- when I get really hungry or really tired, I tend to be ... well, cranky. That's why I did some dozing when we were watching Princess Bride last night, although Jacob and Shawn's constant barks of laughter made it tough to really sleep. ;) Inconsiderate bastards. ;)

Ah well... wish I had more exciting things to report, but I'm waiting until the job stuff feels more definite to say. I'm sure I could, but after one offer just up and disappeared on me, I'm feeling a bit more cautious -- although I did verbally accept, and they've announced my arrival at the office, so I guess it is real... bleh. I guess I'm just focusing more on the immediate stuff and getting used to feeling the apartment is mine (and not a place I'm merely house-sitting), that D is gone and that's over, and that the life I've known for the last months/years/decades (2 of 'em) is about to change. A lot.

Meghan was saying on her website that we're basically at the same place the American Pie/Wedding crew's been at -- when they graduated high school, so were we (kinda). When they were in university, so were we. Now it's time for someone to get married.

To be perfectly honest, of my friends who are my age -- 23 or 22 -- there is no one I can imagine getting married and settling down at this point. I can't think of anyone who is in a relationship that's ready for that, or of any people who are ready for that.

I have friends who are older, who have been together longer, and so on, who I can imagine getting married. Some of them have been -- Greg and Madeleine, S and N -- and others are possibly going to follow. They're older, they're more mature, they're ready. As much as I'd love to get married, I know at this age, I'm not ready for it. Give me a few years of grown-upedness (and I guess actually dating one person), and then we'll talk.

See, I want to whine and moan and feel sorry for myself, but ... no one wants to read that. Or at least I know some people here who wouldn't want to read that, based on what it would be about. Or who. So... yeah. Back to packing.

Yeesh. Today was some more moving, some spending money, and some major major major unpacking. It feels nice to have turned my living room/kitchen area into an actual semi-habitable place from storage.

*sighs* I am pretty zonked, though. I set up a bookshelf (and these are big bookshelves), put the legs and cushions on the hide-a-bed, constructed my kitchen table and a chair (Shawn built the other for me, and it's chairific), the CD tower, moved furniture, set up the rugs and my stereo, the television and my microwave... urgh. It doesn't sound like a lot, but if you could see the transformation, it's amazing.

Jacob was an awesome help to me too, setting up my floor lamp and my bed, and moving furniture around. Then there was the great garbage excavation at the end of the night that went ever so well. :)

It's weird having to move furniture about to accomodate my sloping floors. Have I mentioned that this place is the crazy tiny crooked space? It is, and it's my little poop hole for the next year.

Mom and I drove around today trying to get the final pieces. The dresser I really liked from IKEA was sold out -- ass buggers -- so I'm going to see if I can order that and the matching nighttable from the catalogue and have them deliver it. The pieces are *heavy*. On the subject of IKEA -- people are retarded -- I find it somehow interesting that my chairs were more labour-intensive and *annoying* to put together than my awesome swivel dining table. Don't get it, but whatever.

Anyhow, when Mom and I got everything downtown, we drove past my street to see that they'd opened up a new Pit of Despair at the very entrance to the street, totally negating any chance we might have of driving up legally. We took a load in, went to get some food and some book shopping (poor Mom was traumatized by her severely negative experience with Tim Horton's), then went back to the apartment to see that the hole had disappeared and it was possible once more to drive on the street. Who'da thunk it?

I've gotten to speak with D the last few nights -- he's called from his hotel rooms while en route and at his destination. He's been full of tales of what his rez room looks like and what he's done and such. I'm finding that I'm kinda missing the school experience; not that I ever lived in rez or anything, but I did go for a few classes here and there, and I kinda enjoyed the environment, as alone as I was in it.

We'll see what happens with this masters thing. :P

It's a time for clearing things up, and cleaning things up, and getting issues cleared up. If you have a question for me that I haven't answered, try me and I'll do my best to answer it for you.

Turns out my credit card is a little too close to maxed for me to be able to participate in the online course. No matter, it's a busy time for me now, and there's certainly no rush for me to take it. I'm focusing on the Master's thing, anyhow. Kinda.

Today was all about the packing and the moving. I was lucky enough to have two friends pitch in -- one for the majority of the move, the other to help off-load the pull-out couch at the other end -- to help me move the big, bulky pieces downtown. This is the stuff that can't be crammed into the back of my mom's car... or that she won't let me cram in. :) I also had some help this evening when I moved in some more boxes -- a friend of one of my neighbours pitched in to help me move them in. And here I was, looking close to my worst, too. :)

There's now a definite gap in the area of my bedroom at the house. I've moved my bed downtown, so there's just a computer and dresser and a bookshelf in here... the room is starting to open up. And it's being driven home to me just how small the space I've been living in for the majority of my life really is.

At one point, I happened to glance in my room while Shadow was in there, and she gave me a look as if to say, "What the hell is going on in here?" Mom says the two of them are acting kinda weird, like they know something's up -- kinda hard not to, what with all the changing around going. It doesn't help that Dad and Kim have left, so there's just Mom and I disturbing the peace for them. I'm gonna miss the little monsters when I'm gone.

I'm going to be spending tomorrow picking up some final pieces of furniture and starting to unpack everything and set it up. Shawn has volunteered (i.e., been enlisted) to help me on that front, and so it should be fun. I won't mind as much doing dishes and ironing if I have someone there to entertain me.

Anyhow, I want to do some reading before I hit the sack. I get to occupy Kim's bed until I'm fully moved in -- wouldn't she be thrilled to hear that one? :)

For anyone who wants to know my new address, feel free to email me. I'll be keeping my cell as my primary phone number (although I'm seriously considering getting a landline as well), so that's the easiest way to get in touch with me. I'm getting cable and internet set up on the 2nd, so hopefully I won't be without my internet fix for too long. :)

Packing me-style is funny.

I've hauled out my luggage to pack up clothing, and my little overnight bag just got filled with all of my lingerie/toys that I wouldn't want my folks to have to see me pack. Then, since there was space in the side zipper, I packed up my puzzle books.

I've got a very... interesting... weekend ahead. ;)

Well, today's purchases included a new teddy (red) and a new wallet. It's a grown-up wallet! I'm so proud. :)

I spent a few hours with my girlfriend D, following her around while she tried on clothes I couldn't get my arm into and asked if they were tight enough. *shakes head* She's a sweetie, but sometimes being with her makes me feel about ten feet wide. :P

I just realized that the undeads in Warcraft III are kinda half stolen from Starcraft. My brain is on drugs and it hasn't shared them with the rest of me.

A few quotes from the Shawn and Glorg portion of the evening:

"The Pope called. He wants his sins back!" and something to the effect of "Yeah, and Jesus is Moses to you" or something. Shawn sucks, 'cause he can't remember what it was, but it sure as hell made me giggle.

Actually, I think the funniest part of the evening had to do with the fact that there was two guys and a girl sitting on the couch, and it was one of the guys that got violated -- by the other one. There was no girl action involved, which leads to my theory that Shawn only wants to date me for my manly qualities and he's really into guys, as Glorg likes to claim.

The world suddenly makes sense.

I showed (girl) D some pictures of (boy) D this afternoon, and after she finished having me flip through them several times, she asked me to teach her what it was that I knew. This, coming from the girl whose body I seriously envy at times. And who never seems to lack for guys, particularly hot ones. Irony at its best.

And at Glorg's place, there was much looking at gay porn. I realized that reading/looking at gay porn is a bad idea when you've taken a vow of celibacy. Of course, I didn't take a vow of anti-masturbation, but still. *mutter*

Then there was the portion of the evening where Glorg alternately tried to convince Shawn and I to have sex, and/or have sex in front of him, and we (i.e., I) had to try to explain why it was that Shawn and I weren't already having sex. Minor things like the guy that I was dating for the last few months just left this morning for school, you know how it goes.

Apparently my saying that I want to be single for awhile is both humorous and impossible for some to believe, including (boy) D. As I explained to Shawn, I want to have some time being single, and not just the kind of single where I date two guys at once and pretend that I'm still some form of single because I don't happen to call either of them my boyfriend. I'm going to have a lot of big changes going on in my life over the next while, and I want to be able to focus on them and myself. Get to know myself sans male companionship and all that. It's doable.

No, really. Shut up, it is.

I've been pretty lucky in the last string of relationships that I've had, and while part of me doesn't want to be alone, the other part of me wants to stop having "for now" relationships and start looking for the good guys out there. Of course, I've had longterm relationships with assholes, so it's not as if avoiding the "right now" guys is going to make things automatically better for me, but I do want to start dating people that I can see myself with for awhile, as scary as that might be to myself or them.

There we go, just started on my way to doing a Creative Writing course online -- there are a few components, and now I'm doing one of them. Woot for me.

Anyhow, time for me to go play some Warcraft III and go to bed way too late, then wake up early and not be able to get back to sleep. It's a good life, I tells ya.

Late night conversations rock:

Me: I'm giving you the same kind of advice that I'd give anyone who was asking me TOTALLY VAGUE questions. ;)
Friend: *laugh* Well what do you want? :) Angles and measurements? :)
If my penis is leaving New York at 3am travelling at a speed of 300knots, and her Vagina is in San Diego but won't be wet until 6:30....

I got together with D, Jacob, Gord and Shawn Tuesday night (I guess that could be last night, seeing as how I'm up still on Wednesday writing this). We had some food and hanging out time at the restaurant we always hit (a mock English restaurant/bar), and ... I dunno. Everyone seemed out of sorts. When D and I showed up, Gord was on an Internet connection nearby, and without turning around, berated us for not commenting on his work clothes. Later, in the restaurant, when I filched a fry from Shawn's plate, he poured ketchup all over my hand. The conversation never seemed to flow or go as smoothly as it usually does -- it seemed as if more often than not when I started a story, someone talked over me or listened for the first part and then began their own completely unrelated story while I was still talking. It definitely left me feeling weird and not as jazzed as I usually would've been.

Today was pretty much a wash as far as getting anything progressive done. I slugged around the house for the better part of the morning, then got together with D a few hours before dinner. We went to WalMart and I finally picked up seasons 3 of Buffy and 1 of Angel, leaving me with just season 2 of Buffy to collect, for those of you playing our home game, as well as a Muppets CD that I happened to see (and don't own).

From there, we went to D's place and I watched him pack, thinking of how history seems to repeat itself -- for several years I watched every fall as the ex- packed up his things and drove to Toronto. Now I'm doing the same but different with D -- they're different people, different cities, and D and I aren't staying together when he goes... which means that for those of you keeping track at home, I have gone from 2 boys to no boys. S'okay, I'm going to be busy enough this fall as it is. But details on that come later.

Anyhow, I was feeling pretty melancholy today as I watched this, partly because I'm going to miss D when he's gone, but also because watching yet another person that I care about leave me behind just made me feel as if I haven't gotten anywhere in my life. I mean, here I am, 23 years old, and I'm only now moving out. I'm still working two part-time jobs (kinda three, if you want to be technical), and I have a degree. Whoop-de-shit, right? What do I have to show for my age and accomplishments? A mountain of debt, a dirty room, and a tiny apartment that'll shortly be mine, water damage in the ceiling and all.

Aside from when I was born, I've never lived in another city, I've barely travelled, I work retail and a dead-end job, and I have a string of failed or ended relationships behind me. *sigh* Sorry, just feeling rather mopey right now.

It's weird... I've had a few friends over the last year or two comment on how locked-down I keep my emotions. I didn't realize that I wasn't expressing them that much -- it always seemed as if anytime I did, I had someone desperately trying to reassure me or convince me that what I was feeling wasn't rational, wasn't right, or wasn't... whatever. Either that, or they were completely ignored and/or brushed aside -- hell, look through the archives on here to a day in January/February when I had a complete meltdown about one of my classes. Or read during the J breakup, or the ex- mess... I figure I'm usually an emotional wreck.

I don't know. My family's never been much of one for showing or dealing with emotions. Granted, when there's been major shit going down, then we kinda band together as a family, but for the most part... nah, that's not necessarily fair. My folks have been pretty good for me when I've had stuff going on, but we don't usually discuss it very openly -- it's just that if someone catches you crying, they either ignore it or ask about it. When the ex- and I broke up the first time around, my dad gave me a big hug and was a little extra-nice for me for awhile.

It's been awhile since I really cried about anything in particular. There was the situation with Mike, and that still has the ability to get me worked up, but before that... it'd been awhile.

I tend to act really stupid when my emotions are involved. Hell, look at the way I've been dealing with this 'breakup' with D -- my way of 'coping' with it has been to bug him about how he's going to be dating and getting action long before me... partly because I guess I want to hear him say that he's not going to get involved with anyone. I know that's not the case, and it may not even be the case for me (although I don't see that changing for awhile), but part of me still wants to hear it.

Of course, that's the kind of thing the ex- would say (not exactly, but similar situations) and he kinda led me along for quite some time and it was pretty painfully awful, so in the long run, I know this is best. Which doesn't make it suck less, but there it is.

*laugh* And according to Jay, I'll be hooked up before I get my jammies on tonight. That's a direct quote, my friends. :)

Ah well... I want to address the other boys situation, but I'm not sure the best way to discuss it, and I'm not sure that one of those boys would like to have it brought up, considering it's not been something that he discusses publicly.

Finally, I have both good and bad news. The good news is the Pit of Despair is no longer directly in front of my future abode, which will make moving in much simpler. The bad news is, I no longer have my very own Pit of Despair. This causes me grief and anguish, and some happiness, as well. :) That all said and done, who wants to help me move? ;)

Can it just be October already and I can have so much accomplished?

Urgh. I was up early this morning because of the gym appointment that I had. My muscles got exercised into soreness, but it's a good soreness -- of course, I say that now. I'll likely be whining later.

If anyone wants to sign up for Goodlife use my name -- then the love gets shared, okay? If you want a personal trainer, go with Kim. Yay, Kim!

I saw Chicago today with D. Great fun movie -- highly recommended by me. I liked a lot of the ways that they integrated the action and the singing, which only makes sense if you see the movie.

I also caught Bowling for Columbine tonight -- my second viewing -- with a few friends. We had some nice discussion afterwards and roundly agreed that Canadians rule. ;)

This week I have off, and it's my intention to spend mucho time with D, packing, and hanging out with whomever I can while I have the time. If anyone desperately feels the need to help me move and/or unpack, please contact me. :)

Tomorrow I'm going to have to spend going through some of my stuff and deciding what gets to stay and what gets to go -- and by stay and go I mean "move with me" and "get thrown out/sold." This should be a *fun* undertaking! Maybe I'll finally get rid of the 2002 calendar I have hanging on my corkboard...

There are still things I need to buy for the new apartment, and as much as I wish it were so, seasons of Buffy don't really qualify. It's more the things like a dresser, a mirror, shelving arrangements and cabinets and so on. I wish I could just magically have everything downtown already and work from there. :P

I hope the fish like the new place. Hopefully I can get them someplace where they might get a bit more light, although my place isn't much of one for the natural light arrangement. So many problems I only learned about later, when I looked at it through my parents' eyes. Ah well; I can tough it out for at least a year.

I wish I could make things all better for some people; some of my friends seem to be going through funks, selfish periods, unfortunate circumstances, and so forth -- it'd be great to just make things work for everyone. And me too. ;) It's going to be a whole lot of everything come September, that's for sure.

Okay, these images are getting posted in their full goodness, simply because I'm too lazy and it's too early to try to figure out how to thumbnail them, and you have to see them in their full goodness in order to appreciate the mastery that went into this work.

First, the full-length version of the canvas:



How wonderful is that? Oh, you can't see the details? Well then, feast your eyes on:



That's right, ladies and gentlemen, that was all done in the space of a half-hour or so, and it was funny. There appears to be a bit of a tradition starting, and that's that Shawn gets drawn on when the three of us (myself, Glorg and Shawn) hang out. Glorg likes to carve into Shawn's flesh with a pen; I prefer a more gentle, thorough approach.

However, that wasn't all from that evening. We determined that Shawn didn't look enough like a cheap whore, so we decided to tart him up a bit. Just a bit, you understand:



Don't his full, sensuous lips look simply divine with that shade of red? Oh yes, yes indeed.

Another update to Bibliophilage.

*grin* People are funny. I've gotten several "happy birfdays" and some of my friends have posted on their blogs regarding my "birfday" celebration. I call Gord any assortment of weird names, and people pick up on them and use them. I'm a trend-setter!

Anyhow, I want to thank everyone who called, emailed, or left notes on here or their own blogs wishing me a happy birthday. It really means a lot to me to have them do that, and that's just fantastic. Warm and fuzzy feelings all around. :)

But before I discuss that, there are other exciting events in the world of Jen. Friday night was D's going-away party. I worked at the bookstore for 8.5 hours, then headed over to my other job to learn that the computer I use was having barf fits and was thoroughly unstable. Of course, I only learned this after I tried to upload things (and got a few done); so I had to copy everything over to CD and try another computer. That took me awhile. :P

Once I finished that, I met up with D and the others at the bookstore, about 10 minutes before close. We headed over to the house where the party was being held, and started meeting and drinking. I impressed a couple guys with my ability to take a straight shot of Goldschlager without flinching, wincing or crying (which is what some of them were doing, minus the crying), one of whom, after giving me a high-five, stated, "You must be dating D."

I had a drink and shared some pot with a few people, then got pretty tired and relaxed pretty quickly. D dragged me out for a walk so that I wouldn't go to sleep right away, and had to pester me to open my eyes. :) I kept finding my way onto the roof, where a number of people were sitting early in the evening, and was somewhat tempted to fall asleep there -- although I was still very much sober enough to know that that would be a terrible idea.

Various people stole all of the sleeping areas, including the reserved guest room that D and I were to occupy, so I wound up stretching out on some pillows on the floor and catching a few hours. I woke up when D was about to join me, at which point one host was setting an alarm clock for two hours later and the other host was playing music rather loudly. I suggested to D that we simply head over to my apartment -- the accomodations would be the same (i.e., sleeping on the floor), but that at least it would be quiet and there would be a lack of alarm clock. We did so and caught a few hours there.

Before I forget, I should mention that the cops showed up at the party (apparently twice, though no one talked to them the first time), and one of my coworkers went out to the bushes to throw up and wound up passing out out there. Cute, eh? :)

So Saturday D drove me home, I changed into some new clothes and then went out to Canadian Tire and WalMart with my mom. We got some more home furnishings, including a microwave stand, and I relaxed on the couch for a bit with Shadow snoring into my thigh. Got myself ready and headed over to D's place for presents (yay!) and heading downtown to meet everyone.

My dinnerlicious extravaganzapalooza went well. All told, there was Will, Gord, Shawn, Matt, Stefan and his girlfriend Heather, Jake, my girlfriend E, D, and myself. I just wanted to hyperlink everyone I could to show just how geeky my friends and I are. :)

Anyhow, there were others who were invited and either didn't get the invite until too late (like Heather), who couldn't make it (like Mark and Lucas), who thought about tagging along and changed their minds (like Jordan), or who didn't reply whatsoever. As tempting as it is to name those people and point grumpy fingers, I won't. I simply shake my fist in their general direction. *shakes fist*

So, we had some dinner and we had some walking, and then we kinda split up. No one was terribly interested in going on my crazy expedition to the male strip club (or even the female one, surprisingly enough), and we were all kinda tired. I know I was pretty zonked from not getting enough sleep the night before -- my hips don't deal well with sleeping on the floor, it seems.

I got to bed around 2 that morning or so, and slept fairly straight through the night. Today I finally got to do my massive book purchasing at the bookstore, and picked up a bunch of classic novels, books I've been meaning to own, or books I've been meaning to read. It feels nice to consume. :P :)

D and I dropped my books off in the car and headed into the gym. I'd been planning to do just cardio, but that was boring and D showed me some ab exercises, so I wound up doing a round of lower-body working out as well. Tomorrow I'll have to warn my trainer that I did strength training today, so that might screw up her plans for me. :)

I have a love-hate relationship with the gym. I don't like being sweaty, but I don't seem to mind the after-muscle soreness, and it's good for me to do. The cardio sets are sweaty and mind-numbing, but I'll start keeping a book or magazine with me more often and that might help. I've done rounds on our bike at home with a book, and it's not easy to do, but some people manage it -- I saw a girl at the gym today with a book. :)

I was disappointed the treadmills were shut off today, though. Last time I went I managed to do some jogging, and I thought I might get some of that done today, but no luck. Ah well. I can already tell that my abs are going to be sore tomorrow, so I know I did something. :P :)

And that's about it. :) Congrats go out to Gord/Glord/Glorg for his job and Jacob for his as well. Congrats also to them for their rad new place, although there's no way it can be as hot and fantastic as mine -- after all, mine is tiny, has me, and is downtown. Rockage all around, and an open invite to anyone who wants to hang out and entertain me, 'cause otherwise I'll be sad and bored. :)

Well, today was crazy errand day. I actually got most of 'em done; I didn't get to the gym, and I didn't get to Chapters, but that's about it. Well, I didn't get to give Jordan his tapes, but by the time I dropped everyone off from the movie (I really got start charging for gas, or not driving everywhere -- Shawn was shocked to hear that I wouldn't have the car in two weeks' time, when I move out) the weather had gone all spastic and I didn't want to be out in it, even to the point of not buying gas.

Anyhow, made two trips out to Shawn's store, drove downtown twice, drove out to get my boxes from storage, got to IKEA and bought a bunch of stuff there... poor little car's been run ragged. I got the happiest kitchen table though, so that makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I also got a neat floor/reading lamp that I like, and I'm looking forward to decorating this tiny new place of mine. :)

Ever get the feeling sometimes that people start up conversations with you just so that they can tell you what's exciting in their lives? Like, they can't find anyone else online to revel in the wondrousness that is them, so they start up a conversation with you, tell you their news, then head off? I don't know, hard to describe, but it's kinda annoying behaviour to me.

D was a great help to me today, with all the running around and moving. He got kinda bored towards the end of the IKEA trip, but it's understandable; I don't know how thrilling I'd find it shopping for things to stock someone else's place, myself. The last few days have seen a real shift in our relationship, and it's one that I wish I could explore more fully, were it not for circumstances being completely against us. It's entirely possible that a relationship between us would fizzle out and die, but it's kinda frustrating not getting to find out one way or the other first-hand.

He said the other day that he fully believed that Shawn and I would start dating when he left for school. If I'm not mistaken, Shawn kinda felt the same way himself. :) It's somewhat understandable; we've been hanging out a lot lately and there's some attraction on both our parts, but at the same time (and how many people have heard me say this how many times?), I'd kinda like to be just plain ol' single for awhile. And not the version of single that sees me seeing two different people relatively seriously; I'm either going to be just very casually dating people or simply not dating at all. I've got a lot of major changes coming up in my life and I'd like to focus on them and myself. Having a boy (man?) in one's life simply complicates all of that.

Not to mention, my emotions need some shoring up. I've been through a wringer in the last little year, what with the coworker/J/Mark/E/D situation. Admittedly, that does entirely span a year, but there was still a decent amount of strife, trials and tribulations in there. I don't like to make my life easy.

Saturday is my birthday-licious extravaganza of fun, and I still don't know what I'm doing. Hell, I still don't even know who all's coming -- Mark and Lucas have said they can't make it, and Shawn, Glorg and D have said they will (as well as Jacob). Beyond that, I don't know what's going on. I'm not sure if it's depressing or not that an impromptu dinner thing gets some 15-odd people out, but a birthday celebration doesn't get any response at all. I'd hate to think that the dinner was so awful that people don't want to go out for my birthday, but I couldn't entirely blame them; the social circles didn't completely mesh... with one person in particular bringing some of the evening down, for certain. But we won't talk about that anymore.

I'm starting to feel the loneliness sinking in. Glorg, Shawn, Jacob, D and I saw American Wedding today; the second time for D and I. There was a lady sitting in the theatre with us who gave Glord performance anxiety -- he's normally a really loud laugher and because of this woman's huge laugh, he couldn't bring himself to compete. Now *that's* a gift -- and she's the same woman who basically shushed us when Shawn's phone rang and we made fun of a preview (all of this was during the previews). Meh.

Anyhow, loneliness. Seeing a movie about a wedding and seeing my friends all pairing up and being paired up for years and being the girl who just keeps dating and never seeming to find that one... it's sad sometimes. I mean, I do enjoy having some 'experience' behind me -- in terms of dating and relationships, not just sex -- but it's also difficult. It makes me wonder sometimes what's wrong with me that I haven't found myself that 'special someone' and others have. My five-year plan includes, ideally, being married. I'd always thought I'd be married by the time I turned 25 or so; I want to be young enough to have kids (if I have them) and still enjoy them, but also have a few years with my husband. It's just finding the guy who wants to stay around long enough to be the husband (and the one that I can see in that position) seems to be a bit of a sticking point.

Ah well. I don't fixate on being married near as much as it seems; I know that I don't need a boyfriend/husband to be happy and secure with myself. It's just really nice to have someone there to hold your hand, kiss you and tell you they love you, not to mention support you and hold you at night and all that other stuff.

I've just been boiling over with things I want to write, but I don't have anything new to say, really.

I have a bruise on my upper arm and it's kinda D's fault, but mainly mine.

I've added comments to Bibliophilage, which I thought I'd done ages ago. Of course, every commenting system that I seem to access is either not taking new applicants or is down, so I've had to strip out some code from one site and post it into that one, but I think it's worked.

We'd chosen Our Man in Havana for our first book group discussion, but it can't be purchased at any of the main bookstores in the city, and I'm not sure how eager I am to go combing through used bookstores to try to find it. I just don't have the time right now, unfortunately.

I've been trying to think of other books that might be suitable that I'd like to read and discuss, and nothing much is coming to mind. Anyone have any suggestions? Anyone out there still read this page? :)

Okay, emails have been sent out regarding my super-happy-fun birfday plans (3 days!). If you didn't get it and feel you ought to have, then let me know and I'll put your question to the board for its decision. At this point there aren't really plans, per se, more like ideas for plans that haven't been even close to solidified. :)

I've also sent out an email about seeing Bowling for Columbine Monday night. I've seen it before, but I'd like to see it again, and I (theoretically) have the week off, so it'd be a good time to do so. :)

Last night's staff meeting went relatively well. They're doing some minor reorganizing of the hierarchy and payscale, and poor D was going bugnuts with all of the acronyms being tossed around. We were sitting at the back of the group and couldn't really hear the presentation too well -- both speakers didn't understand how to project their voice, and one guy was rather prone to practically mumbling. Frustrating. I asked a few questions to try to get some things figured out, and with all of the acronyms being tossed around during the explanation, D was flipping out next to me and making just enough noise that I couldn't really hear what they were explaining. Ah well; with any luck it won't really affect me.

After the meeting was over, we headed over to D's place and hung out for awhile, before I came back here and wrote for the WB. I should probably reread what I wrote to ensure that it's coherent, but at the same time, I'm not overly concerned. :)

Today is yet another day of double shifts, then tomorrow is errandy fun. I have two doctor's appointments (at 10:30 a.m. and 7:00 p.m.), boxes to empty out of my storage locker and move downtown, and probably some book shopping and IKEA shopping to accomplish. It should be a nice, full day. :P

New content up a Whore's Boudoir. Finally!

Waiting for things is ass. I find myself wanting to write a lot lately, so I'm going to spend my time updating Bibliophilage because I read a lot and it seems like a good place to spew my brain.

Of course, I also need to write an article for Whore's Boudoir. Crap.

*runs off to write*

Oh yeah, and just for Shawn: 4 more days until my birfday.

Work yesterday was crazy long and busy. Urgh. I got called in early, so I was all exhausted and hadn't gotten near as much sleep as I'd've liked, and we were down one cashier, so that didn't help. I did 251 transactions, over 7k in gross sales, and sold 8 cards, which made my percent a whopping 1.8. Any other day, 8 cards would've been great, but whatever. It was mostly renewals, anyhow.

So that was that. After the second job, I met my folks at the apartment and they took some measurements for curtains and criticized it. I think my dad was somewhat disappointed in it; my mom seemed kinda okay. Either that, or she just didn't want to be critical in front of me. :) No matter -- I've seen a lot of places downtown, and uneven floors aren't really that big of a deal. At least my toilet works and everything else seems to be fairly sturdy. The front door is hard to close, but I'm hoping that when the weather cools that won't be as big of a deal. Once I get my crap moved in and decorate it to reflect that I live there, I think it'll be okay -- and anyhow, I can pretty much tough out anything for year. So long as friends drop by and keep me entertained, I'll be happy. :)

After that, drove over to Shawn's and I got to do some quick shopping at his store. There are some minor issues with one or two of the purchases, but nothing major; I have some ideas to do some modifications that might make it all work out okay. Got back to Shawn's and mucked about on the computer for a bit, before playing some StarCraft with Gord, who kindly handed my ass to me. I amused myself by flying my buildings around and hiding them in the midst of his base. :) It's been years since I've played.

Then it was home and bed and waking up to my phone at 3:30 but ignoring it because Digger was snuggling me and I didn't have the energy to go and answer it. Sorry D. ;)

Today is me working both jobs, although the shift at the bookstore is only 2 hours long -- got a staff meeting at the end of it. Hehe. :)

I also have to make some time in this week for some sorting through of my stuff, some major book shopping, as well as picking up the book that has been chosen for our book club, and back to IKEA for some other household thingys. Thursday is my day off, so I might get a bunch of this stuff done then, we'll see. Anyone want to join me? :)

Updated unCultured.

I am so tired. D dropped by my work for a bit yesterday, then Shawn and Glord dropped by to show me some love. I whined at them until they stayed my shift out, then drove them home when it was all over.

Shawn and I hung out at his place and chatted, and part of our conversation made me think of the misconceptions that people have. I was thinking the other day that there's a very good chance that some of my friends probably think that Markuk and I slept together (we didn't). My parents (I think) think that Ben and I were involved (we weren't). Apparently Shawn's ex- thinks that he and I have slept together, or are going to; this was very much news to me.

It's frustrating when people assume things about your life and personal life and don't bother to find out otherwise. It would be like me assuming that Glord and Shawn sleep together just because they hang out a lot; it doesn't really work that way.

Hrm. Gotta run; meeting my folks over at the new apartment so they can measure and critique. I'll write more later, when I'm awake and not cross.

Well, they closed the bookstore on Friday, due to lack of power. That made me happy. I got to go home and have some dinner with my folks and D, and then we went over to hang out with Glord, Shawn and Jacob. We walked over to the Dairy Queen to get blizzards and milk shakes, then walked back so that D could leave.

On the way back, we stopped by a convenience store and wound up buying a copy of the Weekly World News, which has to be some of the funniest shit I've read in awhile. Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction have been found, you'll be pleased to know, and they're dinosaurs. Not just dinosaurs, but velociraptors.

When we got back to Shawn's place, Glord and Jacob started playing on the computers and I did one of the giant crossword puzzles. They're not very difficult, just big, and as Glord put it, written for momotards. Best made up word ever. :)

I started to take off just before 1, and wound up upstairs and then sitting outside talking to Shawn for quite some time. We covered relationships and sex and us, and plenty of other things I can't even remember. It was great conversation, and I got eaten alive by mosquitos; primarily on my feet, but also some nice unattractive ones on my hip and back.

Stayed up way too late, especially after Glord and Jacob came out to join us. I drew on Shawn some more (this time with lipstick), and Glord did some funny things with his underwear that made me laugh really hard. d

Saturday I worked at the bookstore for a few hours, then got to my new apartment to pick up my keys and lock the place up. Once that was accomplished, I met up with N and S and we headed out to the wilds of Quebec for S's birthday event. There was barbecue and talking and fun. I started teasing J (yes, ex-boyfriend J) and he was teasing me back, including disassembling my phone and mocking me for having written apt (short for apartment, to remind myself to go after work) on my hand.

Another J showed up and I wandered over to the Subway with him to catch up and chat. Once we got back, there was more hanging out until we decided to go attend a park (rather than see the movie as originally sorta planned). We played on the structures and bound R with S's trick belt to a fireman's pole encased in rings of metal, balanced on and did chin-ups on the monkey bars, and did our damndest to make one another sick on the big teeter-totter. It was kinda funny; every time I separated myself from the group to be alone for a few minutes, someone would come over and sit with me, strike up a conversation or push me on a swing -- or sit on the one beside it.

I realized that the last time I hung out with any of the group en masse was for Greg and Madeleine's wedding -- that was the end of May. It's been a long time. As always, it was a good time/sad time hanging out with them. Greg started asking people about their five-year plans at one point, and it made me somewhat sad to hear or think of how within five years, most of the group will be with children and/or married... and here I am, still single (more or less) and... yeah. What I keep trying to remember though is that these guys are 25, 26, 27, that range; me, I'm going to be 23 on Saturday. I'm just starting out, and there's no reason I'm supposed to be there yet -- although sometimes I do wish I was with the guy I was going to marry. It'd just be nice to have that reassurance.

Last night I gathered D, Shawn and Glord over at Shawn's place and we played Taboo and cards by candlelight. Cards was fun, except when D hit me -- he was upset that I had usurped him during Asshole and became vice president while he became vice ass. Competitive people suck. :P

We laughed a lot and chatted, and got to use terrible and fun clues for Taboo; some of them were easy, like "I have one of these on my ankle" (tattoo) and others were more specific to the person who was our partner -- "You've been told to eat more of these, they're full of protein" (eggs). Others were just awful and can't be repeated here, but they were funny.

What was especially funny was getting one particular clue that Shawn was trying to explain to Glord and he started out by talking about how it was a slang term for female parts (this was a conversation we'd had the last time I was over), and Glord started listing things like "gash" and "slit" and whatnot; we tended to forget sometimes in our effort to be funny that there was no way these things would appear on a card. The answer, btw, was beaver.

So the evening was pretty fun. Shawn was making fun of me because here I was, an hour after the black out (sitting on a bus) and I was calling people to arrange for non-electricity required fun. As they put it, here the Eastern seaboard is without power, and Jen's looking to get together and party. Aside from everyone getting all stressed and super into the games, we had fun. :) As always, I was right in my awesomeness.

I think the a/c just kicked in here at work, since it feels cooler and my coworker's board just reset. It was getting pretty uncomfortable in here, especially with all of the equipment that we have.

I kept hoping that the book store would stay with its power out and we wouldn't open -- what I don't understand is the number of people downtown. You don't have to work, you're too stupid to go into your basement at home or sit around with your friends and neighbours and shoot the shit, so you have to come downtown and consume? What the fuck is up with that? Argh!

I'm just tired. I haven't gotten enough sleep for several days running, and it's catching up with me, I think. I was up early this morning 'cause the phone kept ringing -- various people calling everyone else to check in and ensure that this or that was going to open. My sister is lucky; I am not. Poo.

I was planning to hit the gym today, but that kinda got changed. :) I might do it tomorrow after work but before the birthday festivities, or even before work. I doubt I'll want to wake up that early, though.

I realized today heading into the shower that my birthday is a week from tomorrow. Wow; hadn't realized it was coming up so soon. I'm gonna be old. :P If anyone is wondering what they should get me... S'okay, I love prezzies, but I don't expect anything. :)

Anyhow, this is kinda going nowhere. I had fun on the bus yesterday; a trip that would normally take about 10 minutes took an hour. Everyone was getting along with everyone else and just having fun chatting and laughing. I read that there were pedestrians directing traffic, and construction crews or city employees were tossing them the orange and yellow vests so they would be more visible. :) I think that's pretty awesome -- first, that people would jump in and do it, and second that they'd get provided with things to help them out.

As I walked to my second job yesterday, I heard a woman behind me state, "Well, a power outage like that deserves some ice cream!" As I kept walking and came abreast with the ice cream vendor, I saw a sign on the front that said "Sorry, no power = no ice cream." Made me laugh. :)

I now have two hours to kill before my other job. *sigh* This is gonna be a long, crappy day. :P

Another day... another day. I went to the gym today and worked out all the machines (well, learned how to use them and did a set on each), plus did my cardio and stuff. Before that, I went into Fairweather and spent a lot of money on work clothes. I need to class up my wardrobe, and they were having a great sale, plus they usually have nice things to wear.

After the gym, swung by the piercing studio to make sure that my ear swellage is normal -- it is. He also told me how I could try to get rid of my keloid if I was so inclined; it's formed behind my helix piercing and it's been there forever, but I think it's part of what's made the earring somewhat uncomfortable at times.

On my way over to the bookstore to say hi to D, I decided to pop into Disco-go-round to see if they had any decent DVDs... and man, did I buy a lot of crap there. :) I picked up 11 DVDs in all, including three MSTs that I'm using to replace my VHS copies -- that I will promptly sell on eBay. :)

Pestered D at work for a bit and chatted with some coworkers, then it was off home to sit about and brief my folks on my day. I got my papers for the MJ today, so I'm going to be contacting my references soon and seeing if they're still amenable to writing me letters and filling out forms so I can give another school more money. Yay. :P

Just waiting for a disc to burn and then I'm off to watch my brand-new used copy of Ace Ventura and have raucous fun.

I just got an ICQ from Shawn: "YOU THERE. COME HERE." My friends, eh? :)

Jay rocks my socks:

Me: Very cool. :) Any idea the next time you'll be in town?
Jay: Christmas.
Jay: And probably not for long.
Me: Boo.
Me: I disagree
Jay: Oh? How come?
Me: 'cause you have to hang around longer and check out my bachelorette pad!
Me: And disapprove of whomever I'm dating. :)
Jay: That's my job! :)
Me: Exactly! :)
Jay: I'll find time somewhere during my trip to cast a disapproving gaze. ;)
Me: Pfft :)
Jay: So, who do you intend to be seeing in December?
Me: *shrug* I haven't picked him out yet. ;)
Jay: I ought to prepare some dirty names for him beforehand. :)
Jay: The acronym thing is so overdone. ;)
Me: *laugh*
Me: Will you ever approve of anyone I date?
Jay: I have approved of some. I never said anything bad about D.
Me: You never met D :)
Jay: I did! :) Once! For two minutes!
Me: Did you?
Jay: At J's house.
Jay: On my last trip.
Me: That was E
Me: He dumped me. :)
Jay: Oh, stupid ass.
Me: That's better ;)
Jay: I didn't like him, when I met him. ;)
Me: *rofl
Jay: Just kidding.
Me: Nono, funnier this way ;)

Today was *busy* at work. I was the only cashier on after 8 p.m., so that was fun. Actually, I liked being really busy; I was having fun being stupid at customers (in an entertaining way) and nothing was bugging me and I think it was 'cause I wasn't bored and watching the clock, I wasn't working with/being ignored by E, and I have promising news.

That isn't going to get posted here, 'cause I'm still waiting on some other stuff and want to see what'll happen and what I'll decide to do. :)

And... I'm pregnant!

Naw, I'm not. I just wanted to see how many people would turn purple at that one (like Jay used to when I'd tease him like that).

I got to wander around today with Shawn's signature still on my left forearm, and some of Glord's writing on my right arm. A from work noticed my tragus piercing today, and R asked me what I'd decided to get pierced; these are the only people who've noticed it that haven't already been told about it. Kinda amusing, especially since my hair was such today that it seemed really noticeable -- at least, to me. And I'm important to me. ;)

I rode the bus most of the way home with one of my managers tonight and I entertained him most of the way. I think I was in a good mood today for the first time in awhile, and it was reflected in the fact that I was saying just about anything that came into my head and having fun with it. :)

I'd decided this morning that I wasn't going to let the E situation bug me. I don't know how likely that is to happen, but it's the resolve I've decided on for now.

For now I'm off to bed. Didn't get enough sleep last night after all the abuse I suffered at the hands of Shawn and Glord, and I have another early day tomorrow; maybe not long, but early. :P

And from the "I didn't expect to hear this this evening" department, a message from a friend who injured his hand: "And the worst thing is... it's my dominant hand, so I'll need a cold shower tonight. ;)"

Stolen from Bacchus, a dear man who has linked Whore's Boudoir and increased my hits for me, corsets.

My computer is now back in commission, and that makes me happy. My daddy was very nice and fixed it for me (again), and I have now thrown out the game that was causing it problems.

Hung out for awhile last night, as previously stated with Glord and Shawn. Much hilarity ensued, including putting lipstick on Shawn's lips to make him look like a two-bit hooker. Now *that's* comedy.

I won a $10 gift certificate through work the other day. I got to choose whether I wanted it for the bookstore or for HMV; I picked HMV, so now I have an excuse to go and buy DVDs. :) I also got my birthday money from my aunt and my grandfather, so that provides me with some more excuses. Birthdays are for buying fun things, not paying off loans.

We had a family excursion to IKEA last night. I looked at some tables and things, but haven't bought anything major because we have to wait and see what the measurements in the new place are. My mom and I are going to go out hopefully on Thursday; I have to call my landlord and find out. Not to mention ask him about the water heater situation.

I did pick up some kitchen things, including glasses and a colander and some mixing bowls. I'm getting things in blue, so they won't match my blue flan plate and other dishes; it's a completely different shade of blue. :) That's okay, my entire place is going to be student economy poor; it's not meant to match. The next little while is really starting to come together, and my savings are holding up okay (gotta remember to *deposit* paycheques), so I feel that I can actually do this. I'd be happy if I didn't have to dip into my savings for rent or whatnot, and just had them as a cushion, but at least I know I can be okay for awhile.

Kazaa was acting insanely stupid at me the other day, so I upgraded to the new version, and now it seems that I can't find anything I want. This is not to be considered helpful by any means.

I have a week off coming up, and I'm going to be using it to do the sorting and tossing in my room. I want to get rid of a lot of stuff and make sure that what I'm making the effort of taking with me is stuff I actually want.

Anyhow, gotta get moving on the day. It's gonna be another long one, and I'm so tempted to call in sick to the book store, but I have no real reason to do so. I'm not sick, after all, and it's really short notice so that would be mean. Well, not *really*, but more really than I'd like.

I'm currently hanging out with the Glord and Shawn. Here's a quote:

Shawn: "Jen, what are you up to?"
Me: "I'm updating my site."
Simultaneously, Glord and Shawn (in that order): "With what?" "Oh fuck!"

Tonight has included much pokage of nipples, penii, and various assorted body parts. 'Cause various isn't an obvious enough reference to assorted. Or something.

I'm actually pretty tired, but I'm feeling good. Right now Glord is exploring Shawn's ear and cyst. Not with his tongue as I was tempted to say, but just in general. Or something; I'm trying not to look. :)

Anyhow, I have nothing exciting to say right now, so... I'm just saying that Shawn poked me in a very private place, so I punched him or something. I don't remember; I'm traumatized.

Shawn just said to Glord: "I want you to like, stick ten ice cubes up my ass!" And Glord said, "And a rock!" And then someone also suggested a nun -- and it wasn't me.

Okay, back to the insanity.

Oh yeah, we killed a bug. It was big and scary and pathetic -- two women (Shawn's mom and myself), a gay guy, and Shawn, who was supposed to be a big strong manly straight guy, but instead feared the bug. It was amusing. :)

Welp, I'm an asshole. Today was/is my dad's birthday and I forgot. Someone hit me.

Errm... I take that one back. At least I can pick up a card at the drug store after work. Sheesh, do I ever suck.

Updated Bibliophilage.

"but I've put any feelings I have for you away"

Ouch.

How can guys do that? I've never been able to do that. I'm one big stupid feeling mess.

*grin* I like my drunken post. It causes me much amusement.

Anyhow, I'd like to clarify one thing; I don't smoke when I'm drunk. Last night, one of my coworkers was smoking a cigarette (Daigu thoughtfully provided the name) and I thought it smelled nice and I wanted to try it. I was having a bad day and whatnot, and I just felt like it. *shrug* Considering it appeared to shear off half of my tastebuds and I don't want to become a smoker, I'm not very likely to do it again.

That out of the way... I felt kinda like ass when I woke up this morning; I had to eat my breakfast (toast with a very light coating of margarine) when my stomach was in its brief "hungry" periods as opposed to the "churny grumpy" ones. I felt better once I got a bunch of water into me, too.

From there, it was off to work for a depressingly long shift. It seemed to take forever for the last hour to come about, which subsequently flew. My mood was somewhat tempered by E's coming to work and asking another girl, R, if she'd gotten his email, yet mentioning absolutely nothing about mine. This means ... I don't know. I haven't the faintest if he read it or not, or if he cares about what I have to say/think or not. My natural belief is to think that he doesn't care; my optimistic side is saying maybe he simply hasn't read it yet. I dunno.

Gah. Last night was nice because I didn't feel anything. Well, until I got really tired and wanted to go to bed, but... One of my sorta bosses said this morning that my face was bright red when I left last night; he said the same thing at the time, too. I think he was amused by seeing me drunk, and may have even started to like me a bit more because I showed I have a loose, relaxed side. I dunno.

So today was long and whatnot. I got together with H for some dinner and hanging out after work finished. She and I went to a diner nearby, 'cause it was cheap, and the guy working as the overnight busboy happened to be someone I dated/fooled around with briefly during second year. We chatted for a bit, and H thought he was cute; he took down my ICQ info (again; we used to talk online regularly), and she took down his, then later decided (after some pushing on my part) to give him her phone number. We shall see what happens. ;)

She and I discussed our various situations and boys and such during dinner, as well as various things we saw around -- i.e., the woman sitting in H's line of view who was wearing little yellow shorts and had her legs spread wide open like she had some massive man dong hanging between her thighs. We were shocked and mocked her accordingly.

From there, we decided to go ahead with my sorta-piercing plans. I talked about my waffling as we walked to get money and say hi to D on our way through the store. We went to the piercing studio that I wanted to go to (there are many within a short walking distance; gotta love downtown), and we chatted with the piercers/tattoo artists and I waffled for a further twenty minutes. I'm an impressive waffler.

(Just sent an MSN message to E asking if he got my email. We shall await a reply.)

During my waffling time, a group of teenage boys and girls came in, asking to have some work done. The policy at the particular studio I was at is that you must be 16 to have piercings done, and 18 for tattoos. I never quite caught what the one girl wanted done -- I think it was some sort of genital piercing -- but they turned her away, stating that for whatever she wanted done she had to be 18, and she was merely 17. They tried to argue for awhile, and the head piercer stated that he could get charged with penetration of a minor (in a technical sense), and that they weren't going to go to jail for a measly $30. The kids walked out, stating they were going to go to another studio nearby, and when they left we all mocked them.

Evenings with H tend to include a great deal of mocking of other people, which is just fantastic. :)

I finally settled on my piercing, and headed into the little cubicle area to have it done. H at first sat next to me, then decided to go across the room so she could watch; she hadn't seen hers done, and she was curious. The piercer had me lie down on the bed-thing and he got the clamp all applied and such. He did the countdown (which I usually hate), then passed the needle through. Frankly, I was prepared to scream in anguish and misery at the feeling and the noise, and yet... nothing. In fact, my first words as the needle was still passing through my ear were, "H, this isn't bad at all!" I don't even remember hearing any kind of crunching or crackling cartilege, which she had said was kinda the worst part. It wasn't something I'd want to experience several times a day, but in all honesty, it was really not bad at all. I think I've been acting the weenie by having anaesthetic for my piercings.

And for the curious... I now have a tragus piercing in my right ear. I was very tempted to go and have the second one done, especially as it would save me some money, but I also like to sleep on my stomach, so I wouldn't really have any comfortable way to lie if I had painful holes in both ears. Nor would I be able to use any phones, which are of course an integral part of my life. :)

Anyhow, H and I split shortly thereafter; she wanted to be home early and I wasn't averse to the idea myself. I managed to miss my local bus by about 2 minutes, and was "entertained" by a crowd of 16- and maybe 17-year olds trying to figure out how to get to a house party. Lucky me, they also got on my bus, but got off fairly quickly. Myself and another girl on the bus mocked them for awhile, feeling greatly superior in our maturity. Yeah, that's it. :)

On my walk home, I passed by Evan and James' place and got to meet the new addition to their home, Django, and catch up with their mom. I think I scared her at first, since it was dark and she couldn't quite see me, or possibly even recognize me; after all, it's been four years since her husband used to drive me to band practice. Weird to think of it that way; I'm getting old.

Oh yes, and to clarify between Daigu's comment and my previous plans; I only had 2 and a half Smirnoff Black Ices. I'm simply a cheap drunk, especially when I don't drink that often (although I've had more to drink in the last few months than usual). Last night, likely because I was really tired to begin with, I got drunk very easily and rather quickly, and I rode it out and had fun with it. :)

And I think that's all for now. I know that most people seem to only skim my posts, so I really do post just for myself, but I'm feeling all-encompassing today, so I apologize for the lengthiness. I'm kinda hungry, but not willing to put much effort into acquiring or making food -- especially as my mom is likely to grouse at me about eating so late. I'm also tired... urgh. Ah well. Being me sucks sometimes.

I am drunk. Drunk is good. Drunk feels no pain. I smoke when I am drunk. Only the nice-smelling non-cigarettes that D kept pronouncing whose names I never quite caught.

I will hate myself tomorrow. My lungs will hurt and I will be exhausted and stupid and whatnot, but for now I feel fantastic. Off to bed. Night-night.

Okay, I caved. I emailed him first. I didn't go into great detail on much; I don't even know if he's going to read it, so it's not like I wanted to put a huge bunch of effort into it. Hell, I don't even know if he cares about what I think, or whatever. And I didn't want to be the "other girl who sent him the 8-page email about feelings"... bugger that. I don't have to be pathetic, just honest.

So, yeah. Had the gym appointment, and that went well. Got my heart rate stupidly high, but I wasn't panting, so that was good. D and I spent quite awhile discussing gym stuff and food stuff. I gotta increase my protein intake, which kinda sucks 'cause I don't seem to like any foods that are high in protein.

I've decided that I'm going to turn into one of those people who has nothing interesting to talk about, just what she did at the gym that day, or the day before, or what she plans to do at the gym. :)

Anyhow, D and I headed over to Chapters last night to do some very brief shopping. I picked up a few books I've been eyeing for awhile: The Vagina Monologues, The Secret Language of Girls, and I saw a new Naomi Wolf, so I decided to go for that. I'm so looking forward to peace and quiet and reading time. Which'll probably be sometime after I die.

Today has been crazy hectic busy. Well, not really, but it's been *long.* I was up at 7, did all of my morning routine stuff, then headed downtown for two appointments back-to-back. After they finished, I came to work for an hour or so to fill time and get ahead on some work. Then it was off to the book store for a nice long shift (only 6 hours, but it felt *long*), and now I'm back at work finishing some stuff up.

C, the guy I dated briefly awhile ago, is having a "I've left the company and it feels great" party this evening, and I feel some obligation to show up, but I'm also zonked and I have to get up early tomorrow for another nice 8-hour shift at the book store. Urgh. H and I are also supposed to get together in the evening, so we'll see what comes of that. I ran into her a few days ago and got the lowdown on the situation with her and R; not entirely pretty, for sure.

Anyhow, time has ended here for me and I must be figuring out what I'm off to do. Probably stop by for one drink (despite not being dressed for the bar scene)... although. Urgh. Yeah, I think it's time for me to head home. I want some sleep and some cat snuggling and some quiet reading time. Argh, obligations. Okay, here's my mental back and forth written out for all to see. Isn't this fun to read? This is probably right along the lines of what R considered to be my boring entries. :)

Okay, one drink, then home. I'm gone.

Fun evening with Shawn and A from work. Just grabbed some snacks and did some chatting and made our waitress laugh when she overheard my comment about having requested guys to shave their balls before. I laughed, too. :)

Learned some more things about the E situation that got my rage kinda going, but I was able to overcome it with conversation and fun and distraction stuff. S'all good, I hope. Getting very tempted to either confront or write an email explaining out my perspective, but the other part of me just wants to have him approach me. This is just plain dumb and frustrating and I want out.

I think Stinky is sick or depressed, and it has me worried. Dr. Seuss seems concerned about him. I hope he's okay. :(

Saw a bunny today, thereby proving Shawn and D wrong. I rule. :)

Oops, maybe Stinky was just resting. Y'know, pining for the fjords (let's see who gets that one).

I'm off to bed. Got a gym appointment tomorrow, where a stranger gets to tell me how fat and out of shape I am. And I'm paying her to do it! Ah well, it's a step on the right direction to getting fit and buff and hot. *flex* Here's hoping I have the determination to actually make it happen. Just like all this job stuff (although with the E situation, that's getting easier and easier to pursue).

A and I got to rate the various guys at work today and vent/gossip a little about our coworkers for awhile. And we did it all without complaining about customers! :) Poor Shawn, though. I think we bored him. :(

Btw, if you have any suggestions for things I should buy when I visit Shawn's store, speak up. I've been promised (I think) a discount. :)

Sometimes I imagine conversations with people; like, if I'm mad at someone, I imagine them confronting me and asking why I'm upset, and then I imagine all the things I'd say to explain it.

Then I get all het up and angry and upset and frustrated and full of rage and have to remind myself that this imagined conversation never actually took place.

Just picture me, a little tiny seething ball of rage -- like there's a cork somewhere that has to be released to get all of my anger and upset out and vented. I'm pathetic.

I'm also learning that I really don't get over people very easily, and that's also frustrating. Well, with some exceptions; getting over the coworker wasn't exactly a trial, lemme tell you that.

But this stuff with E has me all bothered, and it's partly because we haven't spoken since it happened. All together now: "Just talk to him!" Now, yeah. I don't know, I feel like it's his place to talk to me.

I was talking to one of my coworkers today, who's gotten some of the details on it from both of us, and from what she's said, he (E) has some of it wrong, but that's to be expected -- it's stuff he got wrong then, too. The other reason I don't want to approach him is 'cause after he broke up with the last girl he was seeing, he kept going on and on about her sending him 8-page emails about her feelings, and how he didn't want feelings (his chorus throughout much of this), and he even said that he broke up with me because he didn't feel jealous and thought he should, so why should I dump feelings on him?

Argh. I know D's thrilled with reading all of this, but ... welcome to my journal and my brain. Gotta get it out somewhere, right? Otherwise the me that is the seething ball of rage really will lose it and either break down and cry or just snap at someone who doesn't deserve it. Although that could be fun. :)

Today was busy for me at work, and I only had a 5-hour shift, so I only got a 15 minute break. That's annoying. Of course, the guy doing my cash out was kinda annoyed because he once again had three of us scheduled to end at 4, so he had to race around to get us all out on time (which doesn't happen, anyhow). It amused me. :)

Got another interview with a placement firm on Friday, and I have the first of my three gym appointments with my trainer tomorrow afternoon. The next few weeks are going to be crazy hectic, I just hope I have time to get everything done.

Okay, I'm here. I guess it hasn't been that long since I 'updated,' if you could call an article announcement an update. I'm kinda proud of that article, actually -- it was written in a more serious tone than some of my others, and I like it.

Anyhow... what's new and exciting here?

Well, saw American Wedding this evening with D. There was one particular scene in it where I gagged and had one of those instinctive "I have to be somewhere I can throw up" moments, but it passed and fortunately the scene ended somewhat afterwards. People in the audience were noisy enough that I was -- also fortunately -- able to miss out on a decent amount of the dialogue in that portion.

I found some of the scenes -- such as the first one with the dogs -- were a little too obvious in their setup, but later things made up for it. The bachelor party was a new use of gratuitous boobs. :)

I managed to get a fair number of things set up for the new place; I now have an appoitment to get cable and internet, and I have electricity. I have to send in a copy of my lease to get water, and I have to call my landlord next week to take measurements, but it's coming together. If only I could get a new job and make lots of money, it could all be paid for (and my debts could be paid off) without much fear. Here's hoping.

I also set up my gym training sessions with the (hopefully) nice trainer lady. I can then get well on my way to getting fit and buff and hot and I can feel good about myself and all that other touchy-feely stuff. In reality, I will go around and look hot and sexy and whatnot around other people who used to or currently reject me and I can feel stupid. Yeah, that kinda fizzled out.

I will be hot and desirable! Yeah, that's it!

Okay, enough of that.

I ran into H today on my way to D's place, and she filled me in on the scoop between her and R. Needless to say (a phrase I'm using an awful lot lately), things didn't end well between them, and she's kinda hurt. She told me of some of the dirty places they had sex, some of the actions she's taken since, and the fact that the pizza guy got busted for possession. It was kinda funny; he had less on him than his two companions, and R was driving without a license or registration, and yet pizza guy was the only one to get in trouble for anything. Because of the current state of the marijuana laws, they're apparently waiting until that's resolved to continue charging him (or something), and he'll likely merely have to pay a fine, but I still thought it was kinda funny. Especially imagining how livid he must be. :)

I remembered just now; I meant to post earlier about the things people were getting mad at me for/trying to pull at work yesterday (Monday, the Civic Holiday). People sometimes get annoyed when I ask them if they have a discount card. I don't know why, but I don't care. Whatever. That I'm kinda used to.

Also, whenever someone happens to work at one of the tills at the end of the cash wrap (as I was this day), then people frequently "don't see the line" and just line up behind other people who are paying. So... it means you're regularly having to shoo people down to where the others are lined up. Well, Monday I did this for about the second or third time and my usual directions to people who "can't see the line" are something akin to "it's on the other side of the displays." I tried that one on this one particular woman, and she got annoyed with me because she couldn't see five regularly-sized human beings standing in one place, holding items of merchandise that we happen to sell that they hadn't yet paid for.

Ew. I just sneezed on my knee.

Later in the day, a woman brought a box of cards to my till and wanted to know if she could have a discount on them; she'd found them "over there" -- i.e., not with the display of the other cards. I opened the box, counted the cards, counted the envelopes -- nothing missing. I told her there was absolutely no reason I could give her a discount. I really wish I knew what she thought she could get the discount for. The story, however, does not end here -- oh no!. She was also buying a reference book on how to write business letters. She wanted to know how old a book had to be before it qualified for a discount; her book was published in 1996. I told her that it was up to my managers to decide (which it actually isn't, it's head office, I believe) as to what books qualified for our bargain section, but that the book didn't happen to qualify for a discount. *mutter*

It's like the people who bring hardcover books to the till that happen to have had someone else *touch* them, or perhaps the tiniest corner of the jacket of the book happens to be wrinkled or torn, and they want a discount. I just want to yell at them that the book is going to see the same amount of damage travelling home in their meaty paws, so they should just fuck off and die. And stopping bugging me for fucking discounts.

Nice, got some rage going there. :)

Oh, also they should realize that lining up at five minutes before we close, when they've been there for several hours -- or even just twenty minutes -- doesn't fool me. They're still stupids who should not be allowed out in public.

I'm trying to find a particular song that I've heard in bars at times and it's frustrating me. Normally I am the queen of the search engine; feed me a song lyric and I can find your song and artist (and I have modelled such abilities for Charmaine and Lucas, at the very least). Yet this one is stumping me. It's an east coast-y song, with usually a male artist singing it. It has the lyrics "go home" in it -- I think -- and it's an up-tempo, beer-mug swinging kind of song. I think I might have a potential lead on it, but even Kazaa is letting me down tonight; half the songs I'm trying to find it doesn't have. Stupid people online with only pop music that I've already retrieved tonight (i.e., a few songs off the American Wedding soundtrack that I liked).

Hrm.... admitting to music piracy online. Not necessarily the best of actions, but... ;)

I've also taken up playing Black and White again. The only problem is that it periodically crashes on me, so much fun is had when I have to reboot my system and find out how long ago the last auto-save happened to be.

I also recently discovered that I didn't have an episode of you-know-what burned to disc, so I'm having to retrieve that. I still have episodes to watch to actually catch up to that point, but I've been trying to do other things for now. :)

So, that should be that for now. I'm off to bed, in an attempt to get some sleep in. Tomorrow has an early morning to it, and I hate those kinds of days.

New article up at Whore's Boudoir. Go read it. Glord, this means you. :)

I joined a gym today.

I have a bug bite on my elbow that's causing my elbow to ache and my entire arm to feel slightly less strong than it ought to. This, combined with everything else, is making me feel somewhat pathetic.

I had a stuffed pig set aside at work to buy for my aunt; E mentioned it to someone who mentioned it to a manager who then sold it. I wonder if they intend to replace it or order me a new one, or just say sorry?

I'm feeling a quiet kind of rage. Frustration, anger, that sort of thing. I copied out my diary entries into my diary notebook from my online notebook today. Revisiting it all ... feels weird. Especially since it's somewhat unresolved; at least, I seem to be waiting for him to just lose it and ask why I'm acting how I am. It probably won't happen, and I'll just carry around all this frustration and upset until it's faded away and I either feel hate or apathy, like with regards to the coworker.

My phone battery seemed to go from full to flat in the blink of an eye today. Perhaps gremlins were placing calls when I wasn't paying attention.

I have an article for Whore's Boudoir mostly written today. I have some more to add to it, but I think it'll be a good one. It's more academic or slightly ranty than it is informative or funny, but it's my column and my opinions, so I can write it as I please. :)

I feel sick. I think the bug bite's affected me in ways that are unpleasant. Why can't I have a cool allergy, like nuts or penicillin? Why do I get stuck with mosquito bites and dust?

As for the happy question... parts of me are and parts of me aren't. If you were wondering.

For South Park fans, a quiz. I managed to get 7/10 on it. Yay, me. :)

And, harkening back to my high school days, from fark.com, a description of one of their news bits: "Drunk musician arrested after plowing into car with his van. The article doesn't mention it, but he was probably a drummer."

More later, I'm sure. For now, I make french toast.

Are you happy?

Okay, that last post was written around 2 a.m. on Friday (2:30 according to the date stamp), but never posted. Damn Blogger. :P

Just got back from the planny goodness, as I called it. Had a good collection of people out, and a few others that Ben brought along. Of the group that I invited, only three didn't show; Stefan and Matt D. 'cause they were out of town, and my girl friend E, who simply didn't respond. :)

Anyhow, overall the evening was cool. We went to Mexicali Rosa's, and Shawn managed to get some food that didn't cause his stomach to eat itself, which is always a plus. Glord, the lactose intolerant one, ate an ice cream dessert, which wasn't a plus. :)

I'm trying to figure out how to segue into this, but it just isn't happening. Basically, for some of us, a person that Ben brought along happened to put a bit of a damper on the evening. After dinner was over, a group of us sat and chatted and acted stupid for awhile, partly trying to figure things out, but overall didn't come to a satisfactory conclusion.

I sat towards the end of one table and chatted with Jacob, Glord, Shawn, and D for most of the evening. At one point, this particular person called down the table to me that he read my site and found it boring and repetitive. Then he said that sometimes it was okay, like when people commented. I shrugged it off; this is my journal, sometimes it's full of interesting tidbits (like when I talk about how Glord later saw my ass and underwear), and other times it's full of dull stuff, like when I list what I did over the weekend. I've never pretended this site was anything but crap, although occasionally I do post something I'm kinda proud of.

Anyhow, he bellowed down the table at one point and requested that I go sit up near that end to say hi and such. I sat next to Ben and across from Mark, telling the latter that he looked good with the weight he'd lost (a hundred pounds and counting! Eesh!). R, the somewhat obnoxious person, started out by asking me if I was worried about STDs; it appears that he was or is under the misconception that I'm rampantly bedding all and sundry. Or something; I'm not entirely sure what his point was.

The conversation moved into him and Mark quizzing me about my relationship with D; it's a difficult arrangement to explain, seeing as how he's not exactly my boyfriend, and while I do care for him, I'm also somewhat restraining myself from getting too emotionally involved, seeing as how he's leaving in four weeks. It's not a situation that lends itself too easily to explanations.

Something else that R mentioned annoyed me enough that I didn't feel like staying at that end of the table any longer, and I returned to my former seat. He also managed to cheese off Glord by saying that he 'was okay with Gord being gay' and that he 'had an uncle who was gay, and they thought he was okay.' Since this was the first time he had met Gord, this didn't exactly sit too well with many of us.

Now, I've met R on a few occasions, and I have to say, his behaviour tonight was right in line with any other time I've met him. He seems to glory in acting stupid and obnoxious, and I did call out to him at one point something to the effect of, "Who invited you? Because I know it wasn't me." Ben and he seem to get along great, but I've really never warmed up to the guy.

Angus mentioned that he seemed to be playing devil's advocate the entire evening, doing his best to be obnoxious to as many people as he possibly could. I do my best to give people several chances to be themselves; I try to avoid hating someone right off the bat. I give them several encounters before I decide whether or not I like them. Well, R has had several, and ... I can't say I'm a fan.

I did my best to ignore him all evening, and I have to say, I wasn't sad when he left. I was a little disappointed when Mark et al left, as I didn't have a chance to talk to them all night, but I hope they had a decent time. Everyone else seemed to, and it was certainly a pick on Jen evening -- between the incessant comments about sloppy vag, my apparent rampant promiscuity and need for extreme protection, seeing as how I put myself at risk of every STD ever known (what with all of the men I'm doing, I guess -- wish I knew who these guys were), and then the anal raping I later got from Gord, the flashing of my underwear to all and sundry... I suppose overall it wasn't a total loss of an evening.

We had good conversation later; Jacob, Shawn, Glord, D, Angus and I sat down in some grass and had a chat about the gay high school opening in the States, as well as the evening itself. Then there was discussion of differences in gay and hetero sex, or even male and female libido... it all kinda blurs, at this point. Somewhere during all of that I drew abs and a penis on Shawn's chest, beat up D a few times, flashed Gord my butt and got D to do the same thing, and had Gord comment on my underwear. There were a few lines during the couse of the evening that made me laugh hard enough that I thought I'd pee, but now I don't remember what they are. :)

Anyhow, must be off to bed. I have to work both jobs tomorrow, and who knows what the book store will bring, particularly in the realm of E. Urgh. Positive attitude, and total ignoration -- not that he'd notice. :) Oh yeah, gotta say -- I loved Gord's comments when he heard that E had broken up with me. He was imitating how my reaction should've gone -- "You're breaking up with me?" and then laughter. He was all about how the incredulous reaction should've been how I'd handled it, and that amused me, in a twisted sort of way. :)

Maybe tomorrow my book will arrive! Yay! :)

And finally... yes, Glord may have posted his update first, but mine's more comprehensive. So there. :P :)