2002/05/06
2002/05/02
There's something very nice about having someone say your name when they aren't mad at you or reprimanding you. :) Evening just having someone sleepy say, 'G'night Jen' is really nice. :)
Nice nice nice. Better than how I started out, which was weepy and sad. Had fun today, saw Spiderman, wiggled my butt around, skipped out on my class... oh boy is that class going to be tough. *sigh* Ah well, I'll make it through. I hope.
Going to spend tomorrow taking care of business all over and digging in my closet, since I already own the textbook for the class. Yay!
My cat's breath smells like cat food. :)
I showed a buddy of mine from work a picture of me, and he keeps going on how awesome it is. It's a few years old, from when I went to formal with the ex- at his university.
Anyhow, I don't have much to say right now. I've wanted to write updates the last few days, but just haven't had anything too interesting to say... as much as I'm sure people are riveted by my daily accounts of the little nuances of my life. On that subject, got a new bag (I don't want to call it a purse, but it really is). It's nice. :)
I'm going to go read for a bit and pack it in. I'm currently rereading the third Harry Potter book (read and finished the second one today), as well as Black Like Me, Manifesta (not the Scum Manifesto), and various trashy romance novels. All of that fun is likely soon to be overtaken by school reading. *grrr*
Okay, byebye. :)
Nice nice nice. Better than how I started out, which was weepy and sad. Had fun today, saw Spiderman, wiggled my butt around, skipped out on my class... oh boy is that class going to be tough. *sigh* Ah well, I'll make it through. I hope.
Going to spend tomorrow taking care of business all over and digging in my closet, since I already own the textbook for the class. Yay!
My cat's breath smells like cat food. :)
I showed a buddy of mine from work a picture of me, and he keeps going on how awesome it is. It's a few years old, from when I went to formal with the ex- at his university.
Anyhow, I don't have much to say right now. I've wanted to write updates the last few days, but just haven't had anything too interesting to say... as much as I'm sure people are riveted by my daily accounts of the little nuances of my life. On that subject, got a new bag (I don't want to call it a purse, but it really is). It's nice. :)
I'm going to go read for a bit and pack it in. I'm currently rereading the third Harry Potter book (read and finished the second one today), as well as Black Like Me, Manifesta (not the Scum Manifesto), and various trashy romance novels. All of that fun is likely soon to be overtaken by school reading. *grrr*
Okay, byebye. :)
2002/05/01
2002/04/30
2002/04/29
My sister. Big surprise.
Sometimes I just want to rant and rail at her and ask her when she's going to get off her big fucking lazy ass and do something that isn't completely self-serving.
For example:
I have seen her empty the roll of toilet paper, or damn near, and go walk in and place another roll on the back of the toilet instead of actually changing it. I would have figured at the advanced fucking age of 19 that she'd understand the physics of the damn toilet paper roll holder, it being a simple spring and all that I figured out around the time I was oh, five or six.
Oh wait, I forgot her science marks are poo. Sorry.
Hmm... what else? Well, that annoying little 'dot' that sometimes women leave behind on the toilet seat... common courtesy to wipe it up, no? Oh wait, not common around my sister's area!
Next? Filling up the fucking cat food container when she's the last damn person to feed them. And when she feeds them, how about giving the poor dears a little water?!
Fer chrissakes. I didn't realize that a pair of intelligent adult units who churned out one intelligent child (me, if I can be honest and vain for a few seconds) could crank out one blazingly selfish stupid moron.
Okay, so I'm hyperbolistic for a bit, but indulge me. I haven't ranted or written for awhile, so I have some creative wordplay stored up. And I haven't even begun to rant about men yet. :P
Sometimes I just want to rant and rail at her and ask her when she's going to get off her big fucking lazy ass and do something that isn't completely self-serving.
For example:
I have seen her empty the roll of toilet paper, or damn near, and go walk in and place another roll on the back of the toilet instead of actually changing it. I would have figured at the advanced fucking age of 19 that she'd understand the physics of the damn toilet paper roll holder, it being a simple spring and all that I figured out around the time I was oh, five or six.
Oh wait, I forgot her science marks are poo. Sorry.
Hmm... what else? Well, that annoying little 'dot' that sometimes women leave behind on the toilet seat... common courtesy to wipe it up, no? Oh wait, not common around my sister's area!
Next? Filling up the fucking cat food container when she's the last damn person to feed them. And when she feeds them, how about giving the poor dears a little water?!
Fer chrissakes. I didn't realize that a pair of intelligent adult units who churned out one intelligent child (me, if I can be honest and vain for a few seconds) could crank out one blazingly selfish stupid moron.
Okay, so I'm hyperbolistic for a bit, but indulge me. I haven't ranted or written for awhile, so I have some creative wordplay stored up. And I haven't even begun to rant about men yet. :P
2002/04/28
I watched an episode of CSI (Crime Scene Investigators?) this evening that my sister had on tape. There were, as usual, two mysteries going on that people were trying to solve. One involved an old woman who lived alone with 21 cats. The woman had been killed and there were, obviously, trying to figure out who had done it, and the writers of the show, probably understanding human nature, explain usually along with it, why it was done.
(SPOILER AHEAD -- this is the warning to those of you who might be seeing this episode soon and don't know the ending already.)
There were two little girls living at a house across the street. Their mother had said that they could have one of the cats if the lady agreed to give one to them, and the mother knew that this would never happen. When the girls were confessing to the crime, they originally told it as if their mother had taken the cat and killed the lady, then it turned out that it was one of the girls... she was a good actress, 'cause I found myself hating her character's little spoiled bitchy guts.
What struck me about the episode, and what I keep running over in my head, is the actress playing the old woman. When the characters were shown taking the cat from her arms, she was saying how they (both the mother and the little girl in each flashback) couldn't have a cat because they were here babies, her children. They showed a similar scene earlier in the episode when she was having an argument with a neighbour over the conditions in which the cats were kept. People in shows who have large numbers of cats or dogs always have them in squalid conditions, an unfair stereotype, but off topic.
Anyhow, what struck me about the old woman's plight was just that I understood the despair she'd feel at the idea of someone taking away even one of her babies. Sure, you'd think that with 21 cats she wouldn't miss one, but it's not the quantity of the relationships, it's the quality, and the individuality associated with each one. Each cat would have a special characteristic, trait, or personality quirk that she would feel attached to, and as a result, losing even one of them would be really painful. I guess maybe it has to do with having lost Chloe so recently or something. I'm not sure. I'm not even sure I'm explaining this properly, but it's just resounding in my head and I wanted to try to talk about it while I was still feeling it.
It's pretty late/early, and although I had a nap this evening during the hockey game, I know I should try to get some sleep soonish. I want to finish my book, and I'll try to write tomorrow. I keep feeling guilty for reading, and then I remember that I don't have to worry about putting off papers or whatever, 'cause I don't have any more to write! At least not until summer school starts. :) Ah well, it'll be a breeze... I hope. *sigh*
(SPOILER AHEAD -- this is the warning to those of you who might be seeing this episode soon and don't know the ending already.)
There were two little girls living at a house across the street. Their mother had said that they could have one of the cats if the lady agreed to give one to them, and the mother knew that this would never happen. When the girls were confessing to the crime, they originally told it as if their mother had taken the cat and killed the lady, then it turned out that it was one of the girls... she was a good actress, 'cause I found myself hating her character's little spoiled bitchy guts.
What struck me about the episode, and what I keep running over in my head, is the actress playing the old woman. When the characters were shown taking the cat from her arms, she was saying how they (both the mother and the little girl in each flashback) couldn't have a cat because they were here babies, her children. They showed a similar scene earlier in the episode when she was having an argument with a neighbour over the conditions in which the cats were kept. People in shows who have large numbers of cats or dogs always have them in squalid conditions, an unfair stereotype, but off topic.
Anyhow, what struck me about the old woman's plight was just that I understood the despair she'd feel at the idea of someone taking away even one of her babies. Sure, you'd think that with 21 cats she wouldn't miss one, but it's not the quantity of the relationships, it's the quality, and the individuality associated with each one. Each cat would have a special characteristic, trait, or personality quirk that she would feel attached to, and as a result, losing even one of them would be really painful. I guess maybe it has to do with having lost Chloe so recently or something. I'm not sure. I'm not even sure I'm explaining this properly, but it's just resounding in my head and I wanted to try to talk about it while I was still feeling it.
It's pretty late/early, and although I had a nap this evening during the hockey game, I know I should try to get some sleep soonish. I want to finish my book, and I'll try to write tomorrow. I keep feeling guilty for reading, and then I remember that I don't have to worry about putting off papers or whatever, 'cause I don't have any more to write! At least not until summer school starts. :) Ah well, it'll be a breeze... I hope. *sigh*
2002/04/26
Me so seepy. :( At least the paper is done, just gotta go downtown and hand it in, and then I'm done until... oh, wait, Wednesday, when summer classes begin! Argh.
Which reminds me, gotta pay for that soon.
Taking a shiatsu massage course next weekend, that should be kinda cool. :)
Anyhow, time to run... gotta get showered and woken up so I can get moving. *sigh* I wanna go back to sleep. :(
Which reminds me, gotta pay for that soon.
Taking a shiatsu massage course next weekend, that should be kinda cool. :)
Anyhow, time to run... gotta get showered and woken up so I can get moving. *sigh* I wanna go back to sleep. :(
2002/04/25
I went to get some new jewelry for my most recent piercing yesterday. Turns out that 12-gauge wire is an American wire, and isn't easily obtained here -- the cost to make jewelry out of it would be rather prohibitive. So, the place I go to (Classic II, love them!), is having it ordered from a place out in Vancouver... which, consequently doesn't have it in stock either, so they are custom-making me two D-rings and sending them over. I cause trouble all across the country! :)
Ian, the piercer, said that since the main part of a D-ring is flat, it should even out the crookedness of the piercing (which currently sits at an angle), and that that tissue can be adjusted for quite some time. He also said that his anaesthetic is totally effective on cartiledge, so I figure eventually I'll get the one in my upper ear, which I think looks just so cool and pretty.
The coworker drove me home last night, 'cause he finished up work really early, so instead of bussing home (as I needed to get home to work on a paper), I waited. I felt all unsettled and jittery when I got home, so I wandered over to the pizza place and hung out with pizza guy. I told him about my 'great revelation,' which he kinda made fun of me for, but with cause... it was a revelation that I should have come to a long time ago, and it just kinda went to show me how bad my body image actually is, which sucks. I'll write about it more when I flesh it out later, which I've been trying to do for a bit. I have a book now that I carry around to try to write blogs in, or essays... I have about four different journals that I write in now. :P :)
Anyhow, gotta get running... gotta have a shower and I want to get over to the pizza place for longer than two minutes 'cause I have a question to pose to him... namely, how did he describe our relationship, if not boyfriend/girlfriend? That was a question he put to me awhile back and I had no acceptable answer. Since he was the one that originally said not bf/gf, I'm curious what label he would slap on it. Also need to spend some time with Digger, who needs a good brushing and is apparently seeming neglected.
Maybe if I start posting nudie pics or pics of my piercings, I can get the same kind of hits that Di gets. ;)
Ian, the piercer, said that since the main part of a D-ring is flat, it should even out the crookedness of the piercing (which currently sits at an angle), and that that tissue can be adjusted for quite some time. He also said that his anaesthetic is totally effective on cartiledge, so I figure eventually I'll get the one in my upper ear, which I think looks just so cool and pretty.
The coworker drove me home last night, 'cause he finished up work really early, so instead of bussing home (as I needed to get home to work on a paper), I waited. I felt all unsettled and jittery when I got home, so I wandered over to the pizza place and hung out with pizza guy. I told him about my 'great revelation,' which he kinda made fun of me for, but with cause... it was a revelation that I should have come to a long time ago, and it just kinda went to show me how bad my body image actually is, which sucks. I'll write about it more when I flesh it out later, which I've been trying to do for a bit. I have a book now that I carry around to try to write blogs in, or essays... I have about four different journals that I write in now. :P :)
Anyhow, gotta get running... gotta have a shower and I want to get over to the pizza place for longer than two minutes 'cause I have a question to pose to him... namely, how did he describe our relationship, if not boyfriend/girlfriend? That was a question he put to me awhile back and I had no acceptable answer. Since he was the one that originally said not bf/gf, I'm curious what label he would slap on it. Also need to spend some time with Digger, who needs a good brushing and is apparently seeming neglected.
Maybe if I start posting nudie pics or pics of my piercings, I can get the same kind of hits that Di gets. ;)
2002/04/24
Which "Friend" Are You?
Jen, you've got a little bit of Monica going on!
Mon! You're the normal one, honey, in the best way possible. You're caring, you're responsible, you look to the future—what a gem. Wait a second, did you just start editing for grammar mistakes in the middle of reading your own compliments?
Ok, so you like things, well, the way you like them. But even when you're smiling through clenched teeth, waiting for everyone else to get with the program, deep down, you're really still smiling. You're just waiting for that impatient moment to pass.
When it comes right down to it, you are thoughtful, meticulous, and good at what you do. As for romance, you can be a little picky and want things to be just-so. We wouldn't expect anything less. And like the original Monica, if you can avoid rushing into things, you'll find the right match and all the happiness your sweet, finicky, heart deserves.
Jen, you've got a little bit of Monica going on!
Mon! You're the normal one, honey, in the best way possible. You're caring, you're responsible, you look to the future—what a gem. Wait a second, did you just start editing for grammar mistakes in the middle of reading your own compliments?
Ok, so you like things, well, the way you like them. But even when you're smiling through clenched teeth, waiting for everyone else to get with the program, deep down, you're really still smiling. You're just waiting for that impatient moment to pass.
When it comes right down to it, you are thoughtful, meticulous, and good at what you do. As for romance, you can be a little picky and want things to be just-so. We wouldn't expect anything less. And like the original Monica, if you can avoid rushing into things, you'll find the right match and all the happiness your sweet, finicky, heart deserves.
Okay, I was working on writing something today at work, but it's not really done and it's not really going anywhere. I'm percolating some stuff, but I have to put it kinda aside (and kinda not really) for those damn final papers that are still pending. I'm hoping to get the Friday paper done by Thursday so I can hand them in and not have to worry, but I also don't work Thursday, so I could use the whole day (minus exam and paper-handing in time) to write Friday's paper. We'll see what tomorrow brings.
I'm off to bed. I want to have a full day available to me tomorrow if I can.
I'm off to bed. I want to have a full day available to me tomorrow if I can.
Jen, you get equally turned on by physical appearance and environment
People who are equally turned on by a person's physical appearance and environmental factors will often find someone more, or less, attractive depending on the situation or environment.
When you get turned on, it's purely physiological — you simply can't help it. It's involuntary and seems to happen out of nowhere, but rest assured, it's definitely not random. There are reasons you react the way you do around certain people and this report will help you understand the who, what and why behind that.
Relative to other people, your test scores indicate that you're turned on primarily by a man's personality. This doesn't mean his looks or other attributes aren't important — they most definitely are. But chances are that unless he has a rich inner life, you won't feel that initial spark of desire.
This is because what you want most of all is a deep psychological connection.
Being personality-driven has a certain vulnerability attached to it since it forces you to share a part of yourself as well. It also implies that you value meaningful connections requiring some emotional investment — you simply aren't satisfied with light and surface relationships.
This attraction has some major advantages. Being turned on by traits you value and want in a person will not only reel you in for the short term, but it can set you up for the long term. You appreciate those characteristics that actually improve as time goes on....
Report continues...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your emotional investment can be measured by two factors, intensity and variety.
Intensity measures how much you let someone who turns you on get to you. How deep are your feelings towards people? Do you get swept away thinking about the object of your desire? The extreme end of this spectrum is obsession — people who actually lose sight of anything but the person they've fixated on. But for the most part, by "intensity," we're simply referring to how emotionally invested you tend to get with each and every crush.
Variety measures how many people — and how many types of people — you allow get to you. Do you find yourself attracted to people left and right? Are all kinds of people turning your head or are you more selective? Do you see your romantic potentials swimming in a huge sea or a small pond?
Based on what you told Emode in your test, here's how you scored:
You are surprisingly balanced in these two areas. In other words, you go as deep as you go wide — the energy you put into attractions sits right in the middle of the two extremes. This is a good combo since you aren't invested enough to be a total obsessive and you're selective enough that you're not attracted to everything walking by. Even with a fortunate situation like this, however, you're not a superhero who's immune to lust. Don't be surprised if the balance tips every now and again! ...
Report continues...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You're not alone in the world. Take a look at how other test takers answered questions about what turns them on — hopefully, they'll give you a sense that other people get turned on by similar things you do.
I can't enjoy sex with someone who isn't my intellectual equal.
[graph removed]
People who are equally turned on by a person's physical appearance and environmental factors will often find someone more, or less, attractive depending on the situation or environment.
When you get turned on, it's purely physiological — you simply can't help it. It's involuntary and seems to happen out of nowhere, but rest assured, it's definitely not random. There are reasons you react the way you do around certain people and this report will help you understand the who, what and why behind that.
Relative to other people, your test scores indicate that you're turned on primarily by a man's personality. This doesn't mean his looks or other attributes aren't important — they most definitely are. But chances are that unless he has a rich inner life, you won't feel that initial spark of desire.
This is because what you want most of all is a deep psychological connection.
Being personality-driven has a certain vulnerability attached to it since it forces you to share a part of yourself as well. It also implies that you value meaningful connections requiring some emotional investment — you simply aren't satisfied with light and surface relationships.
This attraction has some major advantages. Being turned on by traits you value and want in a person will not only reel you in for the short term, but it can set you up for the long term. You appreciate those characteristics that actually improve as time goes on....
Report continues...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your emotional investment can be measured by two factors, intensity and variety.
Intensity measures how much you let someone who turns you on get to you. How deep are your feelings towards people? Do you get swept away thinking about the object of your desire? The extreme end of this spectrum is obsession — people who actually lose sight of anything but the person they've fixated on. But for the most part, by "intensity," we're simply referring to how emotionally invested you tend to get with each and every crush.
Variety measures how many people — and how many types of people — you allow get to you. Do you find yourself attracted to people left and right? Are all kinds of people turning your head or are you more selective? Do you see your romantic potentials swimming in a huge sea or a small pond?
Based on what you told Emode in your test, here's how you scored:
You are surprisingly balanced in these two areas. In other words, you go as deep as you go wide — the energy you put into attractions sits right in the middle of the two extremes. This is a good combo since you aren't invested enough to be a total obsessive and you're selective enough that you're not attracted to everything walking by. Even with a fortunate situation like this, however, you're not a superhero who's immune to lust. Don't be surprised if the balance tips every now and again! ...
Report continues...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You're not alone in the world. Take a look at how other test takers answered questions about what turns them on — hopefully, they'll give you a sense that other people get turned on by similar things you do.
I can't enjoy sex with someone who isn't my intellectual equal.
[graph removed]
2002/04/22
| APRIL | What? | Done? |
|---|---|---|
| The 2nd | Register for fall/winter semester | YES! |
| The 8th | Qualitative Methods presentations (group) | YES! |
| The 8th | Qualitative Methods take-home due | YES! |
| The 9th | Culture jamming project due (advertising) | YES! |
| The 11th | Group dynamics presentation | YES! |
| The 11th | Final reflection paper due (last day) | YES! |
| The 11th | Negotiation assignment due | YES! |
| The 11th | Negotiation assignment due | YES! |
| The 16th | Media Industries due before noon | YES! |
| The 17th | Media Industries presentation (long story) | YES! |
| The 22th | Ad techniques midterm due (take-home) | YES! |
| The 25th | Group dynamics paper due (10-12 pages) (group) | YES! |
| The 25th | Qualitative methods midterm (what's the point?!) | YES! |
| The 26th | Negotiation take-home due (take-home) | YES! |
2002/04/19
Need to go to sleep, but not tired.... lalalalala.... happy and wired and happy and lalalalalala.... play some cards (I like Spider Solitaire, and I found a free comprehensive version, lots of other versions to play too)... then go to bed. Wheee!
Try to write a paper tomorrow so I can get started on another one (group paper). Argh! Le suckage. But still a happy mood. :)
Try to write a paper tomorrow so I can get started on another one (group paper). Argh! Le suckage. But still a happy mood. :)
2002/04/18
Today is going to be a good and beautiful and lazy day. I'm redyeing my hair right now, so we'll go back to the dark for a bit... again not permanent. I'm not sure if I got the same colour as last time or not, so we'll see how it works out.
Today is going to be a naked day, with a nice facial, go hang out outside with the cats and a good book and just relax. Maybe I'll get around to work on a paper or cleaning my room (before it buries me, which is a distinct possibility), but for now I'm just going to enjoy having slept in nice and late and just relax for a bit. :)
Eesh. First paper is due the 22nd, that means I can't relax *all* weekend... guess that's what Saturday and Sunday night are going to be devoted to. :)
Ah well... relax! :)
Today is going to be a naked day, with a nice facial, go hang out outside with the cats and a good book and just relax. Maybe I'll get around to work on a paper or cleaning my room (before it buries me, which is a distinct possibility), but for now I'm just going to enjoy having slept in nice and late and just relax for a bit. :)
Eesh. First paper is due the 22nd, that means I can't relax *all* weekend... guess that's what Saturday and Sunday night are going to be devoted to. :)
Ah well... relax! :)
2002/04/17
#1
which 80s hair band are you?
this quiz was made by colleen
#2
which 80s hair band are you?
this quiz was made by colleen
# 3
which 80s hair band are you?
this quiz was made by colleen
And there are lots of others, but I'm not posting them. I hate when quizzes give you multiple reponses :P
which 80s hair band are you?
this quiz was made by colleen
#2
which 80s hair band are you?
this quiz was made by colleen
# 3
which 80s hair band are you?
this quiz was made by colleen
And there are lots of others, but I'm not posting them. I hate when quizzes give you multiple reponses :P
Okay, the work happenings. So there are two guys here that are kinda cute, neither of whom work in radio, like me -- this is good. :) One is T, the other is C. Have had some conversations with T, he doesn't work here that much, he's a quiet one, but pretty smart. When I'm around and he's around, he'll touch me on the back or whatever when he passes me -- he's poked me in the side or something a few times as well. He went over to Rideau Centre one time and asked me to go with him, so that was kinda nice.
He showed up at work on Sunday, which I always work. He works at a local men's shelter, and he came by 'cause he said he didn't want to use the washrooms there. Understandable. :) I was working, hanging around downstairs a bunch 'cause I was bored and the guys downstairs were being entertaining. He came back later, as I was leaving; I don't know if that had anything to do with my presence or not, but hey, it's fun to dream.
The other guy, C... well, on Sunday I was wearing my kitten shirt, and no bra. I just didn't feel like it, and since my breasts are small- to average-sized, I go braless sometimes just for a change. So anyhow, with C... he'll usually say hi to me when I'm around, pat me on the back or something like that. Sunday night, he came out and put an arm around me, then gave me a hug (not a first, I don't think), and was patting my back a bit... then discovers I'm not wearing a bra. He says something like "heyy..." and starts to drag me off to this little hallway area, behind a door. I was laughing, thought it was kinda funny, but I had to get upstairs 'cause I thought I had like, 40 seconds left in my segment. After he released me and I took off upstairs, he was saying something about wanting to see me run or whatever, no big deal.
Then, I tell one of the security guards or someone that I wanted to give him a hug; I figured I'd grab his butt 'cause somehow I thought it would embarrass him. Right. He comes out later and says something like, "Oh, you just want to rub those big, beautiful breasts against me", and gives me a hug and starts kinda moving up and down a bit and rubbing himself against me. I was somewhat surprised by this, and I could tell he was rather enjoying himself... to put it very politely. At one point, he's got his arms around me, and he looks down at my breasts and says something about how they truly are fantastic and whatnot, and I think he said something about how he really liked them -- I thought perhaps he was referring to my nipples being hard, which I figured they would be since I was being rubbed -- and I said something about how I liked his too, referring to his hardon. I figured hey, I'd acknowledge it and see how he reacted. He made some comment about it and adjusted himself a few times.
Let's see... at one point, I kinda lifted one leg up, and he lifted me around his waist, but I slid back down immediately, and managed to ...umm... hook? ... his cap'n happy (hooray for euphemisms). I figured that had to be uncomfortable.
Oh yeah, and at some other point, he was lifting up his shirt somewhat and talking about feeling my breasts skin-to-skin, like against his chest, but I wouldn't. I just gave him a regular hug. Another point when he was hugging me he kept pulling my shirt taught in back, and I don't really know why, what that proved, but ah well.
He said the next day that he wouldn't give me a hug that day 'cause he was wearing pants that were too baggy, and how that wouldn't be good. Then on Tuesday I saw him wearing cords, and asked if I was going to get a hug that day... he said no, 'cause cords were still too baggy. I was at the front desk at one point, and he came and stood behind me and put his arms on other side of me, caging me in, and said that he couldn't hug me when he was wearing cords 'cause walking back into the work area with a hardon would be a bad idea, or something to that effect. One of the ladies at the desk, H, gave me kind of a weird look when he was standing behind me, and I don't know if it was because of her hearing what he said, or just him being around me like that.
Oh yeah, also Sunday night I was making some joking comments about how if I could have that kind of an effect when I was just hugging him, imagine what else I could do, and he just kinda shrugged and made some noise as if to say, "yeah, imagine."
Weird times. The situation itself doesn't bother me, and I have always thought he was cute, but it does bother me that the only time he'd 'notice' me would be after he realized that I had nice breasts. I'd rather, as I have said before, be noticed because I'm smart, attractive, interesting, whatever... not just 'cause of one body part. Ah well. It was entertaining and somewhat flattering, I guess.
He showed up at work on Sunday, which I always work. He works at a local men's shelter, and he came by 'cause he said he didn't want to use the washrooms there. Understandable. :) I was working, hanging around downstairs a bunch 'cause I was bored and the guys downstairs were being entertaining. He came back later, as I was leaving; I don't know if that had anything to do with my presence or not, but hey, it's fun to dream.
The other guy, C... well, on Sunday I was wearing my kitten shirt, and no bra. I just didn't feel like it, and since my breasts are small- to average-sized, I go braless sometimes just for a change. So anyhow, with C... he'll usually say hi to me when I'm around, pat me on the back or something like that. Sunday night, he came out and put an arm around me, then gave me a hug (not a first, I don't think), and was patting my back a bit... then discovers I'm not wearing a bra. He says something like "heyy..." and starts to drag me off to this little hallway area, behind a door. I was laughing, thought it was kinda funny, but I had to get upstairs 'cause I thought I had like, 40 seconds left in my segment. After he released me and I took off upstairs, he was saying something about wanting to see me run or whatever, no big deal.
Then, I tell one of the security guards or someone that I wanted to give him a hug; I figured I'd grab his butt 'cause somehow I thought it would embarrass him. Right. He comes out later and says something like, "Oh, you just want to rub those big, beautiful breasts against me", and gives me a hug and starts kinda moving up and down a bit and rubbing himself against me. I was somewhat surprised by this, and I could tell he was rather enjoying himself... to put it very politely. At one point, he's got his arms around me, and he looks down at my breasts and says something about how they truly are fantastic and whatnot, and I think he said something about how he really liked them -- I thought perhaps he was referring to my nipples being hard, which I figured they would be since I was being rubbed -- and I said something about how I liked his too, referring to his hardon. I figured hey, I'd acknowledge it and see how he reacted. He made some comment about it and adjusted himself a few times.
Let's see... at one point, I kinda lifted one leg up, and he lifted me around his waist, but I slid back down immediately, and managed to ...umm... hook? ... his cap'n happy (hooray for euphemisms). I figured that had to be uncomfortable.
Oh yeah, and at some other point, he was lifting up his shirt somewhat and talking about feeling my breasts skin-to-skin, like against his chest, but I wouldn't. I just gave him a regular hug. Another point when he was hugging me he kept pulling my shirt taught in back, and I don't really know why, what that proved, but ah well.
He said the next day that he wouldn't give me a hug that day 'cause he was wearing pants that were too baggy, and how that wouldn't be good. Then on Tuesday I saw him wearing cords, and asked if I was going to get a hug that day... he said no, 'cause cords were still too baggy. I was at the front desk at one point, and he came and stood behind me and put his arms on other side of me, caging me in, and said that he couldn't hug me when he was wearing cords 'cause walking back into the work area with a hardon would be a bad idea, or something to that effect. One of the ladies at the desk, H, gave me kind of a weird look when he was standing behind me, and I don't know if it was because of her hearing what he said, or just him being around me like that.
Oh yeah, also Sunday night I was making some joking comments about how if I could have that kind of an effect when I was just hugging him, imagine what else I could do, and he just kinda shrugged and made some noise as if to say, "yeah, imagine."
Weird times. The situation itself doesn't bother me, and I have always thought he was cute, but it does bother me that the only time he'd 'notice' me would be after he realized that I had nice breasts. I'd rather, as I have said before, be noticed because I'm smart, attractive, interesting, whatever... not just 'cause of one body part. Ah well. It was entertaining and somewhat flattering, I guess.
Ah, that's a relief and a half. I was a lot less nervous presenting in front of just the prof than I was at presenting in front of the class, but not a bad nervous... I like presenting, as long as I feel confident about my stuff.
I was concerned that what I had contributed to the paper wasn't media-focused enough, that it wasn't intellectual enough -- too advertising, feministy. But the prof said he liked how we had concrete examples to tie to our concepts... so what I was saying was backed up visually, and that was good. Yay me! :)
I was concerned that what I had contributed to the paper wasn't media-focused enough, that it wasn't intellectual enough -- too advertising, feministy. But the prof said he liked how we had concrete examples to tie to our concepts... so what I was saying was backed up visually, and that was good. Yay me! :)
I promise, there will be an update soon! I just have one more presentation to hand in, then most of my stuff is solo work... well, minus the group dynamics paper, but that shouldn't be *too* difficult, I hope.
Getting together with the pizza guy tomorrow night... we had a nice, honest conversation on Monday -- I finally admitted to some things that I should've a long time ago... no, nothing insiduous, just to do with our sex life, and I'll go into more detail a bit later.
Same deal with the coworker... told him the reason I didn't want to do anything other than sleep at the Christmas party was because I felt weird about it with the ex- being in town. I though the coworker would get annoyed/upset with that reason, thinking I was just making an excuse or wouldn't understand why.
Anyhow, those are just a few random ones I wanted to write before I forgot. I'll write more about the guy at work later today, and just some other general ramblings. :)
And yes, please feel free to fill up my comments sections -- it gives me something to read on my site, which is fun. :)
Getting together with the pizza guy tomorrow night... we had a nice, honest conversation on Monday -- I finally admitted to some things that I should've a long time ago... no, nothing insiduous, just to do with our sex life, and I'll go into more detail a bit later.
Same deal with the coworker... told him the reason I didn't want to do anything other than sleep at the Christmas party was because I felt weird about it with the ex- being in town. I though the coworker would get annoyed/upset with that reason, thinking I was just making an excuse or wouldn't understand why.
Anyhow, those are just a few random ones I wanted to write before I forgot. I'll write more about the guy at work later today, and just some other general ramblings. :)
And yes, please feel free to fill up my comments sections -- it gives me something to read on my site, which is fun. :)
2002/04/16
| APRIL | What? | Done? |
|---|---|---|
| The 2nd | Register for fall/winter semester | YES! |
| The 8th | Qualitative Methods presentations (group) | YES! |
| The 8th | Qualitative Methods take-home due | YES! |
| The 9th | Culture jamming project due (advertising) | YES! |
| The 11th | Group dynamics presentation | YES! |
| The 11th | Final reflection paper due (last day) | YES! |
| The 11th | Negotiation assignment due | YES! |
| The 11th | Negotiation assignment due | YES! |
| The 16th | Media Industries due before noon | YES! |
| The 17th | Media Industries presentation (long story) | YES! |
| The 22th | Ad techniques midterm due (take-home) | |
| The 25th | Group dynamics paper due (10-12 pages) (group) | |
| The 25th | Qualitative methods midterm (what's the point?!) | |
| The 26th | Negotiation take-home due (take-home) |
2002/04/15
Excellent! Stealing more ideas from Di's site... 'cause I'm a bitch that way. :) Now you can post comments on the stuff I write, in case you're too uncomfortable with leaving a guestbook entry. :)
Anyhow, gotta write some stuff on last night's happenings at work, but a paper unfortunately takes precedence. :P Did a bunch of arranging on it last night, now I just have to write the discussion part. Stop procrastinating!
Okay, no more solitaire games, either. I'm off. :)
Anyhow, gotta write some stuff on last night's happenings at work, but a paper unfortunately takes precedence. :P Did a bunch of arranging on it last night, now I just have to write the discussion part. Stop procrastinating!
Okay, no more solitaire games, either. I'm off. :)
2002/04/14
2002/04/13
He says he loves giving oral sex, that it's yummy. Says he always always liked it.
Why did I never get that impression? Especially way back when. I think it's just 'cause he got the ex-virgin (my new name for her) off that way... that, and through pen.
Who thought it would be some great cosmic joke for me to have a great, healthy (some say abnormal) interest in sex and for me to be so difficult? *sigh*
Why did I never get that impression? Especially way back when. I think it's just 'cause he got the ex-virgin (my new name for her) off that way... that, and through pen.
Who thought it would be some great cosmic joke for me to have a great, healthy (some say abnormal) interest in sex and for me to be so difficult? *sigh*
2002/04/11
I want to change the way I look. I want to change the way I act, the way I think (maybe), the way I feel. I want to be someone else, and I want to just forget about this person, 'cause sometimes I really don't like her.
Do I want the ex- just because I can't have him? Sometimes I can sit and listen to him talking about things to do with his gf and I'm okay and it doesn't hurt, and yet when I think about it I feel sick inside and I hate her and last night I even had a brief thought that I hated him.
I know he hasn't done anything that I've already done twice or more, but it still sucks and it still hurts and I want to stop feeling. I want to stop hurting over Chloë being gone and I want to stop hurting about how the ex- keeps messing with my head and I want to stop hurting about how I've hurt others.
Sometimes I fear I'm a champion head-fucker.
I want to stop feeling stressed and uncertain and upset and sick and stupid and useless.
I want to be in love and I want to be single and I want to date people and I want to be in a settled relationship. I want to love someone that loves me back and I want to want to be with them and stop wondering about other people and just be happy. I want to be with someone that satisfies me, physically and intellectually and emotionally and I want to be that person to someone else. I want to stop feeling like a freak because I'm not engaged or even looking at the possibility for a long time. I want to have a normal relationship.
I want to be happy. I haven't been happy in a long time. I was in a good mood for a part of Monday, and it felt so strange. I've just been existing for a long time; going from day to day. I wish I could go back to the beginning of the summer when all of this began and just start over.
I've long enjoyed stories of couples that got separated and managed to find each other again and be happy together. I want to have that... but I don't know if I can be happy when we're still in touch and I don't want to give up talking. They (who?) says absence makes the heart grow fonder, but sometimes it just allows the heart to find someone else because you're lonely or horny.
I want to stop being a freak and I want to be normal and maybe stop shocking people and stand out more because I blend in too much already. I want to be seen because I'm attractive, appreciated because I'm intelligent, enjoyed because I'm funny and loved because I'm lovable. I want time to pass so that I can live life and then find my soul mate, my other half, and know that everything will be okay in the long run, even if there are problems between now and then.
I want to be able to churn out papers as quickly as I can churn out things like this. ;)
I want to go away, to another city, where I don't have memories... where I don't live in the same area where I lost two cats, where I live five minutes from my ex's house, where I walk or drive past it when I'm going through parts of my neighbourhood... where I don't live five minutes from another 'ex's' work.
I want to know what inside my head. I want to have the answers that are hidden inside my head somewhere, and I want to be able to work with them.
Most of all, I want to be happy. Wish I knew when that was going to happen again. I wish I'd stop feeling like it's all tied into having a normal relationship with someone. That, and I wish I'd stop being interested in people that have girlfriends/significant others/friends with privileges/casual acquaintances (don't ask). I want my cat back. I think that would be a good start... I can live without the relationships.
Do I want the ex- just because I can't have him? Sometimes I can sit and listen to him talking about things to do with his gf and I'm okay and it doesn't hurt, and yet when I think about it I feel sick inside and I hate her and last night I even had a brief thought that I hated him.
I know he hasn't done anything that I've already done twice or more, but it still sucks and it still hurts and I want to stop feeling. I want to stop hurting over Chloë being gone and I want to stop hurting about how the ex- keeps messing with my head and I want to stop hurting about how I've hurt others.
Sometimes I fear I'm a champion head-fucker.
I want to stop feeling stressed and uncertain and upset and sick and stupid and useless.
I want to be in love and I want to be single and I want to date people and I want to be in a settled relationship. I want to love someone that loves me back and I want to want to be with them and stop wondering about other people and just be happy. I want to be with someone that satisfies me, physically and intellectually and emotionally and I want to be that person to someone else. I want to stop feeling like a freak because I'm not engaged or even looking at the possibility for a long time. I want to have a normal relationship.
I want to be happy. I haven't been happy in a long time. I was in a good mood for a part of Monday, and it felt so strange. I've just been existing for a long time; going from day to day. I wish I could go back to the beginning of the summer when all of this began and just start over.
I've long enjoyed stories of couples that got separated and managed to find each other again and be happy together. I want to have that... but I don't know if I can be happy when we're still in touch and I don't want to give up talking. They (who?) says absence makes the heart grow fonder, but sometimes it just allows the heart to find someone else because you're lonely or horny.
I want to stop being a freak and I want to be normal and maybe stop shocking people and stand out more because I blend in too much already. I want to be seen because I'm attractive, appreciated because I'm intelligent, enjoyed because I'm funny and loved because I'm lovable. I want time to pass so that I can live life and then find my soul mate, my other half, and know that everything will be okay in the long run, even if there are problems between now and then.
I want to be able to churn out papers as quickly as I can churn out things like this. ;)
I want to go away, to another city, where I don't have memories... where I don't live in the same area where I lost two cats, where I live five minutes from my ex's house, where I walk or drive past it when I'm going through parts of my neighbourhood... where I don't live five minutes from another 'ex's' work.
I want to know what inside my head. I want to have the answers that are hidden inside my head somewhere, and I want to be able to work with them.
Most of all, I want to be happy. Wish I knew when that was going to happen again. I wish I'd stop feeling like it's all tied into having a normal relationship with someone. That, and I wish I'd stop being interested in people that have girlfriends/significant others/friends with privileges/casual acquaintances (don't ask). I want my cat back. I think that would be a good start... I can live without the relationships.
2002/04/10
So, the Media Industries presentation that I slaved over, that I spent three and a half, four hours last night designing? Well, the damn floppy wouldn't load on the damn computer, so we couldn't go! Argh! Fuck. :P
Fucking fuck fuck. That's about the most I can articulate right now... and I still have papers to write... so I'll update this instead. :)
I've felt physically crappy for the last several days, and it's no good. I was so tired today that if anyone had said anything remotely teasing-mean to me, I would have cried. Even just thinking about how easily I could cry made me want to cry. I got a good nap on the bus though, so I feel better. Still feel kinda physically unsettled, but better than I've felt the last few days.
We have to present during his office hours sometime next week, so that's not *too* bad... it means he won't be able to ask us if we're going to cover a certain topic in our paper, 'cause it'll already have been written. ;)
Anyhow, gotta get to work... nutty weekend means little time for school. :P
Fucking fuck fuck. That's about the most I can articulate right now... and I still have papers to write... so I'll update this instead. :)
I've felt physically crappy for the last several days, and it's no good. I was so tired today that if anyone had said anything remotely teasing-mean to me, I would have cried. Even just thinking about how easily I could cry made me want to cry. I got a good nap on the bus though, so I feel better. Still feel kinda physically unsettled, but better than I've felt the last few days.
We have to present during his office hours sometime next week, so that's not *too* bad... it means he won't be able to ask us if we're going to cover a certain topic in our paper, 'cause it'll already have been written. ;)
Anyhow, gotta get to work... nutty weekend means little time for school. :P
2002/04/09
Group members for Wednesday's presentation are coming around, so that's good. Hopefully I can get a bunch of work done today, and get more or less finished for my week. I have about three different things I'm going to try to get done today, and one paper that requires a textbook I have at home, so I may end up doing it tomorrow.
That's my neurotic life for now. ;)
That's my neurotic life for now. ;)
There we go, fiddled a bit with the links and cleaned some stuff up. Didn't realize I had two archives links there, and it took me about ten or fifteen minutes of playing to fix *that* up, which was pretty stupid.
Two days of classes left, since my class on the 15th was cancelled. Good news, kinda. The week worsens, as my tally shows. *sigh* At least my media industries group seems like it *might* be coming around. We'll see tomorrow; I kinda don't care anymore.
I envy Sami; she's got her own condo! Damn. In Toronto, too, which is pretty sweet all around. She's going to the same uni as the ex- next year, so maybe she can go kick some sense into him (and then me). :)
Feeling kinda crummy today. :( Some hungry, some nausea... all signs point to a pretty awful period on the horizon. Hooray (and the crowd goes wild... yay!).
I had something quick to write about here, but now I've totally forgotten what it was. Looking into belly dance lessons for the summer. :) Or kickboxing, maybe both. Get some fun, get some exercise.
Oh no... Shadow's settled on my lap. No leaving, even though I'm running behind... getting cuddled.
Two days of classes left, since my class on the 15th was cancelled. Good news, kinda. The week worsens, as my tally shows. *sigh* At least my media industries group seems like it *might* be coming around. We'll see tomorrow; I kinda don't care anymore.
I envy Sami; she's got her own condo! Damn. In Toronto, too, which is pretty sweet all around. She's going to the same uni as the ex- next year, so maybe she can go kick some sense into him (and then me). :)
Feeling kinda crummy today. :( Some hungry, some nausea... all signs point to a pretty awful period on the horizon. Hooray (and the crowd goes wild... yay!).
I had something quick to write about here, but now I've totally forgotten what it was. Looking into belly dance lessons for the summer. :) Or kickboxing, maybe both. Get some fun, get some exercise.
Oh no... Shadow's settled on my lap. No leaving, even though I'm running behind... getting cuddled.
2002/04/08
| APRIL | What? | Done? |
|---|---|---|
| The 2nd | Register for fall/winter semester | YES! |
| The 8th | Qualitative Methods presentations (group) | YES! |
| The 8th | Qualitative Methods take-home due | YES! |
| The 9th | Culture jamming project due (advertising) | YES! |
| The 11th | Group dynamics presentation | |
| The 11th | Final reflection paper due (last day) | |
| The 11th | Negotiation assignment due | |
| The 16th | Media Industries due before noon (20-25 pages) (in threes) | |
| The 22th | Ad techniques midterm due (take-home) | |
| The 25th | Group dynamics paper due (10-12 pages) (group) | |
| The 25th | Qualitative methods midterm (written... 30 multichoice questions... what's the point?!) | |
| The 26th | Negotiation take-home due (take-home) |
I was just over playing Dinomite at PopCap.com (a great place to waste time), and I was remembering playing the equivalent game on Super NES over at the ex's place... and I just felt like, hmm... how to articulate. Basically, that I really enjoyed that kind of time he and I would spend together, and I miss it, and I want that kind of time with him, and I don't want him to have it with someone else. Like his previously virgin girlfriend. *sigh*
But I'm not going to talk about that now... it's still too new, if nothing else. I just don't have it in me to write about it, the same way I didn't have it in me to write about Chloë's disappearance for quite some time. Saturday marks the 6-month of that event.
But I'm not going to talk about that now... it's still too new, if nothing else. I just don't have it in me to write about it, the same way I didn't have it in me to write about Chloë's disappearance for quite some time. Saturday marks the 6-month of that event.
2002/04/07
Sorry, to clarify: the ex- slept with his girlfriend. Left me feeling rather upset, namely because I felt like he'd totally misled me. However, I don't want to talk about that. I'm going to post up the blog that I wrote on Thursday in my two classes.
First, however... just finished reading a good article on Non-Mainstream Body Modification, by James Myers. The full title for the article is "Nonmainstream Body Modification: Genital Piercing, Branding, Burning, and Cutting." Don't worry, it's not genital branding or genital burning. ;) It's from the Journal of Contemporary Ethnography, Vol. 21, No. 3, October 1992 pp 267-302, Sage Publications. It's pretty well done, considering the author describes procedures in such a way as you don't feel sickened, it's not horribly graphic. The other thing is that he is completely non-judgemental, and almost seems to be trying to dissuade critics from judging the people who do engage in such activities.
Also, the BBQ Chicken pizza from Little Caesars is quite tasty. :)
Oh yeah... went and saw Bowser and Blue last night. Great fun; I was able to pick up a few of their CDs that I don't have, and I even got one signed! Yay, funny! :)
Anyhow, on to the post (which touches on stuff I'd said I wanted to write about last week):
Now that I want to write, my brain is frozen.
My growing nails kinda dig into my palm when I hold my pen and it feels weird.
My stomach feels blah. I think the greasy pizza (from the Pizza Pizza on campus) was a bad idea. Uck.
I went out a couple of weeks ago with the coworker, one of his roommate, and another guy from work, someone about my age. He'd had some personal problems, so he needed a partying night, and he really had one. :) We were dancing together at one point, and he was grinding against me a bit (he'd turned me so that I was grinding into him for awhile)...nothing really dirty, but I noticed it. I like him; he's a cutie. :)
Speaking of cuties (read: hotties), the band, two members in particular, were drool-worthy... lick-worthy. In spades. :) One was blond, with medium-length curly hair, and the other guy had short, short black hair and a nicely-kept goatee. I was watching these guys and just fantasizing a bit (and getting turned on, with the assistance of alcohol), and then after awhile I started getting grumpy/disappointed because they never looked over in my direction. At one point, I was sitting withint arm's reach of the blond hottie (during a break), and he never even looked over in my direction. I started thinking to myself, "Oh, it doesn't matter, they wouldn't like me anyways, I have a fat body and piercings and therea re so many more attractive girls here anyways..." and basically depressed myself. I do that a fair bit sometimes; talk myself into being depressed, or convincing myself that I'm unattractive, and/or useless. It's a self defeatist attitude, and I'm trying to change it. I can't help but think that losing some weight would help my attitude, but I also feel it should come from within, not just an external change. I think it's because I've read so much stuff about how people with a really bad self-image will always find something that they hate about themselves to focus on... like if I lost weight and got happy with my size, I'd find something else to focus on and hate about myself.
I started writing something earlier about my body:
Sometimes I look in the mirror, and I like what I see. I look at my hair and admire its body, shine and colour. I look at my eyes, and I like their size, shape, and colour. I look at my face as a whole and think of how it works well as a whole.
I might look at how my earrings peek from behind my hair (one hole in each ear), and admire that for a second or two.
I'll move down from my face to my chest, look at the swells of my breasts, and where they sit on my chest. Sometimes I'll push them together to create cleavage, or lift them up to look at the little freckle underneath one. I'll trace the area where the underneath of my breasts meets my torso, and feel the warmed skin. I'll look at my nipples, and see the pinkness of them against the whiteness of my skin. I like the size of my nipples, their colour, and their sensitivity. They do not repond well to being pinched or pulled, but if they are played with nicely, they can stand to be stimulated for long periods of time.
Sometimes I wish I had larger breasts. I used to more often, but I read a book last summer that was entitled Breasts, and I determined that I have average-sized breasts. They have been described as perfect by a few people, from both people who have and have not seen them naked. They are a handful; soft, perky, and I like them.
My waist, hips and thighs bother me, but less so when I am standing, facing a mirror than when I am sideways or crouching or kneeling. My hope is that this summer I reall do work out and tone up. I think it will become a goal for me.
My legs are okay. They carry a little too much weight now, and one ankle sports a tattoo. I used to be very proud of my legs (and my ex- was really into them, which I loved), but I don't really give them much thought anymore, especially as it's winter (and last summer was quite cold) and I'm rarely sans socks, which shorten and thicken my legs.
I tend not to look much at my feet, but I like them; they're cute. My forearms are okay as well, but thin and freckly (which doesn't bother me). I'm not fond of my fingers, I find them stocky, but they don't bother me too much.
My entire body is quite pale, year round. I don't get much time outside, regardless of the weather, mainly because I work indoors during the day.
Overall, my perusal leaves me feeling good at times, and disappointed other times. I'm hoping to move myself to the point where I am spending more time pleased than displeased.
First, however... just finished reading a good article on Non-Mainstream Body Modification, by James Myers. The full title for the article is "Nonmainstream Body Modification: Genital Piercing, Branding, Burning, and Cutting." Don't worry, it's not genital branding or genital burning. ;) It's from the Journal of Contemporary Ethnography, Vol. 21, No. 3, October 1992 pp 267-302, Sage Publications. It's pretty well done, considering the author describes procedures in such a way as you don't feel sickened, it's not horribly graphic. The other thing is that he is completely non-judgemental, and almost seems to be trying to dissuade critics from judging the people who do engage in such activities.
Also, the BBQ Chicken pizza from Little Caesars is quite tasty. :)
Oh yeah... went and saw Bowser and Blue last night. Great fun; I was able to pick up a few of their CDs that I don't have, and I even got one signed! Yay, funny! :)
Anyhow, on to the post (which touches on stuff I'd said I wanted to write about last week):
Now that I want to write, my brain is frozen.
My growing nails kinda dig into my palm when I hold my pen and it feels weird.
My stomach feels blah. I think the greasy pizza (from the Pizza Pizza on campus) was a bad idea. Uck.
I went out a couple of weeks ago with the coworker, one of his roommate, and another guy from work, someone about my age. He'd had some personal problems, so he needed a partying night, and he really had one. :) We were dancing together at one point, and he was grinding against me a bit (he'd turned me so that I was grinding into him for awhile)...nothing really dirty, but I noticed it. I like him; he's a cutie. :)
Speaking of cuties (read: hotties), the band, two members in particular, were drool-worthy... lick-worthy. In spades. :) One was blond, with medium-length curly hair, and the other guy had short, short black hair and a nicely-kept goatee. I was watching these guys and just fantasizing a bit (and getting turned on, with the assistance of alcohol), and then after awhile I started getting grumpy/disappointed because they never looked over in my direction. At one point, I was sitting withint arm's reach of the blond hottie (during a break), and he never even looked over in my direction. I started thinking to myself, "Oh, it doesn't matter, they wouldn't like me anyways, I have a fat body and piercings and therea re so many more attractive girls here anyways..." and basically depressed myself. I do that a fair bit sometimes; talk myself into being depressed, or convincing myself that I'm unattractive, and/or useless. It's a self defeatist attitude, and I'm trying to change it. I can't help but think that losing some weight would help my attitude, but I also feel it should come from within, not just an external change. I think it's because I've read so much stuff about how people with a really bad self-image will always find something that they hate about themselves to focus on... like if I lost weight and got happy with my size, I'd find something else to focus on and hate about myself.
I started writing something earlier about my body:
Sometimes I look in the mirror, and I like what I see. I look at my hair and admire its body, shine and colour. I look at my eyes, and I like their size, shape, and colour. I look at my face as a whole and think of how it works well as a whole.
I might look at how my earrings peek from behind my hair (one hole in each ear), and admire that for a second or two.
I'll move down from my face to my chest, look at the swells of my breasts, and where they sit on my chest. Sometimes I'll push them together to create cleavage, or lift them up to look at the little freckle underneath one. I'll trace the area where the underneath of my breasts meets my torso, and feel the warmed skin. I'll look at my nipples, and see the pinkness of them against the whiteness of my skin. I like the size of my nipples, their colour, and their sensitivity. They do not repond well to being pinched or pulled, but if they are played with nicely, they can stand to be stimulated for long periods of time.
Sometimes I wish I had larger breasts. I used to more often, but I read a book last summer that was entitled Breasts, and I determined that I have average-sized breasts. They have been described as perfect by a few people, from both people who have and have not seen them naked. They are a handful; soft, perky, and I like them.
My waist, hips and thighs bother me, but less so when I am standing, facing a mirror than when I am sideways or crouching or kneeling. My hope is that this summer I reall do work out and tone up. I think it will become a goal for me.
My legs are okay. They carry a little too much weight now, and one ankle sports a tattoo. I used to be very proud of my legs (and my ex- was really into them, which I loved), but I don't really give them much thought anymore, especially as it's winter (and last summer was quite cold) and I'm rarely sans socks, which shorten and thicken my legs.
I tend not to look much at my feet, but I like them; they're cute. My forearms are okay as well, but thin and freckly (which doesn't bother me). I'm not fond of my fingers, I find them stocky, but they don't bother me too much.
My entire body is quite pale, year round. I don't get much time outside, regardless of the weather, mainly because I work indoors during the day.
Overall, my perusal leaves me feeling good at times, and disappointed other times. I'm hoping to move myself to the point where I am spending more time pleased than displeased.
2002/04/06
2002/04/05
Okay, I lied. As you can see, no update. However, I think I'm coming to some conclusions on the whole boy situation (and the friend thing), so we'll see what happens after I talk to the coworker. He'll probably be stupid, but I'm starting to think all boys are stupid.
Okay, okay, I'm kidding. Relax. :) I like boys. Sometimes I'm stupid too. There we go, ass is covered.
Frig, I feel so fat. *sigh* Argh, argh. Get through exams (do some actual freakin' work on the damn things, and then I'll be all set.
I'd like to do something so that my site became more appealing to people. I might play around with the coding, maybe even see about getting my own domain and hosting it myself. That'd be cool, 'cause then I could incorporate pictures and things like that. Pipe dreams, though; I don't have the time to do such a thing. :)
Anyhow... gonna likely have some time to post tomorrow, so I'll type up what I wrote out and with any luck get one of my exams finished -- the one due on Monday. Maybe my ass group members will get their act in gear and do some bloody work! I don't mean that for all the group projects I'm currently in (all what, three million of them?), but at least one of them. :P
Just got a message saying I got a new guestbook signing, so I'm off to read that and hit the sack. If anyone has an ideas for making my site more visible, feel free to email me or leave me a message on my guestbook and make sure I can contact you in return. :)
Btw, I started and finished reading this cool book today... it's called Dead After Dark, and it's a vampire murder mystery love story kind of thing. Pretty absorbing; I'd love to know if the author is going to write a follow up to it, although likely not. It may not lend itself to one very easily. Oddly enough, can't find it on Chapters.ca... I say oddly enough 'cause I bought it at a Chapter store, so I'm a tad surprised. No matter, good book. :)
Anyhow, night night for now. Updates tomorrow. :)
Okay, okay, I'm kidding. Relax. :) I like boys. Sometimes I'm stupid too. There we go, ass is covered.
Frig, I feel so fat. *sigh* Argh, argh. Get through exams (do some actual freakin' work on the damn things, and then I'll be all set.
I'd like to do something so that my site became more appealing to people. I might play around with the coding, maybe even see about getting my own domain and hosting it myself. That'd be cool, 'cause then I could incorporate pictures and things like that. Pipe dreams, though; I don't have the time to do such a thing. :)
Anyhow... gonna likely have some time to post tomorrow, so I'll type up what I wrote out and with any luck get one of my exams finished -- the one due on Monday. Maybe my ass group members will get their act in gear and do some bloody work! I don't mean that for all the group projects I'm currently in (all what, three million of them?), but at least one of them. :P
Just got a message saying I got a new guestbook signing, so I'm off to read that and hit the sack. If anyone has an ideas for making my site more visible, feel free to email me or leave me a message on my guestbook and make sure I can contact you in return. :)
Btw, I started and finished reading this cool book today... it's called Dead After Dark, and it's a vampire murder mystery love story kind of thing. Pretty absorbing; I'd love to know if the author is going to write a follow up to it, although likely not. It may not lend itself to one very easily. Oddly enough, can't find it on Chapters.ca... I say oddly enough 'cause I bought it at a Chapter store, so I'm a tad surprised. No matter, good book. :)
Anyhow, night night for now. Updates tomorrow. :)
Got a nice long article I'll likely cross post from work later today. I wrote it in my classes yesterday, so I'll write it up from work (once I get my act in gear). It includes a discussion on the bar thingy from awhile back... and I also want to write a bit about the H situation, and my thoughts on it from the other day.
So, look forward to some updates in that manner in a bit. :)
So, look forward to some updates in that manner in a bit. :)
2002/04/04
No time for posting, gotta get ready for class, but Shawn from unCultured.com told me that a friend of his from another site is a fan of my postings from unCultured. Very flattering. :)
A quote: "Good stuff man...things look good there now...and that Jen girl is fucking awesome, I just read one of her rants."
*grin* I think the rant that he read was probably the one from March where I was complaining about people judging my sexuality. I cross posted it to here and there, 'cause here is my personal ranting space, and there it fit their 'Things You Don't Know About Me' category. :)
I'm glad that I have a public place to do some writing, voyeuristic and faddish as it may be... I've gotten a few compliments on my writing since I've started doing this, and that's always great. Maybe one day I really will get around to writing a story or something worthwhile. :)
Anyhow, off to fix a broken link of which I was informed, and then shower, wake up, and go to school (yes, in that order). One week and a half left... something like that. Tbe 15th is the last day. Happy dance!
Oh yeah, talked to H yesterday... got me in a weird mood afterwards. I'll talk about that later.
*laugh* Yeah, right. I still have that list of things I have to write about based on the trip to Gracie's a few weeks back. Maybe that's what I'll do in class today.
A quote: "Good stuff man...things look good there now...and that Jen girl is fucking awesome, I just read one of her rants."
*grin* I think the rant that he read was probably the one from March where I was complaining about people judging my sexuality. I cross posted it to here and there, 'cause here is my personal ranting space, and there it fit their 'Things You Don't Know About Me' category. :)
I'm glad that I have a public place to do some writing, voyeuristic and faddish as it may be... I've gotten a few compliments on my writing since I've started doing this, and that's always great. Maybe one day I really will get around to writing a story or something worthwhile. :)
Anyhow, off to fix a broken link of which I was informed, and then shower, wake up, and go to school (yes, in that order). One week and a half left... something like that. Tbe 15th is the last day. Happy dance!
Oh yeah, talked to H yesterday... got me in a weird mood afterwards. I'll talk about that later.
*laugh* Yeah, right. I still have that list of things I have to write about based on the trip to Gracie's a few weeks back. Maybe that's what I'll do in class today.
Ever have one of those times when you hang out talking with someone and your throat gets sore 'cause you've spoken so much?
Yeah. Those are good times. :)
Guy who used to work at the same place as me (he was security) called me up Sunday evening during my shift and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner. I suggested today, we went out to a little Chinese place near Bronson, talked from 7 p.m. until 10 p.m., went to Chapters, kept talking and collecting books (I got out with *ONE* book! This is amazing! Especially as the book was less than $9.00!)... then drove home and talked the whole time.
My throat was drying out when we were at the Chinese place, let alone now. :)
Yeah. Those are good times. :)
Guy who used to work at the same place as me (he was security) called me up Sunday evening during my shift and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner. I suggested today, we went out to a little Chinese place near Bronson, talked from 7 p.m. until 10 p.m., went to Chapters, kept talking and collecting books (I got out with *ONE* book! This is amazing! Especially as the book was less than $9.00!)... then drove home and talked the whole time.
My throat was drying out when we were at the Chinese place, let alone now. :)
2002/04/02
| APRIL | What? | Done? |
|---|---|---|
| The 2nd | Register for fall/winter semester | YES! |
| The 8th | Qualitative Methods presentations (group) | |
| The 8th | Qualitative Methods take-home due | |
| The 9th | Culture jamming project due (advertising) | |
| The 11th | Group dynamics presentation | |
| The 11th | Final reflection paper due (last day) | |
| The 11th | Negotiation assignment due | |
| The 15th | Qualitative Methods presentations (group) | |
| The 16th | Media Industries due before noon (20-25 pages) (in threes) | |
| The 22th | Ad techniques midterm due (take-home) | |
| The 25th | Group dynamics paper due (10-12 pages) (group) | |
| The 25th | Qualitative methods midterm (written... 30 multichoice questions... what's the point?!) | |
| The 26th | Negotiation take-home due (take-home) |
*sigh* Stupid, stupid, stupid... busy. Got an idea for my advertising thingy though, so that's good. The list just keeps growing, doesn't it?
Got the advertising take home today, so I just have to get started on everything -- sent my media industries group some stuff I'd written, so we'll see what they think. Hoepfully they'll like it enough to keep it, 'cause I really don't think that I have it in me to write 7 pages worth of crap, especially on top of all the other crap I have to churn out for the other courses. *sigh* Argh, argh, argh.
That's about it. Nice guy here at work... cutie. Don't know what's going to happen, if anything. Probably nothing. Oh well, that's okay. Keep wanting to email H, but I figure I should get things figured out with the pizza guy before I even try... since R hates me and it would be tough to chill with H if R still hated me. Grow up, boyo. You've done just as bad if not worse. :P
I'm not looking for forgiveness, and I'm not saying I'm a good person for having done it, but... just be more understanding? I don't know.
Coworker's been pissing me off again. Grrr. Punch him in the head! :) When it's good, it's good... when it's not, it really reminds me of The Ex-; the Mark of the Beast. :)
2002/03/31
Trying to keep track of all my work...
*sigh* I need to take time off to do all these assignments, and yet... no time to actually do them. So stupid. On the 2nd I may go to class, leave at 9, then go register at the computer lab (instead of at my damn department!), and then go back to class. Very stupid.
I want to go home. I feel restless and bored and stressed and all sorts of things. I need to figure out what the hell I'm going to do for my culture jamming project, when I'm going to get everything else done and written... and blah. One of the security guards that used to work here called me up this afternoon, so he and I are going to go have dinner on Wednesday. Was very unexpected, but kinda cool. :)
I wish my papers weren't group papers; I don't have the brainpower/creativity to come up with 7 pages of balogna here and there, and I don't like waiting for other people. There's a girl in one of my groups whose English and writing skills just isn't that up to par, so I'm sure I'm going to have to edit her part I think. I don't want to. :(
I'm doing the powerpoint slides for two different groups, too... that's work there. It's not overly tough, but it does take time. Luckily all the papers that I'm presenting (generally) aren't due the same day of the presentation.
Okay, so I don't really have anything to say right now; I'm too restless to really write, and since I have to (kinda) listen to this program, then I can't really read either. Can't concentrate! Argh!
| APRIL | What? | Done? |
|---|---|---|
| The 2nd | Register for fall/winter semester | |
| The 8th | Qualitative Methods presentations (group) | |
| The 9th | Culture jamming project due (advertising) | |
| The 11th | Group dynamics presentation | |
| The 11th | Final reflection paper due (last day) | |
| The 11th | Negotiation assignment due | |
| The 15th | Qualitative Methods presentations (group) | |
| The 16th | Media Industries due before noon (20-25 pages) (in threes) | |
| The 22th | Ad techniques midterm due (take-home) | |
| The 25th | Group dynamics paper due (10-12 pages) (group) | |
| The 26th | Negotiation take-home due (take-home) |
*sigh* I need to take time off to do all these assignments, and yet... no time to actually do them. So stupid. On the 2nd I may go to class, leave at 9, then go register at the computer lab (instead of at my damn department!), and then go back to class. Very stupid.
I want to go home. I feel restless and bored and stressed and all sorts of things. I need to figure out what the hell I'm going to do for my culture jamming project, when I'm going to get everything else done and written... and blah. One of the security guards that used to work here called me up this afternoon, so he and I are going to go have dinner on Wednesday. Was very unexpected, but kinda cool. :)
I wish my papers weren't group papers; I don't have the brainpower/creativity to come up with 7 pages of balogna here and there, and I don't like waiting for other people. There's a girl in one of my groups whose English and writing skills just isn't that up to par, so I'm sure I'm going to have to edit her part I think. I don't want to. :(
I'm doing the powerpoint slides for two different groups, too... that's work there. It's not overly tough, but it does take time. Luckily all the papers that I'm presenting (generally) aren't due the same day of the presentation.
Okay, so I don't really have anything to say right now; I'm too restless to really write, and since I have to (kinda) listen to this program, then I can't really read either. Can't concentrate! Argh!
2002/03/30
I hate when people make jokes that imply that I'm promiscuous. It's something that's bothered me ever since I was young.
For the most part, I've outgrown it... but I was telling the coworker a story about a party I was at once... it was pizza guy's party, and I was drunk (the drunkest I'd been at that point). I met a friend of pizza guy's, and pizza guy had told me a bunch of times that apparently this guy had a big cock (it seems that a bunch of the friend's exes kept telling pizza guy this, without knowing that pizza guy was a friend of his). Okay, fine. So, I'm kinda drunk, I meet this guy, and I say hi to him by saying something along the lines of, 'Hey, nice to meet you. I hear you have a big cock!'
I think it kinda floored him for a second, but he recovered, and said something modest like, 'Yeah, that's what I've been told.' I've since seen the guy a bunch of times, and he's fun. None of pizza guy's close friends are particularly uptight, and from what he'd said of this guy, he could handle the comment. Fine, so maybe I shouldn't have said it, but I was drunk. Sue me. If I'd thought (or been told) that he was offended, I would have gone and apologized, no problem at all.
So I tell coworker this story, and he says, "well, I'm sure you got to see it eventually." WTF? I'd go and check the holdings of the friend of someone I was sleeping with? Yes, I've done a lot of bad things, but I'm trying to fix them, and I'd certainly not do something like that unless I had express permission from the guy I'd been with; you don't do things with your exes friends. That's one of the rules. I'd also not be checking out someone's package like that; not at a party, not unless I was going to be getting that guy off or sleeping with him. That's just not something I do.
Then coworker starts going on about how I talk about sex, like 90% of the time, and how sometimes it's inappropriate... but he won't tell me about any times I've discussed sex when it was inappropriate, except for saying that telling some guy that you've heard he has a big cock is inappropriate. *sigh* Right. So I told him that he probably just wasn't used to being around a girl that could discuss sex maturely and actually have interesting points to make. I'm *ever* so sorry that I am educated about sex. Would it be somehow better if I were one of these chicks that thought that douching with Coke would keep you from getting pregnant?!?
Fuck. I'm so sick of people who can't deal with a girl who can discuss sex intelligently and maturely. I'm so sick of not being taken seriously because I'm young and female and look innocent. I'm so sick of being considered a promiscuous person because I am willing to experiment, enjoy variety, and can talk and joke about sex!
I'm also sick of people more or less saying that if I were in love with the person that I was sleeping with, I wouldn't need to experiment. Fuck that! Don't try to tell me that your sex life is better than mine because you and your girlfriend or boyfriend don't like to tie each other up or use toys or something. You can fucking be in love with someone and still use a blindfold or roleplay or use a vibrator. Just 'cause I've done that doesn't mean that I've never been in love with the person I'm having sex with. Your sex life is not more satisfying than mine because you're content to get ridden or fuck missionary style, maybe with some puppy style thrown in for
those 'special, experimental' nights.
I'm also sick of being considered deviant or weird or abnormal because I do like to experiment and try other things. Just because to me puppy style isn't being risky and non-vanilla doesn't mean that I consider myself better than you because your sex life is tamer than mine. What works for you, works for you. Don't knock what works for me.
I'm not into water sports or scat play, but I try to avoid judging the people that are. If it works for them and they enjoy it, then great. Just don't be upset with me if I turn you down if you ask me to join in. The same way that pizza guy and his friends were about when I turned down smoking up with them; they don't care one way or the other if I do or don't, and there was no pressure to join in. That attitude was incredibly appreciated on my part.
Sorry, got a few rants stored up. I think I'm done. Although the down arrow on this keyboard sticks and that annoys me, but not enough that I'm going to rant about it. :)
For the most part, I've outgrown it... but I was telling the coworker a story about a party I was at once... it was pizza guy's party, and I was drunk (the drunkest I'd been at that point). I met a friend of pizza guy's, and pizza guy had told me a bunch of times that apparently this guy had a big cock (it seems that a bunch of the friend's exes kept telling pizza guy this, without knowing that pizza guy was a friend of his). Okay, fine. So, I'm kinda drunk, I meet this guy, and I say hi to him by saying something along the lines of, 'Hey, nice to meet you. I hear you have a big cock!'
I think it kinda floored him for a second, but he recovered, and said something modest like, 'Yeah, that's what I've been told.' I've since seen the guy a bunch of times, and he's fun. None of pizza guy's close friends are particularly uptight, and from what he'd said of this guy, he could handle the comment. Fine, so maybe I shouldn't have said it, but I was drunk. Sue me. If I'd thought (or been told) that he was offended, I would have gone and apologized, no problem at all.
So I tell coworker this story, and he says, "well, I'm sure you got to see it eventually." WTF? I'd go and check the holdings of the friend of someone I was sleeping with? Yes, I've done a lot of bad things, but I'm trying to fix them, and I'd certainly not do something like that unless I had express permission from the guy I'd been with; you don't do things with your exes friends. That's one of the rules. I'd also not be checking out someone's package like that; not at a party, not unless I was going to be getting that guy off or sleeping with him. That's just not something I do.
Then coworker starts going on about how I talk about sex, like 90% of the time, and how sometimes it's inappropriate... but he won't tell me about any times I've discussed sex when it was inappropriate, except for saying that telling some guy that you've heard he has a big cock is inappropriate. *sigh* Right. So I told him that he probably just wasn't used to being around a girl that could discuss sex maturely and actually have interesting points to make. I'm *ever* so sorry that I am educated about sex. Would it be somehow better if I were one of these chicks that thought that douching with Coke would keep you from getting pregnant?!?
Fuck. I'm so sick of people who can't deal with a girl who can discuss sex intelligently and maturely. I'm so sick of not being taken seriously because I'm young and female and look innocent. I'm so sick of being considered a promiscuous person because I am willing to experiment, enjoy variety, and can talk and joke about sex!
I'm also sick of people more or less saying that if I were in love with the person that I was sleeping with, I wouldn't need to experiment. Fuck that! Don't try to tell me that your sex life is better than mine because you and your girlfriend or boyfriend don't like to tie each other up or use toys or something. You can fucking be in love with someone and still use a blindfold or roleplay or use a vibrator. Just 'cause I've done that doesn't mean that I've never been in love with the person I'm having sex with. Your sex life is not more satisfying than mine because you're content to get ridden or fuck missionary style, maybe with some puppy style thrown in for
those 'special, experimental' nights.
I'm also sick of being considered deviant or weird or abnormal because I do like to experiment and try other things. Just because to me puppy style isn't being risky and non-vanilla doesn't mean that I consider myself better than you because your sex life is tamer than mine. What works for you, works for you. Don't knock what works for me.
I'm not into water sports or scat play, but I try to avoid judging the people that are. If it works for them and they enjoy it, then great. Just don't be upset with me if I turn you down if you ask me to join in. The same way that pizza guy and his friends were about when I turned down smoking up with them; they don't care one way or the other if I do or don't, and there was no pressure to join in. That attitude was incredibly appreciated on my part.
Sorry, got a few rants stored up. I think I'm done. Although the down arrow on this keyboard sticks and that annoys me, but not enough that I'm going to rant about it. :)
2002/03/29
2002/03/28
Chatted with Di for a bit last night; her vote was to email H. I think I will.. just don't want it to seem aggressive, and I think it would be a touch easier to iron out the situation with pizza guy first, since his roommate/H's R hates me, and it would be easier to see her if he didn't. Pizza guy doesn't, but he does.
Can I just run away? Argh. Gotta get ready for the long day (*sigh*)... got invited to go to Montreal tonight, but I can't really skip my class to do it, although I'd dearly love to... gotta keep my deadlines in mind so that I don't keep forgetting about any of them.
Can I just run away? Argh. Gotta get ready for the long day (*sigh*)... got invited to go to Montreal tonight, but I can't really skip my class to do it, although I'd dearly love to... gotta keep my deadlines in mind so that I don't keep forgetting about any of them.
It's an unfair stereotype, and I probably shouldn't be subscribing to it, but... I just sometimes have a hard time believing that guys feel the same way that girls do. I buy into the whole stupid socialization of men, that they're big and tough and strong and manly, and they don't cry... even though I've held four different guys in the last year as they cried.
I've lain in my bed and cried myself nearly ill, unable to get a whole night's sleep because of a guy. I woke up the next morning with eyes swollen to hell... and I have felt this tearing pain as if nothing will ever feel right again. I've broken down, sobbing, because of a guy (and because of a cat), and I just can't imagine a guy feeling the same way. I've been told by guys that they love me, and I guess I just don't imagine them caring the same way that I care. Maybe I just see myself as unloveable, I don't know.
Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying guys can't feel the same way, or lay crying in their beds because their girlfriends broke up with them or something, but... it just feels different, as unfair as that may or may not be.
I've lain in my bed and cried myself nearly ill, unable to get a whole night's sleep because of a guy. I woke up the next morning with eyes swollen to hell... and I have felt this tearing pain as if nothing will ever feel right again. I've broken down, sobbing, because of a guy (and because of a cat), and I just can't imagine a guy feeling the same way. I've been told by guys that they love me, and I guess I just don't imagine them caring the same way that I care. Maybe I just see myself as unloveable, I don't know.
Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying guys can't feel the same way, or lay crying in their beds because their girlfriends broke up with them or something, but... it just feels different, as unfair as that may or may not be.
2002/03/27
SelectSmart.com Selectors # 1http://aintitdeadyet.com/licorice.html
# 2http://aintitdeadyet.com/sour.html
# 3http://aintitdeadyet.com/poprocks.html
# 4http://aintitdeadyet.com/fundip.html
# 5http://aintitdeadyet.com/rock.html
# 6http://aintitdeadyet.com/m&m.html
# 7http://aintitdeadyet.com/milky.html
# 2http://aintitdeadyet.com/sour.html
# 3http://aintitdeadyet.com/poprocks.html
# 4http://aintitdeadyet.com/fundip.html
# 5http://aintitdeadyet.com/rock.html
# 6http://aintitdeadyet.com/m&m.html
# 7http://aintitdeadyet.com/milky.html
2002/03/26
Oops, didn't mean to post that here. Ignore that post... it's supposed to be on unCultured.com.
I need to do updates, but I just haven't felt like writing much over the last little while. I completely avoided my 8:30 class on Tuesday morning; didn't feel like getting up, didn't feel that I needed to be there. Normally I'd get up at 6:30 for it, and leave the house at 7:30... I woke up at 11:30 when my mom called. :) I'm sure that going to bed at 2 didn't help, but I likely could have woken up if I had tried.
Been having arguments/disagreements (not strong enoughto call fights) with the boys: the ex- and the coworker. I went and saw the pizza guy last Wednesday and hung out with him for a bit. Coworker is telling me he wants a defined relationship, because he does't like that we can both just drop each other at a moment's notice with our current arrangement. I'm wondering about telling him that I want some time before I do devote myself to that kind of relationship. I don't know.
The ex- is being kinda frustrating. He's telling me that he misses me and thinks about sleeping with me and blah blah blah... and then is staying with his girlfriend. I told him he keeps headfucking me and it's really pissing me off and I don't want it anymore. He was getting upset with me because last night I didn't have a lot to say to him, and I told him it's 'cause our conversations keep following the same pattern, which is true. I'll log on, and it's like this:
Him: allloooo?
Me: Lo
Him: how goes?
Me: Bleh... (blah blah blah).
Okay, so that's a really crummy way of showing how the conversations follow the same pattern, but those first four lines are predictable as hell. Then it's usually him asking me how school is, how work is, what I'm up to... *sigh* I mean, c'mon. I've known this guy on and off for about 8 years. We've dated on and off for about 4 years of that. Can't we have a better conversation than that?
And I keep winding up taking digs at him for his girlfriend, or he gets upset with me because of the coworker, or because I won't tell him back that I want to sleep with him, or I wind up boosting his ego because he thinks he's ugly, or no one will sleep with him or whatever... why the fuck am I the one that has to boost his ego? Can't he go to his Toronto friends or his girlfriend or something? Doesn't he understand how much of a headfuck it is for me to be the one to do this?!
Boys are stupid. :P
And the other guy at work seemed like he was reinstating his proposition the other day. I mean, I like the guy and all, I'm flattered that he still wants to sleep with me, but what about the people who are my age that might want to date me? Or am I some psycho, unattractive, boring, smelly hosebeast or something and no one will tell me? Gee, I'm really honoured that you want to sleep with me, but y'know what? You've found someone else to sleep with and I know the main reason you're asking me again is 'cause she appears to want more from you than just a casual fuck now and then... and quite frankly, I'm difficult to get off and I don't know if you're up to the task.
Fuck.
Maybe I'll just bloody well tell everyone to piss off. Or maybe I'll do something or another to completely kill off my libido and eliminate this problem. :)
Anyhow, I gotta dig out my clarinet and get ready to head off to school. Going to a senior's home to play clarinet and hang with them for a few hours this afternoon for one of my classes. Hopefully the time will pass quickly; other than my grandparents, I tend to have very little exposure to senior's, and these poor ones are Alzheimer's patients. I hope it's going to be okay. I definitely won't be able to spend 3 hours playing, especially as I'm terribly out of practice. I hope I don't sound terrible!
I need to do updates, but I just haven't felt like writing much over the last little while. I completely avoided my 8:30 class on Tuesday morning; didn't feel like getting up, didn't feel that I needed to be there. Normally I'd get up at 6:30 for it, and leave the house at 7:30... I woke up at 11:30 when my mom called. :) I'm sure that going to bed at 2 didn't help, but I likely could have woken up if I had tried.
Been having arguments/disagreements (not strong enoughto call fights) with the boys: the ex- and the coworker. I went and saw the pizza guy last Wednesday and hung out with him for a bit. Coworker is telling me he wants a defined relationship, because he does't like that we can both just drop each other at a moment's notice with our current arrangement. I'm wondering about telling him that I want some time before I do devote myself to that kind of relationship. I don't know.
The ex- is being kinda frustrating. He's telling me that he misses me and thinks about sleeping with me and blah blah blah... and then is staying with his girlfriend. I told him he keeps headfucking me and it's really pissing me off and I don't want it anymore. He was getting upset with me because last night I didn't have a lot to say to him, and I told him it's 'cause our conversations keep following the same pattern, which is true. I'll log on, and it's like this:
Him: allloooo?
Me: Lo
Him: how goes?
Me: Bleh... (blah blah blah).
Okay, so that's a really crummy way of showing how the conversations follow the same pattern, but those first four lines are predictable as hell. Then it's usually him asking me how school is, how work is, what I'm up to... *sigh* I mean, c'mon. I've known this guy on and off for about 8 years. We've dated on and off for about 4 years of that. Can't we have a better conversation than that?
And I keep winding up taking digs at him for his girlfriend, or he gets upset with me because of the coworker, or because I won't tell him back that I want to sleep with him, or I wind up boosting his ego because he thinks he's ugly, or no one will sleep with him or whatever... why the fuck am I the one that has to boost his ego? Can't he go to his Toronto friends or his girlfriend or something? Doesn't he understand how much of a headfuck it is for me to be the one to do this?!
Boys are stupid. :P
And the other guy at work seemed like he was reinstating his proposition the other day. I mean, I like the guy and all, I'm flattered that he still wants to sleep with me, but what about the people who are my age that might want to date me? Or am I some psycho, unattractive, boring, smelly hosebeast or something and no one will tell me? Gee, I'm really honoured that you want to sleep with me, but y'know what? You've found someone else to sleep with and I know the main reason you're asking me again is 'cause she appears to want more from you than just a casual fuck now and then... and quite frankly, I'm difficult to get off and I don't know if you're up to the task.
Fuck.
Maybe I'll just bloody well tell everyone to piss off. Or maybe I'll do something or another to completely kill off my libido and eliminate this problem. :)
Anyhow, I gotta dig out my clarinet and get ready to head off to school. Going to a senior's home to play clarinet and hang with them for a few hours this afternoon for one of my classes. Hopefully the time will pass quickly; other than my grandparents, I tend to have very little exposure to senior's, and these poor ones are Alzheimer's patients. I hope it's going to be okay. I definitely won't be able to spend 3 hours playing, especially as I'm terribly out of practice. I hope I don't sound terrible!
2002/03/25
I'm really tired. I was out too late last night, but it was a pretty fun time. On the way to work, I was composing this whole thing about how invisible I am, but I don't really feel like writing it up now. I feel more conversational than expressive in my writing, so I'll just do a description of last night.
Went to Grace O'Malley's with two guys from work (including the coworker) and the coworker's roommate (one of them, the other that I know better didn't feel like going out).
(Hang on, going to edit this later)
Went to Grace O'Malley's with two guys from work (including the coworker) and the coworker's roommate (one of them, the other that I know better didn't feel like going out).
(Hang on, going to edit this later)
March re-redux.
| March | What? | Done? |
|---|---|---|
| The 6th | E-journal submission (to group) | YES! |
| The 7th | Group Dynamics paper due (solo) | YES! |
| The 13th | E-journal submission (to group) | YES! |
| The 20th | E-journal due (submit to professor) | YES! |
| The 28th - April 11th | Group Dynamics paper due (solo) | |
| The 11th of April | Negotiation due (2-3 pages) |
Okay, going to bed now, but a few reminder notes to myself for my content for tomorrow:
* Write about delish boys (men *rowr*) on stage at Grace O'Malley's last night.
* Write about stupid libido (part of the original content that I cleared out).
* Update March (doing now)
* Sleep (okay, not a post)
* Write about my poor up and down moods while at Grace's.
* Write about delish boys (men *rowr*) on stage at Grace O'Malley's last night.
* Write about stupid libido (part of the original content that I cleared out).
* Update March (doing now)
* Sleep (okay, not a post)
* Write about my poor up and down moods while at Grace's.
2002/03/23
People keep calling me about the weather today. I guess I shouldn't be too down on them, 'cause it is important, and I don't really know the weather conditions, 'cause I'm stuck here in my ivory tower, but at the same time, I don't really care. :)
I heard a spot on the air last spot set that had my voice in it -- that was pretty cool. I usually get used for spec spots, mainly 'cause I'm green and don't have a great read/can't act. I'm working on it, though! :)
More gossip going on about the work situation... got a bit of info I'm waiting to learn, but everytime I go, the girl I need to talk to is busy everytime I go. :) I'm going back to try again, I'll continue this when I get back.
I heard a spot on the air last spot set that had my voice in it -- that was pretty cool. I usually get used for spec spots, mainly 'cause I'm green and don't have a great read/can't act. I'm working on it, though! :)
More gossip going on about the work situation... got a bit of info I'm waiting to learn, but everytime I go, the girl I need to talk to is busy everytime I go. :) I'm going back to try again, I'll continue this when I get back.
2002/03/21
I love books.
I love the weight of them in my hand. The look of the brand new covers. The smell of them, depending on the bindings and pages. I love being at the beginning of a book, reading something I've never read before and being hooked.
I love rereading good books, even if I know what they're going to say. I love rereading books that make me laugh out loud.
I love being in the middle of a book, and trying to guess how it might end. I love finishing a book; the combined sense of loss and accomplishment that I get, particularly when it was a good book.
I love having phrases and lines stuck in my head, making me laugh or think. I love being so absorbed in a book that I don't hear the things going on around me. I love being so absorbed in a book that I lose track of myself and I'm so immersed in the fantasy world that the author has created that I continue thinking about them even when I've put down the book.
Conversely, I hate people. I hate the guy that crashed into me at Rideau the other day, and turned around to see me give him a really dirty look. I hate the people that walk slowly in front of me when I'm in a hurry to go somewhere, and move in my way everytime I'm trying to move around them. I hate the people that take forever in the lineups ahead of me, but only when I'm feeling impatient. I hate the people that overlook me when I need to talk to them, or ignore me when I'm speaking.
I do like individuals. I like my friends, I like the people I get to know; I just hate crowds of people. I hate having people jostle me or run into me. Crowds are stupid; individuals are nice. :)
I love the weight of them in my hand. The look of the brand new covers. The smell of them, depending on the bindings and pages. I love being at the beginning of a book, reading something I've never read before and being hooked.
I love rereading good books, even if I know what they're going to say. I love rereading books that make me laugh out loud.
I love being in the middle of a book, and trying to guess how it might end. I love finishing a book; the combined sense of loss and accomplishment that I get, particularly when it was a good book.
I love having phrases and lines stuck in my head, making me laugh or think. I love being so absorbed in a book that I don't hear the things going on around me. I love being so absorbed in a book that I lose track of myself and I'm so immersed in the fantasy world that the author has created that I continue thinking about them even when I've put down the book.
Conversely, I hate people. I hate the guy that crashed into me at Rideau the other day, and turned around to see me give him a really dirty look. I hate the people that walk slowly in front of me when I'm in a hurry to go somewhere, and move in my way everytime I'm trying to move around them. I hate the people that take forever in the lineups ahead of me, but only when I'm feeling impatient. I hate the people that overlook me when I need to talk to them, or ignore me when I'm speaking.
I do like individuals. I like my friends, I like the people I get to know; I just hate crowds of people. I hate having people jostle me or run into me. Crowds are stupid; individuals are nice. :)
Not enough people are updating their sites! That's why I like reading Di's site -- she updates a lot. It's great. :)
Ah well... went over and chatted with the pizza guy for awhile yesterday. It was pretty relaxed and nice... I was nervous and feeling a bit awkward, but it was all good. At the end I gave him a hug and he held me tight and it was good. He was telling me that my female friend, who I will call H, was saying the other day (or her boyfriend was) that she never hears from me anymore. WTF?!?!!? She fazed me out to become part of the H-R entity, and she doesn't hear from *me* anymore? Pizza guy said he didn't say a word, just kept his mouth shut. He and I have had multiple discussions on the subject. I asked him if it would be out of line for me to fire off an email to her saying, "Hey, did you phase me out because of the H-R entity, or, because you were mad at me? (and I don't think it's the latter)"... he said it would be blunt and maybe a bit aggressive, but not necessarily out of line. Maybe I will Marge, maybe I will.
Then last night, I had a dream that I was going to move in with her. Weird, weird, weird.
Got a bunch of other things to write about, like the weekend with the ex-, and anything else that might be going on in my life (oh wait, nothing), but I'm running behind this morning, so I gotta move. Trying to decide between getting together with people from work tonight for one guy's birthday, or go out to far from my house (although not so far from downtown) to meet with some other friends about the trip to London in the summer. *sigh* Money! I need lots of it. :( I'll likely go out to the meeting... it'll be fun. :)
Anyhow, more later... just haven't been in the mood to write lately. Maybe I'll start writing blogs in class. :)
Ah well... went over and chatted with the pizza guy for awhile yesterday. It was pretty relaxed and nice... I was nervous and feeling a bit awkward, but it was all good. At the end I gave him a hug and he held me tight and it was good. He was telling me that my female friend, who I will call H, was saying the other day (or her boyfriend was) that she never hears from me anymore. WTF?!?!!? She fazed me out to become part of the H-R entity, and she doesn't hear from *me* anymore? Pizza guy said he didn't say a word, just kept his mouth shut. He and I have had multiple discussions on the subject. I asked him if it would be out of line for me to fire off an email to her saying, "Hey, did you phase me out because of the H-R entity, or, because you were mad at me? (and I don't think it's the latter)"... he said it would be blunt and maybe a bit aggressive, but not necessarily out of line. Maybe I will Marge, maybe I will.
Then last night, I had a dream that I was going to move in with her. Weird, weird, weird.
Got a bunch of other things to write about, like the weekend with the ex-, and anything else that might be going on in my life (oh wait, nothing), but I'm running behind this morning, so I gotta move. Trying to decide between getting together with people from work tonight for one guy's birthday, or go out to far from my house (although not so far from downtown) to meet with some other friends about the trip to London in the summer. *sigh* Money! I need lots of it. :( I'll likely go out to the meeting... it'll be fun. :)
Anyhow, more later... just haven't been in the mood to write lately. Maybe I'll start writing blogs in class. :)
2002/03/20
Did I miss an invite somewhere?
Okay, I know I've posted on this before, but here we go again.
Did I miss an instruction book or something somewhere? My cousin, who is a whole month and a half older than I am, is getting married next summer. My eldest cousin, who is somewhere around 27 or so, hasn't gotten engaged yet. Her sister, the next in line for age, isn't engaged. But my 21-year old cousin is!?
I know so many people around or at my age, who are engaged, married, or somewhere around there. My mother, who in the past has said she and my father would have serious reservations about me *living* with a guy, has said that if I was dating someone for awhile and said I was getting married, she wouldn't be against it. Uh huh. My most current ex-boyfriend (the ex-, for those of you who follow the trials and tribulations of my website) and I have dated off and on for about 5 years... and she says that she wouldn't consider him. She said that if he and I were serious about each other, we wouldn't be seeing other people.
That's funny, considering she broke up with my dad. As well, I didn't exactly want to go from 8 years of relationships (with him and another guy) into deciding at 18 or 19 that I was going to go from dating to getting engaged and married just like that. I want to live a little, live on my own, date other people... does that make me a bad person? Did I miss out on something somewhere?
*sigh* People are funny. Life is strange. I want my own apartment, and a job. I feel like I'm running behind everyone and not even close to catching up.
Okay, I know I've posted on this before, but here we go again.
Did I miss an instruction book or something somewhere? My cousin, who is a whole month and a half older than I am, is getting married next summer. My eldest cousin, who is somewhere around 27 or so, hasn't gotten engaged yet. Her sister, the next in line for age, isn't engaged. But my 21-year old cousin is!?
I know so many people around or at my age, who are engaged, married, or somewhere around there. My mother, who in the past has said she and my father would have serious reservations about me *living* with a guy, has said that if I was dating someone for awhile and said I was getting married, she wouldn't be against it. Uh huh. My most current ex-boyfriend (the ex-, for those of you who follow the trials and tribulations of my website) and I have dated off and on for about 5 years... and she says that she wouldn't consider him. She said that if he and I were serious about each other, we wouldn't be seeing other people.
That's funny, considering she broke up with my dad. As well, I didn't exactly want to go from 8 years of relationships (with him and another guy) into deciding at 18 or 19 that I was going to go from dating to getting engaged and married just like that. I want to live a little, live on my own, date other people... does that make me a bad person? Did I miss out on something somewhere?
*sigh* People are funny. Life is strange. I want my own apartment, and a job. I feel like I'm running behind everyone and not even close to catching up.
2002/03/19
I know, I know, I'm overdue for an update... but I have to stop procrastinating for a bit. Argh. Interesting developments in a few fields, weird feelings, updates on the weekend with the ex-, and how that went... but later.
Oh, and apparently misread another situation, but in a good way. /me is happyish.
Oh, and apparently misread another situation, but in a good way. /me is happyish.
2002/03/18
2002/03/16
Awww... how sweet. I have someone who wants to be with me... an entry in my guestbook. Kinda weird, but what the heck. I'm not too tall, like a telephone poll... I think that's the nicest compliment. :P Mind you, the buns comment was nice as well, so whoever Jimmy Riddle is, thanks, I'm sure... but I don't get it on with people I can't identify. :)
2002/03/15
2002/03/14
Okay, okay, so I lasted a week. I can make it longer, though, and I have before. I just have to ... well, last. :)
Nice month, March is/was. I love it. :) Our e-journals are due a week earlier than anyone figured, but that's *good*, 'cause it means that I only have to do 3 articles. I have to get working on the two big projects in my school life... actually, it would be good to get working on the other one, as well (qualitative methods). We're going to go easy on that one, though. Anyhow, gotta get moving. Not much sleep, got a bit of a headache, I think someone might be kinda interested in me (not the French boy that I've been smiling at and vice versa for awhile), but as much as I kept hoping for a nice, uncomplicated relationship out of university, I'm not interested right now. How contrary am I?
Was collecting pledges for the Max Keeping Bowl-a-thon that I'll be participating in... one of my friends/jocks at work put together a team, and I'm on it. I think it'll be fun. If you want to pledge me or go see me play, email me and I'll send you the details. :)
I actually got the balls up to ask the Big Boss if he'd pledge me. That was pretty amazing for me. :)
The ex- gets into town tonight. This weekend should be pretty telling.
Nice month, March is/was. I love it. :) Our e-journals are due a week earlier than anyone figured, but that's *good*, 'cause it means that I only have to do 3 articles. I have to get working on the two big projects in my school life... actually, it would be good to get working on the other one, as well (qualitative methods). We're going to go easy on that one, though. Anyhow, gotta get moving. Not much sleep, got a bit of a headache, I think someone might be kinda interested in me (not the French boy that I've been smiling at and vice versa for awhile), but as much as I kept hoping for a nice, uncomplicated relationship out of university, I'm not interested right now. How contrary am I?
Was collecting pledges for the Max Keeping Bowl-a-thon that I'll be participating in... one of my friends/jocks at work put together a team, and I'm on it. I think it'll be fun. If you want to pledge me or go see me play, email me and I'll send you the details. :)
I actually got the balls up to ask the Big Boss if he'd pledge me. That was pretty amazing for me. :)
The ex- gets into town tonight. This weekend should be pretty telling.
2002/03/12
TheSpark.com's Gay Test! You are 48% GAY!
That's gayer than average for someone of your gender and supposed orientation. The typical straight female is only 32% gay!
Here's how you compare:
That's gayer than average for someone of your gender and supposed orientation. The typical straight female is only 32% gay!
Here's how you compare:
Your Sexual Persona
As a Phi you are not overly sexual, but you're definitely sexual enough. Many people tend to view themselves as overtly sexual, or fret that they aren't sexual enough. Phis, on the other hand, fall somewhere neatly in between the two extremes. You feel just fine about how sexy you appear to others. You have a decent level of sexual confidence too, and you're aware of others' sexual presence. You know to some degree what you like when it comes to sex. All in all, you're more balanced than most, because you don't obsess over any of the above-mentioned criteria
Because you aren't an extremist, you tend not to feel especially negative or positive about your sexuality unless prompted by an extreme circumstance. In other words, a situation that is especially positive or a situation that is uncomfortably negative may cause you to...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EMOTIONAL/PHYSICAL ASPECTS OF SEXUALITY
Ö - PPTDV - 1
Your Emotional/Physical Balance
You're a P-. Your sexual motivation is primarily driven by the physical high you derive from sex. It isn't necessarily that you don't assign emotional importance to having sex with someone; it's that the physical side of sex is much more compelling to you and is what most strongly motivates you to pursue being sexual with someone. Further, you are fairly goal-oriented when it comes to sex. You may even find foreplay — for all its meandering and playfulness — a bit difficult to bear at times. Your preference is a more direct path to orgasm. A word of advice: communicate this preference to your partners, as some may misunderstand your lack of interest in foreplay as a lack of interest in them sexually.
Your Desire for Emotional Connection During Sex
There is an emotional component to sex for you, but the need to connect with your sexual partner it isn't the driving force...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOUCH/LOOK ASPECTS OF SEXUALITY
Ö - PTTDV - 1
Your Touch/Look Balance
You appreciate the visual aspect of your sexual experiences, but displaying and being shown physical affection is a slightly more compelling part of the experience for you. Indeed, while when it comes to the balance of the physical closeness versus looking and admiring your partner from a bit of a distance, you tend more strongly to be a toucher than a watcher. It can cause confusion sometimes, with you drawn to and away from your sexual partner simultaneously in some instances. When in doubt, however, you tend to move in closer rather than sit back to enjoy the show.
Your Tendency to be Affectionate During Sex
You know what you like during sex, and it isn't necessarily gobs of affection. Whether you are involved with a casual partner or a long-term lover, you aren't likely to go...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DARING/MODEST ASPECTS OF SEXUALITY
Ö - PTDDV - 1
You aren't willing to hang from the chandelier naked, but you are willing to try lots of things that others might be too shy to try. You can't help yourself. You like a little adventure when it comes to romping around in the sack, or wherever it happens to be that you do your wild thing. You might even have surprised a few of your sexual partners in the past, although you aren't apt to fret about the possibility. After all, you know when to be daring and when not to be. You know who can appreciate your ability to go to extremes, and who would prefer that you save the adventure for something else — say a mountaineering expedition. Day to day, you maintain a very healthy balance of both daring and modesty. And as long as you continue to remember that sex is all about mutual gratification and satisfaction, you're on the right track.
Your Openness to be Daring During Sex
Sure, you love sex. You just happen to love more traditional sex. It isn't that...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
VERBAL/NON-VERBAL ASPECTS OF SEXUALITY
Ö - PTDVV - 1
Your Verbal/Non-verbal Balance
When you've got something to communicate during sex, you're more likely to use verbal methods than other ways to communicate something, at least when compared with other people. It is slightly more natural (or else habitual) for you to talk through the act than it is to show how you are feeling through gestures and other, subtler means. Fortunately for both you and your sexual partners, you are also strong in the area of non-verbal communication, which makes you very flexible, and very adept at understanding others.
If you end up with someone who strongly prefers...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YOUR LIBIDO
Ö - PTDV - 11
Your Libido
You really enjoy sex, but you don't contemplate it as much as do some people. When an opportunity presents itself, you're happy enough, but you aren't on a constant search for the next, great sexual experience. Most people experience peaks and valleys in their sex drive. Chances are that we have caught you at an unusual period in your life that isn't especially hot, heavy, or sex-filled. (For many people, the less sex they have...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YOUR SEXUAL LIFE
Increasing Your Sexual Enjoyment
You are very well balanced when it comes to the physical and emotional aspects of sex. That doesn't mean you can't improve on an already healthy approach. Oftentimes, the way to optimize sexual pleasure is to clue into your sexual fantasies. Explore them to learn more about yourself, and try generating new ones; they may help you to discover a lot about what you like, or what you feel you're lacking.
You don't have to act out your sexual fantasies in order to meet the sexual needs that are behind them. You just need to recognize...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As a Phi you are not overly sexual, but you're definitely sexual enough. Many people tend to view themselves as overtly sexual, or fret that they aren't sexual enough. Phis, on the other hand, fall somewhere neatly in between the two extremes. You feel just fine about how sexy you appear to others. You have a decent level of sexual confidence too, and you're aware of others' sexual presence. You know to some degree what you like when it comes to sex. All in all, you're more balanced than most, because you don't obsess over any of the above-mentioned criteria
Because you aren't an extremist, you tend not to feel especially negative or positive about your sexuality unless prompted by an extreme circumstance. In other words, a situation that is especially positive or a situation that is uncomfortably negative may cause you to...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EMOTIONAL/PHYSICAL ASPECTS OF SEXUALITY
Ö - PPTDV - 1
Your Emotional/Physical Balance
You're a P-. Your sexual motivation is primarily driven by the physical high you derive from sex. It isn't necessarily that you don't assign emotional importance to having sex with someone; it's that the physical side of sex is much more compelling to you and is what most strongly motivates you to pursue being sexual with someone. Further, you are fairly goal-oriented when it comes to sex. You may even find foreplay — for all its meandering and playfulness — a bit difficult to bear at times. Your preference is a more direct path to orgasm. A word of advice: communicate this preference to your partners, as some may misunderstand your lack of interest in foreplay as a lack of interest in them sexually.
Your Desire for Emotional Connection During Sex
There is an emotional component to sex for you, but the need to connect with your sexual partner it isn't the driving force...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOUCH/LOOK ASPECTS OF SEXUALITY
Ö - PTTDV - 1
Your Touch/Look Balance
You appreciate the visual aspect of your sexual experiences, but displaying and being shown physical affection is a slightly more compelling part of the experience for you. Indeed, while when it comes to the balance of the physical closeness versus looking and admiring your partner from a bit of a distance, you tend more strongly to be a toucher than a watcher. It can cause confusion sometimes, with you drawn to and away from your sexual partner simultaneously in some instances. When in doubt, however, you tend to move in closer rather than sit back to enjoy the show.
Your Tendency to be Affectionate During Sex
You know what you like during sex, and it isn't necessarily gobs of affection. Whether you are involved with a casual partner or a long-term lover, you aren't likely to go...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DARING/MODEST ASPECTS OF SEXUALITY
Ö - PTDDV - 1
You aren't willing to hang from the chandelier naked, but you are willing to try lots of things that others might be too shy to try. You can't help yourself. You like a little adventure when it comes to romping around in the sack, or wherever it happens to be that you do your wild thing. You might even have surprised a few of your sexual partners in the past, although you aren't apt to fret about the possibility. After all, you know when to be daring and when not to be. You know who can appreciate your ability to go to extremes, and who would prefer that you save the adventure for something else — say a mountaineering expedition. Day to day, you maintain a very healthy balance of both daring and modesty. And as long as you continue to remember that sex is all about mutual gratification and satisfaction, you're on the right track.
Your Openness to be Daring During Sex
Sure, you love sex. You just happen to love more traditional sex. It isn't that...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
VERBAL/NON-VERBAL ASPECTS OF SEXUALITY
Ö - PTDVV - 1
Your Verbal/Non-verbal Balance
When you've got something to communicate during sex, you're more likely to use verbal methods than other ways to communicate something, at least when compared with other people. It is slightly more natural (or else habitual) for you to talk through the act than it is to show how you are feeling through gestures and other, subtler means. Fortunately for both you and your sexual partners, you are also strong in the area of non-verbal communication, which makes you very flexible, and very adept at understanding others.
If you end up with someone who strongly prefers...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YOUR LIBIDO
Ö - PTDV - 11
Your Libido
You really enjoy sex, but you don't contemplate it as much as do some people. When an opportunity presents itself, you're happy enough, but you aren't on a constant search for the next, great sexual experience. Most people experience peaks and valleys in their sex drive. Chances are that we have caught you at an unusual period in your life that isn't especially hot, heavy, or sex-filled. (For many people, the less sex they have...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YOUR SEXUAL LIFE
Increasing Your Sexual Enjoyment
You are very well balanced when it comes to the physical and emotional aspects of sex. That doesn't mean you can't improve on an already healthy approach. Oftentimes, the way to optimize sexual pleasure is to clue into your sexual fantasies. Explore them to learn more about yourself, and try generating new ones; they may help you to discover a lot about what you like, or what you feel you're lacking.
You don't have to act out your sexual fantasies in order to meet the sexual needs that are behind them. You just need to recognize...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your sexual persona is Phi. Overall, the Phi sexual persona is characterized by an equal balance between sex appeal, sexual confidence and sexual awareness.
P You're an P-. That means you probably tend to focus more on the physical feelings and rush of sex.
T You're an T-. That means you probably tend to enjoy watching yourself and your sexual partner while having sex.
D You're an D-. That means you tend to be more experimental, willing to try new things when it comes to sex.
V You're an V-. That means you tend to communicate with words instead of gestures during sex.
1 You're a 1 on a scale of 1-10. Your score reveals how strong your interest in sex is.
P You're an P-. That means you probably tend to focus more on the physical feelings and rush of sex.
T You're an T-. That means you probably tend to enjoy watching yourself and your sexual partner while having sex.
D You're an D-. That means you tend to be more experimental, willing to try new things when it comes to sex.
V You're an V-. That means you tend to communicate with words instead of gestures during sex.
1 You're a 1 on a scale of 1-10. Your score reveals how strong your interest in sex is.
Jen, your sexual personality is Phi-ETDN-9.
Your sexual personality is determined by your sexual persona (Phi), 4 sexual scales (Emotional/Physical, Look/Touch, Daring/Modest, Verbal/Non-verbal), and your libido score (9).
As a Phi, you have a good sense of yourself and your sexuality. You know how to turn on the sex appeal when it suits your needs, and have a fair amount of confidence when it comes to your sexual performance.
How do we know this? How do we know that you focus more on the emotional than the physical connection with your partner while having sex?
Because while you were taking the test, you answered different kinds of questions — questions that measured what you're like in bed as well as your sex appeal, sexual confidence and sexual awareness.
Your sexual personality is determined by your sexual persona (Phi), 4 sexual scales (Emotional/Physical, Look/Touch, Daring/Modest, Verbal/Non-verbal), and your libido score (9).
As a Phi, you have a good sense of yourself and your sexuality. You know how to turn on the sex appeal when it suits your needs, and have a fair amount of confidence when it comes to your sexual performance.
How do we know this? How do we know that you focus more on the emotional than the physical connection with your partner while having sex?
Because while you were taking the test, you answered different kinds of questions — questions that measured what you're like in bed as well as your sex appeal, sexual confidence and sexual awareness.
2002/03/11
And March redux...
*sigh* I hate school. I'm really annoyed with my school right now, actually... but I'll go into that later. For now, I gotta get to bed. Maybe some kitties will join me. :)
Ah yes, and day 5 of total celibacy (yes, even that) is nearly ended, and so far, so good. I gotta make a note somewhere: Wednesday, March 6th was the last day there was any kind of action. Please note, this is by my choice, not circumstances. If you care. :)
| March | What? | Done? |
|---|---|---|
| The 6th | E-journal submission (to group) | |
| The 7th | Group Dynamics paper due (solo) | YES! |
| The 13th | E-journal submission (to group) | |
| The 20th | E-journal due (submit to professor) | |
| The 28th | Group Dynamics paper due (solo) | |
| The ?? | Negotiation due (???) |
*sigh* I hate school. I'm really annoyed with my school right now, actually... but I'll go into that later. For now, I gotta get to bed. Maybe some kitties will join me. :)
Ah yes, and day 5 of total celibacy (yes, even that) is nearly ended, and so far, so good. I gotta make a note somewhere: Wednesday, March 6th was the last day there was any kind of action. Please note, this is by my choice, not circumstances. If you care. :)
Sometimes I wonder if I really mean anything I say, or if I'm just paying it lip service or saying it to appease people.
Have I lost who I am? Maybe. I need to find her again. She's probably buried under the mess in here.
Note to self: clean room. Clean cat's litterbox. Email prof. Email groups regarding group projects. Do work on group projects. Keep working on demo tape.
Somewhere in there, get sleep. Argh! Feeling stressed again. :(
Have I lost who I am? Maybe. I need to find her again. She's probably buried under the mess in here.
Note to self: clean room. Clean cat's litterbox. Email prof. Email groups regarding group projects. Do work on group projects. Keep working on demo tape.
Somewhere in there, get sleep. Argh! Feeling stressed again. :(
2002/03/09
The Test Results Are In! "You are a smooth chick."
You have a knack for greatness. For the record,you are:
93% Un-telligent!
which is significantly higher than the current average of 60%
Here is the custom report of your personality that led our team of geeks to conclude (with confidence) that you are resourceful and sly woman:
"The subject shows an astounding level of intelligence, and her sense of observation is one of her best qualities. Considering this, she shows a lot of potential, but that's only part of the equation.
"Also, as much as we hate violence, an occasional mauling is one way to solve day-to-day problems like unpleasant coworkers or pesky door-to-door salesmen; she just isn't tough enough, sir, and she avoids any solution that involves violence.
"Finally, the subject displayed a healthy (better than most net freaks anyway) sense of humor, a fair and productive sense of morality, and a barbaric self-confidence. The balance of these three traits is important; high levels of confidence, medium levels of morality, and a good level of humor make for the strongest individuals."
Final Score: 93% Un-telligent
You have a knack for greatness. For the record,you are:
93% Un-telligent!
which is significantly higher than the current average of 60%
Here is the custom report of your personality that led our team of geeks to conclude (with confidence) that you are resourceful and sly woman:
"The subject shows an astounding level of intelligence, and her sense of observation is one of her best qualities. Considering this, she shows a lot of potential, but that's only part of the equation.
"Also, as much as we hate violence, an occasional mauling is one way to solve day-to-day problems like unpleasant coworkers or pesky door-to-door salesmen; she just isn't tough enough, sir, and she avoids any solution that involves violence.
"Finally, the subject displayed a healthy (better than most net freaks anyway) sense of humor, a fair and productive sense of morality, and a barbaric self-confidence. The balance of these three traits is important; high levels of confidence, medium levels of morality, and a good level of humor make for the strongest individuals."
Final Score: 93% Un-telligent
2002/03/07
Argh. Must get *more* sleep. Stop staying out or up late! Stupid. :P
Anyhow, looks like Diana is having the same problem I am... although I'm not necessarily hating the city or looking to die. *sigh* Gotta get moving though... I have a presentation today in my first class and a paper to hand in in my second class. I'm supposed to get together with pizza guy tonight... awkward feeling. As long as we don't go to his house, I think things will be okay. Who knows?
Birthday party/drinks at the bar tomorrow for a friend I haven't seen in ages. I've been asked by two people so far if I'm going, so that's kinda nice. :) Anyhow, more later. Gotta get moving.
Anyhow, looks like Diana is having the same problem I am... although I'm not necessarily hating the city or looking to die. *sigh* Gotta get moving though... I have a presentation today in my first class and a paper to hand in in my second class. I'm supposed to get together with pizza guy tonight... awkward feeling. As long as we don't go to his house, I think things will be okay. Who knows?
Birthday party/drinks at the bar tomorrow for a friend I haven't seen in ages. I've been asked by two people so far if I'm going, so that's kinda nice. :) Anyhow, more later. Gotta get moving.
2002/03/06
I have to make some serious changes in my life. *sigh* My scale reached an all-time high recently, so I'm going to cut Coke and possibly chocolate out of my diet for awhile. I'm not going to cut them out completely, but they will be seriously minimized between now and whenever. :P
Also, I am in major debt, so I'm going to have to really budget myself and be really careful with my money. I'm going to try to premake meals maybe the night before, and try to make them healthy, so that I can just grab them and run in the morning.
The ex- and I aren't talking for a bit (his request, also a thought I'd been having so I stop feeling mindfucked, which I told him last night), and I'm wondering if I should do the same with a few other people. I feel like just burying myself for awhile.
Ah well... nothing much, write later.
Also, I am in major debt, so I'm going to have to really budget myself and be really careful with my money. I'm going to try to premake meals maybe the night before, and try to make them healthy, so that I can just grab them and run in the morning.
The ex- and I aren't talking for a bit (his request, also a thought I'd been having so I stop feeling mindfucked, which I told him last night), and I'm wondering if I should do the same with a few other people. I feel like just burying myself for awhile.
Ah well... nothing much, write later.
So, just a brief post before I head off to school, then maybe some more content from work.
Had a bit of an unusual mood going on yesterday. I realized that while I have had sex in the last while, it's been a long time since I've actually made love with someone. While I was thinking I was defining making love as touching gently and softly, spending a long time just kissing and touching lightly, and not rushing towards orgasm or anything like that. Not that I usually rush towards orgasm (if I'm even that lucky!), but sometimes that's more of the 'point' to the whole event than just enjoying the now. It led to a bit of a debate with the coworker on whether or not you can make love with someone that you're not in love with. Interesting conversation.
I wanted to dress up in nice lingerie -- not for the trashiness of it, but just for how feminine and sexy it can make me feel -- and light lots of candles and just spend a nice, slow evening just touching and carressing and everything else that's incorporated.
A bit funny for me to feel this way considering my friend was telling me Monday night about how she had a really hot sex session with her boyfriend, and they often have the sweet love. :)
I just wanted to feel cherished and 'loved' for lack of a better word and I felt tender and giving for sure, and almost romantic. I wanted to lay with someone and give them pleasure. Not that I'm generally selfish, but I think there was more emotional-giving involved in this than my usual, I just like to give feeling.
Anyhow, time to get rolling.. I just remembered I have a paper to write (and another to rewrite) tonight, and I have some monster reading to get done for it. :P No lingering at work today if I can avoid it. I just wanted to get that feeling written about as best I could before I took off and forgot about it.
Had a bit of an unusual mood going on yesterday. I realized that while I have had sex in the last while, it's been a long time since I've actually made love with someone. While I was thinking I was defining making love as touching gently and softly, spending a long time just kissing and touching lightly, and not rushing towards orgasm or anything like that. Not that I usually rush towards orgasm (if I'm even that lucky!), but sometimes that's more of the 'point' to the whole event than just enjoying the now. It led to a bit of a debate with the coworker on whether or not you can make love with someone that you're not in love with. Interesting conversation.
I wanted to dress up in nice lingerie -- not for the trashiness of it, but just for how feminine and sexy it can make me feel -- and light lots of candles and just spend a nice, slow evening just touching and carressing and everything else that's incorporated.
A bit funny for me to feel this way considering my friend was telling me Monday night about how she had a really hot sex session with her boyfriend, and they often have the sweet love. :)
I just wanted to feel cherished and 'loved' for lack of a better word and I felt tender and giving for sure, and almost romantic. I wanted to lay with someone and give them pleasure. Not that I'm generally selfish, but I think there was more emotional-giving involved in this than my usual, I just like to give feeling.
Anyhow, time to get rolling.. I just remembered I have a paper to write (and another to rewrite) tonight, and I have some monster reading to get done for it. :P No lingering at work today if I can avoid it. I just wanted to get that feeling written about as best I could before I took off and forgot about it.
A snide remark I made that I'm somewhat proud of:
But first, a prelude: I made the statement that a conversation I was having was making me sick to my stomach.
The question was, "Why are you ill?"
My response:
"Because I'm smiling so much at the idea of you staying with and defending your girlfriend that you'd willingly cheat on that the muscles all the way down are strained"
But first, a prelude: I made the statement that a conversation I was having was making me sick to my stomach.
The question was, "Why are you ill?"
My response:
"Because I'm smiling so much at the idea of you staying with and defending your girlfriend that you'd willingly cheat on that the muscles all the way down are strained"
2002/03/05
The Scorecard
Okay... some thinking as I type. This should be interesting. I'm divvying up the post by guys in my life, which is a pretty pathetic way to look at my life, but there you have it.
Had a very interesting (word of the moment) conversation with the ex- last night. Basically saying that he still wants me, still thinks about a relationship with me (talk about a turnaround from last time!), thinks of sleeping with me more than he thinks of sleeping with his current girlfriend, etc., etc. I kept the conversation, but I'm not going to post it here, since I don't feel right about that. Prolly bad enough I'm talking about it, but what the heck. He said he had a lot of thinking to do about his relationship.... since they hooked up on St. Valentine's Day, I was saying something about the romance of the day... he said it wasn't romantic, just a day. I said next year, when they celebrate their one-year anniversary, it would be, and he said he didn't think (didn't know?) if they'd be lasting that long. I said she'd be hurt to hear him say that, and he said probably. So, there was a bit of talk about his devotion (or lack thereof) to the relationship. We also talked a bit about cheating and he said he didn't think he'd feel bad if he and I hooked up when he was here (probably going to be in town on the weekend), and I said I wasn't going to be a part of that, 'cause I don't want him resenting me. Some other things happened during the conversation and he said he wasn't upset with me, didn't really feel anything... and that's almost how I feel about it. I was quizzing him about how far the two of them have gone and whatnot, and I just felt kinda numb. A bit upset, but really just kinda numb. I'm going to see him when he's in town this weekend, and just see how I feel -- I haven't seen him since Christmas, so it'll be interesting to see how I feel when I do see him.
Next guy... pizza guy. Willing to take me back, in spite of the problems that have occurred (the whole 'seeing someone else at the same time as him' thing). Cares deeply about me... missed me while we weren't talking, spent a week listening to pop music 'cause of where I work and that I (sometimes) listen to it, and was basically miserable while I was gone. It's been a few days since that week was up, and we chatted a bit today. I feel awkward around him now. It's not so much because he cares about me (argh!), but simply because I feel bad about everything... and now I know it was my friend who made some comment to her boyfriend (who happens to be pizza guy's roommate), who quizzed her until she told... and then the roommate told pizza guy. (I learned that one today, although I'd guessed it earlier, since the friend and her roommate were the only ones who knew who could affect things). Pizza guy and I are getting together Thursday to just hang out. I like him fine and all, but... I don't know. The pizza grease and smell kinda get to me, and that's probably unfair. *sigh* I don't know. I just didn't want something serious out of it, and it looks like it kinda got that way. I feel bad.
I'm going to write about the coworker and various other things, but I'm going to do that tomorrow. I'm pretty tired and I have to get up in six hours, so bed is calling (and kitties are snoring around me... it's very cute). Anyhow, basic thought that ran through my head that I wanted to write down before I kept forgetting it: I hate finding out or suspecting that someone likes me, 'cause then I start looking at them much differently (kinda like how I'm looking at the last friend to proposition me :P). Other than that, I made my aunt cry tonight. It's been a good day. :P [sarcasm] Especially the part where I watched even more Tom Green 'cause of the hardon that my prof has for the guy! [/sarcasm]. Yeah, I know those are the wrong tags, but I can use the alligator ones 'cause they won't show up. I'll also explain the frustration later. :)
Anyhow, shout out to my homie in the UK/South Africa... okay, so I'm way too mainstream to use the expression shout out, but I'm trying to get people to laugh. :) Night.
Okay... some thinking as I type. This should be interesting. I'm divvying up the post by guys in my life, which is a pretty pathetic way to look at my life, but there you have it.
Had a very interesting (word of the moment) conversation with the ex- last night. Basically saying that he still wants me, still thinks about a relationship with me (talk about a turnaround from last time!), thinks of sleeping with me more than he thinks of sleeping with his current girlfriend, etc., etc. I kept the conversation, but I'm not going to post it here, since I don't feel right about that. Prolly bad enough I'm talking about it, but what the heck. He said he had a lot of thinking to do about his relationship.... since they hooked up on St. Valentine's Day, I was saying something about the romance of the day... he said it wasn't romantic, just a day. I said next year, when they celebrate their one-year anniversary, it would be, and he said he didn't think (didn't know?) if they'd be lasting that long. I said she'd be hurt to hear him say that, and he said probably. So, there was a bit of talk about his devotion (or lack thereof) to the relationship. We also talked a bit about cheating and he said he didn't think he'd feel bad if he and I hooked up when he was here (probably going to be in town on the weekend), and I said I wasn't going to be a part of that, 'cause I don't want him resenting me. Some other things happened during the conversation and he said he wasn't upset with me, didn't really feel anything... and that's almost how I feel about it. I was quizzing him about how far the two of them have gone and whatnot, and I just felt kinda numb. A bit upset, but really just kinda numb. I'm going to see him when he's in town this weekend, and just see how I feel -- I haven't seen him since Christmas, so it'll be interesting to see how I feel when I do see him.
Next guy... pizza guy. Willing to take me back, in spite of the problems that have occurred (the whole 'seeing someone else at the same time as him' thing). Cares deeply about me... missed me while we weren't talking, spent a week listening to pop music 'cause of where I work and that I (sometimes) listen to it, and was basically miserable while I was gone. It's been a few days since that week was up, and we chatted a bit today. I feel awkward around him now. It's not so much because he cares about me (argh!), but simply because I feel bad about everything... and now I know it was my friend who made some comment to her boyfriend (who happens to be pizza guy's roommate), who quizzed her until she told... and then the roommate told pizza guy. (I learned that one today, although I'd guessed it earlier, since the friend and her roommate were the only ones who knew who could affect things). Pizza guy and I are getting together Thursday to just hang out. I like him fine and all, but... I don't know. The pizza grease and smell kinda get to me, and that's probably unfair. *sigh* I don't know. I just didn't want something serious out of it, and it looks like it kinda got that way. I feel bad.
I'm going to write about the coworker and various other things, but I'm going to do that tomorrow. I'm pretty tired and I have to get up in six hours, so bed is calling (and kitties are snoring around me... it's very cute). Anyhow, basic thought that ran through my head that I wanted to write down before I kept forgetting it: I hate finding out or suspecting that someone likes me, 'cause then I start looking at them much differently (kinda like how I'm looking at the last friend to proposition me :P). Other than that, I made my aunt cry tonight. It's been a good day. :P [sarcasm] Especially the part where I watched even more Tom Green 'cause of the hardon that my prof has for the guy! [/sarcasm]. Yeah, I know those are the wrong tags, but I can use the alligator ones 'cause they won't show up. I'll also explain the frustration later. :)
Anyhow, shout out to my homie in the UK/South Africa... okay, so I'm way too mainstream to use the expression shout out, but I'm trying to get people to laugh. :) Night.
2002/03/03
Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Did get to go the party, as I said. It wasn't bad, although I started off tired, so buy the time I finished my third Smirnoff's, I was ready to sleep standing up; that part kinda sucked.
Initially just sat around talking to the coworker and a few people from the station (there weren't that many there), as well as one girl I used to babysit. It's not as bad as it sounds; she's the same age as my sister, so she's only three years younger than me.
She and I were comparing tattoos and piercings (that was an interesting conversation!), and I made friends with a married couple, who gave me their phone number. I think I will in fact call them; not sure what'll happen, but the wife of the couple is only 22, so she and I could potentially hit it off. I'm always up for more female friends. :)
We talked threesomes and whatnot, and that was pretty funny. I also talked piercings in that group and I think one guy was trying to pick me of... also shared some new illicit substances with a guy who reminded me of a friend of the pizza guy... he's from Manotick, and seemed like fun. I thought maybe he was also somewhat interested, but he didn't really say.
All in all, it was worth having the night off for, I think. :)
Today's been fun. :P Did a bit of shopping at the Price Club, then came to work. I was feeling pretty weak from hunger by the time we left Price Club, so I preordered my dinner, then gave some of it (pizza) away. The news lady took two pieces of the good pizza, so that made me sad (I offered up the pizza and hoped she'd take the plain cheese, which was somewhat disappointing. Instead she took the chicken and pineapple. Ah well :).
Broke the keyboard tray for the INES computer, so I'm typing this with the keyboard in my lap. I can't put the keyboard on the board, since the Rabbi is live, and I thought he was going to be prerecorded. I think working in the communication industry is somewhat frustrating sometimes. *sigh*
Did get to go the party, as I said. It wasn't bad, although I started off tired, so buy the time I finished my third Smirnoff's, I was ready to sleep standing up; that part kinda sucked.
Initially just sat around talking to the coworker and a few people from the station (there weren't that many there), as well as one girl I used to babysit. It's not as bad as it sounds; she's the same age as my sister, so she's only three years younger than me.
She and I were comparing tattoos and piercings (that was an interesting conversation!), and I made friends with a married couple, who gave me their phone number. I think I will in fact call them; not sure what'll happen, but the wife of the couple is only 22, so she and I could potentially hit it off. I'm always up for more female friends. :)
We talked threesomes and whatnot, and that was pretty funny. I also talked piercings in that group and I think one guy was trying to pick me of... also shared some new illicit substances with a guy who reminded me of a friend of the pizza guy... he's from Manotick, and seemed like fun. I thought maybe he was also somewhat interested, but he didn't really say.
All in all, it was worth having the night off for, I think. :)
Today's been fun. :P Did a bit of shopping at the Price Club, then came to work. I was feeling pretty weak from hunger by the time we left Price Club, so I preordered my dinner, then gave some of it (pizza) away. The news lady took two pieces of the good pizza, so that made me sad (I offered up the pizza and hoped she'd take the plain cheese, which was somewhat disappointing. Instead she took the chicken and pineapple. Ah well :).
Broke the keyboard tray for the INES computer, so I'm typing this with the keyboard in my lap. I can't put the keyboard on the board, since the Rabbi is live, and I thought he was going to be prerecorded. I think working in the communication industry is somewhat frustrating sometimes. *sigh*
2002/03/02
Picked up Shadowbrat from the vet this morning, later than I'd planned, but apparently she was fine. She was being her usual snuggly purring self, so my friends at the vet liked her. :)
Haven't gotten nearly enough sleep this week because of staying up late and writing essays and whatnot, but this month coming up is going to be much less hectic than February or April, so it's all good.
Going to a party tonight, I'm looking forward to that. I had to ask for time off work to go, but it's the first time I've done that, and frankly, I think I deserve it. I work my ass off, and one night off every few months isn't going to kill anyone (although it could kill me if I don't get it :). I did have a week off for vacation, but it was the worst reading week ever, so I want to go out and have fun. :)
I was uploading features for work yesterday, and one of them is Biography for Radio -- a 90-second profile of various celebrities that runs in the mornings. The Monday show was Dr. Seuss, and the whole thing rhymed -- it was pretty awesome. :)
Did some practice breaks, as well... my coworker friend gave 'em a listen and said he was pretty impressed with them, considering I'm brand new to doing them. Some of them were pretty good, but I kept upward-inflecting my voice so that I sounded uncertain. Don't know why... also need to work on sounding more upbeat and whatnot.
Anyhow, that wasn't what I was thinking when I started all this... I was actually just thinking that I'm in a trend right now of keeping up to date on the lives of a bunch of my friends, which is great... but we're all doing it through on-line journals, which is a bit funny. We're nerds! :)
Ah well... I think that's it. I want to get a nap or something before I leave for the party, and I need to stop eating fortune cookies. :) I'm also thinking again about dyeing my hair red (and doing things like deposting my paycheque in the bank), so I should get moving. People tend to look at you funny when you show up in public in pjs.
Haven't gotten nearly enough sleep this week because of staying up late and writing essays and whatnot, but this month coming up is going to be much less hectic than February or April, so it's all good.
Going to a party tonight, I'm looking forward to that. I had to ask for time off work to go, but it's the first time I've done that, and frankly, I think I deserve it. I work my ass off, and one night off every few months isn't going to kill anyone (although it could kill me if I don't get it :). I did have a week off for vacation, but it was the worst reading week ever, so I want to go out and have fun. :)
I was uploading features for work yesterday, and one of them is Biography for Radio -- a 90-second profile of various celebrities that runs in the mornings. The Monday show was Dr. Seuss, and the whole thing rhymed -- it was pretty awesome. :)
Did some practice breaks, as well... my coworker friend gave 'em a listen and said he was pretty impressed with them, considering I'm brand new to doing them. Some of them were pretty good, but I kept upward-inflecting my voice so that I sounded uncertain. Don't know why... also need to work on sounding more upbeat and whatnot.
Anyhow, that wasn't what I was thinking when I started all this... I was actually just thinking that I'm in a trend right now of keeping up to date on the lives of a bunch of my friends, which is great... but we're all doing it through on-line journals, which is a bit funny. We're nerds! :)
Ah well... I think that's it. I want to get a nap or something before I leave for the party, and I need to stop eating fortune cookies. :) I'm also thinking again about dyeing my hair red (and doing things like deposting my paycheque in the bank), so I should get moving. People tend to look at you funny when you show up in public in pjs.
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